Time to fess up! What's your worst screw?

[wutamess]

Mine was about in 97-98ish when Adult Friendfinder used to be free.
I came across this chick and got her number to meet her later. She sounded sexy as hell over the phone.

Fast forward to that night (since she was at work when we originally spoke.) She gave me directions to her home (which was about 5 miles from where I stayed. Anyways, I get over there and didn't want to be rude and just leave so we hold a conversation. 20-30 minutes later I'm nailing a 5-10ish 200 lbish banshee. After we were done, I left and couldn't get that odor off of me for the life of me.

It wasn't that bad of an odor... it was just an odor.

What's your "take one for the team/ I was bored and wanted to get off" story?

[Goapics1]

It wasn't that bad of an odor... it was just an odor.


She work at Pizza Hut or something?

[beach tribe]

Mine was about in 97-98ish when Adult Friendfinder used to be free.
I came across this chick and got her number to meet her later. She sounded sexy as hell over the phone.

Fast forward to that night (since she was at work when we originally spoke.) She gave me directions to her home (which was about 5 miles from where I stayed. Anyways, I get over there and didn't want to be rude and just leave so we hold a conversation. 20-30 minutes later I'm nailing a 5-10ish 200 lbish banshee. After we were done, I left and couldn't get that odor off of me for the life of me.

It wasn't that bad of an odor... it was just an odor.

What's your "take one for the team/ I was bored and wanted to get off" story?

I have no doubt you are on Valtrex. Adult friend finder? RU serious?

[Pushead2]

i thought that site was a scam

[booyaf2]

who thinks this sh!t up at 8:30 in the morning?

[Demonpenz]

I used adult friend finder too. I Went over to this girls house. she was screaming at her kinds most the time. The phone kept ringing throughout when I was done my lower back hurt and I didn't have any duans lower back pain pills then i watched as she played the sims for a coulple hours

[crazycoffey]

In college, the traditional wing man. my buddy was hitting on a girl and thought he had a chance, so I started talking to the redheaded heifer friend. I was drunk and was banger her head into her headboard and the headboard fell off the wall (dont know why it was mounted there) we fell off the bed and I kept nailing her.....

[whoman69]

I'm sure my worst involved some exchange of money.

[kcchiefsus]

In college, the traditional wing man. my buddy was hitting on a girl and thought he had a chance, so I started talking to the redheaded heifer friend. I was drunk and was banger her head into her headboard and the headboard fell off the wall (dont know why it was mounted there) we fell off the bed and I kept nailing her.....

Did your buddy ever hook up with the girl he thought he had a chance with?

[Bwana]

Getting the combo of Carl and Herm as Chiefs management.

[MOhillbilly]

didnt screw her. but took ones pants off and the room smelled like death. my lil ol wiener went way way south. when i handed her pant back as i got up she says "whats wrong" gah. 'gotta get another drink' i told her. she called for like two weeks straight everyday after she got outta school.;)

[Abba-Dabba]

who thinks this sh!t up at 8:30 in the morning?


duh, obviously by somebody who forgot to take their valtrex this morning

[wutamess]

didnt screw her. but took ones pants off and the room smelled like death. my lil ol wiener went way way south. when i handed her pant back as i got up she says "whats wrong" gah. 'gotta get another drink' i told her. she called for like two weeks straight everyday after she got outta school.;)

That reminds me...
The time I got blue balls.

I thought it was a myth until one night my sophomore year in college. Iw as trying everything to nail this chick. she'd let me do everything except get her pants un buttoned. After about 3-4 hours of making her horny as hell... I gave up and went home. Proceeded to go to sleep and my stomach felt like... That feeling when you barely get hit in the nutts and the pain doesn't come until about 30 seconds later.

I immediately went to the shower and damn near put a whole in the ceramic tile.

Next night she wants me to come over again (I'm guessing to give it up this time) I took a pass. Spoke in passing ever since.

[wutamess]

who thinks this sh!t up at 8:30 in the morning?

Well I got it from rainman's thread and I wanted to know other wingman type stories... We've all porked a whale and the stories are usually quite amusing.
Plus I rarely get time to read/post during the day anymore so I had to get it in while I could. Which is before I go to work.

[phisherman]

Mine was about in 97-98ish when Adult Friendfinder used to be free.
I came across this chick and got her number to meet her later. She sounded sexy as hell over the phone.

Fast forward to that night (since she was at work when we originally spoke.) She gave me directions to her home (which was about 5 miles from where I stayed. Anyways, I get over there and didn't want to be rude and just leave so we hold a conversation. 20-30 minutes later I'm nailing a 5-10ish 200 lbish banshee. After we were done, I left and couldn't get that odor off of me for the life of me.

It wasn't that bad of an odor... it was just an odor.

What's your "take one for the team/ I was bored and wanted to get off" story?

b**ch looked more like freddie jackson!

[Reerun_KC]

In college, the traditional wing man. my buddy was hitting on a girl and thought he had a chance, so I started talking to the redheaded heifer friend. I was drunk and was banger her head into her headboard and the headboard fell off the wall (dont know why it was mounted there) we fell off the bed and I kept nailing her.....

Well see, we went out with your mom and................


ROFL Kidding

[Bi_polar]

It was this mexican girl.

[crazycoffey]

Did your buddy ever hook up with the girl he thought he had a chance with?

IIRC - they were in the other room, but he never rounded second or third base. hey - I bet she was the wingman for the redhead to get me!!!

[Goapics1]

While in school I worked with a girl that was really narcissistic. She was a Monet painting.

Anyway one night a bunch of us from work went out drinking.
I proceeded to get hammered and she offered to drive me home. When we got to my place one thing lead to another and as I was starting my first thrust she screamed that she new I had always wanted her. That sobered me up real quick. I stopped got up and asked her to leave. She demanded a reason and I stated that I was not that hard up to dole out a charity fock.

Ang

right.................:rolleyes:

[Iowanian]

Back in the day, I was Kimble Anders. I was very capable of toting the rock myself, could catch a swing pass and run like the wind....but was a team player and when duty called, I'd take out the linebacker to help my buddy get around the corner.


I'm not sharing anything particular, but I had a wingman block for me once that takest he cake. He took out a Saleamua for me. I'm certain he cut blocked her to the ground.

Anyway, the chic was easy 3 bills, had a broken leg(in a cast above the knee). He said when she took her shirt off, she looked like a dead bullfrog on its back...rubbery belly all bloated.....and he did her in the tooter.

Everyone needs a loyal lead blocker who will sell his body for the team to score.

[Donger]

Well, I can't really think of one. Worst BJ? A gal in college that, upon sensing my orgasm, came up for air and said, "Here come the demons!"

That was somewhat disconcerting.

[boogblaster]

I guess Grandma or Grandpa both were dry wrinklely and stank ...

[Mr. Plow]

Well, I can't really think of one. Worst BJ? A gal in college that, upon sensing my orgasm, came up for air and said, "Here come the demons!"

That was somewhat disconcerting.



ROFLROFLROFL

[kstater]

Well, I can't really think of one. Worst BJ? A gal in college that, upon sensing my orgasm, came up for air and said, "Here come the demons!"

That was somewhat disconcerting.

LMAO

[crazycoffey]

Well, I can't really think of one. Worst BJ? A gal in college that, upon sensing my orgasm, came up for air and said, "Here come the demons!"

That was somewhat disconcerting.

the demons? wow, funny too.
I had a scraper once, that sucks - hard to blow the load when your member is getting fleeced by a couple incisors. I got her back, on my 21st birthday, my ex came over and let me bang her before my party. So I let scraper get a taste of my ex a couple hours later.

Ladies, don't be a scraper....

[ziggysocki]

Well, I can't really think of one. Worst BJ? A gal in college that, upon sensing my orgasm, came up for air and said, "Here come the demons!"

That was somewhat disconcerting.

ROFL ROFL :clap: Let the demons FREE!!

[ziggysocki]

My Army roommate was on his side of the barracks room (separated mostly by our wall lockers) with his random chick, I hear a loud ass fart and then something crashing and falling into the wall locker. The next thing I hear is my roomie say "Fuck! You spilled my fucking beer!"... I was rolling on the floor when she ran out cussing with a disgusted look on her face and slobber running down her chin. You can guess what happened. I wish I could say this happened to me, but I was only lucky enough to be in the same room. Pure awesomeness.

