Secret Vatican Archives

[Rain Man]

I'm putting this in the main thread just because I think it's more cultural than religious.

The article below quotes a woman who works at the "Secret Vatican Archives".

Wow.

You know they have to have some cool stuff in the Vatican Secret Archives. It's not even like the "S" in Secret is lower case. The name of the place is apparently "Vatican Secret Archives".

Here's the web site of the "Vatican Secret Archives", which is appropriately mysterious. http://www.vatican.va/library_archives/vat_secret_archives/index.htm

You have to figure that there are some things that are so secret that they're not recognized in the "Vatican Secret Archives", and they're really in the "Secret Vatican Secret Archives", which doesn't have a web site and is guarded by Swiss or monks or something.



http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,512703,00.html

Knights Templar Hid the Shroud of Turin, Vatican Says
Monday, April 06, 2009


Print ShareThisMedieval knights hid and secretly venerated The Holy Shroud of Turin for more than 100 years after the Crusades, the Vatican said Sunday in an announcement that appeared to solve the mystery of the relic’s missing years.

The Knights Templar, an order which was suppressed and disbanded for alleged heresy, took care of the linen cloth, which bears the image of a man with a beard, long hair and the wounds of crucifixion, according to Vatican researchers.

The Shroud, which is kept in the royal chapel of Turin Cathedral, has long been revered as the shroud in which Jesus was buried, although the image only appeared clearly in 1898 when a photographer developed a negative.

Barbara Frale, a researcher in the Vatican Secret Archives, said the Shroud had disappeared in the sack of Constantinople in 1204 during the Fourth Crusade, and did not surface again until the middle of the fourteenth century.

Writing in L'Osservatore Romano, the Vatican newspaper, Frale said its fate in those years had always puzzled historians.

However her study of the trial of the Knights Templar had brought to light a document in which Arnaut Sabbatier, a young Frenchman who entered the order in 1287, testified that as part of his initiation he was taken to “a secret place to which only the brothers of the Temple had access."

There he was shown “a long linen cloth on which was impressed the figure of a man” and instructed to venerate the image by kissing its feet three times.

[Katipan]

I really don't think I could venerate by kissing feet. I'd have a scrunched up face and an attitude.

[keg in kc]

Wait, if they admit there's an archive, then how secret is it, really?

[Rain Man]

Wait, if they admit there's an archive, then how secret is it, really?

That does appear to be a significant security oversight.

[Fat Elvis]

Wait, if they admit there's an archive, then how secret is it, really?

http://downlode.org/Creative/Writing/Notebook/Illustrations/itsatrap.jpg

[Buehler445]

That does appear to be a significant security oversight.

Ineffective contol structure [/auditor]
Posted via Mobile Device

[Dartgod]

I thought the title said "vacation" archives.

[keg in kc]

I thought the title said "vacation" archives.You'll have to look elsewhere for "rain man in a speedo" pics, my friend.

[KC Dan]

I thought the title said "vacation" archives.
6 days... You are in the right frame of mind though!

[Rain Man]

You'll have to look elsewhere for "rain man in a speedo" pics, my friend.


I just pm'ed him my web site.

[Frazod]

The most interesting part of Dan Brown's Angels & Demons (which overall was about as stupid as the National Treasure movies) was the descriptions of the stuff under the Vatican and the archives. I wonder how much of that was true? When I was in St. Peter's, I remember seeing the steps going down to the tomb; I just figured the body was right there. Apparently not.

[Dartgod]

I just pm'ed him my web site.
thanks, but I might as well share with everyone.

www.gougemyeyesoutwithaspoon.com

[Hammock Parties]

The fourth Indiana Jones movie should have had something to do with the Vatican Archives. They missed the boat. They could have turned a bunch of high-ranking Catholics into Nazis in hiding, too.

[Baby Lee]

http://downlode.org/Creative/Writing/Notebook/Illustrations/itsatrap.jpg

http://www.poptower.com/images/db/2182/450/500/the-big-bang-theory.jpg

[KC-TBB]

wait, didn't Tom Hanks star in a movie...

[***SPRAYER]

Discovery Channel 8 PM Sunday April 12, check it out...

