Late night bullshit: Ask me anything.

[Direckshun]

I am having a really, really shitty week. It has left me pretty shaken personally, and I'm not sure what my immediate or long-term future holds.

Because I've had such a bad pair of days (and the last eight months in general have really ****ed me up the ass), I need you guys to cheer me up.

Ask me anything. I promise you I will answer. (Unless I decide not to -- but I will really, really try not to do that.)

Everything's in bounds, with one exception: please don't ask me anything about why I've had a rough go of it, recently. Though I've already posted about one of the things (http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?p=10252137#post10252137) that's happened, minor as it may be in the grand scheme of things.

I just need to be distracted with the alternatingly pleasant, weird, ball-busting, shit-shooting essense of ChiefsPlanet.

I started one of these threads a few years ago (http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=258552) when things were pretty dark back then, and CP lifted my spirits. I once again am facing some pretty dark times. So let's make this one less direct and as assinine as we usually are.

[penguinz]

Would you fuck a goat if you knew no one would ever find out?

[Simply Red]

Hi Direckshun,

Please describe your best personal soccer goal/score - or - save.

Thanks!

[Direckshun]

Would you **** a goat if you knew no one would ever find out?

I never got why people fuck goats.

I assume it's because they're out in the fucking middle of nowhere, and live in cultures that force them to repress themselves sexually to the nth degree.

Interesting thing I read in Sebastian Junger's War: in Afghanistan, it's relatively common for older men in Afghani mountain villages to have little boys they keep as sidekicks they can fuck with impunity. The culture generally allows it.

Why? Because they have an insanely repressive culture interacting between men and women, but society's sex drive will find a way. Even if that way is the very essence of cognitive dissonance.

[Simply Red]

Also, are you attracted to soul sisters? (African American women)

[MAYHEM]

Should I make myself a burrito or a bag of popcorn? - Limited options I have

[tk13]

Are you frazod?

[Direckshun]

Hi Direckshun,

Please describe your best personal soccer goal/score - or - save.

Thanks!

I actually had my best save ever a few weeks ago -- our very own DMAC was there to witness it.

I play defense, and the keeper unwisely left the goal. So I did what I've done like 100 times -- retreat to the goal and just stand there, hoping to knock a ball away with a legal part of my body when it inevitably bypasses the keeper.

I've never been able to, until a few weeks ago. AND we won by 1. HA.

Best goal I ever scored was in indoor soccer. I was darting down the far side of the field in a 2 on 2 with a defender draped all over me while my teammate had the ball. Like Peyton Manning, he made a back-shoulder pass that I slowed down to receive. With two touches, I dragged the ball underneathe me, and, feeling the keeper leaving the goal, toe-poked the ball past him as the ball hit the near bar and dribbled in.

Easily most satisfying goal I've ever scored.

[Direckshun]

Also, are you attracted to soul sisters? (African American women)

Absolutely.

Living in Springfield, though... it's been slim pickings.

I was just talking about this last week with a friend. I've only made out with one black woman my entire life. Genuinely didn't like it, though obviously that was more because of our lack of chemistry than it was her race.

I just remember being really, really attracted to her dreds. Then when we started getting it on, I touched them for the first time -- they felt like strands of hemp. I have a virtual fetish for soft, flowing hair, and that was just a deal-killer.

[Rain Man]

If you found yourself on a ghost ship full of cannibal rats, would you ...

a) Steer the ship toward Ireland and ultimately escape.
b) Become a pirate with a cannibal rat crew
c) Integrate yourself into cannibal rat society
d) Other (please specify).

[Direckshun]

Should I make myself a burrito or a bag of popcorn? - Limited options I have

The question is: taste or expedience.

Your answer to that question lies the answer to your question therein.

Edit: Added "therein."

[Direckshun]

Are you frazod?

Thank god, no.

I don't know fraz personally, but life seems too short to be a dick on a message board.

[Saul Good]

If you could draft 11 players to form a football team, and all of the players had to play both ways plus special teams, who would you draft?

[Direckshun]

If you found yourself on a ghost ship full of cannibal rats, would you ...

a) Steer the ship toward Ireland and ultimately escape.
b) Become a pirate with a cannibal rat crew
c) Integrate yourself into cannibal rat society
d) Other (please specify).

