From the "I failed as a parent department"

[wutamess]

I have a question.

Do you guys view whooping your kids as a necessity or a wrongdoing?

I say this because when my sister asks me what she should do to "punish" her kids(s) for something they've done., I tell her to "beat them". Beat them means whooping with a belt or a switch. Not an actual beating.

Anyhow... last month her 5 year old in Kindergarten was busted for stealing candy from the teacher. My sis asked me what she should do. I told her to stomp it with a sledge hammer (whooping, 1 week punishment, and have to apologize in front of class).

Sis & Bro-n-law decide to punish her for a week and tell her, "next time they're calling the police to take her to jail".

That was last month... so while my sister is jogging/walking this morning she decides to run by the school and check on the daughter at school (pop-up visit). The teacher asks, "did you get my letter"? Basically it was a letter explaining that the daughter had been caught stealing candy from the teacher again. The daughter hid the letter and she wouldn't have known anything about it if she didn't make the pop-up visit.

Now she's going to get a whooping (I'm thinking/hoping).

My issue is... (Not saying I'm right) but I believe in stomping small problems out with a sledge hammer so that the child will KNOW that they don't wanna go down that road again.

My 10 yo (girl) got a good one with pants down coupla months ago because teacher said she wants to show out in class and be disruptive. She also received 1 week punishment and I changed my mind about reading letter in front of class and made her apologize to the teacher personally.

Last time we got a call from the teacher was when she was in 1st or 2nd grade. Hopefully we won't get another one as she WOULDN'T want to go down that road again.

What are you guys thought about whoopings and how would you handle the situation(s) (not knowing the outcomes of what I just told you)?

[wutamess]

Part II: I was reading a website that said kids shouldn't be whooped before a certain age. I used to think that until I came across hell himself (my son/2 yo).

He's a splitting image of me and the way I used to be. I got whooped daily. It was so bad, I remember asking my mom if she was proud of me because I didn't get a whooping that day.

Since he's a splitting image of me, he's also the most affectionate of the kids (NTTAWWT) to everyone. But my sister seems to think that you have to be the kids friend (when timeouts and punishments don't work).

What are your thoughts.

My 3yo (girl), all you have to do is tell her you're going to get a belt and you could've swore she received a 10 minute whooping. She's the sensitive one that hardly ever gets whooped.

[MIAdragon]

I think there is a time and place for everything.

[el borracho]

"Next time I will call the police" won't work because it is an empty threat (No one will really call the police and, even if they did, the police are not going to do anything to a five year old). I am not a parent but I can tell you that empty threats did not work with me as a kid.

[keg in kc]

This should be interesting.

[Eleazar]

I got it all the time. But I can remember it, and I remember there was a certain age where it stopped working and other kinds of punishment would be more effective.

[Hog's Gone Fishin]

I think kids need to have the shit beat out of them, in a Loving way though.

[backburner]

It was so bad, I remember asking my mom if she was proud of me because I didn't get a whooping that day.


I remember doing that. My father beat me silly when I was little. But by middle school, I was so scared he'd kill me I didn't dare **** up at all. About a year ago I hit him back. He called the cops on me and had me arrested. asshole.

If I have kids I won't beat them too much. But an ass whooping is in order if they don't want to mind.

[wutamess]

I think there is a time and place for everything.

Could you elaborate?

[BigRedChief]

I've never laid a hand on my son. Ever. The whole point is not to force your kids to make right choices but to come to the conclusion on their own.

By beating/spanking your child you are forcing them to bend to your will. Obey or you will be physically harmed. That may keep them from taking the candy this week but what about all the other limits that we have to define for our children?

My son is one of the most strong willed/stubborn kids I've ever seen. It's worked for us.

But I don't think parents that spank their kids are bad parents. Just not what was right for us.

[Pablo]

I know when my brother and I stepped out of line my dad got us right back in it. Really damn fast. And I appreciate that.

Whether it's as simple as a talk, or as harsh as an ass-beatin, you should let them know from the get-go how you handle things. I think a tiny bit of fear is a healthy thing. You don't want your kids to be terrified of you, just need to let them know that you aren't putting up with any sort of bullsh*t, and if they want to pull it, there are serious consequences.

I got a baby boy on the way in March, and I'll make sure he knows I'm serious, and that respect and civility go a long way in this world, whether it's his parents or his teachers.

[Hog's Gone Fishin]

I remember doing that. My father beat me silly when I was little. But by middle school, I was so scared he'd kill me I didn't dare **** up at all. About a year ago I hit him back. He called the cops on me and had me arrested. asshole.

If I have kids I won't beat them too much. But an ass whooping is in order if they don't want to mind.

Looks like he didn't beat you enough in my opinion.

[Fish]

Force them to be Chiefs fans..... that'll learn em......

[Pablo]

Force them to be Chiefs fans..... that'll learn em......Haha..they'll probably learn to curse from me watching Chiefs games. I'm usually pretty good about watching what I say, especially around children, but sometimes it's very very hard not to curse at the TV when our beloved Chiefs are playing.

[kepp]

"Spare the rod, spoil the child."

A lot of the problems in society stem from spoiled, undisciplined childhoods. Unfortunately, that's where the U.S. is trending with all the PC/let's not damage their psyche BS. Kids aren't learning about reality.

[kepp]

I remember doing that. My father beat me silly when I was little. But by middle school, I was so scared he'd kill me I didn't dare **** up at all. About a year ago I hit him back. He called the cops on me and had me arrested. asshole.

If I have kids I won't beat them too much. But an ass whooping is in order if they don't want to mind.
And you still cheat on your homework.

[FAX]

There's nothing wrong with corporal punishment, Mr. wutamess. Nothing whatsoever. Heck, if that crazy lady hadn't beaten the living crap out of Helen Keller, she wouldn't have ever graduated from college.

This sounds like a right/wrong processing problem, though. I wonder if the little girl actually realizes that taking the candy is "bad"?

FAX

[wutamess]

I've never laid a hand on my son. Ever. The whole point is not to force your kids to make right choices but to come to the conclusion on their own.

By beating/spanking your child you are forcing them to bend to your will. Obey or you will be physically harmed. That may keep them from taking the candy this week but what about all the other limits that we have to define for our children?

That's fine and dandy to an extent.

My 10yo I can count on 1 hand how many whoppings she's gotten in the last 5 yrs. 3 I remember are, 1 for lying to me (I teach my kids to NEVER lie to me) & & 2 for the teacher calls.

My 2yo it's a daily holiday for things like not listening. He can't make a decision not to "come here" when I call him. I WILL FORCE MY WILL ON HIM to be obedient/ respectful to his elders.

My 3 yo girl I can probably count on 1.5 hands how many whoopings she's gotten and most of those are from lying to stay out of trouble.

They aren't really "life decision" whoopings, they're a make them mindful & respectful whoopings.

[tooge]

that is a tough one. I tell my kids what the rules are, and they are general (ie. respect your teachers and other parents). I tell them that I will be on the side of the teacher/parent, and so I better not hear about them doing something disrespectful to them. If they do something wrong, I insist on a direct appology to the offended party wether it be me, my wife, brother or sister, or a teacher. I tell em if it happens again they are getting a "pants down spanking". I have had to spank the kids about 8 to 10 times. It works for me. Open communication with your kids is key

[wutamess]

This sounds like a right/wrong processing problem, though. I wonder if the little girl actually realizes that taking the candy is "bad"?
FAX

She's aware because she didn't want the Police to be called.
She was aware before she stole the candy also.
She's VERY intelligent for her age.

[ChiefsCountry]

I got my ass whooped a few times, it makes you learn real quick. It had to come from dad though, mom trying it would just make me laugh. But all mom had to say was dont make me call your father, and it would normally stop.

[BIG_DADDY]

Massachusetts is passing a law to ban all spanking.

[Pitt Gorilla]

If you're getting spanked all the time, it's probably not an effective punishment. I was spanked twice my entire childhood. To this point, I haven't had to spank either of my children. If one of them acts up, we take away (or threaten to) a privilege like reading or playing basketball. They understand that they are making choices. So far, they seem to be really good kids, so I can't say that it's our "system" that makes it work.

