Own a laptop with wireless Internet?

[Simplex3]

I'd like to get someone to try an experimental poop thread. Some might call it "revolutionary". I'm thinking that rather than going and doing the deed, then coming back and describing it, we need to progress and change with the times.

So what I'm asking for is a play-by-play poop thread. Take the computer in with you and post your thoughts, feelings, smells, etc as the deed is being done.

As with all revolutionary change, this may not work out. As such please be aware that I am not responsible in any way, shape, or form for any distress or costs, real or emotional, that may arise from performing this act or any acts related to it.


********************************************************************
***** Q U A L I F I C A T I O N    R U L E S
********************************************************************

1. You must post before the first kid splashes down.

2. You must post between the first and last kid.

3. You must post between the last kid and wiping.

4. You must post between wiping and flushing.

5. You must summarize the experience post-flush.

[ChiefFan31]

I have a laptop with wireless. It's what I'm using now, and I have shit and posted before. Its fun.

Not pewping now so I cannot describe anything.

[Eleazar]

I'm posting... (plop)... still posting... (plop)

[Buck]

I'd like to get someone to try an experimental poop thread. Some might call it "revolutionary". I'm thinking that rather than going and doing the deed, then coming back and describing it, we need to progress and change with the times.

So what I'm asking for is a play-by-play poop thread. Take the computer in with you and post your thoughts, feelings, smells, etc as the deed is being done.

As with all revolutionary change, this may not work out. As such please be aware that I am not responsible in any way, shape, or form for any distress or costs, real or emotional, that may arise from performing this act or any acts related to it.

Sorry to inform you thats not very revolutionary, I was doing that 3 years ago.

[Simplex3]

I'm posting... (plop)... still posting... (plop)
You failed creative writing as a child, didn't you?

[greg63]

This concept alone makes me wish that I did indeed own a lap top with wireless internet.

[Simplex3]

Sorry to inform you thats not very revolutionary, I was doing that 3 years ago.
Prove it.

['Hamas' Jenkins]

Dammit. I just shit 20 minutes ago.

[crazycoffey]

You got it, I've been in the crapper many times, but next time I will give you the description

I was going last night before I signed off, from like 11pm to 1130

[Simplex3]

You got it, I've been in the crapper many times, but next time I will give you the description

I was going last night before I signed off, from like 11pm to 1130
You took a half hour s**t? You might want to have that looked at. But not by Goatcheeze, that would just be weird.

[Buck]

Prove it.

http://tim.griffins.ca/gallery/laptop/typing-on-toilet.jpg

[greg63]

Dammit. I just shit 20 minutes ago.

My digestive track is still processing supper, but it matters very little since I don't have wireless internet.

[greg63]

http://tim.griffins.ca/gallery/laptop/typing-on-toilet.jpg

OMG :shake:

[Phobia]

I had 3 heaping bowls of a tasty, as-of-yet-unnamed casserole my wife prepared for dinner.

It had taters, onions, hamburger, and no shortage of cheese. I have a feeling you can count on my participation priot to bedtime this evening.

[Simplex3]

http://www.redneck-humor.com/files/picture/12517644.jpg

[Simplex3]

I had 3 heaping bowls of a tasty, as-of-yet-unnamed casserole my wife prepared for dinner.

It had taters, onions, hamburger, and no shortage of cheese. I have a feeling you can count on my participation priot to bedtime this evening.
Kick ass.

[JBucc]

I have laptop that has wirless built in but I do not have a wireless internet connection. I do however have a 50 foot ethernet cable

[Buck]

I have laptop that has wirless built in but I do not have a wireless internet connection. I do however have a 50 foot ethernet cable

That works.

[Phobia]

I have laptop that has wirless built in but I do not have a wireless internet connection. I do however have a 50 foot ethernet cable

Judges?

[Simplex3]

I have laptop that has wirless built in but I do not have a wireless internet connection. I do however have a 50 foot ethernet cable
The exact arrangement of your connectivity is irrelevant. I appreciate any participation in this study.

[Phobia]

That works.

Shut up N00B!!!

[Buck]

The exact arrangement of your connectivity is irrelevant. I appreciate any participation in this study.

