Rain Man
09-24-2006, 02:56 PM
I just got back from 8 days in Paris, which is a large city in France. Actually, it was 6 days in Paris and 2 days in airports.
I'll leave the best part for my book and made-for-TV movie, but here are a few observations for those of you who are incarcerated and have nothing better to do than read this.
1. They cook their meat too much in Paris. Or they char it too much or something, because my meat-type foods often tasted more like charcoal than meat. I wasn't into that very much.
2. They have odd televised sports there. The five-girl Russian team gymnastics team (five people on the floor at the same time doing hula hoops or waving flags) was dominant in their contest.
3. Very, very low cut tops are fashionable for women in Paris. Shockingly low cut in some cases, as in you-can-see-the-whole-side-of-the-breast low cut. I found it striking and visionary.
4. We wondered if there had been some sort of terrorist warning in France, because at some of the bigger sites, there were several soldiers patrolling with automatic weapons. They weren't there the last time I was in Paris in 2002. Also, we had to go through five security checks to get on our plane at the airport. Security was much tighter than in the U.S.
5. On the subject above, we had a minor adventure at the Louvre. We were wandering around in the French sculpture area, and all of a sudden some big steel doors came down and cut off one of the balconies. We thought that was odd. Then about three minutes later an alarm started sounding. Then a voice came on and said, "For your own safety, please leave the Louvre now. All visitors should leave the Louvre." Now, if you've ever been there, you know that the place is enormous and labyrinthine. So we started trying to find an exit on our map. We wandered through the Assyria section and found one, but the doors had all been closed and locked, which was a bit alarming. We then had to backtrack, and finally found a big emergency exit with a staffer. We asked her what was going on, and she said that "it's just a training exercise" and sent us back in. I'm suspicious, though; what kind of training exercise would involve setting off alarms, locking down the place, and informing visitors that they need to leave for their own safety?
6. Monet, Van Gogh, and Pissarro rock. They really do, especially Monet. With most paintings, I could make a poor-quality copy of it if the original was sitting right beside me. With Monet, I can't figure out how he painted pictures, even when I'm looking for the brushstrokes from six inches away. The brush strokes seem to make no sense, but when you back away, voila! Masterpiece!
7. I find it interesting that a Coca-Cola, a glass of wine, and a bottle of water typically cost the same in most restaurants.
8. We accidentally ordered raw beef for an appetizer one night. I winced a little and ate it, and it actually was pretty good. Then we accidentally ordered raw beef again for the main course. (Sigh.)
9. I managed to almost electrocute myself. I had my laptop with me for work reasons, and my wife had her Motorola Q with her. We only had one outlet converter, so one day I unplugged my laptop, which had been charging, and started to plug in her Q to charge it up. KRZAPAZAPABZZZZZZZZ! Before I even plugged it in, I accidentally brushed my hand on the converter, and wowza. However many volts there are in Europe, I took them all. The current nailed me in the hand and arm and actually passed through my hand and destroyed the battery in the Q before the circuit breaker in the hotel tripped. The main joint in my thumb is still sore days later.
10. The gal who won the Miss Italy contest (featuring a rather bemused and mute Sylvester Stallone as one of the judges) was much less attractive than the first runner-up.
11. Some Congolese cab driver tried to engage me in a debate about President Bush. He didn't like him at all. I didn't choose to argue. I found out later that the Congolese cab driver had taken a very long route to overcharge us by about $30. Never, ever trust Congolese democrats.
12. Versailles would be a nice place to live. Nice house, nice yard, nice awesome paintings of mythological heroes on the ceiling. The French really know their interior decorating.
13. I demanded their surrender, but they surprised me with their resistance. They ceded me Marseilles and Lyon, but nothing else.
14. Versailles was great, but we went into the apartments of Napoleon III in the Louvre, and there was one room that was unbelievable. Just unbelievable. It blew away any room I've ever seen, and there's nothing else even close - not at Versailles, not in Windsor Castle, nothing. A few pictures from the Internet are shown below. And the really amazing thing is that this apartment became the official home for the French Minister of Finance at some point, and the Minister lived there up until 1989.
http://brandyandjames.texasdemolay.org/honeymoon/pictures/day%202%20024.jpg
http://www.danielyeow.com/lou1_22.jpg
http://www.hoyt-teresa.com/images/fr_2003_louvre_napoleon.jpg
I'll leave the best part for my book and made-for-TV movie, but here are a few observations for those of you who are incarcerated and have nothing better to do than read this.
1. They cook their meat too much in Paris. Or they char it too much or something, because my meat-type foods often tasted more like charcoal than meat. I wasn't into that very much.
2. They have odd televised sports there. The five-girl Russian team gymnastics team (five people on the floor at the same time doing hula hoops or waving flags) was dominant in their contest.
3. Very, very low cut tops are fashionable for women in Paris. Shockingly low cut in some cases, as in you-can-see-the-whole-side-of-the-breast low cut. I found it striking and visionary.
4. We wondered if there had been some sort of terrorist warning in France, because at some of the bigger sites, there were several soldiers patrolling with automatic weapons. They weren't there the last time I was in Paris in 2002. Also, we had to go through five security checks to get on our plane at the airport. Security was much tighter than in the U.S.
5. On the subject above, we had a minor adventure at the Louvre. We were wandering around in the French sculpture area, and all of a sudden some big steel doors came down and cut off one of the balconies. We thought that was odd. Then about three minutes later an alarm started sounding. Then a voice came on and said, "For your own safety, please leave the Louvre now. All visitors should leave the Louvre." Now, if you've ever been there, you know that the place is enormous and labyrinthine. So we started trying to find an exit on our map. We wandered through the Assyria section and found one, but the doors had all been closed and locked, which was a bit alarming. We then had to backtrack, and finally found a big emergency exit with a staffer. We asked her what was going on, and she said that "it's just a training exercise" and sent us back in. I'm suspicious, though; what kind of training exercise would involve setting off alarms, locking down the place, and informing visitors that they need to leave for their own safety?
6. Monet, Van Gogh, and Pissarro rock. They really do, especially Monet. With most paintings, I could make a poor-quality copy of it if the original was sitting right beside me. With Monet, I can't figure out how he painted pictures, even when I'm looking for the brushstrokes from six inches away. The brush strokes seem to make no sense, but when you back away, voila! Masterpiece!
7. I find it interesting that a Coca-Cola, a glass of wine, and a bottle of water typically cost the same in most restaurants.
8. We accidentally ordered raw beef for an appetizer one night. I winced a little and ate it, and it actually was pretty good. Then we accidentally ordered raw beef again for the main course. (Sigh.)
9. I managed to almost electrocute myself. I had my laptop with me for work reasons, and my wife had her Motorola Q with her. We only had one outlet converter, so one day I unplugged my laptop, which had been charging, and started to plug in her Q to charge it up. KRZAPAZAPABZZZZZZZZ! Before I even plugged it in, I accidentally brushed my hand on the converter, and wowza. However many volts there are in Europe, I took them all. The current nailed me in the hand and arm and actually passed through my hand and destroyed the battery in the Q before the circuit breaker in the hotel tripped. The main joint in my thumb is still sore days later.
10. The gal who won the Miss Italy contest (featuring a rather bemused and mute Sylvester Stallone as one of the judges) was much less attractive than the first runner-up.
11. Some Congolese cab driver tried to engage me in a debate about President Bush. He didn't like him at all. I didn't choose to argue. I found out later that the Congolese cab driver had taken a very long route to overcharge us by about $30. Never, ever trust Congolese democrats.
12. Versailles would be a nice place to live. Nice house, nice yard, nice awesome paintings of mythological heroes on the ceiling. The French really know their interior decorating.
13. I demanded their surrender, but they surprised me with their resistance. They ceded me Marseilles and Lyon, but nothing else.
14. Versailles was great, but we went into the apartments of Napoleon III in the Louvre, and there was one room that was unbelievable. Just unbelievable. It blew away any room I've ever seen, and there's nothing else even close - not at Versailles, not in Windsor Castle, nothing. A few pictures from the Internet are shown below. And the really amazing thing is that this apartment became the official home for the French Minister of Finance at some point, and the Minister lived there up until 1989.
http://brandyandjames.texasdemolay.org/honeymoon/pictures/day%202%20024.jpg
http://www.danielyeow.com/lou1_22.jpg
http://www.hoyt-teresa.com/images/fr_2003_louvre_napoleon.jpg