The problem is, once I'm on the ship, it's no longer a ghost ship.

I figure the best strategy would be to establish myself as the alpha rat.

I've watched enough Ceasar Milan to pull that off, I think. Rats are like dogs, right?

[Dayze]

Does *this* look infected?

[Dayze]

If you found yourself on a ghost ship full of cannibal rats, would you ...

a) Steer the ship toward Ireland and ultimately escape.
b) Become a pirate with a cannibal rat crew
c) Integrate yourself into cannibal rat society
d) Other (please specify).

e) let it float aimlessly

[Saul Good]

Who is the best looking poster on CP, and why is it Saul Good?

[Dayze]

LMAO
nice.

[Simply Red]

Direckshun,

Having to choose only one, would you say you were more musically 'moved' by Mighty Mighty Bosstones, Better than Ezra or the Smashing Pumpkins? Also - would you lick a chick's ass?

Thanks.

[Katipan]

Am I too old for hot pink toe nails?

[Saul Good]

Direkshun is dead, so I will be taking over.

Direckshun,

Having to choose only one, would you say you were more musically 'moved' by Mighty Mighty Bosstones, Better than Ezra or the Smashing Pumpkins? Also - would you lick a chick's ass?

Thanks.
Smashing Pumpkins
Of course
Am I too old for hot pink toe nails?

No, but keep them trimmed short. Nobody wants to see long ass toenails.

[tk13]

GoChiefs, Mr. Kotter, Simply Red and Hootie are locked in a steel room. No windows. Room is 25 x 25 feet. They are stripped of all of their clothes and belongings. The only objects in the entire room are a 3 foot long lead pipe, a butter knife, and a pair of standard size fingernail clippers. The door will not be unlocked until three of the four people are dead. Who wins?

[Saul Good]

GoChiefs, Mr. Kotter, Simply Red and Hootie are locked in a steel room. No windows. Room is 25 x 25 feet. They are stripped of all of their clothes and belongings. The only objects in the entire room are a 3 foot long lead pipe, a butter knife, and a pair of standard size fingernail clippers. The door will not be unlocked until three of the four people are dead. Who wins?

SR, and he barely breaks a sweat. GoChiefs dies a happy death.

[Direckshun]

If you could draft 11 players to form a football team, and all of the players had to play both ways plus special teams, who would you draft?

Like 11 NFL players??

Jesus. No ****ing clue.

First thing you'd need is a crazy good athlete at QB, who you'd put in the secondary to play safety so you can disguise him and protect him, but he can make plays if he has to.

Colin Kaepernick (QB/S)

Then you need to protect him. I'm going to go with two smaller left tackles who can try to get some push, and two 3-4 DEs you'll just have to play at guard but can rush the passer really well.

Matt Kalil (LT/DT)
Joe Staley (RT/DT)
Justin Smith (RG/DE)
JJ Watt (LG/DE)

You need a fifth lineman, so you'd preferably get a bigger linebacker here who can hike the ball.

Patrick Willis (C/ILB)

Now you need a RB who can play LB, and a LB who can play TE/FB.

Adrian Peterson (RB/OLB)
Von Miller (TE/OLB)

Now you need three receivers/secondary guys.

Patrick Peterson (WR/CB) obv
Julian Edelman (WR/CB
Calvin Johnson (WR/S)

That took me a shit ton of thought...

[Big Poppa Payne]

e) let it float aimlessly

The Canadian way.

[Direckshun]

Does *this* look infected?

I... would get that checked out.

[Direckshun]

Who is the best looking poster on CP, and why is it Saul Good?

KCCutie, or whatever-her-tits was.

[lewdog]

GoChiefs, Mr. Kotter, Simply Red and Hootie are locked in a steel room. No windows. Room is 25 x 25 feet. They are stripped of all of their clothes and belongings. The only objects in the entire room are a 3 foot long lead pipe, a butter knife, and a pair of standard size fingernail clippers. The door will not be unlocked until three of the four people are dead. Who wins?

Hootie has a bag of hidden roofies in his anal cavity. He farts them out and forces others to take them. He then proceeds to fuck them. None of the other items are used.