If you didnt have any connection from inside the bathroom, could you write down notes on a pad of paper, and then come back to your computer and copy them down into this thread?

[Simplex3]

The exact arrangement of your connectivity is irrelevant. I appreciate any participation in this study.
Note:

As long as the cable is only used to connect your PC to the Internet and makes no pit-stops in between. Otherwise you'll have to take a black and white photo and call it "art". You could even get a government grant.

[crazycoffey]

You took a half hour s**t? You might want to have that looked at. But not by Goatcheeze, that would just be weird.




Yeah, I have a prostrate the size of a watermelon. It’s probably about to rupture, but I’ll be sure to mention that too.

[Simplex3]

If you didnt have any connection from inside the bathroom, could you write down notes on a pad of paper, and then come back to your computer and copy them down into this thread?
Only if you dictate the notes to someone else. We don't want anyone stabbing or poking something by accident.

[Simplex3]

Yeah, I have a prostrate the size of a watermelon. It’s probably about to rupture, but I’ll be sure to mention that too.
Just make sure you click "Submit Reply" before you go towards the white light.

[Buck]

Only if you dictate the notes to someone else. We don't want anyone stabbing or poking something by accident.

Does the other person have to corroborate the incident? Or can I just say that there was another person?

[greg63]

I had 3 heaping bowls of a tasty, as-of-yet-unnamed casserole my wife prepared for dinner.

It had taters, onions, hamburger, and no shortage of cheese. I have a feeling you can count on my participation priot to bedtime this evening.

...I a wait with anticipation.

[Simplex3]

Does the other person have to corroborate the incident? Or can I just say that there was another person?
We'll take your word for it, but as a Charger's fan it's already obvious you have no friends or family.

[greg63]

Shut up N00B!!!


Skip is that you???























I can't believe I just insulted skip.....sorry buddy it was unintentional.

[Buck]

We'll take your word for it, but as a Charger's fan it's already obvious you have no friends or family.

I have pictures, but I doubt that would help out my rep.

[crazycoffey]

Just make sure you click "Submit Reply" before you go towards the white light.


what makes you think I'm going to any white or lightened place?

[Simplex3]

Ok, I've amended the thread header to include the rules for qualification into the study.

[Buck]

Ok, I've amended the thread header to include the rules for qualification into the study.

What if there is only one "kid"?

[Simplex3]

I have pictures, but I doubt that would help out my rep.
Please post a pic. You'd be the pope in no time, I'm sure.

[Simplex3]

What if there is only one "kid"?
Then you don't qualify, Sally.

[greg63]

What if there is only one "kid"?
Then you only have one "kid"; geez woman???

[Buck]

Then you don't qualify, Sally.

The names Alice. And I've had many a poop that have been one piece and over a foot long.

[Simplex3]

Then you only have one "kid"; geez man.
Careful there, Tripod.





:D

[greg63]

Careful there, Tripod.





:D


LMAO




Oh, alright.

[greg63]

The names Alice. And I've had many a poop that have been one piece and over a foot long.

Eating at Sonic again eh?

[crazycoffey]

ever had a no - wiper?

[crazycoffey]

The names Alice. And I've had many a poop that have been one piece and over a foot long.


I knew charger fans were gay!

[Buck]

ever had a no - wiper?

YES!!! Those are the best, I always feel like I've completed a great accomplishment when I have one of those.

[greg63]

ever had a no - wiper?

Yup; mighty convenient!

[Buck]

I knew charger fans were gay!

C'mon man, you know you like it when you stand up and look in the toilet and a beast is looking back at you.

[greg63]

I usually have a wipe forever poop though; hate those.

[Simplex3]

C'mon man, you know you like it when you stand up and look in the toilet and a beast is looking back at you.
The worst is when they're standing up in the hole and they're above water.

:shudder:

[crazycoffey]

C'mon man, you know you like it when you stand up and look in the toilet and a beast is looking back at you.


well, with my afore mentioned prostrate problems joined with some nasty IBS, all I have looking back at me after several minutes of labor, is a bowl of dark grape koolaide

[Buck]

If you had your own theme music, what music would be playing while you pooped?

