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MOhillbilly
08-28-2013, 07:37 AM
Are you a forgiving person by nature or do you have to work at letting shit go?

I don't think I've ever let anything go in my life and tbh I can feel it dragging me down.
Now that I have a Kid of my own and three step kids I dont wanna transfer my tendencies of anger and vengeance to the little ones.

At one point this was what I considered a strength but now that I've settled into domestic bliss its become a weakness.

Give me some wisdom fellas.

Imon Yourside
08-28-2013, 07:39 AM
I do not hold grudges, I can let it go even though sometimes it may take a little bit.

Simply Red
08-28-2013, 07:39 AM
"cross me once; shame on you" scenario.

Prison Bitch
08-28-2013, 07:40 AM
Depends. I've found the few people I have difficulty with in life, tend to be repeat offenders. They ikeep pissing everyone off, so they don't really give you the chance to forgive them. Or do so for long.

Rasputin
08-28-2013, 07:41 AM
To forgive and be forgiven are key elements to having happiness in life. JMO.

Rasputin
08-28-2013, 07:44 AM
If you expect someone or want someone to forgive you then it's best to learn how to forgive others too. If you can't forgive then shouldn't expect forgiveness in return.

Sandy Vagina
08-28-2013, 07:44 AM
Really depends on the transgressions to be considered forgiven. As males, we tend to let the silly stuff go without much thought of bitterness. (at least many of us)

If you are talking about growing up in a violent, hostile environment as a kid, and you are worried about keeping that going to your little ones? Yeah.. you have to let that shit go and be a better person than your mom/dad/grandpappy/etc were. Break that cycle immediately by constantly reminding yourself of how it felt to be that abused kid.... and know that you don't want yours to feel that misery that you once did.

Much really depends on what exactly you are struggling with.

Fat Elvis
08-28-2013, 07:44 AM
To forgive and be forgiven are key elements to having happiness in life. JMO.

Pretty much. Holding a grudge only makes you upset.

Dartgod
08-28-2013, 07:44 AM
Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.

Colossians 3:13

KCUnited
08-28-2013, 07:46 AM
No joke, I listened to the B side of my Welcome To Venice comp last night and thought about you, no hobo. 2 No Mercy jams and 3 from Excel.

EXCELLLLLLLLLLLLLL!

MTG#10
08-28-2013, 07:48 AM
For everyone that says they are forgiving and you have to be to be happy etc. - do you forgive people that aren't sorry for whatever they've done?

Dayze
08-28-2013, 07:48 AM
depends on what caused the grudge.

But 95% - no wait, make that 96% of the time ,I let things roll off my back.
Life's to short to let shit bother you too much.
especially shit that is meaningless.

Rasputin
08-28-2013, 07:48 AM
Parent to kid relationships are often broken down because no one wants to forgive & being a stubborn SOB about it only hurts them more.

BossChief
08-28-2013, 07:57 AM
I hold some grudges and let others go. Just depends on the situation.

Fish
08-28-2013, 07:59 AM
I've never been good at forgiveness, and have let people walk away from my life because of it. I've gotten slightly better with age. But some things I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive.

Rausch
08-28-2013, 08:02 AM
Are you a forgiving person by nature or do you have to work at letting shit go?

I don't think I've ever let anything go in my life and tbh I can feel it dragging me down.
Now that I have a Kid of my own and three step kids I dont wanna transfer my tendencies of anger and vengeance to the little ones.

At one point this was what I considered a strength but now that I've settled into domestic bliss its become a weakness.

Give me some wisdom fellas.

Wisdom leads to forgiveness.

You have an image of who you are because of what you've done or what you have in your life. In time life will happen and you'll learn how quickly the people or things you care about can be gone.

You feel loss. You get humbled.

You realize that life is hard: not just for you, for everyone.

You don't get mad at the old man driving too slow. You don't yell at the lady fumbling around in her purse with two screaming kids in front of you at the grocery store. Some times you even let it go when your boss seems to be a prick for no reason.

mlyonsd
08-28-2013, 08:06 AM
Some grudges are worth hanging on to. Very few though.

Iowanian
08-28-2013, 08:07 AM
By nature I'm a blood feud, mad forever when you screw me kind of guy.

That isn't healthy though. I've been told many times that while your anger eats you up the person you are angry with just cruises on so it only really hurts you and gives you the indigestion.

Like you, I'm working on it for my own good and for that of my kids. I've been able to let some things go, but I have a couple of people I'll hate until I die and can't shake it.

My belief system is very clear that I'm supposed to be forgiving, but it's not something I find easy at all.



For me it has taken some bad things happening to understand how stupid some grudges are and how unworthy of your time and thought they can be.
I had a good friend who died in a pretty tragic way and it took that for me to get over being mad at his brother. It's pretty stupid that it took a funeral to crush that.
This summer my little boy was hurt and that really put my perspective in place on some things. Situations that would have spun me up before I'm finding less stressful because
my priorities are in a better place now. Now when I find myself presented with an issue that might have pissed me off before, I'm deflecting it with "well, no one is hurt, we can fix that".

BigCatDaddy
08-28-2013, 08:12 AM
Forgiveness is for pussies. I'd kneecap Pioli and "they kicker that shall not be named" in a heart beat if I saw them walking down the street.

Rausch
08-28-2013, 08:13 AM
By nature I'm a blood feud, mad forever when you screw me kind of guy.

