The Cause and Effect Game: A potential new bandwidth-waster.

[Rain Man]

Okay, here's how it goes. I'll state an event below, and the next poster then must specify something that happens as an outcome of that event, beginning with the words, "...which causes". The third poster then specifies an outcome that results from that outcome, and the chain of events continues.

For example,

Poster 1: "Britney Spears kisses Madonna..."

Poster 2: "...which causes Madonna's husband whatsisname to get an idea for a movie..."

Poster 3: "...which causes him to call renowned sitar player Ravi Shankar to discuss it..."

Poster 4: "...which causes Ravi Shankar to board a plane to Hollywood..."

Poster 5: "...which leads to a winsome flight attendant named Brigette joining the Mile High Club as she and Ravi hit it off ..."

and so on.

The rules:

1. The event must be something that could naturally and directly occur as a result of the previous statement.

2. You cannot skip steps. For example, in the scenario above, Poster 2 could not say, "...which causes a guy named Jasper to blow up the Statue of Liberty" because there are a lot of intermediate steps that Jasper would have to do to blow up the Statue. This is a one-step-at-a-time kind of game, because we want a progression that can be achieved via logical means. You have to think in terms of direct cause and effect in every step.

Okay, ready?

Here's Statement #1:


A 7-11 store in Cleveland, Ohio, runs out of Sour Cream and Onion Lay's Potato Chips.

[RealSNR]

...which causes the only clerk in the store to leave the front desk to order more...

[Rain Man]

...which causes the only customer in the store to grab a six-pack of beer and run...

[BigRedChief]

holy crap Skip is gonna love this thread.

[RealSNR]

...which causes the only customer in the store to grab a six-pack of beer and run......which causes the thief to be hasteful and not see the open manhole when running...

[Rain Man]

...which causes him to fall in atop sewer worker Maurice P. Goodman...

[RealSNR]

...which causes him to fall in atop sewer worker Maurice P. Goodman......which causes Maurice to become so angered by the fact that some guy just fell on top of him, he hates his job, and that his name is Maurice, that he unsheaths a recently sharpened scimitar...

[RealSNR]

Good lord, are Rain Man and I going to have to drag this thread on for pages and pages by ourselves?

[Rain Man]

...which causes Maurice to become so angered by the fact that some guy just fell on top of him, he hates his job, and that his name is Maurice, that he unsheaths a recently sharpened scimitar...

...which causes a power outage in the neighborhood as he accidentally slices a power line...


(Keep the faith, SNR. We're just priming the pump.)

[RealSNR]

...which causes a power outage in the neighborhood as he accidentally slices a power line...


(Keep the faith, SNR. We're just priming the pump.)...which causes an elderly couple to miss the final minutes of the season finale of Touched By an Angel...

(is that show even on anymore?)

[ChiefsFire]

...which causes an elderly couple to miss the final minutes of the season finale of Touched By an Angel...

(is that show even on anymore?)
which causes the elderly man to need another release for his medication induced erection..

[RealSNR]

which causes the elderly man to need another release for his medication induced erection.....which causes him to take Tai Kwan Do classes taught be a rather attractive woman named Sheela...

[Rain Man]

...which causes him to take Tai Kwan Do classes taught be a rather attractive woman named Sheela...


...which causes him include Sheela in his will after a particularly enchanting knee drop...

[Taco John]

...which causes Skip to switch brands of adult diapers...

[Taco John]

(I figured I'd get it out of the way. No matter what, I'm steering this thing to cause Skip to switch brands of adult diapers)

[rageeumr]

...which causes Skip to switch brands of adult diapers...

Which ultimately causes the demise of Proctor and Gamble.....

[Rain Man]

...which destroys the retirement savings of over 100,000 retired people, including an eccentric gentleman in Queens, New York, named Jasper...

[rageeumr]

...which destroys the retirement savings of over 100,000 retired people, including an eccentric gentleman in Queens, New York, named Jasper...

Who then decides, at age 67, to return to college....

(no, I don't know how he's going to pay for it)

[Taco John]

...and is now forced to cancel his Direct TV service since he can no longer afford the monthly payments...

[Rain Man]

...who is now forced to cancel his Direct TV service since he can no longer afford the monthly payments...


...which causes him to begin reading Tolstoy's War and Peace to pass the time...

[rageeumr]

...which causes him to begin reading Tolstoy's War and Peace to pass the time...

