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View Full Version : Life So My Donkey Punched A Girl At Pasture


DaKCMan AP
04-03-2012, 08:05 PM
This happened last week. I wasn't going to make a thread about it because I didn't think anyone would believe the story, but my donkey was hee-hawing me yesterday to start one. This is the same donkey that keeps losing its tail in Winnie the Pooh that you might remember. Ok, here's the story:

Hey's an old donkey, a real eyesore. He's foreign and can't pronunciate the letter 's' and he's mildly dyslexic so we call him Eeyore. There is this girl named Kirstie. She's an aging white model. She's been unsuccessfully trying to become famous all her life, even though she had a breakthrough on a Chiefs football discussion website. My donkey wants nothing to do with her. Says she's a fucking whore.

Last Wednesday he walks out to check out some fresh grass and she's hanging out by the water trough. She bends over and manages to turn her ass slightly towards the ass. At that point my donkey can't control himself and mounts her. He's disappointed because, well, Kirstie is old, so he decides to try and get her to pucker. He pulls his hoof loose and punches her on the back of the head with a quick donkey punch without even thinking about it.

Kirstie is rocked. Her head starts to bleed, Eeyore finished and then he stumbled back. Kirstie remained motionless on the ground. After a few seconds my donkey returned out to pasture to graze.

Apparently other donkeys notice that Eeyore is a donkey punching son of a bitch. They ask him throughout the day what happened and he actually tells them that a girl propositioned him for no reason. They pretty much all laugh at him and tease him about making up stories and call him a lying jackass, taunting him by call him John Elway.

So...next morning Kirstie regained consciousness and some of the other donkeys ask her about it. She tells them nothing happened with Eeyore and that she hit her head while trying to scoop water out of the trough. Now Eeyore gets teased for the rest of the day AGAIN because the other donkeys don't believe him.

So...Eeyore is depressed and alone since the other donkeys are being mean to him. They better watch out or he may double donkey punch those asses.

Pablo
04-03-2012, 08:05 PM
tl;dr

But thumbs down anyhow.

Mr_Tomahawk
04-03-2012, 08:08 PM
Bird Cake.

keg in kc
04-03-2012, 08:10 PM
Trying too hard is not Awesome.

DaKCMan AP
04-03-2012, 08:11 PM
Did I forget to mention that my donkey is thick?

Okie_Apparition
04-03-2012, 08:18 PM
That puts hair on the hamburger

El Jefe
04-03-2012, 08:27 PM
tl;dr

threebag02
04-03-2012, 08:29 PM
You might go wait in the pasture for Eeyore.

Phobia
04-03-2012, 09:04 PM
I would rather read 100 "I'm awesome" posts per day than this thread.

chefsos
04-03-2012, 09:25 PM
http://i954.photobucket.com/albums/ae22/chefsoscat/fw0kjn.gif

-King-
04-03-2012, 09:29 PM
It's a shame that you put all that effort into this thread.



Your awesome card has been revoked by the way.

El Jefe
04-04-2012, 06:31 AM
It's a shame that you put all that effort into this thread.



Your awesome card has been revoked by the way.

LMAO. DaKC you really bombed on this thread.

tmw4h5
04-04-2012, 06:34 AM
SO GOD DAMNED FUNNY.

burt
04-04-2012, 06:35 AM
DaKCMan is slightly less awesome today...........

J Diddy
04-04-2012, 06:35 AM
I'm hoping this is your first draft.

Dartgod
04-04-2012, 06:42 AM
I'm hoping this is your first draft.

I hope it's his last.

DaKCMan AP
04-04-2012, 06:59 AM
I suppose I overestimated the board's appreciation of a donkey punch story. You're all either too old or too lame. :p

Donkey punch stories are Awesome.

DaKCMan AP
04-04-2012, 07:00 AM
LMAO. DaKC you really bombed on this thread.

http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/1035176/ad_medium.gif

rageeumr
04-04-2012, 07:01 AM
I wish there was an option to ignore all parody threads.

DaKCMan AP
04-04-2012, 07:02 AM
I wish there was an option to ignore all parody threads.

There is.. you don't know how?

rageeumr
04-04-2012, 07:03 AM
There is.. you don't know how?

I suppose it's my own fault. It's not like you can't tell from the thread title. I guess I just hold out hope that one of them will be funny one day.

Pasta Giant Meatball
04-04-2012, 07:04 AM
Still beats all the Pilgrim bird threads

DaKCMan AP
04-04-2012, 07:12 AM
I suppose it's my own fault. It's not like you can't tell from the thread title. I guess I just hold out hope that one of them will be funny one day.

You've been at CP for 7 years and still have hope. :clap:

J Diddy
04-04-2012, 07:18 AM
I hope it's his last.

Well, I'm more of a glass half full guy. Seems there's no place to go but up.

DaKCMan AP
04-04-2012, 07:18 AM
Well, I'm more of a glass half full guy. Seems there's no place to go but up.

Under-promise and over-deliver. :thumb:

ChiTown
04-04-2012, 07:19 AM
http://cdn.bleacherreport.net/images_root/slides/photos/000/479/176/Tebow-Crying_display_image.jpg?1288644873

DaKCMan AP
04-04-2012, 07:21 AM
http://cdn.bleacherreport.net/images_root/slides/photos/000/479/176/Tebow-Crying_display_image.jpg?1288644873

Tebow reportedly abstains from donkey punching.

Sfeihc
04-04-2012, 07:25 AM
She took the Katy...


and left DaKCMan a donkey to ride

Thig Lyfe
04-04-2012, 07:43 AM
http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lws3f5g37j1qh4qwy.gif