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/religion/5137163/Turin-Shroud-could-be-genuine-as-carbon-dating-was-flawed.html

[Hammock Parties]

Where is my movie?

http://www.vorchester.com/vnews/images/secret-societies-aliens.jpg

[Sweet Daddy Hate]

The church just never gets tired of blaming the Templars. That was utterly ridiculous.

[Skip Towne]

thanks, but I might as well share with everyone.

www.gougemyeyesoutwithaspork.com


Fixed

[KC Jones]

I just searched their secret archives website for aliens, reincarnation, and illuminati. It came up with nothing :harumph:

On the third search I was however informed that my IP address had been logged by the Spanish Inquisition.

http://www.austriansoccerboard.at/uploads/av-4208.jpg

[CrazyPhuD]

Is the secret archieves where they keep the tablets that contain the 11th commandment?

"thou shalt permit holy servants to molest they offspring."

[Pioli Zombie]

On Easter Sunday evil Disney will be showing Halloween movies all day. Just in case anyone missed that they work for Satan.
Posted via Mobile Device

[Sweet Daddy Hate]

On Easter Sunday evil Disney will be showing Halloween movies all day. Just in case anyone missed that they work for Satan.
Posted via Mobile Device

The Lord Our God Curry will not be pleased...

[Pioli Zombie]

The Lord Our God Curry will not be pleased...

Do not be deceived by false prophets. Like wolves in sheeps clothing they will pretend to be He. But only Sanchez is the Christ. Only a quarterback can be the gatekeeper.
Posted via Mobile Device

[Sweet Daddy Hate]

Do not be deceived by false prophets. Like wolves in sheeps clothing they will pretend to be He. But only Sanchez is the Christ. Only a quarterback can be the gatekeeper.
Posted via Mobile Device

ROFL

[AustinChief]

Just to clear this up... secretus is a form of secernere in Latin... which really means SEPERATE.

So they are "secret" archives in that they are seperate from the main archives... there is also a connotation to the word (at the time) that implies something held privately by a royal figure.

There is a good explanation here ...

http://asv.vatican.va/en/arch/secret.htm

[Pioli Zombie]

Oooooooooo. The vatican conspiracy theories. Perfect for the internet. Stock up on cheetos.
Posted via Mobile Device

[Sweet Daddy Hate]

Just to clear this up... secretus is a form of secernere in Latin... which really means SEPERATE.

So they are "secret" archives in that they are seperate from the main archives... there is also a connotation to the word (at the time) that implies something held privately by a royal figure.

There is a good explanation here ...

http://asv.vatican.va/en/arch/secret.htm

Boy I'd sure love to remote view that joint.

[Pioli Zombie]

There are a lot of Michael Corleones in the church.
Posted via Mobile Device

[JuicesFlowing]

Whatever they have, sell it all on E-Bay.

Sincerely, American Culture.

[CrazyPhuD]

Do not be deceived by false prophets. Like wolves in sheeps clothing they will pretend to be He. But only Sanchez is the Christ. Only a quarterback can be the gatekeeper.
Posted via Mobile Device

Bah Sanchez may be the gatekeeper but Curry is the keymaster.

However in the end they're both still dogs.

[Baby Lee]

http://kotaku.com/assets/images/kotaku/2008/06/moranis.jpg

I don't blame them, 'cause one time I turned into a dog and they helped me. Thank you.

[Hydrae]

I just mentioned to my wife the other day that as cool as it would be to be allowed into the backrooms at the Smithsonian it would pale compared to being given free reign in the basements of the Vatican. Someone would have to come feed me, I doubt I would remember to eat without a reminder in that kind of situation.

[Hammock Parties]

I just mentioned to my wife the other day that as cool as it would be to be allowed into the backrooms at the Smithsonian it would pale compared to being given free reign in the basements of the Vatican. Someone would have to come feed me, I doubt I would remember to eat without a reminder in that kind of situation.

I'm sure there are some wafers and wine down there.

Maybe even a clone of Jesus. If you're into canniblasphemy.

[Sweet Daddy Hate]

I'm sure there are some wafers and wine down there.

Maybe even a clone of Jesus. If you're into canniblasphemy.

