Gladiator Round 2, Match 7: otter vs. luv

[Rain Man]

Oh, I like this one. It's deadly, and it's entertaining.



otter:

20 sharp small ninja stars

No backup weapon

Time to plan: 79 seconds



luv:


Baseball Bat

Backup weapon: Two fist-sized rocks, one of which has a slightly sharp edge

Special Factor: You're holding a bottle of Jack Daniels

Time to plan: 82 seconds


Venue:

A bouncy castle (no kids present)

Starting distance: 25 feet

[ClevelandBronco]

A couple of errant ninja stars would wreck the castle in short order. That would probably neutralize the baseball bat.

[Otter]

Has Luv been drinking or just holding the bottle?

[Gadzooks]

Fist sized rocks are cool but how's luv's throwing motion? (This may play a part in my ultimate decision).

[Hammock Parties]

Luv chugs the bottle of jack daniels and dies of alcohol poisoning.

[KurtCobain]

luv sure has her hands full in this one.

[Rain Man]

Has Luv been drinking or just holding the bottle?

According to the rules she's just holding it. Once the match starts she can do with it whatever she wishes.

[Gadzooks]

According to the rules she's just holding it. Once the match starts she can do with it whatever she wishes.

Please define "small" ninja stars.
(I saw Krull yesterday)

[Otter]

According to the rules she's just holding it. Once the match starts she can do with it whatever she wishes.

Well, then I'll try to distract with stars, hope Luv doesn't have the coordination to handle rocks and a baseball bat at that distance till I can reach her then a rear naked choke.

Either way Luv I love ya. :D

[Dr. Johnny Fever]

This is a tough one. I don't know if Otter has good aim or not but assuming he does... even if he lands both stars... since they're small they probably aren't kill shots. Flesh wounds only make luv pissed off... however if I'm assuming Otter can land both stars I have to assume luv will swing like a girl (no offense luv) and in the process of trying to get the bat back under control Otter will take it from her and beat her severely about the head and shoulders.

Going with Otter. Sorry luv.

[KurtCobain]

Did you read he has 20 stars, noonan?

And if he doesn't star the bouncey thing flat, this could come down to the better bouncer.

[Otter]

Well, then I'll try to distract with stars, hope Luv doesn't have the coordination to handle rocks and a baseball bat at that distance till I can reach her then a rear naked choke.

Either way Luv I love ya. :D

That kinda of sucks too because I had a grape Gatorade line mixer with the Jack I was gonna use.

[Dr. Johnny Fever]

Did you read he has 20 stars, noonan?

And if he doesn't star the bouncey thing flat, this could come down to the better bouncer.

I misread as 2.... definately Otter then.

[Bugeater]

I find myself doubting otter's ninja capabilities, and outside of the stars he's got nothing. I'm going with the heavily armed woman.

[Easy 6]

Well, we all know girls cant throw worth a damn so the rocks are useless... the question is can she get to Otter & brain him with the bat before he loads her boobs up with cold steel?

[Rain Man]

Please define "small" ninja stars.
(I saw Krull yesterday)

Let's go with a silver dollar with spikes on it.



People should also remember that luv will likely be envisioning otter as her ex-boyfriend. That kind of hate got her a first-round win.

[luv]

I offer the bottle of Jack to Otter, get him drunk, and then crush his head between my rocks.

[johnny961]

Not as clear cut as it looks. Luv throws the bottle of Jack at the wall by otter. Otter, in a valiant attempt to prevent bottle breakage and subsequent alcohol abuse, dives for the bottle and drops the stars while lunging for the bottle. Who knows what happens next.

[Rain Man]

I offer the bottle of Jack to Otter, get him drunk, and then crush his head between my rocks.

Oh, good idea. Classic bait and trap approach that should work well in this situation.

[KurtCobain]

I find myself doubting otter's ninja capabilities, and outside of the stars he's got nothing. I'm going with the heavily armed woman.

Let's say he misses 18 attempts and stops. She bull rushes him. He ducks and gets her in the throat with the stars.

Honestly, if his ninja abilities suck and she comes at him, it's 60-40 her way. She'll be thinking about her ex, and probably smash his brains out.

