Marriage problems: First one to mention Anti-freeze wins

[Huffman83]

So....the wife is taking her 15 minute breather from a big fight in reference to finances. For the past 3 years, I've been the "bread winner." as in I pay the bills, buy dinner, entertainment...etc.

She has a lot of student loan dept that I was already aware of. However, some things I was not aware of initially was how much credit card debt she had due to her charging random shit to her credit card while she was a student.

Therefore I'm lucky to get $250 bucks a month from her in order to pay bills.

Between mortgage, insurance, utilities, entertainment, (cable,internet etc.) cell/phone bills. 58% of my earnings goes towards house bills. Not to mention food, gas and my own personal debt.

The wife gets a new job and is making more money. COOL!!!! Initially she states she'll be able to give me double of what she can. I'm still paying 45% of my monthly income. While she is only paying aprox 36 % of the bills. That's $500 bucks if you're still following.

I've been broke and barely able to make ends meet...and when the wife asks me to only give me $400 a month to help w/ bills and then we can start having kids in 2012. And I say no...that's bullshit, I'm at my wits end.

I'm still the asshole aren't I? :facepalm:

[Reerun_KC]

WTF?

This is very strange?

We put all the money in one account, pay the bills and what ever is left we either save or do fun stuff with...

[Huffman83]

It is...?

[Frazod]

One of my best friends has a marriage like this, where he and his wife bicker and argue about who pays what percentage of what like they're college roommates. I don't get it.

My money is our money. My wife's money is our money. It goes in one big pot, and everything gets paid/saved/whatever out of it.

[Huffman83]

Ok...so there's more to the story that I just can't think of telling....FML.

[DeezNutz]

WTF?

This is very strange?

We put all the money in one account, pay the bills and what ever is left we either save or do fun stuff with...

Yep.

I don't understand separate accounts in a marriage. It's "we." Nothing else. No "her money," and no "my money."

Recipe for disaster, IMO.

[Reerun_KC]

It is...?


Yep......

[KC Jones]

Adopt the Dave Ramsey plan. That way your aren't the asshole - Dave Ramsey is. You're just following a program to get out of debt and build for a retirement.

[DaFace]

I know it doesn't work for everyone, but my wife and I have our finances completely combined. That gets rid of issues like that, but you have to commit to making all of your financial decisions together, and that means letting the other make purchases you think are completely stupid on occasion. Tough to do at times, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

[Reerun_KC]

Yep.

I don't understand separate accounts in a marriage. It's "we." Nothing else. No "her money" no "my money."

Recipe for disaster, IMO.

opens the floor for the arguement of your not paying enough around here... Or I paid this and did this, which didnt leave me any money, while you didnt pay this or that...


Nah, not worth it... We both deposit our checks in every friday, Pay the bills and then enjoy what little is left over....

[Reerun_KC]

Adopt the Dave Ramsey plan. That way your aren't the asshole - Dave Ramsey is. You're just following a program to get out of debt and build for a retirement.

Yep good call...

[DJ's left nut]

Wait...what?

You better get a hell of a lot better handle on the concept of a joint venture if you're at all interested in this thing lasting for too much longer.

My wife and I pool all of our money together. Bills get paid from the joint account. We have expenses that are 'me' expenses (beer, poker nights, etc...) and we have expenses that are hers (church donations, 'female things', etc...). But we have an understanding that these are just things we get because we can. There's give and take involved but that's what we call a 'healthy marriage' around these parts...

It sounds to me like you're making this way too damn complicated. Then again, I think if you all get a joint account, you'll just end up arguing over who should get the most 'personal expenses' because of your respective contributions to said account.

Y'know what? Forget I said anything. It suffices to say that I think you all have some serious shit to sort out that goes well beyond $400/mo vs. $500/mo and that I hope you seriously re-think having children in the near future. At this point you're only ****ing up your own lives...

[Huffman83]

The thing that got me though...was things being said that implied that I wasn't being supportive of her getting rid of debt. That's what turned the whole thing south.

[Frazod]

The thing that got me though...was things being said that implied that I wasn't being supportive of her getting rid of debt. That's what turned the whole thing south.

You should immediately demand a joint account and a blowjob. Show her who's in charge! :grr:

[Reerun_KC]

Put it all in one account. Pay the bills, give each a person the same amount as a bill each month..

that is your play money and her play money, the rest is bill money...

[Ebolapox]

antifreeze.

[DaFace]

Personal opinion: more than the whole "separate bank accounts" thing - it's really weird to me that you don't know what her debt levels are. Even if you keep your finances separate, you should at least have a say in her financial future.

I guess I don't know for sure, but that seems REALLY weird for a married couple to me.

[Huffman83]

You should immediately demand a joint account and a blowjob. Show her who's in charge! :grr:

I like you....I don't know why....but you're special.

[Huffman83]

antifreeze.

ding ding ding ding!!!!

You win.

