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View Full Version : There's a dead man in my jaw.


Rain Man
11-08-2007, 05:08 PM
I got Part 1 of my tooth implant today to replace the tooth that I broke eating soup. I'd show you what it looks like, but I can't fit my cell phone camera inside my mouth.

They put a screw in my jaw that's a little more than half an inch long and about a quarter-inch or so in diameter. It looks a lot like a typical household screw, except it's titanium or some such thing. Here's an example from someone else's mouth.

http://www.wirralimplants.com/graphics/single-tooth-implant-xray.jpg

I don't have a tooth yet, just the screw, because it takes three months for the screw to heal and fuse to the jawbone. I'm a little bummed because they sewed my gum up over the top of the screw. Apparently, the screw normally just kind of sticks out of your gums for three months, but I turned out to be a bleeder or something so they had to cover it up.

But here's the interesting part. They had to insert a bone graft into my jaw from an organ donor. I don't know who it is, but I think I'll call him Jim. Thanks for the bone, Jim, and I'll take good care of it. It'll be interesting to see if Jim likes different kinds of foods, or if he talks differently. And I'm begrudgingly allowing Jim to kiss my wife. Me and Jim, we're going to be lifelong friends.

Jim and I were doing quite well until about 2:30 when the anesthetic wore off. Now we're not doing so well.

Dave Lane
11-08-2007, 05:11 PM
Congrats to your wife for finally getting that menage a trois

Dave

Rain Man
11-08-2007, 05:12 PM
Hmm, maybe I should go with "Heather" instead of "Jim."

siberian khatru
11-08-2007, 05:13 PM
I hope you never saw this movie:

http://www.horroria.com/i/nposters/00/23/2330-N0.jpg

angel
11-08-2007, 05:16 PM
Hmm, maybe I should go with "Heather" instead of "Jim."

no, his name is Tony

he likes to hide- if you open your mouth, he'll go hide down in your stomach... he can give you visions of things to let you know if something is dangerous


you're pretty lucky

Rain Man
11-08-2007, 05:18 PM
Right now it feels a little bit like Jim is trying to claw his way out.

Bugeater
11-08-2007, 05:20 PM
When it's done are you going to be able to bite thru solid steel like that dude from the James Bond movies? That would be cool.

RJ
11-08-2007, 05:22 PM
I wonder if you'll find yourself enjoying all of Jim's favorite foods? Mmmmm, more pork gelatin please!

FAX
11-08-2007, 05:22 PM
Are we talking about Jim The Cannibal?

FAX

RJ
11-08-2007, 05:24 PM
Are we talking about Jim The Cannibal?

FAX


Yep, that's the one. Jim the "human consumin" cannibal.

FAX
11-08-2007, 05:26 PM
I wonder how Jim died?

FAX

Eleazar
11-08-2007, 05:26 PM
I wonder if Jim was tragically killed while riding under the influence of drugs on a stolen bicycle.

Rain Man
11-08-2007, 05:27 PM
When it's done are you going to be able to bite thru solid steel like that dude from the James Bond movies? That would be cool.

It seems logical. Once it heals up, I'll give it a try on some rebar or something.

Rain Man
11-08-2007, 05:28 PM
I wonder how Jim died?

FAX

My initial guess is that it was some sort of astronaut accident or something.

FAX
11-08-2007, 05:28 PM
I hope he didn't succumb to some virulent form of Dustin Hoffman type virus. Or green bean disease, or something.

FAX

RJ
11-08-2007, 05:52 PM
I wonder how Jim died?

FAX



I believe it had something to do with John.

JohninGpt
11-08-2007, 06:53 PM
I believe it had something to do with John.
I didn't want to kill him, but he kept looking at me with that bony grin...

Brock
11-08-2007, 06:56 PM
Jim is in a bathtub full of ice in New Orleans, very unhappy.

FAX
11-08-2007, 06:58 PM
Jim is in a bathtub full of ice in New Orleans, very unhappy.

ROFL

FAX

barry_smilez20
11-08-2007, 07:13 PM
I think Allen at least deserves a swig of whiskey for half a sack ....I just couldn't sleep Sunday night knowing he couldn't get to that 1 sack mark against the packers
Sincerely
Lions Fan


http://arrowheadaddict.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/jallen_3.JPG


http://www.vintagedepotdirect.com/media/BW08.jpg

Rain Man
11-08-2007, 08:11 PM
For half a sack, he only gets wine, just to get him riled up.


