New Guy at the Office

[Jenny Gump]

:drool:
It can't be....a computer nerd that looks like a male stripper. Poor me.

[Chiefs Pantalones]

He give you a lap dance yet?

[Rain Man]

He's gay.

[Jenny Gump]

He give you a lap dance yet?

No, but it's only 3:30.

[Chiefs Pantalones]

He's gay.

ROFL

[morphius]

Odd, we have a network geek who used to be one. Guy is funny as hell.

[Chiefs Pantalones]

No, but it's only 3:30.

ROFL

[Jenny Gump]

He's gay.

Hey. You have Carla and the harem...I have this guy. Don't poop on me.

[Goapics1]

Endelt just got a new job recently, didn't he?

[4th and Long]

He's gay.
ROFL ROFL ROFL

[Jenny Gump]

I saw him in the breakroom, while I was at the vending machine...I started mumbling about nickels or something...I'm surprised I didn't fall down.

[chagrin]

Open you rmouth and say O-HI-O

[tk13]

http://us.tv1.yimg.com/tv.yahoo.com/images/he/photo/tv_pix/nbc/the_office/rainn_wilson/office_pauldrinkwater.jpg

[Rain Man]

I saw him in the breakroom, while I was at the vending machine...I started mumbling about nickels or something...I'm surprised I didn't fall down.

Ask him if he'll give you a dime for two nipples, and see what he does.

[Jenny Gump]

http://us.tv1.yimg.com/tv.yahoo.com/images/he/photo/tv_pix/nbc/the_office/rainn_wilson/office_pauldrinkwater.jpg

No. That's the guy who told me there was a new guy. I'll be right back. Gotta do a cubicle walk-by.

[Chiefs Pantalones]

Jenny, just go up to him and be honest...

"Excuse me, sir, I'm horny..." And I'm sure the rest will fall into place.

[Chiefs Pantalones]

Ask him if he'll give you a dime for two nipples, and see what he does.

ROFL awesome

[Jenny Gump]

Ask him if he'll give you a dime for two nipples, and see what he does.

ROFL

[Rain Man]

No. That's the guy who told me there was a new guy. I'll be right back. Gotta do a cubicle walk-by.


I had no idea that women did this sort of thing, too. I'm feeling the same euphoria of scientific discovery that those people did who saw chimps using sticks to get termites out of the mound.

[Donger]

Is he wearing a wedding ring?

[Chiefs Pantalones]

Is he wearing a wedding ring?

Back off, Jenny saw him first.

[ptlyon]

I had no idea that women did this sort of thing, too. I'm feeling the same euphoria of scientific discovery that those people did who saw chimps using sticks to get termites out of the mound.

WoW was there a similarity there

[Donger]

Back off, Jenny saw him first.

ROFL

[dirk digler]

Back off, Jenny saw him first.

ROFL ROFL

[Rain Man]

When approaching a single man, there are certain techniques that can improve your odds, such as saying hello and not macing him. Those two techniques, taken in combination, tend to have a 99 percent success rate.

[Chiefs Pantalones]

When approaching a single man, there are certain techniques that can improve your odds, such as saying hello and not macing him. Those two techniques, taken in combination, tend to have a 99 percent success rate.

Rain Man is singlehandedly making this thread a classic already...

All we need is Iowanian, and it's set.

[Jenny Gump]

It's nice to have some eye candy around this place. I have Kevin's pic on my screen saver, now this guy...it's like manna from heaven.

[Donger]

When approaching a single man, there are certain techniques that can improve your odds, such as saying hello and not macing him. Those two techniques, taken in combination, tend to have a 99 percent success rate.

I remember a time in college when a gal walked up to me, smiled, grabbed (gently, mind you) my package, and said, "Hi. You're cute."

That hasn't happened again, however.

[ptlyon]

I remember a time in college when a gal walked up to me, smiled, grabbed (gently, mind you) my package, and said, "Hi. You're cute."

That hasn't happened again, however.

Must've been blind.

[Chiefs Pantalones]

It's nice to have some eye candy around this place. I have Kevin's pic on my screen saver, now this guy...it's like manna from heaven.

ROFL

All ya'll are on today.

either that, or I'm high

[Chiefs Pantalones]

Must've been blind.

ROFL ROFL

AWESOME!

I'm speechless. This thread rocks.

[Demonpenz]

I remember a time in college when a gal walked up to me, smiled, grabbed (gently, mind you) my package, and said, "Hi. You're cute."