No one wins....

[Saul Good]

Like 11 NFL players??

Jesus. No ****ing clue.

First thing you'd need is a crazy good athlete at QB, who you'd put in the secondary to play safety so you can disguise him and protect him, but he can make plays if he has to.

Colin Kaepernick (QB/S)

Then you need to protect him. I'm going to go with two smaller left tackles who can try to get some push, and two 3-4 DEs you'll just have to play at guard but can rush the passer really well.

Matt Kalil (LT/DT)
Joe Staley (RT/DT)
Justin Smith (RG/DE)
JJ Watt (LG/DE)

You need a fifth lineman, so you'd preferably get a bigger linebacker here who can hike the ball.

Patrick Willis (C/ILB)

Now you need a RB who can play LB, and a LB who can play TE/FB.

Adrian Peterson (RB/OLB)
Von Miller (TE/OLB)

Now you need three receivers/secondary guys.

Patrick Peterson (WR/CB) obv
Julian Edelman (WR/CB
Calvin Johnson (WR/S)

That took me a shit ton of thought...

Wrong.

You would start with Cam Newton, and you would use Richard Sherman as a WR/CB.

Not bad, though. Also...glad you're not dead.

[Saul Good]

KCCutie, or whatever-her-tits was.

She really was, wasn't she...

[Simply Red]

LMAO

[BossChief]

Are you satisfied with the size, color and responsiveness of your wife's nipples?

[Direckshun]

Direckshun,

Having to choose only one, would you say you were more musically 'moved' by Mighty Mighty Bosstones, Better than Ezra or the Smashing Pumpkins? Also - would you lick a chick's ass?

Thanks.

I believe you asked me if I've performed analingus last time I had this kind of thread.

I was into all three bands at various times, but I never cared for Corgans' voice and Ezra was just bland.

I have two MMB albums, which is one more than I have of the other two combined.

"So Sad To Say" is still a damn good ska song.

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/S-5PltSizWI" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

[Direckshun]

Am I too old for hot pink toe nails?

I absolutely hate painted nails. Everybody's too old for them.

[TambaBerry]

As of right now pick a starting qb for your team. Matt Cassel or Len Dawson

[The Franchise]

Like 11 NFL players??

Jesus. No ****ing clue.

First thing you'd need is a crazy good athlete at QB, who you'd put in the secondary to play safety so you can disguise him and protect him, but he can make plays if he has to.

Colin Kaepernick (QB/S)

Then you need to protect him. I'm going to go with two smaller left tackles who can try to get some push, and two 3-4 DEs you'll just have to play at guard but can rush the passer really well.

Matt Kalil (LT/DT)
Joe Staley (RT/DT)
Justin Smith (RG/DE)
JJ Watt (LG/DE)

You need a fifth lineman, so you'd preferably get a bigger linebacker here who can hike the ball.

Patrick Willis (C/ILB)

Now you need a RB who can play LB, and a LB who can play TE/FB.

Adrian Peterson (RB/OLB)
Von Miller (TE/OLB)

Now you need three receivers/secondary guys.

Patrick Peterson (WR/CB) obv
Julian Edelman (WR/CB
Calvin Johnson (WR/S)

That took me a shit ton of thought...

Seriously? You go Peterson, Megatron and Patterson at CB/WR.

And do you think that Vernon Davis could be an OLB? Or are you assuming that it would be easier to teach Miller to play TE?

[Saul Good]

I absolutely hate painted nails. Everybody's too old for them.

You prefer unpainted toenails? It takes all kinds, I guess.

[Katipan]

I absolutely hate painted nails. Everybody's too old for them.

Is it a total deal breaker or can the right chick get away with it?

[Direckshun]

Direkshun is dead, so I will be taking over.

It's not MY fault you asked a difficult question to answer.

I put serious thought into that.

QB: Colin Kaepernick
RB: Adrian Peterson

FB/TE: Von Miller
WR: Calvin Johnson, Patrick Peterson, Julian Edelman

LT: Matt Kalil
LG: JJ Watt
C: Patrick Willis
RG: Justin Smith
RT: Joe Staley

DE: JJ Watt
DT: Matt Kalil
DT: Joe Staley
DE: Justin Smith

OLB: Adrian Peterson
ILB: Patrick Willis
OLB: Von Miller

CB: Patrick Peterson, Julian Edelman
S: Calvin Johnson, Colin Kaepernick

I think that leaves your defense weak up the gut and at safety, but otherwise you've got a damn good team.