You're a Detroit fan? Is it really true that North Korea is demanding the removal of Matt Millen because even they don't think someone so stupid should be a leader?

a1na2
11-08-2007, 08:18 PM
I got Part 1 of my tooth implant today to replace the tooth that I broke eating soup. I'd show you what it looks like, but I can't fit my cell phone camera inside my mouth.

They put a screw in my jaw that's a little more than half an inch long and about a quarter-inch or so in diameter. It looks a lot like a typical household screw, except it's titanium or some such thing. Here's an example from someone else's mouth.

http://www.wirralimplants.com/graphics/single-tooth-implant-xray.jpg

I don't have a tooth yet, just the screw, because it takes three months for the screw to heal and fuse to the jawbone. I'm a little bummed because they sewed my gum up over the top of the screw. Apparently, the screw normally just kind of sticks out of your gums for three months, but I turned out to be a bleeder or something so they had to cover it up.

But here's the interesting part. They had to insert a bone graft into my jaw from an organ donor. I don't know who it is, but I think I'll call him Jim. Thanks for the bone, Jim, and I'll take good care of it. It'll be interesting to see if Jim likes different kinds of foods, or if he talks differently. And I'm begrudgingly allowing Jim to kiss my wife. Me and Jim, we're going to be lifelong friends.

Jim and I were doing quite well until about 2:30 when the anesthetic wore off. Now we're not doing so well.

What if Jim was gay? does that mean that you will now be a "happy" camper?

barry_smilez20
11-08-2007, 08:19 PM
the millenman march in north Korea was called off due to utter domination on the entire NFL hows carl doin?

allen_kcCard
11-08-2007, 08:27 PM
replace the tooth that I broke eating soup


OK, how the hell do you break a tooth eating soup? Or did you read the childrens book 'stone soup' and had to give it a try?

elvomito
11-08-2007, 08:28 PM
Does jenny approve of you surgically implanting jim's bone in your mouth?
ohhh, different jim

Rain Man
11-08-2007, 08:47 PM
the millenman march in north Korea was called off due to utter domination on the entire NFL hows carl doin?

Millen is the only guy that Carl smirks at, but this year even that's not happening.

Did you ever see my article about Millen last year? Here's a reprint, and feel free to carry it to the hordes of downtrodden Lions fans.

A HUMANITARIAN MISSION

Americans are a people of great mercy and compassion. Alone among the countries of the world, we have a history of stepping up when an international big kid picks on an international small kid. I’ll admit that this is particularly true if the international small kid has oil, but sometimes we’ll do it even when they don’t. Remember when Iraq was holding Kuwait’s face in the dirt in 1991? Who stepped in and beat up the bully? Us, that’s who. In 1941, when the Germans were stealing the lunch money of the non-oil-rich French, who swaggered forward and liberated not just Paris but the entire continent of Europe except for Poland, Hungary, Czechoslovakia, Romania, Bulgaria, the Baltic states, and part of Germany?

That’s right. Us. Americans. We’re the do-gooders of the world, the people who right wrongs and kick out evil dictators unless for some reason we need them to fight an even more evil dictator. We’re not afraid to fight for what’s right. Taliban? Taligon. Saddam? Sagone. (Not to be confused with Saigon, which doesn’t really support this discussion.)

Anyway, you get my point. We will sometimes sacrifice our own blood to save others, especially where there’s a huge abuse of power and injustice involved. I’m here today to ask us to do it again.
As Chiefs fans, we’re not exactly a superpower in the football world. We’ve got a tendency to lose playoff games. We’re not located in New York. We don’t even have a Manning on the roster. In geopolitical terms, we’re not football’s equivalent of the U.S. or England or Japan. We’re some country like Argentina - not a cesspool of filth and corruption, but not exactly the center of the universe, either.

