El Damn-o

[Rain Man]

I found out this morning that a friend of mine committed suicide.

She and I worked together for about five years, and we were part of the fight when my psycho ex-boss took over that company. She was one of the good guys. She thought that a group of us could overrun him and keep the ship afloat and ethical. I thought differently, and we had a lot of discussions about it. I left amidst an open war with the psycho, she stayed, and they gave her the first partnership offer after I turned mine down. I thought it was a huge mistake to accept it, but she did.

Right about that time, her mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. She stayed at that company for a few more years, and apparently just ground to a halt. She was the sole caregiver of her mother, and work was going badly from the little I heard.

She stopped talking to me not long after I left that company, which was quite sad. Wouldn't return e-mails, wouldn't return calls. I figured it was just because of the work rift stuff, and a lot of it probably was, but I never dreamed that things were that bad for her internally, that something like this would happen. She was bright and resilient, and a great person.

Apparently she cared for her mother until she had to be institutionalized for good this past week, and then she killed herself afterwards.

Dammit. I would've helped her. I would've given her a job. Whatever. It shouldn't have turned out like this.

[Phobia]

Ouch. My condolences to you and her family. Suicide is NEVER the answer.

[MOhillbilly]

you gotta really wanna die to kill yourself.

[crazycoffey]

that is some sucky news man. Thoughts and prayers for her family and for you to Mr. Rainman.

[Simply Red]

Sad.

[kepp]

Wow. Sorry to hear that RM.

[Buehler445]

Sorry to hear that Rain Man. That is terrible. Thoughts and prayers for you buddy.

[bogie]

I can't imagine being so miserable I would want to kill myself. Her life must have seriously sucked. I'm sorry for the pain she was in and I'm sorry for her family.

[ZepSinger]

Condolences and prayers on the loss, Kevin. Just last week, one of my wife's female classmates attempted to commit suicide. The doctors had just given her husband 3 years to live(cancer), and apparently she couldn't take it.

However; in my wife's friends' case, she attempted suicide by shooting herself in the stomach, which in my opinion is more a cry for help than truly trying to end it all. Hopefully, she can now receive the console she needs.

In all cases, these stories are heartbreakingly tragic...

Z

[cdcox]

I'm really sorry to hear this, Rain Man. You were a good friend. It's a real shame she didn't keep in touch with you. On the other hand, it could be that virtually all of her dispair was centered on her mom's condition, her exhaustion from providing care, and irrational guilt for having to put her in an institution, and that nothing you or anyone else could have done would have made a difference.

Once again, I'm very sorry for your loss.

[Radar Chief]

Truly sorry for your loss, Rain Man.

[ct]

Very sorry RainMan!

We all get too wrapped up in our own problems, but we cannot forget our friends. Friends are there to help, you just have to let them.

[stevieray]

How horrible...its very difficult to find reason and closure to these kinds of tragedies.

Thoughts and prayers to you and her family.

[DaFace]

Sorry to hear about this, Kevin. You and her family are in my thoughts.

[Lzen]

That sucks, kevin. Prayers for you.

[chasedude]

It's interesting that she waited to do it until after her mother was institutionalized. Suicide is not the answer.

[Braincase]

My condolensces. Sucks when you know you could've made a difference in someone's life if they would've given you the chance.

[munkey]

It's interesting that she waited to do it until after her mother was institutionalized. Suicide is not the answer.

My Uncle commited suicide when I was just a kid...He we just finishing his residence in San Fran when he tied the tubes on a woman that he felt was unfit to have children (typical drug user, on welfare with 8 childeren already). Not that that was a good reason to do it BUT the head nurse threatened to turn him in costing him everything he'd worked for. From what I understand he was a bright guy but it's hard for me to believe one can be so desperate or depressed that it's the only option...especially when you have two young boys.

Both my cousins are pretty screwed up...sad really.

[ROYC75]

Sad to hear Kev.....keep your spirits up, you have our thoughts and prayers.

[big nasty kcnut]

Sorry to hear that Kevin. Thoughts and prayers

[Reerun_KC]

Sorry Dude, Thoughts and prayers!

[Rain Man]

It's interesting that she waited to do it until after her mother was institutionalized. Suicide is not the answer.

You've hit upon my theory. For some reason, I'm doubting that this was caused by depression over her mother's situation so much as she was just waiting to do it until her mother was taken care of.