[Braincase]

Well, I can't really think of one. Worst BJ? A gal in college that, upon sensing my orgasm, came up for air and said, "Here come the demons!"

That was somewhat disconcerting.

Dear lord... new sig line!

[beach tribe]

duh, obviously by somebody who forgot to take their valtrex this morning

Yep. Wake up with a breakout, and start thinking about that "worst screw". The time I hooked up on AFF.

[beach tribe]

While in school I worked with a girl that was really narcissistic. She was a Monet painting.

Anyway one night a bunch of us from work went out drinking.
I proceeded to get hammered and she offered to drive me home. When we got to my place one thing lead to another and as I was starting my first thrust she screamed that she new I had always wanted her. That sobered me up real quick. I stopped got up and asked her to leave. She demanded a reason and I stated that I was not that hard up to dole out a charity fock.

Ang


You were embarrassed to let her find out you nutted in your pants?

[Goapics1]

You were embarrassed to let her find out you nutted in your pants?

ROFL

[PRIEST]

Well, I can't really think of one. Worst BJ? A gal in college that, upon sensing my orgasm, came up for air and said, "Here come the demons!"

That was somewhat disconcerting.




Holy sh#t :D

(Pun intended )

[Over-Head]

My worst screw?
probably the one I took from the ex's laywer :eek:

[sedated]

I had a scraper once, that sucks - hard to blow the load when your member is getting fleeced by a couple incisors. I got her back, on my 21st birthday, my ex came over and let me bang her before my party. So I let scraper get a taste of my ex a couple hours later.

Ladies, don't be a scraper....

I've had girls think that a little teeth action was good. I quickly corrected them.

[Rooster]

I hate flathead screws. They are completely worthless. Why do they still even make them?

[eazyb81]

Two stories from college come to mind for this thread. The first one was when I was the wingman for a buddy. The girl he was hitting on had a friend with her, and since I was shit-canned I basically could only tell she had long hair and huge tits. Well I walk her back to my house and we do the deed. Then I wake up in the middle of the night, completely sober, and look over to see a beached whale in bed next to me with an 80's bush. Disgusted at what I had done, I put on my underwear, snuck out of my room, and went downstairs to my a different buddy's room to sleep on his floor and hide out until she got the hint and left.

Another story happened when we threw a party at our house. It was late, probably around 3:00 in the morning, and I could barely see straight. I was sitting on the couch and this girl came up and sat next to me. After a minute or two we started making out, and I took her upstairs to my room. One thing led to another and we started to f#ck. Just like the last story, somehow I immediately sober up after blowing my load, and I realized I just had sex with a hippo. So I throw some gym shorts on, sneak out of my room, and go try to hide out in my friend's room next door to mine. He had a couple friends in there still partying, and I told them the situation and that there was a girl in my room if anyone was interested. One friend took me up on the offer, went in my room, and proceeded to bang this girl right after I had shot my load inside her. Needless to say, it was awkward whenever I saw that girl in public during the rest of my time at college.

[mesmith31]

Two stories from college come to mind for this thread. The first one was when I was the wingman for a buddy. The girl he was hitting on had a friend with her, and since I was shit-canned I basically could only tell she had long hair and huge tits. Well I walk her back to my house and we do the deed. Then I wake up in the middle of the night, completely sober, and look over to see a beached whale in bed next to me with an 80's bush. Disgusted at what I had done, I put on my underwear, snuck out of my room, and went downstairs to my a different buddy's room to sleep on his floor and hide out until she got the hint and left.

Another story happened when we threw a party at our house. It was late, probably around 3:00 in the morning, and I could barely see straight. I was sitting on the couch and this girl came up and sat next to me. After a minute or two we started making out, and I took her upstairs to my room. One thing led to another and we started to f#ck. Just like the last story, somehow I immediately sober up after blowing my load, and I realized I just had sex with a hippo. So I throw some gym shorts on, sneak out of my room, and go try to hide out in my friend's room next door to mine. He had a couple friends in there still partying, and I told them the situation and that there was a girl in my room if anyone was interested. One friend took me up on the offer, went in my room, and proceeded to bang this girl right after I had shot my load inside her. Needless to say, it was awkward whenever I saw that girl in public during the rest of my time at college.

Yeah...I am pretty sure that going and having sex with a girl who is passed out drunk would probably not pass the consentual sex standards in a court of law....good lookin' out there champ

[88TG88]

b**ch looked more like freddie jackson!

rep for the Friday reference

[Micjones]

All In The Family

I met up with a girl I'd been chatting with a while and decided I'd make the trek to her house for a late-night rendez-vous. I get there and her grandmother is smack in the middle of the living room in a gurney. She has nieces and nephews in the living room watching Television at what should've been "sleepy time".

We navigate the maze of family members in the house and make our way back to her room. She immediately serves up a steaming serving of hotmouth (I swear the sheets were stuck in my ass afterwards...amazing!). While I'm somewhere hovering above the bed during this fabulous dome session her aunt walks in the room and turns the light on. I dive back under the sheets like a baserunner trying to avoid being picked off. She and her aunt proceed to have a gatdamn conversation!

Um hello? Me...you...mouth? Thanks!

After being so rudely interrupted we finally got into it.
I made the mistake of talking a bunch of shit about how I was going to knock her hip out of place. Fortunately for me just as I was headed in that direction I was rudely interrupted again...by a bunch of white stuff I left neatly on her sheets. I was humiliated, but after a few minutes of sulking...I realized she wasn't a girlfriend and I didn't have to stay. So I quickly put my clothes on, threw the deuces to her family (an urban colloquialism for "made a hand gesture that means goodbye" for my informal language-challenged CP posters) and sped off like I'd robbed a bank.

Fin.

[blueballs]

a hard dick has no conscience
it was outa my hands

[eazyb81]

Yeah...I am pretty sure that going and having sex with a girl who is passed out drunk would probably not pass the consentual sex standards in a court of law....good lookin' out there champ

She wasn't passed out. Still, hilarity ensued!

[Mecca]

The drunk stories are funny, I've never thought a girl was good looking when I was drunk, I have however blurted out, "wow you're ugly!"

[JuicesFlowing]

Drunk sex is always the worst screw. I mean really drunk sex.

[ziggysocki]

a hard dick has no conscience
it was outa my hands

The single most honest post on Chiefs Planet. :wayne:

[Chieftain58]

ex-wife... still paying 15 years later..:) I just hope my kids don't go to college.. haha then i have to pay for another 4 years...

[ferrarispider95]

The drunk stories are funny, I've never thought a girl was good looking when I was drunk, I have however blurted out, "wow you're ugly!"

You probably weren't drunk enough

[Pitt Gorilla]

Two stories from college come to mind for this thread. The first one was when I was the wingman for a buddy. The girl he was hitting on had a friend with her, and since I was shit-canned I basically could only tell she had long hair and huge tits. Well I walk her back to my house and we do the deed. Then I wake up in the middle of the night, completely sober, and look over to see a beached whale in bed next to me with an 80's bush. Disgusted at what I had done, I put on my underwear, snuck out of my room, and went downstairs to my a different buddy's room to sleep on his floor and hide out until she got the hint and left.

Another story happened when we threw a party at our house. It was late, probably around 3:00 in the morning, and I could barely see straight. I was sitting on the couch and this girl came up and sat next to me. After a minute or two we started making out, and I took her upstairs to my room. One thing led to another and we started to f#ck. Just like the last story, somehow I immediately sober up after blowing my load, and I realized I just had sex with a hippo. So I throw some gym shorts on, sneak out of my room, and go try to hide out in my friend's room next door to mine. He had a couple friends in there still partying, and I told them the situation and that there was a girl in my room if anyone was interested. One friend took me up on the offer, went in my room, and proceeded to bang this girl right after I had shot my load inside her. Needless to say, it was awkward whenever I saw that girl in public during the rest of my time at college.Even drunk, I don't think I would leave a load in a whale.

[J Diddy]

I screwed a fat bitch once. She gave me crabs.

Fat bitches have crabs.

['Hamas' Jenkins]

Mine was about in 97-98ish when Adult Friendfinder used to be free.
I came across this chick and got her number to meet her later. She sounded sexy as hell over the phone.

