Hammock Parties
10-11-2006, 07:21 AM
What a weird dream. In said dream, the first thing I remember is being part of a conversation about someone's boyfriend dying. In my attempts to console (get her into bed) the girl, I coerce her into the bedroom of said dead boyfriend. I close the door. She states she is pregnant and I am the father. I react in a supportive manner (to get her into bed). We begin to disrobe.
I have been taking pulls on a bottle of fine whiskey this whole time. I drink a bottle of the dead man's water sitting at the back of the room to get the taste out of my mouth. As we get naked, it is apparent she is FAT. I am turned off, big time. I talk my way out of the situation, and tell her I'll be right back. As we are getting dressed, HER FATHER bursts into the room and sees us. He immediately grabs a shotgun that was leaning against a dresser by the door. I dive into a corner as fat daughter pleads with enraged father not to kill me, and that nothing happened. With the gun in my face, I tell enraged father to inspect his daughter's vagina, and he will see that no screwing took place. He obliges, and my life is spared.
Also, at some point during this the shotgun changes to a handgun. He allows me to finish dressing and leave. I am about to leave, but then I go back into the room to grab some stylish leather shoes. He gives me the evil eye and I get the hell out of there, without even lacing the shoes up.
Here's where it turns weird. I start walking home, because obviously I'm not into fat chicks. I am hitchhiking, as I left my old rustbucket pickup truck several miles down the road. It is very hot. I stick my thumb out and a pass motorist ignores me. I continue walking until I come to a used car lot. There are several mexicans there.
I have $700 in my pocket. I ask the dealer if he has any rusty old pickups. He does, and we go find one. It is my car, obviously stolen from the side of the road. It is brown and white with blue highlights. It is cleaned up and quite shiny, however. We open the cabin door, but there are no seats, console or steering wheel. Nothing. Despite this, I ask if I can take it for a test drive. The manager says certainly, but first we must have our mechanic test it.
So he goes off to drive it, and I ask if there are any other rustbuckets I can look at, or perhaps a Delorean (I love Deloreans). The manager says sure, so off we go. A few seconds later, the mechanic comes back with the car. I say HEY! I THINK MY CAR IS BACK! We all run back inside.
Instead of purchasing the car, the dealer sits me down for an educational video about his dealership. I have no problem with this, strangely enough. He seats me next to this hot broad with huge tits. She is all over me. Several more people cram into a couch and this babe is being jammed into me, and she is all hands. I spill a creamy dessert on my crotch and she helps me wipe it up. Another hot babe sticks her pretty little mug in my face and asks if I would like a drink. I say no, making a mental note that she is hotter than the girl next to me.
Then it gets weirder. Someone yells something at an apparently gay employee standing off to my right. I forget what he says, it's not important. He then tells me a tale of this gay restaurant that serves fish. He knew it was a gay eatery the first time he went there, because he ordered a burger and it was burned to a crisp. The fish is great, he says. Fortunately, I made no advances.
I woke up at this point, so I'm going to end it myself.
The educational video ends, and I remove myself from the hot babe couch. I tell the man I'd like to buy the car, and he takes me outside. I defeat the manager and his lackeys in a whirlwind of devastating kung fu moves, leaving them all groaning on the ground. I'm not paying $700 for this piece of junk that belongs to me anyway. I get in the car and continue down the highway, as far away from that fat whore and her insane father with the shotgun. THE END.
WTF is going on?
I have been taking pulls on a bottle of fine whiskey this whole time. I drink a bottle of the dead man's water sitting at the back of the room to get the taste out of my mouth. As we get naked, it is apparent she is FAT. I am turned off, big time. I talk my way out of the situation, and tell her I'll be right back. As we are getting dressed, HER FATHER bursts into the room and sees us. He immediately grabs a shotgun that was leaning against a dresser by the door. I dive into a corner as fat daughter pleads with enraged father not to kill me, and that nothing happened. With the gun in my face, I tell enraged father to inspect his daughter's vagina, and he will see that no screwing took place. He obliges, and my life is spared.
Also, at some point during this the shotgun changes to a handgun. He allows me to finish dressing and leave. I am about to leave, but then I go back into the room to grab some stylish leather shoes. He gives me the evil eye and I get the hell out of there, without even lacing the shoes up.
Here's where it turns weird. I start walking home, because obviously I'm not into fat chicks. I am hitchhiking, as I left my old rustbucket pickup truck several miles down the road. It is very hot. I stick my thumb out and a pass motorist ignores me. I continue walking until I come to a used car lot. There are several mexicans there.
I have $700 in my pocket. I ask the dealer if he has any rusty old pickups. He does, and we go find one. It is my car, obviously stolen from the side of the road. It is brown and white with blue highlights. It is cleaned up and quite shiny, however. We open the cabin door, but there are no seats, console or steering wheel. Nothing. Despite this, I ask if I can take it for a test drive. The manager says certainly, but first we must have our mechanic test it.
So he goes off to drive it, and I ask if there are any other rustbuckets I can look at, or perhaps a Delorean (I love Deloreans). The manager says sure, so off we go. A few seconds later, the mechanic comes back with the car. I say HEY! I THINK MY CAR IS BACK! We all run back inside.
Instead of purchasing the car, the dealer sits me down for an educational video about his dealership. I have no problem with this, strangely enough. He seats me next to this hot broad with huge tits. She is all over me. Several more people cram into a couch and this babe is being jammed into me, and she is all hands. I spill a creamy dessert on my crotch and she helps me wipe it up. Another hot babe sticks her pretty little mug in my face and asks if I would like a drink. I say no, making a mental note that she is hotter than the girl next to me.
Then it gets weirder. Someone yells something at an apparently gay employee standing off to my right. I forget what he says, it's not important. He then tells me a tale of this gay restaurant that serves fish. He knew it was a gay eatery the first time he went there, because he ordered a burger and it was burned to a crisp. The fish is great, he says. Fortunately, I made no advances.
I woke up at this point, so I'm going to end it myself.
The educational video ends, and I remove myself from the hot babe couch. I tell the man I'd like to buy the car, and he takes me outside. I defeat the manager and his lackeys in a whirlwind of devastating kung fu moves, leaving them all groaning on the ground. I'm not paying $700 for this piece of junk that belongs to me anyway. I get in the car and continue down the highway, as far away from that fat whore and her insane father with the shotgun. THE END.
WTF is going on?