Guys: Please, Return Your "Specimen" Cup

[Mr. Kotter]

Three years ago, after the birth of our fourth child...I got a vasectomy. Since our fourth child was conceived while my wife was on birth control, our pediatrician recommended that both my wife and I get "fixed" to avoid any more 'surprises.' So, in addition to my getting "snipped," my wife had her tubes tied. We were "done."

Well, to make a long story short...the vasectomy was an "out-patient" procedure at my GP's office. He sent a "specimen cup" home with me, that he said I should bring back "in a few weeks" to ensure the vasectomy "took." Well, I was uncomfortable with that whole idea....and figured, "well, my wife got fixed too, so I'll just skip that." (Well, by now...you can probably tell where this is going...)

Anyway, I got home from the Charger-Chiefs weekend about midnight on Sunday, and crawled into bed. My wife was still awake, and after a bit small talk I turned over to go to sleep for the night. After a minute or two of silence, my wife out-of-nowhere says, "so, do you love me?" I respond, "Of course, I do." And, I'm thinking...."wow, she must've missed me, and is feeling a little frisky." Then she says, "How much do you love me?" And I'm thinking, "heh-heh."

That's when she uttered the words. THE words:

"I'm pregnant."

So, I'm thinking "No way. That's impossible"....I think she was just setting me up for something less shocking, like "I wrecked the van," or "Chris broke his leg," or "Oreo (one of our dogs) chewed your leather Chief's jacket."

So, I literally laugh out loud, and say "Yeah, right. You should try something a little more believable. I mean, I'm fixed...you're fixed. You are on the pill (for hormonal purposes). No way I'm buying that. So what's up? Really, I mean."

She says, "No, I'm serious. I'm pregnant. You know how I've been exhausted, and not feeling well since August or so? And we just thought it was something hormonal? Well, I finally went into the doctor. I'm pregnant. I've heard the heartbeat. I'm 17 weeks."

After about a minute or two of stunned silence, I ask: "Are you sure?" She didn't dignify that with a response, nor my follow-up of: "So, who's is it?" (Suffice it to say, she's sure....and there is no way it's anyone else's.)

:shake:

Needless to say....at age 43, with four kids ages 11, 7, 5 and 3...my preoccupation for the last 36 hours has been: "Why? Why me? Why us?"

Well, if any of you needed a lift....or were feeling a little bit sorry for yourselves, I hope I've made your day for you. ;)

As for me, I'm thinking I ought to go buy a few lottery tickets.....:hmmm:

:(

:shake:

[Rain Man]

Name him Jesus.

[Braincase]

Name him Jesus.

Nah... name him "Zeus". "Hey, Zeus" has the same effect.

[Easy 6]

If you both are fixed and she still got pregger's i would take it as a sign from God. Not saying i dont feel your pain but it seems meant to be :shrug:

[Phobia]

How does your boyfriend feel about the situation?

Congratulations. That's an amazing story.

[Hammock Parties]

Just think...when he's graduating college, you could have been retired.

[bkkcoh]

One helluva swimmer........ Olympics are in your next child's future.....

Congrats, I think :toast: :banghead:

[Hammock Parties]

Five! Five ****ing Kotters!

[NewChief]

Holy cow, Kotter.

Incredible story. I know that you're likely feeling pretty mixed emotions right now, but you'll make it through.

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
the fruit of the womb a reward.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior
are the children of one's youth.
Blessed is the man
who fills his quiver with them!
Psalm 127:3-5

[Bowser]

Congrats, Rob! You need to get a refund for your "getting fixed" operation(s).

You also need to switch to decaf, apparently.

[Frosty]

Tales like this always scare me. :(

If I may ask, Mr. Kotter, when you got "snipped", did they just clip the tubes or actually take a chunk out of them?

[Darkwolfe]

Infreakincredible. Life's just chock full of surprises ain't it.
It's all good, and if it ain't, make it that way. :thumb:

[JBucc]

Quick! Get to the abortion clinic!

Congratulations.

[morphius]

Both of my Children have come to us while the wife was on some sort of birth control, so I know a bit how you feel (with half as many kids and a decade behind you).

