Men: If You Could Give Birth, Would you?

[Donger]

Imagine that science announces tomorrow that they've discovered a way for a male to carry a human child 'to term' within your body; a child created between you and your woman. Would you choose to become pregnant? Let's say that the child is delivered anally or via C-section.

Thanks.

[Phobia]

Uh. No. I prefer simpler questions about washing legs, please.

[Buehler445]

Negative, chief.

[kc rush]

No. I've seen my wife do it twice and thats as close as I will ever get.

[Donger]

Uh. No. I prefer simpler questions about washing legs, please.

Really? I'd do it in a heartbeat.

[Phobia]

Really? I'd do it in a heartbeat.

That's because you're one of those light-in-the-loafers British types.

[Hootie]

I'd try anything once.

[Basileus777]

Delivered anally? :eek:

No thanks.

[Donger]

That's because you're one of those light-in-the-loafers British types.

I don't see why this question has anything to do with homosexuality.

[ChiefaRoo]

I'd try anything once.

Jesus, we know. You actually think Huard is a QB.

[Donger]

Delivered anally? :eek:

No thanks.

Or C-section. Did you miss that fart?

[Rain Man]

Frankly, the whole giving birth thing is a little creepy to me anyway, even when it's happening with someone else.

[Hammock Parties]

Only if Carrie Underwood impregnates me.

[Thig Lyfe]

Delivered anally? :eek:

No thanks.

It would be easier to tell your kid he's adopted than to tell him you shat him out.

[Phobia]

I don't see why this question has anything to do with homosexuality.

Perhaps it's stretched sphincter aspect of your question.

[Donger]

Frankly, the whole giving birth thing is a little creepy to me anyway, even when it's happening with someone else.

It's not that bad really. I do admit I was a little freaked out when I looked at my wife's OBGYN and he was flicking her removed placenta with his finger for some reason known only to medical professionals. He looked at me and said, "Do you want to touch it?" The smell was a surprise, although it shouldn't have been.

I think it was payback for my, "Are you really 'my friend and colleague?' comments, since he's Dr. Watson.

[Donger]

Perhaps it's stretched sphincter aspect of your question.

I put the C-Section option in there for that very reason, you big pussy.

[JBucc]

The world already has too many Raider fans.

[Demonpenz]

I would rather have muliple organs during sex

[cdcox]

delivered anally

Gee, while you were at it you might as well have included an option for penal delivery.


Pregnancy is an entirely female experience. I don't want to be described as "glowing", nor do I want my breasts to swell or become tender. Pass.

[Donger]

Gee, while you were at it you might as well have included an option for penal delivery.


Pregnancy is an entirely female experience. I don't want to be described as "glowing", nor do I want my breasts to swell or become tender. Pass.

If you're not going to get with the program and think like a girl for while, I'm going to have to put you on ignore.

[Stinger]

I would rather have muliple organs during sex

Pipe, electronic or reed????

[Rain Man]

Gee, while you were at it you might as well have included an option for penal delivery.



If we continue with the "female perspective" would the penis become much, much larger after delivery?

[Iowanian]

Having witnessed in 3D, firsthand the site of an 8 1/2lb kid expelling from something with more elasticity than my own peehole....


uh, no.

Someone take Donger's man card and slap him with an oven mit for even asking such a horrendous question.

[cdcox]

If we continue with the "female perspective" would the penis become much, much larger after delivery?

Like sleeve of wizard.

[ChiefaRoo]

This thread is disturbing and I fear for some of you.

[Donger]

Having witnessed in 3D, firsthand the site of an 8 1/2lb kid expelling from something with more elasticity than my own peehole....


uh, no.

Someone take Donger's man card and slap him with an oven mit for even asking such a horrendous question.

What's wrong with you idiots? I put in the C-Section option for reason.

[Amnorix]

Seen it twice. Was extraordinarily disturbed by what I witnessed, and see no upside to "enjoying" that experience.

And that's putting aside the 9 months of aggravations like "can't sleep except on your side" etc.

So yeah....not just no, but **** no!

[ChiefaRoo]

Seen it twice. Was extraordinarily disturbed by what I witnessed, and see no upside to "enjoying" that experience.

And that's putting aside the 9 months of aggravations like "can't sleep except on your side" etc.

So yeah....not just no, but **** no!

I'm with you Chowder.

[Simplex3]

Seen it twice. Was extraordinarily disturbed by what I witnessed, and see no upside to "enjoying" that experience.
It's been more than three and a half years since the last time I saw that and I still have nightmares.