That hasn't happened again, however.

thats my queue that it's time to put another dollar on the stage

[Donger]

Must've been blind.

No, not unless she had an invisible dog and/or cane.

[Jenny Gump]

What's the proper etiquitte when playing "drop the pencil" with the new guy? Wait til his second day? Third day?

[BigRedChief]

33 posts and no this thread is worthless without pics post. Can't be a classic with such a slow start.

[Donger]

What's the proper etiquitte when playing "drop the pencil" with the new guy? Wait til his second day? Third day?

Wearing a low cut blouse helps tremendously, I think.

[dirk digler]

Wearing a low cut blouse helps tremendously, I think.

And make sure you wash your legs.

[Chiefs Pantalones]

What's the proper etiquitte when playing "drop the pencil" with the new guy? Wait til his second day? Third day?

How about playing "flash the new guy?"

What a great initiation...

[Sam]

No, but it's only 3:30.

I like that one too.

Cheers,

Your computer nerd friend.

[tk13]

What's the proper etiquitte when playing "drop the pencil" with the new guy? Wait til his second day? Third day?
I thought you wanted to play 'drop the pants, keep the pencil'.

[chagrin]

When approaching a single man, there are certain techniques that can improve your odds, such as saying hello and not macing him.


I'm immune to Mace, see my sig...

BTW - Giggity! Giggitty!

[Jenny Gump]

I like that one too.

Cheers,

Your computer nerd friend.

Wow. Now wouldn't THAT be awkward?

[Chiefs Pantalones]

I thought you wanted to play drop the pants, keep the pencil.

ROFL nice game

[Rain Man]

I remember a time in college when a gal walked up to me, smiled, grabbed (gently, mind you) my package, and said, "Hi. You're cute."

That hasn't happened again, however.

Was she talking to you or your penis? "Cute" may not be a compliment if she was talking to the latter.

[dirk digler]

I thought you wanted to play drop the pants, keep the pencil.

ROFL

She might like pencil dicks

:hmmm:

[Donger]

Was she talking to you or your penis? "Cute" may not be a compliment if she was talking to the latter.

I don't know. Would she have she looked into my eyes if she were referring to my penis?

Ladies?

[Rain Man]

What's the proper etiquitte when playing "drop the pencil" with the new guy? Wait til his second day? Third day?

Dropping it on the floor can be done on the second day. Dropping it in his lap and then fishing it out should wait until the fourth day.

[Demonpenz]

if he is setting something down you should say oh you put it anywhere you want even my ANUS!

[htismaqe]

Don't poop on me.

The lap dance is $50.

THAT would cost extra...

[Uatu]

I've never thought of this before, but dozens of women walk by my cubicle every day. Apparently I need to start propositioning some of them.

[Chiefs Pantalones]

Dropping it on the floor can be done on the second day. Dropping it in his lap and then fishing it out should wait until the fourth day.

ROFL

Unless she decides to go for the kill

[Chiefs Pantalones]

The lap dance is $50.

THAT would cost extra...

ROFL ROFL classic

[Rain Man]

I've never thought of this before, but dozens of women walk by my cubicle every day. Apparently I need to start propositioning some of them.


I'd recommend starting with the ones that drop their pencils. They're either flirting with you, or they'll be too clumsy to get the mace out before you flee.

[Uatu]

I'd recommend starting with the ones that drop their pencils. They're either flirting with you, or they'll be too clumsy to get the mace out before you flee.

Well, earlier I went into the room where the printer is, and there was a secretary standing next to the pencil sharpener, sharpening an entire box of pencils. How should I have taken that?

[Rain Man]

Well, earlier I went into the room where the printer is, and there was a secretary standing next to the pencil sharpener, sharpening an entire box of pencils. How should I have taken that?

She's out of mace and is improvising weapons. Probably not a good option.

[Chiefs Pantalones]

Well, earlier I went into the room where the printer is, and there was a secretary standing next to the pencil sharpener, sharpening an entire box of pencils. How should I have taken that?

She wants you. Grab her ass.

[Jenny Gump]

Well, earlier I went into the room where the printer is, and there was a secretary standing next to the pencil sharpener, sharpening an entire box of pencils. How should I have taken that?

THAT was an invitation to to get horizontal on the LexMark.

[Chiefs Pantalones]

She's out of mace and is improvising weapons. Probably not a good option.

ROFL

ninja skillz

[Donger]

THAT was an invitation to to get horizontal on the LexMark.