[Huffman83]

Personal opinion: more than the whole "separate bank accounts" thing - it's really weird to me that you don't know what her debt levels are. Even if you keep your finances separate, you should at least have a say in her financial future.

I guess I don't know for sure, but that seems REALLY weird for a married couple to me.

I was aware of the student/car loans she had. But had no idea about the credit card debt being as steep as it was. It was omitted.

[Ugly Duck]

It sounds to me like you're making this way too damn complicated. Then again, I think if you all get a joint account, you'll just end up arguing over who should get the most 'personal expenses' because of your respective contributions to said account.

Or... Pool the income, pay the bills, put some away & then figure out a reasonable amount of "disposable" dough. Split the "disposable" in half & dole it out in cash... no more credit cards. Can't get in trouble that way & there'll be nothing to argue about. Well... at least no more arguing about money...

[notorious]

We have expenses that are 'me' expenses (beer, poker nights, etc...) and we have expenses that are hers (church donations, 'female things', etc...).




This is full of WIN.

[damaticous]

Reminds me of my EX wife.

She'd get signature/payday loans, credit cards, and even steal random checks from our check book (after I locked it up she still went and got counter checks).

The first time my father had to help us was about $1200 to get us out of the hole in our checking account. The next time he had to help us it was over $4000.

So, I had to borrow around $5200 from my dad just to pay off bad checks (the ones she was stealing), she KEPT getting signature loans and credit cards, all on top of her very large Student loans and pre-marriage Credit Cards.

Bye-Bye. After 4 1/2 years of marriage and 9 years together, I couldn't take that along with her diagnosis of Bi-polar, and other mental illnesses.

hey I was young and so was she. no kids no loss.

To this day I have always kept my finances separate from any girlfriend I've had.

I've been dating my current girlfriend for 5 years, she's lived in my house for 3. We have separate accounts. I pay for everything....sometimes she helps with the phone or satellite bill if she can. we split food.

It doesn't bother me. I am in a position that I can afford to pay for everything. She has two daughters that her and her ex husband are paying for college out of their pockets. I feel I help by paying for everything else.

we have already discussed if we live together much longer here is what we are going to do.


1. Get a joint account.
2. manually deposit money in the joint account to pay for bills (mortgage, utilities)
3. she has her "other bills" like car payment, fun money, etc. that she uses her own checking account for.
4. I have my "other bills' like car payment, fun money, etc that I use my own checking account for.

This way, in the future, we will both pay for bills, but get to keep our own money for our own things.

[Gracie Dean]

Best thing hubby and I ever did was separate checkbooks (we are both on both) and split up the bills according to our take home leaving us both with extra money.

If we mess up our piece of the bills, we only have ourselves to kick...

It has totally eliminated any fights about money and neither one feels that they have to be in "control of the checkbook"

We still work together, but we both have responsibilities. For example, He pays the car payment and insurance...I pay the mortgage

[notorious]

We have separate accounts. I pay for everything....

It doesn't bother me. I am in a position that I can afford to pay for everything.



1. Get a joint account.
2. manually deposit money in the joint account to pay for bills (mortgage, utilities)
3. she has her "other bills" like car payment, fun money, etc. that she uses her own checking account for.
4. I have my "other bills' like car payment, fun money, etc that I use my own checking account for.

This way, in the future, we will both pay for bills, but get to keep our own money for our own things.



This.


I own two businesses (used to be three) and the only way my wife and I keep things on the up and up is if I pay for everything and let her throw in when she wants to.

She is finanically responsible, though. Never had much, but she never spends like she wants much. Pretty sweet, and she has a nice rack to boot. :)

[tmax63]

I and the war department had separate accounts for the first couple of years when we started living together but once we figured out we were both in it for the long haul we got joint accounts along with our own and now it is basically throw it in the pot and take out what you need. We talk about most purchases over $100 (except groceries) and we're good as long as I bring her home a vanilla coke a couple of times a week. What can I say, I got a good one.

[Frazod]

This.


I own two businesses (used to be three) and the only way my wife and I keep things on the up and up is if I pay for everything and let her throw in when she wants to.

She is finanically responsible, though. Never had much, but she never spends like she wants much. Pretty sweet, and she has a nice rack to boot. :)

This post is worthless without pictures!

[Amnorix]

WTF?

This is very strange?

We put all the money in one account, pay the bills and what ever is left we either save or do fun stuff with...

Actually, I think your way (which is also mine) is old school, and alot more people do it the way Huffman describes.

[Amnorix]

The thing that got me though...was things being said that implied that I wasn't being supportive of her getting rid of debt. That's what turned the whole thing south.

Part of the issue is that you're not thinking like a married couple. That her debt is HER debt. That your income is YOUR income.

Recipe for disaster IMHO.

I'll read through everyone else's posts then make a suggestion that you guys are 99% not likely to adopt, but whatever.