[Donger]

I'm stunned by the lack of testicular fortitude on display here. Imagine the look on your proud wife's face when the OBGYN looks at her and asks, "Would you like to cut the cord?"

Crunch, crunch, crunch.

One never forgets the sound of cutting through an umbilical cord.

[Phobia]

I'll never forget watching a doctor cut into my wife. I know you're not supposed to watch but I did anyway. I've seen a whole lot worse.

[Simplex3]

I'm stunned by the lack of testicular fortitude on display here. Imagine the look on your proud wife's face when the OBGYN looks at her and asks, "Would you like to cut the cord?"

Crunch, crunch, crunch.

One never forgets the sound of cutting through an umbilical cord.
Apparently I did.

My wife's OB still talks about my response to that question. I don't remember it, but after my first was born the doc held the scissors out toward me and said I could cut the cord now. My response was something to the effect of "Aren't you the professional and aren't I paying you to do that?". I guess the look on my face must have been pretty priceless.

I remember looking at the kid, with it's head all white and misshapen, screaming, covered in slime, and thinking "f**king s**t..."

[Donger]

Apparently I did.

My wife's OB still talks about my response to that question. I don't remember it, but after my first was born the doc held the scissors out toward me and said I could cut the cord now. My response was something to the effect of "Aren't you the professional and aren't I paying you to do that?". I guess the look on my face must have been pretty priceless.

I remember looking at the kid, with it's head all white and misshapen, screaming, covered in slime, and thinking "f**king s**t..."

Yeah? I cut the cords of both of my kids. Her doctor didn't really give me a choice (f*cker) but I did it. It was like cutting a piece of wet leather. Pretty cool, really.

[cdcox]

So in the stone age I'm guessing they just macerated the cord between a couple of rocks.

[stevieray]

So in the stone age I'm guessing they just macerated the cord between a couple of rocks.

so easy, even a donger could do it...

[Donger]

So in the stone age I'm guessing they just macerated the cord between a couple of rocks.

Nope. They didn't do anything. The kid just dragged around the cord and the placenta for a week or so, until it dried up and dropped off.

[Donger]

so easy, even a donger could do it...

See above. Medically unnecessary.

[Iowanian]

Bullshit...back in the day, when women were women.....

They Chewed through the chord and ate the afterbirth, so coyotes and lygers wouldn't eat the baby.

[StcChief]

NFW

[Skip Towne]

Seen it twice. Was extraordinarily disturbed by what I witnessed, and see no upside to "enjoying" that experience.

And that's putting aside the 9 months of aggravations like "can't sleep except on your side" etc.

So yeah....not just no, but **** no!
I can see you wouldn't like viewing heart surgery. I wouldn't either but some people like it thank God.

[Rain Man]

Seen it twice. Was extraordinarily disturbed by what I witnessed, and see no upside to "enjoying" that experience.

And that's putting aside the 9 months of aggravations like "can't sleep except on your side" etc.

So yeah....not just no, but **** no!


I don't have kids, but if I did, I would go old school. I'd watch football in the waiting room until the nurse came out and said that everybody was all cleaned up and sleeping.

[Donger]

I don't have kids, but if I did, I would go old school. I'd watch football in the waiting room until the nurse came out and said that everybody was all cleaned up and sleeping.

Heh. Out of four boys in my family, only one was born at a hospital. My father, to this day, takes great pride in telling us that he was down at the pub while my mother was in labor at home.

Strange.

[Lonewolf Ed]

Are you kidding? What woman out there would put up with 9 months of the shit we do for them? Like they'd get up in the middle of the night to make us something weird to eat, or go out of their way to see what they could do to make us comfortable, or anything else and not hold it against us? Granted, if we don't do all that for them, we are complete bastards, but if the shoe was on the other foot... please. It just would not work.

[Tribal Warfare]

43 responses and no demand of temporary revocation of thread starter's MAN CARD? You guys are losing your touch! Shame on you all

[stevieray]

43 responses and no demand of temporary revocation of thread starter's MAN CARD? You guys are losing your touch! Shame on you all

wrong...

[Skip Towne]

Bullshit...back in the day, when women were women.....

They Chewed through the chord and ate the afterbirth, so coyotes and lygers wouldn't eat the baby.
:LOL: Yeah, those lygers were really a threat 'back in the day"

[Tribal Warfare]

wrong...



Should it be a life ban?

[Basileus777]

43 responses and no demand of temporary revocation of thread starter's MAN CARD? You guys are losing your touch! Shame on you all

http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showpost.php?p=4321543&postcount=24

[Logical]

No thanks, I appreciate that women want and do take on this burden.