Fast forward to that night (since she was at work when we originally spoke.) She gave me directions to her home (which was about 5 miles from where I stayed. Anyways, I get over there and didn't want to be rude and just leave so we hold a conversation. 20-30 minutes later I'm nailing a 5-10ish 200 lbish banshee. After we were done, I left and couldn't get that odor off of me for the life of me.

It wasn't that bad of an odor... it was just an odor.

What's your "take one for the team/ I was bored and wanted to get off" story?

Wait, people actually use that website?

ROFL

[sedated]

I immediately sober up after blowing my load, and I realized I just had sex with a hippo... I had shot my load inside her.

you might have a little baby hippo running around out there.

['Hamas' Jenkins]

I was getting a blowjob from a chick one time, pushed her head down a little too far, she gagged and vomited a mixture of taco bell and Michelob Ultra on me.

[ziggysocki]

I was getting a blowjob from a chick one time, pushed her head down a little too far, she gagged and vomited a mixture of taco bell and Michelob Ultra on me.

Did you make her finish, or just call her a failure and send her on her way?

[Mecca]

Wait, people actually use that website?

ROFL

There was a story a few months ago about how Ken Hamlin has a profile on that site.

[Moobs]

Well, I can't really think of one. Worst BJ? A gal in college that, upon sensing my orgasm, came up for air and said, "Here come the demons!"

That was somewhat disconcerting.

I think this is the funniest thing I have ever read.

[eazyb81]

Even drunk, I don't think I would leave a load in a whale.

I had a bad habit of busting inside girls while in college. :doh!:

[Mecca]

I wouldn't say it's my worst one but the most awkward one is this...

I was banging this married chick she was pretty good looking and she had said her husband didn't care...I didn't really care if he did or not but even when she said that I didn't completely believe it...

So we're going at it and her husband comes home and walks right in the room and says "hey are you 2 having fun?" so I immediately think oh shit...and he goes "oh by all meand don't mind me" and gets clothes out of the closet and goes to take a shower.

[ziggysocki]

Then he crept out of the shower, snuck up behind you and gave you surprise buttsecks!

[ferrarispider95]

I had a bad habit of busting inside girls while in college. :doh!:

Do you get a little nervous when the out of state phone # comes up on your caller id

['Hamas' Jenkins]

Did you make her finish, or just call her a failure and send her on her way?

Well...actually I might as well tell the rest of the story...

I went in and showered, made her brush her teeth, then when I got out of the shower, I tittyfucked her until I gave her a pearl necklace.

[Mecca]

Then he crept out of the shower, snuck up behind you and gave you surprise buttsecks!

Ack!

The funniest part of the story was after I made something to eat in the kitchen and this guy sat down and started talking to me about sports, it was just really weird.

[ziggysocki]

Do you get a little nervous when the out of state phone # comes up on your caller id

Only when it is from "Science Labs Genetic Testing"

['Hamas' Jenkins]

I wouldn't say it's my worst one but the most awkward one is this...

I was banging this married chick she was pretty good looking and she had said her husband didn't care...I didn't really care if he did or not but even when she said that I didn't completely believe it...

So we're going at it and her husband comes home and walks right in the room and says "hey are you 2 having fun?" so I immediately think oh shit...and he goes "oh by all meand don't mind me" and gets clothes out of the closet and goes to take a shower.

I honestly don't know what I would do in that situation.

[The Franchise]

Well...actually I might as well tell the rest of the story...

I went in and showered, made her brush her teeth, then when I got out of the shower, I tittyfucked her until I gave her a pearl necklace.

:clap:

[ziggysocki]

When I was in high school, I worked at a pizza hut with the mega-whale who had a reputation for giving out blow-J's like candy on Halloween. One night her car would not start, so I offered her a ride home. She accepted and as she was getting out she said in the most nonchalant manner, "If you ever want me to give you head, just ask." She got out of the car and sat there slack jawed for a minute. It was just odd. After that, I could not get drunk around her, cause every time I did I started thinking that I should take her up on it.

[Mecca]

When I was in high school, I worked at a pizza hut with the mega-whale who had a reputation for giving out blow-J's like candy on Halloween. One night her car would not start, so I offered her a ride home. She accepted and as she was getting out she said in the most nonchalant manner, "If you ever want me to give you head, just ask." She got out of the car and sat there slack jawed for a minute. It was just odd. After that, I could not get drunk around her, cause every time I did I started thinking that I should take her up on it.

I'm sure everyone has gotten blown by a fat chick in their younger days.

A friend of mine fucked a chick who had a black eye...he met her at the bar and she literally looked like she had gotten in a fight and got her ass beat and he still banged her.

[MIAdragon]

Then he crept out of the shower, snuck up behind you and gave you surprise buttsecks!

http://www.motifake.com/motivational_posters/bf2261d3e8.jpg

[Long Duk Dong]

Well, I can't really think of one. Worst BJ? A gal in college that, upon sensing my orgasm, came up for air and said, "Here come the demons!"

That was somewhat disconcerting.

ROFLROFLROFL

[Mecca]

I had a bad habit of busting inside girls while in college. :doh!:

This is why you should have partaken in anal sex that way there are no kids as a result of this problem.

[Long Duk Dong]

Then he crept out of the shower, snuck up behind you and gave you surprise buttsecks!

:LOL::LOL:

['Hamas' Jenkins]

Hearing Mecca's story, I'm reminded of that incredibly disturbing scene in "Sideways".

[Mecca]

Hearing Mecca's story, I'm reminded of that incredibly disturbing scene in "Sideways".

Weird shit ALWAYS happens to me, just the other day I could have banged a chick who was so goth she would put other goth chicks to shame.

[ChiTown]

I wouldn't say it's my worst one but the most awkward one is this...

I was banging this married chick she was pretty good looking and she had said her husband didn't care...I didn't really care if he did or not but even when she said that I didn't completely believe it...

So we're going at it and her husband comes home and walks right in the room and says "hey are you 2 having fun?" so I immediately think oh shit...and he goes "oh by all meand don't mind me" and gets clothes out of the closet and goes to take a shower.

excuse me while I call BS on this one.

[sedated]

So we're going at it and her husband comes home and walks right in the room and says "hey are you 2 having fun?" so I immediately think oh shit...and he goes "oh by all meand don't mind me" and gets clothes out of the closet and goes to take a shower.

"Go on inside, boys, and make yourselves at home. You can rest up, get something to drink, fuck my wife, whatever you want. Just don't do anything the good lord wouldn't do."

<img src="http://www.thejay.com/wp-content/freakshow.jpg">

[Mecca]

excuse me while I call BS on this one.

LOL..if you talk to very many people you'd be utterly stunned at how many people have open relationships.

[ziggysocki]

I'm sure everyone has gotten blown by a fat chick in their younger days.

A friend of mine fucked a chick who had a black eye...he met her at the bar and she literally looked like she had gotten in a fight and got her ass beat and he still banged her.

This chick was more than a whale.... more like a cross between Jabba the Hutt and the elephant man. I mean I have porked chubbies, but this was ....... just .... uggghhh

[El Jefe]

excuse me while I call BS on this one.

I am siding with you on this.

[Mecca]

This chick was more than a whale.... more like a cross between Jabba the Hutt and the elephant man. I mean I have porked chubbies, but this was ....... just .... uggghhh

Are you saying she was a female version of Brian Waters?

[ziggysocki]

Are you saying she was a female version of Brian Waters?

lolz! Pretty fucking close, more like the product of Waters and the late Andre the Giant.

[Mecca]

lolz! Pretty fucking close, more like the product of Waters and the late Andre the Giant.

Andre has a daughter....picture that, and yes she's as scary looking as you'd expect.

[Rooster]

I had to drip her in flower to find the wet spot. I found out later I actually did her belly button. So techincally she wasn't the worst screw I guess. :)

[Goapics1]

I had to drip her in flower to find the wet spot. I found out later I actually did her belly button. So techincally she wasn't the worst screw I guess. :)

Sexy. Is that cake icing she is showcasing? Wonder what she wants to do with that............................

[MOhillbilly]

I had to drip her in flower to find the wet spot. I found out later I actually did her belly button. So techincally she wasn't the worst screw I guess. :)

BOOOOOOO!!!!! i should send you a red square.