See, this is why I didn't get much action when I was single; enough with the metaphors!

[Sam]

You could always ask him if he likes NASCAR and if he does ask him to explain the concept of 'bump drafting'.

[dirk digler]

See, this is why I didn't get much action when I was single; enough with the metaphors!

I know what you mean. Why can't they just say "**** ME Big Boy!"

[Rain Man]

When I was single, I had the following technique for pursuing interoffice romances.

1. Walk by her desk whenever possible.
2. Stare at her whenever possible.
3. Look away if she looked back.
4. Make jokes with my male friends that I was going to ask her out.
5. Memorize the license plate number on her car so I could impress her if we ever spoke.
6. Leave candy on her desk at night.
7. Stare at her if she ever walked by my desk.
8. Look away if she ever looked at me while walking by my desk.
9. Always hold my head way up so she couldn't see my bald spot.
10. Wear a different set of clothing every so often.

I think it worked pretty well.

[dirk digler]

When I was single, I had the following technique for pursuing interoffice romances.

1. Walk by her desk whenever possible.
2. Stare at her whenever possible.
3. Look away if she looked back.
4. Make jokes with my male friends that I was going to ask her out.
5. Memorize the license plate number on her car so I could impress her if we ever spoke.
6. Leave candy on her desk at night.
7. Stare at her if she ever walked by my desk.
8. Look away if she ever looked at me while walking by my desk.
9. Always hold my head way up so she couldn't see my bald spot.
10. Wear a different set of clothing every so often.

I think it worked pretty well.

Stalker.

You married your secretary didn't you?

[Chiefs Pantalones]

When I was single, I had the following technique for pursuing interoffice romances.

1. Walk by her desk whenever possible.
2. Stare at her whenever possible.
3. Look away if she looked back.
4. Make jokes with my male friends that I was going to ask her out.
5. Memorize the license plate number on her car so I could impress her if we ever spoke.
6. Leave candy on her desk at night.
7. Stare at her if she ever walked by my desk.
8. Look away if she ever looked at me while walking by my desk.
9. Always hold my head way up so she couldn't see my bald spot.
10. Wear a different set of clothing every so often.

I think it worked pretty well.

ROFL ROFL :clap:

[Donger]

When I was single, I had the following technique for pursuing interoffice romances.

1. Walk by her desk whenever possible.
2. Stare at her whenever possible.
3. Look away if she looked back.
4. Make jokes with my male friends that I was going to ask her out.
5. Memorize the license plate number on her car so I could impress her if we ever spoke.
6. Leave candy on her desk at night.
7. Stare at her if she ever walked by my desk.
8. Look away if she ever looked at me while walking by my desk.
9. Always hold my head way up so she couldn't see my bald spot.
10. Wear a different set of clothing every so often.

I think it worked pretty well.

Heh. I saw a gorgeous girl once in college (yes, shocking) and followed her, but then lost her in a crowd. I reacquired her walking down the hill towards her car, but couldn't reach her in time. So, I took note of her car make and model, and kept an eye out for it. A few weeks later, there was the car. I left a note explaining what had happened, and asked that she call me.

Sure enough, she did, but got my voicemail. I called her back and we started chatting. She said the only reason she called was because of my accent. Puzzled, I asked her how she knew I had an accent from my writing style.

She wasn't very bright, but she had other fantastic attributes.

[Uatu]

When I was single, I had the following technique for pursuing interoffice romances.

1. Walk by her desk whenever possible.
2. Stare at her whenever possible.
3. Look away if she looked back.
4. Make jokes with my male friends that I was going to ask her out.
5. Memorize the license plate number on her car so I could impress her if we ever spoke.
6. Leave candy on her desk at night.
7. Stare at her if she ever walked by my desk.
8. Look away if she ever looked at me while walking by my desk.
9. Always hold my head way up so she couldn't see my bald spot.
10. Wear a different set of clothing every so often.

I think it worked pretty well.

Should I tell her my shoes are size 15? Women always think that is an interesting bit of trivia. I don't get it, but I guess women sure do love shoes. I figure I have to appeal to her interests.

[JimNasium]

I need some advice. Some strange redhead keeps walking by my desk.

[dirk digler]

I need some advice. Some strange redhead keeps walking by my desk.

Drop your pencil..

[Jenny Gump]

I need some advice. Some strange redhead keeps walking by my desk.

Does she keep throwing her pencil in your lap? Sorry about that. I'll stop.

