Chest Rockwell
08-17-2007, 12:14 PM
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=gallo/070817&sportCat=nfl&lpos=spotlight&lid=tab5pos1
Some cheese, but otherwise pretty funny. Except the Donkeys notes...all that stuff seems factual and accurate:
AFC West
Denver Broncos: Coaches say new Broncos running back Travis Henry has all the tools necessary to thrive in Denver's system. He has legs. And also arms, a torso and a head. The only thing Henry needs to work on are ethical issues over his blockers taking out the knees of his would-be tacklers … Head coach Mike Shanahan has completed his preseason regimen of chemical injections to get his skin to a glowing Broncos Orange … According to numerous media reports, Jay Cutler is the greatest quarterback of all-time.
Kansas City Chiefs: The Chiefs were featured on HBO's "Hard Knocks" series this preseason, which provided viewers with a behind-the-scenes look at how Kansas City will go about underutilizing Tony Gonzalez this year … If Brodie Croyle or Damon Huard doesn't work out at quarterback, the Chiefs are said to be interested in signing Joe Montana … Larry Johnson's new contract pays him a $25,000 bonus every time he feels disrespected and is expected to earn him $75 billion over the life of the deal.
Oakland Raiders: Owner Al Davis is said to be so excited about this season that he purchased a new gold chain for his lady glasses … Doctors have diagnosed new head coach Lane Kiffin's mystery ailment as a very severe case of regret … New quarterback Daunte Culpepper was disappointed to arrive in Oakland only to discover Randy Moss had already left.
San Diego Chargers: Shawne Merriman put an end to his "Lights Out" dance because he felt that sort of display was only fitting under a flashy coach like Marty Schottenheimer … New head coach Norv Turner says conservative play calling will not work in the playoffs if the Chargers somehow make the playoffs with Norv Turner as their head coach.
Some cheese, but otherwise pretty funny. Except the Donkeys notes...all that stuff seems factual and accurate:
AFC West
Denver Broncos: Coaches say new Broncos running back Travis Henry has all the tools necessary to thrive in Denver's system. He has legs. And also arms, a torso and a head. The only thing Henry needs to work on are ethical issues over his blockers taking out the knees of his would-be tacklers … Head coach Mike Shanahan has completed his preseason regimen of chemical injections to get his skin to a glowing Broncos Orange … According to numerous media reports, Jay Cutler is the greatest quarterback of all-time.
Kansas City Chiefs: The Chiefs were featured on HBO's "Hard Knocks" series this preseason, which provided viewers with a behind-the-scenes look at how Kansas City will go about underutilizing Tony Gonzalez this year … If Brodie Croyle or Damon Huard doesn't work out at quarterback, the Chiefs are said to be interested in signing Joe Montana … Larry Johnson's new contract pays him a $25,000 bonus every time he feels disrespected and is expected to earn him $75 billion over the life of the deal.
Oakland Raiders: Owner Al Davis is said to be so excited about this season that he purchased a new gold chain for his lady glasses … Doctors have diagnosed new head coach Lane Kiffin's mystery ailment as a very severe case of regret … New quarterback Daunte Culpepper was disappointed to arrive in Oakland only to discover Randy Moss had already left.
San Diego Chargers: Shawne Merriman put an end to his "Lights Out" dance because he felt that sort of display was only fitting under a flashy coach like Marty Schottenheimer … New head coach Norv Turner says conservative play calling will not work in the playoffs if the Chargers somehow make the playoffs with Norv Turner as their head coach.