:eek:ROFL

[Rain Man]

I'm sure there are some wafers and wine down there.

Maybe even a clone of Jesus. If you're into canniblasphemy.

A clone? I'll bet they've got him down in some dungeon. Recall that the last known evidence is that he was alive, and then went missing. I bet he threatened to go public with some huge story like how God is a caribou.

[CrazyPhuD]

A clone? I'll bet they've got him down in some dungeon. Recall that the last known evidence is that he was alive, and then went missing. I bet he threatened to go public with some huge story like how God is a caribou.

Ever seen Aliens? Jesus is like the queen in aliens, except instead of laying eggs full of face huggers, he craps fully formed popes and bishops.

[Hammock Parties]

A clone? I'll bet they've got him down in some dungeon. Recall that the last known evidence is that he was alive, and then went missing. I bet he threatened to go public with some huge story like how God is a caribou.

This is pretty good...but was earthly Jesus immortal? Would he have gone on living if the Romans hadn't stabbed him in the gut?

Ever seen Aliens? Jesus is like the queen in aliens, except instead of laying eggs full of face huggers, he craps fully formed popes and bishops.

Basically I need to go in there with a Satanic pulse rifle and an Unhallowed flame thrower.

[Rain Man]

It appears that he aged, but if you can't permanently kill him, then he must be immortal. And that means he's alive somewhere. At the age of 2,000 I bet he looks like Yoda now, though.

The more I think about it, he has to be down in a Vatican dungeon somewhere. We should put together a raid to go rescue him.

[Hammock Parties]

It appears that he aged, but if you can't permanently kill him, then he must be immortal. And that means he's alive somewhere. At the age of 2,000 I bet he looks like Yoda now, though.

The more I think about it, he has to be down in a Vatican dungeon somewhere. We should put together a raid to go rescue him.

Well...if I was really ambitious...and a police Chief in Italy....I'd pay a bunch of corrupt policemen to don SWAT gear and raid the Vatican...but I'm not even sure if Italian policemen have guns, or SWAT gear. I know all the coppers in Britain only had nightsticks when I lived there. So maybe I'd have to be a dictator in some little third-world country close to Italy. They have guns, and are bored, and would like to do something newsworthy.

[teedubya]

The fourth Indiana Jones movie should have had something to do with the Vatican Archives. They missed the boat. They could have turned a bunch of high-ranking Catholics into Nazis in hiding, too.

I had a 2/3 screenplay written on the Vaults of the Vatican... centered around December 21st, 2012, that a friend and I wrote about 5 years ago.


This Atlantean Orb, gets confiscated by Nazi Germany while at a raid of a Jewish neighborhood, and the Orb is a time travel device and this boys, who turns into the hero, his parents get sucked into the orb and frozen in time... the Nazi's take the Orb... the boy becomes an orphan...

The boy grows up to be Indiana Joneish... and him and his brother seek to find the Atlantean Orb, that they get wind is in the Vaults of the Vatican...

So, they kill the pope, create this huge ta-do and get in the vaults, steal the orb, but also find these 7 "light scrolls" which coordinate with the seven wonders of the world....

so they have to go back to each original location of the 7 wonders... and pick up a crystal from each location... once each of the 7 crystals are connected, the atlantean orb splits open, but so does a crack between heaven and hell... and angel and demons cruise out and armaggedon breaks out.

The new pope is an evil man... and shit hits the fan... Well, the main character, the Indiana Jonesish guy and his mom and dad, have to help solve the problem... and the dad brings back something from the Atlantis times that saves the universe...

It was pretty far out and fun to write... never completed it, for one reason or the other... but the Vaults of the Vatican have always interested me.

[Hammock Parties]

I'd see that movie. It would be like National Treasure on steroids.

[Rain Man]

Well...if I was really ambitious...and a police Chief in Italy....I'd pay a bunch of corrupt policemen to don SWAT gear and raid the Vatican...but I'm not even sure if Italian policemen have guns, or SWAT gear. I know all the coppers in Britain only had nightsticks when I lived there. So maybe I'd have to be a dictator in some little third-world country close to Italy. They have guns, and are bored, and would like to do something newsworthy.