Which causes him to wonder if it would have been better if it were titled "War, what is it good for"

[Rain Man]

Which causes him to wonder if it would have been better if it were titled "War, what is it good for"

...which, for some reason, causes him to crave a Big Salad, so he heads down to Monk's Diner...

[Logical]

...which, for some reason, causes him to crave a Big Salad, so he heads down to Monk's Diner...at Monks he sees a milkshake and decides to skip the salad

[rageeumr]

at Monks he sees a milkshake and decides to skip the salad

which causes him to have a senior moment and forget that he is lactose intolerant....

[Rain Man]

...and staggers out the door into the taxicab of an Djiboutian immigrant named Mahmoud...

[RealSNR]

...which, for some reason, causes him to crave a Big Salad, so he heads down to Monk's Diner......which causes him to get caught in the rain with a pina colada...

[Rain Man]

...which causes him to get caught in the rain with a pina colada...


...which gives him melancholy memories of his ex-wife Lola, who was a showgirl...

[Logical]

...and staggers out the door into the taxicab of an Djiboutian immigrant named Mahmoud...who shoots him dead

[rageeumr]

who shoots him dead

Which causes a high-speed chase throughout the city, covered by every major news outlet....

[Rain Man]

who shoots him dead


...which leads to his body being picked up by Harley Winfrieder, a kid from small-town Kentucky who is on his first day of the job as a paramedic...

[Rain Man]

...mmmkay, Mahmoud then loads his body into the trunk, and heads for the docks on the East river...


...with Harley being held at gunpoint...

[4th and Long]

...which leads to his body being picked up by Harley Winfrieder, a kid from small-town Kentucky who is on his first day of the job as a paramedic...
... which causes Harley Winfrieder to question his decision to drop out of barber college earlier in the year.

[Rain Man]

... which causes Harley Winfrieder to question his decision to drop out of barber college earlier in the year.


...particularly since he's now being held hostage by Mahmoud, the infamous leader of the Djibouti Liberation Front, an organization seeking to install an anarchical government in Djibouti....

[4th and Long]

Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.... paramedics are guys who couldn't hack it at barber school?
Dude, I work with these guys. I've seem paramedics who couldn't hack ringing up a Slurpie at the local 7-11.

[4th and Long]

...particularly since he's now being held hostage by Mahmoud, the infamous leader of the Djibouti Liberation Front, an organization seeking to install an anarchical government in Djibouti....
... which causes Harley Winfrieder to notice that Mahmoud has split ends.

[4th and Long]

That's a mite unsettling.
Qualifications for being a standard paramedic.

1. No motivation.
2. Fat and out of shape.
3. Complaing about their job as if they break bricks for a living.
4. Have zero interest in saving lives. Just there to gather a paycheck.
5. Treat the patients they transport like the neighbors dog.

[rageeumr]

... which causes Harley Winfrieder to notice that Mahmoud has split ends.

Which causes Harley to offer Mahmoud the sample size bottle of Garnier Fructis conditioner that he happens to have in his man-purse

[chefsos]

...and Harley, calling on the almost forgotten expertise of his lost career, shaves Mahmoud before he can fire a shot..

[RealSNR]

...and Harley, calling on the almost forgotten expertise of his lost career, shaves Mahmoud before he can fire a shot..Which causes Mahmoud to ignore Harley, go back to his hut in Djibouti, and ask his mom if he is pretty

[chefsos]

Qualifications for being a standard paramedic.

1. No motivation.
2. Fat and out of shape.
3. Complaing about their job as if they break bricks for a living.
4. Have zero interest in saving lives. Just there to gather a paycheck.
5. Treat the patients they transport like the neighbors dog.

Continuing the sidebar, this happened here last month:

A woman drove into the back of a parked boat on a trailer, killing the man who was adjusting the fasteners. Paramedics declared her dead as well, and left. 90 minutes later, cops on the scene discovered that she was not dead, only drunk.

[4th and Long]

Continuing the sidebar, this happened here last month:

A woman drove into the back of a parked boat on a trailer, killing the man who was adjusting the fasteners. Paramedics declared her dead as well, and left. 90 minutes later, cops on the scene discovered that she was not dead, only drunk.
Need I say more?

[SLAG]

Which causes Mahmoud to ignore Harley, go back to his hut in Djibouti, and ask his mom if he is pretty

Which causes his mom to think about that and then tell him the real truth that he is a she and was adopted from Sri Lanka

[rageeumr]

Need I say more?

