Worse Vacation Ever !

[crossbow]

How do I begin? Had major chest pains two days before I was to fly back home. Got on plane and had mild heart attack in flight. The airline (thankfully) refused to let me on connection flight without medical clearance so off to hospital I went. Three days after I arrive at hospital I wake up and was told I coded three times and was legally dead those times. I was induced into a medical coma during those 3 days because of the hard time they were having trying to keep me alive.

Triple bypass (ouch). They couldn't wake me from the coma and they were going to turn off the machines that were keeping me alive. My sister walks in and sees whats going on so she puts her hand under my chin and calls my name. It was a voice I recognized so I woke up.

The people around my bed acted like they just punched in a Superbowl touchdown and beamed with pleasure. "We did it, he lives !!!" For a couple of days people show up at my bed smiling and telling me I am called the miracle man because I had a 5% chance and we beat the odds.

The surgeon tells me I am a very lucky man. I tell him it was no problem cuz I put my two best women on it (sister and wife). Hope you guys don't think I am looking for sympathy just sharing a life experience with you.

So I get home and find out the Chiefs hire yet another Patriots retread for offensive coordinator. This year is not starting off well.

[T-post Tom]

Welcome back.

[dirk digler]

Wow glad that you are alive... How old are you by chance? And why didn't you go to the hospital instead of getting on the plane?

[Rain Man]

That does indeed sound like a bad vacation. I'm glad to hear that you're on the mend. That must be a sobering experience.

So did you see a white light or Jesus or dinosaurs or anything?

[crossbow]

This happened on my 57th birthday. I didn't know I was having a heart attack. I thought I was short of breath because I smoke too much. Can't say I ever want a cigarette again.

[milkman]

Doesn't sound like the vacation was bad, just your heart.

Next time, just take a doctor with you.

[pr_capone]

Damn... glad you are still posting meng.

[crossbow]

They give you a drug that makes you forget the whole coma part so I can't remember seeing God or even Carl Peterson. I just remember hearing my sister's voice and thinking it was someone I needed to talk to.

[Rain Man]

They give you a drug that makes you forget the whole coma part so I can't remember seeing God or even Carl Peterson. I just remember hearing my sister's voice and thinking it was someone I needed to talk to.

You probably got all of the answers to life and were told to go back and change humanity, and then the doctors gave you that drug.

[RJ]

Glad you're still with us.

Other than the heart attack and being brought back from the brink of certain death, how was the trip?

[Extra Point]

They just didn't want him to relive the Carl Peterson experience.

Congrats, crossbow!

[crossbow]

You probably got all of the answers to life and were told to go back and change humanity, and then the doctors gave you that drug.

Lol, absolutely God explained it all to me and how I should take the message to congress but I forgot what he said.

[crossbow]

Well, the actual vacation was fun. Dominican Republic with plenty of beaches and rum.

[crossbow]

Thanks for the kind thoughts guys. It is good to be back home. Gonna take it very easy for a few months and then ease into things. Just glad to be alive at this point. Now back to Pioli bashing.

[FAX]

Welcome back to Earth, Mr. crossbow. I'm very glad you're okay. Looks like it was a close one, but your doctors were both talented and stubborn which is a good combination of traits in doctors.

Not much has changed around here. I tried out a new granola bar recipe, but overcooked the oats. The Chiefs are risking a tampering charge by talking in public about how great Manning is. I got hypnotized by a set of tittahs that resemble majestic, metaphysical orbs of mystery. Oh, and Mr. Laz has finally turned to the dark side and made a pact with Satan. Satan gave him a new male, dwarf lover to replace the one he lost in a poker game in exchange for his soul. Other than that, same ol' stuff.

FAX

[Iowanian]

Glad you're still kicking.

I was thinking I saw this episode before on some show on cable...this is the part where you start talking about what you saw while you were coded after this commercial break.

[crossbow]

Welcome back to Earth, Mr. crossbow. I'm very glad you're okay. Looks like it was a close one, but your doctors were both talented and stubborn which is a good combination of traits in doctors.

