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gblowfish
01-13-2014, 01:22 PM
http://tinyurl.com/m793vqz

'Swiss Cheese Pervert' On The Loose In Mayfair, Pennsylvania

Cheese! At least buy it dinner first.

The Mayfair Town Watch of Mayfair, Penn., posted a warning on Facebook Thursday that residents should "please be aware of the Swiss Cheese Pervert!"

The suspect in question allegedly drives around town "exposes himself to women" and "offers them money to watch him put swiss cheese on his privates." The group also posted a photo of the suspect.

On Friday, Twitter user Priscilla Rosado tweeted the following photo at the satirical Twitter account @Swisscheeseperv:

Police confirmed with Philly Mag that the Special Victims Unit is indeed investigating reports that a man with a "major sexual cheese fetish" has been harassing women in the area.

Gabby Chest, a woman who lives in the nearby town of Bridesburg, told the website that the suspect's photo -- and the story -- sounded all too familiar. In 2012, she said, a man who looked "exactly like" the gentleman in the photo contacted her on OKCupid and said "he was looking for someone to perform masturbation on him with cheese."

The alleged message -- which can be read in full on PhillyMag.com -- states:

"I developed this fetish to help me deal with my sexual urges. I found that women tend to like dairy products, and settled on cheese to represent the girl. thus I started having sex with cheese. I like to use Swiss cheese and would wrap slices of the cheese around penis, then masturbate. Now tho, after finding several girls to do it for me, I prefer having girls do it for me, instead of myself."

Dreamin' Demon uncovered a Reddit post from 2008 that quotes a similar-sounding personal ad from Philadelphia Craigslist:

"I have a big heart, and it was crushed time and again by the opposite sex, that and a very strong sex drive, well I am lucky I never became a rapist. My fetish grew out of desperation for sex with a woman. I started to compare girls to cheese due to their milky complextions, girls are soft, smooth feeling and tend to like dairy products more. That and typical advertising, always using a girl to advertise dairy products. So cheese is what I started to use as a replacement for having sex with girls.

I tried many different kinds of cheese, but settled on Swiss as the best. First and foremost, if ever a picture of cheese is used, most of the time they use a representation of Swiss cheese. But also because of it's eye patterns, texture, and the way it feels against my penis."

The Swiss Cheese Pervert is described as a "heavy set male, 40-50 years old" who drives a "newer model silver sedan" as well as a "black newer model sedan."

Dayze
01-13-2014, 01:27 PM
Colby "Jack"

Easy 6
01-13-2014, 01:27 PM
Why Swiss? I'd go with Fromunda.

gblowfish
01-13-2014, 01:28 PM
I smell a marketing trend....

http://i39.tinypic.com/mifjbc.jpg

Easy 6
01-13-2014, 01:29 PM
You cant unsee that...

Why Not?
01-13-2014, 01:33 PM
Don't judge until you try it!

prhom
01-13-2014, 01:34 PM
This guy sounds like a real muenster

Why Not?
01-13-2014, 01:38 PM
This guy sounds like a real muenster

Bahahahahaha

gblowfish
01-13-2014, 01:39 PM
If the Pennsylvania police catch this guy, they Gouda Let Him Go Brie!!!

Just Passin' By
01-13-2014, 01:40 PM
I get tired of reading these cheesy articles.

Donger
01-13-2014, 01:40 PM
Head cheese never fails.

Just Passin' By
01-13-2014, 01:41 PM
If the Pennsylvania police catch this guy, they Guda Let Him Go Brie!!!

If they catch him, he'll be feeling bleu.

KCUnited
01-13-2014, 01:42 PM
There's ro*telling what this guy will do next.

Donger
01-13-2014, 01:45 PM
If they catch him, he'll be feeling bleu.

Yep, he'd probably crumble.

Saul Good
01-13-2014, 01:49 PM
Leave this pervalone.

BlackHelicopters
01-13-2014, 01:51 PM
Longhorn works better, just sayin'.

Dayze
01-13-2014, 01:51 PM
Leave this pervalone.

LMAO

Just Passin' By
01-13-2014, 01:52 PM
Leave this pervalone.

Quit Boursin us around.

gblowfish
01-13-2014, 01:56 PM
Hey baby, hop in my van and fondue me!!!

Dartgod
01-13-2014, 02:01 PM
This story is full of holes.

Saul Good
01-13-2014, 02:02 PM
This guy better hope he has a Goudattorney.

Dayze
01-13-2014, 02:03 PM
no Hy-Vee Mexican Blend jokes?

Saul Good
01-13-2014, 02:04 PM
At least he isn't a pedophile and didn't use baby Swiss.

Just Passin' By
01-13-2014, 02:04 PM
no Hy-Vee Mexican Blend jokes?

Those are tough to Kraft.

Saul Good
01-13-2014, 02:05 PM
He would have better luck hanging out at a Kraft singles bar.

Just Passin' By
01-13-2014, 02:06 PM
He would have better luck hanging out at a Kraft singles bar.

Oqueso now you're stepping on my jokes?

Saul Good
01-13-2014, 02:06 PM
He's just a crescent roll away from having a pig in a blanket.

KCUnited
01-13-2014, 02:06 PM
no Hy-Vee Mexican Blend jokes?

Oaxaca loogie in his face if he tried that shit with me.

gblowfish
01-13-2014, 02:08 PM
Apparently he's found there is no grater love....

Just Passin' By
01-13-2014, 02:09 PM
Damn! Saul Good has put a string of these together. He's a Whiz at this.

