Your Alternate Reality: A New Chiefsplanet Feature

[Rain Man]

Ever wonder how your life would've turned out if you had taken that other job? Asked that gal in the bar out on a date? Gone to that other college? Now's your chance to find out, with the Official Chiefsplanet "Alternative Life Generator".

Via the magic of math and random number generators, I will tell you how your life would have turned out differently. Your health, your wealth, your spouse, your job, even how attractive your children would have been - all with no input on your part.

So step right up and tell me what decision you would've made differently, and I'll tell you how your life would've turned out relative to the average American. (Math disclaimer: everything is random, so if it turns out bad, it's not my fault.)

As an example, I'll use myself. I pondered joining the Peace Corps when I got out of undergrad school. Using the Chiefsplanet Alternative Life Generator, my life would be like this if I had made that decision:

Better than XX% of America
Current
Health 76.9
Wealth 56.4
Happiness 47.0
Zip Code 76526
Job Enjoyment 98.2
Professional Success 80.7
Level of Fame Achieved 0.0
Marital Status Married
Spouse (or Ex) Attractiveness 64.8
Spouse (or Ex) Niceness 86.1
Future
Comfort of Retirement Years 29.9
Number of Marriages 1
Age at Death 99.0
Legacy
Number of Kids 1
Gender Niceness Success Relationship With Attractiveness
Child # 1 Male 8.6 32.2 81.0 4.9

I'd be pretty healthy, middle class, and a little less happy than average. Per Google Maps, I'd be living outside Waco in the town of Flat, Texas, and I'd be married to a very nice woman of above-average attractiveness. I would love my job and be pretty good at it. I'd live to 99, but retirement wouldn't treat me great. I'd have one very ugly, mean son that I get along well with.

Who's next?

[kstater]

What if I hadn't shot that dog when I was 6?

[Rain Man]

What if I hadn't shot that dog when I was 6?

Your guilt wouldn't have destroyed a life of great health and happiness, with a kind of mean wife and two unattractive but successful daughters who love you.

Better than XX% of America
Current
Health 97.5
Wealth 64.8
Happiness 77.6
Zip Code 67173
Job Enjoyment 58.0
Professional Success 65.3
Level of Fame Achieved 0.0
Marital Status Married
Spouse (or Ex) Attractiveness 33.6
Spouse (or Ex) Niceness 36.0
Future
Comfort of Retirement Years 96.4
Number of Marriages 1
Age at Death 72.0
Legacy
Number of Kids 2
Gender Niceness Success Relationship With Attractiveness
Child # 1 Female 61.4 89.1 85.0 1.5
2 Female 7.8 91.1 60.2 17.4

[Otter]

What would my life have turned out like if I went to OCS school after I graduated college and hadn't broken up with my sweetheart of many years at the same time?

[Rain Man]

What would my life have turned out like if I went to OCS school after I graduated college and hadn't broken up with my sweetheart of many years at the same time?

You would've lived a pretty happy life, breeding like bunnies with your nice wife until poor health killed you at age 33 at your home in Washington, D.C. You would have achieved a minor level of fame for some reason, and your youngest daughter would've been a real hottie.




Better than XX% of America
Current
Health 35.6
Wealth 40.5
Happiness 72.3
Zip Code 20069
Job Enjoyment 43.6
Professional Success 55.5
Level of Fame Achieved 17.3
Marital Status Married
Spouse (or Ex) Attractiveness 34.2
Spouse (or Ex) Niceness 54.0
Future
Comfort of Retirement Years N/A
Number of Marriages 1
Age at Death 33.0
Legacy
Number of Kids 5
Child # Gender Niceness Success Relationship With Attractiveness
1 Male 16.0 73.1 92.4 40.4
2 Male 15.6 62.9 34.3 65.1
3 Female 72.3 49.6 64.2 19.4
4 Male 59.3 59.2 14.1 74.7
5 Female 35.6 56.5 24.9 91.0

[Otter]

You would've lived a pretty happy life, breeding like bunnies with your nice wife until poor health killed you at age 33 at your home in Washington, D.C. You would have achieved a minor level of fame for some reason, and your youngest daughter would've been a real hottie.

I think we just figured out what killed me.

Well hell, I'd probably be dead by now, I guess the grass isn't always greener.

[Rain Man]

I think we just figured out what killed me.

Well hell, I'd probably be dead by now, I guess the grass isn't always greener.

Yeah, you made a good decision. Living in DC, I'll bet you probably would've been murdered or something.

[milkman]

What if I had decided to bitch slap the know-it-all.

[Rain Man]

What if I had decided to bitch slap the know-it-all.

You would have lived a pretty middle-class, healthy life, moderately happy despite being married to one of the meanest, ugliest women around whose womb was a barren place where no seed could find purchase.

Better than XX% of America
Current
Health 66.5
Wealth 47.0
Happiness 47.7
Zip Code 51312
Job Enjoyment 36.4
Professional Success 46.9
Level of Fame Achieved 0.0
Marital Status Married
Spouse (or Ex) Attractiveness 13.6
Spouse (or Ex) Niceness 9.8
Future
Comfort of Retirement Years 13.4
Number of Marriages 1
Age at Death 86.0
Legacy
Number of Kids 0

[RJ]

What if I'd taken the chance with that miniature golf course?

Thanks, I'll hang up and listen. Love your show, by the way.

[Rain Man]

What if I'd taken the chance with that miniature golf course?

Thanks, I'll hang up and listen. Love your show, by the way.

It appears that you would live comfortably but alone after your very desirable wife left you, and you would probably have a bad case of gout, but would be relatively well-known in your local area due to pulling that child out of the well.

Better than XX% of America
Current
Health 29.7
Wealth 80.1
Happiness 39.1
Zip Code 27774
Job Enjoyment 33.7
Professional Success 46.8
Level of Fame Achieved 12.5
Marital Status Divorced
Spouse (or Ex) Attractiveness 63.7
Spouse (or Ex) Niceness 87.0
Future
Comfort of Retirement Years 80.5
Number of Marriages 2
Age at Death 86.0
Legacy
Number of Kids 1
Child # Gender Niceness Success Relationship With Attractiveness
1 Female 75.1 41.0 54.1 15.1

[stumppy]

What would have happened if my parents didn't have me circumsized right after birth ?

