panic! htf do you make turkey?

[Fly O.T. McWall]

having an early thanksgiving on saturday with family. i'm making turkey!

****!

how do you do it? ive read lots of things on here about brining, stuff like that... HELP!

what temp do i go for if i scrap the little popup pregnant-lady bellybutton timer thingy and put in a probe therm?

dammit carl! :cuss: :banghead:

[Mr. Plow]

The best method is to leave the turkey in the freezer until an hour before you are supposed to eat it.

Ask my wife.......

[FAX]

Question: "htf do you make turkey?"

1. Get boy turkey.
2. Get girl turkey.
3. Put on soft jazz.
4. Light candles.
5. Wait.

FAX

[the Talking Can]

cook till 80 degrees in deepest part, serve

wait for friends and family to die

rifle through wallets

[Pushead2]

Take Gasoline and light, be done in about 13min.

[Fly O.T. McWall]

Question: "htf do you make turkey?"

1. Get boy turkey.
2. Get girl turkey.
3. Put on soft jazz.
4. Light candles.
5. Wait.

FAX
miles davis or john coltrane?

or kenny g?

[Pushead2]

cook till 80 degrees in deepest part, serve

wait for friends and family to die

rifle through wallets


ROFL

[Fly O.T. McWall]

you people are no help at all.

[the Talking Can]

on a serious note, find a BBQ place that smokes turkey...pull out credit card...

[Mr. Plow]

you people are no help at all.


Oh, give it 2-3 pages. You'll get one or two idiots that will actually answer your question.

[Fly O.T. McWall]

on a serious note, find a BBQ place that smokes turkey...pull out credit card...
can't. makin' it. all home cooked n shit. f-i-l doing stuffing.

[Mr. Plow]

can't. makin' it. all home cooked n shit. f-i-l doing stuffing.


You can lie.

[Quiet Storm]

Turkey Tuesday...just fry it bro.

LMAO

[RJ]

There's lots of info on the interweb thingy.

Seriously, I use the brined and roasted turkey recipe from Alton Brown on Food Network. I've done this the past 3 or 4 years, been great every time.


http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/recipes/recipe/0,,FOOD_9936_8389,00.html

[Pushead2]

http://www.catalogs.com/info/kitchen/how-to-cook-a-turkey.html

1. Preheat oven to 325. Remove the wrapper to see how much the turkey weighs and determine approximate cooking time. Remove the giblet bag and the neck from the turkey cavity. Wash the turkey inside and out and pat skin dry with paper towels.

2. Place turkey breast side up on a rack in a shallow (about 2 inches deep) roasting pan. Insert meat thermometer in thigh. Add 1/2 cup water to the bottom of pan, if desired.

3. Cover turkey loosely with a tent of heavy-duty aluminum foil. Roast the turkey until temperature in the thickest part of the thigh reaches 180°F. Cooking time will vary. For example, a 20 pound turkey will take 4 1/4 to 5 hours to cook, check the temperature on the thermometer after 4 1/4 hours.

4. Meanwhile, mix the stuffing or dressing. Place in a casserole and pop it into the oven during the last hour or so of roasting time.

5. Remove the foil tent after 1 to 1 1/2 hours of cooking time to brown the skin. Brush with vegetable oil to enhance browning, if desired.

6. A whole turkey is done when the temperature reaches 180°F. The thigh juices should run clear (not pink) when pierced with a fork and the leg joint should move freely.

7. Allow the turkey to set 20 to 30 minutes before carving to allow juices to saturate the meat evenly.
Note: Cooking times do vary. Why? There are many reasons - oven temperature may not be completely accurate, the turkey may be very cold or partially frozen, and/or the roasting pan may be too small which inhibits the flow of heat. The USDA highly recommends use of a meat thermometer to determine doneness of turkey. This is an important tool in learning how to cook a turkey.