That isn't healthy though. I've been told many times that while your anger eats you up the person you are angry with just cruises on so it only really hurts you and gives you the indigestion.

I was like that. And while less fit and wearing much more insulation we're about the same size.

I'd find some way through might or mind to get you back. Might take me forever but I will do it.

One day I just realized how much wasted time I had devoted to that instead of enjoying the good things in my life.

What makes more sense: hurting you or helping me?...

Rausch
08-28-2013, 08:15 AM
Forgiveness is for pussies. I'd kneecap Pioli and "they kicker that shall not be named" in a heart beat if I saw them walking down the street.

If Elway is 80 in front of a flight of stairs I'll trip him.

I know I'd do it. I just wouldn't waste time trying to find a way to do it...

MOhillbilly
08-28-2013, 08:15 AM
Forgiveness is for pussies. I'd kneecap Pioli and "they kicker that shall not be named" in a heart beat if I saw them walking down the street.

I have t really given a shit since 02 when they wheeled the talkin heads out to tell us the D was fine.

MOhillbilly
08-28-2013, 08:16 AM
I was like that. And while less fit and wearing much more insulation we're about the same size.

I'd find some way through might or mind to get you back. Might take me forever but I will do it.

One day I just realized how much wasted time I had devoted to that instead of enjoying the good things in my life.

What makes more sense: hurting you or helping me?...

So what brought you to that point?

tooge
08-28-2013, 08:20 AM
I used to hold grudges in a bad way. I've since learned that the stress it takes to hold the grudge and hate on someone is much harder on me than it is on the other person. I'm now very forgiving. I have a few things I consider unforgivable, but in those cases, I simply remove the person from my circle all together. Otherwise, its "don't sweat the small stuff, and it's all small stuff" for me now.

BourbonMan
08-28-2013, 08:30 AM
Depends on the situation I guess, But I was watching a movie the other night and the girl and guy were talking.
The girl said "that all men are born with 2 sides...1 that HATES and 1 that LOVES". The guy asks, "which one WINS"? The girls said "which ever one you feed the most"

I know it sounds ghey, but there is some truth in that.

blaise
08-28-2013, 08:37 AM
Depends on what they did, and what they expect from me from then on. I could forgive people that did something bad to me enough to be civil at a wedding or something, but it doesn't mean I'm inviting them over for a cookout.

teedubya
08-28-2013, 08:38 AM
Forgiveness doesn't mean you condone the behavior or, in any way, make a wrong right.

It just means you give yourself permission to release from your past -- and free yourself from the darkness of resentment.

Forgiving is more for YOU than for the one you're forgiving.

Fat Elvis
08-28-2013, 08:40 AM
I used to hold grudges in a bad way. I've since learned that the stress it takes to hold the grudge and hate on someone is much harder on me than it is on the other person. I'm now very forgiving. I have a few things I consider unforgivable, but in those cases, I simply remove the person from my circle all together. Otherwise, its "don't sweat the small stuff, and it's all small stuff" for me now.

Absolutely.

I just recently had an experience with a family member where I would of held a grudge for a long, long time. I was mad and it was making me really upset. It also would of made things at family get togethers and what not a really bad situation. I decided that I should forgive him, and when I did, I mean really forgive him and let it go-- I felt so much better. It made me feel good. That is important. It is a win-win situation for everyone.

KC_Lee
08-28-2013, 08:45 AM
There are certian people on this planet that have done evil things to both myself and the ones I hold dearest to my heart. These people will never be forgiven by me, not now not in the future.

However, I do not allow these people and what they have done to the ones I love to dominiate my thoughts. They mean less than nothing to me, a rock I might see on the side of the road while jogging means more to me than these people.

Chiefshrink
08-28-2013, 08:50 AM
More is 'caught' than 'taught' ! When your kids 'catch' you 'walking the talk' without the lecture, that will 'stick' for a lifetime:thumb:

Example: You are in your truck with your kids taking them to school and it's a cold windy snowy day. You see ahead on the side of the road a lady who has a flat tire. As you get closer you recognize it's the lady who thinks her crap doesn't stink and she has been bad mouthing you and your family for whatever reasons. You pull over and very humbly fix her flat. When you get back into the truck, you can almost hear a pin drop because you have just said a ton to your kids with your role modeling example without uttering a word or any lecture could ever do. After a period of silence you finally hear from one of your kids ask very quietly , "Dad, why diid you help that mean lady who bad mouths us all the time ?

Precisely at THIS moment are when kids LISTEN ! Then you can express to them genuinely from your forgiving heart why you helped this mean lady. This is when you "Shepherd their hearts with good morals for LIFE !!

Contrary to popular belief lectures are worthless for kids WHEN their parents DON'T WALK THE TALK. And also contrary to popular belief the 'WALKING' MUST always come FIRST before the 'TALK'. And then when you do 'talk' you realize it doesn't have to be a long lecture because YOUR WALK already spoke volumes of forgiveness from heart to this lady and especially to your kids. If parents would apply this early on in the kids lives it sure makes the teenage years much much more bearable for sure.:thumb:

I warn you though it's a heckuva a lot of work BUT the only way to build those relationships with your kids and instill the proper morals you want to see in them as they grow into adults BUT DARN WELL WORTH IT IN THE END :thumb:

The ol saying of "Actions speak louder than words" takes on a new meaning now doesn't it ?;)

Rausch
08-28-2013, 08:52 AM
So what brought you to that point?

I was always the guy that would have a few beers and be the life of the party. I was angry as all hell but I'd have a few and just let stuff go.