[Orlandochiefsgrl]

amy sallee

[ziggysocki]

I had to drip her in flower to find the wet spot. I found out later I actually did her belly button. So techincally she wasn't the worst screw I guess. :)

Is that Andre's daughter? :eek:

[MOhillbilly]

amy sallee

come again.

[ziggysocki]

amy sallee

I don't get it either??? :hmmm:

[Tiger's Fan]

You probably weren't drunk enough

Neither was she.

[BigMeatballDave]

Well, I can't really think of one. Worst BJ? A gal in college that, upon sensing my orgasm, came up for air and said, "Here come the demons!"

That was somewhat disconcerting.LMAO

[ziggysocki]

Once, a while pleasuring me, a chunkier girl said, "I'm ready for the cream filling." The entire rest of the time I was worried she was going to forget that it wasn't a twinky in her mouth and take a bite... It was a bit nerve wracking.

[Niblet2008]

Havent had too many bad experiences except for this one in college. I was hammered and just wanted some tail...she didnt tell me she was on her period.

[ziggysocki]

Havent had too many bad experiences except for this one in college. I was hammered and just wanted some tail...she didnt tell me she was on her period.

Did you find out before you brushed your teeth the next morning? :drool:

[Discuss Thrower]

Well, I can't really think of one. Worst BJ? A gal in college that, upon sensing my orgasm, came up for air and said, "Here come the demons!"

That was somewhat disconcerting.

Props to you for getting blown by Sarah Palin years before she started a political career.

[ziggysocki]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Donger View Post
Well, I can't really think of one. Worst BJ? A gal in college that, upon sensing my orgasm, came up for air and said, "Here come the demons!"

That was somewhat disconcerting.
Props to you for getting blown by Sarah Palin years before she started a political career.
The only re-work would be "Here come the demons, dontcha know!"

[raybec 4]

Mine was about in 97-98ish?? Geez Mr. wutamess.

No wonder it wasn't very good, at that age I'm surprised she lived through it. That odor was the smell of death.

[JOhn]

First let me say I blame it on the alcohol, and my cousin. She had a great body, but the whole ugly forest must have hit her. But as the nite wore on, and the shots continued she got better looking. Then at around closine time my memory gets a little fuzzy. But I do remember that I THOUGHT at one point she was a really hot chick, then she rolled over and I got a good look at her face.:eek:

I awoke the next morning, and very quickly ( before she woke up) left her place. When I for home I realized that I had bite marks in places I shouldn't have. Then to make things worse she gave me a gift, that I had to go visit the Dr for.:deevee:

[Hammock Parties]

NEVER HAD SEX LOL

[kaplin42]

First let me say I blame it on the alcohol, and my cousin. She had a great body, but the whole ugly forest must have hit her. But as the nite wore on, and the shots continued she got better looking. Then at around closine time my memory gets a little fuzzy. But I do remember that I THOUGHT at one point she was a really hot chick, then she rolled over and I got a good look at her face.:eek:

I awoke the next morning, and very quickly ( before she woke up) left her place. When I for home I realized that I had bite marks in places I shouldn't have. Then to make things worse she gave me a gift, that I had to go visit the Dr for.:deevee:

You banged your cousin?

And she gave you the clap doing it?

ehh......

[Hammock Parties]

First let me say I blame it on the alcohol, and my cousin. She had a great body, but the whole ugly forest must have hit her. But as the nite wore on, and the shots continued she got better looking. Then at around closine time my memory gets a little fuzzy. But I do remember that I THOUGHT at one point she was a really hot chick, then she rolled over and I got a good look at her face.:eek:

I awoke the next morning, and very quickly ( before she woke up) left her place. When I for home I realized that I had bite marks in places I shouldn't have. Then to make things worse she gave me a gift, that I had to go visit the Dr for.:deevee:

Holy shit, you fucked your cousin? You really are an inbred redneck. I mean, I always believed it had some element of truth, but now we know for sure. WOW!

[ziggysocki]

First let me say I blame it on the alcohol, and my cousin. She had a great body, but the whole ugly forest must have hit her. But as the nite wore on, and the shots continued she got better looking. Then at around closine time my memory gets a little fuzzy. But I do remember that I THOUGHT at one point she was a really hot chick, then she rolled over and I got a good look at her face.:eek:

I awoke the next morning, and very quickly ( before she woke up) left her place. When I for home I realized that I had bite marks in places I shouldn't have. Then to make things worse she gave me a gift, that I had to go visit the Dr for.:deevee:

The worst part was that she got it from your Uncle.

[Hammock Parties]

i thought that site was a scam

It's the only legit internet hookup site that I've found. There are actually real people on it.

[JOhn]

Holy shit, you ****ed your cousin? You really are an inbred redneck. I mean, I always believed it had some element of truth, but now we know for sure. WOW!
:rolleyes:

No, but the more shots I had, my cousin kept telling me that the "girl" in question was better looking than was true. That and cous was the one buying me the shots.

But yes, I am a Redneck. :thumb:

[ziggysocki]

This thread cracks my shit up! Someone post some more crazy shit. Like Clerks II style...

[BIG_DADDY]

If Obama gets in we all will get to share the same ultimate screw job.

[Hammock Parties]

This thread is really grossing me out.

[keg in kc]

Some classic shit in here.

Mine are all of the chubby/whale variety. I'm at the point now I'd rather go without than go chubby.

[Hammock Parties]

This thread:

http://www.best-horror-movies.com/images/Evil-Dead-Ash-choking.jpg

[Robo-Chachi]

No fancy story here, but after having sex with the girl I am least proud of bedding in my life her dog came in the room and gave me this look of "I am so disappointed in you." I will never forget the shame that dog cast upon me.

[keg in kc]

No fancy story here, but after having sex with the girl I am least proud of bedding in my life her dog came in the room and gave me this look of "I am so disappointed in you." I will never forget the shame that dog cast upon me.ROFL

[JOhn]

No fancy story here, but after having sex with the girl I am least proud of bedding in my life her dog came in the room and gave me this look of "I am so disappointed in you." I will never forget the shame that dog cast upon me.

At least he didn't try and hop on and form a train:eek:

[Long Duk Dong]

I remember one time, I was hooking up with this girl. We start going at it and I am using my finger to get her all piped and ready to go.

As I am doing this, I kinda feel her clench up a bit and im thinking "cool, she is going to have a orgasm and go crazy." Not 3 seconds letter, she lets out the biggest queef. I started busting up and could not stop laughing. My boner went almost limp immediately. Damn funniest thing ever.

[Hammock Parties]

No fancy story here, but after having sex with the girl I am least proud of bedding in my life her dog came in the room and gave me this look of "I am so disappointed in you." I will never forget the shame that dog cast upon me.

http://img231.imageshack.us/img231/8294/wtfdogpj4.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

http://img171.imageshack.us/img171/2826/dog1yg6.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

[Long Duk Dong]

If Obama gets in we all will get to share the same ultimate screw job.

:clap::clap: ROFL

[88TG88]

First let me say I blame it on the alcohol, and my cousin. She had a great body, but the whole ugly forest must have hit her. But as the nite wore on, and the shots continued she got better looking. Then at around closine time my memory gets a little fuzzy. But I do remember that I THOUGHT at one point she was a really hot chick, then she rolled over and I got a good look at her face.:eek:

I awoke the next morning, and very quickly ( before she woke up) left her place. When I for home I realized that I had bite marks in places I shouldn't have. Then to make things worse she gave me a gift, that I had to go visit the Dr for.:deevee:

Some dude in my speech class told the EXACT same story in a speech. It's creeping me out now.

['Hamas' Jenkins]

Weird shit ALWAYS happens to me, just the other day I could have banged a chick who was so goth she would put other goth chicks to shame.

She was so goth she shit bats.

['Hamas' Jenkins]

When I was sophomore over Homecoming, I actually took two sorostitutes home.

When I asked them if they wanted to get out of the party, they said "sure, we'll make you some cookies."

I said, "I've got a better idea, I'll make you some pasta." So, shit hammered, we drive over to Hy-Vee. I buy a bag of spaghetti noodles and a jar of Prego. On the drive back over to my place, the hotter of the two chicks barfs in my back seat, including on my leather jacket....one chick down.