Not much has changed around here. I tried out a new granola bar recipe, but overcooked the oats. The Chiefs are risking a tampering charge by talking in public about how great Manning is. I got hypnotized by a set of tittahs that resemble majestic, metaphysical orbs of mystery. Oh, and Mr. Laz has finally turned to the dark side and made a pact with Satan. Satan gave him a new male, dwarf lover to replace the one he lost in a poker game in exchange for his soul. Other than that, same ol' stuff.

FAX

Your posts are always entertaining and creative. Glad to read them. My best wishes to Laz and his new boy friend.

Advice to Laz: Always use condoms. The risks are just not worth it.

[mlyonsd]

That sounds like it sucked but great to see you still kicking. By chance when you were out did you ever walk towards a light and see Matt Cassel hoisting the Super Bowl trophy into the air?

[crossbow]

Glad you're still kicking.

I was thinking I saw this episode before on some show on cable...this is the part where you start talking about what you saw while you were coded after this commercial break.

I guess they blow out your memory for your own good. I do remember reliving the following Thursday 6 times over and over and thinking that I was gonna rip all those tubes and and wires out of my body if that didn't stop because it was maddening. But my sister came to the rescue. I just recall thinking it was somehow very important that I talk to her and that it couldn't wait. You can't talk to anyone because they jammed a bunch of tubes down your throat so all you can do is blink and nod.

[aturnis]

Congratulations on not dying! I'd recommend next time you have "major chest pains", you don't ignore them.

[FAX]

Your posts are always entertaining and creative. Glad to read them. My best wishes to Laz and his new boy friend.

Advice to Laz: Always use condoms. The risks are just not worth it.

I'm not sure they make condoms in size, "Microscopic Stylus". Maybe they do, but I wouldn't know.

As for your surgery, I have known several gentlemen who have had multiple bypasses (as we all have) and they've told me that they feel 20 years younger afterwards. I trust that holds true in your case.

Best of luck.

FAX

[Nickel D]

"Worse" means you've only had two vacations in your lifetime and this one was not as good as the other one.

"Worst" means you've had at least three vacations in your lifetime and this one would be ranked as dead last if you ranked all of them in terms as to which one was the best.

[Munson]

Glad to hear you made it.

BTW, did God tell you when the Chiefs are gonna draft a 1st round QB that will lead us to a Super Bowl victory?

[crossbow]

I'm not sure they make condoms in size, "Microscopic Stylus". Maybe they do, but I wouldn't know.

As for your surgery, I have known several gentlemen who have had multiple bypasses (as we all have) and they've told me that they feel 20 years younger afterwards. I trust that holds true in your case.

Best of luck.

FAX

How long does it take to get over the initial surgery? As you can imagine, I feel very week and frail. I have holes all over my torso and a huge cut down the center of my chest. All I feel like doing all day is sleep or guard the couch in front of the TV.

[pr_capone]

I'm not sure they make condoms in size, "Microscopic Stylus". Maybe they do, but I wouldn't know.

FAX

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41cF40QIP3L._SS400_.jpg

[Archie F. Swin]

What does a heart attack feel like?

[FAX]

How long does it take to get over the initial surgery? As you can imagine, I feel very week and frail. I have holes all over my torso and a huge cut down the center of my chest. All I feel like doing all day is sleep or guard the couch in front of the TV.

I don't know exactly, Mr. crossbow. I'd say 2 to 4 weeks until you start feeling more or less normal ... back in business after 2 to 4 months. If you had veins removed from your legs, that may take awhile.

Please note that I am no a medical professional, however. This is merely an estimate based on an experiment I did on a gerbil one time.

FAX

[crossbow]

Glad to hear you made it.

BTW, did God tell you when the Chiefs are gonna draft a 1st round QB that will lead us to a Super Bowl victory?

Yeah and he gave me some lottery numbers too but like I said they wipe that part of your memory out with drugs so its back to the grind I guess.