[Saul Good]

It's not MY fault you asked a difficult question to answer.

I put serious thought into that.

QB: Colin Kaepernick
RB: Adrian Peterson

FB/TE: Von Miller
WR: Calvin Johnson, Patrick Peterson, Julian Edelman

LT: Matt Kalil
LG: JJ Watt
C: Patrick Willis
RG: Justin Smith
RT: Joe Staley

DE: JJ Watt
DT: Matt Kalil
DT: Joe Staley
DE: Justin Smith

OLB: Adrian Peterson
ILB: Patrick Willis
OLB: Von Miller

CB: Patrick Peterson, Julian Edelman
S: Calvin Johnson, Colin Kaepernick

I think that leaves your defense weak up the gut and at safety, but otherwise you've got a damn good team.

Who handles kicking and punting?

[LoneWolf]

If you could suck your own dick, would you? Would you tell anybody?

[Simply Red]

I believe you asked me if I've performed analingus last time I had this kind of thread.

I was into all three bands at various times, but I never cared for Corgans' voice and Ezra was just bland.

I have two MMB albums, which is one more than I have of the other two combined.

"So Sad To Say" is still a damn good ska song.

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/S-5PltSizWI" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


Do you go out of your way to only eat chicken and fish? - or do you just simply not give a rat's ass and will eat beef like 5 days per week, or do you do neither - or maybe somewhere in between...?

How about water - do you drink a lot of water?

How have your stools been over the last 48 hours & do you normally poop at the same time of the day, every day?

[Direckshun]

Seriously? You go Peterson, Megatron and Patterson at CB/WR.

And do you think that Vernon Davis could be an OLB? Or are you assuming that it would be easier to teach Miller to play TE?

It's debateable. I thought of Vernon Davis, but ultimately went with a playmaker on defense.

How often do we see LBs play TE? Frequently. TEs playing LB? Never.

[The Franchise]

It's debateable. I thought of Vernon Davis, but ultimately went with a playmaker on defense.

How often do we see LBs play TE? Frequently. TEs playing LB? Never.

True. I guess it's easier to learn to catch than it is to learn the nuances of a good rush.

[Saul Good]

Is it a total deal breaker or can the right chick get away with it?

Wait...aren't you an Asian chick? You're supposed to know everything there is to know about all things pedicure. Don't waste your question on something you already know. Ask him about how to drive or something...

[Direckshun]

GoChiefs, Mr. Kotter, Simply Red and Hootie are locked in a steel room. No windows. Room is 25 x 25 feet. They are stripped of all of their clothes and belongings. The only objects in the entire room are a 3 foot long lead pipe, a butter knife, and a pair of standard size fingernail clippers. The door will not be unlocked until three of the four people are dead. Who wins?

I think this is pretty simple, actually.

GoChiefs greatest weapons are his man boobs.
Kotter's is his homophobia -- never underestimate that in battle.
Hootie's is his homophilia.
And Simply Red's is the power of Kramer hair.

I think Kotter and Hootie neutralize each other.

Clay and SR will have to fight it out -- which will be like Spock fighting Kirk in that one episode.

I think they'd go to a standstill, as neither would want to kill the other.

So then, the question is: who is selfless enough to lay down his life for someone else?

I'm not sure SR is, but I know for a fact that Clay isn't. So I say Clay wins as SR forfeits his life to die with some semblence of dignity.

[Dayze]

If you could suck your own dick, would you? Would you tell anybody?

probably not. at least, not until my dick was out of my mouth

[LoneWolf]

Wait...aren't you an Asian chick? You're supposed to know everything there is to know about all things pedicure. Don't waste your question on something you already know. Ask him about how to drive or something...

http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/157/122/f.gif

[Direckshun]

Wrong.

You would start with Cam Newton, and you would use Richard Sherman as a WR/CB.

Not bad, though. Also...glad you're not dead.