Stuffed Turkey:
For uniform cooking results, the USDA recommends cooking the stuffing outside of the bird (see step 4 above) If you insist on stuffing the turkey, stuff loosely and follow the steps below.

1. See step one above

2. Mix stuffing and lightly fill cavity. Allow 1/2 to 3/4 cup stuffing per pound of turkey. It is safer to understuff than to overstuff the turkey. Stuffing expands during cooking. Refrigerate any leftover stuffing and bake in greased casserole during the last hour of turkey roasting time.

3. Place turkey breast side up on a rack in a shallow (about 2 inches deep) roasting pan. Insert meat thermometer in thigh (see Turkey Safety: Using a Thermometer). Add up to 1/2 cup water to the bottom of the pan, if desired.

4. Cover turkey loosely with a tent of heavy-duty aluminum foil. Cooking time takes longer for a stuffed turkey. For example, a 20 pound stuffed turkey will take 4 1/4 to 5 1/2 hours to cook.

5. Remove the foil cover after about 1 to 1 1/2 hours of cooking to brown the skin. Brush with vegetable oil to enhance browning, if desired.

6. A whole turkey is done when the temperature in the thickest part of the inner thigh reaches 180°F and the stuffing is 165°F. The juices should run clear (not pink) when a long-tined fork is used to pierce the thickest part of the thigh.

7. Check the internal temperature of the stuffing. Insert the thermometer through the cavity into the thickest part of the stuffing and leave it for 5 minutes. Or use an instant red thermometer which will register the temperature after 15 seconds. The stuffing temperature will rise a few degrees after the turkey is removed from the oven. If the center of the stuffing has not reached 165°F after stand time, return the turkey to the oven and continue cooking.

Now you know how to cook a turkey. Enjoy!

[Mr. Plow]

See......it didn't even take 2-3 pages.

[MIAdragon]

Publix......

[Sully]

miles davis or john coltrane?

or kenny g?
If you like dark meat, you may wanna go with Boyz II Men, or Brian McKnight.

If you want the turkey to be young... and possibly a little salty, you may want to go with R Kelly.

[xbarretx]

can't. makin' it. all home cooked n shit. f-i-l doing stuffing.

there should be directions that come with it. make sure yuo dont cook it upside down (no joke my dad did that and i havent let him live it down since ;) )

here you go bro, easy recipes and you can pick whichever you choose.

http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/et_hd_thanksgiving/text/0,1972,FOOD_9845_38050,00.html

this is my favorite:

1 (14 to 16 pound) frozen young turkey
For the brine:
1 cup kosher salt
1/2 cup light brown sugar
1 gallon vegetable stock
1 tablespoon black peppercorns
1/2 tablespoon allspice berries
1/2 tablespoon candied ginger
1 gallon iced water
For the aromatics:
1 red apple, sliced
1/2 onion, sliced
1 cinnamon stick
1 cup water
4 sprigs rosemary
6 leaves sage
Canola oil

Combine all brine ingredients, except ice water, in a stockpot, and bring to a boil. Stir to dissolve solids, then remove from heat, cool to room temperature, and refrigerate until thoroughly chilled.
Early on the day of cooking, (or late the night before) combine the brine and ice water in a clean 5-gallon bucket. Place thawed turkey breast side down in brine, cover, and refrigerate or set in cool area (like a basement) for 6 hours. Turn turkey over once, half way through brining.

A few minutes before roasting, heat oven to 500 degrees. Combine the apple, onion, cinnamon stick, and cup of water in a microwave safe dish and microwave on high for 5 minutes.

Remove bird from brine and rinse inside and out with cold water. Discard brine.

Place bird on roasting rack inside wide, low pan and pat dry with paper towels. Add steeped aromatics to cavity along with rosemary and sage. Tuck back wings and coat whole bird liberally with canola (or other neutral) oil.

