So I have decided to find my birth parents...

[dirk digler]

and am I a little nervous about this.

I finally got confirmation today that my birth mother is alive.

Has anyone been through finding your birth parents because I don't really know what to expect.

[mnchiefsguy]

Never been through it, but best of luck to you.

[big nasty kcnut]

you need to be calm and relax this will be a crazy moment i feel for you cause i found out i have a half brother a few years ago.

[dirk digler]

you need to be calm and relax this will be a crazy moment i feel for you cause i found out i have a half brother a few years ago.

How did that go?

[Rain Man]

Good luck to you. I suspect that nervousness is normal in this situation.

[luv]

Never knew you were adopted. Wish I had something helpful to say. All I can say is best wishes.

[Donger]

Good luck, dirk. I was raised by mine, but my mother did once say this to me: "I brought you into this world. I can take you out. And it wouldn't mean anything to me. I can make another one that looks just like you."

May you fare better.

[seclark]

i have two adopted cousins. the boy wasn't interested in finding his birth parents, but his sister was.

i don't know if she ever found her natural father, but she did locate her natural mother, who relayed to her that she wasn't interested in meeting up. cuz took it ok.
good luck.
sec

[MOhillbilly]

my mom took me to see the sperm donor when i was 15-16. when he died i didnt go to the funeral. Dont care about meeting my brothers and sisters.
You can never go back.

I made my fucking bones long ago.

[dirk digler]

Never knew you were adopted. Wish I had something helpful to say. All I can say is best wishes.

Well that is because I tend to not talk about my personal life too much here.

[ChiTown]

i have two adopted cousins. the boy wasn't interested in finding his birth parents, but his sister was.

i don't know if she ever found her natural father, but she did locate her natural mother, who relayed to her that she wasn't interested in meeting up. cuz took it ok.
good luck.
sec

Yeah, my oldest two siblings were adopted. My Sis tried to find their birth Mother, and the birth Mother had NO INTEREST in connecting. It really ripped my Sister up for a couple of years. It doesn't always end up the way you think it's going to work out.

Good luck, dd

[dirk digler]

Good luck, dirk. I was raised by mine, but my mother did once say this to me: "I brought you into this world. I can take you out. And it wouldn't mean anything to me. I can make another one that looks just like you."

May you fare better.

LMAO

You need to tell your mother that I don't think the world can handle 2 Dongers

[Chiefnj2]

Is there a middle person you could use in case they don't want to meet you? Help spare your feelings, so you don't end up like Chi's sister.

[Old Dog]

Best of luck to you.

[dirk digler]

Yeah, my oldest two siblings were adopted. My Sis tried to find their birth Mother, and the birth Mother had NO INTEREST in connecting. It really ripped my Sister up for a couple of years. It doesn't always end up the way you think it's going to work out.

Good luck, dd

Honestly the main reason why I started searching was for medical reasons and just my general curiosity.

I have 2 great parents that I love to death.

But I admit when I found out today my birth mother is alive I am a little scared and nervous

[Hootie]

LMAO

You need to tell your mother that I don't think the world can handle 2 Dongers

the world might not be able to, but his mom sure could! haha

[ChiTown]

LMAO

You need to tell your mother that I don't think the world can handle 2 Dongers

That's why God gave women 2 hands........

[dirk digler]

Is there a middle person you could use in case they don't want to meet you? Help spare your feelings, so you don't end up like Chi's sister.

I hired a person that does adoption searches since in MO you still have to go through the courts.

She does all the work and makes all the contacts and talks to them.

[Los Pollos Hermanos]

My mother gave up a baby when she was a teen. Maybe we're brothers. :)

[tooge]

my mom tried to get me to go and meet my real dad. They got divorced when I was 6 months old and she remarried when I was 2 and I took the new guys name. Anyhow, I found this all out when I was 16. I went and met the guy. I see why I am who I am, as he loves fishing, camping, hunting, etc. However, a few years later when he wanted to reconnect again, I thought I knew it all and basically told him to take a hike and he made his bed, he can sleep in it. Now that I have kids, I feel like I was a douchebag and would hope my children would never do that to me even if I did leave them for some reason. Hope it works out well for you man.

[Slainte]

Good luck, dirk. I was raised by mine, but my mother did once say this to me: "I brought you into this world. I can take you out. And it wouldn't mean anything to me. I can make another one that looks just like you."\

Does your mom pay royalties to Bill Cosby?

[Hootie]

well it's a good thing you were born when you were born because the new fad with all of these sluts is abortion...

now I'm not for or against it (if I ever knocked a bitch up I'd plead with her to keep it because that would be a tough one to live with...even for the guy)...I think a girl should be able to do what she wants with her own body...

but man...seriously...the topic was brought up with a few girls I know (like 5) all in their lower 20s...

they all said abortion without even thinking twice...like it would be no big deal

kind of sickening, really

[Donger]

\

Does your mom pay royalties to Bill Cosby?

Her favorite comedian, yes.

[dirk digler]

my mom tried to get me to go and meet my real dad. They got divorced when I was 6 months old and she remarried when I was 2 and I took the new guys name. Anyhow, I found this all out when I was 16. I went and met the guy. I see why I am who I am, as he loves fishing, camping, hunting, etc. However, a few years later when he wanted to reconnect again, I thought I knew it all and basically told him to take a hike and he made his bed, he can sleep in it. Now that I have kids, I feel like I was a douchebag and would hope my children would never do that to me even if I did leave them for some reason. Hope it works out well for you man.

Have you thought about reconnecting?

[blaise]

You should tell them about all the rep points you have on chiefsplanet, so they know what a success story you are.

[pr_capone]

I found siblings twice through the miracle of the internet. Firs one went well, met.. they are nice people and all but I felt no connection to them.

The second started asking for money from the word go... got rid of them real quick.

Best of luck man... always sticky situations.

[dirk digler]

well it's a good thing you were born when you were born because the new fad with all of these sluts is abortion...

now I'm not for or against it (if I ever knocked a bitch up I'd plead with her to keep it because that would be a tough one to live with...even for the guy)...I think a girl should be able to do what she wants with her own body...

but man...seriously...the topic was brought up with a few girls I know (like 5) all in their lower 20s...

they all said abortion without even thinking twice...like it would be no big deal

kind of sickening, really

I hope we don't derail this thread but I realize I am very lucky

[dirk digler]

My mother gave up a baby when she was a teen. Maybe we're brothers. :)

How old are you? ;)

[Los Pollos Hermanos]

I found siblings twice through the miracle of the internet. Firs one went well, met.. they are nice people and all but I felt no connection to them.

The second started asking for money from the word go... got rid of them real quick.

Best of luck man... always sticky situations.

Do you mind if I ask what sites you used?

My sister and I have posted on multiple sites and gotten nothing.

[Otter]

Watch what you wish for: "Dirk!!! [big hug], I'd like you to meet your brothers Adolf and Jingaling!"

http://clarenceworly.files.wordpress.com/2010/06/hillbilly.jpg

[ChiTown]

Watch what you wish for, Dirk [big hug], I'd like you to meet your brothers Adolf and Jingaling!

http://clarenceworly.files.wordpress.com/2010/06/hillbilly.jpg

Their ears are too small to be kin to Dirk.

[Los Pollos Hermanos]

How old are you? ;)

Almost 41.

She gave the baby up in '63.

[Mile High Mania]

I've had friends that have done what you're doing... and as mentioned, it's about a 50/50 mix on the desire of the parents to reconnect.

I would just suggest to keep expectations low that they will want to connect and then again, if they do... keep the expectations low that you will be glad they did. My fear would be setting expectations so high that you end up being disappointed.

Good luck to you... wish you the best.

[RustShack]

I bet they are Raiders fans.

[dirk digler]

Watch what you wish for: "Dirk!!! [big hug], I'd like you to meet your brothers Adolf and Jingaling!"

http://clarenceworly.files.wordpress.com/2010/06/hillbilly.jpg

LMAO Man I hope not ;)

[dirk digler]

Almost 41.

She gave the baby up in '63.

Nope sorry. I was born in 70

[Frazod]

This happened to my cousin - he knocked a girl up in high school and the baby was put up for adoption. He always wondered what became of the child, and one day got a call from him. It was akward for them at first, but now they have a wonderful, normal relationship, and my cousin (who is in his 60s) also has a couple of new grandchildren.

I hope your story ends up having a happy ending like this one. But obviously you should go in expecting the worst. Being somebody's parent doesn't necessarily mean much. I know exactly where my dad is, and haven't spoken to the prick in 15 years.

[dirk digler]

I've had friends that have done what you're doing... and as mentioned, it's about a 50/50 mix on the desire of the parents to reconnect.

I would just suggest to keep expectations low that they will want to connect and then again, if they do... keep the expectations low that you will be glad they did. My fear would be setting expectations so high that you end up being disappointed.

Good luck to you... wish you the best.

I am trying to keep it low as possible. I am just glad she is alive and hopefully my birth father is too.

[Sofa King]

I bet they are Raiders fans.

LMAO



that would be epic.

[Los Pollos Hermanos]

Nope sorry. I was born in 70

Well, good luck. I hope you find them.

[dirk digler]

LMAO



that would be epic.

I suppose that would be better than Donkey fans :D

[MOhillbilly]

Nothin to be sorry about dirk. My dad was my dad and provided me with a wonderful family and never ever made me feel like i was his adopted son. I mourn his death everyday, and it warms my heart to revisit his life in my mind.
Even though my genetic father had regret that he gave me up for adoption i dont and never will.

[dirk digler]

Nothin to be sorry about dirk. My dad was my dad and provided me with a wonderful family and never ever made me feel like i was his adopted son. I mourn his death everyday, and it warms my heart to revisit his life in my mind.
Even though my genetic father had regret that he gave me up for adoption i dont and never will.

I hear ya Mo. My mom and dad will always be my mom and dad and there is nothing in the world that is going to change that for me.

[BucEyedPea]

and am I a little nervous about this.

I finally got confirmation today that my birth mother is alive.

Has anyone been through finding your birth parents because I don't really know what to expect.

I have a friend that did and it turned out well enough. Both his adoptive family like them too.

[Inspector]

Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever get a knock on the door where there will be somebody standing there looking at me when I open it and saying, "Dad?"

The 60's and 70's were sort of wild times...if you catch my drift....

[BucEyedPea]

Yeah, my oldest two siblings were adopted. My Sis tried to find their birth Mother, and the birth Mother had NO INTEREST in connecting. It really ripped my Sister up for a couple of years. It doesn't always end up the way you think it's going to work out.

Good luck, dd

That's so sad. It's like being rejected twice by the person who brought you into this world. I think that might have to do with the circumstances of that mother at that time or just how that person is. No need to take it personally which is easier said than done.

[tooge]

Have you thought about reconnecting?

yeah, in fact, after I read your OP, I started searching for where he might be now. It's been over 25 years.

[dirk digler]

That's so sad. It's like being rejected twice by the person who brought you into this world. I think that might have to do with the circumstances of that mother at that time or just how that person is. No need to take it personally which is easier said than done.

That is a depressing way to think about it. :sulk:

[dirk digler]

yeah, in fact, after I read your OP, I started searching for where he might be now. It's been over 25 years.

Good luck tooge. Let us know how it turns out

[Valiant]

my mom tried to get me to go and meet my real dad. They got divorced when I was 6 months old and she remarried when I was 2 and I took the new guys name. Anyhow, I found this all out when I was 16. I went and met the guy. I see why I am who I am, as he loves fishing, camping, hunting, etc. However, a few years later when he wanted to reconnect again, I thought I knew it all and basically told him to take a hike and he made his bed, he can sleep in it. Now that I have kids, I feel like I was a douchebag and would hope my children would never do that to me even if I did leave them for some reason. Hope it works out well for you man.


I understand the first part. Not the second one about you in your kids. You know first hand how not to be that man.

My biological father was the same way. Left my mom when I 2 I believe. He never paid child support or cared much growing up. Hell that whole side of the family was the same. Well senior of highschool he decided he was a born again christian and wanted to reconnect. Did it after graduation, passed up senior trip, and watching friends compete at state in football and track.

