Humorous travel stories?

[kc rush]

My parents are celebrating their 40th anniversary in a couple of weeks and as a part of their celebration, they are taking a trip to the UK.

I'm trying to compile some humorous travel stories, particularly those in the UK to include with the other gifts we are giving them. Any stories or funny tips people mind sharing?

[Donger]

My parents are celebrating their 40th anniversary in a couple of weeks and as a part of their celebration, they are taking a trip to the UK.

I'm trying to compile some humorous travel stories, particularly those in the UK to include with the other gifts we are giving them. Any stories or funny tips people mind sharing?

Do you not like your parents, or something?

[Redrum_69]

UK = Ukraine

or

UK= United Kingdom

Regardless, both places have latex dungeons and bondage bars...

and..stay away from remote Hostels...otherwise you'll end up being sold for torture.

[Frazod]

Certainly didn't seem humorous at the time, but....

In December of '85 the ex-wife and I headed back to Missouri from Norfolk in my '77 Monza. The car was on the brink of death, but we were planning on trading it in on a new car when we got back. Driving through the Appalachians in Virginia and West Virginia, the car was going about 40 mph up the mountains and 80 mph down the mountains. Finally we got to Charleston, which is exactly half-way, filled up with gas, got back out on the interstate, and as soon as the car got above 30 mph it started lurching and sputtering. We pulled over at a gas station, but it was the middle of the night and there wouldn't be a mechanic there until the next morning. We had almost no money - we slept in the car that night. The next morning, the mechanic delivered the bad news - blown engine. I remember his exact words - "There's no nice way to put this, you're f#cked." We ended up selling the car (luckily I had the title with me) to a guy that worked there for $100 and a ride to the bus station.

This is where the story gets weird.

While we're waiting (the bus didn't leave until 3:00 p.m.), one my wife's teachers from college just happened to stop at that gas station. They too were on their way back to Missouri from Virginia. The teacher was driving their family car, and her husband was driving a rental truck. They agreed to give us a ride home. So, we get past Lexington KY and the goddamn rental truck broke down. Luckily we had the $100 we'd sold the car for to pay for a hotel room that night. Finally the truck company fixed the truck the next day, and we got back on track. Finally arrived at Kirksville exactly 60 hours after we'd left Norfolk - made the return drive in a new car in 14.

[FAX]

Og and the tribe were starving. The snows had come early that year and food was scarce. Huddled in layers of bear and bison skin and seeking warmth from a weak, struggling fire, the tribe watched as Lokk, the tribal leader, motioned toward the south with his spear and made urgent, gutteral noises. To those old enough to remember, the message was clear; Leave in the morning and travel to the land of the Poonah. It was their last chance for survival.

The tribe left the cave as the first, dim light of morning made faint, gray shadows on the drifting snow. They walked all day through the deepening snow and progress was slow. By mid-afternoon the tribe came upon a frozen lake. Lokk seemed puzzled at first at the sight of the great expanse of smooth, shiny ice. Then, he tentatively stepped out upon the frozen water. It was solid. Lokk smiled briefly, then took a few more steps. Then a few more. He turned and motioned for the tribe to follow. Suddenly, with a deafening crack, the surface below his feet gave way and Lokk disappeared forever beneath the ice. Everybody in the tribe had a good laugh over that one.

FAX

[trndobrd]

My parents are celebrating their 40th anniversary in a couple of weeks and as a part of their celebration, they are taking a trip to the UK.

I'm trying to compile some humorous travel stories, particularly those in the UK to include with the other gifts we are giving them. Any stories or funny tips people mind sharing?


Does it have to be IN the UK, or would traveling TO the UK be satisfactory?

The humorous part is that I never made it to London. I was taking a holiday in Ankara when I met a slightly overweight gentleman known to me only as "Mustafa". Unfortunately, I had become somewhat indebted to Mustafa due to a streak of bad luck I had encounted playing cards in an illegal gambling parlor. Later, he offered to forgive my considerable debt and an additional $15,000 to carry a small amount of heroin in my bag and an envelope of pictures to London. It seemed simple enough, and the only other option was having a go with Mustafa's goons.