For me, it was down to Cam, Luck, and Kaep.

I want to hide my QB from contact as much as possible. FS or CB is clearly the place to do that.

None of these guys are CB material.

And I trust Kaep out in space more than either of these guys.

As for Sherman... I will sacrifice an elite CB/bad WR for a really good WR/pretty good CB in Edelman.

[Saul Good]

True. I guess it's easier to learn to catch than it is to learn the nuances of a good rush.

I would rather have a CB trying to play WR than a WR trying to play CB every time.

[Katipan]

Wait...aren't you an Asian chick? You're supposed to know everything there is to know about all things pedicure. Don't waste your question on something you already know. Ask him about how to drive or something...

I'm not Vietnamese.

[Dayze]

would you eat one of your own turds on a hot dog bun for $1m?

[Direckshun]

Are you satisfied with the size, color and responsiveness of your wife's nipples?

Absofuckinglutely.

[Direckshun]

As of right now pick a starting qb for your team. Matt Cassel or Len Dawson

Uh, right now? LMAO

Cassel going away.

[Direckshun]

You prefer unpainted toenails? It takes all kinds, I guess.

I just hate painted nails.

The only thing I hate more than painted nails are acrylic nails.

I think they are disgusting.

[Direckshun]

Is it a total deal breaker or can the right chick get away with it?

The right chick can. But you aren't the right chick.

Call it a hunch.

[Saul Good]

I'm not Vietnamese.

What's that? I asked if you were Asian.

[Direckshun]

Who handles kicking and punting?

Just, whoever can do it the least terrible. LMAO

[Saul Good]

The right chick can. But you aren't the right chick.

Call it a hunch.

The right chick can get away with anything.

[The Franchise]

I would rather have a CB trying to play WR than a WR trying to play CB every time.

So Sherman, Peterson and who? Revis?

[Katipan]

The right chick can. But you aren't the right chick.

Call it a hunch.

Ooh whew I was worried.

[Direckshun]

If you could suck your own dick, would you? Would you tell anybody?

I would probably not tell anybody if I could.

Thankfully, I can't. I tried many moons ago, and I've only gotten less flexible as the days have gone by.

[Saul Good]

would you eat one of your own turds on a hot dog bun for $1m?

Just one? For a million dollars? That's even a question?

[Rasputin]

Will the Chiefs ever win another Super Bowl?

Playoff game even?

[Saul Good]

So Sherman, Peterson and who? Revis?

Cooper played WR in college. Just sayin'...

[Direckshun]

Do you go out of your way to only eat chicken and fish? - or do you just simply not give a rat's ass and will eat beef like 5 days per week, or do you do neither - or maybe somewhere in between...?

How about water - do you drink a lot of water?

How have your stools been over the last 48 hours & do you normally poop at the same time of the day, every day?

Um, it depends on the company. I prefer barbacoa burritos from Chipotle.

I'm really conflicted about eating meat these days, though. Factory farms are moral atrocities, in my opinion.

I drink a fuckton of water. It's all I have in my fridge, along with one beer I'm saving for a special day.

My stools haven't been the normal gargantuans I normally churn out. I've had frequent poops that are small and squishy -- I honestly think I'm a bit ill right now.

[LoneWolf]

If you were forced to live on ac deserted island for one year and could only take one item besides clothing with you, what would that item be?

[The Franchise]

Just one? For a million dollars? That's even a question?

Would you eat a homeless man's turd for $500k?

[Direckshun]

probably not. at least, not until my dick was out of my mouth

ROFL

ROFL

ROFL

ROFL

Somebody give this man a medal.

[Katipan]

What's that? I asked if you were Asian.

It was a horribly offensive joke about which Asians work in nail salons.

[Direckshun]

would you eat one of your own turds on a hot dog bun for $1m?

**** me. I probably would.

The question should be what the smallest amount you'd do it for.

I'd probably do it for $100,000.00, I think. My turds are pretty clean, you know, turd-wise.

[The Franchise]

It was a horribly offensive joke about which Asians work in nail salons.

There are different kinds?

[Saul Good]

Would you eat a homeless man's turd for $500k?

In a heartbeat.

