Revenge of the Sith was a shit film

[The_Doctor10]

I've been a long-time hater of the Star Wars prequels and I always manage to convince myself that Revenge of the Sith at least had some decent story elements that redeemed it at least partially for the clunky, mind-numbingly awful dialogue, Hayden Christensen's general incompetence as an actor, and Attack of the Clones' appallingly bad everything.

But I was wrong... Everything about this film is wrong... And I can't help but think that if the guys who directed and produced Empire and Return of the Jedi were still in house telling Lucas he was a fucking dumbass for wanting to do 90% of what's in these movies, we'dve been much more satisfied as an audience.

But yes, hope everyone is enjoying their night. I just felt the need to remind people about what a colossal disappointment this film was, and what a crap film-maker George Lucas truly is.

Thank you and good evening :D

[KcMizzou]

Wrong forum.

[Hammock Parties]

It has a lot of terribly goofy shit.

I like the beginning and ending of the film. Just about everything in between makes me want to hurl. The scene where Palpatine turns on the Jedi and eventually offs Mace, that whole sequence...probably one of my least favorite scenes ever in the entire Trilogy. Horribly scripted, directed and acted. Just about completely ruins the entire film for me. I can look past that fucking lizard, I can't look past Ian McDiarmid hamming it up like a dumbass.

[Gonzo]

At least it didn't have any fucking ewoks in it. Ewoks ruined Jedi.
Posted via Mobile Device

[Frankie]

Revenge of the Sith was a shit film
I always thought "delayed reaction" is mostly a 'seconds' or at most 'minutes' phenomenon!

[Crush]

The Phantom Menace killed the franchise, Attack of the Clones pissed all over the dead body, and Revenge of the Sith was a Lucas's half-ass attempt at CPR.

[Crush]

At least it didn't have any fucking ewoks in it. Ewoks ruined Jedi.
Posted via Mobile Device


Yep. The movie would have been EPIC with wookies.

[The_Doctor10]

It has a lot of terribly goofy shit.

I like the beginning and ending of the film. Just about everything in between makes me want to hurl. The scene where Palpatine turns on the Jedi and eventually offs Mace, that whole sequence...probably one of my least favorite scenes ever in the entire Trilogy. Horribly scripted, directed and acted.

Oh boy is it... It starts off fairly good; the moment where Palpatine goes 'Are you threatening me, Master Jedi?' is probably the most well-acted and tension filled moment in the entire prequel trilogy... And then it gets fricking ruined by a spiral, three Jedi ALLOWING themselves to be cut down, all so Mace can fight Sidious himself.... And die poorly.

And would it have killed him to mix in a friggen location shot once in a while... bollocks... utter bollocks.

[Crush]

Also, Jedi was kind of ruined from the get go when they decided to just build another Death Star. It is time to blow up the Death Star... again.

[InChiefsHeaven]

on the whole, I liked Sith. HC is a shitty actor, but maybe it was the finishing of the prequals that I liked. I dunno, after Phantom Menace, nothing could be a bad Star Wars movie.

JMO.

[The_Doctor10]

I always thought "delayed reaction" is mostly a 'seconds' or at most 'minutes' phenomenon!

I'm re-watching it now to see if it was really as shit as I remember... It is. It's worse than I thought. It's really horrible; I need to watch the theatrical cut of A New Hope after this to get the dirty feeling off me...

[KcMizzou]

Also, Jedi was kind of ruined from the get go when they decided to just build another Death Star. It is time to blow up the Death Star... again.Ya know, that bugged me even back then.

[Crush]

I'm re-watching it now to see if it was really as shit as I remember... It is. It's worse than I thought. It's really horrible; I need to watch the theatrical cut of A New Hope after this to get the dirty feeling off me...

I agree. The prequels have not aged well, which increases the suckitude factor since they were not that good to begin with.

[The_Doctor10]

I agree. The prequels have not aged well, which increases the suckitude factor since they were not that good to begin with.