But hey, the last little one can bring a smile to me faster then anything in the world.

Congrats!

[JazzzLovr]

Wow, what a story. Congrats, Rob!

Yet another mini-Kotter to beat up on Cntrygal! ;)

Please tell your wife congrats and best wishes also.

Tammie

[cdcox]

Amazing. Congratulations!

[sedated]

congrats...and condolences

[StcChief]

Too lazy to ensure you/her are fixed...The Urologist has a release not valid until a clean sample is produced.
I had to do two samples before he signed off.


But Congrats :toast: It was just met to be.

[Scaga]

Congrats!
OR
Sorry?


To be honest, I never took the "sample" back either. That's been 6 years ago, and, one of these days, I might get to see if mine took too! :deevee:

Actually, I gave the cup to my wife and told her it was a "spit cup" that the doctor told me to give to her. She didn't think that was funny :banghead: . (actually, she did think it was funny, but still hasn't done anything about it yet) :(

[Demonpenz]

Thats why straight people would do it in the butt.

[Archie F. Swin]

Dammit Carl! :cuss:

[58-4ever]

You just need to start putting it in her butt.

[Tinlar]

Are you sure it isn't twins?

[Raiderhater]

Thats why straight people would do it in the butt.



Post of the day.

[Frankie]

So, I literally laugh out loud, and say "Yeah, right. You should try something a little more believable. I mean, I'm fixed...you're fixed. You are on the pill (for hormonal purposes). No way I'm buying that. So what's up? Really, I mean."

Is the Mailman fixed? :hmmm:











OK, Mr Kotter,... Bad joke. ;)

[Frankie]

Name him Jesus.
ROFL

[Frankie]

Thats why straight people would do it in the butt.
ROFL

[morphius]

Just think, by the time you are 70 he should be just about done with college!

[Mr. Kotter]

How does your boyfriend feel about the situation?

Congratulations. That's an amazing story.
Ha ROFL


Thanks. Amazing isn't the first thing I thought of....:shake:

Just think...when he's graduating college, you could have been retired.

I know, I know. :banghead:

[Mr. Kotter]

Tales like this always scare me. :(

If I may ask, Mr. Kotter, when you got "snipped", did they just clip the tubes or actually take a chunk out of them?

He took a chunk out. Obviously, though, not a BIG enough chunk. :(

[Tinlar]

Just think, by the time you are 70 he should be just about done with college!

I don't konw, he's got a good spacing in there on age. About the the time his yongest is ready for school the oldest should be well into his work life. Just make sure the oldest knows it'll be his responsibility to put the next kid in line through school.

[Mr. Kotter]

Quick! Get to the abortion clinic!

Congratulations.

Not even a thought.

Although if it had been 2-3 years later, it may have been...

[ChiTown]

Bah!

My oldest brother is 49, he has 8 kids, and his youngest is 4.

You got it easy compared to him.........;)

Congrats, Kotter! That little kid could end up being the greatest thing that ever happened to you. Chin up and smile.
:)

[dirk digler]

Congrats Rob that is awesome!

[StcChief]

He took a chunk out. Obviously, though, not a BIG enough chunk. :(

I guess you got the 'discount Doctor'....no wonder he wanted the sample back. :)

Good thing nurse was 'NOT HOT' during surgery.

He cuts the tubes, tie each side and burns/coterize the ends. Slight shock then....His comment "no swimmers get past the tied burnt ends."
was classic.

[go bo]

wow, congratulations rob... :toast:

my brother and his wife had a little girl when he was in his late forties...

she was the joy of his life until he passed away...

enjoy what God gives you, rob...

best wishes to your wife and other kids...

[big nasty kcnut]

Great news congrat. You sure your not a being from another planet?

[Mr. Kotter]

Bah!

My oldest brother is 49, he has 8 kids, and his youngest is 4.

You got it easy compared to him.........;)

Congrats, Kotter! That little kid could end up being the greatest thing that ever happened to you. Chin up and smile.
:)

I know, I know. Thanks. I just still in "shock," I think.

[Scaga]

Kids:
The screwin' you get for the screwin' you got.

[Pitt Gorilla]

Good for you. Nothing better than a little one to brighten the day.

