Cops Catch Kellen Winslow, Jr With "Mr Happy" Out!

[gblowfish]

Make up your own joke here....
Like, "Did they find any Swiss Cheese???"

http://www.newsday.com/sports/football/jets/nothing-but-jets-1.1279166/kellen-winslow-jr-denies-witness-claim-that-he-was-masturbating-1.6820367?firstfree=yes

In a statement released via Twitter, Kellen Winslow, Jr.'s rep denied the "unfounded and ridiculous claim" that he was spotted masturbating in his car prior to police finding synthetic marijuana in his vehicle.

On Nov. 19, the Jets free-agent tight end was found in posession of the designer drug Fubinaca*by East Hanover, N.J. police. But according to the police report obtained by Newsday, a woman called police to the scene because she thought she spotted a black man masturbating in his vehicle parked outside of a Target on Route 10.

When police arrived, they found Winslow, 30, with two open containers of Vaseline and synthetic pot in his SUV.

The document (embedded below) states that the woman – whose name was redacted -- parked her vehicle to the right of a black Cadillac Escalade with California registration and “she observed him with his genitals out.”
Winslow's camp, however, denied the claim through.

According to the report, when the responding officer arrived approached the SUV, he found Winslow “slouched down in his seat moving around. Mr. Winslow then moved into an upright position in the seat as I came to the driver’s side window.”

Winslow then told the officer that he was “looking for a Boston Market and was lost.” According to the report, Winslow was wearing dark-colored sweatpants, “but his genitals were not exposed.”

The officer wrote that Winslow’s SUV was “very cluttered” and two open containers of Vaseline were found on his center console, along with “many” empty plastic containers of Funky Monkey in the passenger seat and on the floor of the passenger side. Plastic bags of Mr. Happy also were scattered throughout the front seats.

After police confiscated the empty bags and placed them into evidence, Winslow left the area “with no further incident.”

“Lewdness” and “cds” (controlled dangerous substance) are listed as the crimes on the incident, though no charges were filed regarding lewdness.
Lab results sent to the East Hanover Police on Dec. 23 showed Winslow did in fact have synthetic marijuana and a criminal complaint charging him with possession of the drug was not signed until Dec. 30.

TMZ's take on the story is her:
http://www.tmz.com/2014/01/17/new-york-jets-star-kellen-winslow-jr-target-parking-lot/?adid=hero1

[In58men]

What a dick

[BlackHelicopters]

Ballsy move.

[KC native]

Well, at least he could keep lil' soldiering on at his home instead of in a jail cell.

[Clyde Frog]

Rock out with your synthetic marijuana out

[Deberg_1990]

Happy happy

[Prison Bitch]

Never liked him anyway, always seemed like a shoot from the hip kinda dude.

[T-post Tom]

Less expensive than impregnating a gold-digging coed.

[Jimmya]

Waaay less expensive!

[Bambi]

Shouldn't this thread have a mizzou tag?

[rtmike]

Make up your own joke here....


Winslow then told the officer that he was “looking for a Sonic and was lost.” According to the report, Winslow was wearing dark-colored sweatpants, “but his genitals were not exposed.”


TMZ's take on the story is her:
http://www.tmz.com/2014/01/17/new-york-jets-star-kellen-winslow-jr-target-parking-lot/?adid=hero1

fyp





Reason he was laying low in his rig cause he was hiding as well as pumping up his super squirter. He had planned an ambush in order to kill as many as possible otherwise they were gonna take knees out. He's pissed.
Put that in the paper & watch the money roll in.

[Iowanian]

She was so disgusted by what she witnessed that she watched intently for 10 to 15 minutes before calling police to report the act.


They should let him go, he was just polishing a Soldier's helmet.

[Predarat]

Get a room, dude!

[gblowfish]

I smell a marketing opportunity!

http://i43.tinypic.com/14bmbyf.jpg

[gblowfish]

Shouldn't this thread have a mizzou tag?

Winslow Junior went to "The U".

Although DGB will probably be all over this....

