Eldrick On Deck

[gblowfish]

He's coming up in about five minutes. Do you care?

[gblowfish]

We should say a little prayer for him...
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[L.A. Chieffan]

OMG OOMGOMGFAVRE111

[gblowfish]

Elan...
CHA-CHING!!!

BTW: Eldrick shouldn't mention his "staff." That's what got him in trouble in the first place!

[blaise]

I think he's welling up less because he's sad and more because he has to do something he doesn't want to do, and he's not used to controlling everything.

[gblowfish]

I have a long........
way to go.
Whew. Stick to script, stick to script....

[Donger]

This is one of the most f*cking bizarre things I've ever seen.

[blaise]

"I'd like to thank Accenture."

That's hilarious.

[tyton75]

Just go play golf and shut up

[gblowfish]

Shake Shake Shake
Shake Shake Shake
Shake your Buddhist...
Shake your Buddhist...

[Shag]

Wow, that was really uncomfortable...

[Donger]

Mommy!!!

[DrRyan]

This is one of the most f*cking bizarre things I've ever seen.

Agreed. I only caught the last little bit of it but he was all over the place. Lashing out at the paparazzi for following his kids and then immediately into being a Bhuddist and his faith. More than a little bizarre.

[gblowfish]

Were there any hot chicks in the room?

[tyton75]

did he say when he would play again or not?

[gblowfish]

LEAVE ELDRICK ALONE!!!!!

[Buck]

Tiger is Buddhist?

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3398/3591513682_a29ba936c2.jpg?v=0

[L.A. Chieffan]

whos this chick with gloria aldred with the nasty fucking fake eyelashes and wig?

[bogey]

I think he's handling this perfect. Return to rehab tomorrow. Give this speech a little time to settle in to the golf fans, let the press compliment him on his courage for a while. In a few weeks, return to golf.

[CoMoChief]

This is fucking retarded.

[KCUnited]

Paparazzi waged war now.

[FloridaMan88]

It was way too scripted.

I would have crafted his apology tour in the following manner:

1) Open press conference (on a Tuesday so it doesn't compete with an on-going tournament)

2) Interview with Elin and his mom on Oprah (takes care of the female market)

3) Interview on ESPN (takes care of the general sports market)

4) Interview on The Golf Channel (takes care of the golf specific market)

[JD10367]

MEMO

To: CNN, MSNBC, CNBC

From: John Q. Public

Re.: What Is News And What Is Not News

Dear Networks,

Tiger Woods apologizing for philandering is not news. AIDS tree, antifreeze, on fire. kthxbye

Sincerely, JQP

(P.S.: If you can arrange for Tiger to go on a drive through the Olympic Village in a Toyota with a carload of their top execs and go out of control and run down a bunch of the Wall Street types who ruined our economy... then, give us a call.)

[kstater]

Am I the only one that saw the broken tooth?

[gblowfish]

Tiger’s Penis Issues Rebuttal
'He Does Not Speak For Me,' Says Furious Member

PONTE VEDRA BEACH, FL (The Borowitz Report) – Just minutes after Tiger Woods vowed to lead a life of decency and integrity, the golf legend’s penis issued a furious rebuttal.

“Let’s make one thing very clear,” Mr. Woods’ penis told a select group of reporters. “Tiger Woods does not speak for me.”

Mr. Woods’ penis sought to draw a clear distinction between his plans and those of the PGA champion, particularly concerning their futures on the golf tour.

“Tiger has said he is not returning to the tour,” Mr. Woods’ penis said. “I am here to say that Little Tiger is definitely putting it out there.”

Reaction to the statement by Mr. Woods’ penis was mixed.

“The world needs to forget about everything else and focus on the Tiger Woods scandal,” said the chairman of Toyota.

[Donger]

So, one of the whores that Tiger was banging goes on camera and demands an apology? For what, exactly?

http://www.ktla.com/news/landing/ktla-tiger-joslyn-presser,0,7218575.story

[kstater]

So, one of the whores that Tiger was banging goes on camera and demands an apology? For what, exactly?

http://www.ktla.com/news/landing/ktla-tiger-joslyn-presser,0,7218575.story

She thought Tiger was going to leave his wife for her. Because, you know, Tiger's the first cheating husband to promise that.

[kstater]

Am I the only one that saw the broken tooth?

?

[Donger]

This is priceless:

"He led her to believe she was the only woman in his life other than his wife," Allred said, as Veronica sat by her side holding back tears. "She was in love with him, and he told her that he loved her."

