Guyku: Sharpen your writing chops!

[gblowfish]

Hey CPers:

My good friend Vinnie in Chicago is working on a project.
Here's an e-mail he sent to me:

Hey guys, I am working on an idea that I think you can help me with.
It's called; Guyku.

Ya know, guy and haiku.
An example;

She's still in my bed
Her toothbrush sits on the sink
I thought she would leave

Have fun, we're working on a coffee table book and will give attribution lines to all.

vinnie

Here were my suggestions:

Keep out of trouble:
"Yes Dear, You're Right, I'm Sorry"
It works like a charm.

The screaming is shrill
I am inconsiderate
I put the seat down.

Hey, what was your name?
The sun rises in the East...
Oh, sure I'll call you.

I can't stop staring
Wow...thirty-eight double D...
Must avert my eyes!!!

I went to the store
My wife is out of Tampax
God, I'm Pussy Whipped.

Think this is a natural for many of you poetic prose purveyors!

[Reaper16]

FAX is about to dominate this thread.

[ZepSinger]

Girl lost a sandal
Under the bed
You throw it out and tell her
"K-Mart is having a shoe sale"
Ugly gets that kind of treatment.

Z

[ZepSinger]

I say I Love You
She presents her reward horizontally
Now, where's the door?

Z

[Extra Point]

Bitched out again
For drinking too much
Another cold one makes
the faint buzzing goes away

[Chiefnj2]

What was I thinking?
She looks and smells like Star Jones.
Damn that Lowenbrau.

[ZepSinger]

Am I right? Yes.
Does it matter? No.
My wife has an opinion.

[Misplaced_Chiefs_Fan]

Guys night out
Gotta call home. Sorry
No kitchen pass

[DaKCMan AP]

Some guys on this site
Have no freaking clue how to
Construct a Haiku

[Chiefnj2]

Damn Jagermeister,
Ignore the Adam's apple.
Never drink again.

[ZepSinger]

Some guys on this site
Have no freaking clue how to
Construct a Haiku

Mine have been 'loose interpretations' of the form.


Translation: I don't know how to construct a Haiku.

[Bob Dole]

Some guys on this site
Have no freaking clue how to
Construct a Haiku

Bob Dole was thinking
the same thing as he read this
dipshit n00b retarts

[luv]

CP Poets Society!

LMAO

[Bob Dole]

Stop nagging me bitch
get back in the damn kitchen
and bake me a pie

[tooge]

I scan the produce
milfs at the grocery store
shit I'm married now

[tooge]

come on you used to
its a great source of protein
it cant hurt to ask

[gblowfish]

You guys, a haiku
goes five seven five, OK?
It's embarrassing!

[talastan]

You know her don't you,
Why did you not meet her first,
The younger sister

[tooge]

One beautiful babe
frequents bars with larger friends
thank you my wingman

[DaKCMan AP]

Stop nagging me bitch
get back in the damn kitchen
and bake me a pie

LMAO

[tooge]

Lets go to my place
I have lots of batman stuff
my name is Goatse

[talastan]

ROFL Rep!!

[Rain Man]

Are you a woman
Who is open to threesomes?
I think I love you

[Rain Man]

Mysterious women
Why can I not understand you?
I think you're crazy

[Rain Man]

I'm at home alone
My dinner is pork and beans
Eaten from the can

[Rain Man]

My life is football
And family and career
But mostly football

[Rain Man]

My button came loose
I have to discard the shirt
Wait, where's the stapler?

[Misplaced_Chiefs_Fan]

Three hour drive ahead.
Take a rest, are you kidding?
Chiefs game starts at one.

[Rain Man]

I liked Titanic
Great plot, great scenes, quite gripping
Am I still a man?

[Rain Man]

Hit me if you must
But please, no knee to the groin
It really really really hurts

[Rain Man]

I'm chubby and bald
But I still think I'm handsome
That chick should lose weight

[elvomito]

new song now playing
hootie and the blow-huards
what what in the butt

you are very gay
not that there is anything
wrong with that you poof

mountain of fragrance
this pile of laundry aint
washin itself bitch

[Chiefnj2]

Women, dumb questions
Those pants don't make you look fat,
You always look fat.