[wutamess]

Massachusetts is passing a law to ban all spanking.


That's what made me think post this.
Because I originally had her (my 10yo) make an apology letter to be read in front of the class. At the end of the letter, there was going to be something to the effect of... " If I fail to meet any of the requirements of me, my parents will be notified and I shall receive another whooping".

Then I thought... "Will they be dumb enough to call DFS" So I tore it up and told her if she did it again she'd have to read it to the class on top of the other stuff.

[BucEyedPea]

I don't think there should be laws against spanking.
I'm not against spanking, but I am against it for certain things and when done because a parent can't control their anger.

One week punishment after a spanking for a 5 year old is really much too harsh imo. There's no need to be a tyrant. Some of these kids become hellions in rebellion for that. My dad was like that and I hated him for it....and ran away numerous times.

It never worked with my kid, and I only did maybe 3 times, delivered calming without angry words and insults. I always got "That didn't hurt! That didn't hurt," said in a sing-song tone. Taking something away from her, or keeping her in for a day worked much better anyways.

Imo, kids out of control are not getting enough parental attention or time with them, including good communication. I've hardly had to discipline my daughter as a result.

[BigRedChief]

That's fine and dandy to an extent.

My 10yo I can count on 1 hand how many whoppings she's gotten in the last 5 yrs. 3 I remember are, 1 for lying to me (I teach my kids to NEVER lie to me) & & 2 for the teacher calls.

My 2yo it's a daily holiday for things like not listening. He can't make a decision not to "come here" when I call him. I WILL FORCE MY WILL ON HIM to be obedient/ respectful to his elders.

My 3 yo girl I can probably count on 1.5 hands how many whoopings she's gotten and most of those are from lying to stay out of trouble.

They aren't really "life decision" whoopings, they're a make them mindful & respectful whoopings.
And I'm not saying you are wrong.

I'd just rather my son to choose on his own to be mindful and respectful without the threat or actual physical harm coming to him from his Dad.

[Nightfyre]

"Spare the rod, spoil the child."

A lot of the problems in society stem from spoiled, undisciplined childhoods. Unfortunately, that's where the U.S. is trending with all the PC/let's not damage their psyche BS. Kids aren't learning about reality.
Right.... :rolleyes:

[wutamess]

It never worked with my kid, and I only did maybe 3 times, delivered calming without angry words and insults. I always got "That didn't hurt! That didn't hurt," said in a sing-song tone. Taking something away from her, or keeping her in for a day worked much better anyways.

She was put on punishment for a week and had everything taken away. Told she would get a whooping the next time she did it & told she would get the Police called on her (which was dumb to me).

[Demonpenz]

Do whatever works, and don't comment if you don't have kids because you don't know what it's like.

demon/penz

[trndobrd]

I'm convinced that the consistency of punishment is more important than form. It has to be "if A then B" every time, not just when the parent feels like dealing with it, is angry or embarassed.

A child that knows EVERY time he stands in his chair at the dinner table he will not be allowed to watch TV that night is going to be better behaved then a child that gets spanked for standing in his chair at a restaurant because his parents are embarassed, but gets away with it at home.

[Garcia Bronco]

Spare the rod, spoil the child

[kcxiv]

I've never laid a hand on my son. Ever. The whole point is not to force your kids to make right choices but to come to the conclusion on their own.

By beating/spanking your child you are forcing them to bend to your will. Obey or you will be physically harmed. That may keep them from taking the candy this week but what about all the other limits that we have to define for our children?

My son is one of the most strong willed/stubborn kids I've ever seen. It's worked for us.

But I don't think parents that spank their kids are bad parents. Just not what was right for us.
Not all kids are the same. my Neighbor has 2 daughters that she loves both equally, but 1 is kind of bad, while the other is an angel and minds. All kids are different. Each has to be handled in a different way. What works for 1 kid, does not work for another kid.

I also have a 9 year old nephew, who is a good kid, but he tries to be the class clown. lol He gets in trouble for it quite a bit. My sister goes, i dont knwo what to do about that. I have taken everythign away and he doesnt mind sitting in his room doing nothing. lol

[KCFalcon59]

My daughter is 12 and my son is 9. I have spanked my daughter once I believe. I have spanked my son maybe 5 times. Each time they deserved it. When I say spanked it means one good hard swat on the ass. Then I sat them down after they have thought about it and I explain to them why what it was they did wrong and why.

It's been years since I have spanked my kids.

[Donger]

I just have to look at my kids a certain way, and they know to knock it off. I've only ever whacked them on the ass a few times, not hard and not bare skin.

[Garcia Bronco]

I've never laid a hand on my son. Ever. The whole point is not to force your kids to make right choices but to come to the conclusion on their own.



There is a time to do this. Like anything regarding a leader ship role, parents have to set the example. Sometimes it's appropriate to lead by inspiration, and other times it's a necessity to lead by authority and bend the child(no pun ) to your will. Because you are God so to say, and God's will be done.

If you beat your kids all the time though...it loses all meaning.

[BIG_DADDY]

That's what made me think post this.
Because I originally had her (my 10yo) make an apology letter to be read in front of the class. At the end of the letter, there was going to be something to the effect of... " If I fail to meet any of the requirements of me, my parents will be notified and I shall receive another whooping".

Then I thought... "Will they be dumb enough to call DFS" So I tore it up and told her if she did it again she'd have to read it to the class on top of the other stuff.

There are so many PC MF'ers out there now you can't even joke about something anymore.

[Nightfyre]

My 2yo it's a daily holiday for things like not listening. He can't make a decision not to "come here" when I call him. I WILL FORCE MY WILL ON HIM to be obedient/ respectful to his elders.

Dude, its a two year-old. Get some perspective.

[Dartgod]

I've never laid a hand on my son. Ever. The whole point is not to force your kids to make right choices but to come to the conclusion on their own.

By beating/spanking your child you are forcing them to bend to your will. Obey or you will be physically harmed. That may keep them from taking the candy this week but what about all the other limits that we have to define for our children?

My son is one of the most strong willed/stubborn kids I've ever seen. It's worked for us.

But I don't think parents that spank their kids are bad parents. Just not what was right for us.
Your kid is a freakin' Bronco fan. A beating or ten would have cured him of that.

Some Dad you are...

[BIG_DADDY]

And I'm not saying you are wrong.

I'd just rather my son to choose on his own to be mindful and respectful without the threat or actual physical harm coming to him from his Dad.

Because when they get out in the real world they will never be threatened with anything physical if they choose to do wrong.

[KCFalcon59]

Massachusetts is passing a law to ban all spanking.

What happened to the government staying out of the bedroom? oh wait. wrong spanking. my bad.

[wutamess]

Dude, its a two year-old (FROM HELL). Get some perspective.

MY WILL!
MY WILL!
ROFL

Do you have kids? I know it sounds bad (2yo), but I was the same way and I got hella whoopings. Teach them when they're young, when they're older the whoopings get less & less.

(I thank my mother today for my whoopings too).

[BigRedChief]

Not all kids are the same. my Neighbor has 2 daughters that she loves both equally, but 1 is kind of bad, while the other is an angel and minds. All kids are different. Each has to be handled in a different way. What works for 1 kid, does not work for another kid.

I also have a 9 year old nephew, who is a good kid, but he tries to be the class clown. lol He gets in trouble for it quite a bit. My sister goes, i dont knwo what to do about that. I have taken everythign away and he doesnt mind sitting in his room doing nothing. lol
One of the reasons that I took the path me did is my personal experience. I was also a very strong willed kid. If I didn't want to sdo something I wouldn't do it. You could ground me, spank me, take away stuff that I wanted it didn't matter if I didn't want to corperate.

[Donger]

MY WILL!
MY WILL!

Do you have kids? I know it sounds bad (2yo), but I was the same way and I got hella whoopings. Teach them when they're young, when they're older the whoopings get less & less.

(I thank my mother today for my whoopings too).

Honestly, when I've whacked my kids, I've viewed it as a failure on my part. Think about it: you can't out think a four year old?

[Nightfyre]

MY WILL!
MY WILL!

Do you have kids? I know it sounds bad (2yo), but I was the same way and I got hella whoopings. Teach them when they're young, when they're older the whoopings get less & less.