[Rain Man]

Not being able to find a Boston Market shouldn't be arousing. It should make you sad.

[OrtonsPiercedTaint]

Winslow in his sweet chariot
bending low to bring it on home

[Donger]

A 58 year old White woman walks over to the open window of a Black guy in a Cadi and starts talking about the weather?

Seem legit.

[booger]

Illegal motion

[Dayze]

He shouldn't have been hanging out in that area.

[booger]

Dumbass should've went to Walmart where they're used to folks whackin it in teh parking lot

[MAYHEM]

A 58 year old White woman walks over to the open window of a Black guy in a Cadi and starts talking about the weather?

Seem legit.

She should have been worried about being car jacked!

Mmkay

[Jimmya]

Carjacked......funny!

[Iowanian]

If he'd have accidentally shot her I wonder if they would have penalized him 10 yards for illegal hands to the face.

https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQKVsPsYP9qFXp5WNHFF89L7QbG6MUr2zevJL8vYWCZG1TaMrra

I always wondered what was in the hanky that turned a penalty flag into a yard dart, but I had no idea it was Kellen's' terrible sock.

[Eleazar]

Who doesn't roll around with not one but two open jars of Vaseline in their console?

[Dayze]

Personal Foul - leading with the head

[Braincase]

He's a soldier... granted, he's that guy from Platoon that's wacking off just as Chris lands in Vietnam...

[gblowfish]

I think we should bombard the "Ask Kellen" section with questions about Vaseline vs. KY....

I guess its a good thing he didn't tell the cops he was looking for Jiffy Lube...

http://www.kellenwinslow.com/

[OrtonsPiercedTaint]

Kellen Winslow: I was just changing clothes
Posted by Josh Alper on January 17, 2014, 1:31 PM EST

Jets tight end Kellen Winslow has responded to an allegation that the self-proclaimed soldier was performing training exercises in a Target parking lot before he was arrested for possession of synthetic marijuana last November.

According to a report from the East Hanover, N.J. Police Department, police responded to a call from a woman who said she saw Winslow’s erect penis and believed that Winslow was masturbating while sitting in his car. When they arrived, officers found the synthetic marijuana as well as two containers of Vaseline. Winslow’s publicist issued a statement denying Winslow was doing anything other than changing his clothes to mask the smell of the ersatz weed.

“Kellen pulled over to a parking lot to smoke what he thought at the time was a legal substance. He changed his clothes in his vehicle as not to smell like smoke when he returned home. There was absolutely nothing inappropriate that took place and if there was police would have investigated further and charged Kellen which they did not. This will be the only time we will comment on this unfounded and ridiculous claim.”

The two containers of Vaseline are ignored altogether in the statement, which may be for the best. The Jets, via Dom Cosentino of NJ.com, declined comment on any of it.

[Sorter]

Shouldn't this thread have a mizzou tag?

Why?

[Dayze]

He took 'it' out.
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/hpwJE5DEk7U" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

[OrtonsPiercedTaint]

I think we should bombard the "Ask Kellen" section with questions about Vaseline vs. KY....

I guess its a good thing he didn't tell the cops he was looking for Jiffy Corn Muffin Mix...

http://www.kellenwinslow.com/

Slightly altered post

[Graystoke]

What is Funky Monkey?
Do I dare google?

[Easy 6]

Who jacks it with vaseline anyway?

Thats almost as dumb as jackin it in public.

[gblowfish]

Who jacks it with vaseline anyway?

"Hey there, people, I'm Bobby Brown...."

[Dayze]

Who jacks it with vaseline anyway?

Thats almost as dumb as jackin it in public.

One thing I learned during my raging hormonal years as a teen....do NOT shake Executive Branch with Shampoo or soap. Especially Lava soap.

[Marcellus]

She should have been worried about being car jacked!

Mmkay

:clap::clap: LMAO

[BlackHelicopters]

What is Funky Monkey?
Do I dare google?

Some sort of freeze dried snack fruit. Useful when having the munchies?