[Dante84]

You seem like a cool dude, and I always appreciate your posts.

You've got a good heart, and it shines through on here. You can feel, and are sensitive. I wish there were more like us in the world.

You are also logistics-focused and rely on analytics when strategizing, which I do as well.

I identify with you.

You are appreciated and I hope you are able to push through these temporary issues and land on your feet. In fact, I know you will.

[Direckshun]

So Sherman, Peterson and who? Revis?

I've got two genuine two-way players. Peterson and Edelman.

Then I threw in Calvin Johnson. Because there's no way Megatron's not on this team.

[Saul Good]

It was a horribly offensive joke about which Asians work in nail salons.

Mildly offensive Asian occupation jokes involve nail salons. Horribly offensive Asian occupation jokes involve railroads.

[Direckshun]

Will the Chiefs ever win another Super Bowl?

Playoff game even?

I don't know about anything beyond my lifetime.

My guess is, the Chiefs will not win a Super Bowl in my life.

They'll win three or four playoff games, though. :facepalm:

[Direckshun]

If you were forced to live on ac deserted island for one year and could only take one item besides clothing with you, what would that item be?

Probably the Bible. Honest answer.

Most interesting book I've ever read.

[Cephalic Trauma]

What's the most effective way of washing one's semen out of cat hair?

I'm asking for a friend.

[Direckshun]

Would you eat a homeless man's turd for $500k?

God, that's very tough.

...

Probably. :facepalm:

[Simply Red]

Um, it depends on the company. I prefer barbacoa burritos from Chipotle.

I'm really conflicted about eating meat these days, though. Factory farms are moral atrocities, in my opinion.

I drink a ****ton of water. It's all I have in my fridge, along with one beer I'm saving for a special day.

My stools haven't been the normal gargantuans I normally churn out. I've had frequent poops that are small and squishy -- I honestly think I'm a bit ill right now.

me too - I've had a darker stool as of the last few days and a stomach bug - but they're improving in aesthetics, daily, now.

Also - please stay away from processed foods, that's what is giving you the good shits.

Trader Joes meat is fairly good - and it's cheap and hormone free. - just a side note.

[Direckshun]

You seem like a cool dude, and I always appreciate your posts.

You've got a good heart, and it shines through on here. You can feel, and are sensitive. I wish there were more like us in the world.

You are also logistics-focused and rely on analytics when strategizing, which I do as well.

I identify with you.

You are appreciated and I hope you are able to push through these temporary issues and land on your feet. In fact, I know you will.

Ah, Dante. You're a good man. Thanks for the well wishing.

[LoneWolf]

Probably the Bible. Honest answer.

Most interesting book I've ever read.

So you're a big fan of fiction/Dave Lane.

:evil:

[Direckshun]

What's the most effective way of washing one's semen out of cat hair?

I'm asking for a friend.

My guess is: it will involve another cat.

[Simply Red]

My last question - so take advantage of it.

I may bump this tomorrow (undecided)

but -

If someone held a gun to you and forced you to pick a fast food burger, which establishment would you go with and which sandwich selection(s) off of their menu would you get?

[Direckshun]

me too - I've had a darker stool as of the last few days and a stomach bug - but they're improving in aesthetics, daily, now.

Also - please stay away from processed foods, that's what is giving you the good shits.

Trader Joes meat is fairly good - and it's cheap and hormone free. - just a side note.

Excellent advice, thank you, on those last two points. Noted.

I received, for Christmas, half a cow in my deep freeze. Not even shitting you.

A friend of the family has a small farm of less than a dozen cows that he raises naturally and free range. So that helps some with my cognitive dissonance of hating factory farming yet loving meat.

But factory farms are just absolutely brutal to think about. The easy thing is to avoid thinking about them. But that's not the moral thing to do.

I'll stop there. I don't want to turn this into a political discussion.

[The Franchise]

God, that's very tough.

...

Probably. :facepalm:

Dude.....no worries. I would as well.

[Direckshun]

So you're a big fan of fiction/Dave Lane.

:evil:

LMAO

You gotta think about it.

It'll need to be something that will take a very long time to read, and involve insane amounts of details that invite meaning, debate, and propositions that you can freely dismiss or accept as you go.