Well stayed in the boring town of davenport for two weeks. Left on great terms with to promise of alternating calls to keep in touch. Think I called three straight times without him ever picking up but once or ever calling back. **** him.

He tried reconecting again 12 years later. Think his son graduated highschool. Told him I wished him no ill will but had no interest in connecting as I view him no different then a stranger. Faceboook friends with his brother though, had words with him but he understood my position. My grandparents on that side are also trying to connect. No interest.

Eventually I will break the laziness on my end to change my last name. Awkward that I am the only male in my family with adifferent last name.

[Phobia]

I am your daddy and we've already met. Sorry I got drunk and tried to kiss you. I didn't know we were related at that time.

[Valiant]

well it's a good thing you were born when you were born because the new fad with all of these sluts is abortion...

now I'm not for or against it (if I ever knocked a bitch up I'd plead with her to keep it because that would be a tough one to live with...even for the guy)...I think a girl should be able to do what she wants with her own body...

but man...seriously...the topic was brought up with a few girls I know (like 5) all in their lower 20s...

they all said abortion without even thinking twice...like it would be no big deal

kind of sickening, really


different era. And honestly I do not disagree. Most kids born to those type of people will be a dredge on society if they kept them. Then add into the difficulty of adoption and mass problem of parents that have kids they do not care about first.

My cousin has three by three dfferent daddies and living all welfare and doing drugs. Personally if you don't have a great reason for an abortion they should also cut you so you can't have more later. Back on my cousin, her friends are all the same way with multiple kids which will bejust like them. Abortions would have been more humane.

Literally idiocracy themovie with this group.

Edit. I am highly jaded from dealing with my cousin and her devil spawn.

[ThaVirus]

Damn, I can relate to a few of you in this thread. My biological father took off before I was born so I took my dad's name. He called sporadically "trying to connect" but it was all bullshit to me; he was just a voice on the phone, I already had a dad. Anyway, my mom forced me to go meet him (and his whole damn family-talk about awkward) when I was 15 and I haven't seen him since.

He probably just let his guilty conscience get the best of him from time to time. No way he actually cared.. Some people are just fakers, so fuck 'em.

[BucEyedPea]

That is a depressing way to think about it. :sulk:

Well, sometimes reality is depressing. But it doesn't always turn out that way. I've seen positive experiences too. I mentioned one that I know of.

[dirk digler]

Well, sometimes reality is depressing. But it doesn't always turn out that way. I've seen positive experiences too. I mentioned one that I know of.

I know but I haven't really thought about it like that. I am very lucky to have the parents I have.

I am not really counting on anything happening and wasn't the primary reason why I decided to do this. If it happens it happens but it is kind of scary\nerve wracking.

[Rain Man]

Promise me this, dirk. If it turns out that the woman in your avatar is your sister, promise me that you won't switch avatars. Promise me.

[tooge]

There's a pretty good chance my 7 year old will experiment with drugs and maybe even become an addict. I think I will just put a bullet in her head now just in case.

I guess I should have been offed too. Too bad, imagine a world without bloody buddeez

[Phobia]

I guess I should have been offed too. Too bad, imagine a world without bloody buddeez

That's quite a word picture for this thread.

[dirk digler]

Promise me this, dirk. If it turns out that the woman in your avatar is your sister, promise me that you won't switch avatars. Promise me.

I promise

I think I could pretend she is not my sister for 5 minutes

[savchief]

Was adopted at 6 weeks old in December 1961 in Rochester NY. New York state is a royal bitch getting any adoption info. Did some internet searches pre-2000 and signed up for some registries. No luck. I have no interest re-connecting with birth parents at all. But having worked in the medical field for most of my life, i know the critical need for a good family medical history. Filling out forms in the drs. office is quick. "No family history. Adopted"
I want to know my medical history and family heritage. I don't need any reunion and I really couldn't care less about their perception of a right to privacy.

[MIAdragon]

and am I a little nervous about this.

I finally got confirmation today that my birth mother is alive.

Has anyone been through finding your birth parents because I don't really know what to expect.

Go in with no expectations, don't build it into something its not. The slower the better. Good luck.

[dirk digler]

Was adopted at 6 weeks old in December 1961 in Rochester NY. New York state is a royal bitch getting any adoption info. Did some internet searches pre-2000 and signed up for some registries. No luck. I have no interest re-connecting with birth parents at all. But having worked in the medical field for most of my life, i know the critical need for a good family medical history. Filling out forms in the drs. office is quick. "No family history. Adopted"
I want to know my medical history and family heritage. I don't need any reunion and I really couldn't care less about their perception of a right to privacy.

MO is kind of like that too. I had to fill out a couple of forms and have them notarized and my parents had to sign off of them. Then my advocate goes to court to get my birth records released, which was painless, then they have to contact the parents and if one of them declines then they can't release any information.

If they both agree then my advocate sets up a meeting.

The cost to do this wasn't too bad, under $400.

[Phobia]

At least some of you know you were adopted. I have an idiot paternal aunt who had a kid with some random guy and now I have a 42 year old cousin who thinks his adopted father is his biological father. How do you think that conversation will go when his paternal background becomes medically necessary?

[Los Pollos Hermanos]

I'll bet dirk is Oprah's brother.

[RedNFeisty]

Good luck. I was adopted, I know who my birth mother is and couldn't care less.

[dirk digler]

At least some of you know you were adopted. I have an idiot paternal aunt who had a kid with some random guy and now I have a 42 year old cousin who thinks his adopted father is his biological father. How do you think that conversation will go when his paternal background becomes medically necessary?

Why haven't they told him?

[dirk digler]

Good luck. I was adopted, I know who my birth mother is and couldn't care less.

Thanks. Just curious how that all went down and how did you find her?

[dirk digler]

I'll bet dirk is Oprah's brother.

I wouldn't complain :D

[Frazod]

I'll bet dirk is Oprah's brother.

I wish I was Oprah's brother. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

[Oxford]

I finally got confirmation today that my birth mother is alive. Has anyone been through finding your birth parents because I don't really know what to expect.

Dirk, how could you know what to expect? I can't speak from any knowledge on this, but I have been looking into my genealogy (my grandfather was adopted). I some of the family stories (from the children of his brothers), but who really knows?

Using an intermediary would seem like a good first step. This may be unsettling to her also so it may sometime to get a face to face. I'd would try not to put any expectations on this, just let it find its own level so to speak. If you are a church goer, you might talk to your pastor.

Good luck and GOD bless

[Phobia]

Why haven't they told him?

They're scared of the ramifications of a 42 year old lie.

[Scorp]

Some words of wisdom from someone who was once in your shoes. Expect the worse and if it turns out to be a decent experience than good for you.

[Over-Head]

and am I a little nervous about this.

I finally got confirmation today that my birth mother is alive.

Has anyone been through finding your birth parents because I don't really know what to expect.
Good luck and congrats

[big nasty kcnut]

It's was ok but i don't converse with him my brother does and he ok except blaming my dad for leaving him when the fact is his mom didn't want to move with him cause my dad was in the navy.

[Demonpenz]

Just remember no matter what happens, we are all Tebow's children

[dirk digler]

They're scared of the ramifications of a 42 year old lie.

You would think they would realize it would be better to tell him then hear it from a 3rd party

[bobbymitch]

I wish you all the best. I found out too late who my birth parents were. When I turned 18, I had to have a legal name. So my mother gave me a choice between my birth name or her current husband's name. Ya, I was born under one last name, lived 18 years under another, only to choose a third for the rest of my life.

The sad part is that only when it was too late I found out that my aunt was my birth mother. Seems everyone in the family knew but me.

[dirk digler]

Some words of wisdom from someone who was once in your shoes. Expect the worse and if it turns out to be a decent experience than good for you.

That bad huh?

[dirk digler]

Dirk, how could you know what to expect? I can't speak from any knowledge on this, but I have been looking into my genealogy (my grandfather was adopted). I some of the family stories (from the children of his brothers), but who really knows?

Using an intermediary would seem like a good first step. This may be unsettling to her also so it may sometime to get a face to face. I'd would try not to put any expectations on this, just let it find its own level so to speak. If you are a church goer, you might talk to your pastor.

Good luck and GOD bless

Coming into this I just wanted medical history and if something materialized then I would go along with it and see how it goes.

But since I know she is alive I think I would be a little disappointed if she didn't want to talk at least once.

[kc rush]

Thankfully this is nothing I've had to deal with personally.

I have a good friend who is adopted and has had some serious health issues. I asked him if he would look up his birth parents so he could get a better sense of medical history. His response was that he "didn't fucking care who they were". I do know that they had drug issues, but I never pushed my friend on things since it was obviously a sore subject.

Good luck in your search.

[Scorp]

That bad huh?

Wasn't good, but I hope your experience is better.

[SAUTO]

damn a lot more people here that were adopted than i would have thought....


best wishes to ya dirk

[Rain Man]

I'm sincerely not trying to be flip about this, because it's a serious subject, but I have to ask those of you who were adopted (and others on a hypothetical basis).

Which of these outcomes would you prefer?

Outcome A. You pull up to meet your birth parents at their 80-acre estate, its English gardens and quiet wooded paths surrounded by a 9-foot wall. They bring you into the great dining hall for a nice pheasant dinner, and then afterwards you settle into the mahogany-paneled library for a discussion. They're clever and witty and attractive, and the after-dinner brandy is served by a blonde Ukrainian beauty in one of those sexy French maid outfits. They explain that they were young and couldn't afford twins, so they had to give you up and kept your identical twin sibling Chris on a randomly selected basis. They'd love for you to meet Chris, but he/she is sailing the Mediterranean right now with his Yale Yacht Club alumni group and is then going to be tied up for at least the next month taking art lessons in Paris. They wish you well, but think it's best that everyone goes their separate ways.

Outcome B. You arrive at Attica, and your mom is delighted to see you. She's dying for a cigarette but doesn't have any money in her account, so could you help her out with twenty bucks or so? She does pretty well for herself in here, and by the way, she's innocent and has no idea how that meth ended up in her underwear, and she had no idea that guy she was riding with had killed that little girl hooker over in Emersonville. She remembers your dad, great guy, and you'd have had a great life with them if he hadn't gotten stabbed in that barfight, and after that she just couldn't afford to keep you, especially when Clinton started putting time limits on welfare. Anyway, she's glad you visited and she'd like to stay in touch.

[DaFace]

I find this thread to be highly interesting. Best of luck to dirk and others.

[DeezNutz]

Rain Man, offering either delectable dog or cat shit.

Good luck, Digler. But keep it put away, lest you scare people.

[Fritz88]

Good luck dirk. It is going to be a one of a kind experience. Relax and don't overwhelm yourself.

[dirk digler]

I'm sincerely not trying to be flip about this, because it's a serious subject, but I have to ask those of you who were adopted (and others on a hypothetical basis).

Which of these outcomes would you prefer?

Outcome A. You pull up to meet your birth parents at their 80-acre estate, its English gardens and quiet wooded paths surrounded by a 9-foot wall. They bring you into the great dining hall for a nice pheasant dinner, and then afterwards you settle into the mahogany-paneled library for a discussion. They're clever and witty and attractive, and the after-dinner brandy is served by a blonde Ukrainian beauty in one of those sexy French maid outfits. They explain that they were young and couldn't afford twins, so they had to give you up and kept your identical twin sibling Chris on a randomly selected basis. They'd love for you to meet Chris, but he/she is sailing the Mediterranean right now with his Yale Yacht Club alumni group and is then going to be tied up for at least the next month taking art lessons in Paris. They wish you well, but think it's best that everyone goes their separate ways.

Outcome B. You arrive at Attica, and your mom is delighted to see you. She's dying for a cigarette but doesn't have any money in her account, so could you help her out with twenty bucks or so? She does pretty well for herself in here, and by the way, she's innocent and has no idea how that meth ended up in her underwear, and she had no idea that guy she was riding with had killed that little girl hooker over in Emersonville. She remembers your dad, great guy, and you'd have had a great life with them if he hadn't gotten stabbed in that barfight, and after that she just couldn't afford to keep you, especially when Clinton started putting time limits on welfare. Anyway, she's glad you visited and she'd like to stay in touch.

