Road trip story (NSFW)

[Demonpenz]

I thought about not sharing this, but figured I have been given a gift and thought it was funny. I was on my way back from what was a horrible springfield trip today. The trip was long and I was pretty hungover. Now like anyman I started to think about sex and porn. Then more specific getting road head. I started messing around with the steering wheel to see if is even possible in my small car. Then I thought about wacking off and the varibles It would take to do it while driving. So I was like well first off you need to have no belt on because you are already dealing with the seatbelt trying to get your unit above or below that one you don't need to be messing with two belts. Then you need to be on I-29 or some road that has some good stretches on it becase on the winding roads you don't have a good long stretch where you can just flat out beat it. In fact The road that I was on 13 would be the worst road ever to try to pull off this beatoff because half the time you are turning the other time people keep on coming up behind you and passing you. Now normally that wouldn't matter but some of them SUV and without tinted windows you run the risk of getting busted. Another annoying fact when your dealing with your SEMI are the passing semi's. Some trucker would probably join you in a sick side by side whackoff race. Athough the thought of jacking off and then after finishing blowing the huge Tractor trailor horn intrigues me. So I have come to the conclusion that is better just to wait or stop in your local dairy queen brazier to finish. It is not worth getting pulled over while pulling off, or getting an an accident.

[recxjake]

If I was you... I would hit the delete button now...

[mikeyis4dcats.]

W
T
F
?

[Direckshun]

It's entirely possible that this thread is headed for the Hall of Classics, so I'd like to just post early so I can be a part of history in the making.

[mikeyis4dcats.]

I thought about not sharing this, but figured I have been given a gift and thought it was funny. I was on my way back from what was a horrible springfield trip today. The trip was long and I was pretty hungover. Now like anyman I started to think about sex and porn. Then more specific getting road head. I started messing around with the steering wheel to see if is even possible in my small car. Then I thought about wacking off and the varibles It would take to do it while driving. So I was like well first off you need to have no belt on because you are already dealing with the seatbelt trying to get your unit above or below that one you don't need to be messing with two belts. Then you need to be on I-29 or some road that has some good stretches on it becase on the winding roads you don't have a good long stretch where you can just flat out beat it. In fact The road that I was on 13 would be the worst road ever to try to pull off this beatoff because half the time you are turning the other time people keep on coming up behind you and passing you. Now normally that wouldn't matter but some of them SUV and without tinted windows you run the risk of getting busted. Another annoying fact when your dealing with your SEMI are the passing semi's. Some trucker would probably join you in a sick side by side whackoff race. Athough the thought of jacking off and then after finishing blowing the huge Tractor trailor horn intrigues me. So I have come to the conclusion that is better just to wait or stop in your local dairy queen brazier to finish. It is not worth getting pulled over while pulling off, or getting an an accident.

for posterity.

[dtrain]

Damn Broncos fans :shake:

[dj56dt58]

Now normally that wouldn't matter but some of them SUV and without tinted windows you run the risk of getting busted.
You mean you don't like being watched?

[Demonpenz]

You mean you don't like being watched?


only if there is direct eye contact

[Dr. Johnny Fever]

Doesn't everyone beat it while driving?

[Dr. Johnny Fever]

You mean you don't like being watched?
No shit. I always thought that's what they meant by "half the fun is getting there."

[Direckshun]

I am incapable of beating it while driving. How on earth can you even "get there" knowing that you're driving a two ton death machine?

[Dr. Johnny Fever]

I am incapable of beating it while driving. How on earth can you even "get there" knowing that you're driving a two ton death machine?
Danger can be a thrill.

[Demonpenz]

the true show me state i guess

[Buehler445]

In Western Kansas you can run into HUGE straight stretches of road in which there is no one around. Never tried it though. I'd wreck, but not die. The cops would come and drag my paralyzed ass out of the car and wonder why my dingy was out and about, realize what was going on then drop me on my head, and wait for the paramedics to come.

My luck.

[Chiefspants]

Hmm...What gave you the urge to share this to everyone again? I mean, in the detail, seems you went to alot of trouble.

[Demonpenz]

Hmm...What gave you the urge to share this to everyone again? I mean, in the detail, seems you went to alot of trouble.


I do some open mic nights for stand up (badly). I had a shitty weekend the only thing that cheers me up is try to write some jokes. I don't really know if this would be that would be funny but I figured some here could run with it.

[Chiefspants]

Well, if there's anywhere to post that story, here would be one of those places.

[Demonpenz]

my problem is there really isn't and specific punch lines. Long story's seem to do bad unless you actually have punch line.

[Tribal Warfare]

What image would you use to quell this inconvience DemonPenz a person in your spankbank, Billboard advertisements, roadside signs, or the donkey head at the Carpet Barn?

