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Rain Man
08-10-2007, 07:52 PM
I had orange jello and orange juice for dinner last night.

Why, you may ask?

Because of the squirrel.

I was informed upon arriving home from work last night that we had a tragedy on our front sidewalk. I went out, and saw a sight that would make any sensitive man weep.

An injured squirrel lay on the sidewalk, hurt, trying to move. He was alert, and his eyes moved to look at me, but he was motionless, lying on his right side. There were no visible injuries.

I bent down and asked him what happened. He was down, he was hurt, he didn't remember. I figured it was either bubonic plague, in which case I was going to die along with him, or he had slipped and fallen the 20 feet or so from the Maple tree to the sidewalk.

I had two choices at this point, because I couldn't just leave the injured fellow lying on the sidewalk. The Maple Tree Squirrels are a part of the family. I could either call animal control, who would certainly euthanize him, or I could get him some bed rest and hope that perhaps he had just fallen and was stunned. The key was whether his neck or back was broken.

He wasn't moving, and as with any accident your greatest fear is a broken back or neck. I did a quick check of vitals, and he tried to move, but could only partway move his upper body. A check of his back legs showed no sensitivity or movement. Bad sign. His eyes were alert and watching me, but he seemed to be barely conscious at the same time, and his eyes would slowly close if I stopped moving.

I checked his tail, and hooray! His tail whipped around. No broken back, apparently, though he still couldn't move.

I went to the garage and made a little tiny hospital gurney out of a towel and a paint roller tray. I put on some thick gardening gloves and came back out to the little fella. Gently, ever so gently, I picked him up and transferred him to the gurney. When I did so, I set him down on all four legs to see if there were any visible injuries to his right side. Good news - no protruding bones or anything.

At this point, a very positive sign happened. He actually took a few steps off of the gurney, but was still obviously very groggy. I went to pick him up and he actually very slowly tottered about ten feet. No apparent neck or back breaks, then.

At this point, my concern was still disease, or possibly internal injuries from the fall. However, if he could move, I figured he had a chance, which meant that I wouldn't call animal control. At least not tonight.

I picked him up and carried him to the maple tree, and held him up to the trunk. No dice. He never even tried to latch onto the bark. I then put him back onto the gurney and carried him up onto the front porch. He flopped back onto his right side and lay listless.

The problem at this point was safety from predators. I couldn't leave him in the front yard or on the porch, or he would be easy pickings for any passing dog or cat. But our back yard has two cats in it, and that would get ugly. So where to put him?

After some scouting, I remembered that we have a very small walking space between our garage and our neighbor's garage. It's about a foot wide, and is bordered by two garages, a fence, and a gate to our back yard. It's about 25 feet long, and actually stays pretty shady.

I crawled back behind the bushes, opened the gate, and set his gurney back there, along with a little cat kibble and a water dish, even though I wasn't sure if squirrels actually drink water. He lay there, and closed his eyes as I watched over him.

I figured I'd give him the night, and one of three things would happen in the morning. Either he'd be dead, in which case it would be clear that he'd been sick or injured fatally, or he'd still be lying there, in which case I would probably have to call animal control to have him euthanized, or best case, he'd be up and walking around, in which case he'd have a fighting chance. Hoping he wasn't in too much pain, I left him for the night. By that time, it was 10:30 p.m., too late for dinner, so I just scrounged for whatever I could find in the fridge.

This morning, I got ready for work, but my mind was still on my patient from the maple tree. When I was dressed, I went into the back yard, crawled behind the bushes, and gingerly opened the gate, only to find....

...the patient was gone.

I guess he must've slipped and fallen from his tree, and after a night of bed rest in his hospital gurney, he recovered enough to actually climb the fence and get out. Here's hoping that the little fella is back in the maple tree, recovering from his accident.

Now, if I remember my Aesop's fables correctly, at some point I'm going to be thrown into a gladiatorial ring against a squirrel, and we'll recognize each other and I won't be gnawed to death.

ROYC75
08-10-2007, 07:56 PM
Lil Buddy , You OK ?

Hammock Parties
08-10-2007, 07:58 PM
Awwwwwwwwwwwwww.

Skip Towne
08-10-2007, 07:59 PM
What a great story teller you are.

KcMizzou
08-10-2007, 07:59 PM
Didn't you once have a battle between squirrels and birds in your yard?

This casualty could be a sign of an impending critter world war.

Skip Towne
08-10-2007, 08:07 PM
Are they red or gray squirrels?

StcChief
08-10-2007, 08:08 PM
F'in tree rats....