Where's the Gaz option?

[Iowanian]

I'm not sure how I'd feel in your shoes, but good luck.

I have some adopted cousins, I have an adopted nephew, and dated a girl that gave up a baby to an "open" adoption when she was 15, so in a way, I've seen both ends.

the cousins came from shithole 3rd world cesspools so I can't imagine that they are terribly sad about their fortune, but I do know 2 of them are pretty curious about their culture(former). The nephew is in a superior position now and getting the same as blood Iowani-family treatment, and is neither seen or treated any different than the others. I don't know how he'll feel when he's older.

The girl was allowed to see the kid once per year and got photos twice per year. She struggled with it, but said she knew the kid was in a good home with a loving family and that it was the right decision.

I've got a couple of friends who have had nothing to do with their own kids and I can't fathom it. As I sat up at 3:30am with my vomiting 2yr old and teething 8month old last night and letting the one with Montezuma's revenge nap on my chest this morning for a couple of hours before coming to work....I just can't understand not having a primal urge for that bond.

Anyway....I hope those of you looking find the experience you're looking for that either gives you closure or happiness.

[bevischief]

My brother and sister inlaw adopted because of health reasons. I know a little history of the unwed mother they adopted from was way too young. I hope this turns out well for you. Good luck.

[FAX]

I think the whole idea is fascinating, Mr. dirk digler. The possibility exists of locating and getting to know a whole, new family of cool people.

I wish you the very best in this endeavor.

FAX

[teedubya]

My biological father bailed when I was two.

Maybe this is why I don't trust the government? :-D

[Rain Man]

Where's the Gaz option?

Gaz would have never given you up in the first place.

[JD10367]

Was adopted at 6 weeks old in December 1961 in Rochester NY. New York state is a royal bitch getting any adoption info. Did some internet searches pre-2000 and signed up for some registries. No luck. I have no interest re-connecting with birth parents at all. But having worked in the medical field for most of my life, i know the critical need for a good family medical history. Filling out forms in the drs. office is quick. "No family history. Adopted"
I want to know my medical history and family heritage. I don't need any reunion and I really couldn't care less about their perception of a right to privacy.

This times eleventybillion.

My wife is adopted, as is her brother. Her mom (the one who adopted her) became a huge crusader for birth rights, and went so far as to end up in Washington chairing some committee on it. They eventually tracked down both childrens' birth mothers. Regardless of whether you have an emotional reason for wanting to meet them, for medical reasons every child should have the right to know who their parents are and get that vital medical information.

[dirk digler]

I'm not sure how I'd feel in your shoes, but good luck.

I have some adopted cousins, I have an adopted nephew, and dated a girl that gave up a baby to an "open" adoption when she was 15, so in a way, I've seen both ends.

the cousins came from shithole 3rd world cesspools so I can't imagine that they are terribly sad about their fortune, but I do know 2 of them are pretty curious about their culture(former). The nephew is in a superior position now and getting the same as blood Iowani-family treatment, and is neither seen or treated any different than the others. I don't know how he'll feel when he's older.

The girl was allowed to see the kid once per year and got photos twice per year. She struggled with it, but said she knew the kid was in a good home with a loving family and that it was the right decision.

I've got a couple of friends who have had nothing to do with their own kids and I can't fathom it. As I sat up at 3:30am with my vomiting 2yr old and teething 8month old last night and letting the one with Montezuma's revenge nap on my chest this morning for a couple of hours before coming to work....I just can't understand not having a primal urge for that bond.

Anyway....I hope those of you looking find the experience you're looking for that either gives you closure or happiness.

As a parent I don't know how I could handle an open adoption. It would be tough enough to give away your child let alone get updates and pictures.

On the flip side being adopted I wish it wasn't so hard to find out basic information especially medical information.

[dirk digler]

I think the whole idea is fascinating, Mr. dirk digler. The possibility exists of locating and getting to know a whole, new family of cool people.

I wish you the very best in this endeavor.

FAX

Thanks Fax.

[dirk digler]

Gaz would have never given you up in the first place.

And he wouldn't have cussed me out

[Valiant]

Where's the Gaz option?

Gaz is a deadbeat dad (to chiefsplanet), he does not get an option..

Seriously though, most people have no idea who Gaz is..

[DeezNutz]

Best of luck. Try not to set any expectations in your mind, and perhaps this will help prevent any disappointment/emotional rollar coaster.

Kind of my approach to any situation that is essentially out of my hands.

[RedNFeisty]

Gaz is a deadbeat dad, he does not get an option..

Seriously though, most people have no idea who Gaz is..

I met Gaz way back when. He is a cool cat, and very real.

[dirk digler]

Best of luck. Try not to set any expectations in your mind, and perhaps this will help prevent any disappointment/emotional rollar coaster.

Kind of my approach to any situation that is essentially out of my hands.

This applies to Matt Cassel? :D

[J Diddy]

I met Gaz way back when. He is a cool cat, and very real.

Although I've never met him in person, just on here I agree, he is a cool cat.

[Valiant]

I met Gaz way back when. He is a cool cat, and very real.

Gaz was a great poster, my comment is more towards most posters have no idea who he is...

[bevischief]

Hope it works out for the best for you and plan to support my niece when she plans to to the same thing in about 16 years plus years.

[RedNFeisty]

Gaz was a great poster, my comment is more towards most posters have no idea who he is...

It has been years since he has posted on a regular basis, hasn't it? I've seen people asking if Gaz was a real person or not, so I thought I would just mention he was real. ;)

[RedNFeisty]

I think there should be a law that states the biological parents need to provide medical history that travels with the child to their new parents.

[mlyonsd]

I can't imagine not knowing my parents and their parents. I hope you find what you're looking for dirk.

[dirk digler]

I can't imagine not knowing my parents and their parents. I hope you find what you're looking for dirk.

I appreciate that mlyonsd.

The thing is I do know my parents and I love them to death. Sitting here tonight thinking about this I know in a couple of days when my birth mom receives the letter I am possibly turning her world all upside down. I have a little guilt feeling about that.

[Valiant]

I think there should be a law that states the biological parents need to provide medical history that travels with the child to their new parents.

Good idea, but it would have to be taken further then that to help as most probably will not know what medical problems they have until decades down the road..

[mlyonsd]

I appreciate that mlyonsd.

The thing is I do know my parents and I love them to death. Sitting here tonight thinking about this I know in a couple of days when my birth mom receives the letter I am possibly turning her world all upside down. I have a little guilt feeling about that.

Yeah sorry, I didn't mean it like that of course. Not ever being in your situation made me post something stupid.

I meant the history behind who I am. I can look at my grandfather's military WWI pic and see me in him. That kind of stuff.

As to your birth mom odds are she thinks about you often. I'll bet she wonders and prays she did the right thing. The fact you are letting her know you exist and are interested in knowing her will give her closure she needs.

Again, good luck. Let us know how it turns out.

[Phobia]

You would think they would realize it would be better to tell him then hear it from a 3rd party

I've been tempted to tell him several times. If he gets sick, I definitely will.

[Oxford]

I appreciate that mlyonsd.

The thing is I do know my parents and I love them to death. Sitting here tonight thinking about this I know in a couple of days when my birth mom receives the letter I am possibly turning her world all upside down. I have a little guilt feeling about that.

One parent does a difficult thing our of concern for her child and to have two other parents that you love dearly makes you a very lucky person indeed.

[dirk digler]

Yeah sorry, I didn't mean it like that of course. Not ever being in your situation made me post something stupid.

I meant the history behind who I am. I can look at my grandfather's military WWI pic and see me in him. That kind of stuff.

As to your birth mom odds are she thinks about you often. I'll bet she wonders and prays she did the right thing. The fact you are letting her know you exist and are interested in knowing her will give her closure she needs.

Again, good luck. Let us know how it turns out.

No need to apologize I understood what you meant.

I will keep everyone updated.

I did find out some additional information later this evening. My birth mom was a single woman going to college and my dad was an Italian that was going to college or graduated. I was born at Research in KC and was given to Catholic Charities ( I have known that part for years)

[dirk digler]

I've been tempted to tell him several times. If he gets sick, I definitely will.

I bet. I don't know though that would really rock his world hearing it from a 3rd party.

One parent does a difficult thing our of concern for her child and to have two other parents that you love dearly makes you a very lucky person indeed.

Very true

[Hog's Gone Fishin]

This thread is kinda ironic as I was just contemplating searching for a new wife.

[Fat Elvis]

I am adopted and found my birth mother almost 19 years ago. Back then it was a lot harder than it is now. For me, there was always that question of "why?" Don't get me wrong, I grew up in a wonderful, loving home with my adoptive parents (my sisters say I got away with a lot more than they ever did, especially since I am the baby) and they were very supportive of me finding my biological parents. Although my adoptive parents have passed away, I've had a wonderful relationship with both families. I know it doesn't always work that way for everyone. My biological family from my mother's side of the family immediately embraced me- and I mean the whole family. I was immediately recognized as one of the family and it was kind of mind blowing to see strange quirks show up in other people that kinda look like you. For example, I have this quirk that I call a "timeout" where I literally kind of take a step out of time for a little bit; my mother knew exactly what I was talking about and had always called it a "detour." I think it is a genetic trait because at family gatherings, when trying to figure something out there is this wierd chaos and then all of a sudden there will be a pause where those of us who are genetically related (I think it is passed down through my grandfather) suddenly get quiet and then everyone knows what they are supposed to do. The people who married into the family are like, "WTF just happened and what is going on?" My mom's husband (who accepts me just like a son) says it is like the "hivemind" or we are getting "plugged into the mothership." And really, to the outsider, that is exactly what it is like.

Now while I've a great relationship with my biological mother, my biological father is a different story. He is quite the asshole as far as I'm concerned. I don't really think it has anything to do with me being adopted, however, my half brothers from that side of the family think he is an asshole as well.

It is really indescribable to be able to get some closure on parts of my past that I really had no idea about. I mean I knew I was adopted all my life; I wasn't even adopted until I was eight years old due to some medical conditions (my biological mother did not know that I had these medical conditions when she gave me up for adoption). So all my life I wondered who my biological parents were. It is weird walking and seeing people who look vaguely like you and then wondering if they were somehow related to you or if maybe they were your biological parent.

If you get the chance to meet your biological parents, be prepared for a shock- not only the shock of seeing the similarities but also of the differences between you.

Also be prepared for the possibility that your biological parent(s) may not be willing to meet you, and don't take it as a slight against you. Your birth may of been a secret that their current family doesn't know about and they want to keep it that way. Also, for some people, it may be just too hard revisit that wound; for some biological parents, they feel they gave up the right to be a part of your life when they put you up for adoption and feel a lot of guilt over the experience. Others, well, they just may not care. Just remember, no matter the outcome, it is not a reflection of who you are; you are your own person that they cannot define, you have a family that loves you and accepts you for who you are. Just remember, your adoptive family CHOSE you.

Good luck with your search. I know what you are going through.

Fat E

[Groves]

Gaz was a great poster, my comment is more towards most posters have no idea who he is...

It's the job of new posters to find out, not our job to dumb it down.

They better figure out what a flaming AIDS tree is while they're at it.

[dirk digler]

That is a great story FE and I am glad you were able to have a good experience and you found what you were looking for.

I hope I have one too but I am preparing for the worse.

[Rain Man]

Gaz is a deadbeat dad (to chiefsplanet), he does not get an option..

Seriously though, most people have no idea who Gaz is..

Gaz just went out for cigarettes! He'll be back! You wait and see! He'll be back!

[Silock]

I, too, am adopted. I'm sometimes curious about them, but I have zero idea how to even begin finding them.

[patteeu]

If she gave you up, there must have been something wrong with you. :p

Good luck. Hope it works out well.

[Phobia]

I, too, am adopted. I'm sometimes curious about them, but I have zero idea how to even begin finding them.