[Demonpenz]

billboards for tanning places would be good.

[Demonpenz]

damn i guess we alreay had this thread.

[Direckshun]

I do some open mic nights for stand up (badly). I had a shitty weekend the only thing that cheers me up is try to write some jokes. I don't really know if this would be that would be funny but I figured some here could run with it.
Do you really do stand up? Really?

Did you do a gig here in Springfield?

[Bob Dole]

my problem is there really isn't and specific punch lines. Long story's seem to do bad unless you actually have punch line.

Or there's some humor in them.

[Demonpenz]

Or there's some humor in them.


well better know it now then to try it out.

[Demonpenz]

Do you really do stand up? Really?

Did you do a gig here in Springfield?


along time ago when I was in college

[luv]

Do you really do stand up? Really?

Did you do a gig here in Springfield?
That reminds me, I'm so depressed that Sir Gregory's shut down. It was the perfect place. Bar, decent food, sports, pools, darts, karaoke, comedy club, and it's close to where I live. :(

[Demonpenz]

old sir laugh alot

[KcMizzou]

This is the best thread ever.

I salute you, Sir Ninja Turtle.

[BigRedChief]

http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b143/courtneybear/myspace%20comments/masterbate1.gif

[luv]

http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b143/courtneybear/myspace%20comments/masterbate1.gif
I thought it was spelled with a u?

[kcfanintitanhell]

I'm not sure why this thread brought back this memory from college days, but it did.
A friend and I were walking down the street (most likely on the way to a bar) and saw this girl we both knew riding her bike on the opposite side of the street, heading toward us. Before we knew it, BAM!! She slams headon into a telephone pole. We both run across the street to see if she's OK, and she's laying there, dazed, tangled up with her bike. "Sarah, you all right"? my friend asks her...and she looks up at us with a grin and says, "I just can't have an orgasm on this bike seat and ride it at the same time".
God Bless you Sarah.
True story.

[Rain Man]

I do some open mic nights for stand up (badly). I had a shitty weekend the only thing that cheers me up is try to write some jokes. I don't really know if this would be that would be funny but I figured some here could run with it.


This is cool. I'd love to hear some of your jokes sometime.

[gblowfish]

And I thought talking on the cellphone and driving was dangerous.

New bumper sticker:

Put your pecker back in your pants
AND DRIVE

[wazu]

I thought it this was pretty damn funny. However, my wife wanted to know what I was laughing about, and I tried to tell her. She really didn't laugh that much. That's alright, I laughed loud enough for both of us.

[Rain Man]

And I thought talking on the cellphone and driving was dangerous.

New bumper sticker:

Put your pecker back in your pants
AND DRIVE


"I brake for orgasms."

"My penis is an honor student at Interstate 70 Elementary."

"I'm not just going, I'm coming."

"Honk if you like coitus interruptus."

"If this car's a swervin', it's cuz I'm perv'in'."

[Direckshun]

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Rain Man again.

[luv]

"If this car's a swervin', it's cuz I'm perv'in'."
This one is definitely my favorite. LMAO

[KcMizzou]

This one is definitely my favorite. LMAOThat's a classic.

LMAO

[Halfcan]

wow thanks for sharing that

[DaneMcCloud]

"I brake for orgasms."

"My penis is an honor student at Interstate 70 Elementary."

"I'm not just going, I'm coming."

"Honk if you like coitus interruptus."

"If this car's a swervin', it's cuz I'm perv'in'."

I saw bumper sticker the other day on the back of a chick's car while heading to the beach that read:

"If you're gonna ride my ass at least pull my hair"




Awesome...

[wutamess]

I do some open mic nights for stand up (badly). I had a shitty weekend the only thing that cheers me up is try to write some jokes. I don't really know if this would be that would be funny but I figured some here could run with it.


Where?
I'd like to see this sometime.

Not particulary you (sick perverted bastard) but the open mic stand up.

[Demonpenz]

Where?
I'd like to see this sometime.

Not particulary you (sick perverted bastard) but the open mic stand up.


Used to be a Stanford and sons over off of metcalf, but I talk to my friend that used to bartend there and he said the owners opened up a place in the legends. So I don't know if there is anyplace that has one now.

[luv]

Did you go by any truck stops? I wonder how much lot lizards charge?

[wutamess]

Did you go by any truck stops? I wonder how much lot lizards charge?

Good ?

My neighbor across the street drives a truck...
Just haven't thought to ask him how many he's nailed.

[Demonpenz]

I shaved my head tonight and i have a fu man chu Didn't want to create a personal thread but damn i look like st joe through and through tonight

[milkman]

And I thought talking on the cellphone and driving was dangerous.

New bumper sticker:

Put your pecker back in your pants
AND DRIVE

If you whack it, you wreck it.