In the span of a few months I lost my house, wife, kid, job, and about 95% of everything I owned. At the last minute I drove out to 'Zoners place for a CP gathering figuring it was just what I needed.

Short story long I ended up having a total lose-yer-$#it moment there. Got a phone call THEN everything just hit the tipping point. I cried like a bidge and broke down.

Mr. and Mrs. 'Zoner were there. They had lives of their own. They had to work. Despite that they helped. All they had to go on was 2 'Zoner events with me and they went out of their way. (I've never properly thanked them for that. One day I will.)

Those people are rare. They are fucking abnormalities that you don't happen upon all that often. Truly good people are not common.

It sounds maudlin but it really did change my outlook.

How much I can hurt you became less important than how much I can help you...

Frazod
08-28-2013, 08:53 AM
Depends on how far I'm pushed, or the nature of the transgression. Cross a certain line, and you're done forever.

AdumbGuy
08-28-2013, 08:54 AM
I hold grudges against utterly pointless things that I can do virtually nothing but rant about. Lousy Casshole!!!

BigCatDaddy
08-28-2013, 08:54 AM
In all seriousness, shit happens. If it happens once I'm good natured about it and let it slide. I'm sure I've pissed people off in my time that blew it off. If they start mistaking your kindness as weakness and don't respect you than you have to put your flag in the ground and foot in someone's ass. Then it's on them if they want to hold a grudge or not :D

Iowanian
08-28-2013, 08:55 AM
Frazod would light a fast food worker on fire for shorting him a pickle in a happy meal....




For me, forgiving someone isn't about them really. It's about me not waking up in the night with my hands hurting from clenching fists in a dream about bashing their head in with a hammer..........or getting physically angry every time I pass them in a car.

It's just not worth the wasted energy. Life is too short. Hopefully I'll get better at remembering that.

Frazod
08-28-2013, 08:56 AM
Actually, I FUCKING HATE PICKLES. :cuss:

BlackHelicopters
08-28-2013, 08:58 AM
Always forgive. Life is too short. You don't have to continue to be friends with those that cross you, but always forgive. Don't let garbage pile up in your head. Soon, your head will be full of other people's garbage bags.

Just Passin' By
08-28-2013, 08:58 AM
Are you a forgiving person by nature or do you have to work at letting shit go?

I don't think I've ever let anything go in my life and tbh I can feel it dragging me down.
Now that I have a Kid of my own and three step kids I dont wanna transfer my tendencies of anger and vengeance to the little ones.

At one point this was what I considered a strength but now that I've settled into domestic bliss its become a weakness.

Give me some wisdom fellas.

My suggestion for you:

Don't sweat the small shit.

Don't accept the big shit.

Don't let others tell you what you have to forgive.

Rausch
08-28-2013, 09:00 AM
Depends on how far I'm pushed, or the nature of the transgression. Cross a certain line, and you're done forever.

...
http://i500.listal.com/image/1199671/500full.jpg

Frazod
08-28-2013, 09:02 AM
...
http://i500.listal.com/image/1199671/500full.jpg

:#

Rausch
08-28-2013, 09:04 AM
Always forgive. Life is too short. You don't have to continue to be friends with those that cross you, but always forgive. Don't let garbage pile up in your head. Soon, your head will be full of other people's garbage bags.

This...

luv
08-28-2013, 09:08 AM
I think being a forgiving person and bottling things up are two different things. Some forgiveness is important. I think some have said not to sweat the small stuff. Just determine where the line is between small and big. Regarding bottling things up, it's good to either have someone to vent to or an activity you can do to help release some stuff. Talk to the little lady about things, go shoot things, work the farm, etc.

Rausch
08-28-2013, 09:09 AM
I think being a forgiving person and bottling things up are two different things. Some forgiveness is important. I think some have said not to sweat the small stuff. Just determine where the line is between small and big. Regarding bottling things up, it's good to either have someone to vent to or an activity you can do to help release some stuff. Talk to the little lady about things, go shoot things, work the farm, etc.

You bottle things up but you're still naturally forgiving.

It doesn't come naturally to all...

Dartgod
08-28-2013, 09:11 AM
I don't intend to get all religious here, but we recently studied Romans 12 in our bible study class. Whether you are a believer or not, there is some very good advice on how we should all live our lives.

True that there are some transgressions that are very difficult, or likely impossible to let go, but as a rule, this is the way I try to live.

14 Bless those who persecute you. Don’t curse them; pray that God will bless them. 15 Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with each other. Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all!

17 Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. 18 Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.

19 Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say,

“I will take revenge;
I will pay them back,”
says the Lord.

20 Instead,

“If your enemies are hungry, feed them.
If they are thirsty, give them something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap
burning coals of shame on their heads.”

21 Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.

BlackHelicopters
08-28-2013, 09:13 AM
It is hard to forgive. Be of strong resolve, and be the better human being.

BlackHelicopters
08-28-2013, 09:14 AM
Revenge solves nothing. We are not judges. Let God be the judge. Live life as Jesus would have, and life is pretty easy.

Gonzo
08-28-2013, 10:32 AM
It depends on the situation. If its something big, I tend to be the type of person that holds onto the grudge forever. I will eventually find the opportunity for payback. Wether it be 5 days, months, years or decades. I will deliver vengeance.

