T-post Tom
04-15-2009, 02:56 AM
Must-miss TV: Ten games -- OK, 11 -- you should avoid like plague
April 14, 2009
By Clark Judge
Great. Now that I have the NFL schedule I can start crossing off the games I don't want to see, and, believe me, that's not easy in a league with Detroit, Cleveland, Oakland, Cincinnati and the NFC West. But I've managed to get it down to 10 ... OK, 11 if you include my season-finale bonus ... so let the countdown begin:
Week 1
San Diego Chargers at Oakland Raiders: The Chargers won the AFC West four of the past five years, including the last three. Oakland hasn't had a winning season since 2002. But that's not why this game stinks. This is: The Bolts are on an 11-game tear vs. the Raiders, not losing since 2003. A year ago the Raiders came within 10 points of San Diego, and while that doesn't seem like much it was an achievement for Pride, if not for Poise. It represented the fourth smallest margin of victory for San Diego in its 11-game run.
Week 2
Cleveland Browns at Denver Broncos: The Browns finished the season on a roll, scoring no offensive touchdowns their last six games in the latest ... and one of the greatest ... displays of the prevent offense. The Browns might have trouble outscoring anyone again, only in Denver they have an opponent that already plays to unfavorable reviews. The Broncos will try to get through the season without a starting quarterback, and, yeah, I know I said Chicago was better off with Kyle Orton because I believe it was. He was to the Bears what Trent Dilfer was to Baltimore -- the perfect fit. But he's a square peg on a club with so many holes he might have to produce 28-30 points to stay competitive ... except in this game. First one to 10, wins.
Week 4
Seattle Seahawks vs. Indianapolis Colts: Let's see, it's the league's worst pass defense against Peyton Manning, and it's a 1 p.m. start in Indianapolis. I don't care who is missing. Gimme the Colts, and here's why: The Seahawks lost their last five starts in the Eastern Time Zone, only once scoring more than 10 points in those defeats. So now they have to overcome one of the game's two best quarterbacks in what amounts to a 10 a.m. start? Somewhere, Mike Holmgren is enjoying his time off.
Week 7
Tampa Bay Buccaneers at New England (or England) Patriots: You know something? It just doesn't seem right to fly all the way to London to see the Bucs get their butts handed to them.
Week 12
Green Bay Packers at Detroit Lions: The Lions haven't won on Thanksgiving Day since 2003. Worse, they lost their last five by an average of 23.2 points per game. I understand the NFL wanting to stick with tradition and keep the Lions in the Thanksgiving rotation, but why have them go first? I mean, where's the respect for your appetite and the damage it can suffer with another Lions' embarrassment? If the league insists on keeping Detroit for Thanksgiving, I have one request: Put them on last. The pumpkin pie is long gone, and America's Worst Team disappears on the NFL Network.
New York Giants at Broncos: Very simple. Nobody was better running the ball last year than the Giants. Few were worse defending the run than Denver. So the Giants lost Derrick Ward. The Broncos lost their starting quarterback. Advantage: New York.
Week 13
Baltimore Ravens at Packers: It's Pearl Harbor Day, and I'll observe it someplace where the weather is closer to Honolulu than it is to Fairbanks, Alaska. I guess that takes me out of Lambeau. Don't get me wrong. I like the matchup ... but not on Monday night at 7:30 p.m. Green Bay time. Give me the under, and I'm talking about the wind chill.
Week 14
Pittsburgh Steelers at Browns: The Steelers are the defending Super Bowl champions. The Browns are an Extreme Makeover. Put them together, and you have a worse match than Britney and K-Fed. The Browns lost 17 of their last 18 to the Steelers and haven't beaten them in Cleveland since 2000 when Tim Couch and Kent Graham were the quarterbacks. But that's not the worst of it, folks. In their last six games in Cleveland, Pittsburgh outscored the Browns 167-43; in their last four, it was 130-27. If there were ever a case for the slaughter rule, this is it. Now they push this one back into December, hoping that maybe, just maybe, an early winter helps the Browns make a game of it. There's not a snowball's chance.
Week 15
Patriots at Buffalo Bills: OK, I admit it. I'll watch their season opener because I want to see Tom Brady's arm without Gisele on it. But their second game? Forget it. It's Dec. 20 in Buffalo, for crying out loud, which means you have wind, snow, sub-freezing temperatures and Terrell Owens moping through another loss. Check, please. The Bills lost 16 of their last 17 to New England -- make that 17 of 18 after the opener -- and by mid-to-late December they're usually jockeying for another 7-9 finish. That's fine, except I don't have to be a witness to the execution.
Week 16
Minnesota Vikings at Chicago Bears: Here we go again. It's bad enough that these two have to play in Chicago in late December, but on a Monday night? Please remind the good people of Chicago why they should believe in Santa Claus. Last time I checked there was a dome available in Minneapolis for just these sorts of occasions. I'm not saying it will be cold, but I'd buy two pages of the Bean winter catalogue before sitting through this game.
Week 17
Season-finale bonus -- San Francisco 49ers at St. Louis Rams: If it's the last game of the season you want it to mean something. This one won't. These two teams are a combined 17-47 the past two years, which means they're either playing for draft position or the first tee time Jan. 4. Maybe both. Good luck and good night.
