ARGH! OK, I need opinions please...

[Vegas_Dave]

My wife works for an orthodontist. As with many dental practices, it is mainly a female environment. In this case, between his 2 offices, the only 2 guys who work there are himself and the other orthodontist he employs.

Most of the women in this office are single and frankly, most of them are downright b*tches.

So the doctor (who is LDS) always like to treat his women to something big at the end of the year. Last year, it was take them all to Celine Dion and a REALLY expensive dinner and then give them each about $1000 that they had to spend on themselves at the Forum at Ceasars.

Sounds great...

This year, I find out that he wants to take all of them to New York for a week, all expenses and shows paid.

Wow, sounds like a nice guy...

Wait for it...

Spouses are not allowed.

This is not a selfish why cant I go thing with me. But my wife and I have 2 very youung boys, 1 & 3 years old. I work my ass off running my family business. She and I have wanted to go to New York together for quite a while. Also, lets keep in mind that she does not get along with most of the women in her office.

Not to mention that in my opinion, any big thing like that or employee party should always be spouses invited (since I am an employer myself).

So is it bad of me to be opposed to her going? Am I wrong in thinking, OK, my wife goes to New York without me, somewhere we have wanted to go together, and I have to work my ass off at work, spend a total of 2 hours per day for a week trekking my 2 boys all over town for babysitting, not to mention then having to be the sole provider for them every waking moment during that time while she is having a blast, Without her husband...

serious opinions needed....

I seriously could bunch the shit out of my walls right now.

[Frazod]

My first thought is this - she should have enough respect for you and awareness of her responsibilities to turn it down on her own.

[Bowser]

My first thought is this - she should have enough respect for you and awareness of her responsibilities to turn it down on her own.

Seconded.

[Vegas_Dave]

Thats my feeling (as you could tell) but I want some female perspective here as well.

[Jenny Gump]

My opinion is that it really isn't appropriate for him to take them to NY without the spouses. She shouldn't go.

[Frazod]

Also, if it was me - I wouldn't take off for New York for a week without my wife (for work I've had to do it, but not for vacation). That would be shitty.

[go bo]

you can bunch shit out of walls?

i bet there'd be a great market for that...

if you were a fertilizer salesman...

[Rukdafaidas]

I think the boss should allow the spouses to go, but at their own expense. Do you have any relatives or someone you trust to watch the kids for a week?

[go bo]

fwiw, i'd tell her to go...

then she can show you around when you go together...

a free trip to new york complete with broadway shows?

you should let her go if she wants to...

[Frazod]

I think the boss should allow the spouses to go, but at their own expense. Do you have any relatives or someone you trust to watch the kids for a week?

I think the boss should give her a cash equivalent for not going. That way, while she obviously has this week off, the whole family can go someplace nice.

That would NOT be New York at the end of year, IMO. Try someplace warm.

[go bo]

I think the boss should allow the spouses to go, but at their own expense. Do you have any relatives or someone you trust to watch the kids for a week?that sounds like a really reasonable solution...

is the orthodontist smart enough to do this?

[Rain Man]

Awkward. Very awkward.


Dentist - wants to treat employees and build a positive culture that is lacking right now. It's not possible when everyone just hangs out with their spouse.

You - Saddled with responsibility while your wife takes a free vacation to a place you'd like to go.

Your wife - Gets a nice trip, but with people she doesn't like and guilt for leaving you.


I'm going to go against the grain here. The dentist is doing this not just to be a nice guy, but to build camaraderie. He's not snubbing you, but just recognizes that a spousal presence will work against his goals. I'm going to go against the crowd and say that you've got an obligation to watch the ranch while your wife goes, and that she should go and have a good time and get to know her coworkers better. It's more of an off-site retreat than a vacation.

[stevieray]

I can understand how you feel, but what about it really bothers you? you can't go, or she's going to NY without you, or the kids?

And why?

On a lighter note, use the time to bond with your boys, at least one of you will be in good company.

If she decides to give it up out of repsect for your feelings, you better go the xtra mile that week.

good luck

[patteeu]

I understand how you feel, but I think you should let her go or let her make the decision not to go without any pressure from you. Don't look at it as a betrayal or an imposition on you (even though it is an imposition). Look at it as the opportunity to give her a great gift without having to pay cash for it. If she really doesn't enjoy the company of the other women in the office, maybe she'll decide not to go on her own. If she wants to go and you insist that she turn it down, your building up a lot of resentment for the sake of getting out of a few days worth of inconvenient babysitting.

I'm assuming that there is no concern over hanky panky with the doc here. It does seem like a weird "bonus" though. Maybe he thinks this kind of get-away-together time is good for teambuilding I guess.

[Vegas_Dave]

OK, a little more background on it ...

This is not a comeroderie building trip... if it were the previous trips of similar types would have worked throughout the history of his office.

As for him, he isnt the one making the choice. He asked the women, most of which are single, if spouses should be allowed. They all automatically say No overruling the married women (all 3 of them).

What bothers me is that I personally would never do a week of something so stellar if the stipulation is that my wife has to stay home and take care of EVERYTHING when as a general rule, we split overall the home down the middle as far as taking care of our responsibilities as parents.

I think its wrong. Its bad enough that she has to go out of town for work for seminars that are a complete repeat time after time.

It would be another thing if the doctor actually had a spine about anything and it would be another thing if my wife would stand up and say something in her own defense instead of also being pushed around by her b*tch coworkers.

[chiefs4me]

I can just see the look on my hubby's face if I told him the boss was taking me to new york for a week and paying for everything...without spouses going...ROFL


You build an awesome work enviroment by including the spouses and children...

[stevieray]

[QUOTE=Vegas_Dave]

What bothers me is that I personally would never do a week of something so stellar if the stipulation is that my wife has to stay home and take care of EVERYTHING when as a general rule, we split overall the home down the middle as far as taking care of our responsibilities as parents.
QUOTE]

You can do it...someday you might HAVE to.

Are you a little nervous about being without her while taking care of the kids? I'd say that's pretty normal, we as men like to put abuttload of responsibility on our wives , especially when it comes to toddlers...

[el borracho]

I am not a fan of separate vacations. The point of going out with someone is to go out with that person when you are able.

It would also be different if she wanted to go somewhere you were not interested in going, but this is somewhere you would like to go.

P.S. I would cosider the parental responsibilities and the wife's at-work relations as mostly irrelevant to the discussion.

[Bwana]

Hmmm? I just put my wife and kids on a plane today to go visit her mother in BARBADOS. There was no way in hell I was going to spend 8 days with her mother in BARBADOS in fricken JULY. She just called and told me it was VERY HOT........errrr no chit. :) I don't know what to tell you Dave. All I know is I am going to eat a lot of steaks and pull down a lot of beer in the next 8 days. :p

[Phobia]

I remember when my ex-wife used to go out of town for work related things alone. Fond memories.

[wutamess]

First off...
The orthodontis must be single or gay.

Secondly...
My wife wouldn't be going ANYWHERE with a bunch of single people as I wouldn't myself.

Thirdly...
That has to be one of the dumbest propositions by an employer if there's one person in the group that's married (especially with kids).

forthly...
Wouldn't it buiild more of a bonding environment if everyone got to know each other on a person level. For instance, if he took everyone to NY and had an itenerary set up for you guys then you could join in the festivities. She's half a person without you there. Besides doesn't sound like the boss is very fond or thoughtful of your wife.

Fifth and last but not least as a matter of factly...
Why in the hell is this even debatable? You wife doesn't have sense to know that she shouldn't go there without you, then something's just not right. I'm thinking you have more problems than just a NY trip with the "singles group" and her boss.

~Hope it all works out.

[stevieray]

I remember when my ex-wife used to go out of town for work related things alone. Fond memories.

really? what happened?

[Phobia]

She met this dude named Steve who made her poo in his mouth. I found the pictures. Dude looked just like Elvis.

[Iowanian]

If it were all legit...and he wasn't looking to Lay some pipe.....Spouses would be allowed to attend...and buy their own Shows.

