Suicide (attempt) by Pens...to the Eyes

[Goldmember]

Glad it didn't work. He got what he deserved. (The reason I posted this I misread the headline and thought he had tried to jam his PENIS in his eyes.) LMAO Is it possible to kill yourself that way?

http://www.contracostatimes.com/ci_14247477?source=most_viewed

San Quentin death-row inmate Justin Helzer, convicted in 2004 of murdering five people, including the daughter of blues guitarist Elvin Bishop, tried to kill himself and is hospitalized in critical condition, sources confirmed Friday.

Helzer apparently tried to commit suicide by jamming pens in each of his eyes. Although he didn't kill himself, the sources said Helzer did succeed in paralyzing himself on the right side and causing brain damage.

California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation spokeswoman Terry Thornton said the injury was self-inflicted, and the reason Helzer was trying to hurt himself was under investigation.

A Contra Costa County Superior Court jury found Helzer guilty of killing Selina Bishop, the 22-year-old daughter of Elvin Bishop, her mother, her mother's boyfriend and a retired Concord couple who once hired Helzer's older brother as their financial adviser. The killings were part of a botched extortion scheme targeting the elderly couple.

The dismembered remains of Bishop and the elderly couple were discovered in August 2000 in duffel bags floating in the Mokelumne River in the Delta.

Helzer's brother, Glenn, and their roommate, Dawn Godman, pleaded guilty. Glenn Helzer is also on death row and Godman is serving a lengthy prison sentence.

[Bane]

Goddamn!!!Raiderfan

[bevischief]

Nice. Natural selection at it's best...

[Hog's Gone Fishin]

I tried that once. Luckily I had sunglasses on at the time.It's the only thing that saved me.

[Bane]

I tried that once. Luckily I had sunglasses on at the time.It's the only thing that saved me.

Pat Bowlen will probably be the next to try it after Mcdumbass finishes driving his team into the ground like a kamikaze pilot.

[Rain Man]

More evidence supporting my theory that criminals are really bad at biology.

[kstater]

More evidence supporting my theory that criminals are really bad at biology.

Yup, everyone knows that you need to stick the pen up your nose.

[Pants]

What a fucking dumbass. Pen to the jugular would do the trick and it would be a much less painful and agonizing death.

[Rain Man]

Yup, everyone knows that you need to stick the pen up your nose.


Yep. That's linked to my other theory that criminals are really bad at Egyptology.

[Saccopoo]

Fuck. There's got to be a better way than that.

I know that life in the slammer sucks, but just have a guy shank you really good. It's got to be better than going through the rest of your life with no fucking eyeballs, paralyzed and still in the slammer. Jesus H. Christ that's one of the grossest things I've ever heard.

[CoMoChief]

Yep. That's linked to my other theory that criminals are really bad at Egyptology.

ROFL

[Frazod]

The part I don't get is WHY DID THEY BOTHER TO TREAT HIM? Just let the fucker bleed out and be done with it.

IMO, every death row cell should come equipped with a noose and a chair to jump off. There's the door, motherfucker. Leave at your leisure.

[Rain Man]

IMO, every death row cell should come equipped with a noose and a chair to jump off. There's the door, mother****er. Leave at your leisure.

That's actually a pretty good idea.

["Bob" Dobbs]

Glad it didn't work. He got what he deserved. (The reason I posted this I misread the headline and thought he had tried to jam his PENIS in his eyes.) So you thought he was cockeyed?

[Frazod]

That's actually a pretty good idea.

Seriously. That's why they're there in the first place. I assume that after staring at the rope for a few months/years eventually many would take the plunge, so to speak.

I've also never understood the concept of going all out to save some severely injured condemned prisoner just so you can kill him later. Does anybody benefit but the damned appellate lawyers?

This is the cherry on top of our fucktarded criminal justice system. Things were so much better 100 years ago.

[LaChapelle]

...and all the t's in his suicide note were crossed

[Halfcan]

OUCH!

[Saccopoo]

The part I don't get is WHY DID THEY BOTHER TO TREAT HIM? Just let the ****er bleed out and be done with it.

IMO, every death row cell should come equipped with a noose and a chair to jump off. There's the door, mother****er. Leave at your leisure.

