Rain Man
04-27-2007, 06:21 PM
Hypothetical Situation:*
On one particularly cold winter night, when the wolves are howling and the tendrils of icy fog are rising from the lawn and bears are coming out of hibernation just to steal parkas from hunters, you and your loving spouse decide to go on a tropical cruise. You buy the tickets, you both pack your stuff, including your family collection of clothing and toys that are illegal in seven southern states and Utah, and you head off to Aruba for seven days and six nights of beachcombing, water sports, and clinking champagne glasses under enormous tropical moons while dressed in tuxedos and evening gowns.
On Day 4, tragedy strikes. You forget to put sunscreen on the part of your ankles barely below the sock line, and after a day of fun and sun you have bad burns that are going to still be visible months from now. You hobble to your cabin to apply sunscreen, and then come back up to the deck.
Then a second tragedy strikes. As your loving spouse turns to look lovingly at you, he/she is struck from behind by a flying fish and is knocked overboard. You rush to his/her aid, and reach the rail just in time to see him/her get attacked by a large number of sharks, electric eels, box jellyfish, seagoing piranha, orcas, giant squid, and at least one very angry sea cucumber. Before your horrified eyes, your spouse succumbs to this attack, and before you can retrieve the body, a giant white sperm whale bursts from the water, eats it, and disappears, looking you directly in the eye with a sense of defiance as it leaves.
You swear that you will someday gain vengeance upon the great white whale, but first things first. You finish the cruise (no sense in wasting the money), then go home and arrange for the funeral.
Your spouse's will called for his/her high school yearbook photo to be prominently displayed at his/her funeral, because your spouse thought it was the best picture ever taken of him/her, and even though you disagree and thought his/her hair was kind of dated and goofy, you have a commitment to honor the request.
You begin digging through his/her closet to find the yearbook, and as you dig, you discover underneath his/her old band camp paraphernalia a small box about the size of a terrier but without the legs that is very fancy. It's also locked with a big padlock on it and has the message, "[Your name here], Don't EVER Open This Box!".
Curious, you take the box to the garage and retrieve the tiny box of lockpicking tools that you purchased back when you had briefly considered a career in escape artistry. The tiny box has a sharp corner, and you pound it and pound it and pound it on the lock until the lock breaks.
You open the box, and inside you find your spouse's diary (if female) or journal (if male). The diary/journal contains, in your spouse's handwriting, a factual record of an act to be described in the accompanying poll.
For each act described in the poll, would you consider that your spouse "cheated" on you, or not?
Poll to follow as soon as all of these prostitutes leave my office.
*Donger's thread about spousal cheating (and to a lesser extent, blueballs' thread about testicular massage) got me thinking about this topic.
Definitions and Criteria:
1. All actions take place between your spouse and another person of your gender. No girl/girl action which would make all of this stuff not just okay, but exciting.
2. "Close emotional relationship" means that they shared discussions that are normally only reserved for spouses, about things like feelings and stuff.
3. In all cases, the act described represents the pinnacle of the behavior, and nothing "more intimate", according to your own definition of that term, occurred.
4. Assume that all acts occurred after you were married.
5. Assume that any of the other people involved were described in the diary journal generically, so that you can't identify them.
On one particularly cold winter night, when the wolves are howling and the tendrils of icy fog are rising from the lawn and bears are coming out of hibernation just to steal parkas from hunters, you and your loving spouse decide to go on a tropical cruise. You buy the tickets, you both pack your stuff, including your family collection of clothing and toys that are illegal in seven southern states and Utah, and you head off to Aruba for seven days and six nights of beachcombing, water sports, and clinking champagne glasses under enormous tropical moons while dressed in tuxedos and evening gowns.
On Day 4, tragedy strikes. You forget to put sunscreen on the part of your ankles barely below the sock line, and after a day of fun and sun you have bad burns that are going to still be visible months from now. You hobble to your cabin to apply sunscreen, and then come back up to the deck.
Then a second tragedy strikes. As your loving spouse turns to look lovingly at you, he/she is struck from behind by a flying fish and is knocked overboard. You rush to his/her aid, and reach the rail just in time to see him/her get attacked by a large number of sharks, electric eels, box jellyfish, seagoing piranha, orcas, giant squid, and at least one very angry sea cucumber. Before your horrified eyes, your spouse succumbs to this attack, and before you can retrieve the body, a giant white sperm whale bursts from the water, eats it, and disappears, looking you directly in the eye with a sense of defiance as it leaves.
You swear that you will someday gain vengeance upon the great white whale, but first things first. You finish the cruise (no sense in wasting the money), then go home and arrange for the funeral.
Your spouse's will called for his/her high school yearbook photo to be prominently displayed at his/her funeral, because your spouse thought it was the best picture ever taken of him/her, and even though you disagree and thought his/her hair was kind of dated and goofy, you have a commitment to honor the request.
You begin digging through his/her closet to find the yearbook, and as you dig, you discover underneath his/her old band camp paraphernalia a small box about the size of a terrier but without the legs that is very fancy. It's also locked with a big padlock on it and has the message, "[Your name here], Don't EVER Open This Box!".
Curious, you take the box to the garage and retrieve the tiny box of lockpicking tools that you purchased back when you had briefly considered a career in escape artistry. The tiny box has a sharp corner, and you pound it and pound it and pound it on the lock until the lock breaks.
You open the box, and inside you find your spouse's diary (if female) or journal (if male). The diary/journal contains, in your spouse's handwriting, a factual record of an act to be described in the accompanying poll.
For each act described in the poll, would you consider that your spouse "cheated" on you, or not?
Poll to follow as soon as all of these prostitutes leave my office.
*Donger's thread about spousal cheating (and to a lesser extent, blueballs' thread about testicular massage) got me thinking about this topic.
Definitions and Criteria:
1. All actions take place between your spouse and another person of your gender. No girl/girl action which would make all of this stuff not just okay, but exciting.
2. "Close emotional relationship" means that they shared discussions that are normally only reserved for spouses, about things like feelings and stuff.
3. In all cases, the act described represents the pinnacle of the behavior, and nothing "more intimate", according to your own definition of that term, occurred.
4. Assume that all acts occurred after you were married.
5. Assume that any of the other people involved were described in the diary journal generically, so that you can't identify them.