But even so, we’ve got a responsibility to help those less fortunate, those living under the yoke of tyranny and brutality, and make no mistake about it, the football world currently harbors such a population. In fact, there is one group of football fans that is suffering right now under a leadership that makes Pol Pot look magnanimous, that makes Stalin appear beneficent. I speak, of course, of the Detroit Lions, whose fans are suffering under the most tyrannical, brutish, uncaring, and mentally deficient leadership in the history of football civilization. These innocent fans are being systematically wiped off the face of the earth by this despotic junta, with terrified and despondent survivors fleeing to teams like Cleveland and Chicago and Indianapolis, and even the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field, with nothing but the Chris Spielman jersies on their backs. The ascent to power of Matt Millen has been a tragedy of epic proportions.

We must take action. We must send an interleague force of fans to Detroit to topple this regime. We must free Detroit so that the next Barry Sanders can run freely, so that the next…the next…okay, Barry Sanders is the only star they’ve ever had, but that doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t be saved, okay?

But why should we care about Lions fans, you may ask? The people of Detroit are different from us. They are a swarthy peoples who live near lakeshores, and who support their families by building automobiles with cupholders that are too small for Big Gulp cups. It is easy to look at them and say, “The same thing couldn’t happen to us.” We are too evolved to let a person like Matt Millen seize the rein of leadership in Kansas City.” And besides, we all know that the NFL is a zero sum game. If the people of Detroit are starving for victories, their football bellies swollen on little stick football legs, that means that fans of other teams are feasting on victories. Perhaps even the Chiefs could benefit from the brutal fanocide occurring in Detroit.

I understand, then, how easy it is to insulate ourselves from this situation, to look away from the horror and pretend it’s not happening. We did it in Rwanda and we did it with the last two years of Happy Days. But as Americans, can we really do that in this case? Can we really stand by while an entire population of football fans is wiped off the face of the earth forever, as their insane king fiddles alongside overpriced wide receivers? Sure, it’s entertaining in a macabre sense, but it’s also entertaining to know that Kim Jong Il likes Daffy Duck cartoons. That doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t save the political prisoners.

Look at that team since Matt Millen seized power in a bloody coup in 2001. He has held the team in his relentless grip for a little over 5 years, and he has produced a record of 21 wins and 63 losses. He has had a top-10 pick in every year of his brutal reign, and has used it to produce Joey Harrington, Charles Rogers, Roy Williams, Mike Williams, and the not-yet-damned Ernie Sims. People, that’s not mismanagement, that’s pure Axis of Evil.

And what happens if it spreads? History is full of evil dictators who have attempted to expand beyond their borders. We all know how porous and cliquish NFL borders are; just look at our own Chiefs. Marty needed a coach, and instead of hiring a competent person to serve the people, he brought on his brother Kurt Schottenheimer. Think about it. Kurt Schottenheimer. And when Marty’s kid couldn’t make the high school football team, Marty hired him to be the quarterbacks coach of the Chiefs. “Elvis, meet my son. He’ll make you the best quarterback you can possibly be. But be sure not to buy him any beer, okay? Because he’s only 16.” Marty has since moved on, and is now working to rid the greater San Diego metropolitan area of quarterbacks, but what happened to his nepotistic cronies? His son Bryan was unwittingly hired by the New York Jets, and Kurt Schottenheimer…OH, THE HORROR! Kurt Schottenheimer was once hired by Matt Millen!

Given the nature of NFL hiring, there is a grave danger that the Millen junta could expand beyond Detroit. If he has somehow sired any misshapen, demented offspring, one of them could eventually skulk into Kansas City much the way that Kurt Schottenheimer skulked into Detroit. The NFL has more coach inbreeding than the Hapsburgs, and with more genetic defects, and all we need is to have a Millen marry into the Hunt family and start enslaving fans to construct underachieving slacker wide receivers. The danger is real, people. Wake up! It’s real!
Detroit is not just easy pickin’s, either. Detroit is a team with a long and storied history. If we’re Argentina, they should be France: been around forever, has a one-time status as a world power that has long since faded into history’s backdrop, yet still believes itself to be important and is easy to beat in a conflict. The Lions should be a team that is pleasant to visit, where one can enjoy a nice éclair and a visit to the Arc De Barry Sanders, where one can stroll along the Champs D’Elysanders. However, under the Millen regime, the Lions are no longer France. The team has become one of those central African hellholes where chaos reigns and the roads are disappearing into the jungle and the guards at the airport plant heroin in your suitcases and make you bribe your way out. An entire football civilization is collapsing before our very eyes, as the Evil Dictator Millen throws draft picks to the crocodiles and eats babies and calls people like Johnny Morton names. The people of Detroit suffer and cry for our help.