(I thank my mother today for my whoopings too).
You probably can't even remember when you were 2. No I don't have kids and I don't want them anytime soon. I wonder why your 2 yo would hesitate to come over to you when you beat it every day. :hmmm:

Parents who impose their will on their kids through force is a great sign of weakness to me.

[tooge]

I gotta agree there. I didn't ever spank my kids at two. There is a huge difference between 2 and 4 years old as far a knowing wrong from right and being able to understand consequences. I got wooped pretty good as a youngster (5 til about 12) and turned out fine. I agree with Donger and usually do the same thing. A quick whack to the ass followed by one on one discussion about why.

[wutamess]

Honestly, when I've whacked my kids, I've viewed it as a failure on my part. Think about it: you can't out think a four year old?

2yo

Tell me how do you get a stubborn 2yo to come to you when he's right in front of you when you call him & he just looks at you like you're not saying a damn thing?

I'm also dying to know how you stop a 2yo that's not attached to T.V. etc from standing on the toilet.

How do you stop a 2 yo from pulling his 3yo sisters hair on occasion?

I'm all eyes, Mr. Smart One.

[BucEyedPea]

She was put on punishment for a week and had everything taken away. Told she would get a whooping the next time she did it & told she would get the Police called on her (which was dumb to me).
Well, I'm not gonna say for your kid. But as regards the kid you mentioned stealing, age 5 is not necessarily an age they know all right from wrong. Kids don't go to confession in the RCC until age 7 for a reason. So if it was a first offense I'd teach them it was wrong with a warning that if they did it again they'd be spanked. Give a really young one a chance to learn too.

One time mine, at age 2 took a gold chain from my jewelry box and was playing around with it. I told her it was mine so she had to ask. I told her I was afraid she'd break it because she put it behind her foot like a rope at one point. She insisted she wouldn't.

Anyhow, I got lost in thought...next thing I know she's not playing with it anymore. Later I found it back in my jewlery box broken in half. I didn't punish her automatically, as age 2 was a bit young. I did try to get her to own up to it based on what I told her earlier. I held it up in front of her and asked her if she did this. Naturally, she was scared to admit it and obviously had some self awareness she did something wrong when it broke.

So I promised her I wouldn't not do anything if she just admitted it; that I just wanted to know.You have to make it safe for an admission. I had to ask her over and over for a bit. Then finally, she just put her head down on my bed and cried that "yah, i did it!" They do feel bad when they they know deep down particularly after being warned. I didn't punish her for it though. I can't see it with a 2 year old for a first time. She learned from it and never did it again.

[wutamess]

Parents who impose their will on their kids through force is a great sign of weakness to me.

I'll except that from the kidless advice giver. Your opinion is appreciated.
My sis-n-law was just like you.
She hated us for whooping ANY of our kids.

She's now a convert after dealing personally with the stubborn boy.
BTW, She doesn't have kids either.

[wutamess]

I gotta agree there. I didn't ever spank my kids at two. There is a huge difference between 2 and 4 years old as far a knowing wrong from right and being able to understand consequences. I got wooped pretty good as a youngster (5 til about 12) and turned out fine. I agree with Donger and usually do the same thing. A quick whack to the ass followed by one on one discussion about why.

Maybe I should clarify,
My 2yo gets the whack to the ass. Not an actual whooping.
Although I have whooped him before for certain things (when he's being hard headed).

[Donger]

2yo

Tell me how do you get a stubborn 2yo to come to you when he's right in front of you when you call him & he just looks at you like you're not saying a damn thing?

I'm also dying to know how you stop a 2yo that's not attached to T.V. etc from standing on the toilet.

How do you stop a 2 yo from pulling his 3yo sisters hair on occasion?

I'm all eyes, Mr. Smart One.

Have you considered that he may be doing those things BECAUSE you smack him around? I don't know your child (obviously), but if he is as stubborn as you say he is, beatings probably will only exacerbate the stubbornness.

My son is exactly like his mother, and my girl is just like me (but worse). I know how to get them to do what I want by knowing, and knowing how, to push their buttons. Find a weakness and squeeze.

Again, beatings just aren't my style, especially at two years old and with a belt.

Or, maybe you should just watch some Super Nanny episodes? That woman knows her stuff.

[Nightfyre]

Maybe I should clarify,
My 2yo gets the whack to the ass. Not an actual whooping.
Although I have whooped him before for certain things (when he's being hard headed).
Are we seriously talking about whooping a 2 yo here? Its obviously not working if its a daily affair.

[wutamess]

Have you considered that he may be doing those things BECAUSE you smack him around? I don't know your child (obviously), but if he is as stubborn as you say he is, beatings probably will only exacerbate the stubbornness.

My son is exactly like his mother, and my girl is just like me (but worse). I know how to get them to do what I want by knowing, and knowing how, to push their buttons. Find a weakness and squeeze.

Again, beatings just aren't my style, especially at two years old and with a belt.

Or, maybe you should just watch some Super Nanny episodes? That woman knows her stuff.

That all you got? Watch Super Nanny?
I was really looking forward to some ideas.

[Donger]

Maybe I should clarify,
My 2yo gets the whack to the ass. Not an actual whooping.
Although I have whooped him before for certain things (when he's being hard headed).

So, basically:

1) Your two-year old son is hard-headed.
2) You were/are hard-headed.
3) You were beaten because you were hard-headed.
4) Therefore, you are going to beat your two-year old for being hard-headed.

Is that right?

[wutamess]

Are we seriously talking about whooping a 2 yo here? Its obviously not working if its a daily affair.

Yep, we seriously are.
Daily tappings.
I can count on 1 hand how many times I've whooped him.

Like for writing on the walls after he's been warned 2-3 times before.

[Silock]

I was spanked, and spanked liberally. I'm a big believer in corporal punishment.

Timeouts don't do shit.

[wutamess]

So, basically:

1) Your two-year old son is hard-headed.
2) You were/are hard-headed.
3) You were beaten because you were hard-headed.
4) Therefore, you are going to beat your two-year old for being hard-headed.

Is that right?

you forgot...
5) I think I turned out well for the way I was raised.
6) I appreciate the way I was raised.

[Donger]

That all you got? Watch Super Nanny?
I was really looking forward to some ideas.

I gave you an idea: out-think your children. You're an adult. They are children. You have the experience, and hopefully the knowledge. You know their weaknesses, yes? Exploit them.

[Nightfyre]

Yep, we seriously are.
Daily tappings.
I can count on 1 hand how many times I've whooped him.

Like for writing on the walls after he's been warned 2-3 times before.
How hard is it to keep writing utensils out of a toddlers hands? Who's more hard-headed, the kid writing on the wall or the parent who isn't figuring out how to prevent it?

[tooge]

2yo

Tell me how do you get a stubborn 2yo to come to you when he's right in front of you when you call him & he just looks at you like you're not saying a damn thing?

I'm also dying to know how you stop a 2yo that's not attached to T.V. etc from standing on the toilet.

How do you stop a 2 yo from pulling his 3yo sisters hair on occasion?

I'm all eyes, Mr. Smart One.
I'm no child psychiatrist, but it sounds to me like one of three things. None of which require spankings at his age.
1. Hearing problem (seriously)
2. its called the terrible two's for a reason, kids are learning who they are, they are learning environments, and often times, a second kid will be much more willful than the first to garner attention that they dont get, or didn''t get bacause the parents have "been there done that"
give him time. He will change attitudes somewhat on his own.
3. Communication problem. You may not believe this, but most 2 years olds are very capable of understanding what you want, but not why. Try picking him up, going to a quiet room with no TV and sitting down and telling him why you want him to come to you and get off the toilet etc. He may not be able to understand consequences yet. Bottom line, Patience grasshoppa! Being a parent is the toughest job in the world.

[Donger]

you forgot...
5) I think I turned out well for the way I was raised.
6) I appreciate the way I was raised.

Hey, he's your kid. It just seems that you're justifying your behavior based on your treatment as a child. That's just odd to me. The two are mutually exclusive.

[Donger]

Yep, we seriously are.
Daily tappings.
I can count on 1 hand how many times I've whooped him.