Well, we get back to my place, I tell the more sober of the two chicks (her name was Christie ROFL ) to wait in the living room. I take "Julie", the other chick into my room, and dump her on the floor like a pile of laundry to avenge my jacket.

I go back out and start cooking the pasta...but never having cooked pasta before, I just dumped the Prego in with the noodles w/o boiling water first. It didn't turn out well. So, we eat this shit, and I tell her I'm going to dump this stuff, and she goes into my room. We start fooling around a little bit, and after a short period, I get up to go to the bano and brush my teeth (obsession). I come out of the bathroom and one of my roommates has stirred. He sees me, wearing track pants and nothing else with a shit-eating grin on my face.

"Why are you so happy?" He says.

"Because there are two chicks in my bedroom".

I saunter back in and start making out with this chick again. Here was my line while we were in bed. "Well...do you want to fuck?"

Her, "Well, since you put it so smoothly, sure." ROFL (I'm barely 19 @ this point).

So, we're messing around, and I say, "You wanna try something a little different?"

She says, "Sure." So I get out the video camera that I had and set it up on Paris Hilton nightvision.

She then says, "Wait, how about Julie too?"

Dumbfounded, I say "I don't know, she just puked." (The single greatest mistake of my life. The correct answer was "Fuck yes, I'll get a toothbrush." This freaks me out so much I never start the camera

Well, we are messing around for a while, but I can't finish, because I have whiskey dick. So, she says hold on, starts deep throating me, and then...

proceeds to shove her index finger in my butthole. She gets one joint deep, and I immediately jump back, pushing her away. She says "are you OK." and me, fighting off tears of pain say "Why would you ever think that was a good idea?" She tells me she used to do it to her old BF to get him off. :Lin:

Shortly thereafter, Julie wakes up, says she's cold, so I take the towels I put beneath us to catch vaginal juices, sweat and other secretions out and say "Here, curl up with this." And throw it on her head.

The chick was phenomenal in bed, but way too much of a freak for me.

Makes for a good memory, though.

[kstater]

The stench of Bullshit is strong in this thread.

[Mecca]

You got the finger.....you shoulda said whoa whoa whoa you take it up the ass not me honey!

[Hammock Parties]

Hamas is a prude!

[Mecca]

Hamas is a prude!

This from the guy who was freaking out at the concept of giving a woman anal..

[Hammock Parties]

This from the guy who was freaking out at the concept of giving a woman anal..

Doesn't mean I wouldn't do it...

[Mecca]

Doesn't mean I wouldn't do it...

That freaky goth chick I showed you the other day offered me the butt...

['Hamas' Jenkins]

Hamas is a prude!

That was 7 years ago. I still wouldn't take a finger up the butthole, but I know the correct answer to the threesome question now.

[R&GHomer]

While in school I worked with a girl that was really narcissistic. She was a Monet painting.

Anyway one night a bunch of us from work went out drinking.
I proceeded to get hammered and she offered to drive me home. When we got to my place one thing lead to another and as I was starting my first thrust she screamed that she new I had always wanted her. That sobered me up real quick. I stopped got up and asked her to leave. She demanded a reason and I stated that I was not that hard up to dole out a charity fock.

Ang

A chick from work? That's some scarey shit right there. Way to keep peedee in the pants. Yikes.... that shit can get UGLY

[Mecca]

A chick from work? That's some scarey shit right there. Way to keep peedee in the pants. Yikes.... that shit can get UGLY

Oh cmon when I was in high school I had a job at a grocery store and banged a chick I worked with in the milk cooler.

[R&GHomer]

Props to you for getting blown by Sarah Palin years before she started a political career.

:eek: LOL

[ziggysocki]

I remember one time, I was hooking up with this girl. We start going at it and I am using my finger to get her all piped and ready to go.

As I am doing this, I kinda feel her clench up a bit and im thinking "cool, she is going to have a orgasm and go crazy." Not 3 seconds letter, she lets out the biggest queef. I started busting up and could not stop laughing. My boner went almost limp immediately. Damn funniest thing ever.

Makes me wonder how many doggystyle induced queefs have been edited out of porn movies since 1975. Funny shit.:LOL:

[R&GHomer]

Oh cmon when I was in high school I had a job at a grocery store and banged a chick I worked with in the milk cooler.

I was refering to the politcal climate at work when you decide to go out with someone that you work with... the whole department finds out and she turns into the resident sycho. :D

Funny now that it's over, She's fired and sometimes I'm allowed to forget it.

[Iowanian]

LOL..if you talk to very many people you'd be utterly stunned at how many people have open relationships.


And you'll be stunned when the next husband pulls a .45 out of his belt and turns your chest into a canoe.


It should be legal too.

[ziggysocki]

And you'll be stunned when the next husband pulls a .45 out of his belt and turns your chest into a canoe.


It should be legal too.

I am of the oppinion that more of the blame falls to the offending spouse than the "other woman/man". Therefore when it is a double murder, I tend to feel way more sympathy for the innocent wife/husband fucker.;)

[Mecca]

Hey the guy was ok with it, so I didn't get shot and all was ok.

[Iowanian]

Well I guess that makes boning married women a GREAT idea.

[alanm]

Back in the day, I was Kimble Anders. I was very capable of toting the rock myself, could catch a swing pass and run like the wind....but was a team player and when duty called, I'd take out the linebacker to help my buddy get around the corner.


I'm not sharing anything particular, but I had a wingman block for me once that takest he cake. He took out a Saleamua for me. I'm certain he cut blocked her to the ground.

Anyway, the chic was easy 3 bills, had a broken leg(in a cast above the knee). He said when she took her shirt off, she looked like a dead bullfrog on its back...rubbery belly all bloated.....and he did her in the tooter.

Everyone needs a loyal lead blocker who will sell his body for the team to score.Now that's a friend. :thumb:

[Mecca]

Well I guess that makes boning married women a GREAT idea.

Who am I to judge their relationship...it benefited me at the time.

[Ebolapox]

When I was sophomore over Homecoming, I actually took two sorostitutes home.

When I asked them if they wanted to get out of the party, they said "sure, we'll make you some cookies."

I said, "I've got a better idea, I'll make you some pasta." So, shit hammered, we drive over to Hy-Vee. I buy a bag of spaghetti noodles and a jar of Prego. On the drive back over to my place, the hotter of the two chicks barfs in my back seat, including on my leather jacket....one chick down.

Well, we get back to my place, I tell the more sober of the two chicks (her name was Christie ROFL ) to wait in the living room. I take "Julie", the other chick into my room, and dump her on the floor like a pile of laundry to avenge my jacket.

I go back out and start cooking the pasta...but never having cooked pasta before, I just dumped the Prego in with the noodles w/o boiling water first. It didn't turn out well. So, we eat this shit, and I tell her I'm going to dump this stuff, and she goes into my room. We start fooling around a little bit, and after a short period, I get up to go to the bano and brush my teeth (obsession). I come out of the bathroom and one of my roommates has stirred. He sees me, wearing track pants and nothing else with a shit-eating grin on my face.

"Why are you so happy?" He says.

"Because there are two chicks in my bedroom".

I saunter back in and start making out with this chick again. Here was my line while we were in bed. "Well...do you want to fuck?"

Her, "Well, since you put it so smoothly, sure." ROFL (I'm barely 19 @ this point).

So, we're messing around, and I say, "You wanna try something a little different?"

She says, "Sure." So I get out the video camera that I had and set it up on Paris Hilton nightvision.

She then says, "Wait, how about Julie too?"

Dumbfounded, I say "I don't know, she just puked." (The single greatest mistake of my life. The correct answer was "Fuck yes, I'll get a toothbrush." This freaks me out so much I never start the camera

Well, we are messing around for a while, but I can't finish, because I have whiskey dick. So, she says hold on, starts deep throating me, and then...

proceeds to shove her index finger in my butthole. She gets one joint deep, and I immediately jump back, pushing her away. She says "are you OK." and me, fighting off tears of pain say "Why would you ever think that was a good idea?" She tells me she used to do it to her old BF to get him off. :Lin:

Shortly thereafter, Julie wakes up, says she's cold, so I take the towels I put beneath us to catch vaginal juices, sweat and other secretions out and say "Here, curl up with this." And throw it on her head.