[kregger]

Mr K,
Age is relative. I have to keep telling myself this over and over. We just completed an adoption of an infant(14 mos) and I'm 46. There are times when I think I'm too old for this @#*% and then the little guy smiles at me and says da-da and it all goes away. You and your family will be blessed by this new, unexpected arrival. Remember, the more kids you have, the better chance that at least one of them will take care of you much later in life.

[siberian khatru]

I'm surprised no one's mentioned putting out a bowl of anti-freeze.

[Raiderhater]

I'm surprised no one's mentioned putting out a bowl of anti-freeze.



LMAO

[Iowanian]

Damn....I thought I pulled out.

[Mr. Kotter]

Damn....I thought I pulled out.

My attorney will be using this as evidence at your child support hearing, bitch!!! :cuss:




:p

[Chief Faithful]

Hey! Welcome to the club. My fourth child is named Jesse. Although the Vasectomy didn't slow things down it seems having my wife's tubes tied did the trick.

There is an interesting statistic the doctors quote that 4% of men who have Vasectomy's go on to have more children. What they don't tell you is to be part of that statistical sampling the Vasectomy must be considered successful. Successful is measured by a negative furtility test post Vasectomy. That means all the guys out there that think they are infurtile, 4% go on to have more children.

Be afraid, be very afraid.

[RINGLEADER]

This must be all Clinton's fault...

[Mr. Kotter]

Chief Faithful, kregger, PittGorilla....

Thanks guys. I'm outta rep for the day, but I appreciate the encouragement. I'm just still more than a bit dazed and confused.

sk, for me? I might drink it. Heh.

RL, Clinton? Bastard. Gonna have to call my lawyer. He or Iowanian are gonna pay child support. Damn letches. :p

[Chief Faithful]

Chief Faithful, kregger, PittGorilla....

Thanks guys. I'm outta rep for the day, but I appreciate the encouragement. I'm just still more than a bit dazed and confused.Jesse was 2 years old before I decided it was cool. Until then all I could do was think about how old I was going to be before I could retire.

I've been telling my oldest child for 3 years that Jesse is coming to live with him when he gets in High School.

[Inspector]

Congratulations!

I too have 5 kids - all boys. (Well, men now - ages 26 to 34)

Enjoy all the extra excitement headed your way. Before you know it, the grandkids will be along to make a little more interesting.

Hang in there. Grankids will be your reward for not killing your kids. They grow up fast. In 20 or so years it will all seem like a flash.

[Mr. Kotter]

Congratulations!

I too have 5 kids - all boys. (Well, men now - ages 26 to 34)

Enjoy all the extra excitement headed your way. Before you know it, the grandkids will be along to make a little more interesting.

Hang in there. Grankids will be your reward for not killing your kids. They grow up fast. In 20 or so years it will all seem like a flash.

Thanks. I'm not TOO anxious to get to that point....but I appreciate the sentiment.

[stevieray]

You are a great Dad...what's the problem?

:toast:

[Adept Havelock]

Congrats, Kotter. I know you're probably a little shell-shocked right now, but I also know you'll be grinning from ear to ear the first time you hold the newest addition to your family.

I'm sure you'll find a way to deal with the financial side, but in a worst-case scenario you could sell the oldest or most problematical of the others to gypsys I suppose. Even if you can't bring yourself to do that, it'd make a good threat to keep 'em in line. :)

[Spott]

Damn, that's messed up. I got snipped 10 years ago when I was 24 and I never went back. No way was I going to jerk off in a cup and then take it back to some nurse.

So far, I've had no problems and I still only have my one child. Maybe I better go look throuh the attic and see if I can find that cup they gave m.

[Fire Me Boy!]

That'll teach you for pokin' fun!

[RP_McMurphy]

Got mine in September 04 and didn't donate until December 04 to make sure I was totally empty. No lovin without the glove before that from the wife. I had a bad experience as the local wore off halfway thru and I had to do the last part without it. But no way was I getting that needle into the boys again.

[Archie F. Swin]

Good for you. Nothing better than a little one to brighten the day.

well, we know who doesn't have kids

[Cntrygal]

Wow, what a story. Congrats, Rob!

