Advice Needed- Marriage, Smoking , Friends

[SLAG]

[old data ignore]

[Brock]

You got trouble.

[jynni]

So you can smoke but she can't?

[Donger]

Did you offer to also quit smoking?

[Mr. Kotter]

If she want's to smoke, she's going to; if you want her to quit, you should too.....as for the rest....wow.....

There are lots of issues, potentially, here.

And rather than give you advice based on an incomplete picture....I'd say, unless you guys communicate very, very well (I mean, tell each other everything and are completely candid)....you should probably consider couseling of some sort. Start with your pastor, maybe; or some of the low-cost/free counseling available through various agencies and organizations....but you may need to even consider a professional.

[Mile High Mania]

Weird situation and by no means am I or 99% of the people that will respond qualified to do so.

However, you smoke and you are hammering you're wife about it... this just seems extremely odd to me.

And, regarding your wife and her spending so much time with her female friend ... I'm thinking this can't be a good thing and wonder if they're relationship has moved past being friends.

Getting her mom and grandmother in on all of this cannot be good for you, IMO.

I would think that you need to circle the wagons, have a getaway with your wife for some personal time and based on how that goes... counseling.

[SLAG]

Did you offer to also quit smoking?

Yes I have - but It netted a Netural Result

[Donger]

Yes I have - but It netted a Netural Result

Do you suspect that the relationship between them has grown to more than friends?

[SLAG]

Do you suspect that the relationship between them has grown to more than friends?

Sure i have Suspisions but No Concrete evidence - I thought It was just my Parinoid Mind-

[Donger]

Sure i have Suspisions but No Concrete evidence - I thought It was just my Parinoid Mind-

Have you asked her?

[Frazod]

Sounds like you're a f#cking hypocrit. The problem is you, not her. If she wants to smoke, it's her right. And if YOU smoke, you really have no right to bitch about it.

Good lord. :shake:

[bogie]

Well one obvious question is why you can smoke but she can't? JMO, she's lieing to you because you have put her in to a position where she has to lie. She may feel if you can smoke, so can she. Your double standard may be pissing her off. If you want her to quit, you should quit too. I am an X smoker, I smoked for 25 years and quit. It's hard, but if I can do it, anyone can if you put your mind to it. The solution the the smoking problem is if she quits, you'll quit.

[Pants]

:dom:

[HemiEd]

Weird situation and by no means am I or 99% of the people that will respond qualified to do so.

However, you smoke and you are hammering you're wife about it... this just seems extremely odd to me.

And, regarding your wife and her spending so much time with her female friend ... I'm thinking this can't be a good thing and wonder if they're relationship has moved past being friends.

Getting her mom and grandmother in on all of this cannot be good for you, IMO.

I would think that you need to circle the wagons, have a getaway with your wife for some personal time and based on how that goes... counseling.


I agree with this 100%, good luck with this Slag!

[SLAG]

[old data ignore]

[Extra Point]

"I Smoke Cig's and so does this friend...."

Sounds like you need to quit smoking to not come off as a hypocrite when you tell her not to smoke.

Have you thought about why her friends don't come around anymore?

Sounds like you need to get away with your wife for a weekend or something. Don't talk about your relationship, just do one.

Narking to her family was not a good idea. As a smoker, that was not a smooth move.

[Chief Pote]

My bet is that she is doing other things while away. Buy a handheld GPS(Global Positioning System) and hide in her car and find out where she is going. You can get those rather inexpensive now days. That way you don't have to follow her. The GPS may tell you a few things.

[Pants]

Sounds like you're a f#cking hypocrit. The problem is you, not her. If she wants to smoke, it's her right. And if YOU smoke, you really have no right to bitch about it.

Good lord. :shake:

I think he has all the right and it's actually his duty to try and stop her from smoking. She just started so she obviously isn't too deep into the addiction. He experienced it and he knows it's not good. He's trying to save her from the shit he has to go through. It's completely understandable IMO.

Now, if she smoked when they met, it would be a totally different story.

[jspchief]

If it's okay for you to smoke, you're a hypocrite to think that she shouldn't.

If you really love her, you'll impose the same restrictions on yourself as you want to impose on her.

It sounds like there's more than one issue. Jealousy over the time she's spending with someone else, and an urge to control.

Is it possible that her time spent with her friend is more about getting away from you than being with her? Maybe you need to examine the health of your relationship.

[Mile High Mania]

I actually think he's more focused on the wrong thing... smoking is the least of the concerns, IMO. I'm thinking this is more than just a "buddy" friendship that he's dealing with here.

The question is ... is the wife neglecting the kids? Sounds like she's neglecting you, but if she's also not paying much attention to the kids b/c of this other woman... yeah, you got a big bag of issues and smoking should be the least of your concerns.

I think your fixation on the smoking issue is your mental way to avoid the bigger concern ... which is your wife's girlfriend.

[ptlyon]

"Free will Kevin, Free will..."

[chiefs4me]

ROFL......telling her to quit smoking while you light one up......:rolleyes: I take it you are young, in time you will learn to never tell a woman what to do..

[Chief Pote]

I actually think he's more focused on the wrong thing... smoking is the least of the concerns, IMO. I'm thinking this is more than just a "buddy" friendship that he's dealing with here.

The question is ... is the wife neglecting the kids? Sounds like she's neglecting you, but if she's also not paying much attention to the kids b/c of this other woman... yeah, you got a big bag of issues and smoking should be the least of your concerns.

I think your fixation on the smoking issue is your mental way to avoid the bigger concern ... which is your wife's girlfriend.

We wouldn't agree on much in football Mile High, but we do here.

[bogie]

And I understand the Wierdness of me being a smoker and nagging her not to smoke, I just know I wish I would have never started and I dont think I would be a good Husband if I allowed her to start something that would not improve her life in anyway.

Your opinion is honorable. But you're taking this to a level that is pissing her off. You don't have a leg to stand on to get her to meet your wish. Also, it sounds like you're becoming a weak man by going to her friend and family. Be very careful, women lose respect for weak men. Once that respect is gone, they have a hard time getting it back.

[Clint in Wichita]

She clearly has an oral fixation.

[Iowanian]

Sounds like you better just break it out and tell her if she's drilling that chic...you get to also.

60-70% of ALL of her days, or that much of her Free time? Sounds like one or both of them needs to get a damn job.

Fraz is right...You're a hypocrite to bitch at her for smoking, make excuses about it, and then bitch at her for it.

That said....I won't tollerate ANY lie from my wife. If you can't trust her to tell the truth about smoking cigarettes, you sure can't trust that she's not smoking pole with this broad at some concert.

Get control of your house.....and lead by example by quitting smoking, Today, to show her you're serious.

Man up Soon.....She's got 1 leg in the pants already.

[Mile High Mania]

Be very careful, women lose respect for weak men. Once that respect is gone, they have a hard time getting it back.

Very true... there's a fine line here, you've put yourself in a tight spot here and it's going to be damn tough to get out.

JSP was on to something when suggesting to take a look at the health of your relationship. There's something driving her away... she's likely not the only one with room to change here.

[Katipan]

And I understand the Wierdness of me being a smoker and nagging her not to smoke, I just know I wish I would have never started and I dont think I would be a good Husband if I allowed her to start something that would not improve her life in anyway.


:banghead: :banghead: :banghead:

allow?

[Brock]

:banghead: :banghead: :banghead:

allow?

ROFL Look out!

[Mr. Kotter]

:banghead: :banghead: :banghead:

allow?

You know....like Brian is getting you ready to cut you off from booze and weed, soon....;)

[RedNFeisty]

Well one obvious question is why you can smoke but she can't? JMO, she's lieing to you because you have put her in to a position where she has to lie. She may feel if you can smoke, so can she. Your double standard may be pissing her off. If you want her to quit, you should quit too. I am an X smoker, I smoked for 25 years and quit. It's hard, but if I can do it, anyone can if you put your mind to it. The solution the the smoking problem is if she quits, you'll quit.