[crossbow]

What does a heart attack feel like?

Your chest hurts and feels real tight. It is hard to breath and your heart pounds harder then it should.

I was very lucky to make it back to the states to enter a good hospital. No way would that backward country I was in have been able to do what a highly skilled team of professionals from the U.S. can.

[Rain Man]

"Worse" means you've only had two vacations in your lifetime and this one was not as good as the other one.

"Worst" means you've had at least three vacations in your lifetime and this one would be ranked as dead last if you ranked all of them in terms as to which one was the best.

On his last vacation, he was attacked and torn to shreds by a shark/lion hybrid. There's a thread about it somewhere.

[R8RFAN]

God is good Crossbow....

[RJ]

Well, the actual vacation was fun. Dominican Republic with plenty of beaches and rum.


So technically the vacation was fine but the heart attack was prety bad. Although (not to pick nits) we can safely say that even the heart attack wouldn't qualify as "worse ever" for obvious reasons.

If you were in better shape we'd probably all demand that you change the thread title. But given the circumstances I for one am willing to let it go. And let this serve as a lesson to all of us about the dangers of drinking rum on a Dominican beach.

[crossbow]

Ok, I changed the title to "worst" which is appropriate but isn't the return trip part of the vacation?

[FAX]

Speaking of lion/shark hybrids ...

Apparently, there was a possible sighting of a Caribbean Monk Seal in Florida fairly recently. They even got film of it swimming around. Caribbean Monk Seals are often confused with lion/shark hybrids and have supposedly been extinct since 1952 having been hunted to death for oil. I guess some people like Caribbean Monk Seal oil which I don't completely understand since you don't have that many opportunities to grease down a Caribbean Monk Seal. Still, if they are, in fact, still around and not extinct any more like Mr. crossbow, that would be very cool. The world can't have enough Caribbean Monk Seals, so far as I'm concerned ... well ... that's not necessarily true ... If we were overrun with Caribbean Monk Seals ... like, say ... there were billions and billions of Caribbean Monk Seals and we had to stand in line behind them at Starbucks, that would be bad and we'd probably have no choice but to kill them off again.

FAX

[RJ]

Ok, I changed the title to "worst" which is appropriate but isn't the return trip part of the vacation?


No, absolutely not. The return trip is officially the time to start thinking to yourself, "Fuck, I don't feel like going back to work".

[crossbow]

Well I did have the first heart attack while at the resort two days before my return flight so that kinda ruins the experience.

[RJ]

Speaking of lion/shark hybrids ...

Apparently, there was a possible sighting of a Caribbean Monk Seal in Florida fairly recently. They even got film of it swimming around. Caribbean Monk Seals are often confused with lion/shark hybrids and have supposedly been extinct since 1952 having been hunted to death for oil. I guess some people like Caribbean Monk Seal oil which I don't completely understand since you don't have that many opportunities to grease down a Caribbean Monk Seal. Still, if they are, in fact, still around and not extinct any more like Mr. crossbow, that would be very cool. The world can't have enough Caribbean Monk Seals, so far as I'm concerned ... well ... that's not necessarily true ... If we were overrun with Caribbean Monk Seals ... like, say ... there were billions and billions of Caribbean Monk Seals and we had to stand in line behind them at Starbucks, that would be bad and we'd probably have no choice but to kill them off again.

FAX


Nothing seasons a cast iron skillet like Caribbean Monk Seal oil.

///Fire Me Boy!

[RJ]

Well I did have the first heart attack while at the resort two days before my return flight so that kinda ruins the experience.

Ok, that definitely counts.

This reminds me of Hemi Ed's story about having a heart attack on the golf course but not going to the hospital.

Note to self: When having heart attack symmptoms seek medical attention promptly.

[CosmicPal]

Seems to me this should be the best vacation ever: It is a miracle you are still alive!! Find the blessing in that you still get to go on more vacations in the future and make something out of them.