Like for writing on the walls after he's been warned 2-3 times before.

How often and for how long is this child left alone?

[wutamess]

How hard is it to keep writing utensils out of a toddlers hands? Who's more hard-headed, the kid writing on the wall or the parent who isn't figuring out how to prevent it?

OMG... so now I'm supposed to be prisoner in my own home.
How about I teach him to respect things and not worry about having to worry about every thing is childproof?

What if we go over to someone else's home that isn't childproof and he does it. Am I to say... "you should've had that put up".

Think before you type.

I understand things that could harm the child like knives or something but writing utensils? The 10 yo leaves homework out I'm supposed to be all over it?

I DO HAVE A LIFE.

[Donger]

1. Hearing problem (seriously)

Yes, that's a damn good suggestion. One of my brothers-in-law was always yelling at his daughter, who would just look at him. Turns out she had a hearing disorder where she couldn't hear at the frequency of his yelling voice. They got her a hearing aid, and she's a different person.

[BigRedChief]

Your kid is a freakin' Bronco fan. A beating or ten would have cured him of that.

Some Dad you are...
My biggest failure as a parent. :sulk:

But he is a 5th generation Cardinals fan so one out of two ain't bad.:harumph:

[Phobia]

I think there's a healthy balance between spanking and teaching. If you're teaching all the time and your kid isn't learning then you need to discipline more. If you're spending all your time disciplining, then maybe you should be teaching.

I got my share of "beatings". We always want better for our children and we think we can do better than our parents did with us. I think I'm achieving that.

My youngest daughter is a pretty good example.

I rarely participate in the discipline of my two teenage daughters because their mother has tied my hands in that regard (meaning she doesn't honor my discipline). But they're too old for spankings anyway, so hopefully I've instilled proper values from when I had more contact and capability in the discipline department.

[wutamess]

I'm no child psychiatrist, but it sounds to me like one of three things. None of which require spankings at his age.
1. Hearing problem (seriously)
2. its called the terrible two's for a reason, kids are learning who they are, they are learning environments, and often times, a second kid will be much more willful than the first to garner attention that they dont get, or didn''t get bacause the parents have "been there done that"
give him time. He will change attitudes somewhat on his own.
3. Communication problem. You may not believe this, but most 2 years olds are very capable of understanding what you want, but not why. Try picking him up, going to a quiet room with no TV and sitting down and telling him why you want him to come to you and get off the toilet etc. He may not be able to understand consequences yet. Bottom line, Patience grasshoppa! Being a parent is the toughest job in the world.

Most constructive post yet.

1. He's usually less than 10 feet & just being stubborn. He can hear me calling him from the other room and comes.
2. I agree.
3. Would give it a shot but I'm not leaving my 2yo in a room by himself just to prove a point. Something happens to him in there I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I'd rather discipline him.

[Nightfyre]

OMG... so now I'm supposed to be prisoner in my own home.
How about I teach him to respect things and not worry about having to worry about every thing is childproof?

What if we go over to someone else's home that isn't childproof and he does it. Am I to say... "you should've had that put up".

Think before you type.

I understand things that could harm the child like knives or something but writing utensils? The 10 yo leaves homework out I'm supposed to be all over it?

I DO HAVE A LIFE.
Well, if my kid had a natural proclivity towards writing on walls, I would probably be sure he didn't get his hands on writing utensils. When I was a guest at someone else's home I'd be especially alert, watching my kids. Further, at the age of two, I doubt he is gleaning any comprehension about respect from daily spankings. But hey, as Donger put it, it's your kid.
But hey, what do I know right, I've only been dealing with kids all my life.

[BucEyedPea]

MY WILL!
MY WILL!
ROFL

Do you have kids? I know it sounds bad (2yo), but I was the same way and I got hella whoopings. Teach them when they're young, when they're older the whoopings get less & less.

(I thank my mother today for my whoopings too).
They call it the "Terrible Twos" for a reason, ya' know. Just a passing phase but how you deal with it is important. I wouldn't hold a toddler that responsible.

[Dartgod]

I may be wrong, but in wutamesses situation, I think some of you are confusing a swat on the butt, with a serious ass whooping.

My dad would beat my ass when I deserved it, but most of the time he could get me back in line just knowing that he would get the belt out if I didn't straighten up in a hurry. It only took one look from him and you knew he meant business.

[Nightfyre]

I may be wrong, but in wutamesses situation, I think some of you are confusing a swat on the butt, with a serious ass whooping.

My dad would beat my ass when I deserved it, but most of the time he could get me back in line just knowing that he would get the belt out if I didn't straighten up in a hurry. It only took one look from him and you knew he meaqnt business.
I'm sure you held that comprehension at two. Not that you could remember.

[wutamess]

I think there's a healthy balance between spanking and teaching. If you're teaching all the time and your kid isn't learning then you need to discipline more. If you're spending all your time disciplining, then maybe you should be teaching.

I got my share of "beatings". We always want better for our children and we think we can do better than our parents did with us. I think I'm achieving that.

My youngest daughter is a pretty good example.

I rarely participate in the discipline of my two teenage daughters because their mother has tied my hands in that regard (meaning she doesn't honor my discipline). But they're too old for spankings anyway, so hopefully I've instilled proper values from when I had more contact and capability in the discipline department.

Great post...
I'm the teacher then disciplinarian...
I don't ENJOY whooping/ tapping my son, but if he wants to be stubborn & do his own things he needs to pay the piper.

Funny how life is like that.
I refuse to pussify my son because of PC.
Life isn't PC and I teach my kids that.
I'd rather it be me than a correctional facility.

[BucEyedPea]

Well, if my kid had a natural proclivity towards writing on walls, I would probably be sure he didn't get his hands on writing utensils.
That's another phase for many kids. Very common. Mine in just a few seconds while I was preoccupied scribbled purple marker all over one of my white cloth dining room chairs. They were beautiful and new. Was I upset? Sure! She was 2.5 iirc. I didn't punish her though because she didn't know any better. Getting all upset and mad at her was enough disapproval for her though.

[wutamess]

I may be wrong, but in wutamesses situation, I think some of you are confusing a swat on the butt, with a serious ass whooping.

My dad would beat my ass when I deserved it, but most of the time he could get me back in line just knowing that he would get the belt out if I didn't straighten up in a hurry. It only took one look from him and you knew he meant business.

Exactly.
Thanks!

[Dartgod]

I'm sure you held that comprehension at two. Not that you could remember.
Oh, get the **** off of your pedestal. I never said any thing about this happening when I was two.

If you would have read the first part of my post you would have seen that I prefaced my remarks by differentiating between a swat on the butt and an ass beating.

[wutamess]

That's another phase for many kids. Very common. Mine in just a few seconds while I was preoccupied scribbled purple marker all over one of my white cloth dining room chairs. They were beautiful and new. Was I upset? Sure! She was 2.5 iirc. I didn't punish her though because she didn't know any better. Getting all upset and mad at her was enough disapproval for her though.

Great story... I have 4 walls & a fireplace written on (by the boy)(all at different times) & 2 WHOOPings to show for it.

Talking didn't work with him.
I refuse to childproof the home when it only took the daughter 2 times and no whooping to learn not to do it.

Although, I'm glad to say... there is progress.
The son's tappings/whoopings have been getting more rare as of lately.

[BucEyedPea]

I may be wrong, but in wutamesses situation, I think some of you are confusing a swat on the butt, with a serious ass whooping.

My dad would beat my ass when I deserved it, but most of the time he could get me back in line just knowing that he would get the belt out if I didn't straighten up in a hurry. It only took one look from him and you knew he meant business.
I was the opposite, my dad used the belt all the time. I hated him for it and he never changed me for the better on what he was doing it on. I was never doing anything really wrong anyway, it was done just for talking back...particularly when I felt false accused of something I didn't do. My mother had a bigger impact on me than him and she would talk to me more. I hated him. We all avoided him. Didn't speak to him between age 13 and 18 at all.

[tooge]

Most constructive post yet.