I'm thinking mine might be We Are the Champions by Queen

[Simplex3]

well, with my afore mentioned prostrate problems joined with some nasty IBS, all I have looking back at me after several minutes of labor, is a bowl of dark grape koolaide
Grape GATORADE. GATORADE.

Damnit n00bs, LEARN YOUR LEXICON! Otherwise I'm going to stab you in the face.

[Hammock Parties]

I had some chinese, but likely won't crap til mornin.

[crazycoffey]

If you had your own theme music, what music would be playing while you pooped?

I'm thinking mine might be We Are the Champions by Queen


Flight of the bumble bee - by Rimsky

[crazycoffey]

Grape GATORADE. GATORADE.

Damnit n00bs, LEARN YOUR LEXICON! Otherwise I'm going to stab you in the face.


Oh, sorry. I wasn't trying to reference anything, I was just making shit up......


Punny

[Buck]

I had some chinese, but likely won't crap til mornin.

Dont count on it, Chinese food is the enemy of poop.

[Simplex3]

Flight of the bumble bee - by Rimsky
You think that now, but I actually tried to crap in a public s**tter to that song and it's just not possible. I had to wait for the song to be over so I could do my thing.

[Simplex3]

Oh, sorry. I wasn't trying to reference anything, I was just making shit up......


Punny
See, it doesn't matter if the two things actually tie together or not, you make it happen by using the Lexicon.

For instance, if anyone ever says "cat", it's obligatory that someone else mention "a bowl of antifreeze" within 5 posts or someone else must mention "this place has lost it's burst".

[crazycoffey]

You think that now, but I actually tried to crap in a public s**tter to that song and it's just not possible. I had to wait for the song to be over so I could do my thing.

lately I've been feeling the urge to purge when I hear the chief's fight song.

[crazycoffey]

See, it doesn't matter if the two things actually tie together or not, you make it happen by using the Lexicon.

For instance, if anyone ever says "cat", it's obligatory that someone else mention "a bowl of antifreeze" within 5 posts or someone else must mention "this place has lost it's burst".

Ahhh, ok,




is there a list somewhere

[Simplex3]

Ahhh, ok,




is there a list somewhere
I could show it to you but then I'd have to kill you.

Truth be told it's how we know who is and is not a n00b.

Just pay attention and when you see something you don't understand ask. Remember, there are no stupid questions. Just stupid n00bs who ask them.

[crazycoffey]

I could show it to you but then I'd have to kill you.

Truth be told it's how we know who is and is not a n00b.

Just pay attention and when you see something you don't understand ask. Remember, there are no stupid questions. Just stupid n00bs who ask them.

shank you

I've been here so much, you'd think I would have picked up on more by now.

[crazycoffey]

I could show it to you but then I'd have to kill you.

Truth be told it's how we know who is and is not a n00b.

Just pay attention and when you see something you don't understand ask. Remember, there are no stupid questions. Just stupid n00bs who ask them.


So before the combo was Grape and Gatoraide?

[greg63]

I had some chinese, but likely won't crap til mornin.
You mean you won't open your mouth until then???

[Simplex3]

So before the combo was Grape and Gatoraide?
If something is going to be either "grape" or "gatorade", you should mix the two. It's a false reference to a drink luv was said to be fond of during the Great Mooo Affair of '06.

[crazycoffey]

If something is going to be either "grape" or "gatorade", you should mix the two. It's a false reference to a drink luv was said to be fond of during the Great Mooo Affair of '06.


Well, thanks for saving me back there, I certainly do not want this thread to lose it's burst.

[Simplex3]

Well, thanks for saving me back there, I certainly do not want this thread to lose it's burst.
Well played. :clap:


Now don't make me stab you in the face.

[crazycoffey]

After some spicey cajun wings and greasy buttery popcorn, choked down with rolling rock I could feel a rumble in my tummy.

[crazycoffey]

yup it's a rumble, my next post on this thread will be post-turdulance

[Buck]

yup it's a rumble, my next post on this thread will be post-turdulance

WAIT, TAKE A LAPTOP WITH YOU!!!