[RJ]

It appears that you would live comfortably but alone after your very desirable wife left you, and you would probably have a bad case of gout, but would be relatively well-known in your local area due to pulling that child out of the well.

Better than XX% of America
Current
Health 29.7
Wealth 80.1
Happiness 39.1
Zip Code 27774
Job Enjoyment 33.7
Professional Success 46.8
Level of Fame Achieved 12.5
Marital Status Divorced
Spouse (or Ex) Attractiveness 63.7
Spouse (or Ex) Niceness 87.0
Future
Comfort of Retirement Years 80.5
Number of Marriages 2
Age at Death 86.0
Legacy
Number of Kids 1
Child # Gender Niceness Success Relationship With Attractiveness
1 Female 75.1 41.0 54.1 15.1




The crazy thing is that I myself was pulled out of a well as a child. I've always hoped to return the favor. I weighed many factors when considering the miniature golf course but that wasn't one of them. Unintended consequences, huh?

[RJ]

Oh, and thanks...still love the show.

[Mr. Flopnuts]

What would've happened if I never found Chiefsplanet?

[CrazyPhuD]

What would have happened if my 8th grade History teacher had chosen to keep the baby when I was 13?

[RJ]

What would've happened if I never found Chiefsplanet?


You really teed that one up for the Alternative Reality Answer Man, didn't you?

[Mr. Flopnuts]

You really teed that one up for the Alternative Reality Answer Man, didn't you?

I do my best. :D I think a fun twist to this thread would be to ask that hypothetical question on behalf of another planet member. I'll start.

What would've happened if I'd raped that bitch in high school? /Claythan

[Bowser]

I often wonder what would have happened with me if I had decided to stay in the Air Force.

[Hammock Parties]

When I was 20, my college newspaper staff took a road trip to an awards convention in Fort Worth. We stayed in a hotel. I had my own room, because the guy I was rooming with left early.

Anyway, there was this girl on the newspaper staff who wasn't bad looking, and she kind of liked me. I could tell, because she would flirt with me a lot. But I wasn't that interested in her because I had the hots for another girl on the staff. Anyway, that didn't stop her.

One night in the hotel I heard a knock my door. It was the girl who always flirted with. She came into the room, asked me how I was doing and then point blank asked me if I had a girlfriend. Being a complete fucking moron, and not realizing that I was ALONE in a HOTEL ROOM and A CHICK WHO WANTED ME at NIGHT, I said "Nope, and don't want one neither!"

Anyway, I always wondered what would have happened if I had done something stupid and impetuous, like telling her "No, are you looking for a boyfriend?" or "Suck me, beautiful."

[cdcox]

What if I'd dumped my girl friend (now wife) and signed up to drive subs for the Navy?

[Bowser]

When I was 20, my college newspaper staff took a road trip to an awards convention in Fort Worth. We stayed in a hotel. I had my own room, because the guy I was rooming with left early.

Anyway, there was this girl on the newspaper staff who wasn't bad looking, and she kind of liked me. I could tell, because she would flirt with me a lot. But I wasn't that interested in her because I had the hots for another girl on the staff. Anyway, that didn't stop her.

One night in the hotel I heard a knock my door. It was the girl who always flirted with. She came into the room, asked me how I was doing and then point blank asked me if I had a girlfriend. Being a complete ****ing moron, and not realizing that I was ALONE in a HOTEL ROOM and A CHICK WHO WANTED ME at NIGHT, I said "Nope, and don't want one neither!"

Anyway, I always wondered what would have happened if I had done something stupid and impetuous, like telling her "No, are you looking for a boyfriend?" or "Suck me, beautiful."

Add "Snugga and me...." and you have an instant Demonpenz post.

[Mr. Flopnuts]

When I was 20, my college newspaper staff took a road trip to an awards convention in Fort Worth. We stayed in a hotel. I had my own room, because the guy I was rooming with left early.

Anyway, there was this girl on the newspaper staff who wasn't bad looking, and she kind of liked me. I could tell, because she would flirt with me a lot. But I wasn't that interested in her because I had the hots for another girl on the staff. Anyway, that didn't stop her.

One night in the hotel I heard a knock my door. It was the girl who always flirted with. She came into the room, asked me how I was doing and then point blank asked me if I had a girlfriend. Being a complete fucking moron, and not realizing that I was ALONE in a HOTEL ROOM and A CHICK WHO WANTED ME at NIGHT, I said "Nope, and don't want one neither!"

Anyway, I always wondered what would have happened if I had done something stupid and impetuous, like telling her "No, are you looking for a boyfriend?" or "Suck me, beautiful."

Holy shit. You fucking pussy.

[Hammock Parties]

Holy shit. You fucking pussy.

At that point it had been less than a year since I had stopped going to Jehovah's Witness meetings. I was still pretty fucked up.

[Mr. Flopnuts]

At that point it had been less than a year since I had stopped going to Jehovah's Witness meetings. I was still pretty fucked up.

I always forget about that. I don't know why. It's the best explanation possible for your current virginity. You really need to get that looked at.............

[Hammock Parties]

I always forget about that. I don't know why. It's the best explanation possible for your current virginity. You really need to get that looked at.............

I'd be interested to see how many other Jehovah's Witness guys remained virgins until their late 20s. My cousin was raised the same way, is a huge nerd, and is really fat, and he's a virgin, too. I don't think he's even been on a date. The poor bastard still goes to meetings, though.

[Mr. Flopnuts]

I'd be interested to see how many other Jehovah's Witness guys remained virgins until their late 20s. My cousin was raised the same way, is a huge nerd, and is really fat, and he's a virgin, too. I don't think he's even been on a date. The poor bastard still goes to meetings, though.

It's really sad. Meandering through life until you meet some Ugloamerican who has been brainwashed just like you. I mean seriously, has there ever been a hot JW in the history of the world? If so, they're one of the 144k for sure.