El Jefe
08-28-2013, 10:41 AM
I forgive, but I do not forget. I know some people will say "then you didn't truly forgive the person". I respond to that by saying, that me forgiving you, does not mean that you enter back into my circle of trust. Once hurt, I do not expose myself to be hurt again. Trust takes a second to lose and a lifetime to gain.

Fritz88
08-28-2013, 10:50 AM
Read a book by a professional. I am sure there are some for raising kids.
Posted via Mobile Device

Mr. Laz
08-28-2013, 10:56 AM
Forgive - yes, as long as i believe they really didn't mean it or are really sorry. If it was an accident, then i can forgive very quickly. If it was a deliberate decision to screw me over then it takes longer.


Forget - not so much

Rausch
08-28-2013, 11:00 AM
14 Bless those who persecute you. Don’t curse them; pray that God will bless them. 15 Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with each other. Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people.

Solid advice.

Church going or not...

ModSocks
08-28-2013, 11:04 AM
It's a good question. Coming into this thread, i had my answer; forgive and forget.

But if i dig a little deeper down, i'd be a hypocrite if i said i applied that to everything in life. For the most part i do. I believe that grudges are a waste of energy, i hate being mad at someone because it's a waste of my leisure time, i'd rather be doing something else than be mad about something. For the most part, men have a better ability to let go of things than women do. You can get into a fight with your friend, get it all out of you, get over it and then the two of you go smoke a bowl and get some munchies. That's the way i view Chiefsplanet as well.

But....I don't think i've forgiven my dad. I haven't seen the guy since i ran away 13 years ago.

If i can forgive everyone else, i should be able to forgive him. But i haven't. Not sure that i could. I don't know. I do know that my upbringing has affected me as a "family man" and not always in a good way. I don't know that meeting my dad again and working it out would change any of that though. It might be too late for that.

seclark
08-28-2013, 11:16 AM
as I've grown into an old bastard, I've learned to forgive others. it takes a little longer, but I can also forget how others may have wronged me.

forgiving myself though, is a problem, and i'm sure it always will be.
sec

Frazod
08-28-2013, 11:17 AM
The people who have seriously wronged me are no longer a part of my life and haven't been for years or decades. Most are in other states, or other countries. Some are dead (no, I didn't do it). So the betrayal/torment/whatever at this point only exists in my memory. I some cases these events have scarred me, in others, they've just molded me. But the perpetrators are long gone. It's not like any of them are actually fucking with me now, or I run into them at the grocery store. And even if I did, I'd probably just scowl at them and go on my way.

As Grumpy Cat so eloquently said - it's not that I hate you, but if you were on fire and I had water, I'd drink it.

Phobia
08-28-2013, 11:20 AM
Forgiveness has always been tied to respect for me. I struggle to forgive somebody who has repeatedly and intentionally disrespected me or my family. Other than that, I forgive easily. There are 3 or 4 people out there that will probably never be fully forgiven but I try not to let it consume me. That shit isn't healthy at all.

Obviously, we have some scriptures on this thread. Regardless of how you feel about Christians or God, there are some very, very sound ideas in the Bible with regard to marriage, forgiveness, and living in a civilized society.

Phobia
08-28-2013, 11:21 AM
The people who have seriously wronged me are no longer a part of my life and haven't been for years or decades. Most are in other states, or other countries. Some are dead (no, I didn't do it). So the betrayal/torment/whatever at this point only exists in my memory. I some cases these events have scarred me, in others, they've just molded me. But the perpetrators are long gone. It's not like any of them are actually ****ing with me now, or I run into them at the grocery store. And even if I did, I'd probably just scowl at them and go on my way.

As Grumpy Cat so eloquently said - it's not that I hate you, but if you were on fire and I had water, I'd drink it.

Yeah, but if you knew how to forgive properly, you'd have hair... and a fridge.

Rausch
08-28-2013, 11:21 AM
So the betrayal/torment/whatever at this point only exists in my memory.

And that's all that needs to be said.

Bad things happen to all people. You move on and choose to make the lives of those you love better...

Frazod
08-28-2013, 11:27 AM
Yeah, but if you knew how to forgive properly, you'd have hair... and a fridge.

Nah. Hair started going when I was still relatively unscathed.

And the fridge still works.

Rausch
08-28-2013, 11:31 AM
Nah. Hair started going when I was still relatively unscathed.

And the fridge still works.

I believe the fridge part...

listopencil
08-28-2013, 11:35 AM
If you can truly forgive then you should. You'll feel better afterwards. But when I say "forgive" I mean that you are prepared to continue on with your life behaving as if the event never happened. You can still absorb life lessons from the event but you have to treat the person as if they never did you wrong, and do so willingly without rancor. If you can't do that then you shouldn't try to live as if you've forgiven someone because you haven't.

vailpass
08-28-2013, 11:38 AM
as I've grown into an old bastard, I've learned to forgive others. it takes a little longer, but I can also forget how others may have wronged me.

forgiving myself though, is a problem, and i'm sure it always will be.
sec

Truth.

Phobia
08-28-2013, 11:41 AM
If you can truly forgive then you should. You'll feel better afterwards. But when I say "forgive" I mean that you are prepared to continue on with your life behaving as if the event never happened. You can still absorb life lessons from the event but you have to treat the person as if they never did you wrong, and do so willingly without rancor. If you can't do that then you shouldn't try to live as if you've forgiven someone because you haven't.