Roast on lowest level of the oven at 500 degrees F. for 30 minutes. Remove from oven and cover breast with double layer of aluminum foil, insert probe thermometer into thickest part of the breast and return to oven, reducing temperature to 350 degrees F. Set thermometer alarm (if available) to 161 degrees. A 14 to 16 pound bird should require a total of 2 to 2 1/2 hours of roasting. Let turkey rest, loosely covered for 15 minutes before carving.

[the Talking Can]

watched this on Good Eats last night:

Good Eats Roast Turkey
Recipe courtesy Alton Brown
Show: Good Eats
Episode: Romancing the Bird (A Good Eats Thanksgiving)
Good Eats Roast Turkey
Go to Food Network's Thanksgiving Menu

1 (14 to 16 pound) frozen young turkey
For the brine:
1 cup kosher salt
1/2 cup light brown sugar
1 gallon vegetable stock
1 tablespoon black peppercorns
1/2 tablespoon allspice berries
1/2 tablespoon candied ginger
1 gallon iced water
For the aromatics:
1 red apple, sliced
1/2 onion, sliced
1 cinnamon stick
1 cup water
4 sprigs rosemary
6 leaves sage
Canola oil

Combine all brine ingredients, except ice water, in a stockpot, and bring to a boil. Stir to dissolve solids, then remove from heat, cool to room temperature, and refrigerate until thoroughly chilled.

Early on the day of cooking, (or late the night before) combine the brine and ice water in a clean 5-gallon bucket. Place thawed turkey breast side down in brine, cover, and refrigerate or set in cool area (like a basement) for 6 hours. Turn turkey over once, half way through brining.

A few minutes before roasting, heat oven to 500 degrees. Combine the apple, onion, cinnamon stick, and cup of water in a microwave safe dish and microwave on high for 5 minutes.

Remove bird from brine and rinse inside and out with cold water. Discard brine.

Place bird on roasting rack inside wide, low pan and pat dry with paper towels. Add steeped aromatics to cavity along with rosemary and sage. Tuck back wings and coat whole bird liberally with canola (or other neutral) oil.

Roast on lowest level of the oven at 500 degrees F. for 30 minutes. Remove from oven and cover breast with double layer of aluminum foil, insert probe thermometer into thickest part of the breast and return to oven, reducing temperature to 350 degrees F. Set thermometer alarm (if available) to 161 degrees. A 14 to 16 pound bird should require a total of 2 to 2 1/2 hours of roasting. Let turkey rest, loosely covered for 15 minutes before carving.turkey turkey (http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/recipes/recipe/0,,FOOD_9936_8389,00.html)

[xbarretx]

watched this on Good Eats last night:

Good Eats Roast Turkey
Recipe courtesy Alton Brown
Show: Good Eats
Episode: Romancing the Bird (A Good Eats Thanksgiving)
Good Eats Roast Turkey
Go to Food Network's Thanksgiving Menu

1 (14 to 16 pound) frozen young turkey
For the brine:
1 cup kosher salt
1/2 cup light brown sugar
1 gallon vegetable stock
1 tablespoon black peppercorns
1/2 tablespoon allspice berries
1/2 tablespoon candied ginger
1 gallon iced water
For the aromatics:
1 red apple, sliced
1/2 onion, sliced
1 cinnamon stick
1 cup water
4 sprigs rosemary
6 leaves sage
Canola oil

Combine all brine ingredients, except ice water, in a stockpot, and bring to a boil. Stir to dissolve solids, then remove from heat, cool to room temperature, and refrigerate until thoroughly chilled.

Early on the day of cooking, (or late the night before) combine the brine and ice water in a clean 5-gallon bucket. Place thawed turkey breast side down in brine, cover, and refrigerate or set in cool area (like a basement) for 6 hours. Turn turkey over once, half way through brining.

A few minutes before roasting, heat oven to 500 degrees. Combine the apple, onion, cinnamon stick, and cup of water in a microwave safe dish and microwave on high for 5 minutes.

Remove bird from brine and rinse inside and out with cold water. Discard brine.