Saul Good
01-13-2014, 02:10 PM
He's really just a confused Packers fan.

Saul Good
01-13-2014, 02:11 PM
He fell in love with cheese when visiting France as a young boy. He's been experimenting sexually with it fromage 13 until today.

Dayze
01-13-2014, 02:13 PM
http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/500x/44831042.jpg

Saul Good
01-13-2014, 02:14 PM
There's a good cream cheese joke in there somewhere, but I don't want to be the one to make it.

KCUnited
01-13-2014, 02:17 PM
He was ate up after being grilled by police.

Graystoke
01-13-2014, 02:20 PM
This just gets my Goat.

gblowfish
01-13-2014, 02:30 PM
I smell a marketing trend....

http://i39.tinypic.com/mifjbc.jpg

This would more appropriately be called "The Hand and Swiss Combo"

Dayze
01-13-2014, 02:30 PM
is that really the dude?

Saul Good
01-13-2014, 02:32 PM
is that really the dude?

No. It's just a stock photo of a guy with no pants on holding a piece of Swiss cheese over his exposed junk.

Dayze
01-13-2014, 02:37 PM
No. It's just a stock photo of a guy with no pants on holding a piece of Swiss cheese over his exposed junk.

cool. that's what I thought.

tooge
01-13-2014, 02:39 PM
I've been calling people cheese dick for years. I never knew there was actually such a thing. heh.

Oxford
01-13-2014, 03:07 PM
Thank goodness he doesn't use Velveeta, although nothing melts better

Saul Good
01-13-2014, 03:08 PM
Thank goodness he doesn't use Velveeta, although nothing melts better

Sick, dude...that stuff isn't even real cheese. Have some pride.

Dayze
01-13-2014, 03:09 PM
thank god he wasn't wielding a dish of spinach and artichoke dip. I'd probably have to hit him up.

Rain Man
01-13-2014, 03:26 PM
he tried cheddar, but it was too sharp.

Rain Man
01-13-2014, 03:28 PM
as an aside, if you're a heavy set man in that area who drives a silver or black car, you can cut down your appetizer budget for your parties. They're not going to go fast.

mikey23545
01-13-2014, 04:23 PM
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/GyKvMDYeQmo" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Pepe Silvia
01-13-2014, 04:26 PM
Mama Cass

Deceased: Ham Sandwich

GloryDayz
01-13-2014, 06:57 PM
String the cheese man up!

GloryDayz
01-13-2014, 06:58 PM
Nobody in Green Bay understands there's a problem...

Nickel D
01-13-2014, 07:16 PM
At this time of year, it's just too Colby exposing your weiner even if it's wrapped in cheese!

J Diddy
01-13-2014, 07:17 PM
I smell a marketing trend....

http://i39.tinypic.com/mifjbc.jpg

Speaking of marketing, this dude needs a PR company more so than any other person alive.

Swiss Cheese Pervert? That's some shit my kid would call someone.

TimeForWasp
01-13-2014, 10:23 PM
I've tried all cheeses except swiss. It's genious.

cdcox
01-13-2014, 11:51 PM
There's Stilton a jokes to be made here.

cdcox
01-13-2014, 11:54 PM
If I'm the cashier at the window, Asiago.

cdcox
01-13-2014, 11:56 PM
I doubt Beemster would be an appropriate choicer for this guy.

cdcox
01-13-2014, 11:57 PM
Blue Vein? Oh hell no!

gblowfish
03-04-2014, 03:28 PM
The Swiss Cheese Pervert RETURNS!!!

Every new harassment victim who comes forward pokes another hole in the Swiss Cheese Pervert's defense.

Another victim came forward over the weekend, the fourth woman accusing 42-year-old Christopher Pagano of his cheesy trick: Exposing his penis while asking victims to pleasure him with Swiss cheese. Police and witnesses, who have dubbed him the "Swiss Cheese Pervert," say the man has been terrorizing residents in Mayfair, Penn. since the beginning of January.

The details of the newest allegations against him weren't immediately released, but police told the Philadelphia Daily News that Pagano's "major sexual cheese fetish" played a role. He was arrested on Jan. 16 but was let out after posting bail. The Philadelphia Daily News reports:

Pagano's newest "harassment included using processed cheese when he approached the victims." ...The latest incident happened in January. That means Pagano either had to do it in the 10 days before his fetish hit the news, or he continued to conduct these lewd acts against women during the week-long manhunt for his arrest.

Pagano reportedly turned himself in on the latest charges and again went free after posting 10 percent of his $90,000 imposed bail.

One of the other witnesses, Gabby Chest, posted a tweet that allegedly shows Pagano holding a slice of Swiss cheese out toward her:

She also said she met a man on OKCupid who looked "exactly like" Pagano, who "was looking for someone to perform masturbation on him with cheese."

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/03/04/swiss-cheese-pervert-strikes-again_n_4895727.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000022

BlackHelicopters
03-04-2014, 03:36 PM
Masturbation with cheese beats Royale with cheese.

OrtonsPiercedTaint
03-04-2014, 04:08 PM
That crazy cracker is milking it from behind the wheel, again?

Kman34
03-04-2014, 04:25 PM
https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/4644508416/hBD62812C/

gblowfish
03-04-2014, 05:02 PM
He found his latest victim on BrieHarmony....

Hammock Parties
03-04-2014, 05:05 PM
Sexual Cheese Fetish would be a great name for a rock band.

BlackHelicopters
03-04-2014, 06:10 PM
Swiss cheeses fetish followers are having a bad day.