But for some reason I think otter can hit atleast 6/20(especially if she stops dodging and runs at him) and that's all he'll need.

[luv]

Or I chug the bottle, thus numbing myself to any pain caused by the stars. This gets me close enough to use his head for batting practice.

[KurtCobain]

I offer the bottle of Jack to Otter, get him drunk, and then crush his head between my rocks.

LMAO winner winner!

[luv]

Oh, good idea. Classic bait and trap approach that should work well in this situation.

Heh. I know I'm history.

[Rain Man]

Not as clear cut as it looks. Luv throws the bottle of Jack at the wall by otter. Otter, in a valiant attempt to prevent bottle breakage and subsequent alcohol abuse, dives for the bottle and drops the stars while lunging for the bottle. Who knows what happens next.


Does otter drink? Maybe she can hold the bottle hostage and threaten to break it if he doesn't drop the stars.

[KurtCobain]

Heh. I know I'm history.

Yeah, but your creative ideas is what makes you, you. Even if you end up Ninja stew.

[luv]

Yeah, but you're creative ideas is what makes you, you. Even if you end up Ninja stew.

One can never go wrong with a bottle of Jack.

[Dr. Johnny Fever]

I offer the bottle of Jack to Otter, get him drunk, and then crush his head between my rocks.

I'd like to change my vote now.

[KurtCobain]

I rhymed with my last comment and didn't even know it.

I think I might become a poet in luv's memory.

[KurtCobain]

After going down 9-1, she's making a hell of a comeback now.

[johnny961]

Does otter drink? Maybe she can hold the bottle hostage and threaten to break it if he doesn't drop the stars.

Never thought about that. Maybe.

[luv]

After going down 9-1, she's making a hell of a comeback now.

Sometimes, ya gotta think outside the box....or know that he's thinking about mine. There's power there, my friend.

[Hammock Parties]

This isn't tough, she's a girl.

[Bugeater]

Let's say he misses 18 attempts and stops. She bull rushes him. He ducks and gets her in the throat with the stars.

Honestly, if his ninja abilities suck and she comes at him, it's 60-40 her way. She'll be thinking about her ex, and probably smash his brains out.

But for some reason I think otter can hit atleast 6/20(especially if she stops dodging and runs at him) and that's all he'll need.
If she bull rushes him from the beginning, there's no way he gets off more than one shot, plus they're in a bouncy castle so it's going to be nearly impossible for him to throw with any accuracy once she starts moving.

This really shouldn't even be close.

[KurtCobain]

I kinda want to change my vote? What was I doing voting against an angry broad? I just had a near death experience with one of those today!

[Dr. Johnny Fever]

I kinda want to change my vote? What was I doing voting against an angry broad? I just had a near death experience with one of those today!

Hey I said I misread it as 2 stars not 20 and she hadn't used her feminine wiles yet!

[rockymtnchief]

I offer the bottle of Jack to Otter, get him drunk, and then crush his head between my rocks.

PFFFFT...he offers you loan papers, you sit down to co-sign them, he suffocates you from behind with a chunk of bouncy castle he has cut away with an errant throwing star. :D

[Okie_Apparition]

Depends on if Luv is a spitter. JD in the eyes can't be good

[luv]

Depends on if Luv is a spitter. JD in the eyes can't be good

Wow, a time when being a swallower isn't beneficial. :eek:

[luv]

PFFFFT...he offers you loan papers, you sit down to co-sign them, he suffocates you from behind with a chunk of bouncy castle he has cut away with an errant throwing star. :D

You forget, I'm still picturing my opponent as said ex.

[Direckshun]

I voted luv.

I voted with my heart, not my head.

[Rudy tossed tigger's salad]

Luv swings the bat... Otter catches it with one hand and takes it away. Otter beats in luv's skull. This one was easy.

[Otter]

I just realized Luv only has one hand from the Jack Daniels bottle.

Just sayin'

[Hammock Parties]

Luv swings the bat... Otter catches it with one hand and takes it away. Otter beats in luv's skull. This one was easy.

Yep, women are the weaker sex.

[Rain Man]

I just realized Luv only has one hand from the Jack Daniels bottle.

Just sayin'


She sets the whiskey on the ground at her feet, waits for otter to bend over to pick it up, and whammo. Right in the back of the head.