Place bird on roasting rack inside wide, low pan and pat dry with paper towels. Add steeped aromatics to cavity along with rosemary and sage. Tuck back wings and coat whole bird liberally with canola (or other neutral) oil.

Roast on lowest level of the oven at 500 degrees F. for 30 minutes. Remove from oven and cover breast with double layer of aluminum foil, insert probe thermometer into thickest part of the breast and return to oven, reducing temperature to 350 degrees F. Set thermometer alarm (if available) to 161 degrees. A 14 to 16 pound bird should require a total of 2 to 2 1/2 hours of roasting. Let turkey rest, loosely covered for 15 minutes before carving.turkey turkey (http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/recipes/recipe/0Hello - commatard on the loose.FOOD_9936_8389,00.html)

nice bro :)

Elton is the MAN!

JINX!!!!!

[Fly O.T. McWall]

You can lie.
it's a lot harder to lie when the FIL wants to stuff it... we're doing 2 birds cause there's gonna be 30 people there.

[Hog's Gone Fishin]

You need to visit this site: www.TooStupidToCookATurkey.com (http://www.TooStupidToCookATurkey.com)

[Donger]

having an early thanksgiving on saturday with family. i'm making turkey!

****!

how do you do it? ive read lots of things on here about brining, stuff like that... HELP!

what temp do i go for if i scrap the little popup pregnant-lady bellybutton timer thingy and put in a probe therm?

dammit carl! :cuss: :banghead:

Have wife do it.

[the Talking Can]

Brown says your bird will be dead dry if you cook until that toy thermometer pops....his recipe says 161

[Stewie]

If you've never cooked one, buy a box of these and follow the directions. They're fool proof. You don't want to screw up the main dish if you're cooking for lots of people.

[MIAdragon]

You need to visit this site: www.TooStupidToCookATurkey.com (http://www.TooStupidToCookATurkey.com)

ROFL

[xbarretx]

Brown says your bird will be dead dry if you cook until that toy thermometer pops....his recipe says 161

that always reminds me of that scene from christmas vacation. ya know he cuts it and it defates like a B-ball LOL!

[Mr. Plow]

You could always try one deep fried. That shit is good. And it's pretty easy. But, you can burn your house, your neighbors house.....pretty much your entire block down though.

[Wile_E_Coyote]

I've tasted one that was done a grill. They kept rubbing sticks of butter on it. It was damn good. But then again I was so drunk and hungry...

[Fly O.T. McWall]

Brown says your bird will be dead dry if you cook until that toy thermometer pops....his recipe says 161
that's why i came here. i heard that a while back, but never done it. that's also why i didn't want to follow the directions on the turkey. turkey bag doesn't come with brining instructions and alwyas has you overcook it because of the little turkey timer thingies that suck.

[xbarretx]

You could always try one deep fried. That shit is good.

mr plow thats my name that name again is mr plow!

[Fly O.T. McWall]

You need to visit this site: www.TooStupidToCookATurkey.com (http://www.TooStupidToCookATurkey.com)
i can follow directions... read http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showpost.php?p=4370036&postcount=31... you see why i didn't WANT to.

dick.

[xbarretx]

i can't follow directions... read http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showpost.php?p=4370036&postcount=31... you see why i didn't WANT to.

dick.

dude check the talking can and I's post on page two. easy peazy...japaneasy (quote - Shawshank redemption)

[Fly O.T. McWall]

dude check the talking can and I's post on page two. easy peazy...japaneasy (quote - Shawshank redemption)
i know. i sent rep. that's the kinda stuff iwas looking for!

[xbarretx]

i know. i sent rep. that's the kinda stuff iwas looking for!

you sir are a gentlman and a scholor.

Thank goodness for the food network. if i could only get that Giada over to my place (cant spell her name) id be set for life!!!!

[Fly O.T. McWall]

you sir are a gentlman and a scholor.

Thank goodness for the food network. if i could only get that Giada over to my place (cant spell her name) id be set for life!!!!
that' chick preggers now. her bewbies are gonna flat fall out of her blouses!