[Hammock Parties]

It's really sad. Meandering through life until you meet some Ugloamerican who has been brainwashed just like you. I mean seriously, has there ever been a hot JW in the history of the world? If so, they're one of the 144k for sure.

Haha. There are plenty of hot JW's. None of them are putting out, though. Until you put a ring on their finger, anyway. ROFL

[Mr. Flopnuts]

Haha. There are plenty of hot JW's. None of them are putting out, though. Until you put a ring on their finger, anyway. ROFL

I have never, ever, seen one. Are the marriages traditional? Or is there some kind of ritual, sacrificial like ceremony?

[Hammock Parties]

I have never, ever, seen one. Are the marriages traditional? Or is there some kind of ritual, sacrificial like ceremony?

Pretty traditional. And trust me, there were plenty of hot JWs in my congregation. A couple of really smoking ones, actually. There was a real MILF that ended up getting tossed out for messing around on her husband.

[Hammock Parties]

I count two fairly good-looking JW females. Maybe three.

http://www.webshots.com/search?media=photo&query=Jehovah%27s+Witnesses&queryChannel=&sortBy=&source=search_menu

http://img142.imageshack.us/img142/9906/jwsbb4.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

[Mr. Flopnuts]

Pretty traditional. And trust me, there were plenty of hot JWs in my congregation. A couple of really smoking ones, actually. There was a real MILF that ended up getting tossed out for messing around on her husband.

Wow. None of them put out? At all? I know the Morman girls were always down to fuck.

[Hammock Parties]

More hot JWs!

http://img90.imageshack.us/img90/2848/suckyawehtr8.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

[Mr. Flopnuts]

More hot JWs!

http://img90.imageshack.us/img90/2848/suckyawehtr8.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

Okay, I didn't want to bust your balls on the 1st one with all of the ugly JW girls, but I'd bang the shit out of all 3 of those hos.

[Hammock Parties]

Okay, I didn't want to bust your balls on the 1st one with all of the ugly JW girls, but I'd bang the shit out of all 3 of those hos.

Nope, sorry, they don't put out. See the ID tags? GODLY OBEDIENCE.

[Mr. Flopnuts]

Nope, sorry, they don't put out. See the ID tags? GODLY OBEDIENCE.

Wow. God must be orgasmic.

[KcMizzou]

Is this another guido thread?

(yeah, I'd hit 'em too... if given a chance)

[RJ]

JWILF's!!!!!!

[RJ]

BTW, this is one of the more unusual thread hijackings I've witnessed.

[KcMizzou]

JWILF's!!!!!!LMAO

Who'd a thunk it?

[RJ]

I count two fairly good-looking JW females. Maybe three.

http://www.webshots.com/search?media=photo&query=Jehovah%27s+Witnesses&queryChannel=&sortBy=&source=search_menu

http://img142.imageshack.us/img142/9906/jwsbb4.jpg (http://imageshack.us)



I can't find even one in this photo. You done good in the second, though. You sure they're JWILF's?

[Hammock Parties]

The one on the far left and the MILF with the skinny waist.

[RJ]

The one on the far left and the MILF with the skinny waist.


I'd have to pass on that.

But that doesn't mean you should.

[KcMizzou]

I'd have to pass on that.

But that doesn't mean you should.Eh... the on on the far left's alright by me.

[luv]

I often wonder how different my CP experience would be had I never posted the Moooo thread.

[KcMizzou]

I often wonder how different my CP experience would be had I never posted the Moooo thread.Not much. You get some good natured crap about it... but it doesn't exactly "define" you as a poster.

Fact is, you talk about it more than anyone else does these days. :D

[luv]

Not much. You get some good natured crap about it... but it doesn't exactly "define" you as a poster.

Fact is, you talk about it more than anyone else does these days. :D

You don't read my rep messages. Trust me, I still get crap. :)

It's weird, I'm not usually that public of a person. There must be safety behind a keyboard or something.

[Mr. Flopnuts]

You don't read my rep messages. Trust me, I still get crap. :)

It's weird, I'm not usually that public of a person. There must be safety behind a keyboard or something.

Even though your picture is all over the site?

[KcMizzou]

You don't read my rep messages. Trust me, I still get crap. :)

It's weird, I'm not usually that public of a person. There must be safety behind a keyboard or something.I tend to spill my guts here on occasion too. Blame the keyboard, blame the beer... in any case, it can be kinda... theraputic.

[luv]

I tend to spill my guts here on occasion too. Blame the keyboard, blame the beer... in any case, it can be kinda... theraputic.

Exactly.

[luv]

Even though your picture is all over the site?

I just want to make sure no one gets the impression that I'm the perfect woman. Sure, I love football and beer, I can be dirty minded, and I'll talk about nearly anything, but it doesn't come in a hot package.

[teedubya]

Nope, sorry, they don't put out. See the ID tags? GODLY OBEDIENCE.



That girl in the red dress and the one in the black dress would make a fantastic threesome with me.

[teedubya]

OK, what if I had not did the Sprint College Promotional tour, where I went to colleges on the east coast of America and hand out t-shirts and 1-hour free phone cards...

and instead, I would have stayed in KC and kept working at Comedy Sports Improv Comedy?

[cabletech94]

Don't get me wrong here, but Claythan, in that first pic, Seriously, what is with all of those Ginger Kids? It's like some sort of epidemic.
Glad you got out alive!

[Hammock Parties]

Don't get me wrong here, but Claythan, in that first pic, Seriously, what is with all of those Ginger Kids? It's like some sort of epidemic.


Looks like the face of teenage sexual frustration to me!

[Rain Man]

What would have happened if my parents didn't have me circumsized right after birth ?

You would have lived fat and happy to the ripe old age of 78, not lamenting the divorce from your rather mean wife.

Better than XX% of America
Current
Health 28.0
Wealth 61.2
Happiness 79.5
Zip Code 67568
Job Enjoyment 65.7
Professional Success 62.5
Level of Fame Achieved 0.0
Marital Status Divorced
Spouse (or Ex) Attractiveness 44.1
Spouse (or Ex) Niceness 20.5
Future
Comfort of Retirement Years 66.2
Number of Marriages 1
Age at Death 78.0
Legacy
Number of Kids 0

[Rain Man]

What would've happened if I never found Chiefsplanet?