Yep, if she can be honest without a fight she may. Double standards do not go over well with most people, not matter what the issue is. IMO, if you are smoking and remain smoking you don't have a leg to stand on. You must quit smoking first before you can bitch her out for doing it. No matter what your stance is or how ugly you think it makes her look.

I would also say the "friendship" has gone further than just friends if she is pushing you and the family aside. Then again, she could have spent years missing something "friendship" and now that she has it she needs an abundance of it to make up for what she was missing for several years.

[Clint in Wichita]

:banghead: :banghead: :banghead:

allow?

The women's liberation movement was an awful, terrible thing.

[Iowanian]

She married young...missed out on the party girl time, every 21 year old hoochie gets in college, and now she's running with party girl. Something isn't right at home. Smoking isn't the problem...its a symptom.

Get control of your shit or you'll be making a different kind of advice thread before long.

A lie is a lie is a lie. There would be none of that in my house without some serious consquences. I made that clear very, very early on.

[Clint in Wichita]

Yep, if she can be honest without a fight she may. Double standards do not go over well with most people, not matter what the issue is. IMO, if you are smoking and remain smoking you don't have a leg to stand on. You must quit smoking first before you can bitch her out for doing it. No matter what your stance is or how ugly you think it makes her look.

I would also say the "friendship" has gone further than just friends if she is pushing you and the family aside. Then again, she could have spent years missing something "friendship" and now that she has it she needs an abundance of it to make up for what she was missing for several years.


Lesbian sex? ROFL

[bogie]

I am a believer in counceling. You need to ask her, no, tell her that you are having a problem with your relastionship and you want to see a marriage coucelor. If she agrees, there's hope, if she doesn't well, you may be screwed. JMO

[Mile High Mania]

You should pull a credit check to see what other accounts your wife may have... there's a chance that money is being spent that you have no idea about with this relationship.

I'm also guessing that right now you're thinking "Why did I start this thread"?

[Brock]

She married young...missed out on the party girl time, every 21 year old hoochie gets in college, and now she's running with party girl. Something isn't right at home.

Get control of your shit or you'll be making a different kind of advice thread before long.

A lie is a lie is a lie. There would be none of that in my house without some serious consquences. I made that clear very, very early on.

Yep. I don't see this turning out well.

[Donger]

in time you will learn to never tell a woman what to do..

Depends on the woman.

[RedNFeisty]

It sounds like there's more than one issue. Jealousy over the time she's spending with someone else, and an urge to control.

Is it possible that her time spent with her friend is more about getting away from you than being with her? Maybe you need to examine the health of your relationship.

Bingo! If you feel you need to control what she does, you have already lost!!

She is not around you because she does not want to be for one reason or another.

There are so many reasons that it could be. You must talk to her and read her reactions and body language.

[Donger]

:banghead: :banghead: :banghead:

allow?

ROFL

[RedNFeisty]

Lesbian sex? ROFL

It could be just needing a very good female friend that she can relate to. As he put it she has not had that for a very long time.

[Clint in Wichita]

There are so many reasons that it could be. You must talk to her and read her reactions and body language.



Is that because she shouldn't be trusted to tell the truth?

He asks her about the state of their relationship and he's supposed to look for a "tell" like it's a friggin' hand of poker?

[SLAG]

[old data ignore]

[RedNFeisty]

She married young...missed out on the party girl time, every 21 year old hoochie gets in college, and now she's running with party girl. Something isn't right at home. Smoking isn't the problem...its a symptom.

Get control of your shit or you'll be making a different kind of advice thread before long.

A lie is a lie is a lie. There would be none of that in my house without some serious consquences. I made that clear very, very early on.


I am a fraid that one day you are going to wake up amazed that you don't have the control that you thought you had. I hope for your sake it is the way you say, but man I don't know.

[Clint in Wichita]

It could be just needing a very good female friend that she can relate to. As he put it she has not had that for a very long time.

Or it could be strap-on city.

[RedNFeisty]

Is that because she shouldn't be trusted to tell the truth?

He asks her about the state of their relationship and he's supposed to look for a "tell" like it's a friggin' hand of poker?

If she is not ready to face the music do you think she would tell the truth. Sorry honey, we have been married for ten years but now I think I like tuna tacos over hotdogs.

[Iowanian]

.....At least she's not off meeting guys off of the internet.


.....is she?

[chiefs4me]

Depends on the woman.


You could be right, a WEAK woman might let a man tell her what to do..

[plbrdude]

I actually think he's more focused on the wrong thing... smoking is the least of the concerns, IMO. I'm thinking this is more than just a "buddy" friendship that he's dealing with here.

The question is ... is the wife neglecting the kids? Sounds like she's neglecting you, but if she's also not paying much attention to the kids b/c of this other woman... yeah, you got a big bag of issues and smoking should be the least of your concerns.

I think your fixation on the smoking issue is your mental way to avoid the bigger concern ... which is your wife's girlfriend.


i stand agreement here also. there are some issues that need to be adressed in your relationship. how to go about that i don't know how to tell you. i would in no way want to cause a bad wound in your relationship w/your wife due to poor advice. having said that, i do agree wit whomever mentioned a weekend getaway.better time to bond than cut into issues though. also i wouldn't give thought to quitting smoking,i would do it. i'll keep your family in my prayers.

[Katipan]

A promise given under duress is no real promise.

[SLAG]

A getaway would be great- Having the funds to produce such a thing would be even better

[Donger]

You could be right, a WEAK woman might let a man tell her what to do..

Or those that try to hide their weakness by projecting false strength.

[RedNFeisty]

Well I am going to quit smoking today I have 2 Cig's left in this pack and I wont buy another.

She never really had alot of friends This is her first close friend in a really long time, During our disscussions she says she wants to spend less time with her and more time with me, Part of the reason she spends alot of time with this friend is because her friend has kids and they do alot of things together with them and I like my children interacting with others so I dont have an issue with this.. The Smoking is not my main concern - the broken promises are.

As far as her spending money behind my back Im not concerned because we dont have any to spend.


No, if this is really bothering you and you want to lead by example, you throw those two cigs away.

I bet she would not have lied if you would have handled it better. Kids lie so they don't get their asses beaten.

[Clint in Wichita]

I am a fraid that one day you are going to wake up amazed that you don't have the control that you thought you had. I hope for your sake it is the way you say, but man I don't know.


It shouldn't take control to keep his woman from lying. She should do that on her own.

[RedNFeisty]

A promise given under duress is no real promise.



Very, very, very true~!!!!

[bogie]

A promise given under duress is no real promise.

I totally agree.

[Clint in Wichita]

Bitches...can't live with 'em, can't grind them up into itty bitty pieces and feed them to orphans.

[Iowanian]

Its not an issue, because I married a woman that wouldn't lie to me.
I married a woman that is only controled by trust. I treat her well. She's free to do what she wants because she's earned my trust.

Make no mistake though, where the rubber meets the road, I'm the King of my Domain.


I am a fraid that one day you are going to wake up amazed that you don't have the control that you thought you had. I hope for your sake it is the way you say, but man I don't know.

[MOhillbilly]

SLAG-youre not beating her correctly.

and if she wants to have fun who are you to tell her NO? Until you start finding something concrete or she neglects the kids,youre just gonna keep spining the ol crazy wheel.

and like someone else said - put someone in a position to lie,dont be suprised if youre let down.

[jspchief]

Well I am going to quit smoking today I have 2 Cig's left in this pack and I wont buy another.