PBJ

[Skip Towne]

My wife used to cook the turkey inside a paper bag. I don't know why.

[xbarretx]

that' chick preggers now. her bewbies are gonna flat fall out of her blouses!

PBJ


;) :hmmm: ROFL

[Hog's Gone Fishin]

i can follow directions... read http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showpost.php?p=4370036&postcount=31... you see why i didn't WANT to.

dick.

I don't mean to be a dick! Maybe try this one instead.

www.I'mandidiot.com (http://www.I'mandidiot.com)

[Fly O.T. McWall]

used the brine from alton brown... good shti. will do again, for sure.

[milkman]

I think you have to start by getting a male turkey together with a female turkey, then let nature run it's course.

[KcMizzou]

Turkey's really very simple. I always use the big oven bags, butter that sucker up and cook it till it's done. Very difficult to screw up.

Just don't forget to take the bag o' organs and the neck out.

[KcMizzou]

If you've never cooked one, buy a box of these and follow the directions. They're fool proof. You don't want to screw up the main dish if you're cooking for lots of people.Bingo.

If you can't do it using these, you're hopeless.

[blueballs]

try it from the neck hole end

[Simply Red]

Question: "htf do you make turkey?"

1. Get boy turkey.
2. Get girl turkey.
3. Put on soft jazz.
4. Light candles.
5. Wait.

FAX

ROFL ROFL ROFL
Just may be your best. ;)

[Mr. Laz]

used the brine from alton brown... good shti. will do again, for sure.
Alton Brown powns Chuck Norris

[Phobia]

I fry and smoke birds. I prefer frying. There is no other way beyond those methods IMO.

[Skip Towne]

My buddy is going to fry a turkey for me tomorrow. He said that one time he fired up his deep fryer and needed it to get to 375 before dropping the turkey. He thought he had plenty of time to run to town before the oil got hot. Sure enough, when he got back the guage read 378. Perfect timing. He dropped the turkey and when he pulled it up 45 minutes later the thing was totally black. He turned off the heat and watched the gauge drop to zero then keep going around the dial till it hit zero again. He had cooked that turkey at 800 degrees. He said they scraped the black off and it was very good. Turkeys are tough birds.

[Phobia]

Your buddy was lying. The flash point of peanut oil is around 600 degrees.

[Thig Lyfe]

I think you have to start by getting a male turkey together with a female turkey, then let nature run it's course.

FAX's was funnier.

[Extra Point]

We have a gob of Reynolds turkey bags, but I wanna cut him in thirds Wed. evening, then rub him down with ground poultry seasoning, garlic powder and cracked pepper, then throw him in a trash bag an oblong cake pan in the fridge for a couple hours. After being bored with TV on Wed nite, I'll rub on him some worcestershire and soy sauce and Angustura bitters, then put him backl in the trash bag and put him in the fridge over nite.

Gonna fire up a chimney full of coals at 8 am, put him on the grill with his split back, thights & leg sections nestled around his white section, over an oblong cake pan with 1-3/4" of water in it, with a half a full chimney of coals on either side of the pan.

Gonna play the Turkey Bowl at 9, having the old lady flip his parts and put a handful of brickets on either side of the pan every hour.

Gonna come home slightly drunk at 1 pm, throw a Pale Ale in the water pan, then let him stew over it for 45 mins. No more coals, and no more peeking. Whatever happens next, happens next.

Then I'm gonna hear everybody rant and rave over the spiral-cut ham my sister brought later.

Dinner is at 2 pm. Or is it 3 pm?

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody.

[Extra Point]

Oh, shit. I left out the basting with the sauted margarine and juices left over from the overnite marinade. That'll piss the old lady off. That comes at 11 am.

[Skip Towne]

Your buddy was lying. The flash point of peanut oil is around 600 degrees.
He was using vegetable oil. The high test kind.