Jenson71
08-10-2007, 08:12 PM
Beautiful. One of my teachers had a friend who was handicapped, and the disability required him to walk with two crutches. The two were walking in Iowa City when they came upon a squirrel merrily running around. As they walked nearer to the squirrel (not in a threatening way) the friend slightly reached out with one of his crutches.

"Isn't nature beautiful, Patrick?" he gently reflected.

At that moment, the squirrel jumped from the tree and landed on the crutch, clenching his little paws with all his might, and the friend shrieked and shook his crutch in wild desperation. "IT'S ****ING RABID! IT'S ****ING RABID!!" he screamed.

So I guess you take the good with the bad.

Rain Man
08-10-2007, 08:12 PM
Didn't you once have a battle between squirrels and birds in your yard?

This casualty could be a sign of an impending critter world war.


Yes, I did. The great Squirrel-Crow War of 2002. I'm impressed that you remembered.

I didn't suspect foul play, but I guess it's quite possible that this little guy did not fall, but rather was pushed. However, I didn't see it, so I can't comment.

And Skip, they're gray squirrels.

cdcox
08-10-2007, 08:17 PM
I hate squirrels because they do not show a proper fear of humans. Now I know why.

Skip Towne
08-10-2007, 08:17 PM
Yes, I did. The great Squirrel-Crow War of 2002. I'm impressed that you remembered.

I didn't suspect foul play, but I guess it's quite possible that this little guy did not fall, but rather was pushed. However, I didn't see it, so I can't comment.

And Skip, they're gray squirrels.
I have rabbits and squirrels who inhabit my yard. I love watching them. I've never seen either baby rabbits or baby squirrels. I wonder why not.

Bob Dole
08-10-2007, 08:18 PM
Bob Dole had to help a crazy faculty member catch and transport an injured squirrel once.

Are you crazy, too?

KcMizzou
08-10-2007, 08:19 PM
Yes, I did. The great Squirrel-Crow War of 2002. I'm impressed that you remembered.

I didn't suspect foul play, but I guess it's quite possible that this little guy did not fall, but rather was pushed. However, I didn't see it, so I can't comment.

Wow, that long ago, eh?

Oddly enough, I can barely remember my own phone number.

gblowfish
08-10-2007, 10:07 PM
We have big maple trees and lots of squirrels and rabbits in the neighborhood. Also big ass racoons. One tore its way onto my screened in porch last night to eat cat food. He must have been really hungry because of the heat. Never torn through the screen before. Have to be careful not to leave any cat food out overnight from now on.

Good job helping Mr. Squirrel. I love watching them play in the yard. They've never done any damage to my house or yard, so I like them a lot. They've lived in our big maple trees ( I have two huge ones) since I was a kid.

Hammock Parties
08-10-2007, 10:22 PM
You know, technically it should be "The Squirrel and I."

mikey23545
08-10-2007, 10:24 PM
You're a good man, Kevin....

Jenson71
08-10-2007, 10:25 PM
You know, technically it should be "The Squirrel and I."

You sure? It's not the "The Squirrel and Me"?

kepp
08-10-2007, 10:32 PM
...

Gonzo
08-10-2007, 11:51 PM
Oddly enough, Squirrel season just started in Nebraska.

T-post Tom
08-11-2007, 12:12 AM
I can still recall old Mister Blarney getting out every morning and nailing a fresh load of squirrels to the old board of his. Then he'd spin it round and round, like a wheel of fortune, and no matter where it stopped he'd yell out, "Squirrels! Squirrels is a winner!" We all thought he was crazy. But then we had some growing up to do.

T-post Tom
08-11-2007, 12:16 AM
Beautiful. One of my teachers had a friend who was handicapped, and the disability required him to walk with two crutches. The two were walking in Iowa City when they came upon a squirrel merrily running around. As they walked nearer to the squirrel (not in a threatening way) the friend slightly reached out with one of his crutches.

"Isn't nature beautiful, Patrick?" he gently reflected.

At that moment, the squirrel jumped from the tree and landed on the crutch, clenching his little paws with all his might, and the friend shrieked and shook his crutch in wild desperation. "IT'S ****ING RABID! IT'S ****ING RABID!!" he screamed.

So I guess you take the good with the bad.

Dropping acid & watching Sponge Bob has it's benefits. Nice.

Rain Man
08-11-2007, 12:49 AM
You know, technically it should be "The Squirrel and I."

Liar. You weren't even there.

blueballs
08-11-2007, 01:13 AM
It was all a ploy
the neighborhood skunk was getting
busy with your cats while you were playing Vet

sedated
08-11-2007, 03:05 AM
I'm scared shitless of squirrels.

Alton deFlat
10-15-2007, 09:53 AM
Maybe your neighbor launched the squirrel into your yard, and that's the reason for his listlessness.

<embed width="448" height="361" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" src="http://i67.photobucket.com/player.swf?file=http://vid67.photobucket.com/albums/h319/cheffi1/SquirrelRelocater_1.flv"></embed>

Dartgod
10-15-2007, 10:03 AM
Maybe your neighbor launched the squirrel into your yard, and that's the reason for his listlessness.

<embed width="448" height="361" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" src="http://i67.photobucket.com/player.swf?file=http://vid67.photobucket.com/albums/h319/cheffi1/SquirrelRelocater_1.flv"></embed>

Holy Shit! I should feel bad, but I can't help laughing at that.....a lot.

tooge
10-15-2007, 10:05 AM
Lol at that video. Properly seasoned and slow cooked, squirrel is actually rather good in stew

ChiTown
10-15-2007, 10:08 AM
Holy Shit! I should feel bad, but I can't help laughing at that.....a lot.


color me fkd up, because I heartily lol'd at that one. ROFL

Fish
10-15-2007, 10:14 AM
http://blacksbeach.org/hawk10.jpg

He was airlifted out of there early the next morning.....

allen_kcCard
10-15-2007, 10:23 AM
Maybe I missed something, but how did all that result in you having orange jello and orange juice?

Is that some kind of code talk for you trying to see if anyone secretly frequents the orange mane or something?

Adept Havelock
10-15-2007, 10:49 AM
I can still recall old Mister Blarney getting out every morning and nailing a fresh load of squirrels to the old board of his. Then he'd spin it round and round, like a wheel of fortune, and no matter where it stopped he'd yell out, "Squirrels! Squirrels is a winner!" We all thought he was crazy. But then we had some growing up to do.


ROFL

Jack Handey rules.

Iowanian
10-15-2007, 11:04 AM
He likely crawled somewhere difficult for you to find, but maximizing the odor in your home when it dies.

A whack with a stick could have saved you both so much pain in this situation.

ChiTown
10-15-2007, 11:06 AM
He likely crawled somewhere difficult for you to find, but maximizing the odor in your home when it dies.

A whack with a stick could have saved you both so much pain in this situation.

Why take a chance breaking the stick. The heal of your boot across the skull of the varmint works just fine..........

Mr. Plow
10-15-2007, 11:09 AM
Every time an animal story like this pops up, I have to post this......


Animals are against us (http://www.vaguebuttrue.com/bt2_2216m.wav)

Fire Me Boy!
10-15-2007, 11:13 AM
I think what obviously happened was LJ raped the small rodent.

Phobia
10-15-2007, 12:02 PM
I thought for sure this story was going to include tons of lube and an embarrassing trip to the ER.

Phobia
10-15-2007, 12:04 PM
"Honestly, doc - my shower was interrupted by an untimely bicycle thief and when I ran outside to confront him, I slipped on a banana peel and landed on the rodent."

tooge
10-15-2007, 12:08 PM
This post could have been so much more of only the rodent in question was a gerbil.

Kylo Ren
10-16-2007, 01:46 PM
Where did Rainman's squirrel go?

Pancakes anyone?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=487915&in_page_id=1770

Rain Man
10-16-2007, 01:49 PM
I never heard back from the squirrel. No card, nothing.

Smed1065
10-16-2007, 07:51 PM
I never heard back from the squirrel. No card, nothing.

It was probably a dungver fan squirrel. It was probably a trap and they forgot the plan or got scared.


:)

tonyetony
10-16-2007, 08:57 PM
I've been down this road before. You must find the source of fermentation or...............

You'll have a bunch of cats in the same condition, kind of like eating rum balls at your christmas parties.

And then....... come the stupified dogs from eating the cats.

And then....... come the stupified asians from .......oh forget it.

Really the squirrel was drunk.

tonyetony
10-16-2007, 09:05 PM
One more thing Rainman.

If you find me in this condition under your maple tree when you get home, I didn't fall out of your tree, I wasn't visiting Mrs. Rainwoman, just place my head in the paint tray hammock and give me one more beer! Please.

L.A. Chieffan
10-16-2007, 09:18 PM
I heard if you plant squirrel carcasses in your garden you get excellent fruits and vegetables.
True story

Easy 6
10-16-2007, 09:25 PM
You're a good man, Kevin....