April 14, 2009
By Clark Judge
Great. Now that I have the NFL schedule I can start crossing off the games I don't want to see, and, believe me, that's not easy in a league with Detroit, Cleveland, Oakland, Cincinnati and the NFC West. But I've managed to get it down to 10 ... OK, 11 if you include my season-finale bonus ... so let the countdown begin:
Week 1
San Diego Chargers at Oakland Raiders: The Chargers won the AFC West four of the past five years, including the last three. Oakland hasn't had a winning season since 2002. But that's not why this game stinks. This is: The Bolts are on an 11-game tear vs. the Raiders, not losing since 2003. A year ago the Raiders came within 10 points of San Diego, and while that doesn't seem like much it was an achievement for Pride, if not for Poise. It represented the fourth smallest margin of victory for San Diego in its 11-game run.
Week 2
Cleveland Browns at Denver Broncos: The Browns finished the season on a roll, scoring no offensive touchdowns their last six games in the latest ... and one of the greatest ... displays of the prevent offense. The Browns might have trouble outscoring anyone again, only in Denver they have an opponent that already plays to unfavorable reviews. The Broncos will try to get through the season without a starting quarterback, and, yeah, I know I said Chicago was better off with Kyle Orton because I believe it was. He was to the Bears what Trent Dilfer was to Baltimore -- the perfect fit. But he's a square peg on a club with so many holes he might have to produce 28-30 points to stay competitive ... except in this game. First one to 10, wins.
Week 4
Seattle Seahawks vs. Indianapolis Colts: Let's see, it's the league's worst pass defense against Peyton Manning, and it's a 1 p.m. start in Indianapolis. I don't care who is missing. Gimme the Colts, and here's why: The Seahawks lost their last five starts in the Eastern Time Zone, only once scoring more than 10 points in those defeats. So now they have to overcome one of the game's two best quarterbacks in what amounts to a 10 a.m. start? Somewhere, Mike Holmgren is enjoying his time off.
Week 7
Tampa Bay Buccaneers at New England (or England) Patriots: You know something? It just doesn't seem right to fly all the way to London to see the Bucs get their butts handed to them.
Week 12
Green Bay Packers at Detroit Lions: The Lions haven't won on Thanksgiving Day since 2003. Worse, they lost their last five by an average of 23.2 points per game. I understand the NFL wanting to stick with tradition and keep the Lions in the Thanksgiving rotation, but why have them go first? I mean, where's the respect for your appetite and the damage it can suffer with another Lions' embarrassment? If the league insists on keeping Detroit for Thanksgiving, I have one request: Put them on last. The pumpkin pie is long gone, and America's Worst Team disappears on the NFL Network.
New York Giants at Broncos: Very simple. Nobody was better running the ball last year than the Giants. Few were worse defending the run than Denver. So the Giants lost Derrick Ward. The Broncos lost their starting quarterback. Advantage: New York.
Week 13
Baltimore Ravens at Packers: It's Pearl Harbor Day, and I'll observe it someplace where the weather is closer to Honolulu than it is to Fairbanks, Alaska. I guess that takes me out of Lambeau. Don't get me wrong. I like the matchup ... but not on Monday night at 7:30 p.m. Green Bay time. Give me the under, and I'm talking about the wind chill.
Week 14
Pittsburgh Steelers at Browns: The Steelers are the defending Super Bowl champions. The Browns are an Extreme Makeover. Put them together, and you have a worse match than Britney and K-Fed. The Browns lost 17 of their last 18 to the Steelers and haven't beaten them in Cleveland since 2000 when Tim Couch and Kent Graham were the quarterbacks. But that's not the worst of it, folks. In their last six games in Cleveland, Pittsburgh outscored the Browns 167-43; in their last four, it was 130-27. If there were ever a case for the slaughter rule, this is it. Now they push this one back into December, hoping that maybe, just maybe, an early winter helps the Browns make a game of it. There's not a snowball's chance.
Week 15
Patriots at Buffalo Bills: OK, I admit it. I'll watch their season opener because I want to see Tom Brady's arm without Gisele on it. But their second game? Forget it. It's Dec. 20 in Buffalo, for crying out loud, which means you have wind, snow, sub-freezing temperatures and Terrell Owens moping through another loss. Check, please. The Bills lost 16 of their last 17 to New England -- make that 17 of 18 after the opener -- and by mid-to-late December they're usually jockeying for another 7-9 finish. That's fine, except I don't have to be a witness to the execution.
Week 16
Minnesota Vikings at Chicago Bears: Here we go again. It's bad enough that these two have to play in Chicago in late December, but on a Monday night? Please remind the good people of Chicago why they should believe in Santa Claus. Last time I checked there was a dome available in Minneapolis for just these sorts of occasions. I'm not saying it will be cold, but I'd buy two pages of the Bean winter catalogue before sitting through this game.
Week 17
Season-finale bonus -- San Francisco 49ers at St. Louis Rams: If it's the last game of the season you want it to mean something. This one won't. These two teams are a combined 17-47 the past two years, which means they're either playing for draft position or the first tee time Jan. 4. Maybe both. Good luck and good night.