You would have spent your time working out, winning several bodybuilding contests and living well, despite never finding Ms. Right. However, you wouldn't save enough in your halcyon days to fund your retirement properly.


Better than XX% of America
Current
Health 99.4
Wealth 84.0
Happiness 51.7
Zip Code 71076
Job Enjoyment 27.7
Professional Success 45.3
Level of Fame Achieved 0.0
Marital Status Never Married
Spouse (or Ex) Attractiveness N/A
Spouse (or Ex) Niceness N/A
Future
Comfort of Retirement Years 32.8
Number of Marriages 0
Age at Death 91.0
Legacy
Number of Kids 0

[Rain Man]

What would have happened if my 8th grade History teacher had chosen to keep the baby when I was 13?

You and she would have married, and she would have been a great wife, bringing you great happiness and moderate prosperity in a cape cod house with a white picket fence. Your son would have gotten along well with you, even if he was somewhat socially maladjusted.


Better than XX% of America
Current
Health 84.0
Wealth 62.8
Happiness 93.5
Zip Code 23200
Job Enjoyment 50.6
Professional Success 57.6
Level of Fame Achieved 0.0
Marital Status Married
Spouse (or Ex) Attractiveness 64.6
Spouse (or Ex) Niceness 86.5
Future
Comfort of Retirement Years 35.4
Number of Marriages 1
Age at Death 86.0
Legacy
Number of Kids 1
Child # Gender Niceness Success Relationship With Attractiveness
1 Male 20.9 48.2 64.7 40.8

[blueballs]

what would have happened if I didn't throw a fit in the back seat when I was 5 or 6
Dad wouldn't have turned around to scold me and run a stop sign and kill a guy
and got sued for manslaughter and lived in litagation hell hating his son he named after his father

[Rain Man]

I often wonder what would have happened with me if I had decided to stay in the Air Force.

Wonder no more.

You would have loved your career as much as a man could, but your happiness would have been tempered by a couple of failed marriages and health and money problems, despite reasonable professional success. Your air force pension would have given you a comfortable retirement until your death at 93.

Better than XX% of America
Current
Health 24.7
Wealth 24.8
Happiness 41.7
Zip Code 53789
Job Enjoyment 99.7
Professional Success 54.2
Level of Fame Achieved 0.0
Marital Status Divorced
Spouse (or Ex) Attractiveness 13.7
Spouse (or Ex) Niceness 49.6
Future
Comfort of Retirement Years 43.4
Number of Marriages 2
Age at Death 93.0
Legacy
Number of Kids 0

[Rain Man]

When I was 20, my college newspaper staff took a road trip to an awards convention in Fort Worth. We stayed in a hotel. I had my own room, because the guy I was rooming with left early.

Anyway, there was this girl on the newspaper staff who wasn't bad looking, and she kind of liked me. I could tell, because she would flirt with me a lot. But I wasn't that interested in her because I had the hots for another girl on the staff. Anyway, that didn't stop her.

One night in the hotel I heard a knock my door. It was the girl who always flirted with. She came into the room, asked me how I was doing and then point blank asked me if I had a girlfriend. Being a complete ****ing moron, and not realizing that I was ALONE in a HOTEL ROOM and A CHICK WHO WANTED ME at NIGHT, I said "Nope, and don't want one neither!"

Anyway, I always wondered what would have happened if I had done something stupid and impetuous, like telling her "No, are you looking for a boyfriend?" or "Suck me, beautiful."

Had you thrown the young woman onto the bed and started up a soft-core pay-per-view porn movie, your wife would have taken a big turn. You would have married her and she would have been a great wife, bearing you two sons that you got along well with, though the younger one wasn't successful enough to move out and would live in your basement forever.

To support the family, you would take a job that you hated, and you wouldn't be very good at it. You would rise to the middle class during your working years, but you would have always been dissatisfied with your life, and your retirement years would be one step above cat food.

Better than XX% of America
Current
Health 6.0
Wealth 49.8
Happiness 19.7
Zip Code 55265
Job Enjoyment 2.5
Professional Success 16.6
Level of Fame Achieved 0.0
Marital Status Married
Spouse (or Ex) Attractiveness 57.2
Spouse (or Ex) Niceness 89.5
Future
Comfort of Retirement Years 17.5
Number of Marriages 1
Age at Death 90.0
Legacy
Number of Kids 2
Child # Gender Niceness Success Relationship With Attractiveness
1 Male 20.0 62.8 69.0 58.1
2 Male 13.5 28.3 48.8 5.2

[Rain Man]

What if I'd dumped my girl friend (now wife) and signed up to drive subs for the Navy?

You would have ended your career in southern California, marrying an attractive but cold woman who would have borne you a thoroughly average son. You would have been marginally adequate at your next career, which you didn't enjoy, and would have coasted your way to the middle class.

Better than XX% of America
Current
Health 44.7
Wealth 49.6
Happiness 31.2
Zip Code 97606
Job Enjoyment 27.0
Professional Success 42.8
Level of Fame Achieved 0.0
Marital Status Married
Spouse (or Ex) Attractiveness 66.7
Spouse (or Ex) Niceness 26.6
Future
Comfort of Retirement Years 40.6
Number of Marriages 1
Age at Death 84.0
Legacy
Number of Kids 1
Child # Gender Niceness Success Relationship With Attractiveness
1 Male 44.1 53.2 35.3 48.5

[Rain Man]

I often wonder how different my CP experience would be had I never posted the Moooo thread.

If you hadn't posted that thread, you would have been destined to a life of near poverty and moderate unhappiness, married to a horrible, horrible man. You would've kind of liked your job, though, and it would have had a great pension plan.

Better than XX% of America
Current
Health 29.5
Wealth 18.4
Happiness 29.8
Zip Code 58038
Job Enjoyment 52.1
Professional Success 36.3
Level of Fame Achieved 0.0
Marital Status Married
Spouse (or Ex) Attractiveness 10.2
Spouse (or Ex) Niceness 9.8
Future
Comfort of Retirement Years 62.5
Number of Marriages 1
Age at Death 88.0
Legacy
Number of Kids 0

[Rain Man]

OK, what if I had not did the Sprint College Promotional tour, where I went to colleges on the east coast of America and hand out t-shirts and 1-hour free phone cards...

and instead, I would have stayed in KC and kept working at Comedy Sports Improv Comedy?


You would have enjoyed your comedy career and been fairly successful at it, though it would have led you to make a bad choice in marriage that ended in disaster and poverty for you. Fortunately, you wouldn't have lived long enough to retire, so your poverty wouldn't have lasted too long.

Better than XX% of America
Current
Health 60.4
Wealth 29.3
Happiness 68.2
Zip Code 28558
Job Enjoyment 63.3
Professional Success 64.8
Level of Fame Achieved 0.0
Marital Status Divorced
Spouse (or Ex) Attractiveness 15.3
Spouse (or Ex) Niceness 23.8
Future
Comfort of Retirement Years N/A
Number of Marriages 1
Age at Death 63.0
Legacy
Number of Kids 0

[J Diddy]

I often wonder what if I would have been tall.

[Rain Man]

what would have happened if I didn't throw a fit in the back seat when I was 5 or 6
Dad wouldn't have turned around to scold me and run a stop sign and kill a guy
and got sued for manslaughter and lived in litagation hell hating his son he named after his father

If you hadn't made your father turn around, you would have gotten into a career you hated, but it paid pretty well. You would have found a great catch for a wife, and she would have given you a son who was quite a catch himself, but then she would have divorced you for another man. You would've invested well and had a very comfortable retirement, but your bitterness at the divorce would've made you a very bigger and angry person, with alcoholism destroying your health.

Better than XX% of America
Current
Health 10.1
Wealth 64.1
Happiness 4.1
Zip Code 98253
Job Enjoyment 17.5
Professional Success 43.8
Level of Fame Achieved 0.0
Marital Status Divorced
Spouse (or Ex) Attractiveness 74.7
Spouse (or Ex) Niceness 76.7
Future
Comfort of Retirement Years 98.4
Number of Marriages 1
Age at Death 78.0
Legacy
Number of Kids 1
Child # Gender Niceness Success Relationship With Attractiveness
1 Male 75.4 54.6 47.0 75.0

[Rain Man]

I often wonder what if I would have been tall.

A few extra inches would've brought you more attention at work, and reasonable success at a job you enjoyed. You would've found a nice catch of a wife, and would've had the best daughter in the world. Unfortunately, the added height would have caused circulatory problems that damaged your health and cost you a lot of your retirement savings.

Better than XX% of America
Current
Health 15.0
Wealth 65.2
Happiness 53.9
Zip Code 52713
Job Enjoyment 68.0
Professional Success 65.9
Level of Fame Achieved 0.0
Marital Status Married
Spouse (or Ex) Attractiveness 59.0
Spouse (or Ex) Niceness 67.1
Future
Comfort of Retirement Years 20.3
Number of Marriages 1
Age at Death 77.0
Legacy
Number of Kids 1
Child # Gender Niceness Success Relationship With Attractiveness
1 Female 99.7 56.6 82.0 47.4

[J Diddy]

A few extra inches would've brought you more attention at work, and reasonable success at a job you enjoyed. You would've found a nice catch of a wife, and would've had the best daughter in the world. Unfortunately, the added height would have caused circulatory problems that damaged your health and cost you a lot of your retirement savings.

Better than XX% of America
Current
Health 15.0
Wealth 65.2
Happiness 53.9
Zip Code 52713
Job Enjoyment 68.0
Professional Success 65.9
Level of Fame Achieved 0.0
Marital Status Married
Spouse (or Ex) Attractiveness 59.0
Spouse (or Ex) Niceness 67.1
Future
Comfort of Retirement Years 20.3
Number of Marriages 1
Age at Death 77.0
Legacy
Number of Kids 1
Child # Gender Niceness Success Relationship With Attractiveness
1 Female 99.7 56.6 82.0 47.4

well according to this I'd have had 1 less child and be broke when I retired

thank god i'm short

[MagicHef]

What would my life be like if I had gone completely crazy and somehow had become a Chiefs fan?

[KcMizzou]

What would my life be like if I had gone completely crazy and somehow had become a Chiefs fan?Yeah. You got a problem with that?

[MagicHef]

Yeah. You got a problem with that?

I'm asking the man with the random number generator, thank you very much.

[Adept Havelock]

Rain Man, what if I had taken that left turn at Albuquerque?

[Rausch]

Oh, pick one.

Signed up in 95 for the military to be a tank commander.

Didn't knock up a roadwhore.

Stayed single....

[Rain Man]

What would my life be like if I had gone completely crazy and somehow had become a Chiefs fan?


A very attractive blonde would have seen your Priest Holmes jersey and fallen in love with you. However, your inability to support her lifestyle would have led to acrimony and divorce. You would have lost both legs and your left arm coming back from a crushing Chiefs playoff loss, dying young as a result, but you would have inexplicably been very happy with your life, likely as a result of getting to watch the Chiefs every Sunday.

Better than XX% of America
Current
Health 4.2
Wealth 29.8
Happiness 73.1
Zip Code 08693
Job Enjoyment 54.9
Professional Success 49.1
Level of Fame Achieved 0.0
Marital Status Divorced
Spouse (or Ex) Attractiveness 81.3
Spouse (or Ex) Niceness 18.5
Future
Comfort of Retirement Years N/A
Number of Marriages 1
Age at Death 53.0
Legacy
Number of Kids 0

[Rain Man]

Rain Man, what if I had taken that left turn at Albuquerque?

Man, you might not want to hear this.

Had you turned left, you would have pulled into a local Dairy Queen for an impulse chocolate malt. While in line, you would have met a business owner from upstate New York who was looking for a person to do exactly the job you've always dreamed of. You would've hit it off well, and he would've hired you.

Relocating to upstate New York, you would've been invited to a Broadway play down in the city, where during the course of the show you make direct eye contact with the stunningly gorgeous, elegant, and gracious woman who played Brigette Abernathy, the cute girl next door who sings of love and puppies in Act II. She would have slipped you her phone number, and after a whirlwind romance, you would have married on a pristine beach in St. Thomas.

With her nice genes, you would have had two perfect all-American children, a girl and a boy who are solid citizens (after your son finally hangs up his short career as a male model). While you and your spectacular bride would have eventually grown apart as her career took her to Europe more and more, you would have still occasionally had liaisons when she was in New York, dying of a heart attack during a particularly vigorous encounter when you were 51, but with a big smile on your face, happy for a life well lived.

Better than XX% of America
Current
Health 34.5
Wealth 68.7
Happiness 75.9
Zip Code 13117
Job Enjoyment 81.7
Professional Success 68.2
Level of Fame Achieved 0.0
Marital Status Divorced
Spouse (or Ex) Attractiveness 93.1
Spouse (or Ex) Niceness 98.8
Future
Comfort of Retirement Years N/A
Number of Marriages 1
Age at Death 51.0
Legacy
Number of Kids 2
Child # Gender Niceness Success Relationship With Attractiveness
1 Female 67.8 57.2 71.0 59.4
2 Male 90.9 41.8 96.5 95.5

[Rain Man]

Oh, pick one.

Signed up in 95 for the military to be a tank commander.

Didn't knock up a roadwhore.

Stayed single....

Had you become a semi-celibate unattached tank commander a la Sergeant Rock, your life would have taken a different turn.

First off, tank commanding would have been a poor career for you. You would have hated the job (other than how it helps you stay in good physical condition), and your career would have been damaged by an event involving an Abrams tank and a BMW on the Autobahn. However, the incident would have given you a great idea for a passenger protection system in automobiles.

You would have patented the idea and lived a life of nice comfort for the remainder of your days - not flat-out rich but not wanting for anything, either. While working with a marketing firm to sell the Vehicle Tank Avoidance System (VTAS), you would have met and fallen in love with a pleasant young account executive. Your successful marriage would have produced two children, and you and your son would be perfectly like-minded Chiefs fans and friends. You would have lived to the ripe old age of 95.

And yet for some reason, you would never find happiness...



Better than XX% of America
Current
Health 69.6
Wealth 86.7
Happiness 19.5
Zip Code 67548
Job Enjoyment 10.8
Professional Success 37.1
Level of Fame Achieved 0.0
Marital Status Married
Spouse (or Ex) Attractiveness 56.6
Spouse (or Ex) Niceness 66.3
Future
Comfort of Retirement Years 81.9
Number of Marriages 1
Age at Death 95.0
Legacy
Number of Kids 2
Child # Gender Niceness Success Relationship With Attractiveness
1 Male 60.9 48.6 99.0 53.9
2 Female 57.3 51.9 59.1 59.4

[MagicHef]

A very attractive blonde would have seen your Priest Holmes jersey and fallen in love with you. However, your inability to support her lifestyle would have led to acrimony and divorce. You would have lost both legs and your left arm coming back from a crushing Chiefs playoff loss, dying young as a result, but you would have inexplicably been very happy with your life, likely as a result of getting to watch the Chiefs every Sunday.

That's probably just the crazy part. And a 4.2 health? I'm surprised I made it to 53.

[Rain Man]

That's probably just the crazy part. And a 4.2 health? I'm surprised I made it to 53.


Yeah, you might want to see a doctor about that.

[Lin Elliot]

What would have happened if I had made those kicks that cold afternoon?

[RNR]

What would have happened if I would have run off with the carnival to chase my dream as a weight guesser :spock:

[pr_capone]

Rain Man,

I wonder what my life would have been like had I remained a Jehovah's Witness.

(Not a Wendler thing... I was one for the majority of my life as well)

[Rain Man]

What would have happened if I had made those kicks that cold afternoon?

It appears that you would have missed another more important one in the next game, leading to a downward spiral of poverty and poor health. You would rely on your wildly successful daughter to support you.

Better than XX% of America
Current
Health 28.3
Wealth 3.7
Happiness 56.5
Zip Code 40374
Job Enjoyment 20.8
Professional Success 6.8
Level of Fame Achieved 0.0
Marital Status Married
Spouse (or Ex) Attractiveness 16.1
Spouse (or Ex) Niceness 59.1
Future
Comfort of Retirement Years 16.8
Number of Marriages 1
Age at Death 95.0
Legacy
Number of Kids 2
Child # Gender Niceness Success Relationship With Attractiveness
1 Male 98.6 17.6 61.6 16.3
2 Female 49.8 99.0 57.4 47.3

[Lin Elliot]

It appears that you would have missed another more important one in the next game, leading to a downward spiral of poverty and poor health. You would rely on your wildly successful daughter to support you.

Better than XX% of America
Current
Health 28.3
Wealth 3.7
Happiness 56.5
Zip Code 40374
Job Enjoyment 20.8
Professional Success 6.8
Level of Fame Achieved 0.0
Marital Status Married
Spouse (or Ex) Attractiveness 16.1
Spouse (or Ex) Niceness 59.1
Future
Comfort of Retirement Years 16.8
Number of Marriages 1
Age at Death 95.0
Legacy
Number of Kids 2
Child # Gender Niceness Success Relationship With Attractiveness
1 Male 98.6 17.6 61.6 16.3
2 Female 49.8 99.0 57.4 47.3

Maybe but once King Carl is out of the way I'll be back with the Chiefs and I'll show every last one of you c*cksuckers.

[Rain Man]

What would have happened if I would have run off with the carnival to chase my dream as a weight guesser :spock:

You would have been a very good weight guesser, so good in fact that you would gain some national fame guessing the weights of celebrities such as Oprah, Obama, Madonna, and the lead singer of Matchbox 20.

Unfortunately, you would guess Oprah's weight a bit high, and she would sue the living daylights out of you, leaving you homeless and living in a cardboard box in South Carolina. The only things you would save were your carnie pension, your marriage, and your slightly strained relationship with your attractive and nice daughter.

Better than XX% of America
Current
Health 34.0
Wealth 1.5
Happiness 69.1
Zip Code 29802
Job Enjoyment 59.4
Professional Success 76.6
Level of Fame Achieved 19.0
Marital Status Married
Spouse (or Ex) Attractiveness 22.9
Spouse (or Ex) Niceness 42.4
Future
Comfort of Retirement Years 55.2
Number of Marriages 1
Age at Death 91.0
Legacy
Number of Kids 1
Child # Gender Niceness Success Relationship With Attractiveness
1 Female 54.2 41.0 35.3 77.6

[PinkFloyd]

I had 3 full ride scholarships to play baseball in college... Tore my knee up playing summer ball right before I was too choose... Really pissed me off also...

Fastball back then was clocked about 92mph which wasn't bad for a small town kid from nowhere...

I think about it everyday of my life... :(

[RNR]

You would have been a very good weight guesser, so good in fact that you would gain some national fame guessing the weights of celebrities such as Oprah, Obama, Madonna, and the lead singer of Matchbox 20.

Unfortunately, you would guess Oprah's weight a bit high, and she would sue the living daylights out of you, leaving you homeless and living in a cardboard box in South Carolina. The only things you would save were your carnie pension, your marriage, and your slightly strained relationship with your attractive and nice daughter.

Better than XX% of America
Current
Health 34.0
Wealth 1.5
Happiness 69.1
Zip Code 29802
Job Enjoyment 59.4
Professional Success 76.6
Level of Fame Achieved 19.0
Marital Status Married
Spouse (or Ex) Attractiveness 22.9
Spouse (or Ex) Niceness 42.4
Future
Comfort of Retirement Years 55.2
Number of Marriages 1
Age at Death 91.0
Legacy
Number of Kids 1
Child # Gender Niceness Success Relationship With Attractiveness
1 Female 54.2 41.0 35.3 77.6
Man now I really hate Oprah :grr:

[Rain Man]

Rain Man,

I wonder what my life would have been like had I remained a Jehovah's Witness.

(Not a Wendler thing... I was one for the majority of my life as well)


While your spiritual questioning would nag at your happiness, you would present an outward appearance of great success. Via your JW connections, you would have been offered a job you really enjoyed, and you would have been very good at it. Your financial rewards would have been nice, and you would have had a solid marriage with an attractive if bland JW girl. Your children would be the pride of the JW church, both overachievers but particularly your beautiful surgeon daughter. Your only worry would be that you didn't save enough for retirement, but fortunately you would drop of a stroke at 66, negating that worry.



Better than XX% of America
Current
Health 49.1
Wealth 85.9
Happiness 42.8
Zip Code 55918
Job Enjoyment 80.1
Professional Success 83.7
Level of Fame Achieved 0.0
Marital Status Married
Spouse (or Ex) Attractiveness 84.9
Spouse (or Ex) Niceness 48.4
Future
Comfort of Retirement Years 31.7
Number of Marriages 1
Age at Death 66.0
Legacy
Number of Kids 2
Child # Gender Niceness Success Relationship With Attractiveness
1 Male 79.6 77.7 88.0 70.2
2 Female 82.1 93.2 63.5 88.6

[Rain Man]

I had 3 full ride scholarships to play baseball in college... Tore my knee up playing summer ball right before I was too choose... Really pissed me off also...

Fastball back then was clocked about 92mph which wasn't bad for a small town kid from nowhere...

I think about it everyday of my life... :(

Your knee was destined to go anyway, because you wouldn't have achieved any level of fame. However, you would have been a star in the rec leagues, and that would have distracted you from your mediocre and low-paying job in Sioux Falls, South Dakota.

While the wife you met in rehab would have been a pain in the neck, she would've been good-looking and liked to engage in "physical therapy", making the marriage last and producing five daughters. The oldest daughter was a looker and a nice girl, but your finances would've suffered continual hits from frequently bailing her out for drug and prostitution busts. The other four daughters would have all been solid and successful citizens, even if the two youngest weren't that crazy about you because you favored the older daughters.


Better than XX% of America
Current
Health 77.4
Wealth 35.5
Happiness 53.0
Zip Code 57188
Job Enjoyment 45.9
Professional Success 43.0
Level of Fame Achieved 0.0
Marital Status Married
Spouse (or Ex) Attractiveness 79.8
Spouse (or Ex) Niceness 26.8
Future
Comfort of Retirement Years 23.8
Number of Marriages 1
Age at Death 94.0
Legacy
Number of Kids 5
Child # Gender Niceness Success Relationship With Attractiveness
1 Female 80.1 13.6 98.5 70.9
2 Female 73.9 77.4 81.9 57.2
3 Female 55.5 77.9 73.3 56.6
4 Female 90.1 66.4 35.7 45.4
5 Female 87.8 79.4 16.7 45.2

[Rain Man]

Man now I really hate Oprah :grr:


Yeah, she pretty much would have ruined your life.

[RNR]

Your knee was destined to go anyway, because you wouldn't have achieved any level of fame. However, you would have been a star in the rec leagues, and that would have distracted you from your mediocre and low-paying job in Sioux Falls, South Dakota.

While the wife you met in rehab would have been a pain in the neck, she would've been good-looking and liked to engage in "physical therapy", making the marriage last and producing five daughters. The oldest daughter was a looker and a nice girl, but your finances would've suffered continual hits from frequently bailing her out for drug and prostitution busts. The other four daughters would have all been solid and successful citizens, even if the two youngest weren't that crazy about you because you favored the older daughters.


Better than XX% of America
Current
Health 77.4
Wealth 35.5
Happiness 53.0
Zip Code 57188
Job Enjoyment 45.9
Professional Success 43.0
Level of Fame Achieved 0.0
Marital Status Married
Spouse (or Ex) Attractiveness 79.8
Spouse (or Ex) Niceness 26.8
Future
Comfort of Retirement Years 23.8
Number of Marriages 1
Age at Death 94.0
Legacy
Number of Kids 5
Child # Gender Niceness Success Relationship With Attractiveness
1 Female 80.1 13.6 98.5 70.9
2 Female 73.9 77.4 81.9 57.2
3 Female 55.5 77.9 73.3 56.6
4 Female 90.1 66.4 35.7 45.4
5 Female 87.8 79.4 16.7 45.2
Wow I feel much better about ending up homeless! That said I still hate Oprah!

[PinkFloyd]

Your knee was destined to go anyway, because you wouldn't have achieved any level of fame. However, you would have been a star in the rec leagues, and that would have distracted you from your mediocre and low-paying job in Sioux Falls, South Dakota.

While the wife you met in rehab would have been a pain in the neck, she would've been good-looking and liked to engage in "physical therapy", making the marriage last and producing five daughters. The oldest daughter was a looker and a nice girl, but your finances would've suffered continual hits from frequently bailing her out for drug and prostitution busts. The other four daughters would have all been solid and successful citizens, even if the two youngest weren't that crazy about you because you favored the older daughters.


Better than XX% of America
Current
Health 77.4
Wealth 35.5
Happiness 53.0
Zip Code 57188
Job Enjoyment 45.9
Professional Success 43.0
Level of Fame Achieved 0.0
Marital Status Married
Spouse (or Ex) Attractiveness 79.8
Spouse (or Ex) Niceness 26.8
Future
Comfort of Retirement Years 23.8
Number of Marriages 1
Age at Death 94.0
Legacy
Number of Kids 5
Child # Gender Niceness Success Relationship With Attractiveness
1 Female 80.1 13.6 98.5 70.9
2 Female 73.9 77.4 81.9 57.2
3 Female 55.5 77.9 73.3 56.6
4 Female 90.1 66.4 35.7 45.4
5 Female 87.8 79.4 16.7 45.2


Wow !!! I feel much better about my life right now !!!

[AustinChief]

OK, so where would I be if I stayed at U-M?

[Rain Man]

OK, so where would I be if I stayed at U-M?

While handling tech services for the Miss Missouri pageant, you would become acquainted and fall in love with Miss Congeniality, and you would follow her to home to West Virginia. You would take the only job available, laboring as a low-level coal miner where you would live a middle-class life and have a comfortable retirement since most coal miners in your sector don't survive to retirement.

Better than XX% of America
Current
Health 49.0
Wealth 48.8
Happiness 20.2
Zip Code 26498
Job Enjoyment 14.8
Professional Success 8.5
Level of Fame Achieved 0.0
Marital Status Married
Spouse (or Ex) Attractiveness 93.0
Spouse (or Ex) Niceness 69.4
Future
Comfort of Retirement Years 84.1
Number of Marriages 1
Age at Death 89.0
Legacy
Number of Kids 0

[JOhn]

Hmm, lets see had I stayed living in KC and working as a paramedic back in the mid 90's?

[whoman69]

How about if I chose a different major than English?

[Rain Man]

Hmm, lets see had I stayed living in KC and working as a paramedic back in the mid 90's?

Hmm, let's see. Magic 8-Ball says that you would've enjoyed your paramedic career despite its low wages, and after a short failed marriage to a Korean stripper, you would've met a woman who, while not very attractive, would've treated you like a king, possibly because you saved her life when she choked on an onion ring at Burger King. Moving to western Colorado to enjoy small-town life, you would've had a couple of daughters who were solid citizens, and would have been very happy with your life, despite your low income and a few minor health problems. Then, to your great surprise, your wife's Uncle Ted would've left you a couple of million dollars that would've made your 27 years of retirement quite affluent.


Better than XX% of America
Current
Health 41.5
Wealth 23.7
Happiness 86.3
Zip Code 81397
Job Enjoyment 73.0
Professional Success 43.2
Level of Fame Achieved 0.0
Marital Status Married
Spouse (or Ex) Attractiveness 37.8
Spouse (or Ex) Niceness 70.7
Future
Comfort of Retirement Years 92.6
Number of Marriages 2
Age at Death 92.0
Legacy
Number of Kids 2
Child # Gender Niceness Success Relationship With Attractiveness
1 Female 45.9 46.4 59.1 25.6
2 Female 72.7 54.3 43.0 49.4

[Rain Man]

How about if I chose a different major than English?

Your accounting degree would've led you to a moderately interesting job at a mid-sized accounting firm in Macon, Georgia, but to be honest you would've been a lousy accountant. You would've coasted along, finding a good catch for a wife, but she would've left you after you were passed over for promotion for the 20th time. You would've died alone and bored at age 59, a life wasted by not pursuing your true interest.

Better than XX% of America
Current
Health 40.5
Wealth 40.3
Happiness 47.0
Zip Code 31177
Job Enjoyment 51.5
Professional Success 7.9
Level of Fame Achieved 0.0
Marital Status Divorced
Spouse (or Ex) Attractiveness 59.5
Spouse (or Ex) Niceness 67.7
Future
Comfort of Retirement Years N/A
Number of Marriages 1
Age at Death 59.0
Legacy
Number of Kids 0

[boogblaster]

Truthfully I could have taken about 10 different paths ... Married into money .. Worked for the Mafia .. Went up the ladder in about 5 businesses .. Started my own business .. But didn't do any of the above, worked when and what I wanted .. Other than breaking down physically I'd done nothing different .. Have my home paid for and couple autos plus grandchildren to spoil ... Guess I'm stuck with the hand I dealt myself ......

[whoman69]

Your accounting degree would've led you to a moderately interesting job at a mid-sized accounting firm in Macon, Georgia, but to be honest you would've been a lousy accountant. You would've coasted along, finding a good catch for a wife, but she would've left you after you were passed over for promotion for the 20th time. You would've died alone and bored at age 59, a life wasted by not pursuing your true interest.

Better than XX% of America
Current
Health 40.5
Wealth 40.3
Happiness 47.0
Zip Code 31177
Job Enjoyment 51.5
Professional Success 7.9
Level of Fame Achieved 0.0
Marital Status Divorced
Spouse (or Ex) Attractiveness 59.5
Spouse (or Ex) Niceness 67.7
Future
Comfort of Retirement Years N/A
Number of Marriages 1
Age at Death 59.0
Legacy
Number of Kids 0

It's like you read my soul. Ok except the Macon, Georgia part.

You...are...a...wizard.