Dr. Johnny Fever
10-04-2005, 03:59 PM
Thought this was an fun read... Go Angels.
from espn.com
By Eric Neel
Page 2
This one goes out to all the swing voters in the house:
White Sox Nation wants YOU.
If you're wearing red underwear (whether it be for Anaheim, Boston or St. Louis), if you get misty every time some commentator mentions what an emotional ride it's been for Joe Torre this season, ignore this. If you're part of that small subset of Americans who believe the Astros offense will sneak up on people this week, if you've been known to practice "the chop" in front of the mirror, or if you've just posted an update to your jakepeavyismycopilot blog, you can move along.
But if you're undecided, if you want somebody to love, if you need somebody to love, and if you're not borderline repulsed by the fact that I just did a little Jefferson Airplane riff, you should adopt the Chicago White Sox for the 2005 postseason.
And here's why:
1. Ozzie! Ozzie! Ozzie! While Mr. Osbourne recently announced that physical maladies will keep him from participating in Ozzfest 2006, Mr. Guillen promises to keep rocking throughout the 2005 baseball playoffs. This is good news for those who enjoy gritty, gutty small, er, smartball (the White Sox stole 137 bases during the regular season), and very good news for those who enjoy the candid, slightly unhinged Guillen quote machine. (Who can forget his take last fall on Rangers manager Buck Showalter -- "There are so many different things he might be jealous [of] ... I was a better player than him, I've got more money than him and I'm better looking than him." Or his delightful assessment of former White Sox outfielder Magglio Ordonez earlier this season -- "He has an enemy. Now he has a big one. He knows I can [expletive] him a lot of different ways. He better shut the [expletive] up and play for the Detroit Tigers.") Which, under the pressure of the playoffs, is a trait almost certain to eviscerate and amuse.
2. They're true underdogs. I don't care if they do have the best record in the American League, the South Siders are dogs. Unlike Mr. Affleck's (what's with the NY Times treatment you say? Not sure. Perhaps your humble writer is still clawing for credibility after his regrettable, unexplainable descent into Slickdome above) red-stockinged darlings, the White Sox play under the cloud of a genuine curse (Chick Gandil, anyone?).
To root for them is to root against the 88-year tide of history, against the still-stinking superiority of Kenesaw Mountain Landis, and against the fact that the last truly memorable thing the club ever did was put shorts and big lapels on Greg Luzinski. Rooting for the White Sox is taking up for the damned, for the forsaken. It is noble, charitable work, and, as a bonus for the Chuck D fans in the crowd, it is work best done with one fist raised in the air while humming "Fight the Power."
3. The barbecue on the South Side is delish. I'm not saying you will make a playoff pilgrimage in the next 48 hours, I'm just saying if you do, then you will be mightily rewarded, especially if you visit Leon's on 59th Street.
4. Bobby Jenks needs you. Starting rotation? Check. Mad base-stealing speed guy? Check. Surprising team power? Check. Lights-out closer? Well, in the immortal words of Lofty, "Um, yeah ... I think so." Jenks has six saves, the first of them coming on Aug. 25. His numbers are pretty good (2.75 ERA and a .225 batting average against), so it's not a lead-pipe cinch that he'll melt like a chocolate coin left in the cup holder of your brand new Lexus, but still, these are the playoffs, and he will be facing the Red Sox, which means Jenks vs. Papi with the game on the line at some point. And so you see, Bobby Jenks needs your support, he needs to feel you out there, rooting for him and whispering secret prayers on his behalf.
5. Despite what I said earlier, White Sox fans actually don't want you. According to my friend Andy in Chicago, "Hard-core White Sox fans don't want anyone jumping on board now, they'd rather go it alone." And my first thought, like yours, was, "There are hard-core White Sox fans? Plural?" But then I realized, of course there are, and, like Jodie Foster in "Foxes," they aren't so tough, they've just been burned and they're just covering up so they don't get hurt again. What they need is love, maybe a hug and most definitely your pledge to stand by them no matter how many times the team runs into unnecessary, big-situation outs.
6. Two words: Hawk Harrelson. His gone-quiet response to an opposing team's home run is not only one of the funniest things on free TV it's also one of the most authentic expressions of love and devotion in all the major leagues. The rally monkey is a stunt. The Boston Idiots are a PR campaign. But Hawk too saddened to speak, that's the real deal.
7. A vote for the White Sox is a vote for Carl Everett and a vote for Carl Everett is a vote for Chris Rock as baseball commissioner. "Rock is gonna tell it like it is," Everett told the Chicago Sun-Times last week. Sure, Everett's ideas on dinosaurs are completely wacky, but you gotta admit the Chris Rock thing, that's something we can all get behind.
8. Somebody needs to stand up and say, "Hey ... Hey! Paul Konerko's really good." Somebody has to say that. And that somebody should be you.
9. They've got momentum. Five straight wins down the stretch. Eight out of their last 10. Heck, they won the last three games over the desperate Indians starting guys named Gload, Ozuna and Borchard. They have Jose Contreras riding an eight-game win streak, including a 1.99 ERA in September. They have young Brandon McCarthy and his 1.67 ERA in his last 37-plus innings. I'm telling you, the swoon is old news, the choke story is played out. This club is cursed, yes, but it is also hot, and if we learned anything last year, we learned that historically long dry spells can be broken. The White Sox are looking like a train ride 16 coaches long right now. So get on board, little children, get on board.