Do the Swiss guards have guns, or do they still use pikes? You could have a bunch of bobbies with night sticks charge the Swiss with their pikes and possibly succeed.

And I bet Spielberg is reading Ari's post right now and taking notes. We'll see this movie in a couple of years.

[Sweet Daddy Hate]

Do the Swiss guards have guns, or do they still use pikes? You could have a bunch of bobbies with night sticks charge the Swiss with their pikes and possibly succeed.

And I bet Spielberg is reading Ari's post right now and taking notes. We'll see this movie in a couple of years.

They use Force Pikes, like the Emperors Royal Guard.

[Hammock Parties]

Do the Swiss guards have guns, or do they still use pikes? You could have a bunch of bobbies with night sticks charge the Swiss with their pikes and possibly succeed.

And I bet Spielberg is reading Ari's post right now and taking notes. We'll see this movie in a couple of years.

I'm guessing someone, somewhere in the Vatican is heavily armed.

The Vatican probably has ninjas, too.

Basically why this shit isn't already in a video game, let alone a movie, is beyond me.

[KcMizzou]

I had a 2/3 screenplay written on the Vaults of the Vatican... centered around December 21st, 2012, that a friend and I wrote about 5 years ago.


This Atlantean Orb, gets confiscated by Nazi Germany while at a raid of a Jewish neighborhood, and the Orb is a time travel device and this boys, who turns into the hero, his parents get sucked into the orb and frozen in time... the Nazi's take the Orb... the boy becomes an orphan...

The boy grows up to be Indiana Joneish... and him and his brother seek to find the Atlantean Orb, that they get wind is in the Vaults of the Vatican...

So, they kill the pope, create this huge ta-do and get in the vaults, steal the orb, but also find these 7 "light scrolls" which coordinate with the seven wonders of the world....

so they have to go back to each original location of the 7 wonders... and pick up a crystal from each location... once each of the 7 crystals are connected, the atlantean orb splits open, but so does a crack between heaven and hell... and angel and demons cruise out and armaggedon breaks out.

The new pope is an evil man... and shit hits the fan... Well, the main character, the Indiana Jonesish guy and his mom and dad, have to help solve the problem... and the dad brings back something from the Atlantis times that saves the universe...

It was pretty far out and fun to write... never completed it, for one reason or the other... but the Vaults of the Vatican have always interested me.Only one man could star in such a film...

[Hammock Parties]

I'd rather see Kurt Russel in such a film. Or perhaps Mel Gibson.

[KcMizzou]

I'd rather see Kurt Russel in such a film. Or perhaps Mel Gibson..

[Hammock Parties]

Really, if they really want to blow our minds, make another Indiana Jones movie. It's set during World War II. They referenced Indy's work as a spy during WWII in Crystal Skull. So the story goes, the US Military sends Indy off to war, and he's a spy.

His first mission is in Italy. The Nazis are entrenched. It's Indy's job to execute reconnaissance on German military leadership. He has a sniper sidekick named Dimitri, a young Russian soldier with a romantic spirit and a crack shot. Dimitri also has a drinking problem, which will come into play.

Indy and Dimitri are tailing visiting Nazi leadership one night, at a hotel in Italy. Indy is posing as a concierge, Dimitri is a waiter. Suddenly, the bloody Pope shows up at this hotel. John Williams will have chorus members sing during this part.

Indy overhears a conversation, something about God, spiritual weapons, Hitler, the occult, all that good stuff. The Nazis threaten the Pope. John Williams will que up some ominous oboes during this part. The Nazis leave the hotel with the Pope, Indy says something dramatic and goes out the back.

Indy trails the Pope/Nazi caravan and John Williams strikes up some dramatic french horns as DUN DUN DUN, our destination is the Vatican. Indy says, under his breath "They're going to the Vatican!" Zoom in on Pope in the back of his car as the chorus members sing loudly.

Watching from the darkness in a parked car, Indy and Dimitri watch the Pope and the Nazis exit and enter the Vatican. In a firm, yet concerned voice, Indy tells Dimitri to stay here and wait for him to return, "and keep a stopper in that Italian moonshine. And a finger on that trigger." John Williams busts out the Indiana Jones theme as Indy traipses from the dark alley across the street, busts out his whip and scales one of the Vatican walls.

