My brother

[luv]

SEE UPDATE IN POST 112.

Apparently, my brother has tried to commit suicide. He showed up at my mom's doorstep saying he had just taken a bottle of sleeping pills. She took him to the ER, where they have him hooked up.

There is a long history with my brother that I don't really feel like going into, although it would definitely help explain a certain level of indifference I have regarding this situation. For right now, I say pray that he does the right thing when he gets out of the hospital. It includes losing a few more years of his life behind bars, but better a few more years than a lifetime.

UPDATE (10/10/11): My brother ended up staying with my mom. He got pulled over twice. Once, he was speeding and they found out that his license had been suspended by the court for failure to pay court costs. Second time, his tags were expired. Both times, they called the county he has warrants in, but they didn't want to come and get him. His ex-girlfriend's son posted bail, and my mom took him up to his court date a few weeks ago. His case got continued, so he could sign up for a public defender. My brother seemed to think that the PD was going to work wonders, and get him off (to him, off means no jail time). His next court date is tomorrow morning.

Late last week, he received a letter from the PD stating that the PA was requesting no probation and four years in jail. Considering everything going on, I thought that was more than fair. Especially, since his PD would probably talk them down to just a couple of years. My mom sent me a text yesterday saying he talked to a friend of his who lives in Florida. She said he could come stay with her and her husband (I don't think she's an idiot for this, as he probably just told her some sob story about being out of work and such up here). Mom asked him how he expected to get down there. He has no job, no money, and no car. She thought she had his mind settled with going up to court tomorrow to find out what will happen. However, when she got home from running some errands this morning, her neighbor told her that he set out, on foot and carrying two large duffel bags, early this morning. She drove around (how far could he possibly get on foot in a small town that's a good 45 minute drive from Springfield), but didn't find him. I looked up the PD's number and told her she should probably call her. I also told her that she should call his ex-girlfriend to let her know that her son is going to have to ante up the other $900 for his bail, since he's jumping it.

He's got it in his head that, since the other county (he had two warrants in two counties) didn't come after him, that this county won't either. He thinks he's better off the farther he gets from here (or there rather, it's up by St. Louis). Difference is, this is for a felony, whereas the other was simply for failure to pay court costs. I saw where the PA in this case filed a motion with the other county's court to have his probation (which was unsupervised) revoked. Who knows where he's going or how he's getting there. I guess I should just be thankful that he's not a financial burden on my mom anymore. Now she just has to worry about him. He's such a douche.

[Frazod]

Not a suicide attempt.

People who want to die take pills and go to sleep.

People who want attention take pills and immediately tell somebody that they took pills.

Anyway, good luck.

[LiveSteam]

Sorry to hear that Luv. Hope your brother gets his head screwed on straight.

[SuperChief]

So sorry to hear about this. I'll be thinking about you and your family.

[Jenson71]

Yeah, that's asking for help, in a very damaged way.

Your family has my thoughts and prayers.

[luv]

Not a suicide attempt.

People who want to die take pills and go to sleep.

People who want attention take pills and immediately tell somebody that they took pills.

Anyway, good luck.

Completely agree. And thanks.

[talastan]

Prayers for you and your family, Luv. Always tough to watch a family member put themselves through hell.

[Donger]

Apparently, my brother has tried to commit suicide. He showed up at my mom's doorstep saying he had just taken a bottle of sleeping pills. She took him to the ER, where they have him hooked up.

There is a long history with my brother that I don't really feel like going into, although it would definitely help explain a certain level of indifference I have regarding this situation. For right now, I say pray that he does the right thing when he gets out of the hospital. It includes losing a few more years of his life behind bars, but better a few more years than a lifetime.

Sorry to hear that, luv. Is this a half-brother?

[The Franchise]

Not a suicide attempt.

People who want to die take pills and go to sleep.

People who want attention take pills and immediately tell somebody that they took pills.

Anyway, good luck.

This

[luv]

Sorry to hear that, luv. Is this a half-brother?

Although, I don't see how we could possibly even be related, we do share the same set of parents.

[LiveSteam]

Although, I don't see how we could possibly even be related, we do share the same set of parents.

How old is he?

[luv]

How old is he?

38

[spida_man23]

this is joey, avoiding a ban for a good reason :

Frazod's right, but there's an amazingly thin line between begging for attention with suicide, and actually going through with it. You can die too fast. If he's willing to do this for the attention, and he doesn't get what he wants, which he won't, he'll push the envelope further next time. And it could turn out so much worse.

I think I get the jist of the story with your brother, and I hope you're okay. No matter what you've been through, you're the type of person who is going to care in the end. Don't let him get to you.

[Gonzo]

this is joey, avoiding a ban for a good reason :



????

You are one odd dude sometimes.

[bevischief]

Prayers on the way. Hope he gets the help he needs.

[hawkchief]

Good luck to you and your family, luv. Thoughts and prayers are with you!

[Extra Point]

Bad news. Good luck. Thoughts are with you.

[ForeverChiefs58]

Sorry to hear this luv. While it is true to some extent that people who want to commit suicide do it, and those who don't want to, do it to get attention. It has to be treated seriously because too often people are like children and they don't care if the attention is good or bad.

I have known a couple people where everyone was saying it was just for attention, and then the 2nd and 3rd time they did it and succeeded.

Horrible way to leave, and can be devistating to a family, especially when they are the ones who find them.
Sounds like there are some issues with you guys, probably something personnal, it might even be a part of his "guilt".

I would suggest he gets admitted quickly to help him deal with his demons.
People with nothing to lose, who think they are at the bottom need professional help to get them to deal with their problems.

Good luck to you and don't feel ashamed if you need to seek help dealing with it as well. Better to get help now then let it fester and build up inside.

[AirForceChief]

So sorry. Thoughts and prayers.

[luv]

I talked to my mom. They started him on an IV and he's doing better. He was sleeping when I talked to her. The doctors are determining where to take him for his psych evaluation (he's at a small hospital in Aurora that doesn't have a department for that there). She said he answered all of their questions honestly. When they asked him why he went to my mom's after taking them, he said it was because he didn't have anyplace left to go. I'm in class, so I had to let her go. I didn't realize she was struggling until she said she loved me. I could tell she was starting to cry.

If anyone deserves prayer in this situation, it's definitely my mom. Maybe for me, as well, I guess. I'm going to have to try to show a little more emotion when I'm around her, or she gets to where she says I don't care, which hurts her. If I get too emotional though, I'm afraid I might actually open up too much.

It's not that I don't care. I've just learned over the years to never get too involved where my brother is concerned. But when mom cries... I automatically feel guilty. I do think it will be interesting to find out results from any psych evaluation. I'd love to be a fly on the wall just to see which version of his truth he decides to let them in on.

[RNR]

If he wanted to be dead he would be. That said he must be reaching for something to deal with whatever pain he is dealing with. I hope he finds the peace he seeks and does not inflict pain on those he loves in the process~

[seclark]

thoughts and prayers for your family, luv.
sec

[Reerun_KC]

Hey luv, I am sorry, wish all the best to you and your family...

Sincerely,
Reerun and Family.

[stevieray]

you could try to heal the riff and help him out ...just by being family...that could be a stepping stone to turning his life around.

thoughts and prayers for you and yours.

[luv]

you could try to heal the riff and help him out ...just by being family...that could be a stepping stone to turning his life around.

thoughts and prayers for you and yours.

I have always been in the middle of the riff. How many chances to you give someone who does nothing but use you, walk all over you, and lie to you before you say enough is enough? I know I sound like a cold hearted bitch when I say there's a level of indifference, but it's the type of thing where I wouldn't put it past him to try something like this because it's nearly the only way my mom's boyfriend will let him stay with them (my brother's girlfriend just broke up with him). He says he lost his job today, although mom has suspiscions that he quit last week. Do I want to think these things? No. Do I have any reason not to? Unfortunately, the answer to that is no as well.

Anyway, now they're saying that there's no room anywhere in Springfield. They're waiting to find out if he's going to KC or somewhere near Arkansas.

[Dr. Johnny Fever]

Best to you all

[seclark]

I know I sound like a cold hearted bitch when I say there's a level of indifference, but it's the type of thing where I wouldn't put it past him to try something like this because it's nearly the only way my mom's boyfriend will let him stay with them (my brother's girlfriend just broke up with him). He says he lost his job today, although mom has suspiscions that he quit last week. Do I want to think these things? No. Do I have any reason not to? Unfortunately, the answer to that is no as well.


you can't control your brother. your mother can't control your brother. you can't control your mother.

you can only control yourself. take care of yourself.
sec

[MOhillbilly]

listen to sec, hims wise

[cdcox]

Sorry to hear about your brother, luv. Listen to sec.

[ChiTown]

God bless ya, luv.

Stay strong, and as others have stated, listen to sec.

[Bearcat]

I have always been in the middle of the riff. How many chances to you give someone who does nothing but use you, walk all over you, and lie to you before you say enough is enough? I know I sound like a cold hearted bitch when I say there's a level of indifference...

Not at all. Some people have to hit rock bottom before they start to get it, and some will hit rock bottom, then start digging. You can only give them so many chances before realizing they need to figure it out on their own, and as much as it sucks to physically do nothing, sometimes it's the best thing you can do. Good luck to all of you.

[boogblaster]

sorry luv .. but all in all he's kin .. sumtimes they aren't what we want them to be but life isn't all a bed of roses .. hope he gets his act together and you forgive him for his life choices to date .. good luck ....

[Reaper16]

*sends thoughts*

[Phobia]

I know you're fed up with your brother. But he's your brother and he's the only one you have. You should do what you can to let him know you're there guardedly. You're not there for him to be his financial crutch or to let him take advantage but that you are there for him because he's in a dark place and because you have a bond that nobody can take or duplicate. I hope it turns out well for all involved. Be careful that you don't get hurt further but don't let that fear prevent you from reaching out emotionally.

[Groves]

Sorry, luv. Wish it didn't happen. Hope he gets help.

If we only loved people who deserved it, we'd all be sunk.

[Phobia]

If we only loved people who deserved it, we'd all be sunk.
There's the crux of it. I like that.

[Demonpenz]

I think my tendancys would be to get caught up in all the drama, and blame myself or feel bad in some ways. Just do what you can but make sure you stay right. You can't help anyone if you are all messed up as well.

[burt]

luv....take care of you first. I can't give advice, actually, no one can, but do take care of luv.

[Fat Elvis]

Your family is in my prayers.

[luv]

I know you're fed up with your brother. But he's your brother and he's the only one you have. You should do what you can to let him know you're there guardedly. You're not there for him to be his financial crutch or to let him take advantage but that you are there for him because he's in a dark place and because you have a bond that nobody can take or duplicate. I hope it turns out well for all involved. Be careful that you don't get hurt further but don't let that fear prevent you from reaching out emotionally.

With my brother, when you give an inch, he ends up taking a mile...whether you have a mile to begin with or not. Plus, my brother doesn't see emotional support as being support at all. You're only supporting him if you give him what he wants. When you can't, or won't, he doesn't have anything to do with you. If he wanted to kill himself, he would have. This was a cry for help, but not the kind of help that normal people think of. This will somehow get him something he wants.

My mom refuses to see this, and, if I don't show him the kind of support she think he deserves, then she gets hurt and you definitely know it. Once again, my brother has put me in a position I don't want to be in. My mom is an emotional mess. I feel guilty, but I can guarantee you my brother won't.

[Phobia]

I don't have any answers for you but family is sacred. I don't enjoy hanging out with my sister and her husband. They're not users or anything but they're just not cup of tea. But I'd do anything for them and they in turn for me. I acknowledge that not all families work this way and I do feel for your unique predicament. I don't even have any life experience from which to draw. Wish I could post something profound like Groves.

[cdcox]

With my brother, when you give an inch, he ends up taking a mile...whether you have a mile to begin with or not. Plus, my brother doesn't see emotional support as being support at all. You're only supporting him if you give him what he wants. When you can't, or won't, he doesn't have anything to do with you. If he wanted to kill himself, he would have. This was a cry for help, but not the kind of help that normal people think of. This will somehow get him something he wants.

My mom refuses to see this, and, if I don't show him the kind of support she think he deserves, then she gets hurt and you definitely know it. Once again, my brother has put me in a position I don't want to be in. My mom is an emotional mess. I feel guilty, but I can guarantee you my brother won't.

You obviously understand the dynamics well. He is manipulating you and your mom. It's working on your mom, but no longer on you. Good for you. When he can no longer get what he wants by manipulating your mom, maybe things will get bad enough for him that he wants to make a real change.

Your mom is also manipulating you with guilt. You have to make boundaries with her too.

It's really a miserable situation for everyone, but if you take care of yourself, at least one person (you) won't get completely sucked into the shit storm. You never have to feel guilty for taking care of yourself.

[Phobia]

Agree with all Seedy posted. Make you your #1 priority this time. But I'm not a big fan of completely divorcing family under any circumstance.

[luv]

I don't have any answers for you but family is sacred. I don't enjoy hanging out with my sister and her husband. They're not users or anything but they're just not cup of tea. But I'd do anything for them and they in turn for me. I acknowledge that not all families work this way and I do feel for your unique predicament. I don't even have any life experience from which to draw. Wish I could post something profound like Groves.

And I totally see where you're coming from. It's not that I don't care. It's just a defense mechanism that I've perfected over the years. Don't get involved. It works quite well until my mom gets involved. Trust me, I'm torn. I say my brother is selfish, but am I any better than him if I only act/react according to how it affects me? Family is family. If they're not there, who's going to be? Am I a horrible person for not seeing the potential for being good in someone? Is it bad to always expect the other shoe to drop?

[Phobia]

I don't think you're doing anything wrong. You're coping the best you know. I'm just cautioning you not to turn your back on family. I'm always against that.

[luv]

You obviously understand the dynamics well. He is manipulating you and your mom. It's working on your mom, but no longer on you. Good for you. When he can no longer get what he wants by manipulating your mom, maybe things will get bad enough for him that he wants to make a real change.

Your mom is also manipulating you with guilt. You have to make boundaries with her too.

It's really a miserable situation for everyone, but if you take care of yourself, at least one person (you) won't get completely sucked into the shit storm. You never have to feel guilty for taking care of yourself.

I came to the realization that there's nothing I can do that I haven't already done that is going to change my brother. At the same time, I still have the hope that there's something out there that can. Thanks for this post. Sums it up in a way my mind is too jumbled to come up with right now.

[cdcox]

And I totally see where you're coming from. It's not that I don't care. It's just a defense mechanism that I've perfected over the years. Don't get involved. It works quite well until my mom gets involved. Trust me, I'm torn. I say my brother is selfish, but am I any better than him if I only act/react according to how it affects me? Family is family. If they're not there, who's going to be? Am I a horrible person for not seeing the potential for being good in someone? Is it bad to always expect the other shoe to drop?

Loving him without getting sucked into his drama is called detachment with love. That sounds like what you are doing. It is hard because you do still have feelings for him. You can chose to support him when he is ready to change and chose not support him as long as he is remaining in his destructive ways. Right now it doesn't sound like he is ready to change.

There is a word giving into his manipulation: "enabling". Your mom is enabling him to continue is his destructive patterns. It really doesn't help him at all, since it allows him to avoid facing the need to change his behavior.

Sorry you have to go through this. It is really, really hard.

[luv]

And, in true luv fashion, I've probably given out TMI. Thanks for the thoughts and for putting up with me getting this off my chest.

[cdcox]

I came to the realization that there's nothing I can do that I haven't already done that is going to change my brother. At the same time, I still have the hope that there's something out there that can. Thanks for this post. Sums it up in a way my mind is too jumbled to come up with right now.

You can still have hope. But it is realistic hope, knowing that the first step has to be for him to want to change because he finally realizes that his past patterns of behaviors aren't working any longer, and have made his life miserable.

[Phobia]

I came to the realization that there's nothing I can do that I haven't already done that is going to change my brother.

There's the biggest mistake you've revealed so far. You can't change him. You can encourage him. Let him know you're hoping for the best. Tell him that he can do better, not to stake his entire self on a girlfriend or a job. But don't ever try to change him. You're just setting yourself up for failure right there.

[Dave Lane]

It's hard to believe that people actually do this when life is so fun and so precious. So many people are enduring great hardships and massive pain in an attempt to prolong their lives, it's too bad some people can't see the beauty in it all. Life is beautiful. Sorry your brother hasn't found his wonder.

[4th and Long]

All my best to you and your family in these troubling times, LeAnn.
There's the biggest mistake you've revealed so far. You can't change him. You can encourage him. Let him know you're hoping for the best. Tell him that he can do better, not to stake his entire self on a girlfriend or a job. But don't ever try to change him. You're just setting yourself up for failure right there.
You should Mod abuse yourself and change your name to Dr. Phil :D

[booger]

And I totally see where you're coming from. It's not that I don't care. It's just a defense mechanism that I've perfected over the years. Don't get involved. It works quite well until my mom gets involved. Trust me, I'm torn. I say my brother is selfish, but am I any better than him if I only act/react according to how it affects me? Family is family. If they're not there, who's going to be? Am I a horrible person for not seeing the potential for being good in someone? Is it bad to always expect the other shoe to drop?


I hated one family member because of how they treated me and a few others in the family. When drunk mostly but it seemed she also had an evil side. I hated that she put me in the middle many times mostly like in your case with my own mother who loves unconditionally like yours seems to. When they are that caring they sometimes set themselves up for manipulation.

I learned with someone you hate you are supposed to find or think of just one good thing about them and go from there. Every time you have issues it's not wrong to feel upset with the troublesome things but try to remember that one good thing in the tough times.

I did that after she realized she didn't like the way she sometimes treated people. And made changes in her life to make her happy which lead to better dealings with others. She has helped me out many of times when needed and i have to her a few times as well. In that situation it's not about loving them and then not loving them during the rough times. Love for family most times doesn't go away. Earned mutual respect will only strengthen a relationship.

I used the word hate not to imply that is how you feel. I just thought it might be a perspective to apply to how you feel about your brother.

I hope things turn out as good as can be for your brother and the rest of your family.

[Phobia]

You should Mod abuse yourself and change your name to Dr. Phil :D
I'm pretty sure Scott or Jim did that at least once.

[TimeForWasp]

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[Otter]

Hang in there sweet cheeks! Karma coming to Luv.

[4th and Long]

I'm pretty sure Scott or Jim did that at least once.
Oh. (embarrassed face)

Well, it seems fitting. You had solid advice, as you usually do. I bet your kids will turn out to be damn good parents.

[Gadzooks]

Why is it that when Buck has a sexual misadventure it's a sticky?
(Oh yeah, answered my own question)

Luv - luv is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So, continue to be luving, hopeful and optimistic and you will prevail every time.

[booger]

I highly agree with Dr. Phil that family is sacred. I also agree with the many others who have said you can't control your actions, only yours and you better take care of yourself because chances are that no one else will.

If i was in your shoes and tried to find a happy medium i would try and relax and see how things progress with your brothers evaluation of his mental well being. Let the pro's do their job with finding the proper treatment for him with meds and therapy. I would encourage your mother that she needs to listen any Dr. advice on how she can best help too. Like has been said there may be some enabling on her part possibly. I think you can be there for them both but you can also set some boundries without feeling guilty about it. You have your own life and your own problems like we all do and that should be your top priority. They should be able to understand that. If you fell put in the middle by your brother you need to tell him how you can offer your support, what you can't do for him and how you can't do like your mother does and tell them why. I imagine phone or in person conversation with both on the matter can be difficult. Literally spell it out for both of them in a letter or email. If your brother can't understand that he is being selfish. Tell him you love him and will do what you can and if he can't handle that tell him you are sorry he feels that way and that's something he will have to figure out.

Your mother is another story. I imagine that for her anytime someone tries to convince her about tough love or something along those lines it is very hard for her to hear that. I can see where a parent, especially a mother would look at that as abandendment. Tell her you can't stick your neck out on the line for him like she does.

Don't forget the impact of simply telling someone you love them and how most sound minded people respond very positively. I can remember when i was 13 or so and seeing a cousin in one of them drug detox joints. My mother and other family pouring their hearts out how much they loved her and wanted to see her get well and enjoy a better life. I saw her react as many drug and meth addicts do with rage and saying things like screw you, i hope you all go to hell, i am not staying here, and many explictives i won't repeat. That bitch literally looked like she had no soul. Like she was half dead but full of rage. Pretty scary. I was expecting her head to start rotating and her to reveal that her real name was Lucifer. Talk about wishing i had my camera phone. :)

I don't think your brother will react that way but if he acts similar to like he has in the past which from what i've read seems to be more selfish than anything or that the support you could give wasn't enough, you can't feel like you didn't try to help.

No one can really give you the perfect answer but we can try to give some sort of advice that will hopefully give you some piece of mind in regards to these really rough times.

Enough yapping from me, i've said the word love too much and talked about too many damned emotions that i'm starting to feel girly and somewhat of a sissy. Time to go enjoy a beer and scratch my balls for awhile before bed so i can feel like a man again.

Good Luck :thumb:

[Bump]

Sorry to hear it Luv, it's a tough world out here but suicide should never be an option.

[Earthling]

I hope your brother can overcome his personal demons. Hang in there...you have more people than you know sending thoughts and prayers. Me for one.

[luv]

Mom called this morning. A different doctor cam in at 3am and said KC wouldn't take him, and Arkansas only would if he was willing. Of course, he wasn't willing. Mom told the new doctor what the other one said about not being able to release him. She said this doctor said that was true, but came back a half an hour later and said he couldn't keep him there against his will. He asked my brother (yeah let's ask the fucking suicidal chronic liar what he wants to do) if he would promise not to try anything if he let him go. Mom was pissed. My brother signed a waiver, and he was released. What. The. Fuck.

Of course, mom takes him home with her. He tells her he doesn't have gos and that he had given all of his last check to his girlfriend, blah blah blah. Mom's boyfriend said he wanted him gone by the time he got home from work. Mom was saying how she wouldn't have any money to give him until she gets her disability on Wednesday. I flat out told her that she was giving him what he wanted, and in do so was enabling to keep doing what he's doing. But, of course, now he's "suicidal". Mom had finally stopped giving him money. Now he's got her where he wants her again.

How in the hell does he always do this? I just don't get it.

[big nasty kcnut]

Luv stay strong. Just try to not let it bring you down your a lady that is improving your life everyday. Keep your fsith in god and stay strong.

[luv]

Mom called this morning. A different doctor cam in at 3am and said KC wouldn't take him, and Arkansas only would if he was willing. Of course, he wasn't willing. Mom told the new doctor what the other one said about not being able to release him. She said this doctor said that was true, but came back a half an hour later and said he couldn't keep him there against his will. He asked my brother (yeah let's ask the ****ing suicidal chronic liar what he wants to do) if he would promise not to try anything if he let him go. Mom was pissed. My brother signed a waiver, and he was released. What. The. ****.

Of course, mom takes him home with her. He tells her he doesn't have gos and that he had given all of his last check to his girlfriend, blah blah blah. Mom's boyfriend said he wanted him gone by the time he got home from work. Mom was saying how she wouldn't have any money to give him until she gets her disability on Wednesday. I flat out told her that she was giving him what he wanted, and in do so was enabling to keep doing what he's doing. But, of course, now he's "suicidal". Mom had finally stopped giving him money. Now he's got her where he wants her again.

How in the hell does he always do this? I just don't get it.

Explained this situation to one of the lawyers here. If the doctor felt he didn't exhibit signs of hurting himself or anyone else, then having him sign a waiver and releasing him was perfectly legal. If he goes and tries it again, or hurts someone else, within a short period of time, then there might be something to look into.

I'm done. Mom's gonna give me a guilt trip, but it won't be the first nor the last. I'm not getting in the middle of anything.

[ForeverChiefs58]

Mom called this morning. A different doctor cam in at 3am and said KC wouldn't take him, and Arkansas only would if he was willing. Of course, he wasn't willing. Mom told the new doctor what the other one said about not being able to release him. She said this doctor said that was true, but came back a half an hour later and said he couldn't keep him there against his will. He asked my brother (yeah let's ask the fucking suicidal chronic liar what he wants to do) if he would promise not to try anything if he let him go. Mom was pissed. My brother signed a waiver, and he was released. What. The. Fuck.

Of course, mom takes him home with her. He tells her he doesn't have gos and that he had given all of his last check to his girlfriend, blah blah blah. Mom's boyfriend said he wanted him gone by the time he got home from work. Mom was saying how she wouldn't have any money to give him until she gets her disability on Wednesday. I flat out told her that she was giving him what he wanted, and in do so was enabling to keep doing what he's doing. But, of course, now he's "suicidal". Mom had finally stopped giving him money. Now he's got her where he wants her again.

How in the hell does he always do this? I just don't get it.



Had a girl I was casually dating in HS overdose on pills after we called it quits. I was the one she came to, because I was the one she wanted to try and control. She went from the hospital to Two Rivers. They were able to help her get her life back on track. She had no choice in the matter. It was many years ago but my understanding trying to kill anyone, even yourself is against the law.

Anyway, people do desperate things when they lose the control they thought they had over someone. Obviously there is a lot more under the surface for someone to even try and do that. It usually involves losing someone you thought you loved and wanted their love in return and having no control over it.

He probably went to his mom because she was the one he thought he could control with those actions. Understand people can only control themselves, not others behavior.

It is like the parent who desparately wants their kid to be a doctor or lawyer. People are who they are, and you can't help that. You can only live your life to its fullest, and everything around you will fall into place they way it can, and your brother should hope he is a part of that.

[MOhillbilly]

replace him with one of these
<iframe width="420" height="345" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/4j2xEwEHbrE" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

[KurtCobain]

He's just going to do it again.

[ForeverChiefs58]

Explained this situation to one of the lawyers here. If the doctor felt he didn't exhibit signs of hurting himself or anyone else, then having him sign a waiver and releasing him was perfectly legal. If he goes and tries it again, or hurts someone else, within a short period of time, then there might be something to look into.

I'm done. Mom's gonna give me a guilt trip, but it won't be the first nor the last. I'm not getting in the middle of anything.

Wouldn't overdosing on pills fall under exibiting signs of hurting himself? Everything should be done to insure he doesn't try this again. Had a friend whose relative did this 5 times.
I found this, and hope it helps:

Suicide is still considered an unwritten "common law crime," as stated in Blackstone's Commentaries. (So held the Virginia Supreme Court in Wackwitz v. Roy in 1992.) As a common law crime, suicide can bar recovery for the family of the suicidal person in a lawsuit unless the suicidal person can be proven to have been "of unsound mind." That is, the suicide must be proven to have been an involuntary, not voluntary, act of the victim in order for the family to be awarded money damages by the court. This can occur when the family of the deceased sues the caregiver (perhaps a jail or hospital) for negligence in failing to provide appropriate care.

[MOhillbilly]

wall him up in the basement?

[luv]

wall him up in the basement?

I'd settle for him going to jail. One of the warrants was for probation violation. I wouldn't think he could post bond for that. It was unsupervised probation though, and he violated it by not paying what he was ordered to and not showing up for court. Who knows. He also has a class C felony warrant. I guess it's time to see what's been posted on case.net. I'll find out when his court date for that one is (and that one was in the St. Louis area), and let mom know. If he's so worried about finding a place to stay, the state would gladly house him for a few years. Feed him, too.

That actually started the entire day. He got picked up, his now ex-girlfriend's son posted bond (which he'll pay for when my brother doesn't show), girlfriend kicked him out (she didn't know about warrants), etc.

[Phobia]

If you're out of money then don't do something that is going to land you in one of the most expensive hotels in the world.

[Frazod]

As callous as it sounds, I think everybody involved would have been better off if his attempt had been both real and successful. Sounds like this guy is irreparably broken and will do nothing but cause anguish to those who care about him.

[MOhillbilly]

im not sure GC would be able to keep him locked up for an extended period. Worse things in life than 3 hots and a cot though.

[Bugeater]

As callous as it sounds, I think everybody involved would have been better off if his attempt had been both real and successful. Sounds like this guy is irreparably broken and will do nothing but cause anguish to those who care about him.
Thank you, I was worried I was the only one who felt this way. Twice I've typed out a similar response but decided against hitting "submit". Props to you for having the balls to actually say it.

[Phobia]

As callous as it sounds, I think everybody involved would have been better off if his attempt had been both real and successful. Sounds like this guy is irreparably broken and will do nothing but cause anguish to those who care about him.

People recover from addictions or find their catalyst (whatever that may be) to turning their lives around every day. Hope is an awesome thing. It's like being a homer Chiefs fan. Nothing wrong with it.

This guy is missing his happiness. He needs to find that happiness in order to become a productive member of society. He needs people who won't give up on him. It's a fine line for the mother between enabling and not giving up on her son. There is no perfect answer for this guy. He has to find whatever it is that is missing in his life and I'm not necessarily talking religion here.

[SAUTO]

People recover from addictions or find their catalyst (whatever that may be) to turning their lives around every day. Hope is an awesome thing. It's like being a homer Chiefs fan. Nothing wrong with it.

This guy is missing his happiness. He needs to find that happiness in order to become a productive member of society. He needs people who won't give up on him. It's a fine line for the mother between enabling and not giving up on her son. There is no perfect answer for this guy. He has to find whatever it is that is missing in his life and I'm not necessarily talking religion here.

football?

[Frazod]

People recover from addictions or find their catalyst (whatever that may be) to turning their lives around every day. Hope is an awesome thing. It's like being a homer Chiefs fan. Nothing wrong with it.

This guy is missing his happiness. He needs to find that happiness in order to become a productive member of society. He needs people who won't give up on him. It's a fine line for the mother between enabling and not giving up on her son. There is no perfect answer for this guy. He has to find whatever it is that is missing in his life and I'm not necessarily talking religion here.

Dude's almost 40 - he's not gonna change.

On another note, who are you and what have you done with Phil? Seems like the last time you chimed in on a suicide thread you basically wanted to dig the guy up and piss on his corpse.

[Phobia]

Dude's almost 40 - he's not gonna change.

On another note, who are you and what have you done with Phil? Seems like the last time you chimed in on a suicide thread you basically wanted to dig the guy up and piss on his corpse.

Heh. This guy didn't attempt suicide. He's crying for help. If he was successful, I'd have been less forgiving. I'm not a fan of people killing themselves and leaving their family and loved ones to pick up the pieces.

[luv]

People recover from addictions or find their catalyst (whatever that may be) to turning their lives around every day. Hope is an awesome thing. It's like being a homer Chiefs fan. Nothing wrong with it.

This guy is missing his happiness. He needs to find that happiness in order to become a productive member of society. He needs people who won't give up on him. It's a fine line for the mother between enabling and not giving up on her son. There is no perfect answer for this guy. He has to find whatever it is that is missing in his life and I'm not necessarily talking religion here.

You don't want to know what my dad says about this, then.

He was married with kids. He signed over his rights to his kids so their stepdad could adopt them. My mom says it bothers him, yet he made no attempt to contact them for nearly a year before doing so. Now he misses them? My mom is texting me asking me to talk to my dad in order to try to get him to let Kevin stay with us until his court date in September. So, actually, it's my mom who is trying to put me in the middle. If I don't talk to dad, she gives me a guilt trip. It's a never-fucking-ending cycle.

[Phobia]

Yeah - he's probably self-loathing over his kids. He'll need to rectify that mistake in his mind before he can do something better for himself. Guy has issues. I know your old man. He's from good stock. There's hope but the guy has really screwed up his life. At least he's not running around scamming trusting ladies under the premise of love though. That's the lowest low-life around.

[luv]

Yeah - he's probably self-loathing over his kids. He'll need to rectify that mistake in his mind before he can do something better for himself. Guy has issues. I know your old man. He's from good stock. There's hope but the guy has really screwed up his life. At least he's not running around scamming trusting ladies under the premise of love though. That's the lowest low-life around.

Oh, I don't refer to his girlfriends as that, I call them his victims. Once they "nag" about him getting/keeping a job, helping out, etc, he's outta there. I honestly think the class C felony warrant is for the car he's driving. It was his ex-fiance's car. I guarantee you it's not in his name. The tags expire at the end of the month, so that should be interesting.

Trust me, I know you're probably wondering how one person could do all of this. I wonder the same thing myself.

And yes, I was blind enough and stupid enough to date someone who used me just like my brother does. However, that was back when I was desperate and trusting. That luv is gone. :)

[Bowser]

You don't want to know what my dad says about this, then.

He was married with kids. He signed over his rights to his kids so their stepdad could adopt them. My mom says it bothers him, yet he made no attempt to contact them for nearly a year before doing so. Now he misses them? My mom is texting me asking me to talk to my dad in order to try to get him to let Kevin stay with us until his court date in September. So, actually, it's my mom who is trying to put me in the middle. If I don't talk to dad, she gives me a guilt trip. It's a never-fucking-ending cycle.

I understand this is easier said than done, seeing as how this has become as habitual for you to take as it is for them to deal out, but you need to stop eating the shit sandwich your mom keeps feeding you. This isn't your drama. Tell your mom that if she wants the help of your dad for your brother's sake, then she needs to get a hold of him herself and keep you out of it. Or even better, tell her you've had enough of the merry-go-round of dysfunction and want to part of it in any way, shape, or form. Standing up for what's best by you doesn't mean you love your family any less, despite what they try to make you feel.

You've been open about having confidence issues. Look no further than the post I quoted to see the crux of the problem. Not trying to pile on here, but maybe just make you aware of something hidden in plain sight.

[MOhillbilly]

Heh. This guy didn't attempt suicide. He's crying for help. If he was successful, I'd have been less forgiving. I'm not a fan of people killing themselves and leaving their family and loved ones to pick up the pieces.

yup.

[luv]

I understand this is easier said than done, seeing as how this has become as habitual for you to take as it is for them to deal out, but you need to stop eating the shit sandwich your mom keeps feeding you. This isn't your drama. Tell your mom that if she wants the help of your dad for your brother's sake, then she needs to get a hold of him herself and keep you out of it. Or even better, tell her you've had enough of the merry-go-round of dysfunction and want to part of it in any way, shape, or form. Standing up for what's best by you doesn't mean you love your family any less, despite what they make you try and feel.

You've been open about having confidence issues. Look no further than the post I quoted to see the crux of the problem. Not trying to pile on here, but maybe just make you aware of something hidden in plain sight.

I talked to dad, told him I was tired of being in the middle, and asked him to call her. A few minutes later I get a three text guilt trip over what my dad said. I asked her why she was telling me this and not him.

And you all wonder why I'm so loony.

[MOhillbilly]

I talked to dad, told him I was tired of being in the middle, and asked him to call her. A few minutes later I get a three text guilt trip over what my dad said. I asked her why she was telling me this and not him.

And you all wonder why I'm so loony.


that shit for me ended when my father died.

[LiveSteam]

Dam Luv. Your in a tough spot. I hope everything works out for you & your family.

[Bowser]

I talked to dad, told him I was tired of being in the middle, and asked him to call her. A few minutes later I get a three text guilt trip over what my dad said. I asked her why she was telling me this and not him.

And you all wonder why I'm so loony.

Sounds to me like your mom needed to hear whatever your dad said.

You've been the enabler for so long that they've just gotten to the point to where it's easier for you to take care of their problems than them actually putting forth any effort. You've become their drug, and like any addiction, it will be painful for them to get off being hooked on what you give them. You've obviously reached a point where you're done with all of it. Don't waver from that. You can still care for them without playing wet nurse every time they think they need something.

Remember - your brother is a grown man, even if he doesn't like being one. He can walk without help if he wants.

[luv]

Sounds to me like your mom needed to hear whatever your dad said.

You've been the enabler for so long that they've just gotten to the point to where it's easier for you to take care of their problems than them actually putting forth any effort. You've become their drug, and like any addiction, it will be painful for them to get off being hooked on what you give them. You've obviously reached a point where you're done with all of it. Don't waver from that. You can still care for them without playing wet nurse every time they think they need something.

Remember - your brother is a grown man, even if he doesn't like being one. He can walk without help if he wants.
Hmmm...

I'd never thought about me being the enabler. My mom enables my brother, but I enable my mom.

I did get a text back from her apologizing. She said if she talked to my dad they way she talked to me, then she wouldn't expect him to help her either. I think she finally realized that she was the one putting me in the middle. She said thanks for trying, so I assume she's done with me for now...lol.

[Saulbadguy]

Sounds like a cool guy, does he play X Box?

[Gonzo]

Let's see...

Unemployed? Check
Living with mom? Check
No asperations? Check

Is he a Charger fan with a newly aquired VD?

[Demonpenz]

I don't think you are giving out too much information, that stuff builds up and it is better it go out on a message board than messing up your own life. I didn't post anything here venting for a couple months, now I have 200 dollars in gift cards from Red Lobster. I was obviously using lobsterfest to self medicate myself

[luv]

Bump.

Updated OP. I'm not really sure prayer is going to work on him, though.

[pr_capone]

Let's see...

Unemployed? Check
Living with mom? Check
No asperations? Check

Is he a Charger fan with a newly aquired VD?

Wait.. Buck is Luv's brother?

[QuikSsurfer]

What's the felony charge?

[Saulbadguy]

He's done for. Sorry.

[Iowanian]

Pretty crappy of him to take a dump on the kid who posted bail.

Hope everyone remembers he did that when they catch up with him.

[kstater]

You've probably already decided this, but don't let him in your place should he show up.

[luv]

What's the felony charge?

It's a Class C felony for theft. He's got a long history dating back to his late teens. He was currently on unsupervised probation. He had two years to pay my ex-sis-in-law back child support. He also didn't pay the court costs there.

[QuikSsurfer]

It's a Class C felony for theft. He's got a long history dating back to his late teens. He was currently on unsupervised probation. He had two years to pay my ex-sis-in-law back child support. He also didn't pay the court costs there.

Good grief...

[luv]

You've probably already decided this, but don't let him in your place should he show up.

Anytime my dad or I know he's in the area, the house and cars go on "lock down".

[sedated]

what a wonderful member of society

[luv]

He took a blanket, a pillow, two duffel bags, and some food out of the pantry, along with $20 out of my mom's purse. I wonder how long it will take him to walk to Florida. I'll bet he hitchhikes. I also bet he steals stuff to pawn in order to have some money.

Wonder where he's sleeping tonight.

[Dayze]

sorry Luv. that sucks.

[Lumpy]

That's horrible, Luv. :( Sorry your family is going through this crap w/ your brother.

[luv]

Honestly, I'll be glad he's gone. No more drama. He'll be 39 next month. He's never owned up to anything in his life, so why would he start now?

[Lumpy]

Honestly, I'll be glad he's gone. No more drama. He'll be 39 next month. He's never owned up to anything in his life, so why would he start now?

It's difficult to help those that won't help themselves. :(

I can't help but feel sorry for his friend and her husband in FL. It sounds like they're clueless as to what's really going on.

[luv]

It's difficult to help those that won't help themselves. :(

I can't help but feel sorry for his friend and her husband in FL. It sounds like they're clueless as to what's really going on.

I don't think he makes it down there, unless, of course, he's able to sucker some new victim...err...girlfriend into giving him money. Apparently, my brother must be the charmer.

[luv]

I know this is probably more information than I should share, but this is just too entertaining to pass up.

My brother called my mom. He made it to a nearby town (smaller than Springfield) when he realized it was going to rain. It walked over to some nearby railroad tracks, and hopped on an empty car. Okay, this I can believe, kind of. However, I find the remainder of this story a little far fetched.

He said he fell asleep, and did not wake up until to train came to a stop. He didn't even realize it had moved. He told mom he wasn't exactly for sure where he was at. The only place around was a Conoco station in the middle of nowhere. The license plates on all of the few cars he saw were Oklahoma tags. The little free newspaper outside the station said something like "The Tulsa Gazette." How in the hell do you sleep from just west of Springfield to the outskirts of Tulsa without waking up?

Either way. I joked and said he was being counterproductive if his goal was to make it to Florida. Not sure if mom appreciated that or not.

Oh, and he called her collect. Can you still do that? Are there still payphones out there? The number showed up on mom's caller ID, so she declined the charges and called the number, which he answered.

[Phobia]

I just called the Tulsa police and told them there was a felon running around their fine city catching rides on their fine rail. I also let them know he was armed and dangerous and they should shoot with the intent to repair brain damage.

[luv]

I just called the Tulsa police and told them there was a felon running around their fine city catching rides on their fine rail. I also let them know he was armed and dangerous and they should shoot with the intent to repair brain damage.

If he took mom's advice, they should check out the homeless shelters first. Warm place to sleep and all. Who knows where he's at today. Or public libraries. He'll probably try to use the internet.

[bevischief]

I just called the Tulsa police and told them there was a felon running around their fine city catching rides on their fine rail. I also let them know he was armed and dangerous and they should shoot with the intent to repair brain damage.

ROFL. sad...

[luv]

Well, my brother ended up homeless in Texas, met a married woman, and mooched off of her. Whenever they get into fights due to her not leaving her husband, he finds some way to attempt suicide. He has slit his wrists, jumped out of a moving car, etc. He got a little homesick, so he tried turning himself in to the local police down there, but they didn't want to pay to extradite him back up here. Now, whenever the shelters are full, he goes to the police and says he's going to kill himself, which automatically lands him in a treatment center for 72 hours. The next to last one actually gave him three different bottles of drugs (anxiety, sleep, and something else). Upon arguing with his "girlfriend" again, he decided to take all of them at once, which landed him in ICU for a few days where he crashed once. Upon release, he was in another treatment center for another 72 hours, which he's done with now.

Supposedly, his girlfriend is bringing him up here (actually passing through here taking him to St. Charles) to turn himself in this weekend. We'll see how that goes. If he winds up wanting to stay in Springfield, that opens up a whole other can of worms. I know I like drama on here, but, IRL, I'm totally not a fan. I don't want my brother anywhere near here. He can take his drama and his bullshit anywhere else. If he does end up coming up this weekend, I hope they continue on up to put him in jail. Then I won't have to deal with his drama for at least a few more years. The man will be 40 this year. Most of all, I don't think my mom can take much more of the stress he causes her.

You might send some good thoughts her way. She's the only person affected by this situation that I care about.

[TLO]

Well, my brother ended up homeless in Texas, met a married woman, and mooched off of her. Whenever they get into fights due to her not leaving her husband, he finds some way to attempt suicide. He has slit his wrists, jumped out of a moving car, etc. He got a little homesick, so he tried turning himself in to the local police down there, but they didn't want to pay to extradite him back up here. Now, whenever the shelters are full, he goes to the police and says he's going to kill himself, which automatically lands him in a treatment center for 72 hours. The next to last one actually gave him three different bottles of drugs (anxiety, sleep, and something else). Upon arguing with his "girlfriend" again, he decided to take all of them at once, which landed him in ICU for a few days where he crashed once. Upon release, he was in another treatment center for another 72 hours, which he's done with now.

Supposedly, his girlfriend is bringing him up here (actually passing through here taking him to St. Charles) to turn himself in this weekend. We'll see how that goes. If he winds up wanting to stay in Springfield, that opens up a whole other can of worms. I know I like drama on here, but, IRL, I'm totally not a fan. I don't want my brother anywhere near here. He can take his drama and his bullshit anywhere else. If he does end up coming up this weekend, I hope they continue on up to put him in jail. Then I won't have to deal with his drama for at least a few more years. The man will be 40 this year. Most of all, I don't think my mom can take much more of the stress he causes her.

You might send some good thoughts her way. She's the only person affected by this situation that I care about.


Thoughts and prayers to you and your Mother. And for your brother as well. Maybe he can straighten himself out somehow.

[Graystoke]

Geez good luck with all that.
Seems like everybody has one family member like your Brother.
The only person that can fix it is him and that is the crux of the matter.
Prayers to all that care.

[Deberg_1990]

Well, my brother ended up homeless in Texas, met a married woman, and mooched off of her. Whenever they get into fights due to her not leaving her husband, he finds some way to attempt suicide. He has slit his wrists, jumped out of a moving car, etc. He got a little homesick, so he tried turning himself in to the local police down there, but they didn't want to pay to extradite him back up here. Now, whenever the shelters are full, he goes to the police and says he's going to kill himself, which automatically lands him in a treatment center for 72 hours. The next to last one actually gave him three different bottles of drugs (anxiety, sleep, and something else). Upon arguing with his "girlfriend" again, he decided to take all of them at once, which landed him in ICU for a few days where he crashed once. Upon release, he was in another treatment center for another 72 hours, which he's done with now.

Supposedly, his girlfriend is bringing him up here (actually passing through here taking him to St. Charles) to turn himself in this weekend. We'll see how that goes. If he winds up wanting to stay in Springfield, that opens up a whole other can of worms. I know I like drama on here, but, IRL, I'm totally not a fan. I don't want my brother anywhere near here. He can take his drama and his bullshit anywhere else. If he does end up coming up this weekend, I hope they continue on up to put him in jail. Then I won't have to deal with his drama for at least a few more years. The man will be 40 this year. Most of all, I don't think my mom can take much more of the stress he causes her.

You might send some good thoughts her way. She's the only person affected by this situation that I care about.

Wow, whos more screwed up in the head….your brother, or the married woman who would actually date a screwup like him? (Sorry Luv….no offense)

[BoneKrusher]

Luv, hope everything works out well for You, Your Mom and your Brother.

[tooge]

I went through this type of shit with my little brother about 10 years ago. He'd disappear, call from florida or georgia or somewhere. He'd be in and out of jail, in and out of homeless shelters, etc. The entire family finally gave up. We cut off all comunication with him other than to tell him when he's ready to turn his life around, come home, we'll check him into a treatment facility, and then let him stay and get a job, etc. It took about 9 more months, but he showed up at my moms house, disheveled, but ready to change. Here we are 10 years later. He's married, got a grandkid, has a solid job hes been at for 5 or 6 years, and even owns his own home. I truly believe that until they realize they have hit rock bottom and WANT to change, it'll be more of the same.

[Iowanian]

Tell him mohillbilly has money hidden under the seat of his truck.

[Phobia]

Why doesn't somebody just give him $1.50 worth of rope?

[loochy]

Why doesn't somebody just give him $1.50 worth of rope?

From what I've read here, I think it would probably be best for all involved if that happened.

[HemiEd]

I have an old friend like that, very selfish individual.

He "attempted" suicide multiple times, but nobody misses point blank with a gun, and just grazes his body enough to just draw blood.

Screaming for attention, that is all it is.

I am sorry you and your Mom have to deal with this, much like I felt bad for his Mom whom he even stole from.

[Saul Good]

Why doesn't somebody just give him $1.50 worth of rope?

You need to find a better rope guy. You're getting gouged.

[mikey23545]

You need to find a better rope guy. You're getting gouged.

Depends how tall a tree it is.

[luv]

Wow, whos more screwed up in the head….your brother, or the married woman who would actually date a screwup like him? (Sorry Luv….no offense)

None taken.

[luv]

Why doesn't somebody just give him $1.50 worth of rope?

I can spare that. More if needed.

[loochy]

I can spare that. More if needed.

I'll MAIL you some if you need it.

[boogblaster]

attention only .. knew this goof that shot himself in both arms .. over a woman .. stupid f*cker ....