It's the overdone CGI; CGI ages worse than strawberries, it's embarrassing. The originals hold up in part because the model work is so amazing that everything looks real. In large part, because it is. Similarly, CGI looks fake because it is. A bit of an oversimplification, but whatever lol

[Ebolapox]

I didn't think it was horrible. book was WAY better (yeah, I'm THAT guy)

[The_Doctor10]

I didn't think it was horrible. book was WAY better (yeah, I'm THAT guy)

If the book is better than the movie, and the movie wasn't a book beforehand, then somebody made a shit film :P

[Crush]

It's the overdone CGI; CGI ages worse than strawberries, it's embarrassing. The originals hold up in part because the model work is so amazing that everything looks real. In large part, because it is. Similarly, CGI looks fake because it is. A bit of an oversimplification, but whatever lol


In my opinion, the originals hold up because of the story. The three-part story arc concept was amazing. A big problem with the prequels was the shitty story. Also, the inclusion of characters such as Jango Fett, along with the fact that friggin Darth Vader built C-3PO completely shrank the universe.

[Ebolapox]

If the book is better than the movie, and the movie wasn't a book beforehand, then somebody made a shit film :P

I can't recall if it was written before the movie, but it goes into WAAAY more depth and explanations for how and why he really turned. gives background on why mace was who he was, etc. I highly recommend it.

[Crush]

Also, I agree with you on the CGI. It seemed like Lucas was just snorting lines of CGI like it was nothing by the end and everyone around him was too afraid to hold an intervention.

[petegz28]

While the special effects are fucking awesome in all 3 prequels, the acting and dialogue sucked major asshole

[The_Doctor10]

In my opinion, the originals hold up because of the story. The three-part story arc concept was amazing. A big problem with the prequels was the shitty story. Also, the inclusion of characters such as Jango Fett, along with the fact that friggin Darth Vader built C-3PO completely shrank the universe.

The story makes absolutely no sense. I don't know if you've seen the RedLetterMedia review on youtube, but it's so entirely perfect in its summary of everything wrong with the prequels.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FxKtZmQgxrI

[CrazyPhuD]

Repost!

[petegz28]

Key note where they ****ed up between the orginial Star Wars and the prequels...

Star Wars: Ben Kenobi has no ****ing idea who C-3PO and R2-D2 are. Nevermind they are fighting side by side with him in Star Wars I,II and III.

Big time gap in that storyline there.

[petegz28]

As far as the story line goes in the prequels, I thought it was fine. It was just the acting that fucked it all up.

[Crush]

The story makes absolutely no sense. I don't know if you've seen the RedLetterMedia review on youtube, but it's so entirely perfect in its summary of everything wrong with the prequels.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FxKtZmQgxrI


Rep for mentioning RedLetterMedia. I still have to get around watching his Attack of the Clones review.

[blaise]

I rewatched all three prequels about a month ago and they are indeed worse than I remember. Especially the second one. It's comically bad. No drama, you want to care about the characters but you really just don't give a fack. You're just plodding along out of some strange duty to your past and the way you remember the first three. Star Wars, Empire and Return of the Jedi were fun and interesting. The prequels were like sitting through a boring lecture.

[blaise]

As far as the story line goes in the prequels, I thought it was fine. It was just the acting that ****ed it all up.

The dialogue was crap. If you ever watch it again think about the lines they're saying. Some of them are so corny the greatest actors alive couldn't do anything with them.

[Param]

star wars suck, it's all about star trek.

[Pablo]

Never watched more than 5 minutes of any Star Wars. I don't think I'm missing much.

[blaise]

star wars suck, it's all about star trek.

Star Trek is ok, but their weapons are kind of gay.

[Garcia Bronco]

I think they are all great movies, and not that it's to brag about, but I know more about Star Wars than anyone on this forum. :p

[Param]

Star Trek is ok, but their weapons are kind of gay.

enterprise would blow everything into oblivion in star wars.

:D

[blaise]

enterprise would blow everything into oblivion in star wars.

:D

Not with Picard at the helm. He'd be busy vexing over the Prime Directive while Vader unloaded on him.

[Garcia Bronco]

enterprise would blow everything into oblivion in star wars.

:D

Not even close. Don't get me wrong. Star Trek is awesome, but they'd get killed in the Star Wars Universe.

[MoreLemonPledge]

Never watched more than 5 minutes of any Star Wars. I don't think I'm missing much.

Watch Empire Strikes Back. It's really a fantastic movie in its own right.

[Rain Man]

I rewatched all three prequels about a month ago and they are indeed worse than I remember. Especially the second one. It's comically bad. No drama, you want to care about the characters but you really just don't give a fack. You're just plodding along out of some strange duty to your past and the way you remember the first three. Star Wars, Empire and Return of the Jedi were fun and interesting. The prequels were like sitting through a boring lecture.


You nailed it. Right on the head.