[Why Not?]

One thing I learned during my raging hormonal years as a teen....do NOT shake Executive Branch with Shampoo or soap. Especially Lava soap.

A painful lesson learned indeed

[Katipan]

That seems very messy. I'm inclined to believe he's just ashy.

[Halfcan]

Mr happy-lol

wow I can see the signs in the stands now...

[Titty Meat]

If it were Jamal Charles id watch

[Dylan]

Trending on Twitter: #Winslow, #BostonMarket, #Vaseline

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en"><p><a href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23Winslow&amp;src=hash">#Winslow</a> Don't get caught with fake weed and jerking it in a Target parking lot. Get rid of cable and upgrade to DirecTV.</p>&mdash; Steelers Depot (@Steelersdepot) <a href="https://twitter.com/Steelersdepot/statuses/424203833590308864">January 17, 2014</a></blockquote>
<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

LMAO

[notorious]

Kellen Winslow is 30?


JFC, time is flying.

[TimeForWasp]

She should have been worried about being car jacked!

Mmkay

Is jacking your own car illegal?

[Sfeihc]

What's the big deal? We've known this guy is an idiot for many years now. That's how soldiers roll y'all. Bright side, at least he was not on his motor bike.

[Dylan]

Is jacking your own car illegal?

It is a crime to expose your genitals to someone else in a public place.


Indecent exposure is the crime of exposing a private body part to others. It's usually done with the intent to offend them or to gratify a sexual desire. Since there's usually no violence or touching of the victim, indecent exposure is usually considered a misdemeanor.

Indecent exposure is a criminal offense in all 50 states and it is punishable by fines and/or imprisonment. Prolonged indecent exposure or indecent exposure in front of a child increases the punishment. In some states, if you are convicted of indecent exposure, you will have to register as a sex offender. Congress has considered implementing a federal statute for indecent exposure, which they believe would discourage potential offenders due to higher punishments for those convicted.


<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en"><p>.<a href="https://twitter.com/KellenWinslowJr">@kellenwinslowjr</a> Next time, you can use our convenient store locator to find the <a href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23BostonMarket&amp;src=hash">#BostonMarket</a> near you <a href="http://t.co/Kgog8nxZ5V">http://t.co/Kgog8nxZ5V</a></p>&mdash; Boston Market (@bostonmarket) <a href="https://twitter.com/bostonmarket/statuses/424311679275388928">January 17, 2014</a></blockquote>
<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>
Priceless!

[big nasty kcnut]

I guess he was too busy cranking that soildja boy to see the cops coming.

[MahiMike]

I hope he trapped that trouser snake.

[J Diddy]

It is a crime to expose your genitals to someone else in a public place.






<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en"><p>.<a href="https://twitter.com/KellenWinslowJr">@kellenwinslowjr</a> Next time, you can use our convenient store locator to find the <a href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23BostonMarket&amp;src=hash">#BostonMarket</a> near you <a href="http://t.co/Kgog8nxZ5V">http://t.co/Kgog8nxZ5V</a></p>&mdash; Boston Market (@bostonmarket) <a href="https://twitter.com/bostonmarket/statuses/424311679275388928">January 17, 2014</a></blockquote>
<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>
Priceless!

Fuck that. Dumb bitch shouldn't have been looking in his windows.

He needs to be filing a complaint for her peeping tom ass. What the hell was she doing meat gazing anyway?

[salame]

I remember my first beer.

[BryanBusby]

Seriously ya'll, who hasn't gotten high on bath salts and started jacking off in a Target parking lot?

[BlackHelicopters]

Seriously ya'll, who hasn't gotten high on bath salts and started jacking off in a Target parking lot?

Show of hands?

[OrtonsPiercedTaint]

I see he is now referred to as toy soldier

[9er guy]

eyes closed..."I'm a fucking warrior!"

[whoman69]

got caught with his pants down and still denies

[TLO]

I honestly had no idea Boston Market still had resteraunts open.

[Munson]

This guy is a real jerk off.