Yet another mini-Kotter to beat up on Cntrygal! ;)

Please tell your wife congrats and best wishes also.

Tammie

:harumph:

I whupped his kids.

[Cntrygal]

btw - Congrats!

How is Mrs. Kotter feeling about it?

[WilliamTheIrish]

Damn, that's messed up. I got snipped 10 years ago when I was 24 and I never went back. No way was I going to jerk off in a cup and then take it back to some nurse.

So far, I've had no problems and I still only have my one child. Maybe I better go look throuh the attic and see if I can find that cup they gave m.

It can be dangerous taking those samples in to the lab.

A Dr. I know was crossing the street with his sample in a plain brown wrapper, when a station wagon hit him and broke his leg.

[teedubya]

The Immaculate Contraception Deception.

That is what I name this episode. Dude, babies are cool, Congrats on that one...5.

If its a boy your should name him George or Brett... or whatever the biological fathers name is.

j/k congrats bro.

[Fairplay]

DNA tests are cheaper then you think.

[teedubya]

I think this thread should have a sticky. heh

[burt]

took me 4 weeks to fill that damn sample cup........... I asked for another, tho......

Congrats Kotter....you still look TOO much like me.

[Logical]

Three years ago, after the birth of our fourth child...I got a vasectomy. Since our fourth child was conceived while my wife was on birth control, our pediatrician recommended that both my wife and I get "fixed" to avoid any more 'surprises.' So, in addition to my getting "snipped," my wife had her tubes tied. We were "done."

Well, to make a long story short...the vasectomy was an "out-patient" procedure at my GP's office. He sent a "specimen cup" home with me, that he said I should bring back "in a few weeks" to ensure the vasectomy "took." Well, I was uncomfortable with that whole idea....and figured, "well, my wife got fixed too, so I'll just skip that." (Well, by now...you can probably tell where this is going...)

Anyway, I got home from the Charger-Chiefs weekend about midnight on Sunday, and crawled into bed. My wife was still awake, and after a bit small talk I turned over to go to sleep for the night. After a minute or two of silence, my wife out-of-nowhere says, "so, do you love me?" I respond, "Of course, I do." And, I'm thinking...."wow, she must've missed me, and is feeling a little frisky." Then she says, "How much do you love me?" And I'm thinking, "heh-heh."

That's when she uttered the words. THE words:

"I'm pregnant."

So, I'm thinking "No way. That's impossible"....I think she was just setting me up for something less shocking, like "I wrecked the van," or "Chris broke his leg," or "Oreo (one of our dogs) chewed your leather Chief's jacket."

So, I literally laugh out loud, and say "Yeah, right. You should try something a little more believable. I mean, I'm fixed...you're fixed. You are on the pill (for hormonal purposes). No way I'm buying that. So what's up? Really, I mean."

She says, "No, I'm serious. I'm pregnant. You know how I've been exhausted, and not feeling well since August or so? And we just thought it was something hormonal? Well, I finally went into the doctor. I'm pregnant. I've heard the heartbeat. I'm 17 weeks."

After about a minute or two of stunned silence, I ask: "Are you sure?" She didn't dignify that with a response, nor my follow-up of: "So, who's is it?" (Suffice it to say, she's sure....and there is no way it's anyone else's.)

:shake:

Needless to say....at age 43, with four kids ages 11, 7, 5 and 3...my preoccupation for the last 36 hours has been: "Why? Why me? Why us?"

Well, if any of you needed a lift....or were feeling a little bit sorry for yourselves, I hope I've made your day for you. ;)

As for me, I'm thinking I ought to go buy a few lottery tickets.....:hmmm:

:(

:shake:Seems like someone who went to all this trouble would be forgiven if they chose an abortion.

Best of luck Mr and Mrs Kotter. By the way have you been keeping an eye on Vinny Barbarino?

[teedubya]

By the way have you been keeping an eye on Vinny Barbarino?


ROFL

[stumppy]

Congats. on the new rugrat.
I never did take my cup back in either. That was 15 yrs. ago. I think I'm safe........I think.

Since it appears your new tax deduction can get out of anything The ONLY name you can pick is Houdini.