I loved the first three movies, especially the two that didn't have the Ewoks. The fourth left me nostalgic for the first three, and the fifth one was so appallingly bad that I never even watched the sixth one. If a fortuneteller had told me in 1980 that I would not even bother to watch a Star Wars movie, I would've killed her with crystal ball shards.

[Tombstone RJ]

Key note where they ****ed up between the orginial Star Wars and the prequels...

Star Wars: Ben Kenobi has no ****ing idea who C-3PO and R2-D2 are. Nevermind they are fighting side by side with him in Star Wars I,II and III.

Big time gap in that storyline there.

Wow, that's right... the prequals just fail on many levels. It's like Lucas couldn't figure out how to put everything together... hey George, here's an idea, hire a good writer and bring in some outside help for the story line. It's not like you can't pay top dollar for the best writers to help you out or anything...

[DBOSHO]

"i i i cant hold on any longer, i im too weak"

lol theres also a face he makes while fighting windu by the big windows that kill the entire movie.

When he also gives the speech to anakin about how the force is strong in him when he turns is extremely funny. I was cracking up in the theatres.

[Ebolapox]

yeah, there was a LOT of unintentional humor in those.

[Taco John]

The book was incredible. After reading the book, I got a true appreciation for how bad the movie was directed. Whatever you think about the movie, the book absolutely rescues it thanks to tremendous writing by Matthew Stover.

[Ebolapox]

The book was incredible. After reading the book, I got a true appreciation for how bad the movie was directed. Whatever you think about the movie, the book absolutely rescues it thanks to tremendous writing by Matthew Stover.

repost. however, you are absolutely correct.

[Taco John]

If the book is better than the movie, and the movie wasn't a book beforehand, then somebody made a shit film :P

You're right, but the book is still worthy.

[Tombstone RJ]

Who really cares about where C3-PO and R2-D2 come from... why does it matter? Their characters stand on their own without the prequal, no?

Now I have just one more reason not to like the prequals...

[Ebolapox]

Who really cares about where C3-PO and R2-D2 come from... why does it matter? Their characters stand on their own without the prequal, no?

Now I have just one more reason not to like the prequals...

yeah, that part was disconcerting. it was way too fucking pat, like whoever wrote the fucking scripts (I know lucas did some of the writing) went way out of their way to say "wow, yeah, we should put this here hahahahahaha, like a big fucking puzzle."

fuck them anyway. sometimes things don't have to all fit together, not everything has to be inner-connected. another of the things that pissed me off?

after order 66, when yoda survived: he's about to leave the planet, and says goodbye to two wookies. one of which just HAPPENS to be chewbacca. FUCKING SERIOUSLY? HE JUST HAPPENS TO KNOW CHEWBACCA BACK THEN AND SAYS GOODBYE TO HIM ON SCREEN? FUCK YOU GEORGE LUCAS.

[007]

Yeah, my kids still like to watch the prequels and every time I take the time to watch I wonder to myself why I purchased the DVDs at all.

[T-post Tom]

yeah, that part was disconcerting. it was way too ****ing pat, like whoever wrote the ****ing scripts (I know lucas did some of the writing) went way out of their way to say "wow, yeah, we should put this here hahahahahaha, like a big ****ing puzzle."

**** them anyway. sometimes things don't have to all fit together, not everything has to be inner-connected. another of the things that pissed me off?

after order 66, when yoda survived: he's about to leave the planet, and says goodbye to two wookies. one of which just HAPPENS to be chewbacca. ****ING SERIOUSLY? HE JUST HAPPENS TO KNOW CHEWBACCA BACK THEN AND SAYS GOODBYE TO HIM ON SCREEN? **** YOU GEORGE LUCAS.

You know what else is a puzzle? That I can only reach orgasm if my partner is dressed as an 18 year old member of a Japanese girl band. Maybe it's the plaid skirt & the socks...


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[007]

yeah, that part was disconcerting. it was way too ****ing pat, like whoever wrote the ****ing scripts (I know lucas did some of the writing) went way out of their way to say "wow, yeah, we should put this here hahahahahaha, like a big ****ing puzzle."