[luv]

Yep, women are the weaker sex.

I'd say I hope to win just so I can face you, but you didn't make it past the first round. Never mind.

[Hammock Parties]

I'd say I hope to win just so I can face you, but you didn't make it past the first round. Never mind.

I got stuck with a lousy weapon.

No weapon on earth is going to help you.

[luv]

I got stuck with a lousy weapon.

No weapon on earth is going to help you.

That's funny. I seem to recall winning my first round.

[Dr. Johnny Fever]

I'd say I hope to win just so I can face you, but you didn't make it past the first round. Never mind.

She shoots, she scooooooores.......

[luv]

Well, speaking of fighting to the death, I am halfway through the Hunger Games. I think I'll go read some more of it, go to sleep and check in tomorrow to see how badly I've been slaughtered.

[Hammock Parties]

That's funny. I seem to recall winning my first round.

Only because you offered Rain Man sex.

[Dr. Johnny Fever]

I got stuck with a lousy weapon.

No weapon on earth is going to help you.

You weren't going to win anyway because you're you.

[rockymtnchief]

Only because you offered Rain Man sex.

All is fair in love and war.

[ClevelandBronco]

You weren't going to win anyway because you're you.

True. It could be Goatse with a laser-guided missile against Stephen Hawking with a blunt nail file at 150 yards and Goatse would still lose.

[Bugeater]

I think many people are greatly underestimating the effect of the bouncy castle in this battle.

[Rain Man]

I think many people are greatly underestimating the effect of the bouncy castle in this battle.


How do you think the bouncy castle will play out?

One think I see is that it'll eliminate any types of kicks in the hand to hand, because you can't get power or balance. I don't think it'll affect hitting someone with a ball bat. Also, I do think it could deflate with those stars flying around. In fact, now that I think about it, otter should reach down and rip the thing open as soon as the whistle blows. I think it's too his advantage to have less bouncing.

[Bugeater]

How do you think the bouncy castle will play out?

One think I see is that it'll eliminate any types of kicks in the hand to hand, because you can't get power or balance. I don't think it'll affect hitting someone with a ball bat. Also, I do think it could deflate with those stars flying around. In fact, now that I think about it, otter should reach down and rip the thing open as soon as the whistle blows. I think it's too his advantage to have less bouncing.
It's absolutely to his advantage to have less bouncing if he wants to accurately throw those stars. But I don't think it will deflate fast enough to prevent the angry woman with the baseball bat from getting to him and mercilessly beating him to a pulp.

Even if this was on solid ground I'd have doubts about otter getting a kill shot in with a star, but the bouncy castle does him in.

[chefsos]

How do you think the bouncy castle will play out?

One think I see is that it'll eliminate any types of kicks in the hand to hand, because you can't get power or balance. I don't think it'll affect hitting someone with a ball bat. Also, I do think it could deflate with those stars flying around. In fact, now that I think about it, otter should reach down and rip the thing open as soon as the whistle blows. I think it's too his advantage to have less bouncing.The roof comes down on 'em too, which means a lot of flailing around in plastic.

[MagicHef]

Is this an open bouncy castle, or one with the obstacles and slides and such?

[luv]

Wow. Not getting pummeled quite as badly as I thought I would be. That makes me feel a little better about dying.

[Otter]

Wow. Not getting pummeled quite as badly as I thought I would be. That makes me feel a little better about dying.

I can only promise to kill you quickly and make lung and grub stew out of you. In your case Luv I may have to let the remaining gladiators do motorboat before rigor mortis sets in your boobies for one last hoo rah while get bat shit crazy over your bottle of Jack Daniels.

I'm sorry, I'm thinking like a gladiator with a short time to live.

[luv]

I can only promise to kill you quickly and make lung and grub stew out of you. In your case Luv I may have to let the remaining gladiators do motorboat before rigor mortis sets in your boobies for one last hoo rah while get bat shit crazy over your bottle of Jack Daniels.

I'm sorry, I'm thinking like a gladiator with a short time to live.

After I'm dead, my boobs are all yours.

[alnorth]

wait, how is luv losing in a bouncy castle against ninja stars? If inflated, her advantage is obvious, if not inflated the roof will come down on them, making throwing anything impossible. otter basically does not have a useful weapon under any circumstance.

[luv]

wait, how is luv losing in a bouncy castle against ninja stars? If inflated, her advantage is obvious, if not inflated the roof will come down on them, making throwing anything impossible. otter basically does not have a useful weapon under any circumstance.

You know, this is true. Even if he hits me with one, I can remove it from wherever it hits and deflate the castle myself. I'M NOT GOING DOWN THAT EASY!

[loochy]

I'M NOT GOING DOWN THAT EASY!

Heh, then let's see how many dates I ask you out on! :harumph:

[bevischief]

I find myself doubting otter's ninja capabilities, and outside of the stars he's got nothing. I'm going with the heavily armed woman.

same here.

[Iowanian]

A bottle of jack?


Someone is having some secks.

[Bowser]

I'M NOT GOING DOWN THAT EASY!

<iframe width="560" height="349" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/fLrpBLDWyCI?rel=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

[luv]

A bottle of jack?


Someone is having some secks.

At least I'll die happy (I hope).

[Bowser]

(I hope)

LMAO

[Steron]

luv charges and negates the throwing of the stars and brains Otter with the bat.

[luv]

He is throwing these stars from 25 feet. Unless he throws them all at once, he is not going to stop me, nor be able to kill me with them before I get to him. If they're the size of silver dollars, they won't penetrate deep enough to do any permanent damage (unless he takes out one or both of my eyes).

[4th and Long]

luv, in her own ninja-like fashion, uses the bat to collect all the ninja stars thrown her way. She then uses her newly sharpened bat to go Mick Foley on poor otter.

Oh, the humanity.
Posted via Mobile Device

[Rudy tossed tigger's salad]

Are we to reasonably expect luv's bat speed to reach 2 mph?

[4th and Long]

After I'm dead, my boobs are all yours.
Dibs ... and I'm making a premptive call to the taxidermist right now. Goodbye to the stuffed moose head on my wall.
Posted via Mobile Device

[luv]

Are we to reasonably expect luv's bat speed to reach 2 mph?

You've never seen me play softball.

[jallmon]

Otter and I watch Chiefs games in a Harrisburg bar together. I better pick him.

[tooge]

first errant star punctures the bouncy castle. Both die of asphyxiation. End of this particular branch of the bracket.

[Otter]

Otter and I watch Chiefs games in a Harrisburg bar together. I better pick him.

Wow, a post! Still in Pitt teaching nuclear secrets to midgets?

[jallmon]

Yes, still here in Da' Boig. I go home about every other weekend. We'll get together when the Chiefs start playing again!

[luv]

I see how it is. Breaking out the mult/friend who hasn't posted in years. Two can play at that game.

[Otter]

I see how it is. Breaking out the mult/friend who hasn't posted in years. Two can play at that game.

Heh, he's real.

Now warm up those boobies and chill the Jack sweet cheeks!

And I roll with ex-Israeli special forces guys on weekends in Manhattan for fun! I'm an orange belt in Krav Maga, that's right, an orange belt! Nothing radiates "bad ass" like orange belt!

*smacks Luv on the hiney"

ALSO: I leave for Bar Harbor Maine at the end of the day (that's where I'm gong to retire if all goes well) and I just sent Bwana a book and a leg lamp.

I'm off bitches!

http://www.redriderleglamps.com/images/products/Deluxe%20Lit%20Leg%20Lamp%20medium.jpg

[Rain Man]

Game over. Otter looks at a collapsed bouncy castle and a motionless luv. Turning, he takes a swig of whiskey, wipes his mouth, and ponders whether he's really proud of what happened back there. Then he walks away.

[luv]

Game over. Otter looks at a collapsed bouncy castle and a motionless luv. Turning, he takes a swig of whiskey, wipes his mouth, and ponders whether he's really proud of what happened back there. Then he walks away.

That's it? We don't even get 24 hours?

[Direckshun]

That's it? We don't even get 24 hours?

What's left to do?

Give out BJ vouchers in exchange for votes?

[luv]

What's left to do?

Give out BJ vouchers in exchange for votes?

Good point. I don't think I could find 12 people who would take one.