[Simply Red]

I have done everything today but craped. It is getting very old very fast. I assure you upon my next thorough poop. I will dig up this thread and give everyone the play by play.

[Simply Red]

yup it's a rumble, my next post on this thread will be post-turdulance

remember between wiping and flushing. Simplex is fairly firm on these rules.

[FDS]

What the hell is going on here?


PBJ FirstDownSamie PBJ

[Craash]

See, it doesn't matter if the two things actually tie together or not, you make it happen by using the Lexicon.

For instance, if anyone ever says "cat", it's obligatory that someone else mention "a bowl of antifreeze" within 5 posts or someone else must mention "this place has lost it's burst".


UNLESS, the cat is eating nachos, then it may stand on it's own.

[Simplex3]

What the hell is going on here?


PBJ FirstDownSamie PBJ
Jeezus Christ! WHO LEFT THE F**KING SCREEN DOOR OPEN AND LET ALL THE n00bs IN?!?!?

[Buck]

What the hell is going on here?


PBJ FirstDownSamie PBJ

Get this guy some damn Antifreeze. Look at his avatar. Damn You.

[Simplex3]

UNLESS, the cat is eating nachos, then it may stand on it's own.
Hey, do you remember the origin of "stab them in the face"?

[Craash]

Hey, do you remember the origin of "stab them in the face"?


Of course I do, do you think I've lost my burst??

[FDS]

I crawled in the open bedroom window. Your mom is a real nice lady...er woman


PBJ FirstDownSamie PBJ

[Simplex3]

Of course I do, do you think I've lost my burst??
So tell ME.

[Simplex3]

I crawled in the open bedroom window. Your mom is a real nice lady...er woman


PBJ FirstDownSamie PBJ
You let her do you in the butt, didn't you?

[Simply Red]

You let her do you in the butt, didn't you?
ROFL :clap: :deevee:

[Simplex3]

You let her do you in the butt, didn't you?

[Simply Red]

Where'd ya get the shimmering smiley? I like...

[Simplex3]

Where'd ya get the shimmering smiley? I like...
It's my "shudder" smiley. We need that added badly.

[HemiEd]

If something is going to be either "grape" or "gatorade", you should mix the two. It's a false reference to a drink luv was said to be fond of during the Great Mooo Affair of '06.

ROFL Is that any thing like the flood of '47? :hmmm:

[Mecca]

If something is going to be either "grape" or "gatorade", you should mix the two. It's a false reference to a drink luv was said to be fond of during the Great Mooo Affair of '06.

**** I almost though that post said GAPE and I was gonna be like "uh WTF is luv into"

[Phobia]

It is with deep regret that I inform you my bowels will not be moving this evening. They generally move at 11:30 AM and 2:30 PM so despite the extra chow this evening, you'll be force to wait until tomorrow for the story. Please tune in at 11:30 AM for the capers of the capers.

[HemiEd]

Mine will be about 10 minutes after that first cup of coffee, 6ish tomorrow morning.

[Simplex3]

It is with deep regret that I inform you my bowels will not be moving this evening. They generally move at 11:30 AM and 2:30 PM so despite the extra chow this evening, you'll be force to wait until tomorrow for the story. Please tune in at 11:30 AM for the capers of the capers.
Dude, what are the origins of "stab them in the face"?

[Phobia]

Dude, what are the origins of "stab them in the face"?

I can see that you're interested in my dook.

http://67.18.68.69/BB/attachment.php?attachmentid=64862&stc=1

[Simplex3]

I can see that you're interested in my dook.
Do you have any idea how many references for that come up?

BTW, we really need to get that Lexicon wiki up somewhere.

[Phobia]

Well, I limited my search to a year and older.

From what I can see, Rausch was the first person to use it if the ChiefsPlanet database is to be believed.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA

[Simplex3]

Well, I limited my search to a year and older.

From what I can see, Rausch was the first person to use it if the ChiefsPlanet database is to be believed.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA
Huh. If that's the true origin then "stab her in the face" sucks. :shake:

[crazycoffey]

OK, just felt the rumble

started to french kiss my undies and ran to the bathroom.

I just sat down, and am currently ridding my bladder of all the pale ale I drank tonight.

[crazycoffey]

While the build up is expanding, I just remembered the old poem on so many dirty public stalls.

Here is sit all broken hearted,
Tried to shit but only farted.


that's because the first rip just came out

[crazycoffey]

holy cow, first child (or seal team as some army buddies have called them) has deployed.

I knew going outside earlier to spread some salt for the ice would come back to haunt me.

I waited so long for this, that this first one had some tremendous force to it. I know this by the sound of "plink" when the turd fired into the toilet. It even splashed some of the water back on my ass - right on the hole......

yes the water is cold.

[L.A. Chieffan]

alota times i'll use my q phone while im dropping the kids off at the pool. a little easier that schlepping around my laptop

[crazycoffey]

alota times i'll use my q phone while im dropping the kids off at the pool. a little easier that schlepping around my laptop


scroll back to the top and read what thread you are in.

[L.A. Chieffan]

scroll back to the top and read what thread you are in.
wadda mean? don't we talk about our crap in every thread?

[crazycoffey]

second guy is stuck. Rock hard and now with this weather the corn is probably starting to freeze.

I just let out a pretty good growl to get the rest of that turtle head out. The smell hasn't really hit me, maybe there isn't much of one.

One thing's for sure, those "no wipers" we were talking about earlier.....

.....Yeah, that didn't happen.

[crazycoffey]

wadda mean? don't we talk about our crap in every thread?


it's still a little different.....

excuse me...


.... This time....

[crazycoffey]

pause time for some more pee to come out of the bladder, but the second part is past and now number three prepares for departure.

[crazycoffey]

part three, or the third child is now out, not near as tough, kinda like what I would imagine sh*tting playdough would feel like.

the odor is still very faint, sorta of spicy, but not as unpleasant as I've ever been before.

Time for the wipe, please excuse me while I put the computer down.

[crazycoffey]

alright nothing spectacular about the wiping or flushing aspect, but I do want to note,

It was a good shit, one that really lets you remember what you are doing. I think I may have even jeet a bit with that sh*t. It fought hard, but I put it in it's place.

[Phobia]

Okay, so I'm a little late but I'm feeling the pressure of the bowels. It's almost time.

I didn't have a cup of coffee until almost 10:00 so I think that may explain the delay this morning.

[Phobia]

I just unleashed a furious gascious cloud. It was very small. I didn't want to let the entire explosion loose due to the turtle factor. I intend to close the laptop and make my way towards the head. I'll likely walk slightly hunched over as the pressure has increased significantly.

[Phobia]

I'm planted on the launching pad.

[Phobia]

I'm still straining.

[Phobia]

I grasped my right cheek and slightly hitched it up onto the seat to make way for the initial drop.

[Phobia]

The initial raider fan was fairly large and firm. I felt much relief upon expulsion.

[Phobia]

The second charge was rabbit pellets. There were 4 or 5 distinct plops in the water.

[Phobia]

My satisfaction level after the rabbit release was ambivolence.

[Phobia]

I'm not quite finished. Secondary and tertiary explosions remain of the rabbit terd variety. I know I have one final push to reach the final destination.

[Phobia]

There is no odor - not that I can tell. Perhaps I'll summon other members of my family.

[Phobia]

I've just urinated. That is unusual for me. I generally urinate during the event or even before. I think I waited on this movement too long.

[Phobia]

My wife agrees, there is no odor this time.

[Phobia]

Attempting final push - without success, experienced slight head rush. I'll muster up another burst of energy momentarily.

[Simplex3]

My wife agrees, there is no odor this time.
LMAO

Dear God, poor Pink...

[Phobia]

I've repositioned my cheeks on the seat. Perhaps this will help the last bit down the chute.

[Phobia]

Still no success. I'm now chugging coffee - I know I need this last drop so I'm not sitting back here in an hour.

[Phobia]

I turned on the light and peeked between my legs. The waste is gathered at the very bottom of the bowl. My traditional skid at the back of the toilet is not there. I must need more fiber.

The gathering reminds me of a plate of fried calamari though the color is slightly more butterscotch than fried breading.