She never really had alot of friends This is her first close friend in a really long time, During our disscussions she says she wants to spend less time with her and more time with me, Part of the reason she spends alot of time with this friend is because her friend has kids and they do alot of things together with them and I like my children interacting with others so I dont have an issue with this.. The Smoking is not my main concern - the broken promises are.

As far as her spending money behind my back Im not concerned because we dont have any to spend.It sounds like you may already be on the right track. Talking with her about the time she spends away is a start. Quitting smoking is a sign that you're willing to make sacrifices (although I wouldn't try and use it as leverage to force her to stop).

She may just be soaking in the friendship that her life has been lacking. Make her aware that you miss time spent with her, and just let it run it's course.

The one sure thing with female friendships is that they will get too close, then get sick of each other. Then she may still want to spend time with her, but not as often.

[Clint in Wichita]

A promise given under duress is no real promise.


Then it's a lie.

[ChiefsKing]

Tell your wifes friend you want to surprise your wife with a threesome. Her answer will tell you volumes. Plus, it could be a good time.

[Iowanian]

Every day that threadwrecker's husband doesn't hang her from a Tree by her mullet with a pool ball taped in her yapper, is a day he should be nominated for Sainthood.

[Katipan]

Then it's a lie.

very good honey.

now, what's 1+1?

[sedated]

I agree with most of the posters here, they have given good advice.

You are covering up the bigger issue of this other woman with these fights about cigs.

You must quit smoking before you can make any demands for her to stop. Period.

As for the other chick, you should do some research on where they go and what they do, but not just asking her. You don't want to seem more jealous than you already do. Nothing crazy (private investigators), but I do like the credit check and GPS ideas.

If anything, a little research can prove that nothing weird is going on and you are just paranoid. Then you can sit back and feel comfortable with where she goes and what she does (which you should be able to do in the first place).

It's quite possible that since you guys married so young, she's getting her partying out of her system. Just hope that's all she's getting out, and it ends quickly.

Sounds like she needs to work on her honesty. And you need to quit smoking tobacco, there are much better things out there to smoke.

[Wile_E_Coyote]

oh shit, a flood light is going to kick on soon

[bogie]

A getaway would be great- Having the funds to produce such a thing would be even better

Think of how much you will save by not smoking. Find the funds, it could be the most important investment you've ever made.

[RedNFeisty]

It shouldn't take control to keep his woman from lying. She should do that on her own.


People should not lie to their spouses, that is a given. On the other hand spouses should not be dictators and think they are putting down the law when they say don't do something.

[Clint in Wichita]

very good honey.

now, what's 1+1?

Your ex must've done a number on you.

You seem obsessed with the issue of controlling men.

[chiefs4me]

Or those that try to hide their weakness by projecting false strength.




ROFL......Whatever Dr. D......I am not the one on the couch today, it's Slag.

[Clint in Wichita]

People should not lie to their spouses, that is a given. On the other hand spouses should not be dictators and think they are putting down the law when they say don't do something.

True. Any smart spouse (male or female) knows how to lay down the law without "laying down the law", if you know what I mean.

[Iowanian]

I'll wager dp4me's husband drinks....ALOT.

The day I consider a GPS tracking device on my wife's car, because I don't believe the answer when I say "where are you going"...is the day I move out. period.

Without truth, there is no trust. Without trust, there is no marraige. Period.

[Katipan]

Your ex must've done a number on you.

You seem obsessed with the issue of controlling men.

I take it you didn't like my math question.

[Donger]

ROFL......Whatever Dr. D......I am not the one on the couch today, it's Slag.

What makes you think I was referring to you?

[Clint in Wichita]

I take it you didn't like my math question.

I'm far too controlling to appreciate it.

[Yellowbutter72]

Sounds to me like you need something besides your wife to occupy your time! Do you have a hobby? Do you golf? And if you smoke then I would think you would not have a say in if she smokes or not! Communication is the greatest thing to have in a marriage so maybe you need to communicating your feelings with your wife if you haven't done so already!

Good luck! Divorce is not the answer!!

[Katipan]

I wonder how many of the guys that thought they were cyber ****ing Red, were really cyber ****ing you.

[SLAG]

[old data ignore]

[plbrdude]

Think of how much you will save by not smoking. Find the funds, it could be the most important investment you've ever made.



rightly said. though not fancy a 45 buck a night motel hopefully wouldn't break the bank. could be money well spent.

[Clint in Wichita]

I wonder how many of the guys that thought they were cyber ****ing Red, were really cyber ****ing you.


I'm so controlling, probably all of them.

[chiefs4me]

I'll wager dp4me's husband drinks....ALOT.

The day I consider a GPS tracking device on my wife's car, because I don't believe the answer when I say "where are you going"...is the day I move out. period.

Without truth, there is no trust. Without trust, there is no marraige. Period.





ROFL.....I never get tired of reading how you think you know everything about life and relationships, maybe you are in the wrong business, and for the record, My SO reads some of these threads,(he wants to know why I am always laughing) so I show him.... he just doesn't post, sees no need to defend me, I defend myself........:D

[Mile High Mania]

Wow ... somewhere we took a left turn in this thread...

[chiefs4me]

What makes you think I was referring to you?




uh duh.....you are always referring to me...:rolleyes:

[Clint in Wichita]

ROFL.....I never get tired of reading how you think you know everything about life and relationships, maybe you are in the wrong business


Well, YOU certainly never hesitate to throw in your 2 cents about other people's relationships. However, that's not just you...that's most broads.

[SLAG]

Sounds to me like you need something besides your wife to occupy your time! Do you have a hobby? Do you golf? And if you smoke then I would think you would not have a say in if she smokes or not! Communication is the greatest thing to have in a marriage so maybe you need to communicating your feelings with your wife if you haven't done so already!

Good luck! Divorce is not the answer!!

I have Explictlly let her know how i feel.

Im not getting any Candid responses from her at all

[chiefs4me]

Wow ... somewhere we took a left turn in this thread...



yea, he's famous for straying off topic....:D

[Iowanian]

Slag.....

If money is the issue, there are things you can do that don't take alot. Regardless, it seems to me, you two need some time, alone, without distraction to talk and figure some things out. Regroup as a couple, if you will.

I know you've got kids, but I assume you've got family that could take them for a weekend?

I'll show a card from the bag of Iowani-tricks. weather is warming up....

A couple of years ago(BC-before Children)..I made plans for a weekend of camping and sight seeing without telling her. I told her "keep next weekend open....and thursday said "pack a bag to be prepared for anything for 2 days". I packed when she wasn't around, didn't tell her where we were going until we got close.....even as we drove by the Airport I teased "ever been to vegas".....

We drove 3-4hrs to a nice, scenic park I'd found out about and camped. We took some short day trips, walked some trails at a nearby park...and stopped to see some stuff on the drive home.

It was a great weekend, and didn't cost $100, including gas.

If you don't have the gear....borrow it.

I'll wager the planet would be able to help you find a good location, and some ideas.

[Katipan]

I have Explictlly let her know how i feel.

Im not getting any Candid responses from her at all

Maybe she doesn't want to deal with you running and telling her grandmother her business.

[RedNFeisty]

I wonder how many of the guys that thought they were cyber ****ing Red, were really cyber ****ing you.



:harumph:

HEY!!!!! I haven't cyber ****ed anyone damn it!!! So they must have all be ****ing Clint!
ROFL

[chiefs4me]

Well, YOU certainly never hesitate to throw in your 2 cents about other people's relationships. However, that's not just you...that's most broads.






don't go there clint, I haven't said shit to you, but I can start.......:rolleyes:

[Donger]

uh duh.....you are always referring to me...:rolleyes:

Wow.

[plbrdude]

I dont Consider myself controlling, I Feel that both of us should push eachother to constantly improve, To do the right thing and to be open and honest.

I just wonder if im the only one that has that opinion



yer not.