Brideowanian would NOT be attending that trip.

The Cloud of dust you see pluming, and the Shaking thud you feel is my Foot Stomping[/foot down] Hell No.


If he was doing it legit, to be nice....He'd give her a cash bonus if she doesn't go.


If you allow it to happen....and no way would I....huh uh...and she goes...I vote you send the kids to Grandma's for that week, and host A Boars' week in Lost Wages for The Planet's finest.

I'll Re-Itterate....NO WAY, does a Strait man fund this trip, for this many single women without alterior intentions.

[stevieray]

She met this dude named Steve who made her poo in his mouth. I found the pictures. Dude looked just like Elvis.

wow, no wonder she left you.

[J Diddy]

What I would do, what I would do.


Hire a bunch of hot ass big tittie chicks to work for me and do the same thing.

[Anyong Bluth]

let her go, stock this one up for future arguments. Fight fire with fire

[Fishpicker]

ask your wife to explain the entire situation to you one more time. have a mic and recorder at the ready. it will come in handy for your divorce settlement.

[bishop_74]

It is not appropriate for her to go without you.

She met this dude named Steve who made her poo in his mouth. I found the pictures. Dude looked just like Elvis.

Damn dude... Steve sounds pretty F'ed up in the head.

[luv]

Is he married? Is his wife going? How about the other orthodontist he employs? That would be a double standard right there. Even without considering that, I think he could have done something very nice closer to home and invited the spouses for the price he will be paying for everyone to go to NY with or without spouses. I don't think she should go. She should have consideration for you. Not because of what you have to do while she's gone. You're a dad and a business owner. You chose that, so the responsibilities are there. It's the fact that you two have been wanting to go together. If I had a husband, and I was in her shoes, I would not go. I would, however, simply ask that he give me, in cash, whatever amount it would have cost for me to go. You two could take your own vacation on that.

[Vegas_Dave]

Both of the male doctors Are Married with kids, and their entire families are both going.

The biggest problem for me is that in the reverse situation, I would not have even considered going because I would not WANT to go without her.

Damn me though for always wanting to make my wife happy. I cannot stand the guilt now if she doesnt "get to go".

I was originally thinking fine, she wants to make that her vacation, then I will take my remaining week for this year that same time so that I do not have to worry about babysitting and driving the kids all across creation...

but wait... I run a retail business and that time of year (beginning of December) I am frakin swamped!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[Iowanian]

Don't just say No....say Hell No.

No guilt....don't let her pull that card....IMO her boss is in the wrong for not allowing spouses on a non-work trip(recreation) and She is wrong for considering going.

Don't let her make you to be the biatch here........Lay down the Law.

Never seen a better place on the planet for:

Spare the Rod, Spoil the Broad.

[siberian khatru]

Sounds like the orthodontist wants to do some "drilling" outside the office.

[chagrin]

dude, that is just too weird. Is the employer totally eccentric? If not, then something's up.

[Iowanian]

My Red flag is up big time....

There is NO WAY, that guy isn't trying for some sammich action.

When you see her boss....will he look you square in the eye and have a reasonably normal conversation?

I think if she goes, you should put some glowgerm on her unmentionables, and meet them at the airport, with a black light.

[Chief Henry]

My opinion is that it really isn't appropriate for him to take them to NY without the spouses. She shouldn't go.


My thoughts exactly.

[Braincase]

All expenses paid includes a sitter/nanny for the kids, right?

I would have to say that she shouldn't... and I know that if my wife and I were in a situation like that, she would choose not to go, and then we'd go do the same things together anyway.

[Rain Man]

So....

for all of you saying that Vegas Dave should say no, let's reverse the situation.


Your boss, or a key supplier for you self-employed folks, is female. Almost all of your coworkers are male. The boss tells everyone that, as an end-of-year reward, she wants to take all of you camping and fishing for a week at Lake Powell, or Alaska, or some other cool place. No spouses allowed.

You guys would all turn that down?

[siberian khatru]

So....

for all of you saying that Vegas Dave should say no, let's reverse the situation.


Your boss, or a key supplier for you self-employed folks, is female. Almost all of your coworkers are male. The boss tells everyone that, as an end-of-year reward, she wants to take all of you camping and fishing for a week at Lake Powell, or Alaska, or some other cool place. No spouses allowed.

You guys would all turn that down?


What does my boss look like?

[Iowanian]

It sounds to me like SHE is either Selfish or up to something too.

She has responsibilites at home, and the fact you say this is a trip you BOTH have talked about....no reasonable, thoughtfull wife/husband would go without the other.

"Hey Brideowanian, I'm off to the Bahamas with Jenny Gump for a work outting..no work, but only ladies from Work and I are going"

Maybe you should tell her that all your Friends who work down at Hooters and Cheetahs are going to be coming over for a slumber party while she's gone.


"Oh mah gawd vegas Dave...I was just watching the new Girls gone wild, NYC video and I think I saw...................."

maybe its HER that wants to travel with those young single women to try to score them without the family?

[King_Chief_Fan]

A lot of advice given here.....you got to sort out what works and what doesn't among all those opinions.

On the other hand, you sound more whinney about having to be Mr. Mom .......welcome to the life of most woment in America who have to shuttle kids here there everywhere and do it alone while the hubby is on a business trip.

Your concern is just as valid without the woe is me I have to take care of the children piece of it.

[PastorMikH]

If it were me, I'd have a problem with the situation too. A vacation with spouses not allowed just doesn't sound right to me. Even with the Dentists being married with kids, are they HAPPILY married with kids? Also, what types of activities will the single ladies be involved in and what will they be trying to convince the married ladies to join in with?

It's a tough spot because if you put your foot down and tell her you don't want her to go, it appears that you don't trust the wife. If you don't, you get to spend a week without her (sounds like it could be around the holidays too, but you never said a specific date) and you get to worry about her and also be uspet that a vacation you wanted to enjoy together at a later date will be different now as a result of this trip.

I think Fraz in his first post hit the nail on the head.

[Dartgod]

I guess I'm in the minority too. I would make it her decision and if she wants to go, then so be it. If trust is an issue, then your marriage isn't worth crap to begin with.

[KC Dan]

I guess I'm in the minority too. I would make it her decision and if she wants to go, then so be it. If trust is an issue, then your marriage isn't worth crap to begin with.
I agree. If you love something, set it free. If it doesn't come back, hunt it down and kill it!

[KCTitus]

My wife would not go if I was not invited, especially something that involved something on the opposite coast.

As for my opinion, I for one wouldnt be comfortable with my wife going either and would hope that would be enough to convince her it's not a good idea.

Good luck.

[Katipan]

i'll read what everyone wrote after i post...

but i'd do everything in my power to let my spouse have such a wonderful trip. work.. babysitters... kids... sounds like a typical day in a lot of women's lives. i have every faith you could do it for a week.

[PastorMikH]

So....

for all of you saying that Vegas Dave should say no, let's reverse the situation.


Your boss, or a key supplier for you self-employed folks, is female. Almost all of your coworkers are male. The boss tells everyone that, as an end-of-year reward, she wants to take all of you camping and fishing for a week at Lake Powell, or Alaska, or some other cool place. No spouses allowed.

You guys would all turn that down?



I would turn it down first of all out of respect for my wife. I think the biggest thing I struggle with is that there isn't a choice. The proviso "No Spouses Allowed" is what gets me. Now, I would have no problem with, "If your spouses go, they pay their own way" - in that case I wouldn't even have a problem with "Hey, you go, I'll watch the kids here". It's that "No Spouses Allowed" stipulation that bothers me.

[jspchief]

So....

for all of you saying that Vegas Dave should say no, let's reverse the situation.


Your boss, or a key supplier for you self-employed folks, is female. Almost all of your coworkers are male. The boss tells everyone that, as an end-of-year reward, she wants to take all of you camping and fishing for a week at Lake Powell, or Alaska, or some other cool place. No spouses allowed.