[el borracho]

IMO, it doesn't matter which way you choose as long as you both agree to do it that way and stick to doing it that way.

[DJ's left nut]

Actually, I think your way (which is also mine) is old school, and alot more people do it the way Huffman describes.

Sometimes Women's Lib is really Fing stupid. I swear that's the root of this whole stupid thing.

There's nothing individual about a marriage when it gets right down to it. If you're out there spending money on things against your wife's will just because it's in 'your' account, the marriage is probably not long for this earth anyway.

I just see absolutely no utility in individual accounts. Work together on your expenses and there's just no reason why both parties can't still get their own stuff and have their own nights out with friends, etc... without resorting to something as juvenile as separate accounts.

It's like when I would put pencils across the car seat as a child so my sister didn't get on 'my side' of the seat. Nut up and work together.

[Frazod]

One other thing to think about - if you end up getting divorced, her fucking lawyer damn sure won't see it as "my money" and "her money."

[Hootie]

I don't know what it is...

but a girlfriend is always a strain on me because I have "big man" complex and pay for EVERYTHING...

[DaFace]

I really have no idea what the answer would be, but I find myself being intensely curious about the answer is to the following question:

How do divorce rates compare between couples who use joint bank accounts and those who use separate accounts?

It would be a fascinating thing to know.

[notorious]

I really have no idea what the answer would be, but I find myself being intensely curious about the answer is to the following question:

How do divorce rates compare between couples who use joint bank accounts and those who use separate accounts?

It would be a fascinating thing to know.

I heard that money is the number 1 reason for divorce or marriage problems.

[DaFace]

I heard that money is the number 1 reason for divorce or marriage problems.

Yeah, that's why I am curious. I've heard that as well, so it would be very interesting to know if one approach or the other yields better results (on average).

[Iowanian]

I think this issue isn't as much about money as it is trust. Trust and Respect come from honesty and are the key building blocks for success in this area IMO.

I don't really care what those that think that you should only have 1 account. There are good reasons to have separate accounts, but even when you do, its community money. We have online access, exchange pins etc....The bills are paid out of both accounts based on income, but if one would get short, the other mentions it, and transfers some greenbacks.

If you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to hide.

I'm lucky to have a fiscally responsible and conservative wife, we both know the important bills come first, secondary bills and then fun.

My advice is, if you're upset, walk away for a while....Both of you calm down, come to the table later to discuss your issues as rationally as possible and find a workable solution. Good luck.

[Amnorix]

Well, certainly some wisdom in this thread already. El Borracho's point is certainly true. Noswad's system works if it works for you, though it's not one I'd recommend.

Here's the thing, in my opinion -- poll after poll shows that married couples fight as much or more about money than anything else in their relationship. Fights over money cause tremendous stress on a marriage, and can be one way the two partners are engaging in what is fundamentally a power struggle. It can also reflect a mentality of having one foot out the door which I think is very counterproductive to a successful marriage.

The first thing that needs to happen is full faith and trust in each other. Lay it all out there. You're married now, so if it's going to work, you need to have full disclosure on both sides. Here's what I make, here's what you make. Here are my deductions and here's my take home.

Then run through the debt. This is what I owe to whom.

Then run through the unavoidable monthly expenses. Figure out what are common to both of you (rent/mortgage, electrical, gas/heat, etc.).

I would recommend a common plan to pool the funds, and attack the debt as fast as possible, especially the CC debt which is a complete killer with the 18% interest or whatever. If you are paying interest, then use CC games to transfer balances if you're confident you can pay attention to the details and not get murdered.

Oh, and make a pact -- until all the CCs of both parties are paid, you cut up your cards. Can't use them. Cash only.

Once you are BOTH out of hock, you'll both be relieved of alot of stress.

At a more 30,000 foot level, I'd suggest adopting Ugly Duck's plan.

Or... Pool the income, pay the bills, put some away & then figure out a reasonable amount of "disposable" dough. Split the "disposable" in half & dole it out in cash... no more credit cards. Can't get in trouble that way & there'll be nothing to argue about. Well... at least no more arguing about money...

Your current system to me is one I would call "recipe for divorce."

[notorious]

Yeah, that's why I am curious. I've heard that as well, so it would be very interesting to know if one approach or the other yields better results (on average).

This has "Government Research Grant" written all over it.


I am very curious as well. I believe that there is always a common root cause to every/any result, no matter what it might be.

[Amnorix]

One other thing to think about - if you end up getting divorced, her fucking lawyer damn sure won't see it as "my money" and "her money."

QFT.

[notorious]

I'm lucky to have a fiscally responsible and conservative wife




It's great, isn't it! :)

[Pablo]

I don't know what it is...

but a girlfriend is always a strain on me because I have "big man" complex and pay for EVERYTHING...I've been that way before. Not again.

The next one I get hooked up with is going to make more money than me. And we'll go from there. Not to say I want to free ride on my g/f's back, but I'll never have the "big man" complex again in life.

