Violent, naked, pooping, masturbating home intruder. Guess where?

[teedubya]

Naked Florida Man Jumps Off Roof Onto Homeowner, Knocks Television Over, Empties Vacuum Cleaner, Masturbates

http://gawker.com/5978198

It's never a dull day in Florida, our country's most fantastic state. Let's set the scene: It's Monday, January 21, and an unnamed North Fort Myers resident is lying in bed relaxing after a hard day's work. Just after 7 p.m., he hears a noise coming from his roof — he thinks it sounds like thunder. He goes outside to investigate the disturbance, when he sees 21-year-old Gregory Matthew Bruni running on his house. Bruni leaps from the roof, tackling the man. Bruni is naked.

From there, Bruni runs into the house, hellbent on destruction. He sees a "large television" minding its own business and knocks it off its stand. He then spies a vacuum cleaner. How do you terrorize a vacuum cleaner? You don't — you just empty its contents back onto the floor. That's what Bruni does. From there, things finally start to get weird:

Bruni then headed toward the couple's son's bedroom, where several guns were stored, so the man's wife fired three warning shots from a .38 revolver.

The arrest report says Bruni fell to the floor - but then began pleasuring himself.

He got up off the floor, ran into the son's bedroom and began rubbing clothing on his face.

Police are called, and they apprehend a flailing, babbling Bruni only after Tasering him. "Tase him, bro," a cop almost certainly says. Bruni is taken to a hospital, but doctors there say they can't identify what drug he is on. The answer is either all of them, or one you've never heard of. Or bath salts. Probably bath salts.

Police charge Bruni with two counts of criminal mischief, battery, occupied burglary and resisting arrest without violence. Everyone else in Florida goes to sleep that night, awaiting their turn.

[Bowser]

MEANWHILE, IN FLORIDA

[bevischief]

Wow.

[BigMeatballDave]

What a stroke of bad luck...

[OmahaChief]

What a stroke of bad luck...

I wonder if the guy will get off..

[BigCatDaddy]

He sure wasn't master of that domain.

[Mr. Flopnuts]

How did be bait those folks from coming outside? I wonder if he came inside.

[bowener]

I feel like if somebody made animated shorts of FLA headlines/news stories like these, they would find success.

[Imon Yourside]

I have a hard time believing this happened in the fine state of Florida.

[Scorp]

That's the last straw dammit...........I am moving to Florida!

[BigMeatballDave]

I wonder if the guy will get off..

Yeah, he'll beat it.

[thebrad84]

so the man's wife fired three warning shots from a .38 revolver.

Not only a waste of ammo, but also a waste of a perfectly good reason to rid the world of this moron. Now he will likely go on to procreate and add to the problems of this country.

[teedubya]

I feel like if somebody made animated shorts of FLA headlines/news stories like these, they would find success.

True. ROFL. Something nutty as shit happens almost daily in Florida. It's uncanny.

[gblowfish]

Good to know: In Florida, if you get caught red handed committing a crime, just a) drop trou, b) fall to the floor, c) beat it like it owes you money.

Instant psyche defense!

[Rausch]

Everyone else in Florida goes to sleep that night, awaiting their turn.

LMAO

[TinyEvel]

Calling Gblowfish...

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/01/23/gregory-matthew-bruni-naked-poop-masturbate-florida_n_2533967.html?utm_hp_ref=weird-news


In Florida, there are violent people, naked people, poopers and masturbators -- but rarely is one man the total package.

When Tony and LaDonna Land discovered naked carnival worker Gregory Matthew Bruni on their roof, the night had just begun. Bruni, 21, allegedly assaulted Tony Land, trashed the couple's North Fort Myers Home, and then defecated and masturbated inside the house, WTSP reports.

The Lands told police they were in their bedroom at around 7 p.m. Monday when they heard a noise that sounded like thunder, according to Fox 4 Now. Tony went outside and says he saw Bruni on top of the roof, completely naked. Bruni allegedly jumped down on top of Land, ABC 7 reported, then knocked him over by hitting him in the shoulder.

The Lands say Bruni ran into the house, pulled a big-screen TV off the wall, and spilled the contents of a vacuum onto the floor. Around this time, LaDonna grabbed a gun and began firing at the nude intruder. She missed, and the couple called 911.

"I don't know who the hell he is -- he's naked and he ran into my damn house," Tony can be heard saying on the recording.

The Lands told authorities that after shots were fired, Bruni began whacking the mole in their living room before heading into their son's bedroom to rub some clothing on his face.

When deputies arrived, they attempted to control Bruni, who they say was wildly flailing around and speaking nonsensically. They also discovered that Bruni had defecated on the floor in two spots within the home.


At some point during the ruckus, investigators say, Bruni sucked up the contents of the vacuum, then spit it back out.

Bruni was taken into custody and transported to a hospital for evaluation, where doctors reportedly told deputies they planned to conduct tests to determine "what Bruni was on."

Bruni has been charged with criminal mischief, battery, occupied burglary and resisting arrest without violence.

Let's Recap The Allegations Against Bruni:
1) Got naked, climbed onto the Lands' roof.

2) Attacked Tony Lands by jumping on him and hitting his shoulder.

3) Ran into Lands' house, knocked down a TV and spilled the contents of a vacuum on the floor.

4) Dodged bullets fired by LaDonna Lands.

5) Masturbated in the living room.

6) Rubbed clothes on his face in the Lands' son's room.

7) Defecated on the floor in two places.

8) Drank the contents of the vacuum.

[SPchief]

Q

[Crush]

U

[Frosty]

Q

Same page Q, too.

(though I missed the pooping part in the OP)

[FlaChief58]

May the Q be with you

[TinyEvel]

?!?!?! I checked :cuss:

[TinyEvel]

:facepalm:

[TimeForWasp]

He ran out of purple drank.

[TinyEvel]

:facepalm:

[FlaChief58]

:facepalm:

So Cal in da hizzle

[redsurfer11]

http://howtodoflorida.com/

[LOCOChief]

It's not Floridians doing half this shit, these wacko's come down here from out of state. OMGOMGOMGOMG.


It's funny though.

[Crush]

You guys ruined the Queef.

[FlaChief58]

Good to know: In Florida, if you get caught red handed committing a crime, just a) drop trou, b) fall to the floor, c) beat it like it owes you money.

Instant psyche defense!

Dont forget the large quantities if hardcore drugs

[Dayze]

he masturdated and sparyed hot Q all over the place.

[CrazyPhuD]

http://d22zlbw5ff7yk5.cloudfront.net/images/cm-30419-0509b4e43f09ed.gif

[Radar Chief]

Good to know: In Florida, if you get caught red handed committing a crime, just a) drop trou, b) fall to the floor, c) beat it like it owes you money.

Instant psyche defense!

Tough break for “Hand Job”. /PVT Cowboy

[Rain Man]

:facepalm:

If you drop to the floor and start pleasuring yourself, it will distract people from the Q.

[listopencil]

Never, ever tackle a naked guy.

[Dayze]

this is sound advice.

[seclark]

shit on my floor once, shame on you.
shit on my floor twice, shame on me.
sec

[The_Doctor10]

Fuckin Florida...

[BigRedChief]

I feel like if somebody made animated shorts of FLA headlines/news stories like these, they would find success.I made an "official" weird Florida news thread but no one uses it.

[BlackHelicopters]

Did he vomit also?