1. He's usually less than 10 feet & just being stubborn. He can hear me calling him from the other room and comes.
2. I agree.
3. Would give it a shot but I'm not leaving my 2yo in a room by himself just to prove a point. Something happens to him in there I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I'd rather discipline him.
per #3. I dont mean leave him by himself. I mean you two go into a room with no toys or tv ot distract him and talk He may need more personal communication from you to understand why you are asking him to do these things. Trust me, you dont want the little man to grow up fearing dad cause he was always a badass. You want him to idolize you cause you were always there to talk to him.

[Nightfyre]

Oh, get the **** off of your pedestal. I never said any thing about this happening when I was two.

If you would have read the first part of my post you would have seen that I prefaced my remarks by differentiating between a swat on the butt and an ass beating.
Spanking your kids is one thing. Spanking a two year old, is completely different in my mind.

[Donger]

Great post...
I'm the teacher then disciplinarian...
I don't ENJOY whooping/ tapping my son, but if he wants to be stubborn & do his own things he needs to pay the piper.

Funny how life is like that.
I refuse to pussify my son because of PC.
Life isn't PC and I teach my kids that.
I'd rather it be me than a correctional facility.

Serious question, wutamess, but did you start out by trying to discipline him non-physically and gave up, or have you never tried that approach?

[stevieray]

"...we had never seen the belt...we had just heard about it...the belt was eight feet long...nine feet wide...and it had hooks in it that would rip the meat off your body if it hit you...."

[BucEyedPea]

LMAO

[BigRedChief]

I was the opposite, my dad used the belt all the time. I hated him for it and he never changed me for the better on what he was doing it on. I was never doing anything really wrong anyway, it was done just for talking back...particularly when I felt false accused of something I didn't do. My mother had a bigger impact on me than him and she would talk to me more. I hated him. We all avoided him. Didn't speak to him between age 13 and 18 at all.
Thats an extreme example of trying to force your will on someone else through physical harm or threats. Some people just arn't smart enough to figure out that its not working and stop it or change strategy.

Swats on the diaper of a toddler are totally different than how your Dad treated you.

[Dartgod]

"...we had never seen the belt...we had just heard about it...the belt was eight feet long...nine feet wide...and it had hooks in it that would rip the meat off your body if it hit you...."
Cosby?

[KC Dan]

We all avoided him. Didn't speak to him between age 13 and 18 at all.So, what you are saying is that he could watch the ballgames in peace, have a drink and not be bothered. Sounds pretty smart... Just kidding.

It sounds like he surely went overboard to the extreme. Sorry to hear...

[stevieray]

Spanking your kids is one thing. Spanking a two year old, is completely different in my mind.


ever hear the term the terrible twos?

[stevieray]

Cosby?

:)

[wutamess]

per #3. I dont mean leave him by himself. I mean you two go into a room with no toys or tv ot distract him and talk He may need more personal communication from you to understand why you are asking him to do these things. Trust me, you dont want the little man to grow up fearing dad cause he was always a badass. You want him to idolize you cause you were always there to talk to him.

Another great post.
Communication is there (I work from home and have him with me usually 24-7).

He doesn't fear me. Like I said, he's the most affectionate of the tribe. He's quick to run up to me to cuddle with me while I'm watching the football game or something.

I'm not a total idiot.
I'm not going to discipline him unless he knows what it's for.

We all talk (probably too much).
We're actually a more traditional older type family.
Wifey cooks dinner (when she's around) and we all eat at the dinner table everyday.

He's just stubborn.
I was too.
It all clicked around 3rd-4th gradish

[allen_kcCard]

If a kid has to get spanked every day then there is some other kind of punishment that would work better.

Even something simple, like taking a toy away and putting it up where they can see it, but not get it. Or having to sit somewhere, or whatever. If it makes them scream bloody murder then that is the punishment for them until they start to not mind it so much.

If that that fails, then bring the ass destroyer out, preferably after they had forgotten about it a little.

[BucEyedPea]

Thats an extreme example of trying to force your will on someone else through physical harm or threats. Some people just arn't smart enough to figure out that its not working and stop it or change strategy.

Swats on the diaper of a toddler are totally different than how your Dad treated you.
I really believe that in this day, he'd be arrested for abuse. He had a foul Sicilian temper. He was pretty bad...as I could tell ya' more. Never showed a warm feeling either, only told us what we did wrong. Yet, he really had pretty good kids.

[tooge]

Great story... I have 4 walls & a fireplace written on (by the boy)(all at different times) & 2 WHOOPings to show for it.

Talking didn't work with him.
I refuse to childproof the home when it only took the daughter 2 times and no whooping to learn not to do it.

Although, I'm glad to say... there is progress.
The son's tappings/whoopings have been getting more rare as of lately.
Show me a parent and I will show you a scribbled on wall. Let me guess, he used to take all the crap out of the kitchen cabinets too right. It is called being 2. You aren't making yourself a prisoner in your own house by childproofing it. It is for safety of the kid too. They shouldn't have any access to writing utensils at all, what if he runs with one and falls on it? Be smarter than him. He is only 2. Put things away that he isn't supposed to have . If you had a gun (or have) are you gonna leave it out and loaded because you "aren't gonna be a prisoner in your own house"? No, you will put it away cause it isn't apropriate for a 2 year old to have access to. Neither are writing utensils. Make a time for drawing. Sit at the table with him and watch him draw and draw with him. He will learn that is the time and place to draw, not on the walls.

[Amnorix]

I have hit my kids, but never with anything other than an open hand. Once in a while it's a real "spanking", but as often as not it's a dope-slap upside the head -- not very hard. Not hard enough to leave a bruise or even cause serious pain. Just enough to get their attention.

When they're having a bad moment in the car and I"m driving, I've pinched their thigh. Only done that a couple of times.

Generally, it's taking them to the corner. I've also done well with removing them from the situation by putting them in their room. Soemtimes, it's to have a discussion -- calm and quiet, about their misbehavior. Other times it's as punishment -- one step beyond "in the corner" as it were.

My 3 year old is stubborner than any mule. He's a handful and a half...

[tooge]

Another great post.
Communication is there (I work from home and have him with me usually 24-7).

He doesn't fear me. Like I said, he's the most affectionate of the tribe. He's quick to run up to me to cuddle with me while I'm watching the football game or something.

I'm not a total idiot.
I'm not going to discipline him unless he knows what it's for.

We all talk (probably too much).
We're actually a more traditional older type family.
Wifey cooks dinner (when she's around) and we all eat at the dinner table everyday.

He's just stubborn.
I was too.
It all clicked around 3rd-4th gradish
Sounds like you answered your own initial question. He is 2

[Phobia]

We all need to learn our kid's currency. It's different for lots of children. For some it's your approval. For some it's coins, candy, video games, toys, or some other tangible item. Maybe it's the opportunity to wrestle with dad or cook with mom. Maybe it's just freedom, where restricting them to their room or an area of the house would produce the desired results.

If you discover their currency, you'll experience success in employing more successful non-corporal discipline.

[wutamess]

Serious question, wutamess, but did you start out by trying to discipline him non-physically and gave up, or have you never tried that approach?

It's a daily struggle.
I'm not a BEAT MY KIDS first type person.
But for my older kids I am when they "embarrass" us as parents.
10yo has only had 1 warning in her life to never let us get a call home.
since the warning (1st gradish), she's only had 2 (currently in 5th).

With the son, it's "Stop pulling your sisters hair", "Stop hitting", "Let me go get the belt", if he hasn't stopped by then, "when I get the belt, he's got".

As far as (he's looking dead at me 10 ft away)....
"come here", "come here", "COME HERE", I get up to tap him... walk to my spot where I was originally calling him from and call him again and he comes.

It's more of a battle of the wills.

To answer your question... I have 4 kids... I'm too damn tired to do all of the whooping you think I do because (a few bad choices) of words somewhere in this thread.

I'm a programmer/problem solver by nature.
It boils down to he's just stubborn & hard-headed.
He's slowly coming along, but I have to stay on top of him.
It'll pay off in the end.

[stevieray]

"...no..WIRE...HANGERS!!!!!"

[Amnorix]

Show me a parent and I will show you a scribbled on wall.

Nope. Not to undermine you or anything, but I have a 3 and 6 year old. And writing on the wall would mean death, and they know it. We have several objects that are untouchable. Expensive vertical blinds that go down to the floor, etc. When they accidentally hit them with a thrown ball or wahtever, they give us a look like "oh s**t". I give them a quick frown and say be careful, you know you can't touch them. They nod and go off and play.