[StcChief]

Should I tell her my shoes are size 15? Women always think that is an interesting bit of trivia. I don't get it, but I guess women sure do love shoes. I figure I have to appeal to her interests.

Throw in the ability to palm a basketball with your large hands, long fingers.

That will also peak interest.

[Rain Man]

It's nice to have some eye candy around this place. I have Kevin's pic on my screen saver, now this guy...it's like manna from heaven.

I don't want to brag, but I have been a magazine cover model in the past. Here I am in the upper left corner portraying a hardened criminal.

[Phobia]

My recommendation is to give him a straight kneed deep moon. Or smile at him sideways. Or both. Yeah. Both.

[keg in kc]

I sometimes wonder what it would be like to be good looking. To have women look at me lustfully instead of with a grimace or a wince or, the lowest of the low, pity.

[Rain Man]

I sometimes wonder what it would be like to be good looking. To have women look at me lustfully instead of with a grimace or a wince or, the lowest of the low, pity.


Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have a siamese twin who is a ventriloquist. That's a topic for another day, though.

[keg in kc]

I couldn't handle a siamese twin. I don't like being touched.

[Rain Man]

What if you were joined at the back? Then maybe you wouldn't notice.

It'd drive me nuts, though, knowing that someone was always back there, just out of my sight, no matter how fast I turned around.

[keg in kc]

Always thinking someone's behind me, always looking over my shoulder?

*shudder*

[milkman]

I need some advice. Some strange redhead keeps walking by my desk.

So that's what happened to Carrot Top.

[stevieray]

I was a male stripper, but women always grimaced or winced, or even the lowest of lows, they slept with me out of pity.

[CHIEF4EVER]

What's the proper etiquitte when playing "drop the pencil" with the new guy? Wait til his second day? Third day?

The direct approach often works very well. It leaves no doubt about your interest. It displays honesty, decisiveness and courage. Just walk up.........introduce yourself.............make sure he knows where the water cooler and supplies are located.........then stick one of your boobs in his mouth. ;)

[keg in kc]

they slept with me out of pity.Some women like a challenge. Maybe they thought their feminine wiles could turn you from the transvestite transexual male stripper ways of the early FDE years.

[stevieray]

Some women like a challenge. Maybe they thought their feminine wiles could turn you from the transvestite transexual male stripper ways of the early FDE years.

I felt sorry for them when they ended up falling in love with me.

[Thig Lyfe]

http://us.tv1.yimg.com/tv.yahoo.com/images/he/photo/tv_pix/nbc/the_office/rainn_wilson/office_pauldrinkwater.jpg

:LOL:

[keg in kc]

I felt sorry for them when they ended up falling in love with me.I was going to say "they liked the way your ankles looked in those neon pink stiletto heels" but then I'd have to try to explain how I had such knowledge, and I don't want to go in that direction.

[stevieray]

I was going to say "they liked the way your ankles looked in those neon pink stiletto heels" but then I'd have to try to explain how I had such knowledge, and I don't want to go in that direction.


I feel for you, kyle.. I know it doesn't seem fair.

[keg in kc]

I don't believe in wasting time contemplating "fairness". Things simply are as they are. Life is about accepting and living with reality. Pride and jealously are equally pointless.

[Braincase]

I was a male exotic dancer in college, but that was about 20 years and a 100 lbs. ago.

[keg in kc]

I was a male exotic dancer in college, but that was about 20 years and a 100 lbs. ago.I was going to make a "giant head" joke, but then I realized that can't end up anywhere good.

[stevieray]

I don't believe in wasting time contemplating "fairness". Things simply are as they are. Life is about accepting and living with reality. Pride and jealously are equally pointless.

Stop lying, you want to dress up in womens clothes so you can get laid.

[go bo]

I was a male exotic dancer in college, but that was about 20 years and a 100 lbs. ago.good heavens...

did they cut off your johnson? :eek: :eek: :eek:

[ChiTown]

Stop lying, you want to dress up in womens clothes so you can get laid.


Does that actually work..........................not that I really care, mind you.........................

[keg in kc]

Stop lying, you want to dress up in womens clothes so you can get laid.I'm not particularly interested in getting laid, and I don't think that I see how or why wearing women's clothing would impact said effort for good or ill if I were.

[stevieray]

I'm not particularly interested in getting laid, and I don't think that I see how or why wearing women's clothing would impact said effort for good or ill if I were.

Wow. You were serious this whole time?

[keg in kc]

When am I ever not serious?

