Top 5 SB Commecrials we want to see

[Sydd]

I get an email list called the top-5. Some of them are kind of funny, and I thought this one was appropriate for this weekend.

The Top 5 Super Bowl Ads We'd Like to See


5> Campbell's Chunky Soup: For a solid minute, Donovan McNabb's
mom slaps the holy sh*t out of Terrell Owens.

4> Capital One: "If a million people sign up for the new Capital
One Visa by halftime, we'll have our barbarians eviscerate
David Spade and that whiny, chubby twerp live on the
50-yard line during the last two-minute warning."

3> Moveon.org: A tearful George W. Bush, in full cowboy attire,
hugs a barrel of oil and says, "God, I wish I knew how to
quit you."

2> Pepto-Bismol: "Hi, this is John Madden. Let's talk about
erectile dysfunction."


and Topfive.com's Number 1 Super Bowl Ad We'd Like to See...


1> Depend undergarments: "I'm John Elway. It's tough getting the
piss knocked out of you on national TV -- but nobody has to
know." (Close up of Elway's stain-free crotch as he gets up
from being sacked. He looks down, then smiles and winks.)

[Baby Lee]

Pepto-Bismal cures ED?

[Sydd]

Pepto-Bismal cures ED?


I think it is more about Madden never staying on-topic and going off on some tangent.

Sorry if you got your hopes up. :)

[Baby Lee]

I think it is more about Madden never staying on-topic and going off on some tangent.

Sorry if you got your hopes up. :)
OIC. Missed it. I think of Madden repeating tautologies.

You see, if you throw the pass, well, that's more pass attempts. And when you have more pass attempts, that means you're emphasizing the passing game. So, you throw it, and . . . that's a pass.

[Dunit35]

lol. the one about Elway is hilarious.

[Sydd]

OIC. Missed it. I think of Madden repeating tautologies.

You see, if you throw the pass, well, that's more pass attempts. And when you have more pass attempts, that means you're emphasizing the passing game. So, you throw it, and . . . that's a pass.


You know, after re-reading the pepto one, it could be about how listening to madden talking about ED would upset your stomach so much that you would need their product. I may have been way off the first time.

[kcfanXIII]

"when you get great football players, playing great football, you get a great football game."

anybody else wonder how this dumbass got his name on the best football game franchise of all time?

[bkkcoh]

Pepto-Bismal cures ED?


I was thinking of diarrhea of the mouth...

[milkman]

I'd rather see TO's mom slapping the shit out of McNabb's mom.

[Rain Man]

I think a rerun of the less filling-tastes great catfight would be perfect.

Most compelling television moments of all-time.

1. Moon landing
2. Less filling-tastes great catfight
3. Nixon's resignation
4. Series finale of Newhart
5. 9/11

Actually, I bumped the moon landing up a notch so that people would think I'm intellectual.

[FAX]

I would like to see Chuck Norris just say "f*ck it" and give Christie Brinkley a shot right in her total gym.

FAX

[FAX]

I would also like to see the J.G. Wentworth "Do you need cash now?" man get mugged, beaten, and robbed by 4 or 5 desperate crack addicts.

FAX

[mcan]

I'll reprise an old Madden impression...

from 9-19-2005:

Madden: You see, that's why I use these razors with 4 blades on em. You take the razor, and it's got 4 blades, see, so it does 4 times the amount of what one blade would do, all at the same time. See here: All 4 of these blades just go down at the same time... SWWOOOP... JUST like that. And then it's all followed by this strip of blue stuff that's for your.. the uh... dehydration that you might normally get on your face. So that strip right there just rehydrates it see... SHOOOM... So you got your blades and your strips and that's how that works.

[FAX]

I would also like to see the Coors CEO get caught up in an avalanche.

FAX

[VonneMarie]

I would like to see some funny ones.

[FAX]

TV Commercial

TWO WOMEN TALKING AT LUNCH.

Woman 1: "It's just embarassing."

Woman 2: "I know how you feel."

Woman 1: "I just feel uncomfortable going out. I know I have to use them, but ... well ..."

Woman 2: "Have you tried FAX's pantyliners? They've made all the difference for me."

Woman 1: "FAX's pantyliners? What are they?"