**** them anyway. sometimes things don't have to all fit together, not everything has to be inner-connected. another of the things that pissed me off?

after order 66, when yoda survived: he's about to leave the planet, and says goodbye to two wookies. one of which just HAPPENS to be chewbacca. ****ING SERIOUSLY? HE JUST HAPPENS TO KNOW CHEWBACCA BACK THEN AND SAYS GOODBYE TO HIM ON SCREEN? **** YOU GEORGE LUCAS.Fuck George Lucas for insisting on directing the prequels at all, much less writing them and then trying to tell us he wrote them all back in the 70's. BFS!!!!

[Ebolapox]

You know what else is a puzzle? That I can only reach orgasm if my partner is dressed as an 18 year member of a Japanese girl band. Maybe it's the plaid skirt & the socks...


ROFL

she's gotta be wearing pigtails too, with long socks (preferably with saddle shoes).

with the face of betty white. fuck yeah, mang. I just got wood.

[T-post Tom]

ROFL

she's gotta be wearing pigtails too, with long socks (preferably with saddle shoes).

with the face of betty white. **** yeah, mang. I just got wood.

You sir, are a fine American.

[Kyle DeLexus]

Fucking spoiler.....this whole thread is a spoiler! How about a damn warning in the thread title.

[Taco John]

You know what else is a puzzle? That I can only reach orgasm if my partner is dressed as an 18 year old member of a Japanese girl band. Maybe it's the plaid skirt & the socks...


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Those girls need to be careful with all that gear in the rain. Somebody's going to get hurt.

[T-post Tom]

Those girls need to be careful with all that gear in the rain. Somebody's going to get hurt.

I already did. Ligament damage.

[InChiefsHeaven]

That was the best waste of 2+ hours ever...better than watching the actual movies. I never understood why they bothered me so much until now...

[Crush]

Not with Picard at the helm. He'd be busy vexing over the Prime Directive while Vader unloaded on him.


Now, are we talking about tv-series Picard or movie Picard? The difference is night and day.

TV-series Picard would try to negotiate with Vader. Movie Picard would just shoot first and ask questions later.

It never occurred to me, until I watched RedLetterMedia's Star Trek reviews.

[el borracho]

I wrote better Star Wars stories when I was 11 years old, playing with action figures.


And do you know what else really sucked? That abomination of a movie that was the last Indiana Jones installment.

[alpha_omega]

It appears that the Force is NOT with us!

[InChiefsHeaven]

I wrote better Star Wars stories when I was 11 years old, playing with action figures.


And do you know what else really sucked? That abomination of a movie that was the last Indiana Jones installment.

Yeah, I wonder if he has a review of that, or if it's just too painful to say it...

[The_Doctor10]

Yeah, I wonder if he has a review of that, or if it's just too painful to say it...

<embed src="http://blip.tv/play/AYKYsh8C" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="480" height="299" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true"></embed>


<embed src="http://blip.tv/play/AYKYvXYC" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="480" height="299" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true"></embed>

<embed src="http://blip.tv/play/AYKYuUQC" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="480" height="299" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true"></embed>


At long last, we finally get the RLM review of this abortion of a film. Almost 100 minutes of WIN.

[Baby Lee]

Good news

http://www.avclub.com/articles/buy-the-star-wars-saga-all-over-again-in-september,49748/

[Taco John]

The book was awesome. Very well worth the read for any Starwars fan. It's seriously a great book.

[Amnorix]

that friggin Darth Vader built C-3PO completely shrank the universe.


ROFL ROFL ROFL

I have seen the movies several times (once when they came out, wanting to rip out my eyeballs after I left) and then again when my kids had them on in the background, but I always manage to forget this most absurd of absurdities.

It's so far beyond retarded.

But nothing passes Attack of the Clones. OMFG.

"So, you're strong in the force?"

"Really? How strong?"

"Well, I dunno, let me take out this little dohickey and measure you....white blood cell count ......yeah, yeah....oh wow, you've got like a Force Rating of like 947. That's like eighteen points higher than Yoda himself. Man, you are the FORCE of the Force guys."

"Is my Force bigger than yours?"

Hangs head. *sniff* "Your Force is so amazing that Natalie Portman will boink you even though you have the personality of a complete turd and are obviously emotionally unstable and on some kind of insane power-trip when she does."

"Cool, my Force rocks!"

Dear God. What happened to "in the rock, the tree, it surrounds us, penetrates us, and binds us."

Now it's in a blood count. JFC.

[Amnorix]

I rewatched all three prequels about a month ago and they are indeed worse than I remember. Especially the second one. It's comically bad. No drama, you want to care about the characters but you really just don't give a fack. You're just plodding along out of some strange duty to your past and the way you remember the first three. Star Wars, Empire and Return of the Jedi were fun and interesting. The prequels were like sitting through a boring lecture.

