Fappin while married

[durtyrute]

Mrs. Durty and I have been married for almost three years, but we've been together for almost six. There were times in the past when I would try to hide the fact that while she was out, I was trying out for the Kansas City Fap Squad. She would come home and ask if I did and I'd say no. That was in the beginning. Now, when she ask I am very honest about my faptivity. :evil:

There have been sometimes in the recent past where she would go out and ya know, it's fap city, but then she'd come home wanting to do it and I already did the do so I'm like, "naw, I'm good" This makes Mrs. Durty angry.:deevee: So being the great hubby that I am,o:-) when she would go out after that, I would refuse to fap, so that when she came back, it's bownchickabownwow.:thumb:
Then the roles would be reversed where I'd be all ready and she'd be like, "maybe next time". :banghead:
So I got my pay back there, that's what I get, but the thing that gets me is she'll say, "let's not do it tonight so it will be even better tomorrow" I'm like "cool" Then tomorrow comes and.....nothing :banghead:

So I fap, then she tries to get mad. "Hey I'm can't hold them in forever, they need to be freed" ;)

This usually has Mrs Durty like....:harumph:

So the question is.......to fap or not to fap?

[ChiTown]

I assume you are both around 19?

[BigRichard]

Fap

[Fritz88]

I say we get Manning as a QB, if healthy.

[DeezNutz]

Cassel sucks.

[durtyrute]

I assume you are both around 19?

not so much

[Bearcat]

She would come home and ask if I did and I'd say no.


Hi honey, how was everything while I was gone? I'm starving, have you eaten? Did you get a lot done around the house? Did you get around to fixing the cabinet? Fap much?

[whoman69]

FaP

[Dr. Johnny Fever]

It's time to separate the wheat from the chaff... the men from the boys... and the awkwardly feminine from the possibly canadian

[durtyrute]

Hi honey, how was everything while I was gone? I'm starving, have you eaten? Did you get a lot done around the house? Did you get around to fixing the cabinet? Fap much?

LMAOLMAOLMAO

[ChiTown]

not so much

I'm shocked.

[WV]

You can't FAP and bang your wife when she's ready......:loser:

[Fish]

Your wife routinely asks you if you masturbated while she was gone? WTF?

[The Franchise]

You can't FAP and bang your wife when she's ready......:loser:

This.

Unless you seriously just got done 30 seconds before she showed up....you should be fine to go another round.

[Dr. Johnny Fever]

Ya know I met this married chick a while back who wanted to get it on... so we did... and I asked her what about your husband....... she said that dumbass is at home fapping anyway, like he'll have anything left for me...


:hmmm:

[Bearcat]

Your wife routinely asks you if you masturbated while she was gone? WTF?

Oooh, the sheets smell so fresh... but, you never wash the sh-:shake:

[BigCatDaddy]

You can't FAP and bang your wife when she's ready......:loser:

That's what I was thinking. You don't have to be a 1 trick pony.

[WV]

This.

Unless you seriously just got done 30 seconds before she showed up....you should be fine to go another round.

Even still....play up the foreplay and make her think your all romantic and stuff....but NEVER turn down a piece of ass when your married, especially when she initiates it! If you haven't figured that out yet your either lucky or don't have kids yet.

[CoMoChief]

Gotta watch the new "American Reunion" trailer. Hilarious.

[Brock]

Sounds like a wonderful relationship that will endure for decades.

[seclark]

start using her sock and maybe she'll start working w/you.
sec

[durtyrute]

You can't FAP and bang your wife when she's ready......:loser:

Not having the ability to and not wanting to are two different things.

[The Franchise]

Not having the ability to and not wanting to are two different things.

If you don't have the ability to.....then that's pathetic.

[Brock]

If you don't have the ability to.....then that's pathetic.

If he doesn't want to, that's even more pathetic.

[durtyrute]

Your wife routinely asks you if you masturbated while she was gone? WTF?

She would go out once a week everyweek for months, so I fapped a diddle dandy. One time I left the video up and that's when it started.

[ChiTown]

Not having the ability to and not wanting to are two different things.

If your wife needs it in her hole, you stick it in her hole. No questions asked. It's your job. Gitrdone.

[durtyrute]

If he doesn't want to, that's even more pathetic.

Once I bust I'm dust, unless I get some "attention". If you want me to try to turn you on after I let loose you'll be waiting for atleast an hour.

[The Franchise]

She would go out once a week everyweek for months, so I fapped a diddle dandy. One time I left the video up and that's when it started.

Ahhh.....so you're a moron. Got it.

[seclark]

She would go out once a week everyweek for months, so I fapped a diddle dandy. One time I left the video up and that's when it started.

:LOL::LOL::LOL: poor bastard...you're not even any good at jerking off. do yourself a favor and have this shit-thread deleted.
sec

[durtyrute]

If your wife needs it in her hole, you stick it in her hole. No questions asked. It's your job. Gitrdone.

LMAO

[durtyrute]

Ahhh.....so you're a moron. Got it.

LMAO

[Brock]

You may need to go get your hormones checked. That's not normal unless you're like 60.

[durtyrute]

:LOL::LOL::LOL: poor bastard...you're not even any good at jerking off. do yourself a favor and have this shit-thread deleted.
sec

LMAO

[Dr. Johnny Fever]

LMAO

LMAO

[Fish]

She would go out once a week everyweek for months, so I fapped a diddle dandy. One time I left the video up and that's when it started.

Dude.... :facepalm:

[durtyrute]

You may need to go get your hormones checked. That's not normal unless you're like 60.

LMAO

[The Dawg]

WTF just happened?

[durtyrute]

Dude.... :facepalm:

I know man, it happened once. I started doing other shit and forgot to come back into the room to turn it off.

[ChiTown]

WTF just happened?

well, durty just LMAO, while he was :holdman: and it made himLMAO some more.

[WV]

Poor guy....one and done is no fun.

[Micjones]

When has a fap session ever been a replacement for the real thing?

Unless I'm finishing as she's coming through the door...
Consider those "practice swings".

[The Franchise]

I know man, it happened once. I started doing other shit and forgot to come back into the room to turn it off.

:spock:

:facepalm:

You left it on and went to do other stuff?

[Predarat]

Some things are just undescribable. Some things are not worthy of being described. This is one of those things.

[The Dawg]

well, durty just LMAO, while he was :holdman: and it made himLMAO some more.

Thank you for clearing that up for me. LMAO

[durtyrute]

:spock:

:facepalm:

You left it on and went to do other stuff?

It wasn't playing or anything. I finished, cleaned up, went to the kitchen and fixed some food, then she came home. We talked and a little later she went into the computer room and saw it when she "woke the computer up". She gave me shit about it forever until she realized that I'm a fapper. Between our schedules and kids we get maybe a couple of times a week in there, and so do I.

[thecoffeeguy]

It wasn't playing or anything. I finished, cleaned up, went to the kitchen and fixed some food, then she came home. We talked and a little later she went into the computer room and saw it when she "woke the computer up". She gave me shit about it forever until she realized that I'm a fapper. Between our schedules and kids we get maybe a couple of times a week in there, and so do I.

You need to take a course on how to hide the evidence. :thumb:

[Iowanian]

Ya know I met this married chick a while back who wanted to get it on... so we did... and I asked her what about your husband....... she said that dumbass is at home fapping anyway, like he'll have anything left for me...


:hmmm:

Anyone who screws a married woman is a piece of shit. I hope he uses his strong forearms to choke your neck when he's done with his chicken.

[Iowanian]

start using her sock and maybe she'll start working w/you.
sec

"Honey, Starched your socks for you today"






you and your lady both sound like real prizes for each other, durty.

[Dr. Johnny Fever]

Anyone who screws a married woman is a piece of shit. I hope he uses his strong forearms to choke your neck when he's done with his chicken.

***not sure if serious pic***

[HemiEd]

When has a fap session ever been a replacement for the real thing?

Unless I'm finishing as she's coming through the door...
Consider those "practice swings".

This

[Fire Me Boy!]

Anyone who screws a married woman is a piece of shit. I hope he uses his strong forearms to choke your neck when he's done with his chicken.

I understand the sentiment, but how does the guy have any responsibility? He didn't cheat on her husband. She did. The piece of shit is the woman who cheated.

[Dr. Johnny Fever]

I understand the sentiment, but how does the guy have any responsibility? He didn't cheat on her husband. She did. The piece of shit is the woman who cheated.

I was just making a parody if you will of the OP rather than starting a spin off/parody thread. My assumption is Iowanian knew that... that's my assumption.

[ChiTown]

I understand the sentiment, but how does the guy have any responsibility? He didn't cheat on her husband. She did. The piece of shit is the woman who cheated.

Because, if you know a woman is married, you should never move forward with that deal in the first place. You are just as culpable as she is. Why? I won't be aiming my gun at her, I'll be aiming it at you:evil:

[durtyrute]

I understand the sentiment, but how does the guy have any responsibility? He didn't cheat on her husband. She did. The piece of shit is the woman who cheated.

Yea, it's not the man fault unless he started it, then when he found out, beat the "lover" with a broken axe handle.

[suds79]

I understand the sentiment, but how does the guy have any responsibility? He didn't cheat on her husband. She did. The piece of shit is the woman who cheated.

Nobody is saying the woman is free of guilt. It's bad. Real bad.

But you aren't making the case that the guy is free and clear because he's not the one who's married right? You get it right? It's a morality issue.

[Fire Me Boy!]

Because, if you know a woman is married, you should never move forward with that deal in the first place. You are just as culpable as she is. Why? I won't be aiming my gun at her, I'll be aiming it at you:evil:

I guess. I'm not sure if the roles were reversed that I'd be all that pissed off at the guy. The wife... she's the one at fault and from whom I expect loyalty.

[durtyrute]

Nobody is saying the woman is free of guilt. It's bad. Real bad.

But you aren't making the case that the guy is free and clear because he's not the one who's married right? You get it right? It's a morality issue.

Depends on if he knew or not.

[lazepoo]

Is there seriously a fap smiley? What is that thing supposed to be?

[suds79]

Depends on if he knew or not.

Agreed. Sure seemed like Beer me did though from his post.

[The Franchise]

Holy fuck. Beer_me's post was a fucking joke.

[durtyrute]

Agreed. Sure seemed like Beer me did though from his post.

I can't lie, I have....twice. One was an ex who dumped me for the guy she married then didn't want him and came back to me, so we did it( I should've said fuck you, but I did it, I did get to say fuck you later though) The second was before that and she said her hubby left her months ago, which he did, so we did.

[Dr. Johnny Fever]

Holy ****. Beer_me's post was a ****ing joke.

no underscore or capitals

[The Dawg]

Poop Fappin while married- Page 4 - Chiefs Planet ROFL

[durtyrute]

Poop Fappin while married- Page 4 - Chiefs Planet ROFL

LMAO

[The Franchise]

no underscore or capitals

Sorry about that Be_Er_mE

[Dr. Johnny Fever]

Sorry about that Be_Er_mE

heh thanks

[ChiTown]

Holy ****. Beer_me's post was a ****ing joke.

We're working on theoretical's here. Gawdmanit! I'm a man of science, for fuck's sake!

[Iowanian]

I was just making a parody if you will of the OP rather than starting a spin off/parody thread. My assumption is Iowanian knew that... that's my assumption.

I knew it. Hence the choking your neck like he choked his chicken. The OP obviously must have popeye forearms.


I do think people that screw with married people deserve what they get though.
If you know a woman is married, and you pork her, you deserve what you get anywhere between beating and death.

[HoneyBadger]

What does she look like? Then I'll tell you if you should fap or bang.

[Iowanian]

You bring up a good point hb.....maybe she's a real wildebeast and a fap is an improvement.

[HoneyBadger]

I'm trying my best to contribute to society.

[keg in kc]

Cassel sucks.Does he make you pay for it?

[stevenidol]

I knew it. Hence the choking your neck like he choked his chicken. The OP obviously must have popeye forearms.


I do think people that screw with married people deserve what they get though.
If you know a woman is married, and you pork her, you deserve what you get anywhere between beating and death.

Don't hate the player, hate the game.

[trndobrd]

She gave me shit about it forever until she realized that I'm a fapper.

Did she think she was married to a woman or some type of asexual hermaphrodite, or something?

[splatbass]

She would come home and ask if I did and I'd say no.

Weird. I've been married 25 years and my wife has never once come home and asked me that.

[Iowanian]

Weird. I've been married 25 years and my wife has never once come home and asked me that.


It's because she makes her extra shopping money letting voyeur gheys watch you through the window for cash.

[splatbass]

It's because she makes her extra shopping money letting voyeur gheys watch you through the window for cash.

What's your point?

[Iowanian]

Just the reason she's not asking or telling you that she knows your schedule for the ole rope-a-dope when she's at "Bridge club".

[Extra Point]

dirtyrute=KurtCobain=Joey

Mult city

[scho63]

Practice makes perfect-Fap until your hearts content!

http://www.lowbird.com/data/images/2011/11/spaceghetto-cba656cffb.gif (http://www.lowbird.com)

[JD10367]

#1: I have a running understanding with my wife that I try not to fap around Friday, in case she wants to get it on over the weekend. Mondays, though, fapping is fair game ('cause little happens during the beginning of the week).

#2: the odd times she asks, my answer is always the same; "I don't know, a couple of days ago I think". This is the standard answer, even if I just fapped two minutes before she came home. I'm married, not stupid. :D

[alanm]

You can't FAP and bang your wife when she's ready......:loser:Kinda what I was thinking. Now when you're over 50...:shrug:

[durtyrute]

What does she look like? Then I'll tell you if you should fap or bang.

The question is not should I fap or bang. The shit that gets me is when things are all hot and I'm ready, she wants to wait till tomorrow or some shit to make it special, so sometimes I fap and she gets all in a fuss. So, should I wait to fap or just fap today and bang tomorrow.

[Titty Meat]

Pics or youre lying.

[JD10367]

Pics or youre lying.

:spock: You want pics of him fapping?

(NTTAWWT...)

[QuikSsurfer]

I assume you are both around 19?

LMAO :LOL:

[QuikSsurfer]

Hi honey, how was everything while I was gone? I'm starving, have you eaten? Did you get a lot done around the house? Did you get around to fixing the cabinet? Fap much?

LMAO LMAO LMAO

[Lumpy]

You fap, she finds out, she gets upset. She says, "screw it, why should I have sex w/ him when he has his porn whores?". You don't get laid, you fap, she finds out, she gets more upset... /vicious cycle continues

Sadly, this happens in a lot of relationships. Feelings get hurt and you run out of lotion. Welcome to marriage. :)

[hometeam]

I have this same EXACT problem.

I fap when i can anyways.

[Reerun_KC]

You fap, she finds out, she gets upset. She says, "screw it, why should I have sex w/ him when he has his porn whores?". You don't get laid, you fap, she finds out, she gets more upset... /vicious cycle continues

Sadly, this happens in a lot of relationships. Feelings get hurt and you run out of lotion. Welcome to marriage. :)

Best part of being married is never having to flog the dolphin. All I have to do is ask.

[splatbass]

Best part of being married is never having to flog the dolphin. All I have to do is ask.

How long have you been married?

[Pablo]

How long have you been married?

Long enough to be full of shit.

[jlscorpio]

dude, its called stamina. Hell, I fap before I go on any date so I can go extra long.

[Pushead2]

http://static.fjcdn.com/pictures/Extreme_5c6a4f_351027.png

[HoneyBadger]

dude, its called stamina. Hell, I fap before I go on any date so I can go extra long.

I do it during my date so she knows I'm DTF

[beach tribe]

#1: I have a running understanding with my wife that I try not to fap around Friday, in case she wants to get it on over the weekend. Mondays, though, fapping is fair game ('cause little happens during the beginning of the week).

#2: the odd times she asks, my answer is always the same; "I don't know, a couple of days ago I think". This is the standard answer, even if I just fapped two minutes before she came home. I'm married, not stupid. :D

Wat?

[CoMoChief]

I do it during my date so she knows I'm DTF

LMAO

[MMXcalibur]

I sniff my wife's feet and lick between her toes while fappin'.
Is that weird?

[HoneyBadger]

I sniff my wife's feet and lick between her toes while fappin'.
Is that weird?

Nah, it's an up and coming fetish.

[splatbass]

I sniff my wife's feet and lick between her toes while fappin'.
Is that weird?

Rex Ryan?

[Slainte]

I finished, cleaned up, went to the kitchen and fixed some food, then she came home.

Noticed you didn't wash your hands at any time between "finished" and fixed some food"...

%(/

[Hoover]

durtyrute = Mark Sanchez?

Maybe that's just how I'm reading things.

[bevischief]

She would go out once a week everyweek for months, so I fapped a diddle dandy. One time I left the video up and that's when it started.

:facepalm:

You share a computer with her?

[Reerun_KC]

How long have you been married?

20 years.

[Archie F. Swin]

...but then she'd come home wanting to do it and I JIMP

FYP

[durtyrute]

Noticed you didn't wash your hands at any time between "finished" and fixed some food"...

%(/

LMAO What do you think "cleaned up" means?

[durtyrute]

:facepalm:

You share a computer with her?

It's funny that you say that, because we don't anymore. That happened about 4 years ago. She has the laptop and I have the faptop.

[Reerun_KC]

Long enough to be full of shit.
Sounds like a man that spends more time shooting his load into a kleenex than enjoying his wife.

Son, I learned a very long long time ago what makes my wife tick and how to make her a happy girl. Making her a happy girl = her keeping Reerun_KC very happy where it counts.


No need to be bitter.

[htismaqe]

dude, its called stamina. Hell, I fap before I go on any date so I can go extra long.

No shit.

If you can't fap AND perform for your woman afterwards, don't fap then pussy-boy!

ROFL

[Hog's Gone Fishin]

Leave the jerking to the proffessionals !

[htismaqe]

Leave the jerking to the proffessionals !

ROFL

[durtyrute]

Leave the jerking to the proffessionals !

LMAOLMAO

[Extra Point]

"I'm a fapper, he's a fapper, she's a fapper, we're all fappers.
Wouldn't you like to be a fapper, too?!" /Dr. Durtyrute

[tooge]

if she had two vaginas, you wouldn't have any issues. fap away

[SLAG]

http://i.imgur.com/RFHHL.gif

[loochy]

If you have your sexperiment then you can stop fapping

http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=254969

[BWillie]

Hookers and Blow>Fapping>Banging your wife over and over again

[durtyrute]

"I'm a fapper, he's a fapper, she's a fapper, we're all fappers.
Wouldn't you like to be a fapper, too?!" /Dr. Durtyrute

You can fap over here
You can fap over there
You can fap in a bed
You can fap in a chair

[tooge]

Wat?

a fap schedule? wtf?

[Gonzo]

You can fap over here
You can fap over there
You can fap in a bed
You can fap in a chair

You can fap in the bed or in a hat, you can fap on a train or with the cat.

You can fap all day, young man. You can even fap when your mom's on the can.

You can fap on a train or in the air or on a bed or on a chair or in the pool or on some tools or at the lake or on a steak. You can fap everywhere, you see. You can fap anywhere, LOOK AT ME!
I do so like to fap my man, now I'm gonna fap on your X-mas ham. That's not honey-glaze my boy, that's my fappy juice, what a joy!

[durtyrute]

You can fap in the bed or in a hat, you can fap on a train or with the cat.

You can fap all day, young man. You can even fap when your mom's on the can.

You can fap on a train or in the air or on a bed or on a chair or in the pool or on some tools or at the lake or on a steak. You can fap everywhere, you see. You can fap anywhere, LOOK AT ME!
I do so like to fap my man, now I'm gonna fap on your X-mas ham. That's not honey-glaze my boy, that's my fappy juice, what a joy!

:thumb: That was beautiful

[BigCatDaddy]

You can fap in the bed or in a hat, you can fap on a train or with the cat.

You can fap all day, young man. You can even fap when your mom's on the can.

You can fap on a train or in the air or on a bed or on a chair or in the pool or on some tools or at the lake or on a steak. You can fap everywhere, you see. You can fap anywhere, LOOK AT ME!
I do so like to fap my man, now I'm gonna fap on your X-mas ham. That's not honey-glaze my boy, that's my fappy juice, what a joy!

LMAO

[oldman]

The first rule of fapping after you're married is there is no fapping after you're married (re-phrased from Fight Club). Here's something to think about--is she fapping while you're out and about?

[durtyrute]

The first rule of fapping after you're married is there is no fapping after you're married (re-phrased from Fight Club). Here's something to think about--is she fapping while you're out and about?

LMAO

THat was hilarious. Rep

[durtyrute]

The first rule of fapping after you're married is there is no fapping after you're married (re-phrased from Fight Club). Here's something to think about--is she fapping while you're out and about?

I encourage it, but she doesn't.

[durtyrute]

126 posts about a mans faptivity


http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-j5to-EpzcWg/Tlxtt-x23tI/AAAAAAAAI_k/GeHJhfuvQcM/s400/Image%2B%253D%2BVedy%2Binteresting.jpg