[teedubya]

regardless, that kid is an effing champion, who overcomes obstacles, and survives. No joke there.

[Al Bundy]

Keep it in your pants next time Kotter...

[Mr. Kotter]

:harumph:

I whupped his kids.
BS. Do I need to dig for the PICTURES? :p

btw - Congrats!

How is Mrs. Kotter feeling about it?

She's getting better. Kinda like shellshock for a week or two though.

Thanks, though.

[Mr. Kotter]

The Immaculate Contraception Deception.

That is what I name this episode. Dude, babies are cool, Congrats on that one...5.

If its a boy your should name him George or Brett... or whatever the biological fathers name is.

j/k congrats bro.If I had ANY doubt, there's a part of me that would want to know. I don't though. Long story....I just don't. No way.
regardless, that kid is an effing champion, who overcomes obstacles, and survives. No joke there.
Yup. Either an Olympic swimmer....or a scrambling QB. Houdini might be a good name, if it's a boy. He WON'T wear number 7 though. :harumph:

Keep it in your pants next time Kotter...

I know, I know....:banghead:

[Mr. Kotter]

...Best of luck Mr and Mrs Kotter. By the way have you been keeping an eye on Vinny Barbarino?


Thanks, Jim. As long as the kid doesn't look like Horshack....

or Washington. :hmmm:

[Al Bundy]

If I had ANY doubt, there's a part of me that would want to know. I don't though. Long story....I just don't. No way.

Yup. Either an Olympic swimmer....or a scrambling QB. Houdini might be a good name, if it's a boy. He WON'T wear number 7 though. :harumph:



I know, I know....:banghead:

Seriously, congrats on this. Seems as though you were just meant to have another child.

[ChiefsFanatic]

Three years ago, after the birth of our fourth child...I got a vasectomy. Since our fourth child was conceived while my wife was on birth control, our pediatrician recommended that both my wife and I get "fixed" to avoid any more 'surprises.' So, in addition to my getting "snipped," my wife had her tubes tied. We were "done."

Well, to make a long story short...the vasectomy was an "out-patient" procedure at my GP's office. He sent a "specimen cup" home with me, that he said I should bring back "in a few weeks" to ensure the vasectomy "took." Well, I was uncomfortable with that whole idea....and figured, "well, my wife got fixed too, so I'll just skip that." (Well, by now...you can probably tell where this is going...)

Anyway, I got home from the Charger-Chiefs weekend about midnight on Sunday, and crawled into bed. My wife was still awake, and after a bit small talk I turned over to go to sleep for the night. After a minute or two of silence, my wife out-of-nowhere says, "so, do you love me?" I respond, "Of course, I do." And, I'm thinking...."wow, she must've missed me, and is feeling a little frisky." Then she says, "How much do you love me?" And I'm thinking, "heh-heh."

That's when she uttered the words. THE words:

"I'm pregnant."

So, I'm thinking "No way. That's impossible"....I think she was just setting me up for something less shocking, like "I wrecked the van," or "Chris broke his leg," or "Oreo (one of our dogs) chewed your leather Chief's jacket."

So, I literally laugh out loud, and say "Yeah, right. You should try something a little more believable. I mean, I'm fixed...you're fixed. You are on the pill (for hormonal purposes). No way I'm buying that. So what's up? Really, I mean."

She says, "No, I'm serious. I'm pregnant. You know how I've been exhausted, and not feeling well since August or so? And we just thought it was something hormonal? Well, I finally went into the doctor. I'm pregnant. I've heard the heartbeat. I'm 17 weeks."

After about a minute or two of stunned silence, I ask: "Are you sure?" She didn't dignify that with a response, nor my follow-up of: "So, who's is it?" (Suffice it to say, she's sure....and there is no way it's anyone else's.)

:shake:

Needless to say....at age 43, with four kids ages 11, 7, 5 and 3...my preoccupation for the last 36 hours has been: "Why? Why me? Why us?"

Well, if any of you needed a lift....or were feeling a little bit sorry for yourselves, I hope I've made your day for you. ;)

As for me, I'm thinking I ought to go buy a few lottery tickets.....:hmmm:

:(

:shake:


When he is born, could you put in a few good words about our Chiefs? I think we really need some divine intervention. ROFL

[boogblaster]

Sounds like the planets were in line..you could name the child Buck Rogers or maybe Spock....