The chick was phenomenal in bed, but way too much of a freak for me.

Makes for a good memory, though.

http://www.pe.com/imagesdaily/2008/04-17/ralphie_may_400.jpg

'the fonzie'--HEEEEEEY!

you girls know--the fonzie will get you a tennis bracelet.

[Bwana]

Shit house door on a tuna boat........enough said.

[NewChief]

That was 7 years ago. I still wouldn't take a finger up the butthole, but I know the correct answer to the threesome question now.

The old ace in the hole.


Look at the bright side, if you would have said yes to a threesome, you might have ended up getting fisted.

[Mr. Flopnuts]

My buddy and I lived together in college and there lots of other college kids living in our apartment complex. One night these two chicks are outside so my buddy and I go outside to smooth em up.

The Asian girl is pretty good looking and for whatever reason she has a fat fetish and has taken a liking to me. Her friend was haggard. And when I say haggard, I mean her face looked like it got dented with a stick.

My cousin (who was there at the time) started calling her cheeto because her two front teef were straight up fucking orange. It was that bad and worse. Well, drinking ensued. The Asian girl started telling me about the other 50 guys she had banged that year and I lost interest, and my buddy and cheeto disappeared into his bedroom.

Suddenly the door closed. My cousin had caroused the asian whore into my bathroom and I could hear them in there banging around. All of a sudden my buddy comes out of his bedroom butt naked looking for his wooden back massager. LMAO He found it and went back into the bedroom.

I'm sitting there kind of laughing to myself over the interesting course that the evening took when I hear my buddy scream out "WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!?!? GET THE FUCK OUT BITCH!!!!!" (He's "That guy". We had cops outside with someone pulled over one night and their lights were shining in his window. He closed his drapes, waited 5 minutes and screamed out "TURN YOUR FUCKING LIGHTS OFF PIG!!!!!!")

Anyways, back to the lecture at hand. This chick comes running out of his room half nekkid and bails out the front door. I beeline into his bedroom and there are streaks of shit all over his sheets, his stomach, and :eek: his face. He told me he loosened her up with the massager and then dove in the back door when about 2 minutes in, splattering ensued. I barfed. Literally, all over his floor. But I've laughed about it for 12 years now, and I'm sure I'll never forget it.

[Hammock Parties]

Holy fucking shit.

[Mecca]

Dude is he retarded if you have anal sex with a chick who doesn't do an enema there is going to be some shit come out, it baffles me how many people don't understand this.

['Hamas' Jenkins]

My buddy and I lived together in college and there lots of other college kids living in our apartment complex. One night these two chicks are outside so my buddy and I go outside to smooth em up.

The Asian girl is pretty good looking and for whatever reason she has a fat fetish and has taken a liking to me. Her friend was haggard. And when I say haggard, I mean her face looked like it got dented with a stick.

My cousin (who was there at the time) started calling her cheeto because her two front teef were straight up fucking orange. It was that bad and worse. Well, drinking ensued. The Asian girl started telling me about the other 50 guys she had banged that year and I lost interest, and my buddy and cheeto disappeared into his bedroom.

Suddenly the door closed. My cousin had caroused the asian whore into my bathroom and I could hear them in there banging around. All of a sudden my buddy comes out of his bedroom butt naked looking for his wooden back massager. LMAO He found it and went back into the bedroom.

I'm sitting there kind of laughing to myself over the interesting course that the evening took when I hear my buddy scream out "WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!?!? GET THE FUCK OUT BITCH!!!!!" (He's "That guy". We had cops outside with someone pulled over one night and their lights were shining in his window. He closed his drapes, waited 5 minutes and screamed out "TURN YOUR FUCKING LIGHTS OFF PIG!!!!!!")

Anyways, back to the lecture at hand. This chick comes running out of his room half nekkid and bails out the front door. I beeline into his bedroom and there are streaks of shit all over his sheets, his stomach, and :eek: his face. He told me he loosened her up with the massager and then dove in the back door when about 2 minutes in, splattering ensued. I barfed. Literally, all over his floor. But I've laughed about it for 12 years now, and I'm sure I'll never forget it.

Sounds like you could have used the help of Joe the Plumber.

ROFL

[ziggysocki]

OMFG really.... I am about to have a seizure... Thanks for sharing Mr. Flopnuts. I just threw up in my mouth a little.

[Mr. Flopnuts]

Dude is he retarded if you have anal sex with a chick who doesn't do an enema there is going to be some shit come out, it baffles me how many people don't understand this.

Well, we were 20 at the time. So I'm pretty sure most 20 year olds don't know that. But besides that, do you seriously ask a chick before you plug her butthole if she's had her monthly suppository? Plus, it was an UNGODLY amount of fecal matter. I've had my fair share of brown and never even remotely came close to seeing what I saw that night. It was like this girl dropped a deuce and skipped wiping her ass.

[Mr. Flopnuts]

OMFG really.... I am about to have a seizure... Thanks for sharing Mr. Flopnuts. I just threw up in my mouth a little.

Sorry, I normally don't get into the storytelling here, but that one was too good to pass up. We're all friends right? ROFL

['Hamas' Jenkins]

The old ace in the hole.


Look at the bright side, if you would have said yes to a threesome, you might have ended up getting fisted.

LMAO LMAO...Thank you for this. I never thought of it that way.

[Mecca]

Well, we were 20 at the time. So I'm pretty sure most 20 year olds don't know that. But besides that, do you seriously ask a chick before you plug her butthole if she's had her monthly suppository? Plus, it was an UNGODLY amount of fecal matter. I've had my fair share of brown and never even remotely came close to seeing what I saw that night. It was like this girl dropped a deuce and skipped wiping her ass.

If he caught her at the end of the day, or she didn't go the day before that is very possible...

[ziggysocki]

Ok, I gotta share this one.... the sex is basically normal, but the aftermath is disturbing... I met this girl at the bar, and went to her place at closing time. We were both pretty drunk, and made for some long, sloppy, loud sex... The entire time her fucking mini dog was scratching at the bedroom door and barking... After I spooged on her gut, we basically passed out for a bit. Then the fucking dog woke me up AGAIN. Finally I just let the little bastard in the bedroom. I roll over and am kinda passing out again when I hear a dog lapping like it is eating gravy. This nasty fuckin mutt was lappin at her snatch! I slap the fuckin thing but it keeps coming back! 3 times this happens and I had enuf, I grab my close and get the hell out... she never woke up. Dogs are fucking gross.

[petegz28]

Mine was about in 97-98ish when Adult Friendfinder used to be free.
I came across this chick and got her number to meet her later. She sounded sexy as hell over the phone.

Fast forward to that night (since she was at work when we originally spoke.) She gave me directions to her home (which was about 5 miles from where I stayed. Anyways, I get over there and didn't want to be rude and just leave so we hold a conversation. 20-30 minutes later I'm nailing a 5-10ish 200 lbish banshee. After we were done, I left and couldn't get that odor off of me for the life of me.

It wasn't that bad of an odor... it was just an odor.

What's your "take one for the team/ I was bored and wanted to get off" story?



I'm not sure I would of told that story, Roger. :LOL:

[Donger]

Ok, I gotta share this one.... the sex is basically normal, but the aftermath is disturbing... I met this girl at the bar, and went to her place at closing time. We were both pretty drunk, and made for some long, sloppy, loud sex... The entire time her ****ing mini dog was scratching at the bedroom door and barking... After I spooged on her gut, we basically passed out for a bit. Then the ****ing dog woke me up AGAIN. Finally I just let the little bastard in the bedroom. I roll over and am kinda passing out again when I hear a dog lapping like it is eating gravy. This nasty ****in mutt was lappin at her snatch! I slap the ****in thing but it keeps coming back! 3 times this happens and I had enuf, I grab my close and get the hell out... she never woke up. Dogs are ****ing gross.

She wasn't asleep.

[wutamess]

She wasn't asleep.

Exactly...
Seems to me like it's a normal day at her place.

[ziggysocki]

Damn Mr. Flopnuts, I'm seriously disturbed by the shit stain post. I keep getting visuals similar to 2 girls 1 cup. But more like 1 asian 1 butt.

