Don't you hate taking a sh*t at work?

[hypersensitiveZO6]

A POOP THREAD



You know you've experience some (if not most) of these moments at work.

There's a Uncle Ted at my job.


HOW TO POOP AT WORK


We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back
in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much
as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable.
For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for
taking a dump at work.

CROP DUSTING
When farting, you walk really fast around the office so the smell is
not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it
came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart
has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has
left your pants.

FLY BY
The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check
for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come
back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become
suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

ESCAPEE
A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a
poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of
embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did
not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal,
pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable
for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel
uneasy.

JAILBREAK
When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This
is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should
happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the
bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH
The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water.
This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom.
This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME
Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just
stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone
walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the
smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often
see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or
magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of
The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)
A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping
goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the
whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS
A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least
expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex.
This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR
Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to
force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable
moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in
the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all
uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH
A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you
are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert
potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an
ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE
A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you
are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is
occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the
pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON
A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This
is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on,
create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANAOMELET
A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet
water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an
Astaire.

UNCLE TED
A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend
extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An
Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should
always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as
well as the other bathroom attendees.

[ChiefsFire]

thats where i do my best work....

[cdcox]

I poop at work on average twice a day. Much more frequently than I do at home. Work poops rule. My wife refuses to poop in a public restroom. I don't understand this.

[hypersensitiveZO6]

....and you get paid.

:thumb:

[ChiefsFire]

....and you get paid.

:thumb:
hell yea

and ya dont haveta pay for the toilet paper

[hypersensitiveZO6]

hell yea

and ya dont haveta pay for the toilet paper

hell yeah

:toast:

[Halfcan]

Sorry but I do my business at home.

[ferrarispider95]

halfcan = shitbreak

[ChiefFan31]

I recently moved from second to first shift at my work. I only pewp If I gotta.

Second shift was great, I could pinch a loaf in peace.

Even better after the cleaning crew went through. Nice clean crapper and fresh roll of TP

[milkman]

I dorp a load when and where I feel the need.

[Halfcan]

Dorp a load??? LOL!

[Halfcan]

Is that like a Dorpedo?

[greg63]

Most of my poops are industrial sized so it is advantageous for me to leave my poops at an industrial type toilet. I usually have to flush two or three times in order to get rid of the streaks left over from the initial flush.


That is all.

[Hammock Parties]

Gas station shits suck.

[cdcox]

Gas station shits suck.

I've crapped in worse.

[kregger]

The worst is having to ask your friend for the plunger.

[Halfcan]

I've crapped in worse.

Like crapping while crouching next to a tree during deer season. Or out of a tree stand.

[Halfcan]

The worst is having to ask your friend for the plunger.

Worst than that is over flowing the john on their new bathroom carpet during their housewarming party.

[RealSNR]

I've crapped in worse.Polish restaurants :Lin:

[kregger]

Worst than that is over flowing the john on their new bathroom carpet during their housewarming party.
Who the **** carpets a bathroom?

[greg63]

Who the **** carpets a bathroom?


They do obviously.

[007]

Who the **** carpets a bathroom?


The people we bought our house from. Tore it all out too. I would rather have crappy looking tile then a smelly damn carpet.

[Halfcan]

Who the **** carpets a bathroom?

Actually it was tile, but I just threw the rug over it to cover it up and then snuck out.




















Everyone realizes this was a joke. My shit don't stink-lol,

[Bob Dole]

ESCAPEE
A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall.

People are honestly bothered by a pissing fart?

You're a bunch of insecure dipshits.

[KcMizzou]

People are honestly bothered by a pissing fart?

You're a bunch of insecure dipshits.Damned emo chicks.

We have a guy at work who takes a 30 minute dump at 5pm every day. He leaves work at 5:30. That bastard annoys me.

[Nzoner]

The worst is having to ask your friend for the plunger.

No,the worst is being on a sales call at what will hopefully become a new client and having to ask for a plunger only to find out it's across the street and you have to walk across to another business ask for the plunger,and then walk back across a busy intersection plunger in hand.

Looking back now it's funny as hell but oh that day...

[StcChief]

No,the worst is being on a sales call at what will hopefully become a new client and having to ask for a plunger only to find out it's across the street and you have to walk across to another business ask for the plunger,and then walk back across a busy intersection plunger in hand.

Looking back now it's funny as hell but oh that day...
Funny now...

I'd wonder about a client that can't afford their own plunger or loan's their Plunger out.

[Baby Lee]

People are honestly bothered by a pissing fart?

You're a bunch of insecure dipshits.
If I recall correctly, you've been barked at by the best.

