The Stella Awards

[4th and Long]

It's time again for the annual "Stella Awards"! For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's in New Mexico where she purchased the coffee.

That's right, these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts that happened in the U.Sduring 2005. You know, the kinds of cases that make you scratch your head. So keep your head scratchers handy. Here are the Stellas for the past year:

To kick things off the right way, there was a three-way tie for 5th place. Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was Ms. Robertson's son.

Also in 5th place is Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles, California -- you knew California had to be in the list somewhere, right? -- who won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps. Go ahead, grab your head scratchers.

The last of the 5th Place winners went to Terrence Dickson, of Bristol, Pennsylvania, who was leaving a house he had just robbed by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson , the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to subsist for eight -- count 'em, 8 -- days on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the home-owner's insurance company claiming undue mental anguish. Amazingly , the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish. We should all have this kind of anguish. Keep scratching, there are more.

Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th Place in the Stellas when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though the beagle was on a chain in it's owner's fenced yard. Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun. Grrrrr ... scratch, scratch.

Third Place went to Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, because a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her tail bone (coccyx). The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument. What ever happened to people being responsible for their own actions? Scratch, scratch, scratch.

Hang in there, there are only two more Stellas to go.

Second Place: Kara Walton, of Claymont, Delaware, sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000 ... oh, yeah, plus dental expenses.

Finally, this year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, who purchased a new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home -- from an OU football game, no less -- having driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich.

Don't look so incredulous. Remember, we're talking about Oklahoma here.

Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her -- you are sitting down, right? -- $1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might buy a motor home.

Found on another board so don't EVEN ask for a link!

[Rain Man]

This information is not true, and it has caused me great mental anguish to read it. You'll be hearing from my lawyer.

[OnTheWarpath15]

I'm no legal expert, but couldn't the judge overturn those judgements?

Oh, and by the way:

F*ck lawyers.

[Mile High Mania]

Hmmm... me thinks this has been posted a number of times over the last few years. I've read the Winnebago thing before...

[4th and Long]

This information is not true, and it has caused me great mental anguish to read it. You'll be hearing from my lawyer.
Disclaimer! Damn! I knew I forgot something! Hang on just a second.

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[SLAG]

Amnorix... in... 4....3...2...1

[Rain Man]

That disclaimer really made me strain my eyes. You'll be hearing from my lawyer.

[4th and Long]

That disclaimer really made me strain my eyes. You'll be hearing from my lawyer.
I'M
REALLY
SORRY!

[SLAG]

I'M
REALLY
SORRY!


you should redo the whole disclaimer that size

[Rain Man]

I'M
REALLY
SORRY!

This large font was obviously meant to be sarcastic, and it caused me great embarrassment and humiliation. You'll be ... you know the drill.

[Skip Towne]

I don't have a reason but I'm going to sue you anyhow.

[4th and Long]

you should redo the whole disclaimer that size
I had the same thought until I realized that I've been choking to death on a piece of candy for several hours now over on Rain Man's M&M thread. In all reality, I'm making this post from Heaven. Litigation against me is a huge waste of time. I had nothing in life. No house. No money. Nothing cool anyone would want. On the plus side, Heaven has a really fast connection to the web.

[4th and Long]

This large font was obviously meant to be sarcastic, and it caused me great embarrassment and humiliation. You'll be ... you know the drill.
You (and Skip) need to read post #12.
http://www.geishagraphics.net/hot_link/Male%20Angels/male_angel004.gif

[Stinger]

I had the same thought until I realized that I've been choking to death on a piece of candy for several hours now over on Rain Man's M&M thread.

Counter suit??

[4th and Long]

Counter suit??
It crossed my mind, until I realized I died from choking on an M&M. I would have split it with you too except you had the opportunity to save my life and instead, brought up the notion, incorrect as it may be, that Planet Man retired. Too bad. You could have been rich.