[Phobia]

I'm not looking forward to this wipe. I look at the remaining toilet paper. There is approximately 1/3rd of a roll left. I breath a sigh of relief. My wife is not a good toilet paper retriever. While I'm generally happy to sit on the toilet reading a book or browsing the internet for up to 45 minutes, when I'm ready for the TP I'm ready NOW. Since my wife knows I spend such a significant time on the toilet she does not feel like fetching my toilet paper is a priority.

[Phobia]

I'm giving up the final push. I guess I'll be sitting here again later this afternoon. Commence the cleansing procedure.

[crazycoffey]

My wife agrees, there is no odor this time.


that sounds like my wife too, she'll come in and sit on my lap while I'm deploying a seal team

[Phobia]

I pull off roughly 3 feet of Charmin. I'm a folder. I fold it in half and then half again.

[OnTheWarpath15]

that sounds like my wife too, she'll come in and sit on my lap while I'm deploying a seal team


:shake:

[Phobia]

I lift my right cheek and wipe with my right hand. A healthy dose of excretement comes back on the toilet paper. I definitely need more fiber. I fold the TP over the waste and go back for more.

[Phobia]

I've now wiped 4 times. Feces still appears on the white TP each time. The Charmin has remained strong each time - none of my fingers have protruded through the paper and come back brown. I'm retiring this loyal piece of TP and taking approximately 2 feet of her sisters for another go at my rectum.

[Phobia]

The first wipe with the 2nd piece comes back with a minor skid. The second, third, and fourth efforts are all dry. I feel comfortable that my anus is clean so I'll stand up and pull the up the pants upon submission of this reply.

[Phobia]

As I gaze down into the bowl, I can see the water is a very pale yellow from the urine. The 2 slices of TP are off to the side so I can observe the entire load of feces gathered at the bottom of the American Standard Champion. It is not a significant amount - perhaps only 12 ounces. I'm rather disappointed. Obviously I'll be sharing again in 3 hours.

I close the lid.

I flush.

The Champion hands it with ease.

I open the lid. No skid marks whatsoever.

[Simplex3]

:clap:

After only two submissions in this experiment I'm going to call it a huge success. Poop blogging is the new poop thread.

:clap:

[Phobia]

I noticed a slight post-flush odor.

I washed my hands.

I sprayed disinfectant on my keyboard.

Now I'm back in my chair posting again.

[crazycoffey]

:clap:

After only two submissions in this experiment I'm going to call it a huge success. Poop blogging is the new poop thread.

:clap:


Would it be alright if I were to suggest a sticky, so this thread may be readily available to future poopers?

[Simplex3]

Would it be alright if I were to suggest a sticky, so this thread may be readily available to future poopers?
No no. That's what bookmarks and search are for.

[crazycoffey]

Okayyyyyy

[Phobia]

Wow - I feel so much better and classy at the same time.

[2112]

Wow - I feel so much better and classy at the same time.
Give everybody play by play the next time you have to change Clayton's diapers.. :p

[Phobia]

I just exploded. I'm sorry I didn't have an opportunity to pre-warn you. My eyes are still watering.

It tastes a little bit spicy around my butt hole. The slight air movement inside of the toilet feels strangely cool and makes it hurt. I'm scared to look down because I know it's messy. I'm sure the bowl will require a brush to return to its previously white state.

The stench is awful. It's making me a bit nausious. I wouldn't want to follow me into this bathroom. I'll be certain to spray.... heavily. I dread wiping. I know it will soak through and onto my fingers. I wish I had a monitor on the wall so I could follow the Colts/Ravens.

I've been through for several minutes, but I'm allowing it to drip-dry. Hopefully I haven't missed too much of the game.

I'm bravely looking between my legs now..... there's a gigantic white log in there.... oh, wait. Sorry about that.

The water is murkey and I can't see a thing. Fortunately there's only one small splatter above the waterline. I hope the powerful flush will take it away.

[Hammock Parties]

This is interesting. My excretory sessions are usually shorter and more painful. I'm a power shitter.

[crazycoffey]

I'm not drunk enough to say anything else, but I'm bored and looking through some past threads, found this one and since I am currently stinking up my bathroom, thought it would be a nice bump

It's kinda an oily, and irritating pungent odor.