You guys would all turn that down?I was going to say the same thing, except I don't believe the gender of the boss has any bearing. You should be able to trust your wife to not f*ck her boss on the trip or anywhere else for that matter. If she's an adulterous slut, it's time for a divorce anyway.

As someone who's been on several "man only" trips provided by business contacts, I see this from a different viewpoint. There's nothing wrong with spending time away from your spouse on occasion. In fact, I'd say it makes a marriage healthier.

It sounds to me like you're just pissed that you'll be saddled with all the kids/housework for a week. To me, that's a small price to pay to allow your wife to get what's possibly a once in a lifetime experience for her. If she wants to go, you need to man up, sacrifice a little, and give her what she wants. Then the next time you're buddies are planning that golf outing to the coast, she has no good reason to keep you from going.

[Chiefs Pantalones]

My wife works for an orthodontist. As with many dental practices, it is mainly a female environment. In this case, between his 2 offices, the only 2 guys who work there are himself and the other orthodontist he employs.

Most of the women in this office are single and frankly, most of them are downright b*tches.

So the doctor (who is LDS) always like to treat his women to something big at the end of the year. Last year, it was take them all to Celine Dion and a REALLY expensive dinner and then give them each about $1000 that they had to spend on themselves at the Forum at Ceasars.

Sounds great...

This year, I find out that he wants to take all of them to New York for a week, all expenses and shows paid.

Wow, sounds like a nice guy...

Wait for it...

Spouses are not allowed.

This is not a selfish why cant I go thing with me. But my wife and I have 2 very youung boys, 1 & 3 years old. I work my ass off running my family business. She and I have wanted to go to New York together for quite a while. Also, lets keep in mind that she does not get along with most of the women in her office.

Not to mention that in my opinion, any big thing like that or employee party should always be spouses invited (since I am an employer myself).

So is it bad of me to be opposed to her going? Am I wrong in thinking, OK, my wife goes to New York without me, somewhere we have wanted to go together, and I have to work my ass off at work, spend a total of 2 hours per day for a week trekking my 2 boys all over town for babysitting, not to mention then having to be the sole provider for them every waking moment during that time while she is having a blast, Without her husband...

serious opinions needed....

I seriously could bunch the shit out of my walls right now.

Look up in the sky!! It's a bird, no it's a plane, no it's!!....

http://www.00ebooks.com/images/dr-phil-books.jpg

[Katipan]

my god... i guess i have an interesting marriage going by the responses in this thread.

[Iowanian]

If it were for a conference, class, trade show et al....I'd agree with Dart.

Business is business, and pleasure is pleasure.

My job requires me to go overnight some, to conferences, meetings, classes et al.....without my wife.

I'd never consider traveling across the country, on a pleasure trip with my female boss where my family wasn't invited. A fishing trip with the boys from work is one thing..........a week being whined and dined is a 2nd honeymoon, not a business trip.

Its not about Trust, because I'd never cheat........Its about Responsibility and Respect. I completely trust and respect my wife........and She's allowed to choose to do whatever she wants to do. I guarantee Mine wouldn't choose to go on that trip.

Some Decisions would have consequences..some have benefits.

If she chooses not to go, I figure you owe her a weekend away.

[Chiefnj]

I guess I'm in the minority too. I would make it her decision and if she wants to go, then so be it. If trust is an issue, then your marriage isn't worth crap to begin with.

Dartgod hit the nail on the head. The first issue is trust. If you trust her, then you should leave it up to her. She should recognize the child care situation and your work demands and try to work it out with you.

It seems unfair that he let the single women decide if spouses should go. Perhaps if all the married women asked if husbands could come if they pay their own airfare, etc., he'll let them.

[jspchief]

A fishing trip with the boys from work is one thing..........a week being whined and dined is a 2nd honeymoon, not a business trip.

What's the difference? How's a fishing trip different than broadway and shopping?

[Iowanian]

the Fact that the DOCTORS' wives and kids are going...but "spouses" aren't, basically means that DAVE can't go.

Screw that noise.....If THEIR spouses and kids are going.....it'd be a problem. The Boss might not fund Their trips....but shouldn't Exclude them.

Whats good for the Goose....

[Dartgod]

Dartgod hit the nail on the head. The first issue is trust. If you trust her, then you should leave it up to her. She should recognize the child care situation and your work demands and try to work it out with you.

It seems unfair that he let the single women decide if spouses should go. Perhaps if all the married women asked if husbands could come if they pay their own airfare, etc., he'll let them.
I would also point out that my wife would most likely turn it down. But if she wanted to go I wouldn't have a problem with it.

[KCTitus]

Its not about Trust, because I'd never cheat........Its about Responsibility and Respect. I completely trust and respect my wife........and She's allowed to choose to do whatever she wants to do. I guarantee Mine wouldn't choose to go on that trip.

same here...

[Iowanian]

What's the difference? How's a fishing trip different than broadway and shopping?

Is my wealthy, female boss, who said my family can't come along funding the entire trip and sharing the cabin?
Dave's wife will be taken to a store, given a grand and told "you can spend this here".

Will my wealthy, female boss, who is funding the fishing trip be swingin the Limo into the Lumber Yard and giving me $500 and saying "you can spend this, but only in the champaign room"?


I trust my wife completely, and I'm assuming that V-Dave trusts his..........My Radar is just going off and I smell a skunk.....a rich skunk.

I'd view things entirely differently if the proposition were "Everyone from work is going to NYC...we're allowed to bring our families, but we have to pay your way" and then I said "thanks, but I would rather pull out my toenails than go to a broadway show....have a good time, I'll watch the kids"

[KC Kings]

Let me get this right, you are upset because you can't go watch broadway shows for a week?

It wouldbe odd for a wife to go to NY without her husband, but I think it is odd for a mother and father to go on a weeks vacation without the kids, so I guess it would depend on your family's lifestyle.

I don't blame the boss at all for not wanted to bring spouses, because if he paid for your wife x's 2 then he would have to bother with paying for all the single girls to bring a guest also if he wanted to be fair. Does your wife care about going by herself? If so has she talked to her boss about not going? Maybe he will find something optional to give her in leiu of the travel expenses.

[Katipan]

am i missing something here? it's going to be an older.. not 20something man... surrounded by a bunch of women going to fruity shows.

wow. sounds like a real manly romantic honeymoon type day.

[Katipan]

hey! lol

[Rukdafaidas]

To me, it doesn't sound as if the boss is up to no good if he's taking his wife and kids on the trip. It just sounds as though he would like the employees to bond a little and he obviously sees it as a nice gift.

I think this is how I would handle the situation.

I would calmly explain to my wife that it's a trip that I had hoped to take together and that the timing is really inconvenient, because of the business season. But, if you really would like to go, go.

I think it's a decision she has to make. If you pressure her into her decision, it'll backfire in the end.

If she decides not to go, it will have been her decision and you'll both feel better.

If she decides to go, don't automatically assume it's for ulterior motives (unless you have a reason to believe so), it's a really nice gift that most people would hate to give up. I would then try to find someone (friend, relative, church) to help you take care of the kids.

[Iowanian]

Hey Mer....

What drops a pair of Panties faster than a pair of new scissors?

A. A Million Dollars in His your bank account(or Iowanian's charm).

[Rain Man]

Is my wealthy, female boss, who said my family can't come along funding the entire trip and sharing the cabin?

I'm presuming that the New York trip will not involve everyone staying in the same hotel room.


So you guys would seriously turn down a cool camping and fishing trip offered by your boss as a reward, just because your spouse couldn't come along? I'm quite surprised.

What's your true concern in that scenario? I don't understand why your spouses would expect you to deny yourself pleasure just because they don't get it. (Insert bad sex joke here.) I also don't understand why you would expect your spouses to do the same.

My wife got invited on a "girls only" vacation with some friends a while back, and my response was "Lucky you. Go have a blast." It never even occurred to me to not want her to go have fun.

[KC Kings]

My wife works for an orthodontist....

So the doctor (who is LDS) always like to treat his women to something big at the end of the year. Last year, it was take them all to Celine Dion and a REALLY expensive dinner and then give them each about $1000 that they had to spend on themselves at the Forum at Ceasars.