[Phobia]

I bet more people here know a computer geek who used to be a male stripper than realize it.What about a guy who used to be a computer geek and used to be a stripper?

[stevieray]

When am I ever not serious?

when you're making homosexual references?

[keg in kc]

when you're making homosexual references?I would've gone with "when you're typing pretty much anything" but that works, too.

[Jenny Gump]

Looks like we are destined to rendezvous in the breakroom.

It was love...she, with her back turned, pouring her coffee. Knowing, that he, in his yellow polo shirt, was strategically turned sideways at the vending machine, positioned to stare, yet, turn away quickly as she reached for the sweetner.

Acting coy, she didn't hike her pants up from around her aging hips, in hopes that the top of her pink thong might be showing. "Man this thing is in my crawl...wait...FOCUS...." she thought.

He...hesitated at the machine, as she graced by. Acting very cool, she stopped, turned, and held out a hand..."Are you new?" she asked. "Uhhh...yeah" he intelligently replied. She thought, "Wow, what a way with words." "Well, I'm Jenny. Welcome." she said as she shook his hand, smiling seductively. His big arms, bulging out of the tight sleeves of his shirt..."He wears way too much hair gel...that reminds me, I need to stop at Wal Mart and get shampoo, probably ought to pick up some milk too..." she thought.

"I'm Tim." he said, lips slightly parted, while grabbing his fritos from the machine. A crooked smile crept from the corner of his mouth. "I'm just grabbing my breakfast of champions here, huh, huh" he laughed, but what she heard was "I came in here, in hopes of finding you again. I have missed you so much the last two days. Run away with me to Belize."

With that, they parted ways. I wonder what Tim is doing right now? I wonder if I can just move my pc to the breakroom? I hope we don't run out of fritos. I wonder if anyone is monitoring my internet usage?

[Phobia]

With that, they parted ways. I wonder what Tim is doing right now? I wonder if I can just move my pc to the breakroom? I hope we don't run out of fritos. I wonder if anyone is monitoring my internet usage?
Tim is a consultant. He's having you fired for all your wasted time online. Does he still look good?

[Jenny Gump]

Tim is a consultant. He's having you fired for all your wasted time online. Does he still look good?

Depends on his shoe size...but the answer is "yes, maybe".

[Rain Man]

No, no, no, jennygump! Don't talk to him! In real life, he'll never live up to the fantasy you have of him. It's best to just keep him a distance, imagine him to be your ideal person, and then sit alone on Friday night and think about him while... uh, I've probably said too much.

[stevieray]

No, no, no, jennygump! Don't talk to him! In real life, he'll never live up to the fantasy you have of him. It's best to just keep him a distance, imagine him to be your ideal person, and then sit alone on Friday night and think about him while... uh, I've probably said too much.

like they haven't had sex on the break room table more than once.

[ptlyon]

Fritos for breakfast?

He'll be a fatty in a couple of months...

[Jenny Gump]

No, you are looking at this all wrong...he needs the extra carbs for all the aerobic activity he will be doing.

[keg in kc]

No, no, no, jennygump! Don't talk to him! In real life, he'll never live up to the fantasy you have of him. It's best to just keep him a distance, imagine him to be your ideal person, and then sit alone on Friday night and think about him while... uh, I've probably said too much.Get out of my mind, Kevin!

[keg in kc]

No, you are looking at this all wrong...he needs the extra carbs for all the aerobic activity he will be doing.It takes a lot of energy to scale Mt. Jenny's Ass.

[Jenny Gump]

It takes a lot of energy to scale Mt. Jenny's Ass.

Tis true...unfortunate...but true.

[keg in kc]

Tis true...unfortunate...but true.I want you to know that, when I read the words "aging hips", I threw up in my mouth a little.

[Inspector]

Hey, I'm not a computer nerd.....

[Bowser]

I feel so dirty after reading about Jenny's lustings.

[Jenny Gump]

I want you to know that, when I read the words "aging hips", I threw up in my mouth a little.

Good, that's the effect I was going for.

[keg in kc]

I make a motion that we rename JennyGump "SaggyRump".

[Duck Dog]

:drool:
It can't be....a computer nerd that looks like a male stripper. Poor me.

He has tassles hanging from his pocket protector?

[tomahawk kid]

Good, that's the effect I was going for.

I need pics to adequately judge the hips in question.

[Jenny Gump]

I need pics to adequately judge the hips in question.

Done. All you have to do is ask.

[tomahawk kid]

Done. All you have to do is ask.

Um, where?