Do not check google or bing. They have no idea who your genetic parents are nor would they be able to locate someone providing a service to locate them.

[Fat Elvis]

I, too, am adopted. I'm sometimes curious about them, but I have zero idea how to even begin finding them.

See if you can get your original birth certificate.

[dirk digler]

I, too, am adopted. I'm sometimes curious about them, but I have zero idea how to even begin finding them.

If you were born in Kansas you are lucky. You can access all the information without having to go through the courts.

Kansas law allows for the release of original birth certificates and adoption records to adoptees born and/or adopted in Kansas per their request. This allows the search process and release of information to be a little different.

[Lono]

I feel for you. I have never met my real father. I was shown a picture when I was 18 and told his name and that was it. He has a few family members that live in the same town as me and they know about me. I know a couple of them really well. His cousin asked me a few years ago if I would be interested in meeting him. I declined. I'm not sure why? I have two kids now and couldn't ever imagine leaving them. I am just not sure I could ever fully forgive him for walking away so I don't see the point. My daughter who is 7 has asked several times where my dad is. That is hard to explain. Good luck Dirk.

[Iowanian]

I didn't want to make this joke....but I can't help it.

Good luck Joe Dirt...stay away from Buffalo Bill.


http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSZAt6idn5e7fczUhwIK4ttwbDS1uwqHAcokZoM81svu4vODOgkkQ

"You're my sister, you're my sister...you're my sister!"

[R8RFAN]

I got no advice on this one at all but good luck to you

[Hydrae]

As a parent who lost custody rights to my first born son, I was thrilled when I heard he wanted to meet me a couple of years ago. Our situation was one where his mother (my ex-wife) had lost custody due to neglect and he came to live with me. Some concerns arose about whether my roommates son might be molesting him and I also lost custody. He left the state we were in and went to live with my parents. They realized that at 50+ keeping up with a 6 year old was very difficult for them so they talked to a family my sister knew through school. They wound up adopting him in what was supposed to be an open adoption. Once the adoption was finalized, they shut off all communication and no one in my family saw him for the next 10+ years.

From my perspective, I was very happy and nervous to finally get to see him again after all that time. I had last seen him when he was 6, I remet him when he was 22. He is in the Air Force and actually in Afghanistan right now but we exchange e-mails ocassionally and hope to get together again when he comes back this spring. I doubt we will ever have the relationship I have with my two boys from the current marriage but that is due to all the lost years. I am happy for whatever we can have and am thankful that he does not blame me for what happened all those years ago.

[Fritz88]

Rain Man is my true birth father. I tried contacting him but he refused. He rejected DNA testing and said the only way for him to believe that he's my father is my rep being close to his in CP. I love you, dad. Take me back.

[Rausch]

and am I a little nervous about this.

I finally got confirmation today that my birth mother is alive.

Has anyone been through finding your birth parents because I don't really know what to expect.

I have a buddy that's fought with this for a while.

The question is always better than the reality...

[Los Pollos Hermanos]

Rain Man is my true birth father. I tried contacting him but he refused. He rejected DNA testing and said the only way for him to believe that he's my father is my rep being close to his in CP. I love you, dad. Take me back.
The resetting of everyone's rep was a sign from God.

[underEJ]

Found my birth mother (well a sister found my posting on a registry, and contacted me) 10 years ago. It was the greatest thing I have done in my life, and to be totally honest, it actually helped fix a declining and never great relationship with my adoptive parents. They were afraid to search for me themselves because of the intrusion it might be. My place and date of birth on my internet posting made it unmistakable so we didn't need any official channels to confirm, and then my sister sent me a picture of her and that moment is something I will never forget.

30 years of life is a long time to never look at another face that matches. Every crowd gets scanned. Airports were a nightmare because I would need to look in every face that passed for recognition. I didn't want to miss that once in a lifetime chance passing. Then comes the moment, and she looks just like me, and it made everything still and quiet for the first time in my life. Got on a plane a few weeks later to go meet the whole bunch, extended family too, and the meeting in the airport was something for which there are no words.

I know that isn't the way it always goes for people, but I knew for me going into it, I wanted that, and it was worth the risk of being hurt to get that. Go in to it knowing what you want. I used to think when I first put the posting up that I only needed information and the rest didn't matter, but I was kidding myself. It would have mattered, and I would have been hurt if I had been rejected, but I would also have been fine because I am adopted, and I already know how to deal with that.

The part I didn't expect was that in letting out all that forgiveness, I forgave my adoptive parents too, and we can have a decent relationship now as well, so I got two families out of it. Unfortunately, my birth father is uncertain, meaning it is likely one man who was listed on the original birth certificate, but there was also another, so I haven't contacted him. It seems unfair to disrupt without being sure. I would do it if there was no question.

There is one thing I did have to learn after finding them. We don't owe each other anything. Meet and stay in contact because you want to and be honest about your expectations and your desire to meet theirs. I spent a couple of holidays with them the first year after meeting in Texas at their homes, and then they were disappointed that it didn't continue regularly after that, but I love holidays in Kansas City, and when I get away from LA, KC is where I want to be. That's why I have a house there still. It took some explaining and then they understood and the expectations were met easily because we had talked about it openly.

I could write a list of hundreds of things that they told me or that I have noticed that blow my mind, like that I almost went to boarding school in 11th grade with my half brother who would have been in 10th grade, but I backed out at the last second and stayed in KC. I wasn't crazy to be scanning crowds. They were there sometimes, and I would have seen the resemblance if I had just had a little better timing.

[Fat Elvis]

Found my birth mother (well a sister found my posting on a registry, and contacted me) 10 years ago. It was the greatest thing I have done in my life, and to be totally honest, it actually helped fix a declining and never great relationship with my adoptive parents. They were afraid to search for me themselves because of the intrusion it might be. My place and date of birth on my internet posting made it unmistakable so we didn't need any official channels to confirm, and then my sister sent me a picture of her and that moment is something I will never forget.

30 years of life is a long time to never look at another face that matches. Every crowd gets scanned. Airports were a nightmare because I would need to look in every face that passed for recognition. I didn't want to miss that once in a lifetime chance passing. Then comes the moment, and she looks just like me, and it made everything still and quiet for the first time in my life. Got on a plane a few weeks later to go meet the whole bunch, extended family too, and the meeting in the airport was something for which there are no words.

I know that isn't the way it always goes for people, but I knew for me going into it, I wanted that, and it was worth the risk of being hurt to get that. Go in to it knowing what you want. I used to think when I first put the posting up that I only needed information and the rest didn't matter, but I was kidding myself. It would have mattered, and I would have been hurt if I had been rejected, but I would also have been fine because I am adopted, and I already know how to deal with that.

The part I didn't expect was that in letting out all that forgiveness, I forgave my adoptive parents too, and we can have a decent relationship now as well, so I got two families out of it. Unfortunately, my birth father is uncertain, meaning it is likely one man who was listed on the original birth certificate, but there was also another, so I haven't contacted him. It seems unfair to disrupt without being sure. I would do it if there was no question.

There is one thing I did have to learn after finding them. We don't owe each other anything. Meet and stay in contact because you want to and be honest about your expectations and your desire to meet theirs. I spent a couple of holidays with them the first year after meeting in Texas at their homes, and then they were disappointed that it didn't continue regularly after that, but I love holidays in Kansas City, and when I get away from LA, KC is where I want to be. That's why I have a house there still. It took some explaining and then they understood and the expectations were met easily because we had talked about it openly.

I could write a list of hundreds of things that they told me or that I have noticed that blow my mind, like that I almost went to boarding school in 11th grade with my half brother who would have been in 10th grade, but I backed out at the last second and stayed in KC. I wasn't crazy to be scanning crowds. They were there sometimes, and I would have seen the resemblance if I had just had a little better timing.

This and then some. I was born in Wichita, but I grew up in Topeka. My biological mother drove by my house hundreds of times not knowing that I lived there. I'm pretty sure that one time she gave me and a friend a ride to the beach at Lake Shawnee when we were young (and hitchhiking was safer than it is now)...anyway, we didn't meet officially until I lived in Austin and she lived in Seattle.

[dirk digler]

The question is always better than the reality...

So I keep hearing. I am pretty much expecting that she won't want anything to do with me

[Iowanian]

I'm not exactly sure why, but I find this to be one of the most interesting threads I've ever read here. The stories are intriguing to say the least.


I just assume that for every person who finds a happy meeting, there are 5 who find Joe dirt's parents or something.

I don't know what it's like but I know that when someone adopts you, they choose you.
We've discussed becoming foster parents when our kids are a little older and I can see how one can get attached and work into this as an option.

[seclark]

Found my birth mother (well a sister found my posting on a registry, and contacted me) 10 years ago. It was the greatest thing I have done in my life, and to be totally honest, it actually helped fix a declining and never great relationship with my adoptive parents. They were afraid to search for me themselves because of the intrusion it might be. My place and date of birth on my internet posting made it unmistakable so we didn't need any official channels to confirm, and then my sister sent me a picture of her and that moment is something I will never forget.

30 years of life is a long time to never look at another face that matches. Every crowd gets scanned. Airports were a nightmare because I would need to look in every face that passed for recognition. I didn't want to miss that once in a lifetime chance passing. Then comes the moment, and she looks just like me, and it made everything still and quiet for the first time in my life. Got on a plane a few weeks later to go meet the whole bunch, extended family too, and the meeting in the airport was something for which there are no words.

I know that isn't the way it always goes for people, but I knew for me going into it, I wanted that, and it was worth the risk of being hurt to get that. Go in to it knowing what you want. I used to think when I first put the posting up that I only needed information and the rest didn't matter, but I was kidding myself. It would have mattered, and I would have been hurt if I had been rejected, but I would also have been fine because I am adopted, and I already know how to deal with that.

The part I didn't expect was that in letting out all that forgiveness, I forgave my adoptive parents too, and we can have a decent relationship now as well, so I got two families out of it. Unfortunately, my birth father is uncertain, meaning it is likely one man who was listed on the original birth certificate, but there was also another, so I haven't contacted him. It seems unfair to disrupt without being sure. I would do it if there was no question.

There is one thing I did have to learn after finding them. We don't owe each other anything. Meet and stay in contact because you want to and be honest about your expectations and your desire to meet theirs. I spent a couple of holidays with them the first year after meeting in Texas at their homes, and then they were disappointed that it didn't continue regularly after that, but I love holidays in Kansas City, and when I get away from LA, KC is where I want to be. That's why I have a house there still. It took some explaining and then they understood and the expectations were met easily because we had talked about it openly.

I could write a list of hundreds of things that they told me or that I have noticed that blow my mind, like that I almost went to boarding school in 11th grade with my half brother who would have been in 10th grade, but I backed out at the last second and stayed in KC. I wasn't crazy to be scanning crowds. They were there sometimes, and I would have seen the resemblance if I had just had a little better timing.

great post. glad things worked out for you.
sec

[DaFace]

I'm not exactly sure why, but I find this to be one of the most interesting threads I've ever read here. The stories are intriguing to say the least.

I agree.

[dirk digler]

Found my birth mother (well a sister found my posting on a registry, and contacted me) 10 years ago. It was the greatest thing I have done in my life, and to be totally honest, it actually helped fix a declining and never great relationship with my adoptive parents. They were afraid to search for me themselves because of the intrusion it might be. My place and date of birth on my internet posting made it unmistakable so we didn't need any official channels to confirm, and then my sister sent me a picture of her and that moment is something I will never forget.

30 years of life is a long time to never look at another face that matches. Every crowd gets scanned. Airports were a nightmare because I would need to look in every face that passed for recognition. I didn't want to miss that once in a lifetime chance passing. Then comes the moment, and she looks just like me, and it made everything still and quiet for the first time in my life. Got on a plane a few weeks later to go meet the whole bunch, extended family too, and the meeting in the airport was something for which there are no words.

I know that isn't the way it always goes for people, but I knew for me going into it, I wanted that, and it was worth the risk of being hurt to get that. Go in to it knowing what you want. I used to think when I first put the posting up that I only needed information and the rest didn't matter, but I was kidding myself. It would have mattered, and I would have been hurt if I had been rejected, but I would also have been fine because I am adopted, and I already know how to deal with that.