[kcxiv]

I was spanked, and spanked liberally. I'm a big believer in corporal punishment.

Timeouts don't do shit.
I agree with this to a point. Sometimes time outs are ok.

My dad just sent me to my room and was like. I be there in a little bit so you can get your spanking. haha. That was the worst. ****ing waiting. Once that door knob turned it was over. haha

My Grandmother used make us stare at the wall on our knees in the kitchen. That shit would hurt the knee's lol.

[Mr. Flopnuts]

Do whatever works, and don't comment if you don't have kids because you don't know what it's like.

demon/penz



Yeah, but I pay taxes to put them through school, I have rights too......................

[stevieray]

"...this is gonna hurt me a lot more than it hurts you..."

[Phobia]

FWIW, we use a wooden spoon on our 4 year old. She gets it a couple times a week for various infractions, generally not listening. We're consistent and we don't let anger determine our discipline.

I'm a much better parent at 36 than I was at 26.

[Donger]

We all need to learn our kid's currency. It's different for lots of children. For some it's your approval. For some it's coins, candy, video games, toys, or some other tangible item. Maybe it's the opportunity to wrestle with dad or cook with mom. Maybe it's just freedom, where restricting them to their room or an area of the house would produce the desired results.

If you discover their currency, you'll experience success in employing more successful non-corporal discipline.

Yep, find the weak point and squeeze. I admit that I've come close to losing it with my daughter, as she knows my weak points. I've had to leave the room on more than a few occasions because I could feel myself losing my temper. Once I calmed down, straight back to the struggle.

The bottom line is this: you're a parent and you're an adult. If you can't out-think your kids, well, something else might be wrong.

I know that sounds unpleasant, but it's just they way I see it. Take it or leave it, IMO.

[Phobia]

Nope. Not to undermine you or anything, but I have a 3 and 6 year old. And writing on the wall would mean death, and they know it. We have several objects that are untouchable. Expensive vertical blinds that go down to the floor, etc. When they accidentally hit them with a thrown ball or wahtever, they give us a look like "oh s**t". I give them a quick frown and say be careful, you know you can't touch them. They nod and go off and play.

Yeah, I don't think I've ever had a kid write on the wall. Of course, I have all girls - 15, 14, and 4.

[BucEyedPea]

I used to have a "Justice Bench."

[Donger]

It's more of a battle of the wills.

Indeed. And do you not think that when you resort to physical punishment, they've won that battle?

[Donger]

Nope. Not to undermine you or anything, but I have a 3 and 6 year old. And writing on the wall would mean death, and they know it. We have several objects that are untouchable. Expensive vertical blinds that go down to the floor, etc. When they accidentally hit them with a thrown ball or wahtever, they give us a look like "oh s**t". I give them a quick frown and say be careful, you know you can't touch them. They nod and go off and play.

Same here. My two have never written on anything but what we give them to write/color on.

[wutamess]

Indeed. And do you not think that when you resort to physical punishment, they've won that battle?

They might have but I'd rather win the war with my child.
If I win the war... he'd know there's consequences with his decisions right or wrong.

Just as there will be when he gets older.

[Donger]

They might have but I'd rather win the war with my child.

Are you an exceedingly competitive person?

[Pitt Gorilla]

2yo

Tell me how do you get a stubborn 2yo to come to you when he's right in front of you when you call him & he just looks at you like you're not saying a damn thing?

I'm also dying to know how you stop a 2yo that's not attached to T.V. etc from standing on the toilet.

How do you stop a 2 yo from pulling his 3yo sisters hair on occasion?

I'm all eyes, Mr. Smart One.My kids do none of those things, mainly because they understand the expectations. There were times that our oldest would try to defy our requests, and when reasoning didn't immediately work, he got a timeout. After about a week, it never happened again. Honestly, I don't think he wants to disappoint us; that seems to bother him more than any other punishment.

[wutamess]

Are you an exceedingly competitive person?

You may have nailed it on the head right there.
Guilty.
Played in all sports since I was 5.
Was usually the best.

[Pitt Gorilla]

I was spanked, and spanked liberally. I'm a big believer in corporal punishment.

Timeouts don't do shit.Perhaps, in your experience. They have worked wonderfully with my kids.

[ChiTown]

My kids do none of those things, mainly because they understand the expectations. There were times that our oldest would try to defy our requests, and when reasoning didn't immediately work, he got a timeout. After about a week, it never happened again. Honestly, I don't think he wants to disappoint us; that seems to bother him more than any other punishment.

Ditto - especially with the disappointment comment.

[BucEyedPea]

They might have but I'd rather win the war with my child. If I win the war... he'd know there's consequences with his decisions right or wrong.
Well, there ya' go...if that's how you see the situation.

[RJ]

If I have to I will give my 4 y/o daughter a slap on the butt. It is a very rare occurrence and just the suggestion of it usually achieves the desired result. I doubt that I would ever resort to any physical punishment worse than that. I like to think I'll never need to but only time will tell. In general, I am against spankings, I've never felt like it's very effective.

Funny kids story. After Thanksgiving I pulled the wishbone from the turkey and we did the wish-making thing. When I asked her what she had wished for she said "I wished for you and mama not to tell me what to do anymore". I responded with, "Well, little one, you might as well forget that cause it ain't gonna happen". "Ok", she says, "in that case I'll just wish to be a princess".

Like Mick said.....we can't always get what we want, but we get what we need.....

[Donger]

You may have nailed it on the head right there.
Guilty.
Played in all sports since I was 5.
Was usually the best.

I understand. I am, too. But, I don't view my kids as sport. They know what I expect of them, and they know they will be punished if they don't. They also know that, concurrently, I hope that they will exceed my achievements in life by far and that nothing would make me feel better about being a father. I'm not competitive about that at all.

If you win this 'war,' how is the 'defeated' party going to view you? Well? The trick is to 'win' (obedience) while simultaneously having them respect you. It's hard, I know, but it's one's job as a parent to find that balance.

[wutamess]

Well, there ya' go...if that's how you see the situation.

Well isn't is basically a "war" raising every kid no matter how nice or bad they are?

Don't twist my words to your liking.
"war" is analogous to battle of you & your kids no matter what method you decide to use.

Don't get this twisted.
Just because I use terms like "beat" or "war" doesn't mean that I abuse or disrepect my kids in any manner.

For you... Since you want to be literal about it.
Here's a legend:
"beat"=whoop or tap (NOT LITERALLY BEAT).
"war"= upbringing battle between child and parent.

:rolleyes:

[wutamess]

If I have to I will give my 4 y/o daughter a slap on the butt. It is a very rare occurrence and just the suggestion of it usually achieves the desired result. I doubt that I would ever resort to any physical punishment worse than that. I like to think I'll never need to but only time will tell. In general, I am against spankings, I've never felt like it's very effective.

Sounds exactly like my 3yo & 10yo.
It's the hell spawn I'm talking about.

[wutamess]

I understand. I am, too. But, I don't view my kids as sport. They know what I expect of them, and they know they will be punished if they don't. They also know that, concurrently, I hope that they will exceed my achievements in life by far and that nothing would make me feel better about being a father. I'm not competitive about that at all.

If you win this 'war,' how is the 'defeated' party going to view you? Well? The trick is to 'win' (obedience) while simultaneously having them respect you. It's hard, I know, but it's one's job as a parent to find that balance.

He's too young for that...
I'm just trying to get him to not pull his sisters hair, write on the walls, and come when i call him.

None of that should be hard for a 2 yo to do.

The balance thing will come natural as I'm very close to all of my kids. have to since I'm around them almost 24-7.

I was a defeated party, my dad rarely whooped me. i got whoopings from him only when I got a phone call from the teacher.

My mother was the one that spanked/whooped me daily.
Like I said... I was defeated and I'm glad it/they molded me into the man I am today. My mother & I are as close as anyone's mother son relationship.

My father, not so much but that's because he worked while we were home as kids. Not his fault. He had to do what he had to do to provide for us so that gives him a pass. We're still relatively close but it's not like I fear him or anything he just wasn't around as me & my mother were around each other.