[bogie]

I dont Consider myself controlling, I Feel that both of us should push eachother to constantly improve, To do the right thing and to be open and honest.

I just wonder if im the only one that has that opinion

You have asked a lot of good questions here. Go ask the person that really needs to hear them. Remember though, her answers may piss you off. Keep your anger in tact and don't be a whiny bitch when you're talking to her. Once you hear her answers, if they worry you, I would still consider counceling.

[Katipan]

Does Clint ever log onto your account and send me PMs?

[RedNFeisty]

Slag.....

If money is the issue, there are things you can do that don't take alot. Regardless, it seems to me, you two need some time, alone, without distraction to talk and figure some things out. Regroup as a couple, if you will.

I know you've got kids, but I assume you've got family that could take them for a weekend?

I'll show a card from the bag of Iowani-tricks. weather is warming up....

A couple of years ago(BC-before Children)..I made plans for a weekend of camping and sight seeing without telling her. I told her "keep next weekend open....and thursday said "pack a bag to be prepared for anything for 2 days". I packed when she wasn't around, didn't tell her where we were going until we got close.....even as we drove by the Airport I teased "ever been to vegas".....

We drove 3-4hrs to a nice, scenic park I'd found out about and camped. We took some short day trips, walked some trails at a nearby park...and stopped to see some stuff on the drive home.

It was a great weekend, and didn't cost $100, including gas.

If you don't have the gear....borrow it.

I'll wager the planet would be able to help you find a good location, and some ideas.

Fantastic idea!! Kudos to you Iowanian!

[Katipan]

Wow.

You forgot the "oh"

[Iowanian]

negative Red....DP says I don't know shit about women folk.

[MOhillbilly]

the man from iowa hit it dead center.

take a deep deeeeeeep breath and get back to the basics.

[mike_b_284]

you should get a divorce and make her pay child support.

[1adam1238]

Leave her butt!!! No excuse, she should do as she is told!!!!

[SLAG]

[old data ignore]

[Donger]

don't go there clint, I haven't said shit to you, but I can start.......:rolleyes:

Careful Clint. You DON'T wont chiefs4me to be angry with you.

[Mile High Mania]

I have and She is just silent and then she cries and then she promises not to smoke again... but I keep asking her not to lie to me.....

when we fight She brings up alot of things i have done in the past but she brought them to me address her issues and I changed or took care of whatever she wanted.

Forget about the smoking... let her smoke 3 packs a day, this is the least of your concerns. She likely wants to talk about the issues you're having but smoking is not it, but it's what you are fixated on.

Drop it.

I put in bold a comment that I think digs deeper into the issues...

You've painted a picture of smoking, lies and another woman... and I think we're just getting 1/2 the story (obviously). Sounds like your past actions may have created your present issues.

Bottom line - none of us can help you.

She's spending too much time with her friend and you are spending too much time online... you're averaging just north of 18 posts a day on this site.

Fix your life.

[ptlyon]

Sorry honey, we have been married for ten years but now I think I like tuna tacos over hotdogs.

Dubbya Oh Dubbya - WOW

[SLAG]

[old data ignore]

[Donger]

Thats the thing..


Im online at work... and shes at home with our kids and her friend....

I cant quit my job

Is the friend married? Kids?

[Mile High Mania]

I dunno... you guys need some personal time, take the kids to the grandparents or something, but you need some time alone to work things out.

It could be camping, hell stay at home - just don't answer the phones, turn on the TV or go anywhere.

All that is happening now is the situation is festering...

[patteeu]

Get yourself a gay boyfriend and fight fire with fire. ;) (Just kidding, I don't think you really have that much to worry about as far as the extent of your wife's "friendship" is concerned).

Seriously, quit smoking yourself and ask her to quit with you for both of your sake's. Don't demand it. Let her know that you'd rather have her be honest with you and tell you that she won't quit than have to deal with the lack of trust that lying will create. If she says she won't quit, you should quit anyway and let her know you're doing this because you know it's the right thing to do for yourself and that you hope that at some point she will change her mind but that you will deal with it either way. You can't make her quit, you are more likely to drive her away with a demanding approach.

Try to set time aside in advance to spend together (i.e. make a date) even if you can't afford to go anywhere extravegant. Rent a movie or play a game with the kids (if you have them) or make dinner together or go to the zoo or (anything else that you can afford and that she will enjoy). Learn how to give a massage and give her a DIY spa treatment at home without expecting sex. Let her spend other time with her friend. Become friends with her friend so you can all do things together.

[The Bad Guy]

And I understand the Wierdness of me being a smoker and nagging her not to smoke, I just know I wish I would have never started and I dont think I would be a good Husband if I allowed her to start something that would not improve her life in anyway.

How long were you with your wife before you decided to get married?

I know you said you had two kids. Did you have them before you were married?

I think you said you were 21 and your wife was around that age. That's awfully young to get married now.

She might be rebelling in a sense because everyone her own age is out having a good time and she has all this responsibility from the marriage, kids, you.

I think if you want to get her to quit, set an example. It seems like this is more a parent/child relationship than it is a marriage.

[SLAG]

[old data ignore]

[Donger]

The friend is married with kids...

And thats why my wife can relate to her so well.

My wife has made it clear though that her friend is not happy in her marriage and I hear sometimes from her friend that she wants to leave her husband.

I just dont see this friend as a Postive Influence on my wife.


As far as spending time alone we have and we do....

For Valentines all we could do is rent a movie have some wine and order pizza just us two no kids...

if you remmeber last week I took her out to dinner and drinks no kids..

We have our alone time but her lies are making it hard for me to enjoy those times to the fullest extent.

Is she only lying about the smoking?

[chiefs4me]

The friend is married with kids...

And thats why my wife can relate to her so well.

My wife has made it clear though that her friend is not happy in her marriage and I hear sometimes from her friend that she wants to leave her husband.

I just dont see this friend as a Postive Influence on my wife.


As far as spending time alone we have and we do....

For Valentines all we could do is rent a movie have some wine and order pizza just us two no kids...

if you remmeber last week I took her out to dinner and drinks no kids..

We have our alone time but her lies are making it hard for me to enjoy those times to the fullest extent.






what lies??? I thought the only lie was about smoking???:hmmm:

[chiefs4me]

damn........:banghead:

[Mile High Mania]

We have our alone time but her lies are making it hard for me to enjoy those times to the fullest extent.

I'm just guessing but, I'm sure she feels the same way when you're bagging on her for smoking when you do the very thing she's being told not to do.

Age has a lot to do with this as well... I know that I was nowhere near being capable of having a strong committed relationship and kids in my early 20's. Hell, I'm 35 and not sure I can handle it.

You guys are really young and you have a lot of stuff to deal with, primarily the kids...

If your attempts to work it out are failing, go to church ... get counseling, something.

[SLAG]

[old data ignore]

[Donger]

damn........:banghead:

Knock it off; this thread isn't about you.

[SLAG]

[old data ignore]

[mike_b_284]

Or it could be strap-on city.

you haven't seen her friend :Lin:

[Donger]

I tell her that im not her daddy and i cant make her do anything.. but because im her husband Its my duty to push her to do the right thing.

No, it isn't.

[chiefs4me]

Yes but its happend Multipule times..

shes a bad liar anyway i can alway catch it.






You catch her in other lies??? Not having anything to do with smoking?

[Inspector]

Tell her smoking is only bad for women and that you want her to have her girlfriend join you two in the sack.

I haven't read all the posts, so I'm assuming this has already been said.

Seriously, good luck man. Hope you get it worked out.

[SLAG]

No, it isn't.

:spock:

[SLAG]

You catch her in other lies??? Not having anything to do with smoking?

Not really lies... just Like when she tries to suprise me or something... nothing serious

[Mile High Mania]

Slag... with each additional post, it's becoming clear that you may need a mirror... your wife, her friend and the smoking may not be the issue at all.

[bogie]

The friend is married with kids...

And thats why my wife can relate to her so well.

My wife has made it clear though that her friend is not happy in her marriage and I hear sometimes from her friend that she wants to leave her husband.

I just dont see this friend as a Postive Influence on my wife.


As far as spending time alone we have and we do....

For Valentines all we could do is rent a movie have some wine and order pizza just us two no kids...

if you remmeber last week I took her out to dinner and drinks no kids..

We have our alone time but her lies are making it hard for me to enjoy those times to the fullest extent.

You gotta get off of this lieing thing. Do you want to solve the problem? Start a conversation focusing on the present. She's lieing about the smoking because YOU are wrong to tell her to quit when you are a smoker. Set up another date, tell her you love her and there's nothing more important to you in this world than her. Then shut up and listen.

[Donger]

:spock:

Go back and read what you wrote again. Do you not see a glaring contradiction?

[Katipan]

Slag... with each additional post, it's becoming clear that you may need a mirror... your wife, her friend and the smoking may not be the issue at all.

That was clear on page 1

[SLAG]

[old data ignore]

[Katipan]

She's a better person if she doesn't smoke?

[SLAG]

She's a better person if she doesn't smoke?

IMO yes... its a Character trait

[Mile High Mania]

IMO yes... its a Character trait

Ok, so ... if this is true, then why should she listen to you?

[The Bad Guy]

IMO yes... its a Character trait

That's just ridiculous.

You're too immature to be married. You smoke, but the wife can't.

[SLAG]

[old data ignore]

[greg63]

Hey buddy, speaking as a friend I think your words and your relationship might be taken more seriously if you make an attempt to quit smoking, or at least reduce your smoking. Tell your wife that you need her help, and ask her to quit with you. I understand that there are times of irritability associated with this kind of action, but it sounds as if things are quite tense as it is. At any rate, maybe this could be a way of reducing her time with her friend and spending more time with you. I'm not saying that she should have to give up her friend, and I don't see you saying that either, but if she is spending the kind of time with her you say she is then that, I think, needs fixing. JMHO. Good luck bud.

[bogie]

IMO yes... its a Character trait

You need someone else involved in this. You are not mature enough to handle this problem. Seek counceling, talk to a minister, talk to an adult.

[The Bad Guy]

We were together for 3 Years before we got married.

We had one Child before we got married.

I tell her that im not her daddy and i cant make her do anything.. but because im her husband Its my duty to push her to do the right thing.

Did you get married because of the child?

So you were around 16-17 when you started dating? That's just way to young to have a committed long-term relationship.

You're trying to make her do it. That's the same thing a daddy would do.

[The Bad Guy]

she knew i was a smoker since day 1.


it was never an issue for her

Then why is it an issue for you?

[Mile High Mania]

she knew i was a smoker since day 1.


it was never an issue for her

Ok, so again... she's known since day 1 that you were a smoker ... a character trait that makes someone not be a "better person".

I think you're missing the big picture here... sadly.

[SLAG]

[old data ignore]

[Mile High Mania]

Best of luck ...

[Iowanian]

Slag...I think you missed the point...that some are suggesting, and you're confused by what they mean.

let me clarify. The problem, doesn't appear to be the smoking, the friend, or the situation with the two....The problem is deeper than that, and these are symptoms.

You need to find out what the problem really is.....is it a phase? Is something wrong? The lieing wouldn't be an issue here, if something else weren't an issue.

[SLAG]

[old data ignore]

[milkman]

You're too immature to be married.

This is the crux of the problem.

Two kids, essentially, still learning who they are.

[Mr. Kotter]

... Learn how to give a massage and give her a DIY spa treatment at home without expecting sex ...

WTF? :spock:

Are you gay, or a priest? :shake:






:p

[Mr. Kotter]

Your plan sounds like a start, Slag....but you guys need to communicate better; and that might require some outside counseling of some sort....

Best wishes, man. All of us who've been married any length of time have had to deal with difficult issues of one sort or another. You gotta be committed to working through it....and so does she.

[sedated]

This is the crux of the problem.

Two kids, essentially, still learning who they are.


It's not looking good.

You two may have married too young and for the wrong reasons (well, reason - child).

Now you are growing up and growing apart.

[SLAG]

[old data ignore]

[SLAG]

[old data ignore]

[Chief Chief]

Dude...you've really got to fully realize what the psycho-physiological connection is between her heavy relationship with her gal pal and her sudden craving to smoke...

Y'see, it's all about what her BLT (blatantly lesbian-type) partner offers in the way of sexuality and what's definitely lacking; i.e., a penis to suck on...which explains her sudden need to smoke cigs. Further, your spouse is psycho-sexually confused because she now equates a fag to a cock and, seeing you smoking, semi-consciously believes you're crazed to 'go below' on other guys.

Now...what's the solution? Well, you stated that her friend smokes as well...so you need to show this friend that your packin' a never-ending 'Winston 100' to satisfy her craving to inhale on something. Allow your spouse to discover you and her friend just as you're explodin' all over her face as that will clearly show her that "you've come a long way, baby"...

Before ya know it, Marlboro Man, she'll definitely be Kool about walking a mile for that Camel between your legs.

As for the lesbo..? Hey, just show how her how you can also 'dispose' of your cigarette in her 'butt can' and you'll have won a new friend for life!

[58-4ever]

I recently had the same issue with my g/f trying to get me to stop smoking pot. It comes down to one basic issue: control. If there is one thing she feels like she should have complete sovereignty over it is her own body and what she does with it. All you can really do is express your concern, QUIT SMOKING yourself so you are not a hypocrite, and hope she heeds your advice. But, it seems as if this female "friend" of hers has much more influence than you at this point. you need to find out what her friend is providing her that you are not and pick up the slack buddy. I hope this helps and good luck to you.

[Mr. Kotter]

Dude...you've really got to fully realize what the psycho-physiological connection is between her heavy relationship with her gal pal and her sudden craving to smoke...

Y'see, it's all about what her BLT (blatantly lesbian-type) partner offers in the way of sexuality and what's definitely lacking; i.e., a penis to suck on...which explains her sudden need to smoke cigs. Further, your spouse is psycho-sexually confused because she now equates a Rump Ranger to a cock and, seeing you smoking, semi-consciously believes you're crazed to 'go below' on other guys.

Now...what's the solution? Well, you stated that her friend smokes as well...so you need to show this friend that your packin' a never-ending 'Winston 100' to satisfy her craving to inhale on something. Allow your spouse to discover you and her friend just as you're explodin' all over her face as that will clearly show her that "you've come a long way, baby"...

Before ya know it, Marlboro Man, she'll definitely be Kool about walking a mile for that Camel between your legs.

As for the lesbo..? Hey, just show how her how you can also 'dispose' of your cigarette in her 'butt can' and you'll have won a new friend for life!

:spock:



:shake:

[Ebolapox]

dude--you're complaining about this situation?? you GOTTZ to hit her up for a threesome

-EB-

[mike_b_284]

You and I both know that you and you alone have created this problem. She didn't do any of this crap until you started pressuring her into doing things (you know what I mean) you wanted someone to get high and drunk with. Now you have it and you don't like it. Dude come on. You know what is going on, you watched it happen and encouraged it. BTW you better hope she doesn't read this thread.

I know you mean well with the smoking issue and I have your back on that, but the people who said there is more to it than that are right. She isn't ****ing the Oompa Loompa, but that is her only friend. Jenny may still be considered a friend, but how good of friends can they be with nothing in common.

What about that carli chick, she should come around more often. Hey, maybe she can service me when I am over there. Not to shabby for a skinny bitch.

[mike_b_284]

Now...what's the solution? Well, you stated that her friend smokes as well...so you need to show this friend that your packin' a never-ending 'Winston 100' to satisfy her craving to inhale on something. Allow your spouse to discover you and her friend just as you're explodin' all over her face as that will clearly show her that "you've come a long way, baby"...

Before ya know it, Marlboro Man, she'll definitely be Kool about walking a mile for that Camel between your legs.

As for the lesbo..? Hey, just show how her how you can also 'dispose' of your cigarette in her 'butt can' and you'll have won a new friend for life!



ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL

[nychief]

Divorce her.

[mike_b_284]

Divorce her.

Or stone her, or put on a beater and do what y'all do best. Which ever culture you prefer to go with.

[Skip Towne]

I'm just waiting for Brideowanian to squeeze out a couple of little rugratowanians. Then her and her lawyerowanian will show Iowanian how the cow ate the cabbage. Then Iowanian will cry when he sees he is not really as in charge as he fantasizes.

[Katipan]

I don't think he used it right tho.

Maybe if he said that instead of how.

[Iowanian]

Good ole Skip....

All Astrovan...no shag carpet or 8 track.

[Rausch]

Sounds like 5 year boredom.

Got married young, had responsibilities, and at the time didn't mind. Enjoyed it.

Years later she sees people doing the things she either missed or couldn't do earlier and is "letting her hair down."

She already knows you don't approve of her recent smoking, to push the subject even more only comes across as nagging.

I'd recomend an honest sit down where you listen and don't judge. Ask her what's going on and how she feels about it.

[SLAG]

[old data ignore]

[Skip Towne]

I don't think he used it right tho.

Maybe if he said that instead of how.
Nope, it's "how the cow ate the cabbage". What do Valley girls know about farm expressions? I'll bet Iowanian has heard it before.

[Katipan]

Nope, it's "how the cow ate the cabbage". What do Valley girls know about farm expressions? I'll bet Iowanian has heard it before.

I have seen a real live cow once.

Anyways. We did indepth research on the subject.

Once upon a time, a circus came to a small rural town. While they were putting up the big top, a baby elephant escaped and found his way to a little old lady’s garden up the road. The lady in our story couldn’t see very well, but she was alarmed enough to call the police and report a cow in her cabbage patch pulling up her cabbages with his tail. The policeman on the other end of the line listened patiently, “A cow is eating your cabbage, ma’am? We’ll send someone right out."

“I never said he was eating ‘em,” the lady said.

“No?” The policeman replied. “Then what is he doing?”

The woman hesitated and then exclaimed. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you!”

So, there you have it porchers, now you know why telling someone how the cow eats the cabbage can precede a very serious discussion.

But you hicks make it sound like the lawyer is going to go grazing. Is that the intention?

OOOooh.

Are you the porcher in the story?

[Mr. Kotter]

I learned something new today.

Me too....

THAT'S HOW THE COW ATE THE CABBAGE - "An expression to indicate the speaker is laying it on the line, telling it like it is, getting down to brass tacks - with the connotation of telling someone what he or she needs to know but probably doesn't want to hear. According to Little Rock attorney Alston Jennings, who submitted this southernism to Richard Allen's February 2, 1991, 'Our Town' column in the Arkansas Gazette, the expression has its roots in a story about an elephant that escaped from the zoo and wandered into a woman's cabbage patch. The woman observed the elephant pulling up her cabbages with its trunk and eating them. She called the police to report that there was a cow in her cabbage patch pulling up cabbages with its tail. When the surprised police officer inquired as to what the cow was doing with the cabbages, the woman replied, 'You wouldn't believe me if I told you!'" From "Encyclopedia of Word and Phrase Origins" by Robert Hendrickson (Fact on File, New York, 1997)

[Katipan]

Like. Oh my god. I like totally knew there like had to be a like that in there.

[Saulbadguy]

wow

[Saulbadguy]

No matter how much you want me to be Zach, I just can't do it.

[Donger]

Damnit, Saul. It's "Oh wow."

What's all that about, anyway?

[Donger]

Shut the f*ck up, Donny. You're out of your element.

Apparently.

[SLAG]

Shut the f*ck up, Donny. You're out of your element.

ROFL Rep

[The Bad Guy]

See on the surface it looks as if we only got married because of an child...


But I would have not said I DO if I really didnt want to spend the rest of my life with her..


I dont believe in divorce

I can believe you do love her.

I can't believe at 17, or how young you were, that you knew she was the one to spend forever with.

[mike_b_284]

I can believe you do love her.

I can't believe at 17, or how young you were, that you knew she was the one to spend forever with.

Catholic+children out of wedlock=marriage

[SLAG]

[old data ignore]

[mike_b_284]

That is only a 1/2 Truth.

the decision was still ours... we wernt forced into anything... this is something we both wanted

Fool I know what happend. Stop blowing smoke.

[SLAG]

[old data ignore]

[mike_b_284]

You should know then that I still had the final Say on what I wanted to do in the end It was still my Decision and Still stand by that

That is funny, because I remember your initial decision. The one you made right before you found out about blaize. The bad guy's point still stands and I don't want to argue.

[mike_b_284]

I think she is just acting out and/or rebelling against you because in her eyes your non rubber wearing ass has robbed her of her youth. If you want we can continue this debate over a beer during the Jayhawks game tonight

[Rausch]

Catholic+children out of wedlock=marriage


Nein...

[Rausch]

I think she is just acting out and/or rebelling against you because in her eyes your non rubber wearing ass has robbed her of her youth. If you want we can continue this debate over a beer during the Jayhawks game tonight

No, I think that just about covers it...

[SLAG]

[old data ignore]

[mike_b_284]

dont think that would go over so well with her tonight

see post 157

[Skip Towne]

I have seen a real live cow once.

Anyways. We did indepth research on the subject.



But you hicks make it sound like the lawyer is going to go grazing. Is that the intention?

OOOooh.

Are you the porcher in the story?
Yes, the lawyer is going to go grazing. He is going to get all of Iowanian's lettuce as well. So you saw a live cow once. Are you sure it was a cow? It may have been a bull or a steer. Or maybe even a heifer. City girls don' know shit about farm doin's so just give it up.

[Katipan]

It didn't have horns.

Does that help?

[Skip Towne]

It didn't have horns.

Does that help?
That narrows it down some. What color was it?

[bogie]

I think she is just acting out and/or rebelling against you because in her eyes your non rubber wearing ass has robbed her of her youth. If you want we can continue this debate over a beer during the Jayhawks game tonight

Wellp... there ya go.

[Katipan]

The color dirty.

Maybe it was a giant pig.

[Skip Towne]

The color dirty.

Maybe it was a giant pig.
Yeah, maybe. I don't think you saw a cow at all. You wannabe.

[chiefs4me]

I'm just waiting for Brideowanian to squeeze out a couple of little rugratowanians. Then her and her lawyerowanian will show Iowanian how the cow ate the cabbage. Then Iowanian will cry when he sees he is not really as in charge as he fantasizes.






they already have a baby simba....

[Skip Towne]

they already have a baby simba....
Yep, but one more will really tie his nuts in a knot.

[chiefs4me]

Yep, but one more will really tie his nuts in a knot.





:D

[Extra Point]

As usual, this thread would be worthless without pics...... I bothered not to include the gun-pointing pic. Slag has had enough to worry about for one day.....

[Mr. Kotter]

I think you look more like a miniature version of Rob than Zach, personally.

Miniature? :spock:


Well, you remind me of gochiefs, except you like girls. :harumph:


:cuss: :cuss: :cuss:

[|Zach|]

Hahaha

[Mr. Kotter]

You should know then that I still had the final Say on what I wanted to do in the end It was still my Decision and Still stand by that


You need to give your friend "mike" a swift kick to the nads..... :hmmm:

[SLAG]

[old data ignore]

[nychief]

did I mention divorce already? Otherwise....