I don't know about that, dude. I've forgiven my ex-wife. But she's a truly despicable person who isn't trustworthy and she's a cancer in any relationship. Those are just facts. I don't have to deal with her much any longer because my kids are grown but I would avoid any contact anyway despite the fact that I've forgiven.

listopencil
08-28-2013, 11:54 AM
I don't know about that, dude. I've forgiven my ex-wife. But she's a truly despicable person who isn't trustworthy and she's a cancer in any relationship. Those are just facts. I don't have to deal with her much any longer because my kids are grown but I would avoid any contact anyway despite the fact that I've forgiven.

Then the lesson you learned is that you can't allow certain people into your life.

Rausch
08-28-2013, 11:57 AM
Then the lesson you learned is that you can't allow certain people into your life.

Or that constantly fighting them is just constantly fighting.

CaliforniaChief
08-28-2013, 12:04 PM
I haven't streamed through the whole thread, but I was struck by a saying I learned a few years back that refusing to forgive is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

I recently reached out to someone I wronged about a year or so ago (I was just a bad friend), and asked for forgiveness. It was granted, and very freeing. Things won't be like the way they were before, but I know that the experience both of being forgiven and offering forgiveness can be very transforming.

I just think sometimes we offer it too quickly, before we've had a chance to process everything. And other times, we just walk away from opportunities for forgiveness and miss out and being a better person.

listopencil
08-28-2013, 12:05 PM
Or that constantly fighting them is just constantly fighting.

That too.

Rausch
08-28-2013, 12:08 PM
I haven't streamed through the whole thread, but I was struck by a saying I learned a few years back that refusing to forgive is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

I like that.

Very appropriate...

Imon Yourside
08-28-2013, 12:19 PM
Funny, about the only things I can't forgive are sports related. A certain Kicker, former Offensive/Defensive coordinators......officials calling a TE out of bounds in a 97 playoff game while he wa clearly in.....ughhhh on 2nd thought it isn't even funny, it still pisses me off.

mr. tegu
08-28-2013, 12:32 PM
I guess you guys don't all realize it that we are all the most forgiving people there are.

We are still Chiefs fans after all.

tooge
08-28-2013, 12:53 PM
yes, forgiveness is often about you than it is the person you are forgiving. If the offense is too much to forget and move on, then I may forgive them and then simply no longer continue to have a relationship with them any longer. If it is something that I can live with, then I'll forgive them, but move on knowing more about my relationship with them than I did before they did whatever it was that I forgave them for.

Sorter
08-28-2013, 12:57 PM
Depends on how you utilize your lack of forgiveness.

Refusing to forgive someone for a mistake or decision can be very motivational for some.

Rausch
08-28-2013, 01:00 PM
Depends on how you utilize your lack of forgiveness.

Refusing to forgive someone for a mistake or decision can be very motivational for some.

Yeah, that works for a while.

Hate and anger is a great motivator. Worked for me for years.

What happens when you don't need it anymore?

Sorter
08-28-2013, 01:04 PM
Yeah, that works for a while.

Hate and anger is a great motivator. Worked for me for years.

What happens when you don't need it anymore?

No idea.

As an example (and my post was more directed along these lines), I'm not sure Tom Brady will ever forgive every team that passed on him until he retires. Speculating, of course. However, he has said in past interviews that that moment has fueled him for quite some time.


I believe James Harrison has said as much as well, IIRC

Frazod
08-28-2013, 01:09 PM
Yeah, that works for a while.

Hate and anger is a great motivator. Worked for me for years.

What happens when you don't need it anymore?

Makes you entertaining at parties and family gatherings. :D

Rausch
08-28-2013, 01:10 PM
No idea.

As an example (and my post was more directed along these lines), I'm not sure Tom Brady...

:spock:

Rausch
08-28-2013, 01:11 PM
Makes you entertaining at parties and family gatherings. :D

Not so much...

Frazod
08-28-2013, 01:14 PM
Not so much...

Our ideas of entertainment might be different. :)

Rausch
08-28-2013, 01:44 PM
Our ideas of entertainment might be different. :)

I'd say that's a given...:evil:

kcxiv
08-28-2013, 01:54 PM
Easy for me to forgive. The forget part that's tough at times, I live by the rule that I hate no one. It takes to much energy to hate.

I refuse to be that old grumpy guy that was an ass when I was a kid. Fuck that .

Sweet Daddy Hate
08-28-2013, 01:57 PM
I reserve all of my hating for the Chiefs and the fine patrons of Chiefs Planet.

Works like a charm.

kysirsoze
08-28-2013, 02:00 PM
For everyone that says they are forgiving and you have to be to be happy etc. - do you forgive people that aren't sorry for whatever they've done?

Yes. Forgiveness isn't about them. It's about you. Holding on to the anger lets them hurt you twice. Not worth it.

Lightrise
08-28-2013, 02:10 PM
Your question reflects wisdom so that is a good place to begin. One of the other posters said something to the effect that there will be people in your life where you never get the chance for forgiveness to take root. I have found this to be very true and there is a long term affect that nobody grasps until you find yourself in the abyss of it. That is that later in life you will fully appreciate the wisdom in quick forgiveness, but you struggle with that lost sense of justice when forgiveness doesn't hold. That is so hard to accept and while subtle, it will change you over time. You get to the point where you focus so much on the pain internally (of injustice) that it prevents you from realizing the full potential of blessings at your feet. My advice to you is to understand that it is ok to align rebuke with giving forgiveness. While Jesus said to turn the other cheek, he didn't say to turn the other cheek so it could be hit too. My minister told me that and it was a tremendous help. A person can become trapped by obedience to their faith, which is why the faith walk has to be continuous. I think the trick here to depending on the promise of forgiveness is to harness the manner in which you tie rebuke to it. That is where you want to focus. Learn to see far below the surface of the wrong, like Superman looking through a wall. You'll realize that having to forgive is not really a cost, it is an opportunity. It's an opportunity to relieve a tremendous burden from another, and even to deliver an effect rebuke that changes not only the dynamic, but lives.