[Amnorix]

Sometimes Women's Lib is really Fing stupid. I swear that's the root of this whole stupid thing.

There's nothing individual about a marriage when it gets right down to it. If you're out there spending money on things against your wife's will just because it's in 'your' account, the marriage is probably not long for this earth anyway.

I just see absolutely no utility in individual accounts. Work together on your expenses and there's just no reason why both parties can't still get their own stuff and have their own nights out with friends, etc... without resorting to something as juvenile as separate accounts.

It's like when I would put pencils across the car seat as a child so my sister didn't get on 'my side' of the seat. Nut up and work together.

I get that some couples have separate bank accounts for their own personal items. If both parties agreed to pool all their money but put a relatively small amount (as a percentage of net income) into their own accounts (presumably an equal amount for both people, regardless of who makes more), so they can buy each other gifts and spend on silly stuff, I get that.

But for the rest, I don't think it's juts women and women's lib who think of my money as mine, and yours as yours. It's a product of high divorce rates as much as anything else.

[Huffman83]

I get that some couples have separate bank accounts for their own personal items. If both parties agreed to pool all their money but put a relatively small amount (as a percentage of net income) into their own accounts (presumably an equal amount for both people, regardless of who makes more), so they can buy each other gifts and spend on silly stuff, I get that.

But for the rest, I don't think it's juts women and women's lib who think of my money as mine, and yours as yours. It's a product of high divorce rates as much as anything else.

I see that as women's lib being responsible for the divorce rate.

[Param]

So....the wife is taking her 15 minute breather from a big fight in reference to finances. For the past 3 years, I've been the "bread winner." as in I pay the bills, buy dinner, entertainment...etc.

She has a lot of student loan dept that I was already aware of. However, some things I was not aware of initially was how much credit card debt she had due to her charging random shit to her credit card while she was a student.

Therefore I'm lucky to get $250 bucks a month from her in order to pay bills.

Between mortgage, insurance, utilities, entertainment, (cable,internet etc.) cell/phone bills. 58% of my earnings goes towards house bills. Not to mention food, gas and my own personal debt.

The wife gets a new job and is making more money. COOL!!!! Initially she states she'll be able to give me double of what she can. I'm still paying 45% of my monthly income. While she is only paying aprox 36 % of the bills. That's $500 bucks if you're still following.

I've been broke and barely able to make ends meet...and when the wife asks me to only give me $400 a month to help w/ bills and then we can start having kids in 2012. And I say no...that's bullshit, I'm at my wits end.

I'm still the asshole aren't I? :facepalm:

Ut oh, you're messing with nesting.

[Huffman83]

Ut oh, you're messing with nesting.

heh....was!

[Mr. Plow]

WTF?

This is very strange?

We put all the money in one account, pay the bills and what ever is left we either save or do fun stuff with...


No shit. What is all this "she gives me money for bills" stuff? You're married. They aren't your bills....or her bills...they are both your bills.

[CoMoChief]

Something tells me that the more money the "money pot" has in it, the more she's going to play with it.....if you catch my drift.

[Just Passin' By]

Get her to cancel all her credit cards, take her check when it comes in, pay her bills for her, and give her an agreed upon amount from each check until the bills are all paid off.

if she gives you some nonsense about not being supportive of her, or about trust, or equality, point out that getting rid of her debt is going to put you into debt, and that she's not being supportive of you if she can't help you avoid that burden.

Frame the debate.

[BigRedChief]

One of my best friends has a marriage like this, where he and his wife bicker and argue about who pays what percentage of what like they're college roommates. I don't get it.

My money is our money. My wife's money is our money. It goes in one big pot, and everything gets paid/saved/whatever out of it.I can't see it working any other way. But for some it works to have seperate accounts.

[Pablo]

1) Take on life insurance policy on said wife.

2) Make sure she has an "accident" sometime this fall.

[Rain Man]

I don't get the separate finance thing, either. You're married and pledged to be with each other forever through thick and thin, in sleet and hail and dark of night, and you plan to raise children together, but you don't share your money? It doesn't make sense to me.

So if one of you loses your job, does that person starve? They can't get food stamps if the other one is working. And would you evict the other person if they can't pay rent?

[DeezNutz]

Get her to cancel all her credit cards, take her check when it comes in, pay her bills for her, and give her an agreed upon amount from each check until the bills are all paid off.

if she gives you some nonsense about not being supportive of her, or about trust, or equality, point out that getting rid of her debt is going to put you into debt, and that she's not being supportive of you if she can't help you avoid that burden.

Frame the debate.

LMAO.

[rwalke10]

That's the way we do it. Dump the majority in a joint acct, and then each of us have our personal accounts we do what we please with. Makes it easy during xmas, b'days, anniversaries, etc., so you can buy something without it showing up and tipping the other one off its coming.

In today's age, with all the BS ya gotta go thru to make a living, knowing you have at least a little 'mad money' for totally discretionary spending makes the week go by a bit better.