Smile. Get yourself better. And embrace those who cheered for you making it back. Not many people get another chance. Make the rest of your life the vacation you always wanted it to be.

[big nasty kcnut]

Glad your ok god wanted you here for a reason.

[Bump]

wow dude, that's one crazy story. Glad you're ok.

[crossbow]

Seems to me this should be the best vacation ever: It is a miracle you are still alive!! Find the blessing in that you still get to go on more vacations in the future and make something out of them.

Smile. Get yourself better. And embrace those who cheered for you making it back. Not many people get another chance. Make the rest of your life the vacation you always wanted it to be.

Well Said !

Gonna take in all of the life experiences I can from now on. I will probably start feeling a lot better in another month or so. In the mean time I can appreciate the people who gave me their unselfish support and I can enjoy a positive attitude.

[FAX]

Glad your ok god wanted you here for a reason.

But what could that reason be? That's the question.

Perhaps Mr. crossbow's new life is intended to be spent solving the age-old problem of never knowing what a woman's tittahs actually look like until untold amounts of money have been spent on dining and movies and flowers and other miscellaneous gifts have changed hands. Are the tittahs symmetrical? Are the areola large or small? Do the niplets appear as unto acorns on a hairy plate?

Tittah x-ray spectacles would be very helpful, Mr. crossbow. Thanks in advance.

FAX

[crossbow]

Thanks again guys. Gonna get some sleep.

Peace

[Easy 6]

Wow crossbow, your story floors me... all my very, very best to you.

Get some rest will ya lol, its past 11 & you're up on Chiefsplanet fer cryin out Mary! :D

[Fritz88]

Welcome back and stay healthy.
Posted via Mobile Device

[Phobia]

The only thing left is to find somebody to sue. Retain a lawyer immediately. He will help you find defendants. This is the American way and it was probably explained to you during your coma. Also, you're probably past due for an amazing Chiefs/Tribal tattoo on your chest. Do this immediately and post your results.

[bevischief]

So did type this or assholes?

[rtmike]

Glad you're still here to pester your wife.

You know I hate it nowadays when folks say it happened for a reason.

Back in June of '06 I had 3 strokes. Us paralyzed folks can't regulate our body temp. etc. I had a urinary tract infection that was worse than the ones I was normally getting. It jacked my system up & Autonomic Dysreflexia (http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/322809-overview) occured. Lots of stuff can cause it to happen.

Anyhoots, I went to sleep for 5 days and they had no idea if I'd wake up & if I did whether I'd have the mental capacity of a kindergartner.

My brother, sister & Mom fly up here from Texas. My bro was talking to me telling all sorts of stuff about hitting on the nurses, etc. After I woke up he never mentioned any of what I remembered so he must have been telling me that stuff while I was sleeping.

Wierd...

[Hog's Gone Fishin]

How long does it take to get over the initial surgery? As you can imagine, I feel very week and frail. I have holes all over my torso and a huge cut down the center of my chest. All I feel like doing all day is sleep or guard the couch in front of the TV.


My Dad had his valve replacement surgery on Jan 30th. So he basically went through the same as you. I would say the first two weeks he was really , really weak. The third week he started regaining some energy and this past week he felt good enough to attend Church. The doctor said it would take 8 weeks to get back to "normal". Glad you're OK. :thumb:

[bevischief]

Lose the weight and quit smoking. At least you made it back from this one. Good luck.

www.Ihealthtube.com

[MITCH]

Need to watch for depression after recovery. My dad had triple bypass and recovery went well but he was pretty mean to people. (even the grand kids) The Dr.s put him on some anti-depression drugs for a while and it helped him for about a year

[burt]

Congrats on living! I guess you wanted to see more beaches and rum!

[trndobrd]

Happy to hear you pulled through and get more time with everyone you love.

The best part is that you were on vacation when this happened, so you won't have to miss work.

[Predarat]

Holy shit, glad you made it!

[whoman69]

Guess we know what you need for your birthday

http://lotofguides.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/defibrillator.jpg