[Mr. Flopnuts]

Damn Mr. Flopnuts, I'm seriously disturbed by the shit stain post. I keep getting visuals similar to 2 girls 1 cup. But more like 1 asian 1 butt.

LMAO Actually it was cheeto, my cousin banged the VD infested asian without a hitch.

[ROYC75]

I was a police officer in Derby Ks, while on patrol, you meet a lot of chicks . I had my fair share of who I wanted being single and physically fit. Met these 2 chicks one night from Hutchinson Ks while on patrol. One was fairly good looking, the other was a fox. She had it all, but she was deaf for the most part. Thru the conversation, I mentioned I was playing in an ASA softball tourney that weekend.

They gave the address and of where they lived and came to the games to watch. That night, I spent the night there with them. The girl who could talk and I didn't hit it off too well, but the deaf girl wanted me, it was easy to tell. I knew I was probably set up for it. So I ended up in bed with her....... :eek: MY GOD, this gal was wild, you couldn't keep in rhythm with her, she moaned, she screamed. She had the awfullest sound that literally scared the hell out of you. All damn night this broad wanted it, we never got it right because of her Halloween howling. The sounds were horrifying man, I mean loud .

Her sister came in the room the next morning and asked if everything was OK . I said well, yeah, it was great. She knew I was lying to her, she said, I've been trying to get her to relax why she does this but I can't find anybody that will stay with her long enough to teach her. I told her I lived too far away and wasn't ready to settle down with anybody, I wasn't her man. Come to find out that her parents were dead and she was trying to hook her sister up to relieve her of taking care of her. I thought I had just been in the Twilight Zone.

I played a lot of tournaments in Hutchison and was always scared I would see her / them again. I did a few times, but they just waved and went on .

[Smed1065]

And you'll be stunned when the next husband pulls a .45 out of his belt and turns your chest into a canoe.


It should be legal too.

Mr all I say is true............=Fuk U if you disagree or had experienced different. I live in Iowa and know all, just ask me.

ROFL

[ziggysocki]

Mr. ROYC75...two words. Ear Plugs! lol... good story.

[Mr. Flopnuts]

I was a police officer in Derby Ks, while on patrol, you meet a lot of chicks . I had my fair share of who I wanted being single and physically fit. Met these 2 chicks one night from Hutchinson Ks while on patrol. One was fairly good looking, the other was a fox. She had it all, but she was deaf for the most part. Thru the conversation, I mentioned I was playing in an ASA softball tourney that weekend.

They gave the address and of where they lived and came to the games to watch. That night, I spent the night there with them. The girl who could talk and I didn't hit it off too well, but the deaf girl wanted me, it was easy to tell. I knew I was probably set up for it. So I ended up in bed with her....... :eek: MY GOD, this gal was wild, you couldn't keep in rhythm with her, she moaned, she screamed. She had the awfullest sound that literally scared the hell out of you. All damn night this broad wanted it, we never got it right because of her Halloween howling. The sounds were horrifying man, I mean loud .

Her sister came in the room the next morning and asked if everything was OK . I said well, yeah, it was great. She knew I was lying to her, she said, I've been trying to get her to relax why she does this but I can't find anybody that will stay with her long enough to teach her. I told her I lived too far away and wasn't ready to settle down with anybody, I wasn't her man. Come to find out that her parents were dead and she was trying to hook her sister up to relieve her of taking care of her. I thought I had just been in the Twilight Zone.

I played a lot of tournaments in Hutchison and was always scared I would see her / them again. I did a few times, but they just waved and went on .

LMAO My cousin was banging this girl and she started moaning to him "I'm nutting. I'm nutting!!!!" My cousin wasn't after she said that shit.

[ziggysocki]

LMAO My cousin was banging this girl and she started moaning to him "I'm nutting. I'm nutting!!!!" My cousin wasn't after she said that shit.

Thats hilarious... we need to start a new thread on weird shit that was said during or after sex.... I would agree a suspected female declaring that she is "nutting" would be a bonerkill:banghead:

[Ebolapox]

me: 'ooh, baby, my dick feels like corn'
woman: 'yeah, pop that pussy orvel reddenbacker!'

[Hammock Parties]

That's hot.

[ziggysocki]

So nothing else... no crazy poop stories?

[luv]

"Coming to" after being drunk and realizing I'm having sex with a jerk. That's all you're getting.

[Ebolapox]

"Coming to" after being drunk and realizing I'm having sex with a jerk. That's all you're getting.

sorry to bring it up, but would that be the infamous mooo story? cause I didn't realize they made alcoholic gatorade.

[RJ]

I was a police officer in Derby Ks, while on patrol, you meet a lot of chicks . I had my fair share of who I wanted being single and physically fit. Met these 2 chicks one night from Hutchinson Ks while on patrol. One was fairly good looking, the other was a fox. She had it all, but she was deaf for the most part. Thru the conversation, I mentioned I was playing in an ASA softball tourney that weekend.

They gave the address and of where they lived and came to the games to watch. That night, I spent the night there with them. The girl who could talk and I didn't hit it off too well, but the deaf girl wanted me, it was easy to tell. I knew I was probably set up for it. So I ended up in bed with her....... :eek: MY GOD, this gal was wild, you couldn't keep in rhythm with her, she moaned, she screamed. She had the awfullest sound that literally scared the hell out of you. All damn night this broad wanted it, we never got it right because of her Halloween howling. The sounds were horrifying man, I mean loud .

Her sister came in the room the next morning and asked if everything was OK . I said well, yeah, it was great. She knew I was lying to her, she said, I've been trying to get her to relax why she does this but I can't find anybody that will stay with her long enough to teach her. I told her I lived too far away and wasn't ready to settle down with anybody, I wasn't her man. Come to find out that her parents were dead and she was trying to hook her sister up to relieve her of taking care of her. I thought I had just been in the Twilight Zone.

I played a lot of tournaments in Hutchison and was always scared I would see her / them again. I did a few times, but they just waved and went on .


Damn Roy, that's a great story. Deaf people do tend to make some strange sounds, and women having sex tend to make some strange sounds......that's a helluva combination.

[luv]

sorry to bring it up, but would that be the infamous mooo story? cause I didn't realize they made alcoholic gatorade.

Nope. And, believe it or not, there was not gatorade involved in our meeting.

[Ebolapox]

Nope. And, believe it or not, there was not gatorade involved in our meeting.

gotcha. just in the courtship, eh?

[luv]

gotcha. just in the courtship, eh?

No, I was drunk while posting in a thread. He recommended gatorade helping with the hangover. At the time, grape was really the only flavor I liked. I knew he lived in Springfield, so I kept telling him to bring me some. We didn't meet for like a month after that.

[Ebolapox]

No, I was drunk while posting in a thread. He recommended gatorade helping with the hangover. At the time, grape was really the only flavor I liked. I knew he lived in Springfield, so I kept telling him to bring me some. We didn't meet for like a month after that.

aight, never really did hear that story. that came at a point when I'd stopped really posting in the night crew threads for a while. missed a lot of stuff in those days.

[luv]

aight, never really did hear that story. that came at a point when I'd stopped really posting in the night crew threads for a while. missed a lot of stuff in those days.

Everyone ties the two threads together. No one even knew we were talking, let alone dating, until I posted the Moooo.... thread. I guess someone went back to see if they could figure out when. They saw the drunk thread and associated it with me meeting him. I've learned to live with it.

[blueballs]

Worst almost screw
Picked the bitch up somewhere -don't recall
says she needs to stop by her place first out in the boonies -fine
do you want to come in -sure
place was a pigsty -clothes piled in heaps
then she preceeds to tell me she's leaving her husband and needs to pick up somethings
before he comes home
she says she needs to hurry upstairs to grap some stuff -I say sure
she goes upstairs -I go out to the car and leave her ass

[2bikemike]

I wonder if Buckin Kaeding will show tomorrow with some story. He did say he was wasted at some gay bar tonight!

[ziggysocki]

I wonder if Buckin Kaeding will show tomorrow with some story. He did say he was wasted at some gay bar tonight!

See the following: http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=195645 Enjoy

[sedated]

Everyone ties the two threads together. No one even knew we were talking, let alone dating, until I posted the Moooo.... thread. I guess someone went back to see if they could figure out when. They saw the drunk thread and associated it with me meeting him. I've learned to live with it.

give credit where credit is due.