I'm not sure how many of you listen to Johnny Dare.. I used to when I was like 18, was a bit less mature, and hadn't heard the same schtick every day for years on end. Well whether you like him or not, you have to admit he's PROBABLY (I could be wrong, but likely not) the sharpest knife in the drawer. Pre-radio occupation? EMT, of course.

[RealSNR]

Which causes his mom to think about that and then tell him the real truth that he is a she and was adopted from Sri LankaThe mom feels bad and starts a Cause and Effect thread on Chiefsplanet to ease her feelings

[4th and Long]

The mom feels bad and starts a Cause and Effect thread on Chiefsplanet to ease her feelings
... which causes said individual to outsource his posting to India in order to improve efficiency and you should notice no decline in the quality of said individuals posts.

[SLAG]

... which causes said individual to outsource his posting to India in order to improve efficiency and you should notice no decline in the quality of said individuals posts.

Which causes an hard working american to Gamble his life savings to try and strike it rich

[RealSNR]

Which causes an hard working american to Gamble his life savings to try and strike it richWhich causes a casino owner to hit the jackpot on some loser that just lost his life savings...

[SLAG]

Which causes a casino owner to hit the jackpot on some loser that just lost his life savings...

Which causes his mistress/stripper named lola to purchace a new set of knockers

[jiveturkey]

Which causes his mistress/stripper named lola to purchace a new set of knockersWhich causes her to get hit by a car because of the pain pills that she's now abusing.

[SLAG]

Which causes her to get hit by a car because of the pain pills that she's now abusing.
Which causes her to become even more addicted from the illicit drugs the EMT's are giving her...

[RealSNR]

Which causes her to get hit by a car because of the pain pills that she's now abusing.Which causes the driver, named Latoya, to get her car washed to remove the blood stains on the grill

[chefsos]

...which causes creepy Karl at the car wash to reach into Latoya's glovebox and steal her plane ticket to Bulgaria and, God knows why, her dildo...

[Pants]

...which causes creepy Karl at the car wash to reach into Latoya's glovebox and steal her plane ticket to Bulgaria and, God knows why, her dildo...

...which causes Karl's wife, Sandrine, to divorce him after she finds the dildo in his dresser while searching for an Ibuprofen to relieve her headache, which she got after she watched Survivor, where her favorite person got voted off due to them failing a challenge where they had to throw a rock into a basket tied to a turtle, which was moving at a deceivingly fast rate due to the specific pedal properties, which that particular species of turtles posses...

[Rain Man]

...which causes Karl's wife, Sandrine, to divorce him after she finds the dildo in his dresser while searching for an Ibuprofen to relieve her headache, which she got after she watched Survivor, where her favorite person got voted off due to them failing a challenge where they had to throw a rock into a basket tied to a turtle, which was moving at a deceivingly fast rate due to the specific pedal properties, which that particular species of turtles posses...


...which causes Sandrine to have a self-confidence crisis, leading her to dress in provocative manner and go to a dance club for the first time in years, where she meets a couple of very nice and friendly cheerleaders for the Carolina Panthers named Renee and Angela...

[Dartgod]

...which causes Sandrine to have a self-confidence crisis, leading her to dress in provocative manner and go to a dance club for the first time in years, where she meets a couple of very nice and friendly cheerleaders for the Carolina Panthers named Renee and Angela...
..which causes Renee and Angela to invite Sandrine to the ladies room for a little "three-way action"...

[Pants]

...which causes Sandrine to have a self-confidence crisis, leading her to dress in provocative manner and go to a dance club for the first time in years, where she meets a couple of very nice and friendly cheerleaders for the Carolina Panthers named Renee and Angela...
...which causes all three to go to the bathroom to "apply some more make-up", where Sandrine ends up meeting a nice policeman by the name of Rodney, who, along with his partner, Rodrigo, "found" the two ladies causing a disturbance in a restroom while Sandrine was searching her purse, outside, for the newly-acquired dildo...

[Rain Man]

..which causes Renee and Angela to invite Sandrine to the ladies room for a little "three-way action"...


....which causes another partygoer, whom we'll call Sabrina, to severely regret having that fourth Long Island Ice Tea as she pounds on the door to the stall...

[Pants]

[so which story are we going with?]

[Rain Man]

[so which story are we going with?]

[I just always go with the last line and proceed from there. There are some dead ends in the plot, but that happens.]