The part I didn't expect was that in letting out all that forgiveness, I forgave my adoptive parents too, and we can have a decent relationship now as well, so I got two families out of it. Unfortunately, my birth father is uncertain, meaning it is likely one man who was listed on the original birth certificate, but there was also another, so I haven't contacted him. It seems unfair to disrupt without being sure. I would do it if there was no question.

There is one thing I did have to learn after finding them. We don't owe each other anything. Meet and stay in contact because you want to and be honest about your expectations and your desire to meet theirs. I spent a couple of holidays with them the first year after meeting in Texas at their homes, and then they were disappointed that it didn't continue regularly after that, but I love holidays in Kansas City, and when I get away from LA, KC is where I want to be. That's why I have a house there still. It took some explaining and then they understood and the expectations were met easily because we had talked about it openly.

I could write a list of hundreds of things that they told me or that I have noticed that blow my mind, like that I almost went to boarding school in 11th grade with my half brother who would have been in 10th grade, but I backed out at the last second and stayed in KC. I wasn't crazy to be scanning crowds. They were there sometimes, and I would have seen the resemblance if I had just had a little better timing.

That is a great story and I am happy for you. Do you still stay in contact regularly?

[dirk digler]

I'm not exactly sure why, but I find this to be one of the most interesting threads I've ever read here. The stories are intriguing to say the least.


I just assume that for every person who finds a happy meeting, there are 5 who find Joe dirt's parents or something.

I don't know what it's like but I know that when someone adopts you, they choose you.
We've discussed becoming foster parents when our kids are a little older and I can see how one can get attached and work into this as an option.

I realize I am lucky in that I obviously don't have any idea what my parents look like or who they are in my memory.

One of my coworkers became a foster parent and have adopted 2 boys ,ages 6 and 8, and I can't imagine how it is for those kids knowing their mother is out there and what she looks like etc

They are in a lot better place though than with their druggie mom. Doesn't make it any easier though I imagine.

[dirk digler]

As a parent who lost custody rights to my first born son, I was thrilled when I heard he wanted to meet me a couple of years ago. Our situation was one where his mother (my ex-wife) had lost custody due to neglect and he came to live with me. Some concerns arose about whether my roommates son might be molesting him and I also lost custody. He left the state we were in and went to live with my parents. They realized that at 50+ keeping up with a 6 year old was very difficult for them so they talked to a family my sister knew through school. They wound up adopting him in what was supposed to be an open adoption. Once the adoption was finalized, they shut off all communication and no one in my family saw him for the next 10+ years.

From my perspective, I was very happy and nervous to finally get to see him again after all that time. I had last seen him when he was 6, I remet him when he was 22. He is in the Air Force and actually in Afghanistan right now but we exchange e-mails ocassionally and hope to get together again when he comes back this spring. I doubt we will ever have the relationship I have with my two boys from the current marriage but that is due to all the lost years. I am happy for whatever we can have and am thankful that he does not blame me for what happened all those years ago.

I am sorry you had to go through that and I think that is BS that family cut off all communication.

[DeezNutz]

I'm not exactly sure why, but I find this to be one of the most interesting threads I've ever read here.

Which is particularly surprising because it was started by someone as categorically uninteresting as dirk. Dat dem dare is irony. :)

[dirk digler]

Which is particularly surprising because it was started by someone as categorically uninteresting as dirk. Dat dem dare is irony. :)

I think I am interesting :harumph:

[JD10367]

Look on the bright side. If Oprah's your half-sister, you're set for life!

[go bo]

i had a high school romance that produced a child. the mother's family forced her to give up the baby for adoption and i thought i'd never see him...

then one day i got a phone call and the caller said "hi, dad" and i about fell over...

he had gone through the catholic home for unwed mothers and got a message through them to his birth mother...

she told him my name and he found me by calling every person in the phone book with my last name until he found one of my ex-wives and she told him where i live...

met him in person a few months later and was amazed, he looked just like his birth mother with a few features from my side of the family...

he was also 6'9" tall, which was a bit of a shock...

we have stayed in contact over the years and my wife and i visited his wife and children...

i was so excited to meet my grandchildren...

so from the perspective of a birth parent i can tell you that meeting your child can be just as scary, and exciting at the same time, as an adopted child meeting with his birth parent(s)...

i had wondered what had happened to him and if he was doing ok in life for over 40 years...

i always felt guilty about letting him be adopted by someone else, but there was nothing an 18 y.o. high school student could do to change it...

now that we've met and established a good relationship, i am very happy that he found me...

sometimes parents just don't have any choice and sometimes they don't want to reopen that wound by having the adopted child get in contact with them...

but sometimes, birth parents can be absolutely thrilled to meet their "lost' child...

good luck to you dirk, i hope you'll find the reunion to be as happy as mine was...

[underEJ]

That is a great story and I am happy for you. Do you still stay in contact regularly?

I do. I visit them every other year, usually around spring break (lots of teachers in that family,) and I spent a week at the Oregon coast with my sisters, and they have come to LA a couple of times too. My birth mom travels for business and comes to Long Beach once a year or so, and we have dinner if I'm in town, and sometimes she stays with me for an extra day or two. My sister that first contacted me has become one of my very best friends and we try to meet up a couple of times a year even though we live pretty far apart.

[patteeu]

Don't listen to these feel good stories and let them get your hopes up, dirk. It's equally likely that you were a brain damaged hermaphrodite who underwent neonatal gender assignment surgery and your birth parents just couldn't deal with it so they gave you up and underwent years of counseling from sportsshrink to recover. I hope I'm wrong.

[GoHuge]

When my sister and I were 12 and 13 our mom gave us up and our step mom adopted us. The custody battle between my parents was what most people say was the ugliest one they had ever seen…….mostly because of our step mom. She didn’t do it because she loved us, she did it because she hated my mom, is an evil person, and just wanted to win. I remember it like it was yesterday. We were at the courthouse sitting in a room with my dad, step mom, and their attorney. The two of us had no idea what the hell was going on……..then my mom and her attorney walked in. Everyone was sitting at this big table and they began telling us that my mom was giving us up and our step mom was going to adopt us. We were balling our eyes out begging our mom not to do this and she couldn’t even look at us as it was all going down. She signed some papers and got up and walked out. My dad and step mom got married when I was 3 so she had been in my life pretty much the entire time. She treated us like we were step kids compared to the way she treated us compared to my step brother and two younger brothers that she had had with my dad. They then told us how our step mom was going to be our mom and all of us kids were going to be treated the same and blah, blah, blah. We bought in because we were kids and believed shit when our parents told us something. Yeah that lasted like a month and then back to the way it had always been. For years everyone that was around and older than us told us that we needed to here her side of the story at some point. I was so bitter because she had left us to fend for ourselves with our step mom knowing full well what type of person she was.

When I was around 21 the girl I had been dating for a couple of years really started pushing me to try and find her. Mainly because she said if we were going to have kids someday she didn’t want our kids to be treated like second-class citizens in our family like we were compared to her kids. I completely understood and didn’t ever want my kids to wonder why grandma treated the other grandkids a lot better than them. One day I finally got the nerve up and we got out the phone book (internet people finding didn’t really exist like it does now 10 years ago) looking for her name and we knew she had been remarried and knew her married name. We got about 7-8 numbers of possible matches. We got in my truck and went and just sat in some parking lot and began calling. I’d never been so ****in nervous in my life. Almost threw up before dialing the first number. We called them all and nothing. After her and I broke up I didn’t pursue it any further. My sister and I talked about it from time-to-time, but I really just didn’t give a shit anymore. Had been 10+ years and never heard a peep……..not once. My relationship with my step mom got worse the older I got and only put up with her to be around my dad. My sister wanted to know what happened a lot more than I did and I suspect it was probably because she now had kids of her own.

One day she called me and told me “she talked to mom.” Took me a few minutes to realize it was actually mom and not the step mom we called mom. She told me how they had talked on the phone for 3 hours and talked about everything that happened. Said she never made any excuses about doing what she did and would spend the rest of her life trying to make it up to us. She wanted my number to call me, but my sister told her that she would pass her number on to me and let me do with it what I wanted. Her husband had never had kids and was thrilled with the whole situation and the thought of having grandkids. Well they talked again the next night and I heard all about that as well. The most god damn craziest thing happened that next morning. Her husband went outside to go to work, sat down in his car, and before he turned the keys had a massive heart attack and died on the spot. Needless to say there was already more than enough drama surrounding the whole thing and this just took it to a whole other level. My sister didn’t go to the funeral which was three days later because she just didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what to tell her. What go and meet the family that had heard about you for over 10 years at their son’s funeral? Well the next weekend they went down and saw/met her and had a hell of a good time. She told me about dream scenario I had always hoped for and that huge piece of my sister’s life that was missing had been found. It took me about 2 weeks before I called because I realized it was something I was missing too and didn’t know it until hearing about it from my sister. I called her and wasn’t the least bit nervous and we talked for over an hour. Talked a couple more times that week and went down there to her house with my sister and her family that weekend. When I saw her we just hugged and shed some tears, but I didn’t feel the need to have the talk about everything that happened and hear her explanation because I heard it all form my sister. We stayed that weekend and it really was amazing. The crazy part was we had been out of her life for almost fifteen years and as soon as we got back in touch her husband dies 2 days later. Not really a religious person, but it sure as hell made you think about the whole “God works in mysterious ways thing.” She never would have made it without us being there at that moment. She really struggled with the whole thing……but not in a resentful way. Was more like she wished we would have gotten to know the love of her life and that we could have had the chance for all of us to be a family. Was hard for her, but she always made it known she would be lost if we weren’t back in her life right then. That summer we met cousins we didn’t know existed along with all of her husband’s family which was tough because my sister and I wondered if they thought we might have had something to do with dying just because of the timing, but of course they didn’t. Just made you think about it because a lot of people just look to assign blame when something awful happens in their life. It was all great and a huge void was filled for sure.

Was this way for 3-4 years and then something changed about a year ago with her. Don’t know if it was just the new wearing off or what, but she started becoming distant again. Started feeling the same way it did about the time she gave us up. I had gone down and spent a weekend with her about this time last year and we just hung out like normal and everything seemed fine. Her brother had been diagnosed with cancer and was given less than a year to live. They didn’t get along at all and this guy was a redneck dirtbag that did some really lets just call it “bad shit” to my mom when they were growing up. I hated him and had no desire to have a relationship with him. He lived in Arkansas anyway so he wasn’t really around. Her other brother lived here in KC and he was awesome. He was around all the time and his relationship with his brother was about the same as my mom’s was. I had never met the guy again after we had become part of my mom’s life again so I hadn’t seen him in 25 years and didn’t know him. After my mom told me what he had said about my niece and nephew (my brother-in-law is one of my best friends and is half black so his kids are a quarter black). He told my mom “I just can’t believe you’ve got a couple n**ger kids as grandchildren.” Of course I never told my sister or him about it because it wouldn’t have been anything but destructive, but the dude was officially dead to me when I heard that. About a month after I had gone down there that last time they found out he only had about 10 days. My mom texted my sister and said “my brother is going to be dead in 10 days if you even care.” We were both just like WTF? Well he died like that next Wednesday, but we didn’t know about it until Friday when my uncle called and told us about it. Let us know the funeral was on Saturday (which was tomorrow in Arkansas on top of it). Well of course if we knew about it on that Wednesday day of course we would have made plans to go (only for support for our mom), but weren’t given the opportunity. There just wasn’t anyway we could pack up for two days and head to Arkansas for a funeral of a man we didn’t know and had about 18 hours notice. Her and my uncle both completely understood and they just thought it would be weird as hell meeting a bunch of family at their father’s funeral. Well after that I tried to call her that next week and never got a call back. My sister and I both tried for several weeks and then months and couldn’t get any reply back. She did text my sister on her birthday in July, but we have heard from her since. I was going to wait and see what happened on my birthday and when that came and went reality started setting in. I called her best friend and talked to her about it and she said my mom hadn’t said a thing to her about it. She didn’t really think about it until I called her and she realized she hadn’t seen us in like 9 months. She told me she was going to call my mom to find out what was going on and was going to call me back the next day……..never got that call.

