whtgldwldr
09-25-2007, 09:13 PM
Let me preface this by saying I am not a big fan of the cowboys, nor of Romo's. However, the constant fellating by the media makes me laugh. It seems to me that Tony Romo is the 2nd coming of jesus, wearing a football helmet. Thus, I began a work of literature that I believe is worthy of such a man. Enjoy.
"Troy Aikman begat Quincy Carter. Quincy Carter stepped aside for the return of Vinny Testeverde. Vinny Testeverde relenquished his throne to Drew Bledsoe. Number 11 reigned supreme until the arrival of the man that would change the face of sports forever. A man who can not only play quarterback, but can cause his kickers to be more accurate, his defenders to intercept passes, and the basketball team to win games. This man can only be described as a god. His name is... Tony Romo.
Romo was born of a shepherd's wife, and his family had little to no money. They were so poor, in fact, that his mother was forced to give birth to our lord and savior in the locker room of an eight man high school football team. These humble beginnings allowed him to become a benign, loving man. He even manages to get along with such difficult personalities as Jessica Simpson and Terrell Owens. Even Bill Parcells, who feared the power of Romo, had to admire his dedication as he ate the scraps leftover after team meals.
He learned early that the world would give him no hand-outs. When he was at school in Eastern Illinois, he was forced to sew his own uniform from broken jock straps and bloody nose rags. His helmet was merely an empty turtle shell taped to his chin. However, he succeeded. And against all odds, he made it to the NFL, the birth place of greatness.
He dreamt of one day following in the steps of other great Quarterbacks of the past. Todd Blackledge, Ryan Leaf, and Akili Smith were some of his idols. He, however, had no idea that he would one day eclipse those great first round talents, despite the fact that he went undrafted by all 32 teams in the NFL.
But former Cowboys coordinator, Sean Payton, had seen the light. While attending the NFL Scouting Combine in the spring of 2003, Payton saw the bright future of Lord Romo. He, however, did not rule over the mighty Cowboys of Dallas, Tx. That throne was filled by Bill Parcells.
For three years, Parcells' fear of Romo forced him to leave the savior riding the pine, without a single career pass. Romo was forced to clean the lockers of the more "talented" players on the roster. Testeverde the Venerable forced Romo to wax his porche. Bledsoe the Deficient spat in the face of the great one.
But Tony did not let these disrespects mar his character. Instead, he showed us how to live our lives by turning the other cheek and never, ever, retalliating to those who opposed him.
Once, when the Deficient One was preparing to lay hands of violence down upon our lord, Terrell Owens (the 1st apostle) was prepared to wage war on Romo's behalf. But Romo said, "violence out of ignorance hurts only the insecure."
In 2006, however, the apostle aided Romo into the throne of the NFL with a very public falling-out with Bledsoe the Despicable which was televised nationally in the United States. Parcells the Malevolent was forced, after being placed under immense pressure, to play Tony Romo.
Romo's success was unprecedented. Since his coming-of-age as the NFL's holiest player, Tony has helped the city of Dallas prosper in every way. The Cowboys made the playoffs, the Spurs won the NBA Championship, crime rates have dropped nearly 42%, unemployment in Dallas is non-existant, and the effects have begun reaching to other cities in the continental U.S. He even prevented a deadly asteroid the size of Texas from colliding with the Earth's surface by throwing a regulation sized football into outer space, where it collided and shattered the rock into billions of peices. From then on, October 13th was known as Tony Romo Day."
As time goes on, I will keep the rest of you posted with updates to the book of romo. This is just an introduction. (The bible wasn't written in one day, give it time.) And any of you who wish to join the Church of Romo, we are currently accepting applications for Bishops and Cardinals.
Just remember, no matter what happens don't feel down. Tony Romo giveth, and Tony Romo taketh away.
"Troy Aikman begat Quincy Carter. Quincy Carter stepped aside for the return of Vinny Testeverde. Vinny Testeverde relenquished his throne to Drew Bledsoe. Number 11 reigned supreme until the arrival of the man that would change the face of sports forever. A man who can not only play quarterback, but can cause his kickers to be more accurate, his defenders to intercept passes, and the basketball team to win games. This man can only be described as a god. His name is... Tony Romo.
Romo was born of a shepherd's wife, and his family had little to no money. They were so poor, in fact, that his mother was forced to give birth to our lord and savior in the locker room of an eight man high school football team. These humble beginnings allowed him to become a benign, loving man. He even manages to get along with such difficult personalities as Jessica Simpson and Terrell Owens. Even Bill Parcells, who feared the power of Romo, had to admire his dedication as he ate the scraps leftover after team meals.
He learned early that the world would give him no hand-outs. When he was at school in Eastern Illinois, he was forced to sew his own uniform from broken jock straps and bloody nose rags. His helmet was merely an empty turtle shell taped to his chin. However, he succeeded. And against all odds, he made it to the NFL, the birth place of greatness.
He dreamt of one day following in the steps of other great Quarterbacks of the past. Todd Blackledge, Ryan Leaf, and Akili Smith were some of his idols. He, however, had no idea that he would one day eclipse those great first round talents, despite the fact that he went undrafted by all 32 teams in the NFL.
But former Cowboys coordinator, Sean Payton, had seen the light. While attending the NFL Scouting Combine in the spring of 2003, Payton saw the bright future of Lord Romo. He, however, did not rule over the mighty Cowboys of Dallas, Tx. That throne was filled by Bill Parcells.
For three years, Parcells' fear of Romo forced him to leave the savior riding the pine, without a single career pass. Romo was forced to clean the lockers of the more "talented" players on the roster. Testeverde the Venerable forced Romo to wax his porche. Bledsoe the Deficient spat in the face of the great one.
But Tony did not let these disrespects mar his character. Instead, he showed us how to live our lives by turning the other cheek and never, ever, retalliating to those who opposed him.
Once, when the Deficient One was preparing to lay hands of violence down upon our lord, Terrell Owens (the 1st apostle) was prepared to wage war on Romo's behalf. But Romo said, "violence out of ignorance hurts only the insecure."
In 2006, however, the apostle aided Romo into the throne of the NFL with a very public falling-out with Bledsoe the Despicable which was televised nationally in the United States. Parcells the Malevolent was forced, after being placed under immense pressure, to play Tony Romo.
Romo's success was unprecedented. Since his coming-of-age as the NFL's holiest player, Tony has helped the city of Dallas prosper in every way. The Cowboys made the playoffs, the Spurs won the NBA Championship, crime rates have dropped nearly 42%, unemployment in Dallas is non-existant, and the effects have begun reaching to other cities in the continental U.S. He even prevented a deadly asteroid the size of Texas from colliding with the Earth's surface by throwing a regulation sized football into outer space, where it collided and shattered the rock into billions of peices. From then on, October 13th was known as Tony Romo Day."
As time goes on, I will keep the rest of you posted with updates to the book of romo. This is just an introduction. (The bible wasn't written in one day, give it time.) And any of you who wish to join the Church of Romo, we are currently accepting applications for Bishops and Cardinals.
Just remember, no matter what happens don't feel down. Tony Romo giveth, and Tony Romo taketh away.