I was the unfortunate third party in that late night drunk thread that had to endure your incessant flirting.

[ziggysocki]

give credit where credit is due.

I was the unfortunate third party in that late night drunk thread that had to endure your incessant flirting.

Whew, I thought someone added another wooden massager-poop story. Just getting back from lunch, I don't know if I could take that. :eek:

[gblowfish]

Paying for 2008 Chiefs Season Tickets was a pretty bad screw...

[Jilly]

ANY time a male has been drunk has been the worst screw, as far as I can remember from back in the day

[luv]

give credit where credit is due.

I was the unfortunate third party in that late night drunk thread that had to endure your incessant flirting.

You're just jealous that I wasn't flirting with you. :p

[Hammock Parties]

While in school I worked with a girl that was really narcissistic. She was a Monet painting.

Anyway one night a bunch of us from work went out drinking.
I proceeded to get hammered and she offered to drive me home. When we got to my place one thing lead to another and as I was starting my first thrust she screamed that she new I had always wanted her. That sobered me up real quick. I stopped got up and asked her to leave. She demanded a reason and I stated that I was not that hard up to dole out a charity fock.

Ang

You stupid fuck.

[munkey]

Worst almost screw
Picked the bitch up somewhere -don't recall
says she needs to stop by her place first out in the boonies -fine
do you want to come in -sure
place was a pigsty -clothes piled in heaps
then she preceeds to tell me she's leaving her husband and needs to pick up somethings
before he comes home
she says she needs to hurry upstairs to grap some stuff -I say sure
she goes upstairs -I go out to the car and leave her ass

Ha...Mine would go like this....

Picked the bitch up at a local bar - friend of a friend
asks if she can come over to my place for a cocktail
we end up doing the deed
then she preceeds to tell me she's leaving her husband and needs to get home before 3am
i take her back to the bar and tell her to find a ride home and tell what a gash she is...that still pisses me off...grrr

[Fat Elvis]

Paying for 2008 Chiefs Season Tickets was a pretty bad screw...

Winner.

[Fat Elvis]

me: 'ooh, baby, my dick feels like corn'
woman: 'yeah, pop that pussy orvel reddenbacker!'

Corn? Really? Do you have severe genital warts or something?

[The Bad Guy]

My worst had to be my soph. year of college. There was a girl in my history class that I sat next to. Nice girl, pretty cute. We talked and it turned out she had a boyfriend. I was hell bent on getting her to break up with him.

Finally one night, she's giving me a HJ and it's like she has sandpaper on her palms. I was trying to finish, and make the best out of this awful HJ, and I look down and my dick has blood on it. I freaked out and told her to stop. She left some pretty good burn marks on there that didn't heal for about 2 weeks. Told her about it about a week later when she told me she wanted to start officially dating. I told her no thanks.

That was the night before I attended my first Chiefs game at Arrowhead. I had to sit on a plane in the worst pain of my life. Every time my boxers shifted, it was like someone was shocking me with a pair of jumper cables.

[CosmicPal]

My worst had to be my soph. year of college. There was a girl in my history class that I sat next to. Nice girl, pretty cute. We talked and it turned out she had a boyfriend. I was hell bent on getting her to break up with him.

Finally one night, she's giving me a HJ and it's like she has sandpaper on her palms. I was trying to finish, and make the best out of this awful HJ, and I look down and my dick has blood on it. I freaked out and told her to stop. She left some pretty good burn marks on there that didn't heal for about 2 weeks. Told her about it about a week later when she told me she wanted to start officially dating. I told her no thanks.

That was the night before I attended my first Chiefs game at Arrowhead. I had to sit on a plane in the worst pain of my life. Every time my boxers shifted, it was like someone was shocking me with a pair of jumper cables.

:eek:

[BigMeatballDave]

My worst had to be my soph. year of college. There was a girl in my history class that I sat next to. Nice girl, pretty cute. We talked and it turned out she had a boyfriend. I was hell bent on getting her to break up with him.

Finally one night, she's giving me a HJ and it's like she has sandpaper on her palms. I was trying to finish, and make the best out of this awful HJ, and I look down and my dick has blood on it. I freaked out and told her to stop. She left some pretty good burn marks on there that didn't heal for about 2 weeks. Told her about it about a week later when she told me she wanted to start officially dating. I told her no thanks.

That was the night before I attended my first Chiefs game at Arrowhead. I had to sit on a plane in the worst pain of my life. Every time my boxers shifted, it was like someone was shocking me with a pair of jumper cables.ROFL

[JuicesFlowing]

All I know is that drunk sex is never really good ... which is amusing since most people try to "get some" after a night at the bar ...

[allen_kcCard]

My worst had to be my soph. year of college. There was a girl in my history class that I sat next to. Nice girl, pretty cute. We talked and it turned out she had a boyfriend. I was hell bent on getting her to break up with him.

Finally one night, she's giving me a HJ and it's like she has sandpaper on her palms. I was trying to finish, and make the best out of this awful HJ, and I look down and my dick has blood on it. I freaked out and told her to stop. She left some pretty good burn marks on there that didn't heal for about 2 weeks. Told her about it about a week later when she told me she wanted to start officially dating. I told her no thanks.

That was the night before I attended my first Chiefs game at Arrowhead. I had to sit on a plane in the worst pain of my life. Every time my boxers shifted, it was like someone was shocking me with a pair of jumper cables.

Did the chiefs win?

[The Bad Guy]

Did the chiefs win?

Indeed they did.

Sunday night game against the Vikings in 99.

[dellzip]

Mine was about in 97-98ish when Adult Friendfinder used to be free.
I came across this chick and got her number to meet her later. She sounded sexy as hell over the phone.

Fast forward to that night (since she was at work when we originally spoke.) She gave me directions to her home (which was about 5 miles from where I stayed. Anyways, I get over there and didn't want to be rude and just leave so we hold a conversation. 20-30 minutes later I'm nailing a 5-10ish 200 lbish banshee. After we were done, I left and couldn't get that odor off of me for the life of me.

It wasn't that bad of an odor... it was just an odor.

What's your "take one for the team/ I was bored and wanted to get off" story?
Wow there are tons of bad ones here!

[Dave Lane]

Dude is he retarded if you have anal sex with a chick who doesn't do an enema there is going to be some shit come out, it baffles me how many people don't understand this.

Lube my friend and plenty of it. Kids ....

[CoMoChief]

Mine was about in 97-98ish when Adult Friendfinder used to be free.
I came across this chick and got her number to meet her later. She sounded sexy as hell over the phone.

Fast forward to that night (since she was at work when we originally spoke.) She gave me directions to her home (which was about 5 miles from where I stayed. Anyways, I get over there and didn't want to be rude and just leave so we hold a conversation. 20-30 minutes later I'm nailing a 5-10ish 200 lbish banshee. After we were done, I left and couldn't get that odor off of me for the life of me.

It wasn't that bad of an odor... it was just an odor.

What's your "take one for the team/ I was bored and wanted to get off" story?

ROFL Are you serious?

[bluehawkdoc]

Mine was about 97-98ish when Adult Friendfinder used to be free.
I came across this chick and got her number to meet her later. She sounded sexy as hell over the phone.

Fast forward to that night (since she was at work when we originally spoke.) She gave me directions to her home (which was about 5 miles from where I stayed. Anyways, I get over there and didn't want to be rude and just leave so we hold a conversation. 20-30 minutes later I'm nailing a 5-10ish 200 lbish banshee. After we were done, I left and couldn't get that odor off of me for the life of me.

It wasn't that bad of an odor... it was just an odor.

What's your "take one for the team/ I was bored and wanted to get off" story?
Dude, she was decomposing. What did you expect?

[allen_kcCard]

Indeed they did.

Sunday night game against the Vikings in 99.

I think that needs you need to get a sandpaper HJ more often to bring forth the good mojo during football season.

[Halfcan]

[QUOTE=Donger;5169604]Well, I can't really think of one. Worst BJ? A gal in college that, upon sensing my orgasm, came up for air and said, "Here come the demons!"

That was somewhat disconcerting.[/QUOTE


ROFL wow that is some crazy shit

[Mecca]

Who knew Donger had the demon seed?

[Demonpenz]

always keep lotion around for hj's not