So if I were you I would accept your own struggle with the issue, be on guard for when that lost sense of justice begins to irritate you, and set out to teach your kids how rebuke and forgiveness together solve the problem.

There is no God of Justice anymore. He was replaced by the God of Love.

Dartgod
08-28-2013, 02:16 PM
Your question reflects wisdom so that is a good place to begin. One of the other posters said something to the effect that there will be people in your life where you never get the chance for forgiveness to take root. I have found this to be very true and there is a long term affect that nobody grasps until you find yourself in the abyss of it. That is that later in life you will fully appreciate the wisdom in quick forgiveness, but you struggle with that lost sense of justice when forgiveness doesn't hold. That is so hard to accept and while subtle, it will change you over time. You get to the point where you focus so much on the pain internally (of injustice) that it prevents you from realizing the full potential of blessings at your feet. My advice to you is to understand that it is ok to align rebuke with giving forgiveness. While Jesus said to turn the other cheek, he didn't say to turn the other cheek so it could be hit too. My minister told me that and it was a tremendous help. A person can become trapped by obedience to their faith, which is why the faith walk has to be continuous. I think the trick here to depending on the promise of forgiveness is to harness the manner in which you tie rebuke to it. That is where you want to focus. Learn to see far below the surface of the wrong, like Superman looking through a wall. You'll realize that having to forgive is not really a cost, it is an opportunity. It's an opportunity to relieve a tremendous burden from another, and even to deliver an effect rebuke that changes not only the dynamic, but lives.

So if I were you I would accept your own struggle with the issue, be on guard for when that lost sense of justice begins to irritate you, and set out to teach your kids how rebuke and forgiveness together solve the problem.

There is no God of Justice anymore. He was replaced by the God of Love.
I forgive you for writing such a long-winded post.

trndobrd
08-28-2013, 02:25 PM
But when I say "forgive" I mean that you are prepared to continue on with your life behaving as if the event never happened. You can still absorb life lessons from the event but you have to treat the person as if they never did you wrong, and do so willingly without rancor. If you can't do that then you shouldn't try to live as if you've forgiven someone because you haven't.


"Forgive" does not equal "Forget".

Forgiveness does not mean allowing, abusive spouses, drug addicts, manipulators, bullies, violent people, users, gossips, drama kings/queens, and other toxic people, to remain in your life, or "treat the person as if they never did you wrong."

Forgiveness means relieving yourself of the hatred and anger that goes along with being hurt. Sometimes it means understanding that the person made a mistake, and being OK with it. Other times, it means recognizing the person as they are, and understanding that you can neither change them nor have them in your life.

I can forgive someone after they borrowed my car, got drunk and wrecked it. Letting the same person borrow my truck isn't forgiveness, it's stupid.

Mav
08-28-2013, 02:29 PM
I forgive, and forget pretty easily.

Yeah, I get mad, but if someone is willing to take steps towards moving away from stupid stuff, I will meet them half way, and often times try to be the bigger man about things.

Rausch
08-28-2013, 02:35 PM
I forgive, and forget pretty easily.

Yeah, I get mad, but if someone is willing to take steps towards moving away from stupid stuff, I will meet them half way, and often times try to be the bigger man about things.

This makes me angry...

Mav
08-28-2013, 02:36 PM
This makes me angry...

Forgive me?

Rausch
08-28-2013, 02:38 PM
Forgive me?

Buy me a beer?...

Mav
08-28-2013, 02:41 PM
Buy me a beer?...

Deal....

Rausch
08-28-2013, 02:42 PM
Deal....

Sir, you drive a hard bargain.

Deal...

SPATCH
08-28-2013, 02:53 PM
Pope John Paul II forgave the assassin that shot him (and nearly killed him) in 1981. He visited him in prison and sincerely forgave him.

Forgiveness is about empathy and compassion. Pope John Paul II empathized with the man; he did not take the assassination attempt personally because the attempt was politically motivated.

Always empathize.

Empathy and compassion are the true marks of humanity.

Rausch
08-28-2013, 02:54 PM
Pope John Paul II forgave the assassin that shot him (and nearly killed him) in 1981. He visited him in prison and sincerely forgave him.

Not a good example here...

hometeam
08-28-2013, 02:58 PM
I am mostly a forgiver, especially if you where previously in my good graces. If I don't know you, and you do something heinous, I am more likely to tell you to fuck off for the duration.


There are very few people who I have not forgiven in my life.