I remember the scene when they're in some factory, ducking and jumping around molten lava, and all I could think was "they needed a scene to include in the video game relating ot the movie".

If there was another purpose for that scene -- I think it was in the 2nd movie but I'm not sure -- then I have never known what it was. It was stupid, unrelated to what needed to happen, a time-waster, lacked dramatic tension -- just a complete failure on all levels except adding it to a video game...

[pr_capone]

http://img696.imageshack.us/img696/3816/sstarwars.png

[Donger]

I've always found it funny when adults who were kids when IV, V and VI came out got all upset when I, II and III were introduced.

"WTF!! These are kids' movies!!!"

LMAO

Yes, they are, and so were the first three.

[Bowser]

I've always found it funny when adults who were kids when IV, V and VI came out got all upset when I, II and III were introduced.

"WTF!! These are kids' movies!!!"

LMAO

Yes, they are, and so were the first three.

Gotta disagree. They didn't go full on kids movies until he brought in the gerbils in Return of the Jedi. Darth Lucas should have stayed with the battle of Endor taking place on the Wookie home planet. Empire was definitely NOT a kids movie.

The "prequels" though..... yes.

[Donger]

Gotta disagree. They didn't go full on kids movies until he brought in the gerbils in Return of the Jedi. Darth Lucas should have stayed with the battle of Endor taking place on the Wookie home planet. Empire was definitely NOT a kids movie.

The "prequels" though..... yes.

Cool, I got the right bait.

[Bowser]

Cool, I got the right bait.

:facepalm:

[Donger]

:facepalm:

LMAO

[Amnorix]

Cool, I got the right bait.


ROFL

[Baby Lee]

Gotta disagree. They didn't go full on kids movies until he brought in the gerbils in Return of the Jedi. Darth Lucas should have stayed with the battle of Endor taking place on the Wookie home planet. Empire was definitely NOT a kids movie.

The "prequels" though..... yes.

Wasn't sure who I was picturing as I read that, but it was ONE of the three guys.

http://images.starpulse.com/Photos/Previews/Patton-Oswalt-cc03.jpg

[Ebolapox]

revenge of the shit: the all-anal finale.

[pr_capone]

Wasn't sure who I was picturing as I read that, but it was ONE of the three guys.

http://images.starpulse.com/Photos/Previews/Patton-Oswalt-cc03.jpg

Who is the chick Patton is butt sexing in the pic?

[Baby Lee]

Who is the chick Patton is butt sexing in the pic?

Not sure, but if I had to wager a guess, it'd be Maria Bamford.

this link suggests I'm right.

http://larryfire.wordpress.com/2008/07/23/the-comedians-of-comedy-final-show/

[Discuss Thrower]

The book was awesome. Very well worth the read for any Starwars fan. It's seriously a great book.

Therein lies a very major problem with the Star Wars franchise: the best stuff has come from people besides Lucas. I'm thinking mainly of KOTOR here.

[The_Doctor10]

Gotta disagree. They didn't go full on kids movies until he brought in the gerbils in Return of the Jedi. Darth Lucas should have stayed with the battle of Endor taking place on the Wookie home planet. Empire was definitely NOT a kids movie.

The "prequels" though..... yes.

Yes, because kids movies feature boring political dialogue, rape, prison camps, slavery, decapitation, genocide, forced amputation, mass murder from the lead character, the murder of children and un-armed non-combatants, assassination attempts etc

All of those things point to it being a 'kid's movie'.

Star Wars was always an adventure series that appealed to all ages. Now, only a retarded 7-year old on ADD meds could like this pieces of shit.

[Donger]

Yes, because kids movies feature boring political dialogue, rape, prison camps, slavery, decapitation, genocide, forced amputation, mass murder from the lead character, the murder of children and un-armed non-combatants, assassination attempts etc

All of those things point to it being a 'kid's movie'.

Star Wars was always an adventure series that appealed to all ages. Now, only a retarded 7-year old on ADD meds could like this pieces of shit.

Rape?

[The_Doctor10]

Rape?

Anakin's mom is raped by the sand people. At least it's very much implied that's what happened, and why she's still alive a month after being captured.

[Donger]

Anakin's mom is raped by the sand people. At least it's very much implied that's what happened, and why she's still alive a month after being captured.