Well, unless you've been convicted in the state of Illinois or Texas in the past 100 + years or so and somebody finally figured out that maybe DNA testing isn't a bad thing and finds out that more than half of the people on death row didn't do the crime. Fucking lazy, politically bent DA's trying to make a name for themselves are more than to blame for some poor innocent fucker being thrown into the slammer for life for something that they never did.

I'm not saying this is the case with this cock sucker, but I'd imagine that there are a lot of guys in there that got the ramrod shoddy police work and over-zealous DA's.

[el borracho]

Is there any logical argument against offering free assisted-suicide to anyone who wants it? Especially criminals. There are billions of people in the world; don't want to be here, anymore? Get the fuck out!

[KCChiefsMan]

the thought of this is going to give me nightmares, GOD DAMN

[Rain Man]

Well, unless you've been convicted in the state of Illinois or Texas in the past 100 + years or so and somebody finally figured out that maybe DNA testing isn't a bad thing and finds out that more than half of the people on death row didn't do the crime. ****ing lazy, politically bent DA's trying to make a name for themselves are more than to blame for some poor innocent ****er being thrown into the slammer for life for something that they never did.

I'm not saying this is the case with this cock sucker, but I'd imagine that there are a lot of guys in there that got the ramrod shoddy police work and over-zealous DA's.


I have to say, I've changed my mind on the death penalty because of this. We shouldn't have it unless the person confesses freely.

["Bob" Dobbs]

Well, unless you've been convicted in the state of Illinois or Texas in the past 100 + years or so and somebody finally figured out that maybe DNA testing isn't a bad thing and finds out that more than half of the people on death row didn't do the crime. Fucking lazy, politically bent DA's trying to make a name for themselves are more than to blame for some poor innocent fucker being thrown into the slammer for life for something that they never did.

I'm not saying this is the case with this cock sucker, but I'd imagine that there are a lot of guys in there that got the ramrod shoddy police work and over-zealous DA's.I'm sorry, but MORE THAN HALF of people on death row are innocent? No fucking way. Link, please.

[stumppy]

When I read the thread title the first thing I thought of was some poor bastard being forced to watch Sean Penn movies until he killed himself. For me that would be about 1 to 1 1/2 movies.

[threebag]

Pens in the eye. If you remove the cartridge it gives you kick ass tunnel vision

[JD10367]

If I could put my penis in my eye, I'd be working at either Cirque du Soleil or in porn. Because it would mean I'm either one flexible motherf**ker, or I'm hung like John Holmes. :)

[Ebolapox]

...and all the t's in his suicide note were crossed

you mean the eyes were dotted?


PLAY HIM AWAY, KEYBOARD CAT!

[headsnap]

I've heard of getting ink in prison, but DAMN!!!

[Ebolapox]

I've heard of getting ink in prison, but DAMN!!!

ROFL

[CosmicPal]

Wow. Reminds me of the story I heard many years ago of the convict who yanked his eyeballs out. He was high on PCP or Angel Dust or something.

[stevieray]

...this takes getting penzed to a whole different level.

[Earthling]

I watched Elvin Bishop play in a hole in the wall bar in San Jose...before he hit the big time. Great guitarist. Too bad the scumbag that killed his girl and the others didn't do his own death right. But, then again, maybe this is best afterall. Let him live and suffer a bit more.

[Rain Man]

It's a good thing it wasn't a pencil, because you can get pretty bad lead poisoning from that.

[Demonpenz]

probably listened to a Leno Monologe

[TinyEvel]

All I can think of is when Andy Kaufman on SNL when he did that... "Here's an impression of Elvis...getting two knitting needles stuck in his eyes..."

[Otter]

Yup, everyone knows that you need to stick the pen up your nose.

Actually that would probably only result in a frontal lobotomy:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Walter_Freeman_%28neurologist%29

WARNING: The above information is not intended (wink, wink redrum) to serve as a sufficient knowledge base in performing a lobotomy on one's self or a friend or family member. Medical advice provided on chiefsplanet.com will often result in the ingestion of antifreeze or rubbing dirt on a wound to make it better. Seek the advice of a licensed physician.