[Amnorix]

Don't forget to use rewards for good behavior. I like carrots as well as sticks.

Carrots are usually something fairly insignificant. Small piece of candy, or small amount of soda, or whatever treat they like.

Note that I don't reward "normal" behavior or simple obedience. Only stuff that is above and beyond the call, or else prolonged periods of goodness...

[ClevelandBronco]

I just have to look at my kids a certain way, and they know to knock it off. I've only ever whacked them on the ass a few times, not hard and not bare skin.

Maybe I've been lucky. When I look at my kids in Donger's "certain way" (and I've worked hard on that look), they knock it off.

I've never had to lay a hand on any of them in 14 years.

Yet.

I reserve the right, but I don't expect that I'll ever exercise it.

[Duck Dog]

The tone of my voice can deter my 3 year old girl from doing something wrong. She's pretty sensative, so I have to be careful with her. However, a tap on the bottom does work very well.

[BucEyedPea]

Well isn't is basically a "war" raising every kid no matter how nice or bad they are?

Don't twist my words to your liking.
"war" is analogous to battle of you & your kids no matter what method you decide to use.

Don't get this twisted.
Just because I use terms like "beat" or "war" doesn't mean that I abuse or disrepect my kids in any manner.

For you... Since you want to be literal about it.
Here's a legend:
"beat"=whoop or tap (NOT LITERALLY BEAT).
"war"= upbringing battle between child and parent.

:rolleyes:
No, I don't consider it a war at all. I consider it a job. A tough challenging one perhaps. One of the most important ones, but a job nonetheless—not a war.

[wutamess]

Don't forget to use rewards for good behavior. I like carrots as well as sticks.

Carrots are usually something fairly insignificant. Small piece of candy, or small amount of soda, or whatever treat they like.

Note that I don't reward "normal" behavior or simple obedience. Only stuff that is above and beyond the call, or else prolonged periods of goodness...

Like going to the potty on his own while we're in the process of potty training him?
ROFL

[Donger]

Like going to the potty on his own while we're in the process of potty training him?
ROFL

Hell, I almost bought my son a car when he stopped using diapers.

[Discuss Thrower]

Whenever Momma said "Wooden Spoon" or "Hairbrush". I usually stopped. I guess I got a mix of threatening with either object or timeout. Timeout consisting me looking at myself in a mirror for a period of time. Worked out pretty well. Until middle school, then I just got stupid.

[ClevelandBronco]

My kids' lives are all about carrots. They're all about hugs, kisses, and conversation. The rewards are absolute personal acceptance.

But, again, I have it easy. Maybe that wouldn't work as well with a kid who's causing trouble.

So far, I've been well blessed.

[Bump]

when my family first moved to the small town when my dad transferred jobs, we lived in this apartment for about a month and the neighbors next door were complete white trash. I was about 11 or 12 and they had a boy that was about 9 or 10 and we started hanging out.

Well, they wouldn't allow their kids to drink water or eat after noon or something stupid like that. And I saw the belt beatings and they were pretty bad. I remember the kid came over and he was dying of thrist because they were outside playing and running around and their parents wouldn't allow them to have any water and we snuck him some water. Well one day this kid came over with a broken forearm and it was obviously broken, not out of the skin, but it was broken because his dad beat him pretty bad that day. They wouldn't take him to the hospital and he just had to let it heal on it's own.

So, after witnessing that I swore to myself I would never beat a child, even a spanking. There are other ways.

My parents reported them to the authorities but I don't know what happened, they moved out of state to Texas I believe shortly after that.

[chasedude]

Hell, I almost bought my son a car when he stopped using diapers.

You probably spent enough in diapers to buy a small car.

[wutamess]

when my family first moved to the small town when my dad transferred jobs, we lived in this apartment for about a month and the neighbors next door were complete white trash. I was about 11 or 12 and they had a boy that was about 9 or 10 and we started hanging out.

Well, they wouldn't allow their kids to drink water or eat after noon or something stupid like that. And I saw the belt beatings and they were pretty bad. I remember the kid came over and he was dying of thrist because they were outside playing and running around and their parents wouldn't allow them to have any water and we snuck him some water. Well one day this kid came over with a broken forearm and it was obviously broken, not out of the skin, but it was broken because his dad beat him pretty bad that day. They wouldn't take him to the hospital and he just had to let it heal on it's own.

So, after witnessing that I swore to myself I would never beat a child, even a spanking. There are other ways.

:shake:
THAT'S NO EXCUSE!
Your parents didn't report them or anything?
Can't believe they got a way with that and you all let them.

Have you spoken to them/him as you were older?

[Phobia]

when my family first moved to the small town when my dad transferred jobs, we lived in this apartment for about a month and the neighbors next door were complete white trash. I was about 11 or 12 and they had a boy that was about 9 or 10 and we started hanging out.

Well, they wouldn't allow their kids to drink water or eat after noon or something stupid like that. And I saw the belt beatings and they were pretty bad. I remember the kid came over and he was dying of thrist because they were outside playing and running around and their parents wouldn't allow them to have any water and we snuck him some water. Well one day this kid came over with a broken forearm and it was obviously broken, not out of the skin, but it was broken because his dad beat him pretty bad that day. They wouldn't take him to the hospital and he just had to let it heal on it's own.

So, after witnessing that I swore to myself I would never beat a child, even a spanking. There are other ways.
You should have swore to yourself you would do your civil duty in the future and contact the authorities.

[RJ]

Hell, I almost bought my son a car when he stopped using diapers.



Was he old enough to drive at the time?

[wutamess]

Just caught him scribbling in a book.
As soon as I heard him doing it I came around the corner and he dropped the pen & took off running & whining.

I took the pen and told him he was heading towards a whooping.

He knows what he's doing.
Just hard-headed.

[Phobia]

Give him a coloring book the moment you catch him. He might know what he's doing but you have to show him what you want him to do.

[Lzen]

I believe in spankings. My kids don't receive them very often, but they know when I'm about to pull off my belt, they had better straighten up really fast. I think as long as the kid lives in your house (and is still a kid....not a 40 year old virgin ;) ) he is fair game for spankings. Still, I think spankings just don't work as well when they become teenagers. I have a 14 year old. The things that work on him are taking away privileges. He loves his social life. :D

[Bump]

:shake:
THAT'S NO EXCUSE!
Your parents didn't report them or anything?
Can't believe they got a way with that and you all let them.

Have you spoken to them/him as you were older?


oh ya they reported them, then they moved out of state. No my parents definately reported them. I don't know what ended up happening though.

[wutamess]

Give him a coloring book the moment you catch him. He might know what he's doing but you have to show him what you want him to do.

I don't want him writing in ANYTHING until I feel he's old enough to differentiate.
That's the point.

[Donger]

Was he old enough to drive at the time?

I don't know. I never let him try.

[Nightfyre]

I don't want him writing in ANYTHING until I feel he's old enough to differentiate.
That's the point.
So, hes not old enough to differentiate between a coloring book and a wall, but he's old enough to understand your spankings/whoopings? Further, he's to be punished for not understanding?

[wutamess]

I believe in spankings. My kids don't receive them very often, but they know when I'm about to pull off my belt, they had better straighten up really fast. I think as long as the kid lives in your house (and is still a kid....not a 40 year old virgin ;) ) he is fair game for spankings. Still, I think spankings just don't work as well when they become teenagers. I have a 14 year old. The things that work on him are taking away privileges. He loves his social life. :D

I agree...
I asked my 10 yo to choose which punishment she wanted once.
choices were, whooping or 1 week of punishment & apologize.

She said apologize & punishment for 1 week.

Then I said 2 weeks of punishment & apologize or a whooping.
She quickly said she'd rather have the whooping.

I know once little dude gets about another year under his belt we'll be a well oiled machine.

[Donger]

I don't want him writing in ANYTHING until I feel he's old enough to differentiate.
That's the point.

Have you given him something to differentiate WITH? Sounds like he wants to "express" himself. Heck, a two-year old that wants to color is pretty rare. Give the boy a coloring book, and tell him that THIS is where he colors, not anywhere else.

[RJ]

I don't know. I never let him try.



Well, there you go. I think it's important to let children experiment. Art, music, small arms, heavy machinery. Makes for a well rounded kid.

[wutamess]

So, hes not old enough to differentiate between a coloring book and a wall, but he's old enough to understand your spankings/whoopings? Further, he's to be punished for not understanding?

Yes... he's old enough to come when i call him.
Yes... he's old enough to know not to write in ANYTHING.
Yes... he's old enough to know NOT to hit and antagonize his sister.

No... he's not old enough to know his writing limitations and what's off limits.

Look... I'm probably a stricter (word?) parent than most. We'll just have to agree to disagree. This one's different from my other 2 and I accept that and that's why I try to stay on top of it/him &his discipline.

[RJ]

I don't want him writing in ANYTHING until I feel he's old enough to differentiate.
That's the point.



I think coloring books would be a wise investment. They won't stop the problem immediately but they'll sure help.

[Donger]

Well, there you go. I think it's important to let children experiment. Art, music, small arms, heavy machinery. Makes for a well rounded kid.

He'd have spilled his guts. I once let him ride in the front seat of our Jeep when I went to get some sod. Just from the office to where they load up the sod (private road, about 200 feet). We got home, and the little turd runs up to my wife and says, "Guess what Daddy let me do!!?"

You'd have thought I strapped him to the f*cking roof rack by my wife's reaction.

[wutamess]

Have you given him something to differentiate WITH? Sounds like he wants to "express" himself. Heck, a two-year old that wants to color is pretty rare. Give the boy a coloring book, and tell him that THIS is where he colors, not anywhere else.

I'll try that.
Since, I'm an (non-active) artist, my kids do seem to have a knack for drawing and stuff. We're getting them one of those etch-a-sketch type thingys for XMAS.

[Pitt Gorilla]

He's too young for that...
I'm just trying to get him to not pull his sisters hair, write on the walls, and come when i call him.I don't know about your case, but kids seem to act out like that when they want attention. It didn't take us long to figure that out with our oldest and that really solved the problem.

[Donger]

Yes... he's old enough to know NOT to hit and antagonize his sister

But he sees (and feels) you giving him a whack. Cause, meet effect.

[Donger]

I'll try that.
Since, I'm an (non-active) artist, my kids do seem to have a knack for drawing and stuff. We're getting them one of those etch-a-sketch type thingys for XMAS.

I always collect paper for my kids to color, write and scribble on from work. One side's always blank from my printer, so rather than throw it away, I let them use it.

[RJ]

He'd have spilled his guts. I once let him ride in the front seat of our Jeep when I went to get some sod. Just from the office to where they load up the sod (private road, about 200 feet). We got home, and the little turd runs up to my wife and says, "Guess what Daddy let me do!!?"

You'd have thought I strapped him to the f*cking roof rack by my wife's reaction.



Hell yeah, kids will rat you out every time. Little heathens aren't to be trusted. On the plus side, though, they are easily bribed.

[wutamess]

I don't know about your case, but kids seem to act out like that when they want attention. It didn't take us long to figure that out with our oldest and that really solved the problem.

His case is... he's a typical 2yo full of energy.
Nothing more or less.
If I gave him any more attention I'd be his shrink.
He's literally with me right next to me almost 24-7.

[Amnorix]

So, after witnessing that I swore to myself I would never beat a child, even a spanking. There are other ways.


But what you describe isn't discipline. It's sadistic child abuse.

[Bump]

But what you describe isn't discipline. It's sadistic child abuse.

true, it was pretty bad witnessing that though. They whipped their kids with the belt every chance they could get. I hope the authorities did something, I should ask my mom if she ever found out if they did or not. I don't think a little spanking is bad up until a certain age if the kid did something really bad, but I don't think I would ever do that though. I don't have kids though.

[wutamess]

I don't have kids though.

The key words.

[Sully]

This is something I've struggled with, and still am struggling with.
I was whooped (not tapped, not smacked) as a kid for doing things badly. My dad would beat my ass for 2-3 minutes in a sitting. As I've thought about how I would do things, for years I thought I would do the same... not to that extent, but butt whippings when needed. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it never changed my behavior... not once.
Added to that worry is the question I can't help but ask myself, of what I'm teaching my kid. If I solve a problem by becoming physical with them, how are they going to grow up believing you solve problems?
We are trying to have kids right now, but none yet, so take it for what it's worth, but I assume eventually there will be the random pat on the butt to grab attention... but I doubt there will be any full on whoopings.

I work at an alternative school, and we aren't allowed to get physical with the kids, even when they are in our faces threatening us. These kids are from all grades, and trust me, the most stubborn kids you've ever met....anywhere. One thing I am learning (and with my temper in other areas in life, it's hard) is that Cleveland's carrot idea, and being proactive, is the answer to most everything. It's hard, because many times you feel like you are "losing" a fight. But the key is to learn not to think of dealing with kids as a competition, IMO.

[BucEyedPea]

So, what you are saying is that he could watch the ballgames in peace, have a drink and not be bothered. Sounds pretty smart... Just kidding.

It sounds like he surely went overboard to the extreme. Sorry to hear...
At age 18, two of my friends and I were mugged in the city of Boston. When the cops got to us,they took us down the station to look at mug shots but first asked if we wanted to call our parents. Both gfs called theirs. Then the cop asked me again, don't you wanna call your parents? I said, no my dad will get mad if I wake him up. I never thought anything of the comment...but my mother was appalled I said it. I don't what the cop thought of it either, but I laugh at it now. That was just normal to me.

[stevieray]

"...Don't make me pull this car over..."

[KC Dan]

At age 18, two of my friends and I were mugged in the city of Boston. When the cops got to us,they took us down the station to look at mug shots but first asked if we wanted to call our parents. Both gfs called theirs. Then the cop asked me again, don't you wanna call your parents? I said, no my dad will get mad if I wake him up. I never thought anything of the comment...but my mother was appalled I said it. I don't what the cop thought of it either, but I laugh at it now. That was just normal to me.
Wow, when I was 17 some friends and I went drinking at Huntington Beach and we all got arrested. Everyone called their parents except me and my brother. The cops asked us why we didn't want to call our parents and I told them "they'd say have a good night behind bars". They didn't believe me and called them for us. They received the answer as I stated previously. hehehe, good times.....and a good night in jail

[LiL stumppy]

I have a question.

Do you guys view whooping your kids as a necessity or a wrongdoing?

I say this because when my sister asks me what she should do to "punish" her kids(s) for something they've done., I tell her to "beat them". Beat them means whooping with a belt or a switch. Not an actual beating.

Anyhow... last month her 5 year old in Kindergarten was busted for stealing candy from the teacher. My sis asked me what she should do. I told her to stomp it with a sledge hammer (whooping, 1 week punishment, and have to apologize in front of class).

Sis & Bro-n-law decide to punish her for a week and tell her, "next time they're calling the police to take her to jail".

That was last month... so while my sister is jogging/walking this morning she decides to run by the school and check on the daughter at school (pop-up visit). The teacher asks, "did you get my letter"? Basically it was a letter explaining that the daughter had been caught stealing candy from the teacher again. The daughter hid the letter and she wouldn't have known anything about it if she didn't make the pop-up visit.

Now she's going to get a whooping (I'm thinking/hoping).

My issue is... (Not saying I'm right) but I believe in stomping small problems out with a sledge hammer so that the child will KNOW that they don't wanna go down that road again.

My 10 yo (girl) got a good one with pants down coupla months ago because teacher said she wants to show out in class and be disruptive. She also received 1 week punishment and I changed my mind about reading letter in front of class and made her apologize to the teacher personally.

Last time we got a call from the teacher was when she was in 1st or 2nd grade. Hopefully we won't get another one as she WOULDN'T want to go down that road again.

What are you guys thought about whoopings and how would you handle the situation(s) (not knowing the outcomes of what I just told you)?


I personally think the whole "whipping with the pants down" isn't right. Especially at the age of 10,thats more degrading than anything. Now it is a little different when the kid is a lot younger, but that seems a little old to have her pants down while getting a whippin. I am all for spankin kids, I know it helped me become the fine young man I am today :)