Sounds great...


Are you sure he is Morman? The guy sounds a little bit Jewish in this situation, not wanting to pay for the spouses, IMO.

[Katipan]

Hey Mer....

What drops a pair of Panties faster than a pair of new scissors?

A. A Million Dollars in His your bank account(or Iowanian's charm).

i love your assholiness, but your jealousy would get in the way.

i need to know i can leave my boytoy alone with 15 naked 20 year olds and the worst thing that will happen is a little embarassment.

[jspchief]

Is my wealthy, female boss, who said my family can't come along funding the entire trip and sharing the cabin?
Dave's wife will be taken to a store, given a grand and told "you can spend this here".

Will my wealthy, female boss, who is funding the fishing trip be swingin the Limo into the Lumber Yard and giving me $500 and saying "you can spend this, but only in the champaign room"?


I trust my wife completely, and I'm assuming that V-Dave trusts his..........My Radar is just going off and I smell a skunk.....a rich skunk.

I'd view things entirely differently if the proposition were "Everyone from work is going to NYC...we're allowed to bring our families, but we have to pay your way" and then I said "thanks, but I would rather pull out my toenails than go to a broadway show....have a good time, I'll watch the kids"First off, you keep mentioning the gender of the boss as if it's a factor. Assuming that you trust your wife like you claim to, gender shouldn't matter.

Second, you seem to think the amount of money being thrown around is some kind of negative. Unless you think your wife can be bought, you should be thinking the more money he drops on her, the better.

The only difference between me on a fishing trip, and my wife on a Broadway/shopping trip is that I would love fishing but hate her trip, and she would feel just the opposite.

As far as I'm concerned, if her boss thinks he's going to get in her pants, he's not only going to get a drop kick in the junk, I'm also about to be the proud owner of a dental practice. Besides that, if his spouse is there, it seems pretty clear what his intentions are. And if he was planning on boning the help, I think he's more likely to target the dozen single women over the three married ones.

[Iowanian]

I'm not jealous. I trust my wife completely. I know she wouldn't go, on her own account out or respect under these conditions. Neither would I, rolls reversed.

In my marraige there is a simple rule that we try to follow........."would my husband/wife be pissed if they were a fly on the wall"? If the answer is no...you're fine. If the answer is yes....let Shakes and husker buy another round and scoot......I mean.....If the answer is yes, remove yourself from that situation...or don't put yourself in it to begin with.

Its just Respect.

I have no problem with my wife going on a trip with the girls or if men go. I have a real problem with the circumstances of this trip. I'd trust my wife if she went, but mine wouldn't do it.

JSP...I trust my wife as much as it sounds like you do yours. My wife has worked around alot of doctors, and I've heard enough stories to think I'm comfortable with my opinion for my house. If the trip was offered, I'd probably decline, and not care if she went........the "no spouses" when Spouses are clearly going is my problem. Personally, I'd rather NOT go on that trip, but I'd be a hell of alot more comfortable if it were at least an option.



There is just something fishy, somewhere in this limited amount of info story.....Maybe the Boss didn't say no spouses...I don't know.

[mlyonsd]

Without reading through all the threads I can't believe your wife would consider it ok to even consider it.

She should simply tell her employer if spouses aren't invited (meaning you'd pay your own way), she isn't going.

[PastorMikH]

The little Mrs just stepped into the office. I had her read this thread. She felt that that the circumstances weren't really appropriate. She said she could see a stipulation on whether kids went or not, and she thought that asking for spouses to pay their own way was fine, but to exclude spouses sounded wrong to her.

[Rain Man]

What's your opinion on business trips with the opposite sex, Iowanian? I would think that a trip with a group of 20 people, including the boss's spouse, would be the lowest-risk travel possible.

I've been on week-long business trips with women where we work together during the day and go out for dinner at night, meet early for breakfast, etc. That type of trip has far more potential for problems, in my opinion, even if it's "work" and not "pleasure."

[Rukdafaidas]

I've been on three "team building" trips myself, without my spouse. It's actually pretty common in the corporate world today.

[Fire Me Boy!]

I've read about 30 posts in, so I haven't read them all... please forgive me if this has already been brought up. Has anyone suggested to the doctor that spouses and/or dates and/or families and/or other friends can come if they pay their way? If this isn't about commeraderie, then it shouldn't matter. Likely, the single women voted "no" because they didn't think it was fair that the married women got to have someone else with them and the doctor pay for it... now, the other people joining have to pay their own way, and the single people can bring someone, too.

:shrug:


If it was me... I'd let my wife go, because I think there would be a certain amount of resentment harbored about it. Now, I wouldn't be happy about it... and I would probably express that opinion. But the surest way to force resentment is to forbid her from going. If I'm ever forbidden from doing something, that's like daring me to do it and I'll end up doing it just to prove that I could.

[Iowanian]

I'm presuming that the New York trip will not involve everyone staying in the same hotel room.


So you guys would seriously turn down a cool camping and fishing trip offered by your boss as a reward, just because your spouse couldn't come along? I'm quite surprised.

What's your true concern in that scenario? I don't understand why your spouses would expect you to deny yourself pleasure just because they don't get it. (Insert bad sex joke here.) I also don't understand why you would expect your spouses to do the same.

My wife got invited on a "girls only" vacation with some friends a while back, and my response was "Lucky you. Go have a blast." It never even occurred to me to not want her to go have fun.

My wife and some girlfriends went on a cruise once..."the girls" as in she and some friends. Great. My wife has gone on Business trips overnight. Fine. Some of the ladies from her work, may choose to go to Chicago for a shopping weekend, and she might choose to go....fine. If She chooses who she goes with for a leisure trip...great...I hope its during Bow season...

My example would be, that one of my close relatives gets a yearly trip somewhere as a bonus...Florida, Hawaii etc.......spouses ALWAYS invited.

I'm all for bonus' and personally wish I had more oportunity for them. I'm all for Team building exercises et al.

If asked to go along, i'd probably decline and say "go have a good time".....something about there not being that option just strikes me wrong on a "Leisure trip".

I've done about all I can do here. Its not about jealousy, its not about trust. Its about "Some shit just isn't right" and I can't explain that any further. You either "get it" the same way I do, or you don't I think.

[Anyong Bluth]

in all honesty, you shouldn't take anyone's advice here. Nothing against it, but only you know the dynamics of you & your wife's relationship. Why not just tell her whats on your mind and honestly lay out your concerns versus your wanting to not deny her a great opportunity.

Everyone's situations are different and finding that happy middle for you two is starkly different from some other's middle

[el borracho]

So you guys would seriously turn down a cool camping and fishing trip offered by your boss as a reward, just because your spouse couldn't come along? I'm quite surprised.

What's your true concern in that scenario?

My wife got invited on a "girls only" vacation with some friends a while back, and my response was "Lucky you. Go have a blast." It never even occurred to me to not want her to go have fun.
I guess I view a "girls only" trip as something other than a trip that my girl and I have talked about taking together. I also dont consider a "girls only" trip to be a vacation with people the wife doesn't even like just because the destination is cool. A "girls only" trip is my girl out with her friends, doing things that make their friendship stronger. My concern is that I want to share the good times with my woman, not read about them in a postcard.

[Iowanian]

What's your opinion on business trips with the opposite sex, Iowanian? I would think that a trip with a group of 20 people, including the boss's spouse, would be the lowest-risk travel possible.

I've been on week-long business trips with women where we work together during the day and go out for dinner at night, meet early for breakfast, etc. That type of trip has far more potential for problems, in my opinion, even if it's "work" and not "pleasure."

Business trip? Work Related? Conference? Meeting? Paid? No problem.
Same trip to NYC for a trade show/conference/meeting and they stay an extra couple of days to shop...I've got no problem at all...Here's some money sweetness, have a good time.

I have traveled with members of the opposite sex and know I do nothing wrong....so does she. My wife has been to trainings, schools etc with men and women in the group....no problem.

