View Full Version : Joke of the day
Dave Lane
10-04-2007, 02:00 PM
A man breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes!
He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain...do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you.This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!"
His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline.
I told him it was in the bathroom.
Be strong honey. I love you, too."
ROFL
Dave
Skip Towne
10-04-2007, 02:04 PM
1982 called. They want their joke back.
1982 called. They want their joke back.1997 called, it wants it catch phrase back.
Dave Lane
10-04-2007, 02:09 PM
I was around long before then and I never heard it or the other 5 people I told it to today....
Dave
boogblaster
10-04-2007, 02:17 PM
Littl' Johnny asked his dad whats sex ? ..ole dad said come here mother take your cloths off spread ur legs and lay down on the bed..see that hole Johnny ?? beats his chest and says,watch ole dad.. littl' Johnnys sister comes home asks Johnny, whats going on? It's sex said Johnny..see that hole on dad ? beats his chest says, watch littl' Johnny ...
Skip Towne
10-04-2007, 02:18 PM
I was around long before then and I never heard it or the other 5 people I told it to today....
Dave
I didn't even have to read it clear through.
Skip Towne
10-04-2007, 02:19 PM
1997 called, it wants it catch phrase back.
S_T_F_U
Donger
10-04-2007, 02:20 PM
Yes. Rape, especially anal rape, is a hoot.
Stinger
10-04-2007, 02:20 PM
Hey did you all hear the one about the "strange substance" found at the Chiefs practice facility?
JBucc
10-04-2007, 02:21 PM
Hello, welcome to the internets.
beach tribe
10-04-2007, 02:23 PM
S_T_F_U
I can tell by the neg rep I recieved, you are very sensitive.
Baby Lee
10-04-2007, 02:27 PM
Buddy Hackett had one of my faves, short version.
Boy comes home from play early, hears mom moaning in the bedroom. Peeks in, she's rubbing herself and moaning "I want a man, I want a man."
Cue two days later, boy comes home, hears mom moaning in the bedroom. Peeks him, she's bumping uglies with the milk man.
Come dinner time, mom calls the boy, hears him moaning in his bedroom. Peeks in, he's rubbing himself, moaning "I want a bicycle. I want a bicycle."
Skip Towne
10-04-2007, 02:33 PM
I can tell by the neg rep I recieved, you are very sensitive.
OK, here's some more.
beach tribe
10-04-2007, 02:35 PM
OK, here's some more.
Thats just sad :shake:
Skip Towne
10-04-2007, 02:36 PM
Thats just sad :shake:
I doubt many will let you in on the joke.
Skip Towne
10-04-2007, 02:36 PM
Buddy Hackett had one of my faves, short version.
Boy comes home from play early, hears mom moaning in the bedroom. Peeks in, she's rubbing herself and moaning "I want a man, I want a man."
Cue two days later, boy comes home, hears mom moaning in the bedroom. Peeks him, she's bumping uglies with the milk man.
Come dinner time, mom calls the boy, hears him moaning in his bedroom. Peeks in, he's rubbing himself, moaning "I want a bicycle. I want a bicycle."
Terrific
beach tribe
10-04-2007, 02:39 PM
I doubt many will let you in on the joke.
Your neg offset by Two Posis for the same quote.
Donger
10-04-2007, 02:50 PM
Your neg offset by Two Posis for the same quote.
The joke is self-evident, isn't it?
beach tribe
10-04-2007, 02:51 PM
The joke is self-evident, isn't it?
yes.
Rain Man
10-04-2007, 02:58 PM
1997 called, it wants it catch phrase back.
2017 called. They'd like to strongly endorse adding child safety locks on all nuclear ICBMs.
2017 called. They'd like to strongly endorse adding child safety locks on all nuclear ICBMs.
Stick figure called, he feels he is being unfairly portrayed in regards to his "proportions".
Jilly
10-04-2007, 03:28 PM
1987 or not, I thought i was just a little funny and I needed a laugh...so thank you, Dave.
afchiefs
10-04-2007, 03:35 PM
Little boy asks his mom; How come wedding gowns are always white?
The mom replies; Well, thats so the bride friends and family can see how innocent and pure she is.
The little boy says OK but isn't really happy with the answer so he goes and asks the same question to his dad.
The dad replies; Son, All household appliances always come in white!
Jilly
10-04-2007, 03:44 PM
Little boy asks his mom; How come wedding gowns are always white?
The mom replies; Well, thats so the bride friends and family can see how innocent and pure she is.
The little boy says OK but isn't really happy with the answer so he goes and asks the same question to his dad.
The dad replies; Son, All household appliances always come in white!
oh boo hiss....!!!
afchiefs
10-04-2007, 03:55 PM
oh boo hiss....!!!
whaaaat? I didn't do nuffin! :shrug:
My wife didn't think it was funny either. :D
Skip Towne
10-05-2007, 08:53 AM
A guy walks into a grocery store and asks to buy a half a head of lettuce. The clerk says I don't know if I can do that, I'll have to go ask the boss. The clerk heads to the back and the customer follows him and is standing behind him when the clerks asks him and , noticing the guy right behind him, adds that he knows a guy who will buy the other half. Later, the boss said that was quick thinking and asked where he was from. Canada, the clerk replied and said he moved to Oklahoma because there was nothing up there but hockey teams and whores. My wife is from Canada said the boss. The clerk said "Who did she play for?".
elvomito
10-05-2007, 03:55 PM
Little boy asks his mom; How come wedding gowns are always white?
The mom replies; Well, thats so the bride friends and family can see how innocent and pure she is.
The little boy says OK but isn't really happy with the answer so he goes and asks the same question to his dad.
The dad replies; Son, All household appliances always come in white!i like this version: "son, the dishwasher should match the stove and refrigerator"
here's a joke, not too funny though: http://internetisseriousbusiness.com/
more irritating than anything, unless you actually miss 1987
Demonpenz
10-05-2007, 03:57 PM
worst
joke
ever
1997 called, it wants it catch phrase back.
ROFL
KCChiefsMan
10-05-2007, 05:49 PM
1997 called, it wants it catch phrase back.
NICE!
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