[Hammock Parties]

http://img153.imageshack.us/img153/5867/20051017hqy1.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

[Skip Towne]

No thanks, I appreciate that women want and do take on this burden.
Me too. It's that shit swimming around in their blood that makes them do it.

[Tribal Warfare]

http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/show...43&postcount=24



damn it :banghead:

[Iowanian]

43 responses and no demand of temporary revocation of thread starter's MAN CARD? You guys are losing your touch! Shame on you all


I suppose if you'd avert your eyes from your Jerk-tra-sig2000, you might have noticed post 24, daxflame.

[Tribal Warfare]

I suppose if you'd avert your eyes from your Jerk-tra-sig2000, you might have noticed post 24, daxflame.

hiddey ho! Yes an oversight

[Bowser]

I thought this was another poop thread.

[listopencil]

Apparently I did.

My wife's OB still talks about my response to that question. I don't remember it, but after my first was born the doc held the scissors out toward me and said I could cut the cord now. My response was something to the effect of "Aren't you the professional and aren't I paying you to do that?". I guess the look on my face must have been pretty priceless.

I remember looking at the kid, with it's head all white and misshapen, screaming, covered in slime, and thinking "f**king s**t..."


I remember that. I was thinking, "What the **** are you doing handing me a sharp object near a baby?" the first time. As intense as the process was, my hands were shaking like leaves. Then the Dr. said, "Come on, Dad. Cut the cord." Something about the way he said "Dad" made me do it.

[listopencil]

By the way, I got a huge attitude when I had kids. I was like, "Screw you idiots. I can make my own people now."

[listopencil]

Oh yeah, the answer is no ****ing way.

[Mecca]

I don't even want kids now, let alone if I had to deliver them.

[Oh Snap]

It has already been done..
<object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/ifZMp1k5wbI&rel=1"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/ifZMp1k5wbI&rel=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object>

[Bugeater]

[mental note] Install CPIggy and put Donger on it immediately [/mental note]

[RJ]

Imagine that science announces tomorrow that they've discovered a way for a male to carry a human child 'to term' within your body; a child created between you and your woman. Would you choose to become pregnant? Let's say that the child is delivered anally or via C-section.

Thanks.



I would choose to allow the human race to become extinct.

[greg63]

Men: If You Could Give Birth, Would you?

In a word: NO!






That is all.

[FAX]

Abraham beshat Isaac; and Isaac beshat Jacob; and Jacob beshat Judas and his brethren ...

It just doesn't sound right.

FAX

[Amnorix]

I don't have kids, but if I did, I would go old school. I'd watch football in the waiting room until the nurse came out and said that everybody was all cleaned up and sleeping.You'd learn that's not an option, because believe me, it's one I would've taken as well.

That said, it's cool to be there. Just keep your attention focused ABOVE the johnny/divider thingy if it disturbs you at all.

A woman is ready to give birth at 10 cm. Doesn't sound like much, but...


http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://z.about.com/d/pregnancy/1/0/y/V/cervix-10cm.gif&imgrefurl=http://pregnancy.about.com/library/class/blclass2cervix.htm&h=294&w=294&sz=3&hl=en&start=1&sig2=MhpoltmS4ghX8wiE8L103Q&tbnid=wc9w0hgJSILilM:&tbnh=115&tbnw=115&ei=aZMgR8TIA5eoeMXIsKUC&prev=/images%3Fq%3D10%2Bcentimeters%26gbv%3D2%26ndsp%3D18%26svnum%3D10%26hl%3Den%26safe%3Doff%26sa%3DN

[Amnorix]

This gives a sense of scale. 10 centimeters.

http://www.chem.uiuc.edu/webfunchem/Prefix/cmruller.gif

[Simply Red]

I don't see why this question has anything to do with homosexuality.
ROFL

[JohninGpt]

This gives a sense of scale. 10 centimeters.

http://www.chem.uiuc.edu/webfunchem/Prefix/cmruller.gif
Yes, and after the first 15 hours or so of labor, the playground is wrecked.

[Mr. Kotter]

Donger,

Your man card should be revoked for even THINKING of asking this question.... :shake:

:banghead:

[kepp]

NO. WAY.

[Chief Chief]

Yep, I'd do it just 'cuz I know my breasts would grow large from milk production and then I could cop a feel whenever I wanted to without being slapped or sued.

[Rausch]

NO. WAY.

I have nothing more to add...

[Pushead2]

mmmm, no sir I don't like it

[chasedude]

I have been surrounded by 3 pregnant women in this office for the last 3 months. They're insane! That's a resounding HELL NO to your question.