[Katipan]

i let my husband work in strip clubs, so maybe i'm the weird one

[mlyonsd]

Does anyone know exactly why spouses aren't invited? And don't give me any teambuilding BS. They can team build during working hours in town somewhere.

[Rain Man]

Same trip to NYC for a trade show/conference/meeting and they stay an extra couple of days to shop...I've got no problem at all...Here's some money sweetness, have a good time.


I must admit that I don't see much difference between this and the original scenario, but if you do, that's your own call. That's why you and I aren't married, I guess, along with the fact that we're both heterosexual males.

[Hoover]

Would you be willing to pay your way and go with her? I can understand him not wanting to pay for an entire family.

[Infidel Goat]

I'm in the I trust her and love her enough to give her a cool free week's vacation (even if it means more work for me) club.

--Infidel Goat

[jspchief]

in all honesty, you shouldn't take anyone's advice here. Nothing against it, but only you know the dynamics of you & your wife's relationship. Why not just tell her whats on your mind and honestly lay out your concerns versus your wanting to not deny her a great opportunity.

Everyone's situations are different and finding that happy middle for you two is starkly different from some other's middleBest post yet.

[Hoover]

I took my employees out on a gambling trip last year for Christmas. They were paid for the day (It was a Friday) I gave them money to gamble with, dinner and a hotel room. I didn't give anything to their spouse because they don't work for me. if you didn't want to go that was fine, you were paid for the days work, but got nothing else. That night if their familys came up to meet us, they could use the gambling money to pay for meals or whatever.

I thought it worked out well. Now I want to know why would he want to spend a week with his employees? a day in too much for me....

[Hoover]

Or, go buy her so Sexy Stuff and Victoria Secret, have her use her magic on him, then she can sue his ass. So you should start orthodontist school asap, because you will have a practice to run boy!

[Iowanian]

I ran this situation, without prefacing anything beforehand, other than to put it in perspective to one of her work situations.

Uncoached or coaxed......she indicated that she would choose Not to go on a non-work trip like that, if it weren't an option for spouses "because I just don't think that is right".

She said that she felt if it were legit, there would be an option for spouses to go, and pay their own way.

When I told her that some of you clowns thought I was a jealous, overbearing Tyrant, she reminded me that last year, a friend of hers had a work trip to Cancun and I had no problem with her going along.

I love that woman.

[Katipan]

was the friend a boy, tho? :p

[Rain Man]

I'll bet if I ran this situation by my wife, she'd say, "I don't understand. What's the other choice besides going to New York for free?"

[Iowanian]

was the friend a boy, tho? :p

There would have been boys in the group, who worked with the friend. I had no problem and encouraged her to go...but it fell through.


Cocina is right...none of us understand the full dynamic by any means. Don't let my ranting get you in trouble. Some things work in some marraiges that would never work for others.

Some choose to let guys gangbang their wives on the internet while they watch......Doesn't mean all of us are cool with that.

[Fire Me Boy!]

Some things work in some marraiges that would never work for others.
Ain't that the truth? People look at my wife like a complete freak if she ever tells them I call her a dirty little whore as a pet name and she thinks it's funny.

[Rain Man]

Ain't that the truth? People look at my wife like a complete freak if she ever tells them I call her a dirty little whore as a pet name and she thinks it's funny.

Maybe it's because they haven't heard the story about how the two of you met.

[Chiefnj]

I'll bet if I ran this situation by my wife, she'd say, "I don't understand. What's the other choice besides going to New York for free?"

You need to put a t-shirt on the guy in your avitar that says "My wife went to NY and all I got was this lousy shirt."

[jspchief]

When I told her that some of you clowns thought I was a jealous, overbearing Tyrant, she reminded me that last year, a friend of hers had a work trip to Cancun and I had no problem with her going along.

I love that woman.Don't sweat it Ioweenie. Most of us understand that your jealous tyrannical hold over your wife is just one of many side effects of short man syndrome. :p

[Fire Me Boy!]

Maybe it's because they haven't heard the story about how the two of you met.
ROFL Yeah... that's a good story...

[Lzen]

Both of the male doctors Are Married with kids, and their entire families are both going.

That right there is fugged up.

[luv]

I still say, that should she decline to go, that it would be nice if he would give her the money that he would be saving by her not going. But then again, it's a Christmas present. It's like if someone was giving you a Rolex. Would you say, "No. My Timex is good enough, but could you give me that cash you paid for it instead?"

[Lzen]

Frankly, I don't see how the boss can stop you from going to NY with your wife if you so choose. It's a free country.

[Fire Me Boy!]

I really don't see how the boss can justify him and his partner taking their families and not allowing the employees to bring theirs (at their own expense).

[bogie]

In my opinion, let your wife make the decision. If she wants to go, encourage it and tell her to have a good time. A free trip to NY doesn't come along very often. I also don't see any reason she couldn't ask the boss if you could join them and pay your own way. But there may be some reason she's uncomfortable with that.

[CoMoChief]

(Song from a movie..) "WE MUST KILL THE LADIES MAN!!!!!!!!"

Sounds like this orthodoc is looking for an ass kickin'. Not once have I ever hear of any employer doing this for his staff. Look at it this way, if there wasa guy on the staff do you think he would do the same for him, I doubt it. Or you can look at it this way. If you had a female boss who wanted to take you across the country like that, all expenses paid, would your wife approve of that? She would probably say yes that she would just to make her case sound more reasonable. If it was my wife, I would be pissed as hell. Who the hell does that anyway?

[Rain Man]

That right there is fugged up.


Actually, I don't think they're married to each other.

[Vegas_Dave]

I have obviously spent a good amount of time thinking over this.

I do completely and utterly trust my wife. There is nothing in my mind trust wise about all of this. The other Married women in the group, frankly are mainly complete and utter b*tches and frankly, some of them WOULD cheat on their husbands... so naturally, they said No to the question too... My wife's mother also works in the office so she would be going too, plus - my wife wouldnt have to hang around with the skanks (her mom and her are more like sisters in their relationship), minus - one less babysitter while I am at work. While I dont really personally care for either of the doctors (their both a little on the feminine side if you ask me), they overall are decent guys and I do not think that there was any motive one way or another. Trust me, there is no way to build comeroderie in this bunch of women.So what have I decided to do?

Frakin take a gun and shoot the doctor! just kidding of course...

I told her that she has to make the choice. I honestly am not happy now either way she chooses, and she knows this,
If she goes: Then I have to deal with everything for that time as previously mentioned. Not right. If she stays: Then whether or not she holds it against (though I am sure she would), I would automatically feel guilty, even if she didnt hold it against me.So either way, it sucks for me. I am tired of having to deal with this so there will be no more discussion with her about it, she knows where I stand... and the issue is not whether she goes or not, the issue with me is that if it were me, I would not WANT to go without her. Shes already proved to me that she does not feel the same way and the damage has been done. Does this mean we are doomed, no, not at all. She however needs to reassess things and in my opinion, figure out whats important in life.

What she doesnt know, and I will not tell her until her choice is already made and committed to, is that part of my company bonus would involve a trip.

As I said, I run a family business with my father and mother. The three of us have been wanting to do something really nice for our top level employees. So part of their bonus would be a really nice cruise for them and their spouse (we pay for the spouse too... because to us, the spouse has to deal with their wife/husband's work as well).

This cruise is an Extra to the bonus that they would have received. So my main store manager will get something like $3,000 plus the Cruise.

My mother though will be giving them the option of the Cruise, or the Cash Value of the Cruise.

So my wife does not know anything about this. If she goes, then I will NOT be taking the Cruise. Instead, I will be taking the Cash Value and using it towards a new Big Screen TV for me.

I am obviously not telling her about this because it would obviously effect her choice.

Lastly,

Redrum_69: 4321

[J Diddy]

Lastly,

Redrum_69: 4321



ROFL

[stumppy]

I have obviously spent a good amount of time thinking over this.
I do completely and utterly trust my wife. There is nothing in my mind trust wise about all of this. The other Married women in the group, frankly are mainly complete and utter b*tches and frankly, some of them WOULD cheat on their husbands... so naturally, they said No to the question too... My wife's mother also works in the office so she would be going too, plus - my wife wouldnt have to hang around with the skanks (her mom and her are more like sisters in their relationship), minus - one less babysitter while I am at work. While I dont really personally care for either of the doctors (their both a little on the feminine side if you ask me), they overall are decent guys and I do not think that there was any motive one way or another. Trust me, there is no way to build comeroderie in this bunch of women.So what have I decided to do?

Frakin take a gun and shoot the doctor! just kidding of course...

I told her that she has to make the choice. I honestly am not happy now either way she chooses, and she knows this, If she goes: Then I have to deal with everything for that time as previously mentioned. Not right. If she stays: Then whether or not she holds it against (though I am sure she would), I would automatically feel guilty, even if she didnt hold it against me.So either way, it sucks for me. I am tired of having to deal with this so there will be no more discussion with her about it, she knows where I stand... and the issue is not whether she goes or not, the issue with me is that if it were me, I would not WANT to go without her. Shes already proved to me that she does not feel the same way and the damage has been done. Does this mean we are doomed, no, not at all. She however needs to reassess things and in my opinion, figure out whats important in life.

What she doesnt know, and I will not tell her until her choice is already made and committed to, is that part of my company bonus would involve a trip.

As I said, I run a family business with my father and mother. The three of us have been wanting to do something really nice for our top level employees. So part of their bonus would be a really nice cruise for them and their spouse (we pay for the spouse too... because to us, the spouse has to deal with their wife/husband's work as well).

This cruise is an Extra to the bonus that they would have received. So my main store manager will get something like $3,000 plus the Cruise.

My mother though will be giving them the option of the Cruise, or the Cash Value of the Cruise.

So my wife does not know anything about this. If she goes, then I will NOT be taking the Cruise. Instead, I will be taking the Cash Value and using it towards a new Big Screen TV for me.

I am obviously not telling her about this because it would obviously effect her choice.

Lastly,

Redrum_69: 4321


Oh STFU, quit your bitchin, let her go to NY. Buck up, hire a sitter and or temp. nanny to help you when you need it. And quit complicating the issue.





How was that ?:)

[J Diddy]

Oh STFU, quit your bitchin, let her go to NY. Buck up, hire a sitter and or temp. nanny to help you when you need it. And quit complicating the issue.





How was that ?:)


Spoken like a try chump.

[StcChief]

The 3 married workers need to have a private talk with the Doctor. Spouses allowed, even if they pay their own way.

The fact the singles are running the show seem odd...

Is this Dr. spineless???

My wife worked for a Orthodontist, she was tight wod from Turkey. Lunches out once in a while, Christmas gifts that's it.

But has plenty of money for $500K house in Town & Country, BMW etc.

Her practice is just getting off the ground.

[KCTitus]

...Does this mean we are doomed, no, not at all. She however needs to reassess things and in my opinion, figure out whats important in life...

A marriage should be more important than an all expense paid trip to NY. If it's not to her, Im afraid to say, yes, you probably are doomed.

[stumppy]

Spoken like a try chump.

:spock:
Damn man. I never tried a chump. Never been around one, let alone tried to speak like a try chump.












There was that one time at the zoo with the chimp but I know you can't be talking about that.

[KC Dan]

Oh STFU, quit your bitchin, let her go to NY. Buck up, hire a sitter and or temp. nanny to help you when you need it. And quit complicating the issue.
Just make sure she is HOT just in case!

[Dartgod]

There's no way in hell though that I would make my wife feel guilty about doing something that she wants to do. And you're taking it a step further by withholding info about the cruise and using it to punish her later. Why don't you let her take this trip to NY and not take the cruise later but instead use the cash for both of you to go to NY like you wanted?

I think you are being selfish, but it's your decision and you and your wife have to live with it.

[Coogs]

If she goes, then I will NOT be taking the Cruise.

You might want to re-think this one. Otherwise you might have plenty of time to enjoy that big screen solo.

[Vegas_Dave]

Yes the doctor is Spineless... he has no control over how his office is run. Its sad and I personally have no repsect for him as one businessman to another for that reason alone.

Yes, I do think a marriage is more important then a trip. She thinks this too... just not all by herself...

Basically, she would not go if I said no. Plain and simple. Her mom has always worked in Orthodontics offices when my wife was growing up. her Dad never would go on any of the various trips. So my wife grew up seeing that and thinking it was fine... the part that wasnt ingrained into her was that here Dad did not WANT to go.

She and I are still you (25 me, she will be 23 in Nov). We just had our 4th anniversary so we are still young in our relationship.

Issues somewhat like this have come up before with her wanting to go out of town with her parents without first consulting me and just assuming that I wanted to and could go... Frankly, who the f*ck wants to go out of town with their in-laws? That was in our 1st year together...

So I do think that some of this is a maturity issue in part. I do think that it is something that will change over time, just how it will change is the question.

I do not think that this is a serious threat to our relationship because as I stated, there have been similar priniple based issues before that I can use as a "maturity measuring stick" so to say.

Granted, I am young myself too and I am an opinionated hardass, ask any of my employees... but to the people I care about, I am not. My overall general manager was saying that yesterday, saying that its funny, Dave is a hardass at work but its all an act, hes really a softee... I then proceeded to slap her with a steel rod.

[stumppy]

There's no way in hell though that I would make my wife feel guilty about doing something that she wants to do. And you're taking it a step further by withholding info about the cruise and using it to punish her later. Why don't you let her take this trip to NY and not take the cruise later but instead use the cash for both of you to go to NY like you wanted?

I think you are being selfish, but it's your decision and you and your wife have to live with it.

YEAH, that too.

You might be suprised at how your wife treats you when she gets back if you just say ' Honey, have a great time in NY, don't worry about me and the kids we'll be fine. Luv ya'.

[Fire Me Boy!]

There's no way in hell though that I would make my wife feel guilty about doing something that she wants to do. And you're taking it a step further by withholding info about the cruise and using it to punish her later. Why don't you let her take this trip to NY and not take the cruise later but instead use the cash for both of you to go to NY like you wanted?

I think you are being selfish, but it's your decision and you and your wife have to live with it.
I second... or third... or whatever, this post.

IMHO, it's a bad idea to withhold information to punish her later with if she makes the right choice.

But, I second the whole post, including the part about it being your decision that you and your wife have to live with.

[Vegas_Dave]

There's no way in hell though that I would make my wife feel guilty about doing something that she wants to do. And you're taking it a step further by withholding info about the cruise and using it to punish her later. Why don't you let her take this trip to NY and not take the cruise later but instead use the cash for both of you to go to NY like you wanted?

I think you are being selfish, but it's your decision and you and your wife have to live with it.

Principle. I have to get it across. I cannot let her be the one in control like this where she pouts and gets her way. It sets a precedent and barring John Roberts coming in, that is like gold. (sorry for political pun)

She made her choice and decision initially without even considering OR consulting me. Then when my opinion was sought and it differed from hers, the problem started. I never make a choice like that without talking it over with her first. Isnt that how a marriage is supposed to be?

I will let her help choose the TV so that it goes with the rest of her furniture in the house...

Why not spend it on NY together, because, principle. I want to go to NY with her, we have talked about this several times prior to this trip thing. But that soon after, I will not want to go to NY with her because she did WANT to go without me.

Her bonus was a trip for HER. Then my bonus is for ME. I find that fair, not selfish. By the way, she wants a new bigger TV too... so in the end, it wont be completely for ME.

[Dartgod]

She made her choice and decision initially without even considering OR consulting me. Then when my opinion was sought and it differed from hers, the problem started.
I don't recall you mentioning this part before. Yes, that would bother me to.