After giving her the opportunity to be a part of our lives again she was bought in 100 % for about 4 years and then she started drifting away and is gone again with no explanation. My sister and I have talked about it and what we were always afraid might happen ended up happening. She didn’t say she didn’t want us back in her life right away, but over the course of time that’s how it played out. We’ve decided we won’t give her a third chance………especially now that we have my niece and nephew to think about. They ask “when are we going to granny’s house?” What do you say to that?

Anyway sorry so long. Thanks for indulging me. Needed to get that off my chest. That phone call from her friend that didn’t come was only about a month ago. Still kind of fresh. I would suggest that anybody that has questions or wonders about why whatever happened in your situation with you parent happened I would still suggest doing it. If you don’t you will always be left asking why. Some people need it answered and I know some that are just fine with not knowing. I found out that some people just aren’t cut out or don’t want to be parents. I’m glad I found out though. Blamed it mostly on my step mom being an evil person and gave my mom a pass that she didn’t deserve. As empty as my relationship can be and was at times throughout my life she’s the one that is and always has been there. I wish you luck and hope you find out what you need to know.

[Silock]

Do not check google or bing. They have no idea who your genetic parents are nor would they be able to locate someone providing a service to locate them.

I'm not going to pay someone, and I'd rather get info from someone who's done it before on here, not some super-rando from the internet.

[Silock]

If you were born in Kansas you are lucky. You can access all the information without having to go through the courts.

Texas. I guess I'd have to look there.

[Rukdafaidas]

I'm not exactly sure why, but I find this to be one of the most interesting threads I've ever read here. The stories are intriguing to say the least.

I do too. I don't think I've seen an adoption thread on CP before, which is hard to believe. I think the reason why it's probably so interesting is because it's not something that is talked about much.
My wife and one of my best friends are both adopted. Neither have done any research into finding their birth parents. They both have great adopted parents and I think that's one of the reasons they don't investigate. I think they feel that they might hurt their adopted parents feelings if they knew that they wanted to find their birth parents.
My wife has also mentioned that she's worried about the possible outcome.

[patteeu]

I do too. I don't think I've seen an adoption thread on CP before, which is hard to believe. I think the reason why it's probably so interesting is because it's not something that is talked about much.
My wife and one of my best friends are both adopted. Neither have done any research into finding their birth parents. They both have great adopted parents and I think that's one of the reasons they don't investigate. I think they feel that they might hurt their adopted parents feelings if they knew that they wanted to find their birth parents.
My wife has also mentioned that she's worried about the possible outcome.

It's got to be the case that more often than not adoptive parents are superior to the ones who had to or chose to give the kids up. I can understand the curiosity, but it's probably pretty rare that kids who were adopted find greener grass on the other side of the fence.

It sounds like dirk has a good mindset in that regard going into this in that he has a good relationship with his real (as opposed to blood) parents.

[dirk digler]

Don't listen to these feel good stories and let them get your hopes up, dirk. It's equally likely that you were a brain damaged hermaphrodite who underwent neonatal gender assignment surgery and your birth parents just couldn't deal with it so they gave you up and underwent years of counseling from sportsshrink to recover. I hope I'm wrong.

LMAO

No wonder I am screwed up :)

[King_Chief_Fan]

From my perspective the only value in finding the people who gave you up is for medical history purposes. You want to know what might have been passed to you and what you might pass to your children.

[dirk digler]

It's got to be the case that more often than not adoptive parents are superior to the ones who had to or chose to give the kids up. I can understand the curiosity, but it's probably pretty rare that kids who were adopted find greener grass on the other side of the fence.

It sounds like dirk has a good mindset in that regard going into this in that he has a good relationship with his real (as opposed to blood) parents.

I do have a great relationship with my parents they are the only ones I have ever known and will forever be my parents.

I will add that it was at my parents suggestion that I do this. My dad is 80 and my mom 75, with Parkinson's, and I have had a few friends did suddenly around my age. So they wanted me to find out my medical history and had no problems with me pursuing this.

I know I am very lucky.

[GoHuge]

From my perspective the only value in finding the people who gave you up is for medical history purposes. You want to know what might have been passed to you and what you might pass to your children.Given my experience I'm back in this boat. There is no reason no matter what is happening in your life that would justify giving your kids up. Carrying a kid and putting it up for adoption is a completely different deal though in my book. That is the only exception as far as i'm concerned.

[Fat Elvis]

It's got to be the case that more often than not adoptive parents are superior to the ones who had to or chose to give the kids up. I can understand the curiosity, but it's probably pretty rare that kids who were adopted find greener grass on the other side of the fence.

It sounds like dirk has a good mindset in that regard going into this in that he has a good relationship with his real (as opposed to blood) parents.

It isn't a matter of whether or not one set of parents is "superior" to the other; It is the natural curiosity of wondering "where did I come from?" If you haven't been adopted, you simply cannot understand that question. I would also argue that if you are truly secure with your relationship with your adoptive parents-and that they are secure in their role in your life, they would understand that question and support a search for the biological parents. Adoption should never be, first and foremost, an act of altruism; it should be an act of love. A loving set of parents, either biological or adoptive, understands that the search and reunion isn't an either/or proposition where the child picks one family over the other, but rather an expansion of the family.

[Inspector]

My birth parents tried to adopt me out many, many years ago but couldn't find anyone to take a 19 year old.

They procrastinated a lot.

[MOhillbilly]

My birth parents tried to adopt me out many, many years ago but couldn't find anyone to take a 19 year old.

They procrastinated a lot.

my mom tried to give me to gypsies many many times.

[Saul Good]

This times eleventybillion.

My wife is adopted, as is her brother. Her mom (the one who adopted her) became a huge crusader for birth rights, and went so far as to end up in Washington chairing some committee on it. They eventually tracked down both childrens' birth mothers. Regardless of whether you have an emotional reason for wanting to meet them, for medical reasons every child should have the right to know who their parents are and get that vital medical information.

Not trying to be flippant, but why do you think that people have the right to know about the health history of other people? Limiting the rights of mothers who give up their kids for adoption just encourages these women to abort or abandon their children.

I'm all for Dirk going about this in just the manner he has chosen, but when you start talking about a person's "right" to get private medical information about a stranger, that is crossing a line.

[patteeu]

It isn't a matter of whether or not one set of parents is "superior" to the other; It is the natural curiosity of wondering "where did I come from?" If you haven't been adopted, you simply cannot understand that question. I would also argue that if you are truly secure with your relationship with your adoptive parents-and that they are secure in their role in your life, they would understand that question and support a search for the biological parents. Adoption should never be, first and foremost, an act of altruism; it should be an act of love. A loving set of parents, either biological or adoptive, understands that the search and reunion isn't an either/or proposition where the child picks one family over the other, but rather an expansion of the family.

It's both. Curiosity is surely the most common motive for seeking out a birth parent (as opposed to hoping that they're potential wealthy benefactors), but that doesn't change the fact that your real parents and your birth parents are going to have different characteristics and one set of characteristics will likely be superior to the other. Here are some examples:

Your birth mother is more likely to be a crack whore than your real mother.

Your birth mother is more likely to be incarcerated than your real mother.

Your birth mother is more likely to not be interested in have anything to do with you than your real mother.

Your birth mother is more likely to be homeless or stuck in poverty than your real mother.

IMO, all of these are examples, albeit extreme ones, of what I mean about a real parent being superior to the birth parent.

[dirk digler]

Ok I received my non-id information this morning so this is what I have found out so far.

This part is my opinion or perception:

My mom is a good person who did what she thought was best. My birth father was a prick.

The facts:

My birth mom was a blonde pretty Methodist and my birth father was an Italian catholic who was also a PE Teacher and a salesman. My birth grandfather owned a dry cleaning business in KC and served with the Air Force in WWII. My birth mother has 2 sisters about the same age. My birth mother right now should be 64.

They met and dated 5 months until she got pregnant. After that he wanted nothing to do with her and when he tried to contact him he told her to do all the talking through his attorney.

She lived with her parents through the entire pregnancy so they could hide it. The reason why she gave me up was She stated that she doesn't feel she could give me the security and advantages of a normal home life.

[dirk digler]

Not trying to be flippant, but why do you think that people have the right to know about the health history of other people? Limiting the rights of mothers who give up their kids for adoption just encourages these women to abort or abandon their children.

I'm all for Dirk going about this in just the manner he has chosen, but when you start talking about a person's "right" to get private medical information about a stranger, that is crossing a line.

I understand your position Saul but I think there could be way which the necessary information could be provided that wouldn't violate privacy issues.

An example could be no personal identification and just basic information like does the person have a history of heart disease, cancer, etc

[ThaVirus]

Not trying to be flippant, but why do you think that people have the right to know about the health history of other people? Limiting the rights of mothers who give up their kids for adoption just encourages these women to abort or abandon their children.

I'm all for Dirk going about this in just the manner he has chosen, but when you start talking about a person's "right" to get private medical information about a stranger, that is crossing a line.

I'm confused, are you saying Dirk (and any other adopted child for that matter) shouldn't have the right to know about their birth parent's medical history?

If that's what you're saying, how do you justify that? I'd think that's some pretty pertinent information once you hit your 40s and hereditary issues might become a problem.

[Iowanian]

Did this information come through a conversation with her via the mediator, or is that kind of explanation in a document somewhere?

[Phobia]

Not trying to be flippant, but why do you think that people have the right to know about the health history of other people? Limiting the rights of mothers who give up their kids for adoption just encourages these women to abort or abandon their children.

I'm all for Dirk going about this in just the manner he has chosen, but when you start talking about a person's "right" to get private medical information about a stranger, that is crossing a line.

If you pop out of the vagina of another individual, you've been properly introduced.

[dirk digler]

Did this information come through a conversation with her via the mediator, or is that kind of explanation in a document somewhere?

This was in the adoption file. I guess Catholic Charities does a full interview and gets background information prior to the adoption. All the names, dates, and places were blanked out.

[Saul Good]

I'm confused, are you saying Dirk (and any other adopted child for that matter) shouldn't have the right to know about their birth parent's medical history?

If that's what you're saying, how do you justify that? I'd think that's some pretty pertinent information once you hit your 40s and hereditary issues might become a problem.

Yes. That is what I am saying. It is a good thing to know, and I am in favor of it being shared, but it isn't anyone's "right" to know another person's medical history.

Its pretty easy for me to justify a person's right to privacy. This goes for all adults, not just those who were adopted as children.

[ThaVirus]

Yes. That is what I am saying. It is a good thing to know, and I am in favor of it being shared, but it isn't anyone's "right" to know another person's medical history.

Its pretty easy for me to justify a person's right to privacy. This goes for all adults, not just those who were adopted as children.

Well this isn't like ME trying to find Dirk's parent's medical history for no apparent reason- This is THEIR CHILD that may receive any kind of genetic issues that THEY MAY HAVE PASSED ON TO HIM. He's no stranger to them, in my opinion. How do you justify keeping vital information private that could potentially prevent tons of stress/expenses or even save another's life?

[ThaVirus]

The right to privacy takes a backseat to the health and preservation of others' lives, is what I'm getting at. As a parent that's given up a child, YOU OWE THEM AT LEAST THAT MUCH...

[dirk digler]

The right to privacy takes a backseat to the health and preservation of others' lives, is what I'm getting at. As a parent that's given up a child, YOU OWE THEM AT LEAST THAT MUCH...

I agree. Unfortunately in most states including MO if the parents don't want to tell them they don't have to. My advocate says it has happened before though it doesn't happen often.

[Saul Good]

The right to privacy takes a backseat to the health and preservation of others' lives, is what I'm getting at. As a parent that's given up a child, YOU OWE THEM AT LEAST THAT MUCH...

Its a moral imperative, but its not a legal obligation, nor should it be. Nobody has any legal obligation to their child 30 years down the road.