[greg63]

People are honestly bothered by a pissing fart?

You're a bunch of insecure dipshits.


ROFLROFLROFL

[JBucc]

I remember once I went into a rest stop to take a piss and there was a big turd in the piss trough so I decided the best course of action was to try and dissolve it with my pee. I got a good quarter of it dissolved away before I ran out of ammo. If I had been with someone I could have called for backup but I was alone sadly.

[hypersensitiveZO6]

I remember once I went into a rest stop to take a piss and there was a big turd in the piss trough so I decided the best course of action was to try and dissolve it with my pee. I got a good quarter of it dissolved away before I ran out of ammo. If I had been with someone I could have called for backup but I was alone sadly.

absolutely horrible.:shake:

[penguinz]

Nothing better that taking a shit in a outhouse when it is 5 below zero and the seat has splinters.

[hypersensitiveZO6]

Nothing better that taking a shit in a outhouse when it is 5 below zero and the seat has splinters.


Ouch!

[gblowfish]

People who leave a floater piss me off. I only go at work if absolutely necessary.

[Gonzo]

Don't you hate it when you have to crap and the turd is so big that you can actually feel it tearing you a new one? Then it hits the water and you feel it splash up and drench your brown-eye. Man that sucks.

[Garcia Bronco]

I shit exclusinvly at work...hey...might as well get paid for it

[hypersensitiveZO6]

People who leave a floater piss me off. I only go at work if absolutely necessary.

This is my strategy also.

[hypersensitiveZO6]

Don't you hate it when you have to crap and the turd is so big that you can actually feel it tearing you a new one? Then it hits the water and you feel it splash up and drench your brown-eye. Man that sucks.

Nice new Avatar.

[Gonzo]

Nice new Avatar.

Thanks, I have the animated gif version but it's too big. I need to find out how to shrink it down a bit.

[KChiefs1]

I plan my eating patterns to guarantee that I take a dump at work.

[KChiefs1]

Damned emo chicks.

We have a guy at work who takes a 30 minute dump at 5pm every day. He leaves work at 5:30. That bastard annoys me.

His name isn't Dwayne by chance is it?:hmmm:

[hypersensitiveZO6]

I plan my eating patterns to guarantee that I take a dump at work.


lol

[Adept Havelock]

Don't you hate taking a sh*t at work?
Only when I can't do it on the CFO's desk.....

[hypersensitiveZO6]

Only when I can't do it on the CFO's desk.....

My brother is a CFO.

ROFL

[Mr. Flopnuts]

Not only do I ONLY poop at work. I will go to great lengths to make sure I do not poop UNTIL I get to work. It is our responsibility as Americans to take claim to what little freedoms we still have. Pooping at work is patriotic. It's our way of sticking it to the man. You don't want to give us a few more days off a year FINE! We'll take them in 15-20 minute increments 1-2 times a day for the entire year.

Another good way I've found to disguise the smell is to light up a smoke while you're in there. Sure the sprinklers might go off, but no one will know you're taking the Cosbys to the pool. You can also keep a little pocket sized spray can with you and spray it every time you fart or drop little Rudy. You'll be just like Ice Cubes dad on Friday.

POOP AT WORK. IT'S AMERICAN!!!!!

[hypersensitiveZO6]

Not only do I ONLY poop at work. I will go to great lengths to make sure I do not poop UNTIL I get to work. It is our responsibility as Americans to take claim to what little freedoms we still have. Pooping at work is patriotic. It's our way of sticking it to the man. You don't want to give us a few more days off a year FINE! We'll take them in 15-20 minute increments 1-2 times a day for the entire year.

Another good way I've found to disguise the smell is to light up a smoke while you're in there. Sure the sprinklers might go off, but no one will know you're taking the Cosbys to the pool. You can also keep a little pocket sized spray can with you and spray it every time you fart or drop little Rudy. You'll be just like Ice Cubes dad on Friday.

POOP AT WORK. IT'S AMERICAN!!!!!
You know your poop.

:thumb:

[Adept Havelock]

My brother is a CFO.

ROFL

I'm so very sorry for you. I hope your family can get past that tragedy. ;)

[hypersensitiveZO6]

I'm so very sorry for you. I hope your family can get past that tragedy. ;)

Thanks.

His son wants to be a CPA.

:banghead: :banghead:

[Adept Havelock]

Thanks.

His son wants to be a CPA.

:banghead: :banghead:


He just want to sit in the canteen at lunch hour with the other CPA's and talk about how much they like the number 6. [/dilbert]

[hypersensitiveZO6]

He just want to sit in the canteen at lunch hour with the other CPA's and talk about how much they like the number 6. [/dilbert]

Good stuff.

ROFL

[opraider]

I don't shit on my time and I don't sweat on theirs!!!!!

[Kerberos]

Well I gotta ask.... Has anyone on here ever heard of or doing the Dr.Natura Colon Cleansing System?

Well let me enlighten those of you that have not heard of this MASSIVE POOP CREATING SYSTEM.

After a few days of prodding from the WU I agreed to try this Metamucil meets Phillips M.O.M. system that will clean your system to a point that nothing dead or alive will be left in your colon.

My wife got me to agree to do this system with her and she decides after the first day she can't take the Fiber powder or the Cleasing Tea so she is just taking the pill part in the morning. WTF?? She talks me into this BS and then backs out. :shake:

Anyway you want to talk about running for the bathroom the first week on this "Colon Blow" free for all. I just about didn't make it more than once. I am of course an "Out of the Closet" pooper as I take joy is others missery from stinking up the bathroom at work and proping open the door so others can enjoy it walking by.

Then there is the reaction to different types of food I have with this system. Friday two weeks ago my dept went to lunch at Famous Daves in Manhattan KS and I had the two meat dinner. Lots of great food and very tastey I might add. But the best part of it didn't come till the next day around 5PM when the WU, our son and I went grocery shopping and when we got home I dropped a bomb in the kitchen that lingered for what seemed like forever and my wife walked in and just about lost her dinner. The stench attacked her nasal passage and had me on the floor laughing so hard I passed even more aromma her way.

Less than a week later I am in bed and I get awaken by the WU wanting to know if I had just farted. First off I don't like being woke up for stupid questions but I gave her a "F*** I don't know" and rolled over and went back to sleep. She tells me the next morning that the stench in the bedroom was soooooo bad she had to get lysol spray and clear the room before she would come to bed. I didn't even get to enjoy watching her suffer but having her tell me how much she suffered did help with forgiving her for waking me up with a stupid question.

Needless to say she has reservations about me finishing with the Dr. Natura Colon cleansing system as there is still two months left of stuff for this and I don't think she or my marriage can last through that much stink.

But if you want to clean your colon of EVERYTHING dead or alive I recommend it highly! :thumb:


.

[boogblaster]

Nothing like a road side park drop you get to relieve your bowels plus beat up a queer you relaxed after that movement.. BOOG OUTT....

[cookster50]

A poop thread and no Iowanian? What the heck? We ought to give him neg rep for this.

[dtebbe]

I worked at a place once where the owner was a little kooky. We decided to play a trick on him, and ducted the fart fan from the bathroom into his office AC vent (with dryer vent hose). Every day in the afternoon about 5 of us would go take a dump one after the other, absolutely fogging his office for about 2 hours. He never batted an eye or said/did anything, despite the fact his office was absolutely reaking. We finally got tired of having to smell his office when we met with him in there, so we removed the duct. The guy must have either had no sense of smell, or liked the smell of poop.

DT

[Halfcan]

Not only do I ONLY poop at work. I will go to great lengths to make sure I do not poop UNTIL I get to work. It is our responsibility as Americans to take claim to what little freedoms we still have. Pooping at work is patriotic. It's our way of sticking it to the man. You don't want to give us a few more days off a year FINE! We'll take them in 15-20 minute increments 1-2 times a day for the entire year.

Another good way I've found to disguise the smell is to light up a smoke while you're in there. Sure the sprinklers might go off, but no one will know you're taking the Cosbys to the pool. You can also keep a little pocket sized spray can with you and spray it every time you fart or drop little Rudy. You'll be just like Ice Cubes dad on Friday.

POOP AT WORK. IT'S AMERICAN!!!!!

Don't forget to bring your Ipod so you can jam on Working Man while you are dumping.

[cdcox]

Well I gotta ask.... Has anyone on here ever heard of or doing the Dr.Natura Colon Cleansing System?

Well let me enlighten those of you that have not heard of this MASSIVE POOP CREATING SYSTEM.



Did you make any poop like they show in their picture gallery?

http://www.drnatura.com/picture_gallery.html

[hypersensitiveZO6]

Well I gotta ask.... Has anyone on here ever heard of or doing the Dr.Natura Colon Cleansing System?

Well let me enlighten those of you that have not heard of this MASSIVE POOP CREATING SYSTEM.

After a few days of prodding from the WU I agreed to try this Metamucil meets Phillips M.O.M. system that will clean your system to a point that nothing dead or alive will be left in your colon.

My wife got me to agree to do this system with her and she decides after the first day she can't take the Fiber powder or the Cleasing Tea so she is just taking the pill part in the morning. WTF?? She talks me into this BS and then backs out. :shake:

Anyway you want to talk about running for the bathroom the first week on this "Colon Blow" free for all. I just about didn't make it more than once. I am of course an "Out of the Closet" pooper as I take joy is others missery from stinking up the bathroom at work and proping open the door so others can enjoy it walking by.

Then there is the reaction to different types of food I have with this system. Friday two weeks ago my dept went to lunch at Famous Daves in Manhattan KS and I had the two meat dinner. Lots of great food and very tastey I might add. But the best part of it didn't come till the next day around 5PM when the WU, our son and I went grocery shopping and when we got home I dropped a bomb in the kitchen that lingered for what seemed like forever and my wife walked in and just about lost her dinner. The stench attacked her nasal passage and had me on the floor laughing so hard I passed even more aromma her way.

Less than a week later I am in bed and I get awaken by the WU wanting to know if I had just farted. First off I don't like being woke up for stupid questions but I gave her a "F*** I don't know" and rolled over and went back to sleep. She tells me the next morning that the stench in the bedroom was soooooo bad she had to get lysol spray and clear the room before she would come to bed. I didn't even get to enjoy watching her suffer but having her tell me how much she suffered did help with forgiving her for waking me up with a stupid question.

Needless to say she has reservations about me finishing with the Dr. Natura Colon cleansing system as there is still two months left of stuff for this and I don't think she or my marriage can last through that much stink.

But if you want to clean your colon of EVERYTHING dead or alive I recommend it highly! :thumb:


.

That is pretty crazy.

I can't believe you're still alive.

[hypersensitiveZO6]

In this conference room at my job, there is a small bathroom inwhich you can hear people taking a piss, or whatever. I wanted to put a gallon of water in that bathroom before the meeting. During the meeting I would go in there and pour that gallon down the toilet so slowly, until it was empty. Then I would come out and see the reaction on my coworkers.

[hypersensitiveZO6]

Don't forget to bring your Ipod so you can jam on Working Man while you are dumping.

But you don't know how loud you're screaming.

Could be a mistake. :hmmm:

[hypersensitiveZO6]

Did you make any poop like they show in their picture gallery?

http://www.drnatura.com/picture_gallery.html

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

:banghead:

[cdcox]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

:banghead:

Now every one is gonna want to peak. :D

[Sure-Oz]

our shitter at work is clean plus there is only like 3 guys that use it since the majority of our downstairs area is women.

[hypersensitiveZO6]

Now every one is gonna want to peak. :D

Sadly, that's how it always works.

:hmmm:

[Rain Man]

I am quite thrilled. I just found out that the company across the hall from us is moving. I may get a clean bathroom again.

Background for those few of you who don't know every detail of my existence by now.

There are two companies on the floor of my office building. My company has 15 people on site, of which 7 are men and 8 are women, and we have 60% of the floor. The company across the hall is some sort of cubicle Calcutta that moved in after we did, and they have somewhere from 60 to 80 people in the other 40% of the floor, of whom 95 percent are men. It has caused horrific situations in the men's bathroom.

[Rain Man]

Did you make any poop like they show in their picture gallery?

http://www.drnatura.com/picture_gallery.html


OH MERCY MOTHER WHY DID YOU HAVE TO LINK THAT?!?! OHGODOHGODOHGODOHGODOHGOD.

[cdcox]

OH MERCY MOTHER WHY DID YOU HAVE TO LINK THAT?!?! OHGODOHGODOHGODOHGODOHGOD.

At least I didn't upload the pictures directly in the thread.

In general most people will be happier by not clicking on that link.

[hypersensitiveZO6]

At least I didn't upload the pictures directly in the thread.

In general most people will be happier by not clicking on that link.

I would have a mod delete this thread.

It's not worth it.

[Kerberos]

Did you make any poop like they show in their picture gallery?

http://www.drnatura.com/picture_gallery.html

Nah.... I think some of that is a put on to get people to use thier Shit. No Pun intended.

I really think my wife thought I would pull something of that nature out of the toilet. But whatever died in my colon is still there. :evil:


.

[greg63]

Nah.... I think some of that is a put on to get people to use thier Shit. No Pun intended.

I really think my wife thought I would pull something of that nature out of the toilet. But whatever died in my colon is still there. :evil:


.

That is just nasty.

[MahiMike]

I've seen this before and even have it saved to my c drive. It's by far the best article I've ever seen on this (t)issue.