10. You have no choice. Seriously. What are you gonna do, pull for the Padres?
Eric Neel is a columnist for Page 2.
from espn.com
By Eric Neel
Page 2
This one goes out to all the swing voters in the house:
White Sox Nation wants YOU.
If you're wearing red underwear (whether it be for Anaheim, Boston or St. Louis), if you get misty every time some commentator mentions what an emotional ride it's been for Joe Torre this season, ignore this. If you're part of that small subset of Americans who believe the Astros offense will sneak up on people this week, if you've been known to practice "the chop" in front of the mirror, or if you've just posted an update to your jakepeavyismycopilot blog, you can move along.
But if you're undecided, if you want somebody to love, if you need somebody to love, and if you're not borderline repulsed by the fact that I just did a little Jefferson Airplane riff, you should adopt the Chicago White Sox for the 2005 postseason.
And here's why:
1. Ozzie! Ozzie! Ozzie! While Mr. Osbourne recently announced that physical maladies will keep him from participating in Ozzfest 2006, Mr. Guillen promises to keep rocking throughout the 2005 baseball playoffs. This is good news for those who enjoy gritty, gutty small, er, smartball (the White Sox stole 137 bases during the regular season), and very good news for those who enjoy the candid, slightly unhinged Guillen quote machine. (Who can forget his take last fall on Rangers manager Buck Showalter -- "There are so many different things he might be jealous [of] ... I was a better player than him, I've got more money than him and I'm better looking than him." Or his delightful assessment of former White Sox outfielder Magglio Ordonez earlier this season -- "He has an enemy. Now he has a big one. He knows I can [expletive] him a lot of different ways. He better shut the [expletive] up and play for the Detroit Tigers.") Which, under the pressure of the playoffs, is a trait almost certain to eviscerate and amuse.
2. They're true underdogs. I don't care if they do have the best record in the American League, the South Siders are dogs. Unlike Mr. Affleck's (what's with the NY Times treatment you say? Not sure. Perhaps your humble writer is still clawing for credibility after his regrettable, unexplainable descent into Slickdome above) red-stockinged darlings, the White Sox play under the cloud of a genuine curse (Chick Gandil, anyone?).
To root for them is to root against the 88-year tide of history, against the still-stinking superiority of Kenesaw Mountain Landis, and against the fact that the last truly memorable thing the club ever did was put shorts and big lapels on Greg Luzinski. Rooting for the White Sox is taking up for the damned, for the forsaken. It is noble, charitable work, and, as a bonus for the Chuck D fans in the crowd, it is work best done with one fist raised in the air while humming "Fight the Power."
3. The barbecue on the South Side is delish. I'm not saying you will make a playoff pilgrimage in the next 48 hours, I'm just saying if you do, then you will be mightily rewarded, especially if you visit Leon's on 59th Street.
4. Bobby Jenks needs you. Starting rotation? Check. Mad base-stealing speed guy? Check. Surprising team power? Check. Lights-out closer? Well, in the immortal words of Lofty, "Um, yeah ... I think so." Jenks has six saves, the first of them coming on Aug. 25. His numbers are pretty good (2.75 ERA and a .225 batting average against), so it's not a lead-pipe cinch that he'll melt like a chocolate coin left in the cup holder of your brand new Lexus, but still, these are the playoffs, and he will be facing the Red Sox, which means Jenks vs. Papi with the game on the line at some point. And so you see, Bobby Jenks needs your support, he needs to feel you out there, rooting for him and whispering secret prayers on his behalf.
5. Despite what I said earlier, White Sox fans actually don't want you. According to my friend Andy in Chicago, "Hard-core White Sox fans don't want anyone jumping on board now, they'd rather go it alone." And my first thought, like yours, was, "There are hard-core White Sox fans? Plural?" But then I realized, of course there are, and, like Jodie Foster in "Foxes," they aren't so tough, they've just been burned and they're just covering up so they don't get hurt again. What they need is love, maybe a hug and most definitely your pledge to stand by them no matter how many times the team runs into unnecessary, big-situation outs.
6. Two words: Hawk Harrelson. His gone-quiet response to an opposing team's home run is not only one of the funniest things on free TV it's also one of the most authentic expressions of love and devotion in all the major leagues. The rally monkey is a stunt. The Boston Idiots are a PR campaign. But Hawk too saddened to speak, that's the real deal.
7. A vote for the White Sox is a vote for Carl Everett and a vote for Carl Everett is a vote for Chris Rock as baseball commissioner. "Rock is gonna tell it like it is," Everett told the Chicago Sun-Times last week. Sure, Everett's ideas on dinosaurs are completely wacky, but you gotta admit the Chris Rock thing, that's something we can all get behind.
8. Somebody needs to stand up and say, "Hey ... Hey! Paul Konerko's really good." Somebody has to say that. And that somebody should be you.
9. They've got momentum. Five straight wins down the stretch. Eight out of their last 10. Heck, they won the last three games over the desperate Indians starting guys named Gload, Ozuna and Borchard. They have Jose Contreras riding an eight-game win streak, including a 1.99 ERA in September. They have young Brandon McCarthy and his 1.67 ERA in his last 37-plus innings. I'm telling you, the swoon is old news, the choke story is played out. This club is cursed, yes, but it is also hot, and if we learned anything last year, we learned that historically long dry spells can be broken. The White Sox are looking like a train ride 16 coaches long right now. So get on board, little children, get on board.
10. You have no choice. Seriously. What are you gonna do, pull for the Padres?
Eric Neel is a columnist for Page 2.