[Baby Lee]

....which causes another partygoer, whom we'll call Sabrina, to severely regret having that fourth Long Island Ice Tea as she pounds on the door to the stall...
Which causes the schitzophrenic bathroom 'monitor,' Sven to mistake the pounding over his web cam as a Morse coded message calling for the assassination of a senior associate in Amway.

[Rain Man]

Which causes the schitzophrenic bathroom 'monitor,' Sven to mistake the pounding over his web cam as a Morse coded message calling for the assassination of a senior associate in Amway.

...which causes Sven to go home and get his WWII-era bazooka and begin a cross-country drive toward the Amway leader's home in suburban Jackson, Mississippi.

[Dartgod]

...which causes Sven to barrell down the highway, out of control, until he is pulled over by a transvestite highway patrolman named Chloe...

[Rain Man]

...which causes Sven to barrell down the highway, out of control, until he is pulled over by a transvestite highway patrolman named Chloe...


...whom Sven recognizes from his undercover penetration of an Amway convention in Las Vegas in 1998 as being the Regional Vice President of Amway sales for eastern Pennsylvania...

[Baby Lee]

...whom Sven recognizes from his undercover penetration of an Amway convention in Las Vegas in 1998 as being the Regional Vice President of Amway sales for eastern Pennsylvania...
At which point Sven attempted to aim his bazooka at the officer, only to learn that she looks like a woman, but delivers a punch to 'the boys' like a man, a man's man. I mean he knocked those boys into next Tuesday.

[Dartgod]

At which point Sven attempted to aim his bazooka at the officer, only to learn that she looks like a woman, but delivers a punch to 'the boys' like a man, a man's man. I mean he knocked those boys into next Tuesday.
...which forced Sven to resign his position as lead tenor in the church choir..

[Rain Man]

...which forced Sven to resign his position as lead tenor in the church choir..

...leading to the stunning debut of Gilbert Fenkins, a poor but pious boy with the voice of an angel and the songwriting gift of Mozart.

[SLAG]

...leading to the stunning debut of Gilbert Fenkins, a poor but pious boy with the voice of an angel and the songwriting gift of Mozart.

which causes gilbert to invent a 3 key piano

[Boozer]

which causes gilbert to invent a 3 key piano

which causes much consternation in the pianist community, which has no idea how to deal with the 88 pedals

[Baby Lee]

which causes much consternation in the pianist community, which has no idea how to deal with the 88 pedals
Which leads to a resurgence of the keytar, sending the aging members of Wang Chung and Oingo-Boingo to their basements and storage facilities to regain their fortunes on E-Bay.

[Dartgod]

Which leads to a resurgence of the keytar, sending the aging members of Wang Chung and Oingo-Boingo to their basements and storage facilities to regain their fortunes on E-Bay....which causes Gilbert Fenkins to head back into the laboratory, only to emerge months later with his new invention, the fee-tar...

[SLAG]

...which causes Gilbert Fenkins to head back into the laboratory, only to emerge months later with his new invention, the fee-tar...

Which causes the fee-tar to become an instant hit, surpassing sales of the PS2 and the Xbox 360 its first day

[Rain Man]

Which causes the fee-tar to become an instant hit, surpassing sales of the PS2 and the Xbox 360 its first day


...which leads to the creation of fee-tar bars in every city in America, where for a small fee patrons can play the fee-tar in front of other patrons...

[teedubya]

Which causes one of those patrons, Rain mans wife, to yell at Rain man for lack of productivity...

[SLAG]

...which leads to the creation of fee-tar bars in every city in America, where for a small fee patrons can play the fee-tar in front of other patrons...

Which causes the Public Indcency Laws to become null and void because the courts delcare that the fee-tar is the greatest invention ever made and can only be fully enjoyed nude

[Boomer=GOD]

Which causes a movie producer named billy to write, direct, and produce the greatest porn movie of all time.

[Dartgod]

Which causes a movie producer named billy to write, direct, and produce the greatest porn movie of all time.
...which no one goes to see, because everyone knows that pr0n is free on the internet...

[Rain Man]

...which no one goes to see, because everyone knows that pr0n is free on the internet...


but due to the critical acclaim of Billy's movie, porn enters the mainstream of American culture and becomes popular among "proper society", including coffee table books, network television shows, and live performances at fee-tar bars...

[Boomer=GOD]

Which causes billy to join with the Metallica legal team in an effort to sue everyones ass on the planet.

[Dartgod]

Which causes billy to join with the Metallica legal team in an effort to sue everyones ass on the planet....which inspired Metallica to write and record the hit song, Billy, Don't Be A Hero...