Indy gets inside the Vatican and starts sneaking around, watching the Nazis and the Pope. He follows them all the way down to the basement and there's serious shit down there. Holy relics. Tesla coils. Mutants in cages.

And something really, really epic that I can't think of right now. Only Spielberg and Lucas can think of this. It'll be partially constructed, a bunch of guys working on it, priests standing around it reading books and arguing. When we first see it (it won't be in trailers) we'll be like HOLY SHIT THIS IS AWESOME and John Williams' chorus members will bust out their deep voices. Zoom in on the Nazi leader, who cracks an evil smile. The Pope looks worried.

Eventually Indy will steal a key part of the epic thing. There will be an awesome chase scene as Indy races through the Vatican basement, dodging bullets, Nazis, secret technology, mutants, swinging on huge holy crosses and statues of Jesus with his whip. There will be a slightly amusing part where he swings from one of these Jesus statues, and the chorus members sing. John Williams is awesome.

Indy will whip the pike out of a Swiss guard's hands and race for the Vatican exit. He'll fire off a flare to let Dimitri know he's coming. Cut to Dimitri, who is drunk off his ass. Indy gets in a Nazi truck filled with explosives and lights them all, puts a brick on the pedal and sends it hurtling toward the gate, but not before he ties a rope to the undercarriage and attaches his whip to the rope. The giant truck of boom is dragging Indy toward the gate in a reprise of the scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark. It's a really long rope, so Indy is safe.

The truck reaches the gate and explodes, and the stoppage of momentum, plus a little whip work from Indy, sends him flying off to the side, just as an RPG explodes from pursuing Nazis. The gate comes crashing down (there is a gate at the Vatican right? If not disregard this scene and come up with something in rewrites) and Indy scrambles as bullets fly. Nazis on bikes race toward him.

Cut back to Dimitri who is still drunk as hell. Indy yells "Dim! START THE ENGINE AND BREAK OUT THAT SNIPER RIFLE! WE GOT COMPANY!" Indy dives behind vegetable crates from nearby restaurants (I assume there are restaurants outside the Vatican) as the bullets fly. Dimitri, in a drunken haze looks up and sees the commotion. He's soooo drunk.

In an awesome, drunk sniping revelry, with John Williams playing Russian-sounding music, maybe a march, Dimitri takes out tons of Nazis. One bullet goes right by Indy's ear in a slow motion shot contributed by George Lucas. The bullet sends his hat flying off. Indy dives into the truck and shouts "GO! GO! GO!"

They're driving off into the night, in the other direction, and Indy leans out the truck and grabs hit hat off the cobblestone (I assume the road outside the Vatican is cobblestone). John Williams plays the Indy theme. The Nazis are gone for now. Indy looks up and sniffs, wrinkling his nose. "You were drunk? YOU WERE DRUNK? I BREAK INTO THE VATICAN, GET SHOT AT BY GOOSE-STEPPING MORONS, AND YOU WERE SITTING THERE GETTING BLITZED? This is worse than that chinese sidekick I used to have."

Indy takes the wheel and fixes his hat. Suddenly, an explosion rocks the street. The Nazis have busted out an experimental jet fighter and it's making strafing runs. John Williams busts out the Nazi theme from Last Crusade, only this time it's a full movement, like three minutes long. There's an epic chase scene to the Italian coastline (the Vatican isn't THAT far from the coast, is it?).

Indy's truck is reduced to tatters by the time they reach a dock. There's a British Submarine submarine off the coast, waiting. The jet fighter comes around for another pass and Indy takes it out somehow, in really dramatic fashion. Spielberg will come up with that.

Indy and Dimitri get to the sub under the cover of darkness and Indy's about to hand over some photographs (he was snapping photos of the Vatican basement and the Nazis earlier) and the piece he jacked, but then he realizes it's gone. It fell out of his bag on the way out of the Vatican. The Nazis have it. We cut to the Vatican basement and they're powering up their superweapon.