Female Announcer: "Many women suffer the embarrasment of "cameltoe deficiency" every month. If you're one of those, you should try FAX's pantyliners. Shaped like a real cameltoe, these pantyliners are made with 2 layers of 100% cotton flannel topped with a 2-layer pad of super-soft 100% cotton fleece. They're absorbent and comfortable, and most importantly, FAX's pantyliners let you wear your clothes with confidence."

Woman 1: "FAX's pantyliners, huh? I'll try them!"

ONE WEEK LATER. WOMEN ARE DANCING.

Woman 2: "I see you're using FAX's pantyliners!"

Woman 1: "Yes, thank you FAX."

WOMEN LAUGH

Female Announcer: "FAX's pantyliners. For the crotch you always wanted. Whenever you want"

FADE TO LOGO

[Rain Man]

I would also like to see the Coors CEO get caught up in an avalanche.

FAX

Those commercials where he's walking around in the pristine mountains drive me nuts. Coors beer is made in a factory at the edge of town a few miles from the old nuclear weapons factory radioactive materials repository. I'm not kidding.

[Spicy McHaggis]

I would also like to see the Coors CEO get caught up in an avalanche.

FAX

Ah see I was thinking he should get attacked by a bear and instead of soiling himself he could pour his crappy beer all over his pants.

[FAX]

Ah see I was thinking he should get attacked by a bear and instead of soiling himself he could pour his crappy beer all over his pants.

Harsh, Mr. Spicy McHaggis.

But I think it might work.

FAX

[Boise_Chief]

The number one Commercial I'm looking for is the sequel to Brokeback Mountain.

Licker Holler about two cowgirls and their life together.

While it may not be as critically aclaimed it will be watched my more straight men and generally appreciated by this board.

[FAX]

TV Commercial

FADE UP: LONELY WOMAN WALKING ALONE IN PARK.

Announcer: "Sometimes depression can strike without warning."

CUT: LONELY WOMAN SEATED ON PARK BENCH ALONE

Announcer: "Life can seem to have no meaning or purpose."

CUT: LONELY WOMAN WATCHES LONGINGLY AS YOUNG COUPLE HUGS AND KISSES IN PARK

Announcer: "And it seems like you face the world alone."

CUT: SCIENTISTS WORKING IN STATE OF THE ART LAB

Announcer: "Many women suffer depression brought on by "cameltoe deficiency". If you're one of those, you should try FAX's pantyliners. Shaped like a real cameltoe, these super-absorbent pantyliners are made with 2 layers of 100% cotton flannel topped with a 2-layer pad of super-soft 100% cotton fleece. They're comfortable and, most importantly, FAX's pantyliners let you live your life with confidence."

CUT: WOMAN (NOW HAPPY) WALKING IN PARK WITH LOVING, HANDSOME MAN

Announcer: "FAX's pantyliners. Isn't it time you started thinking with your crotch?"

FADE TO LOGO

[banyon]

How about one that has a phone booth toppling over and crushing CarrotTop to a bloody pulp?

http://img.slate.com/media/1/123125/2065969/2076253/2082429/030505_carrot_top.jpg

[FAX]

TV Commercial

FADE UP: PENSIVE WOMAN STANDING AND STARING OUT WINDOW.

Announcer: "Are you having trouble with credit card debt?"

CUT: WOMAN GOING THROUGH MAIL AT DESK

Announcer: "Are your bills continuing to pile up?"

CUT: WOMAN LOOKING AT REFLECTION IN BATHROOM MIRROR

Announcer: "Are you out of answers and don't know where to turn?"

CUT: SCIENTISTS WORKING WITH TEST TUBES AND COMPUTER SYSTEMS

Announcer: "If you're one of the millions of women who can't get a decent job or a home mortgage due to the lack of a cameltoe, try FAX's pantyliners. Shaped like a real cameltoe, these super-absorbent pantyliners are made with 2 layers of 100% cotton flannel topped with a 2-layer pad of super-soft 100% cotton fleece. They're comfortable and, most importantly, FAX's pantyliners can give you a fresh start in life."

CUT: WOMAN SEATED IN EXECUTIVE CHAIR IN LARGE OFFICE

Announcer: "FAX's pantyliners. Improving lives one crotch at a time."

FADE TO LOGO