BigCatDaddy
08-28-2013, 03:02 PM
Your question reflects wisdom so that is a good place to begin. One of the other posters said something to the effect that there will be people in your life where you never get the chance for forgiveness to take root. I have found this to be very true and there is a long term affect that nobody grasps until you find yourself in the abyss of it. That is that later in life you will fully appreciate the wisdom in quick forgiveness, but you struggle with that lost sense of justice when forgiveness doesn't hold. That is so hard to accept and while subtle, it will change you over time. You get to the point where you focus so much on the pain internally (of injustice) that it prevents you from realizing the full potential of blessings at your feet. My advice to you is to understand that it is ok to align rebuke with giving forgiveness. While Jesus said to turn the other cheek, he didn't say to turn the other cheek so it could be hit too. My minister told me that and it was a tremendous help. A person can become trapped by obedience to their faith, which is why the faith walk has to be continuous. I think the trick here to depending on the promise of forgiveness is to harness the manner in which you tie rebuke to it. That is where you want to focus. Learn to see far below the surface of the wrong, like Superman looking through a wall. You'll realize that having to forgive is not really a cost, it is an opportunity. It's an opportunity to relieve a tremendous burden from another, and even to deliver an effect rebuke that changes not only the dynamic, but lives.

So if I were you I would accept your own struggle with the issue, be on guard for when that lost sense of justice begins to irritate you, and set out to teach your kids how rebuke and forgiveness together solve the problem.

There is no God of Justice anymore. He was replaced by the God of Love.

Rico mult?

Buehler445
08-28-2013, 03:03 PM
For me it depends. I know what I'm supposed to do, but for me, there are two major points of consideration regarding forgiveness:

1. I need to know the whole story. I've been pissed at people about shit when I really shouldn't have been. It was just a misunderstanding. Then I feel like a real ass. Accordingly, over time, I've tried to separate emotion from critical analysis of the situation. Sometimes that's difficult though.

2. It depends on the nature of the person. If the person is trying in good faith to do right, but I happen to get hurt from their decisions, that's pretty easy to forgive. Where I struggle is when people don't care what's right and doesn't give a fuck, that's hard for me. Very hard.

*right being a fairly arbitrary term about the manner in which they conduct their lives, not necessarily technically correct.

Rausch
08-28-2013, 03:04 PM
For me it depends. I know what I'm supposed to do, but ...

Yeah, that's my hangup as well...

OrtonsPiercedTaint
08-28-2013, 03:37 PM
I've run out of a lot of turned cheeks. Don't know...leaning the other way on some.

Mav
08-28-2013, 04:36 PM
I've run out of a lot of turned cheeks. Don't know...leaning the other way on some.

Poor Fred.....Barney done effed ya over one too many times eh buddy?:D

Rausch
08-28-2013, 04:39 PM
Poor Fred.....Barney done effed ya over one too many times eh buddy?:D

Wilma's been creep'n...

listopencil
08-28-2013, 04:44 PM
"Forgive" does not equal "Forget".

Forgiveness does not mean allowing, abusive spouses, drug addicts, manipulators, bullies, violent people, users, gossips, drama kings/queens, and other toxic people, to remain in your life, or "treat the person as if they never did you wrong."

Forgiveness means relieving yourself of the hatred and anger that goes along with being hurt. Sometimes it means understanding that the person made a mistake, and being OK with it. Other times, it means recognizing the person as they are, and understanding that you can neither change them nor have them in your life.

I can forgive someone after they borrowed my car, got drunk and wrecked it. Letting the same person borrow my truck isn't forgiveness, it's stupid.

Not allowing them to borrow your truck would fall under "absorbing a life lesson." You don't have to be angry with someone to say "no" to them. You can still treat an irresponsible person with kindness. All of those people you are referring to, the toxic people, once they have shown you who they are then you can react accordingly. If you wish to forgive those toxic people once they've done something to you, then keep them at arms length and move on. You can't really keep treating them as if they are still in the process of doing you harm. And if they really are still in the process of doing you harm then you haven't moved on.

Rausch
08-28-2013, 04:49 PM
I'm flat out amazed.

Of all people to ask a serious life question and not get trolled..........wow.

I'm shocked at the truthful responses and sensible advice here...

Buehler445
08-28-2013, 05:28 PM
I'm flat out amazed.

Of all people to ask a serious life question and not get trolled..........wow.

I'm shocked at the truthful responses and sensible advice here...

Who in THE FUCK is going to troll Mo? That son of a bitch could probably kill my ass through the computer.

Really though its a good topic that affects all of us. Lots of good discussion.

Friendo
08-28-2013, 05:31 PM
I struggled with it for a long time as my motto was "don't get mad, get even". I always felt like the saying "anger only hurts the angry person" were just platitudes and didn't resonate. What finally did hit home was when I came to the realization that anger was at one time in my life, a very effective coping mechanism, but after it had served it's purpose, was in fact very counter-productive.

Rausch
08-28-2013, 05:33 PM
Who in THE **** is going to troll Mo? That son of a bitch could probably kill my ass through the computer.

LMAO

Rausch
08-28-2013, 05:35 PM
What finally did hit home was when I came to the realization that anger was at one time in my life, a very effective coping mechanism, but after it had served it's purpose, was in fact very counter-productive.

I'd say that accurately describes me as well.

You hit that stage where you finally are happy and then "now what?"

What do I do with this now?...

Iowanian
08-28-2013, 05:53 PM
Naturally, one of the people on my "never" list tossed another grenade at my family today.

A big test of my hope they are alone and screaming someday.

go bo
08-28-2013, 05:53 PM
It's a good question. Coming into this thread, i had my answer; forgive and forget.

But if i dig a little deeper down, i'd be a hypocrite if i said i applied that to everything in life. For the most part i do. I believe that grudges are a waste of energy, i hate being mad at someone because it's a waste of my leisure time, i'd rather be doing something else than be mad about something. For the most part, men have a better ability to let go of things than women do. You can get into a fight with your friend, get it all out of you, get over it and then the two of you go smoke a bowl and get some munchies. That's the way i view Chiefsplanet as well.