[PunkinDrublic]

I'm so sick of the fake outrage over this. This is between Tiger and his family, he doesn't owe anybody else shit. The golf world is filled with uptight, elitist douchebags who are hypocrites.
Posted via Mobile Device

[JD10367]

This is priceless:

"He led her to believe she was the only woman in his life other than his wife," Allred said, as Veronica sat by her side holding back tears. "She was in love with him, and he told her that he loved her."

"No, baby, I won't in your mouth, don't worry." LMAO

[JD10367]

I'm so sick of the fake outrage over this. This is between Tiger and his family, he doesn't owe anybody else shit. The golf world is filled with uptight, elitist douchebags who are hypocrites.
Posted via Mobile Device

Butbutbut if he apologizes in public, it'll SURELY mean that he really MEANS it, right? I mean, going on camera with crocodile tears makes it all better, doesn't it, and then we can all get back to idolizing him and buying all his merchandise, right? I mean, come on, everyone makes mistakes... who doesn't have a moment of weakness and f**k 84 hoe-bags while married? :shrug:

[Jerm]

Was that Tiger speaking or Todd Haley...?

"Its a process..."
Posted via Mobile Device

[bogey]

Butbutbut if he apologizes in public, it'll SURELY mean that he really MEANS it, right? I mean, going on camera with crocodile tears makes it all better, doesn't it, and then we can all get back to idolizing him and buying all his merchandise, right? I mean, come on, everyone makes mistakes... who doesn't have a moment of weakness and f**k 84 hoe-bags while married? :shrug:

He fucked, he is admitting it. I'll give him a second chance, maybe a third or 4th. The difference between him and the majority of others... he got caught.

[vailpass]

I like to watch him golf. Don't care about any of this other stuff; none of my biz.

[JD10367]

He ****ed, he is admitting it. I'll give him a second chance, maybe a third or 4th. The difference between him and the majority of others... he got caught.

Exactly. And, like the rest of the people, he's not sorry at all... he's just sorry he got caught.

And why does he need a second chance, from you or from anyone? Were you not gonna watch him golf any more but, now that he's "apologized", you will? The only person he needed a "second chance" from is his wife. Personally, I think she'd be an idiot to give it to him, but that's her problem, not mine.

I don't care if he f**ks goats as a hobby. It has no bearing on my interest in him as a golfer. He's only apologizing so he doesn't lose millions of dollars in merchandising sales to the doe-eyed little kiddies and the Ozzie-and-Harriet set who put people on pedestals (which has nothing to do with his sports ability and everything to do with his pop-icon status).

[bogey]

Exactly. And, like the rest of the people, he's not sorry at all... he's just sorry he got caught.

And why does he need a second chance, from you or from anyone? Were you not gonna watch him golf any more but, now that he's "apologized", you will? The only person he needed a "second chance" from is his wife. Personally, I think she'd be an idiot to give it to him, but that's her problem, not mine.

I don't care if he f**ks goats as a hobby. It has no bearing on my interest in him as a golfer. He's only apologizing so he doesn't lose millions of dollars in merchandising sales to the doe-eyed little kiddies and the Ozzie-and-Harriet set who put people on pedestals (which has nothing to do with his sports ability and everything to do with his pop-icon status).

I understand everything you're saying. What I'm curious about, is, how you're able to read his mind to know whether he's sincere or not?

He doesn't need a second chance from me. How I feel makes no difference to him. I stated that opinion because I've made many mistakes in my life and who am I to judge someone else.

[gblowfish]

I don't care if he f**ks goats as a hobby.
Now if that was on ESPN, I might watch it...

[Mr. Laz]

didn't watch, don't care

[OnTheWarpath15]

The guy is the best golfer in the world, so he gets held to a different standard than everyone else on the planet.

Fucking stupid.

He cheated on his wife. That's between him and her.

When Tiger steps back on the golf course, that's when I'll give a shit.

I admire his play. I could give a damn about the rest.

[CrazyPhuD]

Tiger is Buddhist?

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3398/3591513682_a29ba936c2.jpg?v=0

Tiger's asian, buddhism is pretty common among the thai and chinese.

[Coogs]

45 days of therapy, and he still isn't cured. I don't know how they test him to see if he is cured or not? Send hot women into his room and have the try and suduce him. If he shows no interest he is cured, but if he shows interest he needs more therapy? :shrug:

My guess is there are going to be just as many women out there hitting on him once he comes back as before. Maybe more. Many of them out to make some serious money.

[stevieray]

tiger could do commercials for toyota : we swear, we can stop!

[LaChapelle]

I don't know who this Eldrick is
but I'm sick to death of this Tiger shit