That never even occurred to me. Do you know if the Sand People even have penises?

[Baby Lee]

That never even occurred to me. Do you know if the Sand People even have penises?

They don't call 'em Tusken Raiders for nothin'

[Over-Head]

Anakin's mom is raped by the sand people. At least it's very much implied that's what happened, and why she's still alive a month after being captured.
Ever see a female "sandperson"??
Think about it :hump:

[blaise]

You can't fault the Sand People. Society is to blame.

[Fish]

Sand People are simply misunderstood....

[Baby Lee]

You can't fault the Sand People. Society is to blame.

Hide yo yoda, hide yo robots, hide yo sister you have a crush on.

[blaise]

I was one of the first to try and get the Empire's Literacy for Sandpeople program started.

[Baby Lee]

I was one of the first to try and get the Empire's Literacy for Sandpeople program started.

We need to get in there and spread the Wamp Rats around.

[Donger]

It's a good thing that Obi-Wan showed up or Luke probably would have ended up as that evening's entertainment.

[Donger]

Did anyone else find the Jawas kind of cute?

[blaise]

I wonder if they used Stormtroopers or robots to clean the toilets on the Death Star.

[blaise]

Did anyone else find the Jawas kind of cute?

I would like to see if I could fight like 7 or 8 at once.

[Ming the Merciless]

unleash the furry

http://cdn0.mattters.com/photos/photos/1913973/PrepareYourAnus.jpg

[Baby Lee]

unleash the furry

http://cdn0.mattters.com/photos/photos/1913973/PrepareYourAnus.jpg

Cannot be overseen

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[Demonpenz]

I am not going to make a thread, but the last Star Wars episode on Robot Chicken was epic. Funny on so many levels.

[CoMoChief]

Here's a hilarious rant of the movie from Maddox's blog site.

Titled "Star Wars Episode III: A Steaming Pile of Sith"

http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=episode3

http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/images/ep3_tot3.gif
I didn't think it was possible to be more unimpressed with Star Wars. Today, I stand corrected. If you were unfortunate enough to hear your stupid co-workers yammering on about Lucas' latest shit burger, you might have heard them saying something like "I didn't like the first two, but this one was good!" When I ask why, these people have trouble responding because it's hard to talk with George Lucas' flaccid penis in their collective mouths. Perhaps the question I should be asking is "why didn't you like the other two movies if you liked this one?" Nothing has changed. You have the same vacant-looking actors running around, aimlessly bumping into things, an army of stupid, sensitive robots, and dialogue clumsy enough to warrant putting a handicap sticker on George Lucas' car.

To Lucas' credit, he was tacitly shamed into not giving Jar Jar any talking lines in this movie. With Jar Jar's character no longer speaking to annoy you, Lucas filled the void by giving every robot in the movie stupid toy noises. So instead of doing something cool like having the robots chase after screaming children, they bitch and moan and say things like "ow" when they get their prosthetic limbs chopped off. Even worse are the idiots who scarf down these sub-childish morsels of comedic relief, playing into Lucas' shallow theatrics so easily that you could sell these people hookers in a vagina storm.

Before I go on, I have to address something that all you stupid Star Wars nerds are probably thinking right about now: "But Maddox, it's a movie made for kids, what do you expect?!" Even Lucas stated in an interview with the BBC that:

"The movies are for children but [the fans] don't want to admit that."

Oh really? It just so happens that this "children's movie" has a scene where a guy gets his hands chopped off, a graphic decapitation, the wanton slaughter of children (the highlight of any movie), and the coolest scene in any space action movie starring Ewan McGregor: Anakin getting his legs chopped off as his stumps catch fire while his face melts. By the way, if you haven't seen this movie yet, don't read the previous sentence.

The most damning thing about this epic waste of time is the piecemeal plot thatched together with just enough good will and nostalgia to pacify the average idiot (i.e., you). Besides all the jedis in the movie being morons who are unable to detect conspiracies involving the cooperation of thousands of soldiers, Lucas does his best to make this movie extra insulting to our intelligence:
http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/images/ep3_tot1.gif
Senator Palpatine seduces Anakin to the dark side in about as much time as it takes for you to finish reading this sentence. Nevermind the fact that Anakin knows Palpatine is a Sith lord before accepting his offer, or that Sith lords are known for doing things like, oh.. I don't know, KILLING MILLIONS OF PEOPLE. Anakin is on a mission to save his wife, Padme, from certain death! Or at least likely death. Okay, it was a dream. But it seemed pretty real during the flashback sequence, so Anakin has no reason not to believe this dream will come true, as is the tendency of dreams.