It's just a shocker. I realize that I've never lost a friend. My only losses are three grandparents and an uncle, and with older relatives I think there's always an underlying acceptance that it's going to happen, so it's not so much of a surprise. This woman was my age, polished, bright, and had a lot going for her.

[StcChief]

Bummer. The Shock will keep you wondering...

Some recent closer co-workers may have seen signs.

Might be worth a chat with them to get closure.

[teedubya]

sorry to hear about this, Rain Man. Sucks when people feel so helpless that their only percieved option is self imposed death. unreal. Life is too fun... bummer that some don't see life as the blessing that it is.

[Rain Man]

Bummer. The Shock will keep you wondering...

Some recent closer co-workers may have seen signs.

Might be worth a chat with them to get closure.

I don't even know if she was working. Last I'd heard, she had left her most recent job to care for her mother full-time.

An all-new awkward part of this will be going to the funeral. I suspect that my psycho ex-boss and his two remaining spineless underlings will be there, because the cretin actively tries to create the illusion that he actually cares about people. An already stressful situation is going to be a lot worse.

[TinyEvel]

Wow, Kev. Sorry to hear that.

I've had one person in my life commit suicide, and we were all left feeling confused and somewhat responsible. At the funeral, the pastor (who was actually the brother of the deceased) said something that has really stuck with me. He said "We owe him t his: let's not spend our days trying to figure out or speculate why he killed himself. Only he truly knows that answer. He had pains none of us will ever know. Let's instead remember the person we knew and loved. And the times we shared with him."

I suddenly felt selfish that we were all standing around like CSI trying to determine what it was that put him over the edge. The weird thing was, he had joked about it, and we all just figured he was joking.
Suicide hurts the survivors the most, I think.
Sorry to hear your story, Kev. God Bless.

[siberian khatru]

I don't even know if she was working. Last I'd heard, she had left her most recent job to care for her mother full-time.

An all-new awkward part of this will be going to the funeral. I suspect that my psycho ex-boss and his two remaining spineless underlings will be there, because the cretin actively tries to create the illusion that he actually cares about people. An already stressful situation is going to be a lot worse.

Just go up to him and calmly say, "Of course you know this is all your fault."

[Rain Man]

Just go up to him and calmly say, "Of course you know this is all your fault."

Sadly, I think that may not be too far off the mark. Seriously, this guy should not be allowed onto the premises.

Maybe instead of saying it, I'll just slip him a note.

[Coach]

My condolensces Kev.

[siberian khatru]

Sadly, I think that may not be too far off the mark. Seriously, this guy should not be allowed onto the premises.

Maybe instead of saying it, I'll just slip him a note.

Better yet, pin a note to the body in the casket that says "[Boss's name] made me do it."

[Rain Man]

Better yet, pin a note to the body in the casket that says "[Boss's name] made me do it."

I dunno. Do you think that may be pushing it too far?

I like the idea, but maybe I should think about it first.

I do like the idea, though.

[munkey]

Better yet, pin a note to the body in the casket that says "[Boss's name] made me do it."

Ya know the story on my Uncle was the head nurse was only trying to scare him...From what I understand she had nothing to say at his funeral.


Again...not that what she threatened warranted a shot gun to the mouth BUT...

[Rain Man]

Ya know the story on my Uncle was the head nurse was only trying to scare him...From what I understand she had nothing to say at his funeral.


Again...not that what she threatened warranted a shot gun to the mouth BUT...

While I secretly applaud at what the guy did, what in the world was he thinking? That's a massive lawsuit cleared for takeoff on Runway 1.

[munkey]

While I secretly applaud at what the guy did, what in the world was he thinking? That's a massive lawsuit cleared for takeoff on Runway 1.

Agree'd but this was the 70's and from what I understand she ( the mother) was happy with the procedure...


Today...different story.

[Rain Man]

Agree'd but this was the 70's and from what I understand she ( the mother) was happy with the procedure...


Today...different story.


So he told her? I assumed that this was secret vigilante sterilization.

[munkey]

So he told her? I assumed that this was secret vigilante sterilization.

Yep...

After the birth he informed her of his decision and why he did it (he knew her from previous child deliveries)...She apparently could not afford birth control and was a prostitute. I guess you can only take so much human stupidity..

Seems strange in my eyes too but that's the story.

[Adept Havelock]

Rain Man, my deepest sympathies. That's a tough blow.

The saddest words in the English Language..."if only...if only".