[ThaVirus]

Its a moral imperative, but its not a legal obligation, nor should it be. Nobody has any legal obligation to their child 30 years down the road.

What's the big deal about giving up your medical information? That may be the reason why I'm not understanding your base... My mother's side of the family has been known to have issues with pancreatic and breast cancer while those on my dad's side have had issues with heart disease and diabetes. I fail to see how divulging that information could harm me in anyway- but I do see how it could be vital in preventing myself (and my kids) future health problems.

So in essence we have a few options here:
1. Keep info to yourself- seemingly get nothing from it. Child could experience preventable health problems down the road.
2. Give info. You're no worse for wear while your child is saved from assloads of hospital fees and potentially even death.

[patteeu]

Its a moral imperative, but its not a legal obligation, nor should it be. Nobody has any legal obligation to their child 30 years down the road.

I agree with Saul on this. My parents could refuse to give me their medical info if they wanted to so I don't see why that would change if they had given me up for adoption.

[ThaVirus]

I agree with Saul on this. My parents could refuse to give me their medical info if they wanted to so I don't see why that would change if they had given me up for adoption.

I'm aware that its not illegal to withhold that information- its been stated several times in this thread that most states don't mandate the release of these records. I'm just curious how, morally speaking, you can justify that...

[Phobia]

I don't think you should have complete access to your parents' medical information - just the items which have been proven to be genetically relavent.

[ChiefsCountry]

But the lawyers wouldn't get their big fees to get this information like they do now, so thus no law change.

[patteeu]

I'm aware that its not illegal to withhold that information- its been stated several times in this thread that most states don't mandate the release of these records. I'm just curious how, morally speaking, you can justify that...

No one is trying to justify it morally. What Saul said is that it shouldn't be a right of the child to force the parent to divulge their private medical history.

[TrebMaxx]

I was adopted by my stepfather at age 4 along with my sister who was 6 at the time. My biological father was basically blackmailed into letting us go due to the fact he was behind in child support and did not have the means at that time to make the payments. He was given the choice - suffer the legal consequences or give the kids up and the legal issues will go away. He choose the latter and walked out of our lives. We did not know all that was going on at the time we just thought he left us. Unfortunately my stepfather turned out to be a totally abusive douche bag. Growing up was hell, for both my sister and myself. I think during those years I built up quite a bit of resentment towards my biological father for letting us go.

When I was a senior in high school one night while working at a fast food joint a customer came in and said to me across the counter "Hi there son." There standing before me was my biological father. What a shock that was after no contact for so many years. I took a break and sat down with him while he ate and we talked. He wanted to reconnect but I still had that resentment towards him and I wasn't too sure about that. I told him that after all the time that had passed I would need some time to get my emotions in check. He seemed to understand and backed off. We exchanged addresses. He gave me his phone number, I did not reciprocate (before cell phones), and he told me to call if I ever needed anything. I thought that would probably be the end of it.

Over the years he has never given up and I can say that although we are not close and contact is rare we did have a night where he came and stayed with my wife and I. I was able to tell him my feelings which he understood and he told me his side of the story. The choice he was given, the returned birthday and Christmas cards, etc. My mother actually confirmed all that he told me but blamed the stepfather(she divorced him when I was 17). I am glad we were able to have that night. I still can't call him dad but realize he was put in a bad situation at a young age and my resentment has faded. As time moves along we do see each other what seems like a little more each year and that's cool.

A few months back he called to let me know that he had Esophageal cancer and wanted me to know so I could make sure to let my doctor know and to get checked out. I am glad for that. I did get checked and I'm clean but it is something that I will need to keep an eye on. If he had not kept trying to build some type of relationship I would never have known. Oh, for his Esophageal cancer, they caught it early and he says everything is good now. Well there is my story. Not much help to Dirk, but it does say something about the importance of your parents medical histories.

[Pitt Gorilla]

I was adopted by my stepfather at age 4 along with my sister who was 6 at the time. My biological father was basically blackmailed into letting us go due to the fact he was behind in child support and did not have the means at that time to make the payments. He was given the choice - suffer the legal consequences or give the kids up and the legal issues will go away. He choose the latter and walked out of our lives. We did not know all that was going on at the time we just thought he left us. Unfortunately my stepfather turned out to be a totally abusive douche bag. Growing up was hell, for both my sister and myself. I think during those years I built up quite a bit of resentment towards my biological father for letting us go.

When I was a senior in high school one night while working at a fast food joint a customer came in and said to me across the counter "Hi there son." There standing before me was my biological father. What a shock that was after no contact for so many years. I took a break and sat down with him while he ate and we talked. He wanted to reconnect but I still had that resentment towards him and I wasn't too sure about that. I told him that after all the time that had passed I would need some time to get my emotions in check. He seemed to understand and backed off. We exchanged addresses. He gave me his phone number, I did not reciprocate (before cell phones), and he told me to call if I ever needed anything. I thought that would probably be the end of it.

Over the years he has never given up and I can say that although we are not close and contact is rare we did have a night where he came and stayed with my wife and I. I was able to tell him my feelings which he understood and he told me his side of the story. The choice he was given, the returned birthday and Christmas cards, etc. My mother actually confirmed all that he told me but blamed the stepfather(she divorced him when I was 17). I am glad we were able to have that night. I still can't call him dad but realize he was put in a bad situation at a young age and my resentment has faded. As time moves along we do see each other what seems like a little more each year and that's cool.

A few months back he called to let me know that he had Esophageal cancer and wanted me to know so I could make sure to let my doctor know and to get checked out. I am glad for that. I did get checked and I'm clean but it is something that I will need to keep an eye on. If he had not kept trying to build some type of relationship I would never have known. Oh, for his Esophageal cancer, they caught it early and he says everything is good now. Well there is my story. Not much help to Dirk, but it does say something about the importance of your parents medical histories.Your mom really screwed you over.

[Saul Good]

I'm aware that its not illegal to withhold that information- its been stated several times in this thread that most states don't mandate the release of these records. I'm just curious how, morally speaking, you can justify that...

I can't justify it morally. In fact, I called it a moral imperative.

[Mr. Kotter]

Haven't read the thread, David. Best wishes to you though, dude. :thumb:

[BIG_DADDY]

Best of luck to you bro. That's pretty cool. :thumb:

[Fat Elvis]

It's both. Curiosity is surely the most common motive for seeking out a birth parent (as opposed to hoping that they're potential wealthy benefactors), but that doesn't change the fact that your real parents and your birth parents are going to have different characteristics and one set of characteristics will likely be superior to the other. Here are some examples:

Your birth mother is more likely to be a crack whore than your real mother.

Your birth mother is more likely to be incarcerated than your real mother.

Your birth mother is more likely to not be interested in have anything to do with you than your real mother.

Your birth mother is more likely to be homeless or stuck in poverty than your real mother.

IMO, all of these are examples, albeit extreme ones, of what I mean about a real parent being superior to the birth parent.

Those are rather specious examples you provide. The truth of the matter is that, more often than not, the birth mother is young and felt that the best thing they could do for the child at the time is let someone else, who they hope, provide for their child. Alcoholism, drug abuse, homelessness, poverty, apathy, etc. doesn't just affect birth mothers it affects all spectrums of the populations equally whether birth parent or adoptive parent.

[Buehler445]

I haven't been on much and missed this thread. I agree this is very interesting, and I didn't know that many people on here were adopted. That's freaking fantastic. That means the system works.

Best of luck DD. I'll keep you in my thoughts.
Posted via Mobile Device

[Chiefshrink]

Have you found out if your "birth mother" will meet with you?

There are many questions and many emotions that go with those questions.

All I can say is if she will meet with you is one word...."GRACE".

At this point you really don't know why she gave you up and that's probably the biggest question you have next to who is your father.

Hopefully it will be the beginning of a healing process for both of you. If she will meet with you I'm sure she has tons of guilt,shame and most of all regret that she has suffered with to this point that she wants to get rid of by expressing her true remorse of not being able to be there for you. And likewise your life long pain of knowing your "birthmother" gave you up.

You both have feelings that need to be processed for sure. Of course you can't change the past but you can always create the future still. That is of course both of you are willing.

Also be ready for not getting the kind of answers you want because maybe she is a "trainwreck". Potential 'indifference' on her part because she is curious enough to meet but maybe not emotionally mature enough to feel her own pain of remorse for what she did to you by giving you up.

On the flipside she may respond in way that is totally open, accepting and will take full responsibility and will answer all your questions. That's a big thing is have your questions ready.

Be ready mentally and emotionally for anything is all I can say and give as much GRACE as you can.

I will pray for you.

[patteeu]

Have you found out if your "birth mother" will meet with you?

There are many questions and many emotions that go with those questions.

All I can say is if she will meet with you is one word...."GRACE".

At this point you really don't know why she gave you up and that's probably the biggest question you have next to who is your father.

Hopefully it will be the beginning of a healing process for both of you. If she will meet with you I'm sure she has tons of guilt,shame and most of all regret that she has suffered with to this point that she wants to get rid of by expressing her true remorse of not being able to be there for you. And likewise your life long pain of knowing your "birthmother" gave you up.

You both have feelings that need to be processed for sure. Of course you can't change the past but you can always create the future still. That is of course both of you are willing.

Also be ready for not getting the kind of answers you want because maybe she is a "trainwreck". Potential 'indifference' on her part because she is curious enough to meet but maybe not emotionally mature enough to feel her own pain of remorse for what she did to you by giving you up.

On the flipside she may respond in way that is totally open, accepting and will take full responsibility and will answer all your questions. That's a big thing is have your questions ready.

Be ready mentally and emotionally for anything is all I can say and give as much GRACE as you can.

I will pray for you.

Excellent post, sportsshrink. :thumb:

[patteeu]

Those are rather specious examples you provide. The truth of the matter is that, more often than not, the birth mother is young and felt that the best thing they could do for the child at the time is let someone else, who they hope, provide for their child. Alcoholism, drug abuse, homelessness, poverty, apathy, etc. doesn't just affect birth mothers it affects all spectrums of the populations equally whether birth parent or adoptive parent.

It's absurd to believe that social problems like these are distributed evenly across those two groups.

[Chiefshrink]

I am really interested Dirk and let me/us know what happens that is if you feel comfortable and when you are ready:thumb:

[Chiefshrink]

It's absurd to believe that social problems like these are distributed evenly across those two groups.

You are correct. Although all these "societal ills" show up in every socio-economic class of our society, no way in hell they are distributed evenly:eek:

I can attest to that!!;)

[Old Dog]

This is probably one of the most interesting threads on CP IMO.
It is amazing to me also how many folks we have on here who are adopted. I wouldn't have thought the number to be nearly as high as it is.

[Rausch]

So I have decided to find my birth parents...

If you dig long enough you'll find dirt.


And no one can convince you otherwise until you go through it all but you'll come right back to appreciating the parents who raised you even more...

[RustShack]

Have you tried adding her on Facebook yet? Maybe see if she will accept your friend request first then go from there..

[dirk digler]

I am really interested Dirk and let me/us know what happens that is if you feel comfortable and when you are ready:thumb:

Thank you. I do feel comfortable I have never hid the fact I was adopted well except from CP. :)

As to earlier question in your first post I don't know yet if she wants to meet yet. She should be receiving a letter any time now, if she hasn't already. So I am thinking I should know in the next week or so.

As far as the reason why she gave me up as I stated in post #160 she told Catholic Charities it is because "She stated that she doesn't feel she could give me the security and advantages of a normal home life."

Since I have received all this information yesterday I have been constantly thinking about this and I am just hoping my birth father has softened after 40 years because if one of them says no I don't learn jack squat.

[Rausch]

Have you tried adding her on Facebook yet? Maybe see if she will accept your friend request first then go from there..

If I were going to write a book on a fucked up serial killer this would be the basis for his "snap"...

[dirk digler]

If you dig long enough you'll find dirt.


And no one can convince you otherwise until you go through it all but you'll come right back to appreciating the parents who raised you even more...

Of course. I love my parents and that will never change even if I do meet my birth parents. I will always call them Mom and Dad.