But, I agree with others, you should know exactly how much she's out there. That affects not only your liability, but your ability to plan for things like cars, furniture, nice vacations, etc. Not to mention if she should be off work for a few months and her liabilities get dumped into your lap...

[boogblaster]

joint acc.. beer money every weekend .. no kids till 2016 .. new boat with truck to pull it .. blow-job every friday nite after you get home from a nite with the boys ....

[SenselessChiefsFan]

So....the wife is taking her 15 minute breather from a big fight in reference to finances. For the past 3 years, I've been the "bread winner." as in I pay the bills, buy dinner, entertainment...etc.

She has a lot of student loan dept that I was already aware of. However, some things I was not aware of initially was how much credit card debt she had due to her charging random shit to her credit card while she was a student.

Therefore I'm lucky to get $250 bucks a month from her in order to pay bills.

Between mortgage, insurance, utilities, entertainment, (cable,internet etc.) cell/phone bills. 58% of my earnings goes towards house bills. Not to mention food, gas and my own personal debt.

The wife gets a new job and is making more money. COOL!!!! Initially she states she'll be able to give me double of what she can. I'm still paying 45% of my monthly income. While she is only paying aprox 36 % of the bills. That's $500 bucks if you're still following.

I've been broke and barely able to make ends meet...and when the wife asks me to only give me $400 a month to help w/ bills and then we can start having kids in 2012. And I say no...that's bullshit, I'm at my wits end.

I'm still the asshole aren't I? :facepalm:

I have been the breadwinner since we got married. At one point, we had separate accounts. It was stupid.

We have been through a ton together. And, although it is tough sometimes, we put our money in the same checking account, and write out a budget each month. We each get the same amount of spending money, and we pay cash for everything. If we can't pay cash, we don't buy it.

We get along better than we ever have. Before, when I tried to 'reel in' her spending, I was a controlling jerk.

Now, we make those decisions together and set goals. And, we know that foregoing an extra pair of shoes now, will pay off in the long run.

Separate accounts just lead to fights and each of you being possessive over what you earn. The fact is you are married, and it is all half hers anyways.

[joesomebody]

Best thing hubby and I ever did was separate checkbooks (we are both on both) and split up the bills according to our take home leaving us both with extra money.

If we mess up our piece of the bills, we only have ourselves to kick...

It has totally eliminated any fights about money and neither one feels that they have to be in "control of the checkbook"

We still work together, but we both have responsibilities. For example, He pays the car payment and insurance...I pay the mortgageI'm not married, and don't plan on it any time soon, but this is how I would imagine my married life being. I'm far too much of a control freak when it comes to money to allow someone else dipping into my checking account.

I like the idea of a joint account for bills, and then separate accounts for everything else. Or like you said, each party being solely responsible for certain bills.

[DonTellMeShowMe]

my 2 cents and in relation to an old law: keep it separate, but equal

[BWillie]

One of my best friends has a marriage like this, where he and his wife bicker and argue about who pays what percentage of what like they're college roommates. I don't get it.

My money is our money. My wife's money is our money. It goes in one big pot, and everything gets paid/saved/whatever out of it.

Jesus Christ that would suck. Reason #9274 I cannot get married. When you are a Texas, you don't really want to share w/ Baylor. Now, if you are Michigan, then sharing with Ohio State or Penn State isn't a big deal.

[bevischief]

Best thing hubby and I ever did was separate checkbooks (we are both on both) and split up the bills according to our take home leaving us both with extra money.

If we mess up our piece of the bills, we only have ourselves to kick...

It has totally eliminated any fights about money and neither one feels that they have to be in "control of the checkbook"

We still work together, but we both have responsibilities. For example, He pays the car payment and insurance...I pay the mortgage

We do the same. The only thing that is joint is a savings account.
Posted via Mobile Device

[InChiefsHeaven]

I dunno, it amazes me that you had no idea she was like this before you got married...did you guys even talk about this shit?

[Inspector]

Sorry man but it sounds like there may be seem deeper issues about commitment.

You are essentially 1/2 of a whole unit now and if the money is being divided like roomates, then it seems to me that deep down neither of you see's your marriage as a union of 2 to make 1.

Most people I know who do the roommate routine with money don't have a stable marriage or in a few cases, have divorced.

If this is your partner for life, then I'd advise both of you to stop seeing finances as "his" and "hers" but rather "ours".

Just my .02 cents.

[Buck]

She does anal right?

Gotta take the good with the bad man.

[SenselessChiefsFan]

I don't get the separate finance thing, either. You're married and pledged to be with each other forever through thick and thin, in sleet and hail and dark of night, and you plan to raise children together, but you don't share your money? It doesn't make sense to me.

So if one of you loses your job, does that person starve? They can't get food stamps if the other one is working. And would you evict the other person if they can't pay rent?

