chris
06-02-2009, 03:30 PM
Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA)
Washington, DC - Congress is considering sweeping legislation
that will provide new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No
Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislative goal by
advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or
ambition.
'Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence
and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in
society,' said a California Senator, 'We can no longer stand
by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With
this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special
favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea
of what they are doing.'
In a Capitol Hill press conference, the House Majority Leader
and the Senate Majority Leader pointed to the success of the U.S.
Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing
opportunity without regard to performance Approximately 74 percent of
postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single
largest U.S. employer of Persons of Inability.
Private-sector industries with good records of non-discrimination
against the inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry
(68%), and home improvement warehouse stores (65%). At the state
government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent
record of hiring Persons of Inability (63%).
Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million 'middle
man' positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but
little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose
and performance.
Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given so
as to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable
employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to
corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability
into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and
medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every
two talented hires.
Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult
to discriminate against the Non-abled, banning, for example,
discriminatory interview questions such as, 'Do you have any skills or
experience that relate to this job?'
'As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who
have something going for them,' said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her
position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Michigan, due to
her inability to remember "Righty-Tighty, Lefty-Loosey." 'This new law
should be real good for people like me,' Gertz added. With the passage
of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will
finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Said a Senator from Texas: 'As a Senator with no abilities, I
believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be
extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as
lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his
or her adequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation
and a good salary for doing so.
Washington, DC - Congress is considering sweeping legislation
that will provide new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No
Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislative goal by
advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or
ambition.
'Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence
and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in
society,' said a California Senator, 'We can no longer stand
by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With
this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special
favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea
of what they are doing.'
In a Capitol Hill press conference, the House Majority Leader
and the Senate Majority Leader pointed to the success of the U.S.
Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing
opportunity without regard to performance Approximately 74 percent of
postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single
largest U.S. employer of Persons of Inability.
Private-sector industries with good records of non-discrimination
against the inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry
(68%), and home improvement warehouse stores (65%). At the state
government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent
record of hiring Persons of Inability (63%).
Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million 'middle
man' positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but
little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose
and performance.
Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given so
as to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable
employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to
corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability
into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and
medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every
two talented hires.
Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult
to discriminate against the Non-abled, banning, for example,
discriminatory interview questions such as, 'Do you have any skills or
experience that relate to this job?'
'As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who
have something going for them,' said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her
position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Michigan, due to
her inability to remember "Righty-Tighty, Lefty-Loosey." 'This new law
should be real good for people like me,' Gertz added. With the passage
of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will
finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Said a Senator from Texas: 'As a Senator with no abilities, I
believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be
extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as
lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his
or her adequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation
and a good salary for doing so.