[wilas101]

A cat in the bar
The Chiefs kick a field goal, yay!
The cat does a flip


The barman says WOW!
Inquiries about TDs
The cats only 3

------------

She took it anal
She got a Dirty Sanchez
Roofies 4 teh win!

-------------

Herm says Huard starts
The Planet, collective melt-down
All experts in here

--------------

Guykus I'm writing
Work I should be doing now
Unemployment check

Wife is upset now
Kids have no shoes or clothing
must write more guykus

Suddenly single
She took the car, house and dog
must write more guykus

Out the game too long
prostitute the only choice
I missed the blisters

Sores are bleeding now
Crust forms around urethra
The worst, yet to come

Homeless, no money
Wife gone, life in shambles now
just one more guyku

Life ruined, love lost
All because of gblowfish
stupid guyku thread

==========================

[elvomito]

wilas one oh one
i will buy you an escort
depression is bad

[Mark M]

It's threads like these that keep me lurking (even if I don't post as often as I used to).

Oh ... and I'll try to come up with some Guyku later. I pretty much suck at those things (too few words).

MM
~~:D

[Bob Dole]

sex drugs rock and roll
at least until the wedding
then not so much sex

[Bob Dole]

my mind wanders some
I tend to have impure thoughts
I accept the blame

[DaKCMan AP]

Stop calling me, bitch!
I said that I loved you just
To get in your pants

[dogdaze]

bound by ball and chain
the weight increases with time
release me, sweet death.

[Braincase]

Oral Sex? I hope!
I am worthy! Castle King!
For I mowed the lawn.

[gblowfish]

From my pal Mr. Doggity:

Of course I love you
I already said so once
Now get me a beer

Why do you ask me
If that makes your ass look fat?
I will plead the fifth

Where's my foam finger
And my two-beer sippy hat?
It's football season

Ask not who broke wind
He who smelt it hath dealt it
So it must be you

Behold the fisherman
The truth. It is not in him
He smells of strong drink

I envy my dog
He pisses on neighbor's shrubs
And humps his wife's leg

From my pal Ramon T. Peligrosso:

Oh! HGTV…
It’s the Speed Channel for me
When you’ve gone to bed

Dreams of Ferrari
On a cold drizzly Sunday
Driving to Costco

[FAX]

I hid all your bras
In the basement yesterday
Ha ha ha ha ha

FAX

[gblowfish]

I hid all your bras
In the basement yesterday
Ha ha ha ha ha

FAX
I was wondering when you'd show up...

[Rain Man]

I know everything
Why? Because I am a man
Do not question me

[Rain Man]

I am a white man
Serial killers? All white men
Do not mess with me

[Rain Man]

Guyku - I like it
Because it saves me money
On car insurance

[Skip Towne]

Guyku - I like it
Because it saves me money
On car insurance
The lizard is cute too.

[flapjack]

Guys, I am the friend of the friend who was requesting Guyku last October for the Guyku project... I have finally found my way into Chief's Planet! And boy, is it good to be in here reading these ****ing genius Guykus you guys came up with! Christ on a bike. There's some real gems in here. Just wanted to say the project is up and running and I will be keeping this thread alive and all of you in the loop as to what is going on with it. I think it's going to be bigger than a coffee table book after seeing the examples here at the Planet. Watch this space for "next steps" and all other shit related to Guyku...

I leave you with this guyku...


Why'd you buy Zima?
Do I look like Jamie Farr?
Pass the luke warm Schlitz.


flapjack

[ExtremeChief]

I'm doing my best,
It is in there all the way,
You ungrateful bitch

[ExtremeChief]

Doesn't like hearing,
The snoring I emulate,
She should try the couch

[ExtremeChief]

Golfing and drinking,
All day long, bitch I'm tired ,
Go cook me something

[gblowfish]

Hey CPers:
My pals who are putting together the "Guyku" book are asking for more submissions. You can list them here if you don't mind them being used.

How Bout:

Up Goes The Blanket
He Rips a Ripe One; Cloud Forms
Classic Dutch Oven!