I didn't know they worked for the Post Office.

[Saulbadguy]

We have 1 checking, 1 savings account. Wouldn't have it any other way - much easier that way.

[El Jefe]

I don't get the separate finance thing, either. You're married and pledged to be with each other forever through thick and thin, in sleet and hail and dark of night, and you plan to raise children together, but you don't share your money? It doesn't make sense to me.

So if one of you loses your job, does that person starve? They can't get food stamps if the other one is working. And would you evict the other person if they can't pay rent?

I agree 100% it really makes no sense to me.

[tooge]

you guys are running your marriage like it is a corporation and you are bickering about whos department contributes more and therefore should get more. That is not a good way to have it arranged. You can't "keep score" in a marriage, it doesn't work that way. Remember for better or for worse? You two are supposed to be a family unit working as one. We put our money (I pretty much make 95% of it) into a checking account and a savings account. Invest a little, and when all the bills are paid, if there is much left, do something fun or talk about what one of us wants or needs. If you guys cant agree on this sort of stuff, there are bigger issues than who makes what

[Dayze]

WTF?

This is very strange?

We put all the money in one account, pay the bills and what ever is left we either save or do fun stuff with...

us too.

everyone we know who have seperate accounts seem to always be complaining about $/ who pays what, etc.

it might work for some people, I'm sure. Just not for us.

[Rausch]

us too.

everyone we know who have seperate accounts seem to always be complaining about $/ who pays what, etc.

it might work for some people, I'm sure. Just not for us.

Our agreement is pretty much the same.

Money goes in the pot. Bills get paid.

Whatever is left over is split up by what was put in. If I put in 60%, and she 40%, that's what we each get out of the left over cash.

Not that there has been any leftover cash lately, but...

[Amnorix]

I see that as women's lib being responsible for the divorce rate.


:rolleyes:

[Nixhex]

My wife and I had a joint checking account for the first 7 years of our marriage. We constantly fought about money during this time. The past year we have done a seperate account deal and things have never been better. We still pay all the bills together. I pay about 54% and she pays 46%. Those figures are based on our income. There is no right or wrong way to do it. You just have to figure out what works for you as a couple and roll with it.

[NewChief]

My wife and I had a joint checking account for the first 7 years of our marriage. We constantly fought about money during this time. The past year we have done a seperate account deal and things have never been better. We still pay all the bills together. I pay about 54% and she pays 46%. Those figures are based on our income. There is no right or wrong way to do it. You just have to figure out what works for you as a couple and roll with it.

This is how we do it, pretty much. I think I'm about to change it up, though, because it's become harder to budget.

I think we're going to get one joint account (and really all of our accounts are "joint" in that we can transfer money between them at will) that we use to pay all bills from (through automated bill pay). Both of our paychecks will direct deposit into this account.

After that, we'll pull out a set "allowance" into each of our individual accounts to spend as we see fit.

[Rain Man]

i'm curious. do the separate finance people do so because their spouses have different saving/spending philosophies? and if you save diligently and your spouse spends every penny, how will retirement go? will you be going on cruises by yourself? will the two of you go grocery shopping and you'll be putting steak in your cart while she's stocking up on fancy feast? I would think the odds are high that one of you will have much more money over a 50-year time period.
Posted via Mobile Device

[Nixhex]

This is how we do it, pretty much. I think I'm about to change it up, though, because it's become harder to budget.

I think we're going to get one joint account (and really all of our accounts are "joint" in that we can transfer money between them at will) that we use to pay all bills from (through automated bill pay). Both of our paychecks will direct deposit into this account.

After that, we'll pull out a set "allowance" into each of our individual accounts to spend as we see fit.

If that works for you then there is nothing wrong with it. If problems arise over time with the current system you are using you can always change it up. It doesn't have to be one way or the highway as many here seem to think.

[MOhillbilly]

fuck you pay me.

say it, love it, live it.

[Nixhex]

i'm curious. do the separate finance people do so because their spouses have different saving/spending philosophies? and if you save diligently and your spouse spends every penny, how will retirement go? will you be going on cruises by yourself? will the two of you go grocery shopping and you'll be putting steak in your cart while she's stocking up on fancy feast? I would think the odds are high that one of you will have much more money over a 50-year time period.
Posted via Mobile Device

This is interesting. I do believe I will end up ahead in the long run due to my spending habits. She likes to spend every dime. I'm more frugal. As for food, we treat the groceries as a bill and share in the expense. No one will eat any better or worse than the other. In this past year I've been able to do more things for my family as a result of my frugal nature. In the past my wife may have blown this money on junk. If things get tough for one of us we will adapt our way of doing things to a way that works. This system doesn't have to remain exact until death do us part. It can change as our lives change.