[Mr. Kotter]

No need for Quotes.. his name is Mike.. Known him since 8th grade...

We can just pull up his Crazy Girlfriend thread and that should Moot his point

Did I miss that one..... :hmmm:

Link please....

[SLAG]

Did I miss that one..... :hmmm:

Link please....

http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=133996

[SLAG]

[old data ignore]

[4th and Long]

I dont Believe in divorce...

My parents were seperated for 13 years but finally got back together and I now have a 6yo little sister to show for it
I'd still be prepared to put a lawyer on retainer. If she lies to you, spends no time with you, has little remorse for it it, etc., well ... you get the picture.

rubens case rubens cambiano and bryant anyone?

[SLAG]

[old data ignore]

[BIG_DADDY]

1. You don't even have the right to ask her to stop smoking while you still are.
2. Snitching on her to her grandmother was a terrible idea it makes you look like a wussyman.
3. Your problem doesn't appear to be her smoking it seems to be her friend to me.

I know this probably won't make sense to you but the more you appear to be needy the less likely she is to listen to you. Even though she is your wife your whole life can't revolve around her, you must have your own. If she spends 70% of her time with this friend it seems to me like she needs to get a job.

[4th and Long]

"Because there is Strength in our Numbers"
Good. You've heard of them.

[SLAG]

[old data ignore]

[BIG_DADDY]

Everyone is Right when it comes to Point 1

Im quitting today...


In hindsight it looks like it was snitching but I was hoping for more of an intervention Result.


I do have a problem with her friend and my wife knows it....

She cannot get a Job because she is a Stay at home mom, if she had a job that would add the cost of daycare to our expenses her Paycheck would just offset those costs

You gotta ask yourself a question before you do anything in a relationship. Put yourself in her role and ask yourself how something your thinking of doing would make you feel if you were her. Secondly you also have to ask yourself if what your doing is going to make her more attracted to you or less attracted to you as that is where your true power lies in the relationship. That is the precise reason why the grandmother idea was a really bad one.

[SLAG]

[old data ignore]

[BIG_DADDY]

I can admit I Made a very "Carl Peterson" like move


I was wrong and I admit it... I have admitted that to her... we are past the grandmother issue...

and honsetlly..

Im going to quit smoking and hope she notices I will continue to let her know How displeased i am with her smoking but otherwise im going to drop it.. its not worth fighting over anymore i just want her to be happy

Good call. If you want to be effective just drop it for awhile and if she is still smoking just start making fun of how women look when they smoke. How you are judging her rather than caring for her can be much more powerful. Talk about how unattractive it is when women smoke pointing out it is much worse than when men do. Corrilate it to other things women do that smoke and how they are judged. Social status is supremely important to women, never underestimate it. Find ways of ataching a lower social status to women smoking and I'll bet you anything she stops. I gotta take off for now. Hope this helps.

[Extra Point]

I'd still be prepared to put a lawyer on retainer. If she lies to you, spends no time with you, has little remorse for it it, etc., well ... you get the picture.

rubens case rubens cambiano and bryant anyone?

I would prefer Fluffy, Fluffy, Scruffy and Duffy

Sick 'em, boys!

[damaticous]

Here's the deal. I've seen it and been there. Unfortunatly, you've got to find yourself, and let her find herself. If you end up in the middle and still together...GREAT!!!! Otherwise, well, you can imagine.

Let her go. By that I mean let her go out, have fun. She will realize, with time, that life isn't as fun or happy by going out, smoking, drinking, being with other people. Life is happiest when you are able to love, respect, and be with the one that makes you happy.

Ok. Yeah. I'm drunk. But I've seen it and delt with it myself.

You can't make someone do something they don't want to do.

That is the one and most important advice I could give you...or anyone.

someone, weather it be male or femail, will do what they want to do. If that's party hardy till the bars close, or sit at home and be a mother to their childre, or be a wife, girlfriend...or whatever.....

You can't make someone do something they don't want to do.

Sometimes people have to hit rock bottom before they realize what hit them.

If it comes to the point of you guys splitting up...well, live your life. If your life revolves around your children....Keep it that way, if your life revolves around work...keep it that way.

Just remember that there are people that are worse off than you no matter how bad it gets, and that "you can't make people, no matter how hard you try, do things they don't, or can't want to do.

The decision is up to her weather she wants to continue making her life heaven....or hell.

Live your life and let her go for the time being.

All you can do is.....

Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.

I wish you all the luck in the world cause I've been there. But you've got to let her be the person she wants to be or is.

[mike_b_284]

Here's the deal. I've seen it and been there. Unfortunatly, you've got to find yourself, and let her find herself. If you end up in the middle and still together...GREAT!!!! Otherwise, well, you can imagine.

Let her go. By that I mean let her go out, have fun. She will realize, with time, that life isn't as fun or happy by going out, smoking, drinking, being with other people. Life is happiest when you are able to love, respect, and be with the one that makes you happy.

Ok. Yeah. I'm drunk. But I've seen it and delt with it myself.

You can't make someone do something they don't want to do.

That is the one and most important advice I could give you...or anyone.

someone, weather it be male or femail, will do what they want to do. If that's party hardy till the bars close, or sit at home and be a mother to their childre, or be a wife, girlfriend...or whatever.....

You can't make someone do something they don't want to do.

Sometimes people have to hit rock bottom before they realize what hit them.

If it comes to the point of you guys splitting up...well, live your life. If your life revolves around your children....Keep it that way, if your life revolves around work...keep it that way.

Just remember that there are people that are worse off than you no matter how bad it gets, and that "you can't make people, no matter how hard you try, do things they don't, or can't want to do.

The decision is up to her weather she wants to continue making her life heaven....or hell.

Live your life and let her go for the time being.

All you can do is.....

Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.

I wish you all the luck in the world cause I've been there. But you've got to let her be the person she wants to be or is.

Profound statement.

[skye22f]

This is so hot, if you could pls PM me pics of them dyking out, I'll paypal you 10 bucks, 15 if they are good.

Thanks.

[KChiefsQT]

**** the time she spends with you... what about her children. 60-70% of time is spent with this friend... another 10-20% working... so that leaves 10% of her time with her children. hmmmm. If my "husband" smoked and told me not to smoke... I'd tell him to shove (blah blah blah). Quit acting like a father to her and do some stuff as a family. Does this friend of hers not have a life or what's going on here??

[Extra Point]

Quit acting like a father to her and do some stuff as a family. Does this friend of hers not have a life or what's going on here??

Yeah, no shit. Was this thread started as a hoax?

[John_Locke]

grow up

involving mom and g=ma was a stupid thing to do
and if you want her to stop smoking, you need to

[The Bad Guy]

I dont Believe in divorce...

My parents were seperated for 13 years but finally got back together and I now have a 6yo little sister to show for it

You really need to re-evaluate your thinking on some things.

If something isn't working (not saying that's your situation right now), but staying in it and wasting your life and your spouses is the wrong move.

Plus, I know people say "I'm staying for the children," but staying in an unhealthy relationship is far worse than divorce for the kids.

[SLAG]

[old data ignore]

[SLAG]

**** the time she spends with you... what about her children. 60-70% of time is spent with this friend... another 10-20% working... so that leaves 10% of her time with her children. hmmmm. If my "husband" smoked and told me not to smoke... I'd tell him to shove (blah blah blah). Quit acting like a father to her and do some stuff as a family. Does this friend of hers not have a life or what's going on here??

I would say 85% of the time she spend with her friend she is spending with the children at the same time.

Like i stated earlier in the thread Im done with this issue and moving on.

[Halfcan]

Wow deja vu-similar thing happened to me. Her friend Nicole even moved in for awhile. It all worked out though-I divorced her.

[SLAG]

[old data ignore]

[stevieray]

is she still with nicole?

"still with"

That's an interesting phrase.

I'd concentrate on being a good dad. Work with what you have.

[Halfcan]

is she still with nicole?

No it was not like that, but Nicole was the "gateway" drug to the fountain of youth-or so she thought. "Hey, lets just drink every night and go party-let the whole world go to shit." It started a very bad cycle that took my ex a long time to get out of, and straighten her life back out.

Things are very cool between us now, but I had several years of being both parents, raising my kids alone. Hard times-but awesome times with my kids.


Sounds like your wife wants some excitment-she is bored with herself, life, marriage? All of a sudden this whirlwind of "happy" times, comes into her life. Let her smoke her lungs out-hard for you to tell her not to-when you smoke. :hmmm:

The bigger issue, is what path your wife is going down. The girls night out-usually entails a slew of pathetic losers hitting on them and buying drinks. Possible problems: DWI-girls can't cute their way out anymore. An affair with some new guy, that is the change all/be all-the answer to all her problems.

And #1 is divorce. If you don't put the hammer down and set some boundaries with her holding her share in the marriage-you are doomed. This must have become a pretty serious problem by now, and it is not going to get easier. Tough Love time-tell her friend to **** off and go wreck another marriage.

Oh and I would NEVER bring in family-they give bad advice and remember Blood is thicking than Water-they will always end up on her side.

[unlurking]

Wow you did not read this thread at all did ya n00b?
He may have said things that have already been said before, but hey, you obviously need to hear them.

Just consider this YOUR intervention.

[greg63]

WTF? :spock:

Are you gay, or a priest? :shake:






:p


I'd say something here, but I feel that I would get busted by the PC Police.



Your plan sounds like a start, Slag....but you guys need to communicate better; and that might require some outside counseling of some sort....

Best wishes, man. All of us who've been married any length of time have had to deal with difficult issues of one sort or another. You gotta be committed to working through it....and so does she.


Yep! Good post. :thumb:

[Bwana]

She married young...missed out on the party girl time, every 21 year old hoochie gets in college, and now she's running with party girl. Something isn't right at home. Smoking isn't the problem...its a symptom.

Get control of your shit or you'll be making a different kind of advice thread before long.

A lie is a lie is a lie. There would be none of that in my house without some serious consquences. I made that clear very, very early on.

Exactly, good post.

Sack up and ditch the cigs, set an example. As Iowanian stated, now is the time to get a grasp on the C.F. or you will be starting another kind of thread that goes something like, " Help! My wife just hit the road with some chick and all my stuff!"

Good Luck

[RedNFeisty]

Here's the deal. I've seen it and been there. Unfortunatly, you've got to find yourself, and let her find herself. If you end up in the middle and still together...GREAT!!!! Otherwise, well, you can imagine.

Let her go. By that I mean let her go out, have fun. She will realize, with time, that life isn't as fun or happy by going out, smoking, drinking, being with other people. Life is happiest when you are able to love, respect, and be with the one that makes you happy.

Ok. Yeah. I'm drunk. But I've seen it and delt with it myself.

You can't make someone do something they don't want to do.

That is the one and most important advice I could give you...or anyone.

someone, weather it be male or femail, will do what they want to do. If that's party hardy till the bars close, or sit at home and be a mother to their childre, or be a wife, girlfriend...or whatever.....

You can't make someone do something they don't want to do.

Sometimes people have to hit rock bottom before they realize what hit them.

If it comes to the point of you guys splitting up...well, live your life. If your life revolves around your children....Keep it that way, if your life revolves around work...keep it that way.

Just remember that there are people that are worse off than you no matter how bad it gets, and that "you can't make people, no matter how hard you try, do things they don't, or can't want to do.

The decision is up to her weather she wants to continue making her life heaven....or hell.

Live your life and let her go for the time being.

All you can do is.....

Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.

I wish you all the luck in the world cause I've been there. But you've got to let her be the person she wants to be or is.


Ding, Ding, Ding!!! We have a winner!

SlagO, I hope all works out well for you. Growing together in a marriage is the most difficult thing, best of luck man!

Just to let you know that if Clint and I can do it, anyone can pull it off. I got married when I was 19, we have our tough spots, but I wouldn't have changed it. This year will be number eleven and I must credit him for my award winning personlity!!

[Skip Towne]

Ding, Ding, Ding!!! We have a winner!

SlagO, I hope all works out well for you. Growing together in a marriage is the most difficult thing, best of luck man!

Just to let you know that if Clint and I can do it, anyone can pull it off. I got married when I was 19, we have our tough spots, but I wouldn't have changed it. This year will be number eleven and I must credit him for my award winning personlity!!
Clint? You still got that bum around?

[SLAG]

[old data ignore]

[greg63]

Im really not too worried... It was just very frustraing for me but Like i said Earlier...

Im going to quit smoking, and Drop this issue.

We have been through alot in our short marriage and we are coming up on our 3 Year aniversery this month. Im pretty sure we can work through anything. Thanks everyone for the advice and suggestions.

Chris


:clap::clap::clap:

Good for you, bud!

[RedNFeisty]

Clint? You still got that bum around?

Sort of like a stray dog, once you start feeding it, they never go away.
ROFL

[Clint in Wichita]

Sort of like a stray dog, once you start feeding it, they never go away.
ROFL

I can't help the fact that I love peanut butter. ROFL

[Hammock Parties]

Kill yourself.

[SLAG]

[old data ignore]

[Hammock Parties]

Wow that is Excellent advice....

My Children would love to grow up without a father

Don't worry yourself, your wife can probably find an upgrade pretty easily.

[SLAG]

[old data ignore]

[Hammock Parties]

let me see you even smell some Pooner before you start talking shit douche

Are you sure your wife isn't smelling pooner these days?

Remember, it's OK for a kid to have two mommies.

[SLAG]

[old data ignore]

[Bwana]

Kill yourself.

WTF? :spock:

[Hammock Parties]

WTF? :spock:

Also known as "suicide."

[stevieray]

WTF? :spock:


remember, it's gochiefs. Getting advice about women from him is like getting an abstinence lecture from Madonna.

[RedNFeisty]

I can't help the fact that I love peanut butter. ROFL

You're so twisted... ROFL

[dr00d]

I'd say your marriage is already over...no matter what you do, she is going to do the opposite of what you say.

Good luck

[Inspector]

Have you considered moving to Utah and just keeping the other girl around as a second wife?

I could see a few advantages with that.

They could share household duties leaving them more time for smoking.

[Gonzo]

You need to visit this intersection:

[Yellowbutter72]

I hope you work everything out with your wife. Do you have any children? Family is the most important thing in life. You need to try everything to work things out with your wife. It is soooo important!

[kregger]

Slag,
Good luck with quit smokin' campaign. You have to really want to, not just use it as leverage. Besides, smoking sets a bad example for your kids.
Hope you and the wife work this out. You need to let her have her friends. She should have the smarts to know if it's a good relationship or not. Telling her what to do won't solve any problems.
Take Iowanian's advice and go camping, even if her idea of camping is room service.

[Yellowbutter72]

Yes, I speak from personal experience. Divorce is the worst thing I think I have ever experienced! And then 5 years after the divorce he died while mountain climbing! It was sad for the children. That is why I say, do everything you can to make your marriage work! Divorce affects too many lives. Not just yours, but children, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins! So work on it!

[Katipan]

Just think. If you didn't divorce him he wouldn't have died.

[Yellowbutter72]

I did not divorce him. He left me for another woman! That hurt like hell!

[Katipan]

Oh then **** that guy. Karma broke him.

[SLAG]

[old data ignore]