At the funeral, the pastor (who was actually the brother of the deceased) said something that has really stuck with me. He said "We owe him t his: let's not spend our days trying to figure out or speculate why he killed himself. Only he truly knows that answer. He had pains none of us will ever know. Let's instead remember the person we knew and loved. And the times we shared with him."


Thanks for sharing that TinyE. It really rings true.

[Simplex3]

Suicide is NEVER the answer.
Why?

[DaFace]

I got you a cake to try and cheer you up - it's in the office waiting for you. I have to warn you, though. It's halfway eaten and says something to the effect of:

Hap
Birt
Bet

[JohninGpt]

Dammit. I would've helped her. I would've given her a job. Whatever. It shouldn't have turned out like this.
No it shouldn't have, but don't think any of it is your fault because you shoulda, coulda, woulda. I know from experience, it'll just eat you up and it doesn't help anything or anyone. She ended her life, no one else. It's sad and it's a waste. That being said, my sincerest condolences, it's a hard pill to swallow.

[siberian khatru]

it's a hard pill to swallow.

Must ... resist ... tasteless, insensitive ... comment ...

[Zebedee DuBois]

That is, indeed, very sad news.

I had a friend, a year behind me in HS, that shot himself....over a girl. It is just so sad to see potential just vaporized.

There is some small comfort that her mother's condition prevents her from knowing.

[patteeu]

I'm sorry to hear that Rain Man. It sounds to me like she was probably in pain for a while but she had the character to stick it out until she couldn't take care of her mom anymore. It's really a sad deal though.

[listopencil]

You never know what another human being is going through. Sometimes a person hurts so much inside that they literally can't express it. I know that hurts you because you cared for this person. Hell, I think it's obvious that you are a very caring person in general. Don't beat yourself up over it. You can't save the world. All you can do is try to make your little corner of it a better place. If nothing else...know that your friend's pain has ended. Take care of yourself.

[KcMizzou]

Damn, I'm sorry to hear that.

Two people I work with commited suicide in the same year. Both seemed like normal, happy people.

One was my boss. Supposedly, it was after his wife discovered his mistress. (office rumors... you know how that goes) The other's wife left him, and he fell into depression and heavy drinking.

It's odd. You know it happens, but when it's someone you know, it's totally different. Makes you think.

[Phobia]

Why?
Because it hurts those who cared about you far worse than the suicidee could imagine.

I mean, if you're headed for a life sentence without possibility of parole or death row perhaps I could understand but even in prison extraordinary people can lead a productive life.

[Logical]

Kevin,

Man this stinks, I know first hand the hurt a friend can feel when someone they know chooses to take their own life. Just know that they were in a lot of emotional pain and most likely there was nothing you could have done to solve that. My deepest sympathy.

Jim

[listopencil]

Because it hurts those who cared about you far worse than the suicidee could imagine.



...I think a person who kills himself hurts more than we can possibly imagine. I don't know. We can consider how much pain we feel when we are left behind but do you think it is possible that our pain pales in comparison to the pain that the person killing themselves feel before they do it?

[HemiEd]

I feel your pain Kevin, very very sorry. I have had this happen twice over the years, it is a terrible thing.

[Rain Man]

So I went to the memorial service tonight.

I knew this gal from work, and a little bit socially. I was quite surprised to see a lot of people there from a number of different facets of her life. She had friends from high school, college, a couple of different jobs, a book club, and other stuff. While it was very nice to see, it made the suicide all the more of a mystery. This gal had a lot of friends and a good support network. Whatever happened was not a result of her being isolated and alone. That relieves a bit of guilt on my part, which is a selfish thing, but alas, I'm a self-centered person.

Speaking of self-centered, the psycho didn't show up, which was nice. This gal despised him as much as I did, so I'm not sure if he knew that and stayed away for that reason, or if he just didn't see a way to profit personally from attending. In fact, only two of the psycho's underlings even showed up, which was quite surprising. I would've expected that they would all show up out of common courtesy since she worked there for a decade or more.

My favorite story about her and the psycho: I spoke with a woman job seeker at one point, and she knew my work history. She said that she had been offered a job at the psycho's company. When she saw me raise my eyebrows and probably make a "trying not to vomit" face, she laughed. She said that when she got the job offer, she knew my friend (the suicide woman) and knew that she had worked there, but they had never spoken about it. So she called up my friend and said, "Hey, guess what? I got a job offer at [Psycho Company]. What do you think?"

My friend then said [and I quote verbatim], "What are you even thinking about that for? The man has no soul."

It's probably a lot funnier if you knew the people involved, but it made me guffaw.