[SLAG]

Congrats Kotter-

I often wish children never got older than age 1

I wish toddlers upon no one... its one of my biggest crosses to bear.

Anyway This one is something special Good Luck

[Mr. Kotter]

Congrats Kotter-

I often wish children never got older than age 1

I wish toddlers upon no one... its one of my biggest crosses to bear.

Anyway This one is something special Good Luck

Thanks.

According to a "biologist" I talked to tonight, the "odds" were between 1:500,000 and 1:1,000,000.

Which is much better than for odds of winning the average lottery; which puts that into real perspective, eh? :shake:

[TinyEvel]

I think the remarkable thing is you've been married a long time, age 43 and you still have sex! (at least every two years!)

Congrats!

I got snipped after #2 and never returned the cup, either. Now I'm thinking about it.

[007]

Damn, nothing is safe. Congrats dude. I hope we are not as lucky as you though. WE are happy with our three. One more could make us go crazy.

[listopencil]

Got mine in September 04 and didn't donate until December 04 to make sure I was totally empty. No lovin without the glove before that from the wife. I had a bad experience as the local wore off halfway thru and I had to do the last part without it. But no way was I getting that needle into the boys again.


You too? The doctor gave me an extra shot because I started freaking out. A few minutes after ther second shot he goes, "OK, how do you feel now?" I said, "How do I feel? You've got my balls in your hand, you're holding a knife and you've already cut me once. I'm scared out of my ****ing mind." I should have taken the pill that the nurse offered to relax me. But it was worth it. We had kids while using rubbers, spermicidal gel and the pill at the same time. My Mom tells me that she used to get pregnant when my Dad would just unzip his pants, or so it seemed to her.

[listopencil]

:shake:


I know this is going to be a huge burden on you. I also know this will be an incredible blessing. It's like that movie with Steve Martin where he feels like he's on a rollercoaster and eventually learns to enjoy it. More than anything, I bet you are going to be a great Dad to this kid. He or she will have the benefit of your maturity.

[teedubya]

Say yes to Porn, Kotter.

[greg63]

Well congrats bud! :toast:

Are you by any chance related to Rich Scanlon??

[007]

http://smiley.onegreatguy.net/baby.gif http://smiley.onegreatguy.net/baby2.gif http://smiley.onegreatguy.net/baby3.gif

sorry couldn't resist.

[Demonpenz]

maybe one of those kids will take care of you when your old. I know my parents are going in the home once they are 60

[greg63]

http://smiley.onegreatguy.net/baby.gif http://smiley.onegreatguy.net/baby2.gif http://smiley.onegreatguy.net/baby3.gif

sorry couldn't resist.

LMAO

[MichaelH]

Damn, I thought my wife was fertile.

[007]

Damn, I thought my wife was fertile.

Or he just has outstanding swimmers.

[ExtremeChief]

Congrats Rob!


I really hope you didn't get pass to close to my wife at Joe's. I'll call you if something happens, Mr. Happy Pants.

[Nzoner]

I think you might be needing that botle of JD worse than me.

Congrats though and look on the bright side when you're getting old and don't feel like driving you can have the kid bring you to Planet Bash 25

[Chieftain58]

Do you have Insurance?

[Iowanian]

never returned the cup, either. Now I'm thinking about it.

Sounds to me like alot of you are just trying to make an excuse to Row row Row your ho Boat.


Kotter....if it comes out a couple of shades darker than you...you might want to change your oil.

[Mr. Kotter]

I think you might be needing that botle of JD worse than me.

Congrats though and look on the bright side when you're getting old and don't feel like driving you can have the kid bring you to Planet Bash 25
Now, THAT'S a thought.... :hmmm:

Do you have Insurance?

Yeah. They haven't taken that away yet...heh.

[Mr. Kotter]

...

Kotter....if it comes out a couple of shades darker than you...you might want to change your oil.

:eek:

You need to change your oil. Damn, I knew I was forgetting something. I'll bet I can get that done with my next lube job....:hmmm: