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View Full Version : Know a good deal when you see one


sedated
10-11-2006, 10:46 AM
The Honorable Paul S. Sarbanes
309 Hart Senate Office Building
Washington DC, 20510

Dear Senator Sarbanes,

As a native Marylander and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stem from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.

Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year. Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as "in-state" tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.

Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.

Fairplay
10-11-2006, 10:50 AM
Tacos going to be offended.

Easy 6
10-11-2006, 10:52 AM
Jack-Booted minions are enroute to your home as we speak in reply to your query, i suggest you take shelter with your loved ones ASAP.

sedated
10-11-2006, 10:59 AM
Jack-Booted minions are enroute to your home as we speak in reply to your query, i suggest you take shelter with your loved ones ASAP.

[knock, knock]

- Whose there?

- Goons

- Who?

- Hired goons

[opens door]

-D'OH!

vailpass
10-11-2006, 11:01 AM
Excellent post. Does anyone have a rebuttal for the points made in this sarcastic masterpiece?

Rain Man
10-11-2006, 11:02 AM
Sign me up. These taxes are killing me.

Easy 6
10-11-2006, 11:14 AM
[knock, knock]

- Whose there?

- Goons

- Who?

- Hired goons

[opens door]

-D'OH!
Black Hand Industries has targeted you for disposal Mr.Se Dated, LETS GO ( kicks over table as you are encircled and chlorophormed)

dollar1
10-11-2006, 12:33 PM
That needs to be on national news.

No rebuttal from me.

~Important content added, Under Rock~

sedated
10-11-2006, 12:35 PM
Black Hand Industries has targeted you for disposal


f*cking racist

SBK
10-11-2006, 12:44 PM
Don't stop there. Ask how you can steal identities and get welfare as well.

boogblaster
10-11-2006, 12:55 PM
Does this mean no more cheap 420...

Halfcan
10-11-2006, 01:17 PM
nice

Easy 6
10-11-2006, 02:30 PM
f*cking racist
I HAVE to assume theres /{sarcasm} in that right.............?

sedated
10-11-2006, 02:50 PM
I HAVE to assume theres /{sarcasm} in that right.............?

when you assume, you make an ass out of U and ME

Easy 6
10-11-2006, 03:02 PM
when you assume, you make an ass out of U and ME
I have heard of that old axiom.......guess i'll just go with my gut on this.................