Indy has to go BACK to Italy and stop the Nazis in the finale before they unleash their unholy Vatican superweapon on the world. He'll get captured but Dimitri, who was told to go home but tailed Indy anyway, will free him in a courageous act of sniping. He'll sacrifice himself to save Indy, resulting in a tearful goodbye. Indy will turn the superweapon on the Nazis at the last second, blowing them all up. The starship enterprise beams Indy up at the last second, saving his bacon.

John Williams will play the NEW Indy theme, a combination of his old theme and Jerry Goldsmith's Star Trek theme. Roll credits.

[Simply Red]

Really, if they really want to blow our minds, make another Indiana Jones movie. It's set during World War II. They referenced Indy's work as a spy during WWII in Crystal Skull. So the story goes, the US Military sends Indy off to war, and he's a spy.

His first mission is in Italy. The Nazis are entrenched. It's Indy's job to execute reconnaissance on German military leadership. He has a sniper sidekick named Dimitri, a young Russian soldier with a romantic spirit and a crack shot. Dimitri also has a drinking problem, which will come into play.

Indy and Dimitri are tailing visiting Nazi leadership one night, at a hotel in Italy. Indy is posing as a concierge, Dimitri is a waiter. Suddenly, the bloody Pope shows up at this hotel. John Williams will have chorus members sing during this part.

Indy overhears a conversation, something about God, spiritual weapons, Hitler, the occult, all that good stuff. The Nazis threaten the Pope. John Williams will que up some ominous oboes during this part. The Nazis leave the hotel with the Pope, Indy says something dramatic and goes out the back.

Indy trails the Pope/Nazi caravan and John Williams strikes up some dramatic french horns as DUN DUN DUN, our destination is the Vatican. Indy says, under his breath "They're going to the Vatican!" Zoom in on Pope in the back of his car as the chorus members sing loudly.

Watching from the darkness in a parked car, Indy and Dimitri watch the Pope and the Nazis exit and enter the Vatican. In a firm, yet concerned voice, Indy tells Dimitri to stay here and wait for him to return, "and keep a stopper in that Italian moonshine. And a finger on that trigger." John Williams busts out the Indiana Jones theme as Indy traipses from the dark alley across the street, busts out his whip and scales one of the Vatican walls.

Indy gets inside the Vatican and starts sneaking around, watching the Nazis and the Pope. He follows them all the way down to the basement and there's serious shit down there. Holy relics. Tesla coils. Mutants in cages.

And something really, really epic that I can't think of right now. Only Spielberg and Lucas can think of this. It'll be partially constructed, a bunch of guys working on it, priests standing around it reading books and arguing. When we first see it (it won't be in trailers) we'll be like HOLY SHIT THIS IS AWESOME and John Williams' chorus members will bust out their deep voices. Zoom in on the Nazi leader, who cracks an evil smile. The Pope looks worried.

Eventually Indy will steal a key part of the epic thing. There will be an awesome chase scene as Indy races through the Vatican basement, dodging bullets, Nazis, secret technology, mutants, swinging on huge holy crosses and statues of Jesus with his whip. There will be a slightly amusing part where he swings from one of these Jesus statues, and the chorus members sing. John Williams is awesome.

Indy will whip the pike out of a Swiss guard's hands and race for the Vatican exit. He'll fire off a flare to let Dimitri know he's coming. Cut to Dimitri, who is drunk off his ass. Indy gets in a Nazi truck filled with explosives and lights them all, puts a brick on the pedal and sends it hurtling toward the gate, but not before he ties a rope to the undercarriage and attaches his whip to the rope. The giant truck of boom is dragging Indy toward the gate in a reprise of the scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark. It's a really long rope, so Indy is safe.

The truck reaches the gate and explodes, and the stoppage of momentum, plus a little whip work from Indy, sends him flying off to the side, just as an RPG explodes from pursuing Nazis. The gate comes crashing down (there is a gate at the Vatican right? If not disregard this scene and come up with something in rewrites) and Indy scrambles as bullets fly. Nazis on bikes race toward him.

Cut back to Dimitri who is still drunk as hell. Indy yells "Dim! START THE ENGINE AND BREAK OUT THAT SNIPER RIFLE! WE GOT COMPANY!" Indy dives behind vegetable crates from nearby restaurants (I assume there are restaurants outside the Vatican) as the bullets fly. Dimitri, in a drunken haze looks up and sees the commotion. He's soooo drunk.