[Rain Man]

This is interesting. I do believe I will end up ahead in the long run due to my spending habits. She likes to spend every dime. I'm more frugal. As for food, we treat the groceries as a bill and share in the expense. No one will eat any better or worse than the other. In this past year I've been able to do more things for my family as a result of my frugal nature. In the past my wife may have blown this money on junk. If things get tough for one of us we will adapt our way of doing things to a way that works. This system doesn't have to remain exact until death do us part. It can change as our lives change.


that's cool if it works for you. it seems like your wife gets to have her cake and eat it too with both spending and a savings safety net while you get neither advantage, though.

perhaps i'm just lucky that my wife and I have similar philosophies so i've never had to figure this out.
Posted via Mobile Device

[Huffman83]

What's interesting is how much the options/opinions given work and don't work.

There isn't an answer to this is there?

[Lumpy]

PIIHB

[Nixhex]

that's cool if it works for you. it seems like your wife gets to have her cake and eat it too with both spending and a savings safety net while you get neither advantage, though.

perhaps i'm just lucky that my wife and I have similar philosophies so i've never had to figure this out.
Posted via Mobile Device

You are lucky. I'd prefer to do it the old fashion way. It just didn't work for us. Our system is working for now. It may change in the future though. Only time will tell.

[Huffman83]

And btw, after talking a little further. She apologized.

[Nixhex]

And btw, after talking a little further. She apologized.

So did you get to finish on her face or perhaps she swallowed?

[Huffman83]

So did you get to finish on her face or perhaps she swallowed?

Fortunately I don't have to be in a fight in order to get those things.

So I got that going for me!

[Rausch]

So did you get to finish on her face or perhaps she swallowed?

I see two people unwilling to give up their expectations.

Not saying who's right or wrong, just pretty much what you've laid out for us.






That only ends one way...

[Nixhex]

Fortunately I don't have to be in a fight in order to get those things.

So I got that going for me!

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v57/Nixhex78/33kg2ok.gif

[Mr. Plow]

Christ. Some of you know what % of bills comes out of your check verse hers. That's crazy to me. I make a bit more - not much - than my wife does. But, when I'm figuring bills each month, I say "Ok, we have XXXX amount of dollars - how much needs to go to bills." We don't say "Ok, you made this much, you're money will go to X% & my money will cover X% of the bills."

Just seems really really weird to me. What's mine is hers and what's hers is mine.

[jidar]

Separate finances in a marraige only works when it's vastly lopsided or both sides have way more income than they need to pay everything.
If you're like most households that have to keep a budget and work to pay off bills and debt then I can't possibly see how this will work.
You will get divorced.

[The Franchise]

Christ. Some of you know what % of bills comes out of your check verse hers. That's crazy to me. I make a bit more - not much - than my wife does. But, when I'm figuring bills each month, I say "Ok, we have XXXX amount of dollars - how much needs to go to bills." We don't say "Ok, you made this much, you're money will go to X% & my money will cover X% of the bills."

Just seems really really weird to me. What's mine is hers and what's hers is mine.

I've posted it on here before but my wife and I have separate accounts. We're planning on keeping it this way until both of us pay off a majority of our personal debt.

When it comes to mutual bills though.....we split it down the middle. It doesn't go off of what each of us make. If rent is $1000 (which it's not)....then we each pay $500.

[DeezNutz]

Christ. Some of you know what % of bills comes out of your check verse hers. That's crazy to me. I make a bit more - not much - than my wife does. But, when I'm figuring bills each month, I say "Ok, we have XXXX amount of dollars - how much needs to go to bills." We don't say "Ok, you made this much, you're money will go to X% & my money will cover X% of the bills."

Just seems really really weird to me. What's mine is hers and what's hers is mine.

You're saying that it might not be healthy in a marriage to be concerned if your wife cannot cover 42.8% of the monthly expenditures and if she wants to have more than 22.2% in disposable income?

[jidar]

Get her to cancel all her credit cards, take her check when it comes in, pay her bills for her, and give her an agreed upon amount from each check until the bills are all paid off.

if she gives you some nonsense about not being supportive of her, or about trust, or equality, point out that getting rid of her debt is going to put you into debt, and that she's not being supportive of you if she can't help you avoid that burden.

Frame the debate.

worst post in the thread.

[Mr. Plow]

You're saying that it might not be healthy in a marriage to be concerned if your wife cannot cover 42.8% of the monthly expenditures and if she wants to have more than 22.2% in disposable income?

It's just odd to me, but if it works for those that do it, great for them. It just sounds much more like a roommate than a marriage to me.

[DeezNutz]

It's just odd to me, but if it works for those that do it, great for them. It just sounds much more like a roommate than a marriage to me.

Couldn't agree more.

[jidar]

Quite honestly I don't think we ever talked about having separate finances or any of that. It never occurred to either of us.
I think the first paycheck I made I came home with it and said "look at our money" which we then cashed and spent together. It all seemed so natural.
I look at these couples with separate finances and I wonder how they even got in that position in the first place...