But....I don't think i've forgiven my dad. I haven't seen the guy since i ran away 13 years ago.

If i can forgive everyone else, i should be able to forgive him. But i haven't. Not sure that i could. I don't know. I do know that my upbringing has affected me as a "family man" and not always in a good way. I don't know that meeting my dad again and working it out would change any of that though. It might be too late for that.

it's not too late right up to the moment that your father dies...

people change over time and regret the things they've done to hurt those they love...

once they're dead, there's no way to reconcile your feelings and make peace with yourself, as well as your dad...

don't wait to long, try to reach out and see how things are now, not as they were 13 years ago...

mlyonsd
08-28-2013, 05:57 PM
This thread should probably be bumped if Alex Smith doesn't work out.

Rausch
08-28-2013, 06:03 PM
it's not too late right up to the moment that your father dies...

people change over time and regret the things they've done to hurt those they love...

once they're dead, there's no way to reconcile your feelings and make peace with yourself, as well as your dad...

don't wait to long, try to reach out and see how things are now, not as they were 13 years ago...

This.

Everything I did in my life was done to not be like my father. I didn't want his anger, his impatience, his indifference.

I've recently purchased a duplex with him.

You'd be amazed the issues you resolve once you want to...

listopencil
08-28-2013, 06:25 PM
It's a good question. Coming into this thread, i had my answer; forgive and forget.

But if i dig a little deeper down, i'd be a hypocrite if i said i applied that to everything in life. For the most part i do. I believe that grudges are a waste of energy, i hate being mad at someone because it's a waste of my leisure time, i'd rather be doing something else than be mad about something. For the most part, men have a better ability to let go of things than women do. You can get into a fight with your friend, get it all out of you, get over it and then the two of you go smoke a bowl and get some munchies. That's the way i view Chiefsplanet as well.

But....I don't think i've forgiven my dad. I haven't seen the guy since i ran away 13 years ago.

If i can forgive everyone else, i should be able to forgive him. But i haven't. Not sure that i could. I don't know. I do know that my upbringing has affected me as a "family man" and not always in a good way. I don't know that meeting my dad again and working it out would change any of that though. It might be too late for that.

At one period in my life I didn't speak to my father for about 15 years. It's a good thing I finally decided to be the bigger man when he got sick. He didn't make it through that Spring. It would have been nice for him to have met my children, but that became impossible when he died. At least we did mend fences though.

vailpass
08-28-2013, 06:28 PM
At one period in my life I didn't speak to my father for about 15 years. It's a good thing I finally decided to be the bigger man when he got sick. He didn't make it through that Spring. It would have been nice for him to have met my children, but that became impossible when he died. At least we did mend fences though.

Good on you. Can't imagine that.

Rausch
08-28-2013, 06:30 PM
At least we did mend fences though.

I'm assuming because you were willing to let go of whatever was and just accept what is.

Mr. Flopnuts
08-28-2013, 06:31 PM
as I've grown into an old bastard, I've learned to forgive others. it takes a little longer, but I can also forget how others may have wronged me.

forgiving myself though, is a problem, and i'm sure it always will be.
sec

I'm the exact same way. It's easy for me to forgive the wrongdoings of others. I hold myself to a higher standard though, and am my own biggest critic. Something I absolutely need to do in order to achieve my true potential is to understand that I am also human and am bound to make mistakes and to let them go.

Chief Roundup
08-28-2013, 06:32 PM
Stop holding yourself to such a high level of standards. Give yourself some slack for the mistakes that you have made. Be understanding about why things can or might happen. If you lighten up on yourself. You will probably lighten up on others. And whomever showed you to have these types of standards. You need to forgive them for teaching you some incorrect things. They did the best they could with their own limited social knowledge. Forgive yourself for your transgressions and you will find it easier to forgive others transgressions as well.
You can kill anger with kindness. Being overly kind to people when they aren't deserving does more to that person than anything you can say or do to them.

Rausch
08-28-2013, 06:34 PM
So we're not all classless and deranged afterall...

listopencil
08-28-2013, 06:34 PM
I'm assuming because you were willing to let go of whatever was and just accept what is.

Yes. When you start thinking of things from a life and death perspective, you can let shit slide, live in the moment. Life's too short for fussing and fighting, my friend. To paraphrase the Beatles.

vailpass
08-28-2013, 06:38 PM
So we're not all classless and deranged afterall...

I beg your pardon...

Rausch
08-28-2013, 06:39 PM
Yes. When you start thinking of things from a life and death perspective, you can let shit slide, live in the moment. Life's too short for fussing and fighting, my friend. To paraphrase the Beatles.

Harrison had the best lines but I see your point...:D

Rausch
08-28-2013, 06:39 PM
I beg your pardon...

Yes, you will...

vailpass
08-28-2013, 06:46 PM
Yes, you will...

There are those who call me....TIM!

Rausch
08-28-2013, 06:47 PM
There are those who call me....TIM!

I don't get that one...

vailpass
08-28-2013, 06:49 PM
I don't get that one...

African or European?

Tribal Warfare
08-28-2013, 06:59 PM
I'm not forgiving at all in RL, because I'm naturally a laidback individual but if you fuck me over then you are dead to me.

Rausch
08-28-2013, 07:00 PM
African or European?

I'm white but impossible to offend...

vailpass
08-28-2013, 07:42 PM
I'm white but impossible to offend...

No Python in your life, ever?