Near the end, Lucas takes a shit on the script and makes his crew translate it into an ending that putters across the finish line. The product is a scene where Anakin tries to literally choke Padme using the force:
http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/images/ep3_tot2.gif
Yes, that's right. The entire reason Anakin switched to the dark side becomes unraveled when he tries to kill Padme, who was the reason he switched to the dark side to begin with. Oops! Of course, Star Wars apologists will try to point out that Anakin was already under the influence of the "dark side" at this point. So that's why the first thing he asks as Darth Vader is whether Padme is safe, right you morons?

Even after pointing out these serious problems with the plot, Star Wars nerds will still try to get you to admit one thing: "you have to admit that the special effects were good, right?"

NEWS FLASH: Episode III had no special effects.

They're not "special effects" anymore when they're found in EVERY SCENE. Lucas has done the seemingly impossible: he has made something that was once so unique that people called it "special" by name, and turned it into something so ordinary that nobody raises an eyebrow during a scene where a guy is having a sword fight on the back of a giant beast. By the way, I have to admit that the creature design was very creative in this episode; modeled after frilled lizards and ticks, Lucas tapped the well of innovation dry on this one. Congratulations Lucas, we don't care about "special" effects anymore.

Speaking of, that reminds me of the character "General Grievous" a bad guy so sinister, his very name stands for PAIN AND SUFFERING. Nice job assholes. Tired of thinking up awesome names like "Lord Dooku" and "Nute Gunray" for your bad guys? Why not just call all your characters "Evil" and "Bad" next time? All Grievous needed was a monocle, and a large black moustache that he could twirl as he cackled "I'll get you, if it's the last thing I do!" Ditch this bullshit.

Little Unknown Fact: 2,712,560 dipshits camped out in line for this movie only to realize that it sucks like the other 5.

[Bowser]

:LOL:

[Donger]

Did we ever find out who Anakin's father was? Please don't shame me if this question has been answered previously.

[ziggysocki]

What about the screwed up timeline? Has this been mentioned? When Luke and Leia were born Obi Wan is 40 at most.... When Luke is maybe 20, "Old Ben" is at least 70. And everyone forgot about the Jedi order in 20 years..... Even Solo, who was pretty worldly - not a desert hick like Luke. Just terrible continuity all around.

[threebag]

Revenge of the Shit was a Sith film.

[ziggysocki]

Did we ever find out who Anakin's father was? Please don't shame me if this question has been answered previously.

It is implied that he could have been a child of the force itself --- immaculate conception theme smell all over it.

[Baby Lee]

Reminds me of Adam Savage talking about the ILM guys looking for pointers of how to model Yoda for his big fight scene. Not having a fleet and powerful Yoda to deal with before, they were anxious to see how Lucas envisioned him as a fighter. They get the script from Lucas and it says, simply 'Yoda fights in a manner that is indescribable.'

[Bowser]

I was Anakin's father. It was 2 am in that shit bar in Mos Eisley, and Miss America wasn't walking through the door. Sue me.

[JD10367]

Yes, there was rape involved in the prequels. I was raped of my ticket-price money.

The only redeeming quality of the prequels was Natalie Portman in tight white leather. I think that was at the end of "Clones".

[JD10367]

You can't fault the Sand People. Society is to blame.

At least those Stormtroopers in the land skimmer took that video of the Sandperson with the golden pipes and uploaded it to the Empirenet. That was a great break for him.

[Donger]

It is implied that he could have been a child of the force itself --- immaculate conception theme smell all over it.

Refilm!

[Amnorix]

It is implied that he could have been a child of the force itself --- immaculate conception theme smell all over it.

It wasn't implied, it was flat out stated. Another reason the prequels are a joke.

[Amnorix]

I admit that I also assumed that Anakin's mother had been raped etc.

[blaise]

At least those Stormtroopers in the land skimmer took that video of the Sandperson with the golden pipes and uploaded it to the Empirenet. That was a great break for him.

That was a heartwarming story. I heard he ended up back on the crack pipe though

[JD10367]

That was a heartwarming story. I heard he ended up back on the crack pipe though

Begging for change outside the Mos Eisley Cantina on Tattoine, probably.