As I said, I never made it to London. I'm convinced someone in Mustafa's organization ratted me out. I never even made it to the security checkpoint. Apparently, the Turkish authorities were not even concerned about the heroin which they found in my bags during questioning. As soon as the chief investigator saw the photos I was carrying, that's when the really funny part of the story begins. With my eyes and mouth taped, I was transported to some sort of Turkish secret prison. I don't want to get too far into the story, if this isn't the kind of thing you are looking for, but the time the generator kept shorting out every time they attached the clips is always a hoot.

[RJ]

Slapstick humor. So simple even the cavemen got it.

Too bad about Lokk but he sure was a funny guy. Besides, he was already 28, he wouldn't have lived much longer.

[kc rush]

Do you not like your parents, or something?


???

You lost me there.

[Donger]

???

You lost me there.

Why do they want to go to the UK?

[kc rush]

UK = Ukraine

or

UK= United Kingdom

Regardless, both places have latex dungeons and bondage bars...

and..stay away from remote Hostels...otherwise you'll end up being sold for torture.

UK - United Kingdom.

I don't want to think of my parents and bondage bars in the same sentence, your mom on the other hand...:p

[kc rush]

Why do they want to go to the UK?

This is probably their only chance to travel outside of North America and they want to see Wales for some family history.

[Donger]

This is probably their only chance to travel outside of North America and they want to see Wales for some family history.

Oh. Well, in that case.

[kc rush]

Certainly didn't seem humorous at the time, but....

In December of '85 the ex-wife and I headed back to Missouri from Norfolk in my '77 Monza. The car was on the brink of death, but we were planning on trading it in on a new car when we got back. Driving through the Appalachians in Virginia and West Virginia, the car was going about 40 mph up the mountains and 80 mph down the mountains. Finally we got to Charleston, which is exactly half-way, filled up with gas, got back out on the interstate, and as soon as the car got above 30 mph it started lurching and sputtering. We pulled over at a gas station, but it was the middle of the night and there wouldn't be a mechanic there until the next morning. We had almost no money - we slept in the car that night. The next morning, the mechanic delivered the bad news - blown engine. I remember his exact words - "There's no nice way to put this, you're f#cked." We ended up selling the car (luckily I had the title with me) to a guy that worked there for $100 and a ride to the bus station.

This is where the story gets weird.

While we're waiting (the bus didn't leave until 3:00 p.m.), one my wife's teachers from college just happened to stop at that gas station. They too were on their way back to Missouri from Virginia. The teacher was driving their family car, and her husband was driving a rental truck. They agreed to give us a ride home. So, we get past Lexington KY and the goddamn rental truck broke down. Luckily we had the $100 we'd sold the car for to pay for a hotel room that night. Finally the truck company fixed the truck the next day, and we got back on track. Finally arrived at Kirksville exactly 60 hours after we'd left Norfolk - made the return drive in a new car in 14.

I've made the trip between here and Norfolk. Stranded in WV is a scary thing in my opinion. We took some side roads near Huntington looking for a campground and all I could hear was dualing banjos (from Deliverence) in my head. We ended up staying at a hotel instead (Hampton Inn), but even that was a couple of blocks down from a couple of strip clubs.

[Frazod]

I've made the trip between here and Norfolk. Stranded in WV is a scary thing in my opinion. We took some side roads near Huntington looking for a campground and all I could hear was dualing banjos (from Deliverence) in my head. We ended up staying at a hotel instead (Hampton Inn), but even that was a couple of blocks down from a couple of strip clubs.

Luckily we weren't out in any of the creepy parts. Back then, I-64 didn't go all the way through - you had to take U.S. 60 through the most rugged part of the mountains. Had the car broken down there, I would have been concerned, but we had already made it through that before the car died. The town we ended up in just west of Charleston was called Clifton or Clinton or something like that. Nobody gave us any trouble.