[Fairplay]

What if you found her but she really doesn't look like her would you ask her to do a DNA test?

You wouldn't want to waste hugs on kisses on a stranger.

[dirk digler]

Have you tried adding her on Facebook yet? Maybe see if she will accept your friend request first then go from there..

Ummmm...I don't even know her name

What if you found her but she really doesn't look like her would you ask her to do a DNA test?

You wouldn't want to waste hugs on kisses on a stranger.

I don't know what she looks like I was born then given up.

[Rausch]

Of course. I love my parents and that will never change even if I do meet my birth parents. I will always call them Mom and Dad.

Were you happy with your childhood?

I mean, you have no complaints with the people who raised you?

[dirk digler]

Were you happy with your childhood?

I mean, you have no complaints with the people who raised you?

Yep. No complaints

[Fritz88]

Of course. I love my parents and that will never change even if I do meet my birth parents. I will always call them Mom and Dad.

Son...
Posted via Mobile Device

[DaneMcCloud]

I only know one person that was adopted.

He's an extremely successful guy that's big into surfing, skiing and outdoorsy activities. As much as he loved his adoptive parents (and his adopted sister), a few years back, he set out to find his birth parents.

As it turned out, his birth father is also extremely successful and enjoys the outdoors. He owns a yacht and has taken my friend on several ocean journeys since and he now knows why he likes certain things that his adoptive parents don't.

The biggest problem he's faced is that his adoptive parents have since divorced, as have his biological parents. So in essence, he has four sets of parents, which can be confusing (and often confuses the hell out of me when we talk!).

DD, I hope your experience is similarly satisfying.

[Fairplay]

No Dirk, i meant if she claims to be your mom but looking at her you can't see any family resemblance at all.

Would you have her do a DNA test to make sure?

[Chiefshrink]

As far as the reason why she gave me up as I stated in post #160 she told Catholic Charities it is because "She stated that she doesn't feel she could give me the security and advantages of a normal home life."

Since I have received all this information yesterday I have been constantly thinking about this and I am just hoping my birth father has softened after 40 years because if one of them says no I don't learn jack squat.

This is a positive if true. Sometime agencies will try to soften up the blow for the "adopted" knowing some will come looking. But I suspect this is true because you did land in the hands of Catholic Charities which means she does have some sense of a good moral compass. You can definitely get the "skinny" from her when you meet as you ask it for yourself and based on her answer and her demeanor when she tells you, you will know whether what she says is true or not.

I say "when you meet". I have a very positive feeling you will meet 'BUT' don't be surprised if it takes her awhile or a long time to respond to your letter. Whether you realize it or not you just hit her with a "bombshell" as well just like you felt when you realized she was alive. Give her time to process herself as well so she can give you what you want.

And as I said before, be prepared to not ever get a reply from her and that is the chance you take. But as many have already commented you already have your "real parents". Praise God for His Mercy on You!!

And if she never replies, still Praise God she still had enough of a moral compass to give you to the church as opposed to a back alley heaven forbid.... well you know.

40yrs? You are 40? '71'? So the "birth father" has to approve first of you meeting with her?

[dirk digler]

No Dirk, i meant if she claims to be your mom but looking at her you can't see any family resemblance at all.

Would you have her do a DNA test to make sure?

Probably not because I bet I look more like my birth dad. I am more tan\dark skinned and she was fair skin and blonde.

[Chiefshrink]

No Dirk, i meant if she claims to be your mom but looking at her you can't see any family resemblance at all.

Would you have her do a DNA test to make sure?

Are you serious? There are alot of siblings who don't look anything like their "birth mother". How do you know Dirk doesn't look like his "birth father"?

Not trying to be condescending here.

[dirk digler]

This is a positive if true. Sometime agencies will try to soften up the blow for the "adopted" knowing some will come looking. But I suspect this is true because you did land in the hands of Catholic Charities which means she does have some sense of a good moral compass. You can definitely get the "skinny" from her when you meet as you ask it for yourself and based on her answer and her demeanor when she tells you, you will know whether what she says is true or not.

I say "when you meet". I have a very positive feeling you will meet 'BUT' don't be surprised if it takes her awhile or a long time to respond to your letter. Whether you realize it or not you just hit her with a "bombshell" as well just like you felt when you realized she was alive. Give her time to process herself as well so she can give you what you want.

And as I said before, be prepared to not ever get a reply from her and that is the chance you take. But as many have already commented you already have your "real parents". Praise God for His Mercy on You!!

And if she never replies, still Praise God she still had enough of a moral compass to give you to the church as opposed to a back alley heaven forbid.... well you know.

40yrs? You are 40? '71'? So the "birth father" has to approve first of you meeting with her?

All very true. I know I am about to turn her life upside down but then again I guess when you let go of a child I bet most parents expect to be looked up at some point.

I was born in 70. By MO law if you were born before 1986 BOTH parents have to consent to release personal information.

[Demonpenz]

"my name is Sue! How do you do? Now you're gunna die!"

[Stram fan]

I didn't read the entire thread, but I have a nephew out there somewhere that I often wonder about. He would be about 45 or so now. My oldest sister got pregnant, and my parents being (at least Mom) pretty devoted Catholics, sent her to a convent to have the baby. I was never told, and there were some big arguements over it, my Mom wanted to keep and raise the child, but he was adotped in the end at my father's insistance.

I didn't even know about it until 15 years ago or so. His mother would love to meet him, as would the entire family, but he has not opened the door to that, so until he does, we are only left to wonder about him. Hopefully he has lead a happy and rewarding life, and that's why he hasn't tried to contact us.

My sister tried to bury the memory, but after some time, she changed her mind and wanted to know him. Her daughter tried to find him with no luck, when he was adopted it was one of those no contact type deals. He is my parent's first grandchild. Lots of pain and regret over the whole thing.

My family would absolutely welcome his presence in our lives. I doubt that will ever happen.

[savchief]

Not trying to be flippant, but why do you think that people have the right to know about the health history of other people? Limiting the rights of mothers who give up their kids for adoption just encourages these women to abort or abandon their children.

I'm all for Dirk going about this in just the manner he has chosen, but when you start talking about a person's "right" to get private medical information about a stranger, that is crossing a line.

Just came back to this thread today and saw this. I'm not getting a "strangers" medical history. I'm getting MY medical history. go ask your parents what your family's medical history is...that's your history, you benefit from knowing it. It could save your ass one day. I have the right to know MY medical history that effects my health and well-being. Being told by strangers in the state government that I can't have that information is "crossing a line". I hear the mantra all the time about "taking personal responsibilty for your actions"...well this is just personal responsibility coming back to kick you in the ass 50 years later. They should suck it up and pass on the information.

[Saul Good]

Just came back to this thread today and saw this. I'm not getting a "strangers" medical history. I'm getting MY medical history. go ask your parents what your family's medical history is...that's your history, you benefit from knowing it. It could save your ass one day. I have the right to know MY medical history that effects my health and well-being. Being told by strangers in the state government that I can't have that information is "crossing a line". I hear the mantra all the time about "taking personal responsibilty for your actions"...well this is just personal responsibility coming back to kick you in the ass 50 years later. They should suck it up and pass on the information.

You are interchanging the concepts of what they SHOULD do with what you have a RIGHT to obtain. It doesn't matter if they are strangers or not. You do not have the right to invade someone else's privacy even if that information could help you.

Beyond a certain age, adult parents have no legal obligation to their offspring regardless of whether the children were raised by them or given up for adoption. This really isn't that difficult a concept.

[dirk digler]

It has been one month since my birth mother was notified that I was wanting information but I haven't heard anything back.

sigh....

At the minimum all I was wanting was some medical information but it seems that is even difficult for her and not something I fully understand.

[seclark]

It has been one month since my birth mother was notified that I was wanting information but I haven't heard anything back.

sigh....

At the minimum all I was wanting was some medical information but it seems that is even difficult for her and not something I fully understand.

hate to hear it. maybe give it some more time?
sec

[MOhillbilly]

id just move on. its never as good as you build it up to be.

[dirk digler]

hate to hear it. maybe give it some more time?
sec

Oh I am but I just don't understand if you don't want contact at the minimum the least you can do is let me know what if any critical health issues you might have.

[blaise]

It has been one month since my birth mother was notified that I was wanting information but I haven't heard anything back.

sigh....

At the minimum all I was wanting was some medical information but it seems that is even difficult for her and not something I fully understand.

Do you know for sure she was notified, or was something just sent to her last known address, or what?

[Scorp]

It has been one month since my birth mother was notified that I was wanting information but I haven't heard anything back.

sigh....

At the minimum all I was wanting was some medical information but it seems that is even difficult for her and not something I fully understand.


You might be a rape baby! OK I kid but you see where I am going? It might be just too painful for her to deal with.

[dirk digler]

id just move on. its never as good as you build it up to be.

It is looking that way

[dirk digler]

Do you know for sure she was notified, or was something just sent to her last known address, or what?

I honestly don't know but they haven't received the letter back.

You might be a rape baby! OK I kid but you see where I am going? It might be just too painful for her to deal with.

I guess but she could just give me her medical info and deny any more contact and that would be the end of it.

[Chiefnj2]

It has been one month since my birth mother was notified that I was wanting information but I haven't heard anything back.

sigh....

At the minimum all I was wanting was some medical information but it seems that is even difficult for her and not something I fully understand.

Dirk, I don't want to sound like Robin Williams, but remember it's not your fault. Move on and think positive.

[Buehler445]

Its still pretty early to conclude anything. She may be on vacation or something.
Posted via Mobile Device

[Phobia]

I honestly don't know but they haven't received the letter back.

Well, USPS kinda sucks dude. She wouldn't happen to live anywhere near Chicago, would she? There were some pretty crippling storms in the US in the past couple months.

[Los Pollos Hermanos]

It's too early to give up hope. I dated a girl who found her birth mother while we were dating and it took 3 months from the time the agency mailed the letter to the time when they informed her that her birth mother wrote back. And after they met, her birth mother said that she responded within a week of receiving it.

[Phobia]

Dirk.... I am your fahthuh. /vader breath

[Chiefnj2]

Well, USPS kinda sucks dude. She wouldn't happen to live anywhere near Chicago, would she? There were some pretty crippling storms in the US in the past couple months.

Are you saying his birth mother received a nail gun in the mail and Ed is getting a request for medical records for a child he never knew he had?

[dirk digler]

Dirk.... I am your fahthuh. /vader breath

I guess I got the good looks from my mom :D

[dirk digler]

It's too early to give up hope. I dated a girl who found her birth mother while we were dating and it took 3 months from the time the agency mailed the letter to the time when they informed her that her birth mother wrote back. And after they met, her birth mother said that she responded within a week of receiving it.

I haven't given up hope...yet. I don't know for sure but I am thinking she still lives in KC or in the surrounding area.

[FAX]

Blond and fair? Possibly Catholic? May still live near or in KC? You were born in '70?

I wonder if I know your birth mother, Mr. dirk digler.

FAX

[dirk digler]

Blond and fair? Possibly Catholic? May still live near or in KC? You were born in '70?

I wonder if I know your birth mother, Mr. dirk digler.

FAX

Are you my father?

Yes that is all correct

[Fritz88]

Blond and fair? Possibly Catholic? May still live near or in KC? You were born in '70?

I wonder if I know your birth mother, Mr. dirk digler.

FAX

Dad?
Posted via Mobile Device

[Phobia]

Blond and fair? Possibly Catholic? May still live near or in KC? You were born in '70?

I wonder if I know your birth mother, Mr. dirk digler.

FAX

I can't be certain but my guess is she's short too.

[FAX]

I can't be certain but my guess is she's short too.

Do we know her tittah size?

I swear, if I know this woman, I'm going to freak out.

FAX

[Phobia]

Do we know her tittah size?

I swear, if I know this woman, I'm going to freak out.

FAX

Dirk has a moderate rack, so I would suggest moderate. Though, I still can't really be sure.

[FAX]

Are you my father?

Yes that is all correct

No. Definitely not.

I may have known your aunt, though. Which, if true, I guess, might make me an uncle.

FAX