But what can we do? We are but fans of a single team, distant in both miles and conferences. We cannot take the war to Detroit. Detroit is thousands of miles from here unless you drive directly there.
But there is something we can do. It was proven to me a few weeks ago, during the pregame of the New Orleans-Carolina game. The announcers were outside the stadium doing their show, and there, amidst the crowd of expansion Carolina fans, was a lone member of the resistance, a resolute individual holding up a sign that said, “Fire Millen”. He was fighting the battle from afar, lighting the fires of a grassroot rebellion that will, with our help, become a conflagration from coast to coast.

Let us do the same as this solitary hero. Let us show our solidarity with the downtrodden masses of Detroit. We must vanquish the evil of Matt Millen, and let the sunshine return to the lands of the frozen, silent north. Carry “Fire Millen” signs with you to your nearest game, to your local newscasts, and to the grocery store in case you run into William Clay Ford there buying Flutie Flakes. Let us rid the NFL of this scourge, this villain, this….former Raider… that calls itself Matt Millen. The nobility that we show will be returned tenfold as our liberating forces free the streets of Detroit and remove the shackles of despair from the hearts and ankles of our countrymen. We will hold their hearts forever, and they shall be our allies until the end of time.

Now go forth! Go forth in the name of liberation and drive Matt Millen from power! Perhaps they will someday do the same for us and free us from an entrenched, despotic general manager.

Someday soon.

Real soon.

Like maybe now.

Rain Man
11-08-2007, 08:49 PM
OK, how the hell do you break a tooth eating soup? Or did you read the childrens book 'stone soup' and had to give it a try?

Truth is stranger than fiction sometimes. I was eating my soup, and CRUNCH! There went a piece of tooth. Makes me glad I didn't order nachos.

chagrin
11-09-2007, 06:24 AM
I was considering having my tooth yanked out and have an implant but the dentist made a big deal about it and suggested that I have the root canal instead. Anyway I made the decision to have the root canal instead and looking at your picture there and description, I am glad I did.

Chief Pote
11-09-2007, 06:32 AM
Truth is stranger than fiction sometimes. I was eating my soup, and CRUNCH! There went a piece of tooth. Makes me glad I didn't order nachos.

Please tell me that you didn't swallow the piece of tooth. Medical experts have determined that "tooth" can not be digested very well.

HypnotizedMonkey
11-09-2007, 07:46 AM
breaking your teeth eating soup! now I've heard everything... might wanna lay off the amphetamines. lol

-Slick

Groves
11-09-2007, 07:58 AM
Sucking on Jim's boner the rest of your life. On top of that it's leaking fluids. It's your life, man, glad it's working out.

Otter
11-09-2007, 08:04 AM
What if this Jim was not only a statistical bafoon but also an obtuse and tedious message board poster? I don't have a good feeling about this Rainman!

Quick, what's the definition of "True" Mean and Confidence Interval? Have you found blueballs posts suddenly appealing and creative?

:hmmm:

kepp
11-09-2007, 08:55 AM
Is bone considered an organ? So "Jim" would really be a bone donor...or "bonor", if you will.

Groves
11-09-2007, 09:39 AM
By the look of the picture, it looks like Jim was "ribbed", too.

Rain Man
11-10-2007, 12:40 AM
This has become significantly less fun in the past 24 hours. I think they accidentally implanted a golf ball in my jaw instead of a screw. Jim is not happy about it.

Bob Dole
11-10-2007, 01:27 AM
I was considering having my tooth yanked out and have an implant but the dentist made a big deal about it and suggested that I have the root canal instead. Anyway I made the decision to have the root canal instead and looking at your picture there and description, I am glad I did.

Bob Dole's boss had 6 implants done without any major problems. It appears to be like a lot of other oral surgeries--extremely variable.

Bob Dole has 4 impacted wisdom teeth cut out at 10am and went to work at 10pm, and never filled the painkiller script. Bob Dole's wife just had 2 of hers pulled and was sick in bed bleeding and varmicking for a week.