In an awesome, drunk sniping revelry, with John Williams playing Russian-sounding music, maybe a march, Dimitri takes out tons of Nazis. One bullet goes right by Indy's ear in a slow motion shot contributed by George Lucas. The bullet sends his hat flying off. Indy dives into the truck and shouts "GO! GO! GO!"

They're driving off into the night, in the other direction, and Indy leans out the truck and grabs hit hat off the cobblestone (I assume the road outside the Vatican is cobblestone). John Williams plays the Indy theme. The Nazis are gone for now. Indy looks up and sniffs, wrinkling his nose. "You were drunk? YOU WERE DRUNK? I BREAK INTO THE VATICAN, GET SHOT AT BY GOOSE-STEPPING MORONS, AND YOU WERE SITTING THERE GETTING BLITZED? This is worse than that chinese sidekick I used to have."

Indy takes the wheel and fixes his hat. Suddenly, an explosion rocks the street. The Nazis have busted out an experimental jet fighter and it's making strafing runs. John Williams busts out the Nazi theme from Last Crusade, only this time it's a full movement, like three minutes long. There's an epic chase scene to the Italian coastline (the Vatican isn't THAT far from the coast, is it?).

Indy's truck is reduced to tatters by the time they reach a dock. There's a British Submarine submarine off the coast, waiting. The jet fighter comes around for another pass and Indy takes it out somehow, in really dramatic fashion. Spielberg will come up with that.

Indy and Dimitri get to the sub under the cover of darkness and Indy's about to hand over some photographs (he was snapping photos of the Vatican basement and the Nazis earlier) and the piece he jacked, but then he realizes it's gone. It fell out of his bag on the way out of the Vatican. The Nazis have it. We cut to the Vatican basement and they're powering up their superweapon.

Indy has to go BACK to Italy and stop the Nazis in the finale before they unleash their unholy Vatican superweapon on the world. He'll get captured but Dimitri, who was told to go home but tailed Indy anyway, will free him in a courageous act of sniping. He'll sacrifice himself to save Indy, resulting in a tearful goodbye. Indy will turn the superweapon on the Nazis at the last second, blowing them all up. The starship enterprise beams Indy up at the last second, saving his bacon.

John Williams will play the NEW Indy theme, a combination of his old theme and Jerry Goldsmith's Star Trek theme. Roll credits.

ok, how much I owe ya?' ;)

[Jenson71]

Well...if I was really ambitious...and a police Chief in Italy....I'd pay a bunch of corrupt policemen to don SWAT gear and raid the Vatican...but I'm not even sure if Italian policemen have guns, or SWAT gear. I know all the coppers in Britain only had nightsticks when I lived there. So maybe I'd have to be a dictator in some little third-world country close to Italy. They have guns, and are bored, and would like to do something newsworthy.

You would be met with severe economic sanctions from the UN

[Frazod]

Well...if I was really ambitious...and a police Chief in Italy....I'd pay a bunch of corrupt policemen to don SWAT gear and raid the Vatican...but I'm not even sure if Italian policemen have guns, or SWAT gear. I know all the coppers in Britain only had nightsticks when I lived there. So maybe I'd have to be a dictator in some little third-world country close to Italy. They have guns, and are bored, and would like to do something newsworthy.

Italian cops CARRY machine guns. At least they did 20 years ago. One of my friends climbed into the middle of the Trevi Fountain and two cops with machine guns came up and told him to get the fuck out (which he did, rather quickly). He's probably lucky they didn't toss him in jail. I've got a picture of it somewhere. :D

[Sweet Daddy Hate]

You would be met with severe economic sanctions from the UN

And then given aid under the table, as the UN hates the church.

[Hammock Parties]

Italian cops CARRY machine guns. At least they did 20 years ago.

Perfect. We can set it in 1980s Italy. Alternate history.

We'll get Quentin Tarantino to direct it. He'll come up with a cheesy title that attracts lots of ticket sales. "Franco's Unholy Italian Army."