[Donger]

Donger,

Your man card should be revoked for even THINKING of asking this question.... :shake:

:banghead:

Why?

[jidar]

No. And I also don't do the laundry or wash the dishes.
Any other questions?

[Frazod]

I have been surrounded by 3 pregnant women in this office for the last 3 months. They're insane! That's a resounding HELL NO to your question.

I actually used to work with a crazy woman who was only sane WHEN SHE WAS PREGNANT. She didn't come back to work after the second kid. Probably just as well. :D

And Donger, :spock: at this thread.

[chasedude]

I actually used to work with a crazy woman who was only sane WHEN SHE WAS PREGNANT. She didn't come back to work after the second kid. Probably just as well. :D

And Donger, :spock: at this thread.


One of them left this Tuesday for Maternity leave.... two more to go! woohoo!

[Rain Man]

If this did happen, Travis Henry would be on the PUP list every season.

[Mr. Kotter]

Why?

Because no real man would have to ask other real men their answer to this question.

It would be intuitive. :banghead:

[Donger]

Because no real man would have to ask other real men their answer to this question.

It would be intuitive. :banghead:

You are telling me what a 'real man' is?

[Frankie]

Men: If You Could Give Birth, Would you?
NO!!!

1- This is one of the main reasons I thank God I'm a guy.
2- I have given birth and I know what the pain is like. OK, I have sorta given birth. 9 days after my heart attack 2 summers ago. I'll spare you the details. (Unless you are curious! ;))

[BucEyedPea]

Because no real man would have to ask other real men their answer to this question.

It would be intuitive. :banghead:
Except intuition is more a female trait, or we're just better at it....because when we use it, we're NEVER wrong. So if you feel this is intuitive, wouldn't that make you somewhat less a man in this case? :p

[Frankie]

I actually used to work with a crazy woman who was only sane WHEN SHE WAS PREGNANT. She didn't come back to work after the second kid. Probably just as well. :D
I bet you did your best to preserve her sanity. :p

[Rain Man]

NO!!!

1- This is one of the main reasons I thank God I'm a guy.
2- I have given birth and I know what the pain is like. OK, I have sorta given birth. 9 days after my heart attack 2 summers ago. I'll spare you the details. (Unless you are curious! ;))

I'm not curious. No one's curious. Please don't provide any details. Please.

[Frankie]

If this did happen, Travis Henry would be on the PUP list every season.
ROFL

Goatse too?
:p

[ROYC75]

Imagine that science announces tomorrow that they've discovered a way for a male to carry a human child 'to term' within your body; a child created between you and your woman. Would you choose to become pregnant? Let's say that the child is delivered anally or via C-section.

Thanks.

No Way ....... :rolleyes:

[mcan]

Imagine that science announces tomorrow that they've discovered a way...



I find the concept of "science" making an announcement to be quite amusing.

Hey, did you guys here that science just called a press conference? I think he's trying to tell us something... What's that boy? The earth is heating up too fast and we're all gonna die? Oh... You've discovered a way for men to give birth. That's pretty cool...


Actually it's funny though. A few friends of mine were just discussing this a couple days ago. I wasn't the most popular guy around the table. My take was: Almost every woman I know exaggerates pain so much that I can't take seriously that birth is the most painful thing there is. I'd give birth just to prove that's not that bad, and that most women are just being wussy.

[Amnorix]

I'm not curious. No one's curious. Please don't provide any details. Please.

ROFLROFLROFL

[Mr. Kotter]

You are telling me what a 'real man' is?

Yup, "Mr. I don't wash my legs--so that makes me a real man, don't it?" :harumph:


:p

[Frazod]

I bet you did your best to preserve her sanity. :p

Nothing I did was a factor. :D

[Wile_E_Coyote]

The male body isn't designed to carry weight like that, so the last couple of months you would have to bed ridden. Not bad during football season. The no beer part kills the deal though

[Frankie]

I'm not curious. No one's curious. Please don't provide any details. Please.
:hmmm: Sounds like a challenge. :p

[Frankie]

The male body isn't designed to carry weight like that, so the last couple of months you would have to bed ridden. Not bad during football season. The no beer part kills the deal though
Unless you wanna give birth to the next Homer Simpson.

[Adept Havelock]

No.

[Otter]

I don't get to drink for 9 months, gain weight and then for the grand finale I get to pass a watermelon out my anus.

Gonna have to side with the "no" crowd on this one.

[Mark M]

Oh hell no.

If men had to give birth, our species would've died out long, long ago.

MM
~~:shake: