Mondays

[Otter]

I was up way too late drinking last night and watching the games then wound up shooting pool till 2am. 20 minutes late for work because I fell asleep without setting the alarm on my IPhone that I apparently slept on with my face judging by the imprint. My boss gave me a run down of the 'to do' list in a 5 minute briefing that I just nodded and absorbed nothing. He could have told me I need to give him head in the parking lot for all I know and I left a wet fart after 1/2 a coffee on the drive here.

The good news is that the we fart didn't come through the other side so it's our little secret. It's going to be a glorious Monday.

Sorry if repost.

[Chiefnj2]

You have to prioritize. Deal with the wet fart first, or it'll distract you all day. You'll be wondering if people can smell it, it'll start to itch and cake up, etc.

You won't be the first person to chuck their skivvies into the garbage of the restroom at work. Just be sure to bring in a Sharpie and write the name of your least favorite co-worker on the waist band in case someone peeks in and sees it.

[Otter]

You have to prioritize. Deal with the wet fart first, or it'll distract you all day. You'll be wondering if people can smell it, it'll start to itch and cake up, etc.

You won't be the first person to chuck their skivvies into the garbage of the restroom at work. Just be sure to bring in a Sharpie and write the name of your least favorite co-worker on the waist band in case someone peeks in and sees it.

Ooh, I like that. Nice way to make lemonade out of lemons. Rep to you my good man. See, this may work out ok after all.

[Mr. Flopnuts]

When that wet fart dries, it's gonna itch.

[rockymtnchief]

ROFL I feel for ya.

I went out in the dark to move snow this morning. I started getting warm and decided to unzip my coat, but the zipper was stuck so I kept going and sweat my ass off. Then I got inside and realized I was trying to unzip my chest pocket the whole time. :banghead:

[Frazod]

I got the brilliant idea to start watching Spartacus on Netflix at about 12:30. Then I got the brilliant idea to start watching the second episode about 1:30. Yeah, I'm a little tired right now. It's definitely going to be a Starbucks/5 hour energy kind of day.

But last least I haven't crapped my pants, so I do feel pretty good about that. Thanks Otter! :D

Oh and with regard to Spartacus - it's pretty silly, but Xena boobage FTW!

[Gonzo]

I got the brilliant idea to start watching Spartacus on Netflix at about 12:30. Then I got the brilliant idea to start watching the second episode about 1:30. Yeah, I'm a little tired right now. It's definitely going to be a Starbucks/5 hour energy kind of day.

But last least I haven't crapped my pants, so I do feel pretty good about that. Thanks Otter! :D

Oh and with regard to Spartacus - it's pretty silly, but Xena boobage FTW!

You don't have leakage yet but you soon will with the Starbucks and 5 hour...

I get the crazy wicked squirts on that stuff.

[Frazod]

You don't have leakage yet but you soon will with the Starbucks and 5 hour...

I get the crazy wicked squirts on that stuff.

Maybe you're doing it wrong. :D

[Mr. Flopnuts]

I'm hungover like a motherfucker......

FUCK YOU JIM BEAM!

[tooge]

I just plain hate mondays. I'd gladly give up one of my toes to not ever have to work on monday again.

[boogblaster]

mondays like any other day to me .. all suck anymore ......

[luv]

I just plain hate mondays. I'd gladly give up one of my toes to not ever have to work on monday again.

You're a dentist. Is your office open on Fridays?

[Gonzo]

Did you ever wonder why Garfield hated Mondays? It's not like he had a job, he's a fucking cat. How's Monday different from any other day for him?
Fat asshole cat.
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[Gonzo]

You're a dentist. Is your office open on Fridays?

A dentist?
Good Grief...
Posted via Mobile Device

[CHENZ A!]

I am sleepy, and slightly hungover as well. I was about 20 min late this morning, but that was because I was having some morning sex with a hot chick. Also, when I got here, my assistant brought me a bunch of homemade Mexican food and she is a fantastic cook. This has been a pretty fucking great Monday morning so far.

[Mr. Flopnuts]

Did you ever wonder why Garfield hated Mondays? It's not like he had a job, he's a fucking cat. How's Monday different from any other day for him?
Fat asshole cat.
Posted via Mobile Device

It was a ruse. When you're unemployed, every day is saturday. Everyone knows that.

[tooge]

You're a dentist. Is your office open on Fridays?

Yeah, but I'm off on Fridays. I know, I know, poor me, complaining about mondays.

[|Zach|]

My boss gave me a run down of the 'to do' list in a 5 minute briefing that I just nodded and absorbed nothing. He could have told me I need to give him head in the parking lot for all I know

LMAO

[Dave Lane]

Every day is Saturday to me if I decide so. Mondays are fine I think I may go play a little Skyrim if I can stop drinking my latte and get outta bed.

[Demonpenz]

I used to hate Mondays in college even though I rarely had school or work that day. The day sucks in general because even if you have the day off, you get the run off or extra suck from people around you. You can't just call up your buddy and expect him to be in a good mood.

[gblowfish]

Wet fart? You mean Hershey Squirt? That leads to the inevitable condition known as "tangy asshole."

I'm sorely disappointed, this should have been tagged as a poop thread.

[Chiefnj2]

Meanwhile Otter's boss is sitting in his car staring at his watch wondering where the hell Otter is.

[sedated]

I am sleepy, and slightly hungover as well. I was about 20 min late this morning, but that was because I was having some morning sex with a hot chick. Also, when I got here, my assistant brought me a bunch of homemade Mexican food and she is a fantastic cook. This has been a pretty ****ing great Monday morning so far.

I’d give the obligatory “pics or it didn’t happen”, but I’ve already got the camera setup in your room, so no need. I got a great view of her poking holes in the condom while you were in the bathroom.

[Radar Chief]

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/ChfIyHZqEd8" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

[Radar Chief]

I'm hungover like a mother****er......

**** YOU JIM BEAM!

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/Uyd7_P7nlkE" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

[ModSocks]

I like Mondays. Out of all the work days in a week, Monday seems to fly by the fastest.

[CHENZ A!]

I’d give the obligatory “pics or it didn’t happen”, but I’ve already got the camera setup in your room, so no need. I got a great view of her poking holes in the condom while you were in the bathroom.

LMAO what'd ya think of the new moves I threw in there? I've made it 30 yrs without managing to get trapped. Generally pull out even when wearing a condom, so that type of thing can't happen. Also it's more fun to make a mess.

[sedated]

LMAO what'd ya think of the new moves I threw in there? I've made it 30 yrs without managing to get trapped. Generally pull out even when wearing a condom, so that type of thing can't happen. Also it's more fun to make a mess.

That’s exactly how my buddy in STL knocked up his now-wife. Or so he claims.

[Mr. Flopnuts]

When I was younger, I would throw up when hungover. Oddly enough, now I puke out of my asshole. I hate hangovers.

[seclark]

When I was younger, I would throw up when hungover. Oddly enough, now I puke out of my asshole. I hate hangovers.

one or the other, but never both at the same time.
sec

[vailpass]

I was up way too late drinking last night and watching the games then wound up shooting pool till 2am. 20 minutes late for work because I fell asleep without setting the alarm on my IPhone that I apparently slept on with my face judging by the imprint. My boss gave me a run down of the 'to do' list in a 5 minute briefing that I just nodded and absorbed nothing. He could have told me I need to give him head in the parking lot for all I know and I left a wet fart after 1/2 a coffee on the drive here.

The good news is that the we fart didn't come through the other side so it's our little secret. It's going to be a glorious Monday.

Sorry if repost.

LMAO

[Nzoner]

Yesterday was buy 1 get 1 free at my local watering hole and my dumbass opts for double Crown on the rocks but my great bartender tops each one off so it's much closer to a triple.I made it thru 11 and had to pass on my free drink to another customer who'd only been there an hour or so.

Thankfully I had already decided no real work today,so I'm sitting at my desk feeling like shit playing on the puter.

[Okie_Apparition]

I must have an iron spinchter
I have'nt shit myself since I was 3

[Chiefs Pantalones]

Monday's are the AIDS of the week

[durtyrute]

Spinoff on pooping your slacks

I remember standing watch one time and the guy across from me started looking all weird. He ended up asking the officer in charge if he could go to the bathroom because he pooped his slacks. The officer said no and he had to stand there for four hours with the shit running down his leg.

Just a note: It wasn't me, I've never pooped my slacks on watch, but I did when I was about to get laid. (In case you couldn't guess, I didn't get any that night)

[Lumpy]

No brown-outs here, (which, btw... EWWWW!!! LMAO), but I did have a pain in my ass. A client. She told us she needed her order in a big ass hurry, we substituted material so that we could meet her deadline, she was unhappy w/ the quality, then she stated that she didn't need her order asap afterall. This resulted in us reproducing her order and eating the cost. Our profit = $25.00.

Gotta love Mondays. Thankfully, the beer fridge at work is fully stocked... eh, for now! :thumb:

[journeyscarab]

Meanwhile Otter's boss is sitting in his car staring at his watch wondering where the hell Otter is.

ROFL:LOL:

[Frazod]

Didn't see this personally, but in keeping with the nasty shit in this thread....

The wife and I were out a restaurant. Wife went to the ladies room. Unfortunate woman in there who had been wearing white pants when Aunt Flo decided to show up unannounced and unblocked.

Did I mention that I'm glad I didn't see that?

[Gonzo]

Didn't see this personally, but in keeping with the nasty shit in this thread....

The wife and I were out a restaurant. Wife went to the ladies room. Unfortunate woman in there who had been wearing white pants when Aunt Flo decided to show up unannounced and unblocked.

Did I mention that I'm glad I didn't see that?

Remember that scene from The Shining where the elevator doors open up and blood pours out?
Ewww.
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[Frazod]

Remember that scene from The Shining where the elevator doors open up and blood pours out?
Ewww.
Posted via Mobile Device

I was thinking more like Carrie. Either way, ewww pretty much covers it.

The wife said the poor girl was soaked all the way down both sides.

Ewww Ewww Ewww

[Sofa King]

Remember that scene from The Shining where the elevator doors open up and blood pours out?
Ewww.
Posted via Mobile Device

http://images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2010/6/7/129204299104291296.jpg

[Otter]

Gotta love Mondays. Thankfully, the beer fridge at work is fully stocked... eh, for now! :thumb:

Lumpy if you weren't married to a good man I'd try to sweep you up myself. I like your style.

I honestly did take a sharpie to my boxers, wet fart stain and all, write my bosses name on them and leave them laying on the bench inside the shower room. We'll see how that pans out. He's an old war horse himself tho, he'll find it funny and if he don't they'll have to do DNA to prove it was me.

Thank you Chiefnj! I wouldn't have come up with that one on my own today.

Interesting day, it's fun every once in awhile.

[Lumpy]

Lumpy if you weren't married to a good man I'd try to sweep you up myself. I like your style.

I honestly did take a sharpie to my boxers, wet fart stain and all, write my bosses name on them and leave them laying on the bench inside the shower room. We'll see how that pans out. He's an old war horse himself tho, he'll find it funny and if he don't they'll have to do DNA to prove it was me.

Thank you Chiefnj! I wouldn't have come up with that one on my own today.

Interesting day, it's fun every once in awhile.

Mkay. Thanks! :D

Thanks for the visual too, I needed that...

:Lin:

[RockChalk]

So, any chance you avoided shitting your pants today? Also, did your boss say anything about the boxers?

[Dayze]

Did you ever wonder why Garfield hated Mondays? It's not like he had a job, he's a ****ing cat. How's Monday different from any other day for him?
Fat asshole cat.
Posted via Mobile Device

LMAO

[SLAG]

Damn -
If I wasn't up til 3AM watching Movies on Netflix Sunday Night - Then I wouldn't have called into work yesterday and would have seen this thread in all its glory -
No wet farts here yet -- but I always make sure to take care of the Mudd Butt / Swamp Ass before it dries

[Otter]

Damn -
If I wasn't up til 3AM watching Movies on Netflix Sunday Night - Then I wouldn't have called into work yesterday and would have seen this thread in all its glory -
No wet farts here yet -- but I always make sure to take care of the Mudd Butt / Swamp Ass before it dries

It was a rough day and I'm off the sauce for about a month to give my body time to recover. Still no word on the boxers but if anything comes up I'll bump the thread.

I'm guessing they were just thrown away but there's at least a couple people who saw them and read the sharpie. That I'm sure of.

[vailpass]

It was a rough day and I'm off the sauce for about a month to give my body time to recover. Still no word on the boxers but if anything comes up I'll bump the thread.

I'm guessing they were just thrown away but there's at least a couple people who saw them and read the sharpie. That I'm sure of.

Keep us posted on that. Good luck with it.

[Otter]

Keep us posted on that. Good luck with it.

Oh it's easy to stay away from but it's like eating one potato chip.

I can say with 100% certainty that anyone who has toasted with me can verify I'm one of happiest drunks on earth. I still want to party with Nzoner, I'm guessing that will be both very bad and very good.

:toast:

[vailpass]

Oh it's easy to stay away from but it's like eating one potato chip.

I can say with 100% certainty that anyone who has toasted with me can verify I'm one of happiest drunks on earth. I still want to party with Nzoner, I'm guessing that will be both very bad and very good.

:toast:

right on.
Cheers.