[Katipan]

it's "not right" that you're stuck with doing all the adult stuff all week?

yah. it's a maturity issue. :)

[stumppy]

OK junior, you sound like I did 25 years ago. Same old selfish B.S. As much as I hate to say it I would have probably been doing the same thing as you. And justifying it for the same reasons.
Bottom line is You're married, you have two kids, your wife (and mother of your children) has a chance to do something she really wants to do and you are pissing and moaning because she didn't ask you first and it's something you wanted to do too.
Sack up, be a man (and husband) about it. Tell her to have fun with her mom in NY.
And drop the subject about YOUR feelings and what YOU want.
If you can't figure it out with this wife maybe you'll be able to with the next one or the one after that.

[Iowanian]

I don't know that my opinion would have been exactly the same, given the rest of this information. Your first posts made it sound like they were going to Hedonism with the docs from nip/tuck.

Her MOTHER is going too? That fact alone gives me 2nd thought on my initial responses. If my MiL were going too, I'd probably help her pack.

If, what I'm reading is that your biggest complaint is that you'll have to actually take care of your kids for a week, and its inconveniencing to you.....I think you're being a selfish Hag.

It sounds like you've got a little growing up to do too. It sounds more like you're whining about having to take care of your kids, and not actually getting to go to the shows.

If those are your only concerns....get a temp nanny and shoooosh.

If the issue is that she didn't consult with your first or at least discuss it, and is using the Pouting-cooter-lockdown....thats a separate issue, and I wouldn't let that get started either.

[stumppy]

it's "not right" that you're stuck with doing all the adult stuff all week?

yah. it's a maturity issue. :)

Bingo!

[patteeu]

So I do think that some of this is a maturity issue in part.

I think that's probably more true than you realize.

[Dartgod]

...I will not want to go to NY with her because she did WANT to go without me.
I just re-read this and this part stood out to me. Now it sounds like you are the one who is trying to control this by pouting because you don't get your way.

[morphius]

I'd let my wife go. Sure I wouldn't be happy about the extra work I would have to do, but really, one week isn't going to kill me.

[Coogs]

Principle. I have to get it across.

Just don't let a matter of principle get in the way of what is really important. You might have your self pride, but someone else may be married to your wife and raising your kids.

[Vegas_Dave]

it's "not right" that you're stuck with doing all the adult stuff all week?

yah. it's a maturity issue. :)

obviously, you cant read. the adult stuff isnt an issue.

[Katipan]

obviously, you cant read. the adult stuff isnt an issue.

apparently you have a bad short term memory.

it was one of your little emphasized points.

"If she goes: Then I have to deal with everything for that time as previously mentioned. Not right."

a little pissy for the internet also indicates maturity issues.

[bogie]

Dave,
You asked the board for advise. You're getting what you asked for. Unfortunately it seems you don't like what you're hearing. None of us live in your house so we don't know the whole story. However, based on the information we have, I think you need to re-think how you're addressing this situation. DON'T F*CK UP YOUR MARRIAGE BECAUSE OF YOUR UNDEVELOPED PRIDE.

[RedNFeisty]

I just re-read this and this part stood out to me. Now it sounds like you are the one who is trying to control this by pouting because you don't get your way.

I agree with Dartgod.

"I wanna go, if I can't go, than neither should you even though the trip is free." "Besides why should you be off playing while I have to take care of the chores for you?" This sounds very selfish and it is the way it would go down in my household. I can somewhat understand the jealousy of the issue, but damn, be happy for your wife and let her experience New York, perhaps in a few years you can both make the trip together.

Now on a side note, I would raise an eyebrow as to why the spouses can not go if they pay their own way. If not going is due to finances, then I think the wife should be "allowed" to go.

[Big Dog]

Wow, what a thread. I am certainly wondering how it all turns out.

My 2 cents.

Obviously Dave seems a little frustrated that his wife is going on a trip they had hoped to do together. This is understandable.

As the posts unfolded I became less worried about the 'intent' of the trip, especially when I read the mother-in-law was going. (Of course we are assuming she is a woman of some character)

As a happily married man of 12 years, I would be VERY circumspect of a 'play' trip (as opposed to 'business') that spouses were told NOT to come. Although I certainly understand if they were not paid for. My wife goes to conferences were spouses are ENCOURAGED to come, but are not paid for.

I guess my relationship is kind of like Iowanian's, my wife would not want to go without me. And I, likewise would not want to go without her. This would vary depending on the nature of the trip (fun vs business) and the activity of the trip. (She doesn't want to go to Vegas with me for a weekend of poker). There has never been (and I hope never will be) a trust concern for either of us. (I am too damn ugly, and she is too nice :) )

Now as to the cruise being planned by Dave...hey that's just stupid and childish. Without a doubt you are trying to pick a fight because you are pissed and want to exact some satisfactory revenge. Get over it.

What you need to do is to have a long talk with her about your feelings (I know, very un-MAN like)...but I suggest you determine how much of your feelings are based on jealousy and selfishness and how much is true disappointment about missing out on sharing the experience with her.

Oh well...too damn long and certainly too sensitive for a manly man like myself.

[KC Kings]

Dude, she works for a rich doctor that likes to give out expensive gifts. She's probably already banging him, so what does it matter if they run off to NY for a couple days?

[Baby Lee]

Trust me, there is no way to build comeroderie in this bunch of women.
Who the heck wants to build a toilet?

[WilliamTheIrish]

Let her go.

You're just thinking the worst of the situation.

[ChiefsOne]

I think you should encourage her to go. Free trip with expenses paid, you should be happy for her. A little extra work on you part while she is gone, but I am sure you can handle it.

[C-Mac]

Just remember, what happens in New York......stays in New York.
Unless of coarse she chooses to bring him home.

Seriously though, I havent read all the posts but I'm with you.
If the tables were turned how would she react with you leaving with a bunch of single guys and a boss woman? That should be enough to help you deem what is fair and proper.

[Fire Me Boy!]

I guess my relationship is kind of like Iowanian's, my wife would not want to go without me. And I, likewise would not want to go without her.

This is pretty much like my relationship with my wife, and I suspect is like most people's... hell, I don't even like going 45 minutes away to review a movie if she can't go with me. I do, but I'd much rather she go with me. No way would I want to go on a big trip like New York without her.

And I also agree, that the whole cruise thing is just trying to pick a fight... "You did this to me, so **** you, I'll do it back."

[Rain Man]

I must admit that I still don't see why this whole thing is a problem. It appears that it's only a problem because she's going to a fun place that you want to go to, and you're not invited. If she won a car, would you make her turn it down because you don't get to be in the picture in the newspaper?

[jspchief]

Principle. I have to get it across. I cannot let her be the one in control like this where she pouts and gets her way. It sets a precedent and barring John Roberts coming in, that is like gold. (sorry for political pun)

She made her choice and decision initially without even considering OR consulting me. Then when my opinion was sought and it differed from hers, the problem started. I never make a choice like that without talking it over with her first. Isnt that how a marriage is supposed to be?

I will let her help choose the TV so that it goes with the rest of her furniture in the house...

Why not spend it on NY together, because, principle. I want to go to NY with her, we have talked about this several times prior to this trip thing. But that soon after, I will not want to go to NY with her because she did WANT to go without me.

Her bonus was a trip for HER. Then my bonus is for ME. I find that fair, not selfish. By the way, she wants a new bigger TV too... so in the end, it wont be completely for ME.Nice. Good luck with the divorce.

[C-Mac]

I must admit that I still don't see why this whole thing is a problem. It appears that it's only a problem because she's going to a fun place that you want to go to, and you're not invited. If she won a car, would you make her turn it down because you don't get to be in the picture in the newspaper?

Rainman this might be...no wait, this has to be your most pathetic parallel example that you have ever posted.
Oh you know what, I bet someone snuck in at your desk while you ran to lunch, Ill check into it for you.

[Rain Man]

Rainman this might be...no wait, this has to be your most pathetic parallel example that you have ever posted.
Oh you know what, I bet someone snuck in at your desk while you ran to lunch, Ill check into it for you.


It must have been Stephen Hawking. I can see wheelchair tracks in the carpet, and the example was brilliant.

[patteeu]

It must have been Stephen Hawking. I can see wheelchair tracks in the carpet, and the example was brilliant.

LOL.

It would be interesting to see the advice in this thread broken down by age, sex, and marital status/longevity.

[C-Mac]

It must have been Stephen Hawking. I can see wheelchair tracks in the carpet, and the example was brilliant.

Stephen listen to me, you do not know the risk you are taking here. Rainman appears as this forgiving nice guy, but we all here know of his dark side..... and we aint talking black holes here.
Push the keyboard back, grab your joystick and roll back to where you came from.

[Nightfyre]

Principle. I have to get it across. I cannot let her be the one in control like this where she pouts and gets her way. It sets a precedent and barring John Roberts coming in, that is like gold. (sorry for political pun)

She made her choice and decision initially without even considering OR consulting me. Then when my opinion was sought and it differed from hers, the problem started. I never make a choice like that without talking it over with her first. Isnt that how a marriage is supposed to be?

I will let her help choose the TV so that it goes with the rest of her furniture in the house...

Why not spend it on NY together, because, principle. I want to go to NY with her, we have talked about this several times prior to this trip thing. But that soon after, I will not want to go to NY with her because she did WANT to go without me.

Her bonus was a trip for HER. Then my bonus is for ME. I find that fair, not selfish. By the way, she wants a new bigger TV too... so in the end, it wont be completely for ME.
You're clinging to an end of the maturity ladder, alright, just don't look down. You might be disappointed when you see you are sitting on the ground.

[Jenny Gump]

I remember when my ex-wife used to go out of town for work related things alone. Fond memories.

For the last time, I told you that was just business.

[Rain Man]

Stephen listen to me, you do not know the risk you are taking here. Rainman appears as this forgiving nice guy, but we all here know of his dark side..... and we aint talking black holes here.
Push the keyboard back, grab your joystick and roll back to where you came from.

No...............you're..........................wrong.........................I ............................don't........................... believe...........................you.

[luv]

He can't take care of his own kids for a week? He must leave most of that up to the wifey. How does he think she feels having to do the work of getting kids, fixing dinner, giving baths, tucking in, all on top of HER job? She probably doesn't bitch and complain about it. She might actually enjoy doing it because she loves her children. He could learn from that. He's afraid of letting her have control? Does he feel like less of a man if he let's her make her own decision and has to do a little extra work with the house and kids for a week? IMO, that would make him more of a man. He'll never know what kind of appreciation she will show for it in the future. Women have amazing memories for stuff like this.

[Nightfyre]

He can't take care of his own kids for a week? He must leave most of that up to the wifey. How does he think she feels having to do the work of getting kids, fixing dinner, giving baths, tucking in, all on top of HER job? She probably doesn't bitch and complain about it. She might actually enjoy doing it because she loves her children. He could learn from that. He's afraid of letting her have control? Does he feel like less of a man if he let's her make her own decision and has to do a little extra work with the house and kids for a week? IMO, that would make him more of a man. He'll never know what kind of appreciation she will show for it in the future. Women have amazing memories for stuff like this. As for the going on a cruise without her "to be fair", IMO, THAT is what shows that he is less of a man. That is just petty.
I just noticed your post count. You're a machine!

[Fire Me Boy!]

He can't take care of his own kids for a week? He must leave most of that up to the wifey. How does he think she feels having to do the work of getting kids, fixing dinner, giving baths, tucking in, all on top of HER job? She probably doesn't bitch and complain about it. She might actually enjoy doing it because she loves her children. He could learn from that. He's afraid of letting her have control? Does he feel like less of a man if he let's her make her own decision and has to do a little extra work with the house and kids for a week? IMO, that would make him more of a man. He'll never know what kind of appreciation she will show for it in the future. Women have amazing memories for stuff like this. As for the going on a cruise without her "to be fair", IMO, THAT is what shows that he is less of a man. That is just petty.
To be fair, luv, he wasn't going to go on the cruise without her... he was going to take the cash equivalent and buy a big screen TV.

[C-Mac]

Nice. Good luck with the divorce.

It amazes me that divorces do happen over stupid selfishenss like this.

A successful marriage is a compromising fulltime selfless job that should always consider their mate in any major decision.
Its pridefull selfish people that are held in account for 58% of marriages failing.

[luv]

To be fair, luv, he wasn't going to go on the cruise without her... he was going to take the cash equivalent and buy a big screen TV.
My bad. I'll go adjust my original post.

[Jenny Gump]

It amazes me that divorces do happen over stupid selfishenss like this.

A successful marriage is a compromising fulltime selfless job that should always consider their mate in any major decision.
Its pridefull selfish people that are held in account for 58% of marriages failing.

Mine was about whistling. He just whistled one time too many.

[luv]

I just noticed your post count. You're a machine!
No, not a machine. It's called having no life otside of work.

[Rain Man]

Mine was about whistling. He just whistled one time too many.

You told me earlier that it was the bells on his shoes.

[Jenny Gump]

You told me earlier that it was the bells on his shoes.

No...that was why I shot him...not divorced him.

[C-Mac]

No...............you're..........................wrong.........................I ............................don't........................... believe...........................you.

Figures........you dont believe in anything unless their is some crazy Euclidean geometry applied with some non trivial topology or entropy thats proves things to increase. However Steven, even though your busy making up your own language while searching for solutions to black holes, one must never easily discard the theory of rainmanianactivity.

[C-Mac]

Mine was about whistling. He just whistled one time too many.

Whistling could be considered......selfish.
Speaking of which, was he from Dixie by any chance?

[Iowanian]

How disappointed will Forrest Gump be, when he hears that his divorce was due to her accusing him at whistling, and realizes that it was her the entire time.

Her you ask? Yes....Forest told me that her attire was a short skirt, with no squirrel covers, and the hill they lived upon, was known for its constant breezes...like blowing over the rim of a large pop bottle forest says.

wooooooooooooo Wooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"you sound like a choo choo train" ~bobby Bouchette

[Bwana]

After reading through this thread today, I wouldn't have a problem with my wife going. The good doc's family is going to be there as well as her mother. Look at it as a ticket to get away with the boys for taking care of things around the house while she takes off. Do what I do and head out to Alaska for a nice relaxing fishing trip in the future with some friends. If the trust is there, there shouldn't be any issue with the NY trip. There has to be give and take in any relationship in order for it to work out.

As stated before, my wife took off to Barbados two days ago to see her mother and will be gone for 8 days. No biggie, have fun! I have zero problem with it and to be honest, am glad I am not there cooking my nads off in that heat.

I would tell here that you have thought about it and you are fine with her going and that you may be taking a trip in the future with the boys to go fish or whatever floats your boat. If you trust her, there really shouldn't be an issue. If not, there will be more posts in the future such as: "Are there any good lawyers here on the Planet, I need some advise."

[Dartgod]

If not, there will be more posts in the future such as: "Are there any good lawyers here on the Planet, I need some advise."
ROFL Bwahahahahahahahaha...

[Bwana]

ROFL Bwahahahahahahahaha...

Yeah, I was laughing while I was typing it. :)

[Dartgod]

Yeah, I was laughing while I was typing it. :)
You guys going to make it out for a game this year?

[Bwana]

You guys going to make it out for a game this year?

I sure hope so Bob, but nothing in stone yet. You two still need to make it out here to Montana as well for a little ATV riding followed up by some downing of tasty beverages. :hmmm:

[Baby Lee]

How disappointed will Forrest Gump be, when he hears that his divorce was due to her accusing him at whistling, and realizes that it was her the entire time.

Her you ask? Yes....Forest told me that her attire was a short skirt, with no squirrel covers, and the hill they lived upon, was known for its constant breezes...like blowing over the rim of a large pop bottle forest says.

wooooooooooooo Wooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"you sound like a choo choo train" ~bobby Bouchette
Dat cooter's juss fo' dec-o-ration.

Now fix me some brehfas.

[PastorMikH]

Somehow Htismaqes thread reminded me of this one.


So what ended up happening? Has she commited to going, passed on the trip, Doc giv in to spouses?