In fact, If I place myself in Huffmans position right now and the very first thing that occurs to me is to give my wife as much money as possible to pay off her credit debt... the second thing that occurs to me is the best option which is sort the debt by APR and pay them off in that order while making the minimum payments on all the others. Either way it doesn't matter who's debt it is because there is no such thing, it's ours.

ps, thanks for making me feel good about my marraige. I'll probably show my wife this thread later.

[Huffman83]

I would....if I wasn't busy paying for everything else.

[Chief Pote]

I heard that money is the number 1 reason for divorce or marriage problems.


Only in the first few years of marriage. After that it's not being able to keep your pants on out of the home.

[Pants]

I don't know what it is...

but a girlfriend is always a strain on me because I have "big man" complex and pay for EVERYTHING...

Same here, dude.

[Simply Red]

It is...?

not really. no.

[Simply Red]

Only in the first few years of marriage. After that it's not being able to keep your pants on out of the home.















http://i46.tinypic.com/smzvqp.jpg

[Jilly]

Huffman, yes you will still be the asshole, but that is because she is working out of being defensive as I'm sure she feels guilty about how much you pay and how much debt she actually does have, so look at it as her not being mad at you, but mad at the situation, even if sometimes it comes out as a personal attack against you.

The two of you need to sit down together and decipher how much debt you have. Of the debt there is, how much of it will have an effect on your credit and is debt you need to be caring about because of that? You need to plan a budget with her, show her what goes out verses what comes in, and factor in her bills to that as well. And then evenly distribute the money and come up with a plan to help her with her debt. And take her credit cards away too or see a financial counselor together who will tell her to give them up.

[Amnorix]

worst post in the thread.

I'm assuming (hoping, really) that it was a joke.

[Fish]

Separate checking accounts for married people seems completely silly to me. My brain cannot even begin to think of what that could do to a marriage. It's neither logical nor sustainable over time. Especially if one or the other had individual economic hardship. Seems that it would require so much compromise that it would invalidate the entire system.

Not that I'm an expert on marriage and finance... just thinking out loud...

[BWillie]

Christ. Some of you know what % of bills comes out of your check verse hers. That's crazy to me. I make a bit more - not much - than my wife does. But, when I'm figuring bills each month, I say "Ok, we have XXXX amount of dollars - how much needs to go to bills." We don't say "Ok, you made this much, you're money will go to X% & my money will cover X% of the bills."

Just seems really really weird to me. What's mine is hers and what's hers is mine.

Call me immature, but that is what I don't like about marriage. More and more it seems like marriage is about financial stability. I don't think love should be about money and/or using all your spouse's money when you didn't earn it. Sure this isn't an issue when you both make about the same amount of money and spend the same amount of money but what about the extreme circumstances. But it's about respect. If you make alot more than your wife, and in addition, she is spending 2x more money than you. That is bullshit.

[Gracie Dean]

it has worked well for us for the last 9 years.

We don't have it down to every penny. Hubby gets paid 2 times a month and I get paid once a month. His check covers Vehicle and Insurance and the flexible utilities, cell cable and health insurance. He also puts a LOT in savings. Out of his checks, he pays for any CC usage that he made.

I get paid once a month. My check goes to the things that never change. Mortgage and the escrow for house insurance and taxes. I pay the student loans and also a home loan when we had a new AC/Heat unit installed. My check also pays for all the groceries and when we go out to eat. I also pay for any CC usage I have. My check also covers incidentals like Oil changes giving the daughter food money once in a while ect...

We are both on both accounts and the savings. It is not like we don't communicate or anything...we do. We keep all the bills together in a notebook and cross out when things get paid. This way tho, if I spend 50 bucks at the grocery store, he can't be upset because he was only planning to spend 30 on groceries and maybe 15 at the hardware store...


It works for us and we have not fought about money or bills since we started this method...OH and our credit has steadily gone up as we neither one want to be late or cause any strife.

[FAX]

In matters such as this, I live by two truths ...

Truth 1: All marital income should be pooled and distributed by prior, mutual agreement.

Truth 2: Incompatibility occurs when the husband loses his income and the wife loses her patibility.

FAX

[Lumpy]

In matters such as this, I live by two truths ...

Truth 1: All marital income should be pooled and distributed by prior, mutual agreement.

Truth 2: Incompatibility occurs when the husband loses his income and the wife loses her patibility.

FAX

I certainly hope that I don't lose my ability to pat. :D

[R8RFAN]

When you marry the money is the family money.... there is no "hers and yours"
Financial problems destroy more marriages than infidelity... I hope you get it worked out.

[sedated]

silly Huffman, didn't you know the cardinal rule of women and finances - the man's money is "ours", the woman's money is "hers".

[El Jefe]

In matters such as this, I live by two truths ...

Truth 1: All marital income should be pooled and distributed by prior, mutual agreement.

Truth 2: Incompatibility occurs when the husband loses his income and the wife loses her patibility.

FAX

Is this even a real word?