Can't help but think that'd occupy me for the longest amount of time.

Before I starve, of course, and start eating it.

[Simply Red]

Excellent advice, thank you, on those last two points. Noted.

I received, for Christmas, half a cow in my deep freeze. Not even shitting you.

A friend of the family has a small farm of less than a dozen cows that he raises naturally and free range. So that helps some with my cognitive dissonance of hating factory farming yet loving meat.

But factory farms are just absolutely brutal to think about. The easy thing is to avoid thinking about them. But that's not the moral thing to do.

I'll stop there. I don't want to turn this into a political discussion.

Great ok - one more - you're forced to stay in a dome tent for 48 hrs with one of the following CP'ers - who do you pick?

-Blue Balls

-Kirstie Tynes Boo

-Salame

-RedRum_69 ... ??

[Direckshun]

My last question - so take advantage of it.

I may bump this tomorrow (undecided)

but -

If someone held a gun to you and forced you to pick a fast food burger, which establishment would you go with and which sandwich selection(s) off of their menu would you get?



I would advise that you not bump it. But it's a free country.

I'd definitely get a double-quarterpounder from McDonald's.

I grew up eating waaaay too much McDonald's. :( It's my guilty shame.

I still fight it on a weekly basis, avoiding that place. It's fucking impossible.

I just want a goddamn french fry. But then I want the whole value meal. It's terrible.

[The Franchise]

Are we sure that Kirstie Tynes Boo isn't her?

but then I'm sure Kirstie Tynes actually a mult. Fuck.

[Direckshun]

Great ok - one more - you're forced to stay in a dome tent for 48 hrs with one of the following CP'ers - who do you pick?

-Blue Balls

-Kirstie Tynes Boo

-Salame

-RedRum_69 ... ??

I've actually met RedRum. He was disappointly normal.

So I'll go with the devil I know.

[Direckshun]

I'm pretty sure "The Spoils of Babylon" is the best thing ever produced on TV.

Not really, but I laugh my ass off at it. So great.

Also, tonight's "Community" was probably the 2nd best "Community" episode I've ever seen.

It almost cheered me up. This thread is finishing the job it started, fortunately.

[The Franchise]

If you could take one team and move them.....which one would it be? And that's any major sport.

Would you rename them?

[Dante84]

Yeah the Community episode was great.

What ethnicity are you?

[Simply Red]

I've actually met RedRum. He was disappointly normal.

So I'll go with the devil I know.

would you say dmac is faster than you currently?

[Simply Red]

I'm checking out for now - thanks - fun thread, I'm plugging in The Conjuring via blu ray. Then crashing - it'll be 2 degrees here in Atlanta when I wake up.

My 2006 Audi that had the timing chain snap is getting an engine replacement and will be ready for pick up in the morning, so I'll have two functioning cars. Makes no sense - but I'm a car guy.

Later all...

[Direckshun]

If you could take one team and move them.....which one would it be? And that's any major sport.

Would you rename them?

Oh, if I had the option of renaming -- I'd move the Redskins just for the option to rename them. I don't even care where I'd move them, but I guess it'd have to be LA.

If I could move one team in professional sports, I'd move the Sacramento Kings to Kansas City.

Because who gives a **** about the Kings, and Kansas City is just aching to become a basketball town.

Edit: I'd rename the team, though. Kings wouldn't go well in a city that already has Chiefs and Royals. LMAO

I've always loved soccer team names. Less about cartoonish mascots, and more about culture and ideas. Sporting KC, for instance.

I'd go with KC United. I'd probably change the color scheme, too. But I'm not sure what I'd change it to.

[Direckshun]

Yeah the Community episode was great.

What ethnicity are you?

I am white.

I've been told I'm "very" white. Which I agree with.

[mlyonsd]

One night. In their prime and still alive of course.

Grace Kelly, Kim Novak, or Elizabeth Taylor?

[Direckshun]

would you say dmac is faster than you currently?

Probably. I've got a bad knee currently, and DMAC has great straight-line speed.

Pre-knee injury, I'd definitely say I was faster, though. I used to be very fast.

I may yet still be, once I get it fixed once and for all.

[greatgooglymoogly]

Living in Springfield, though... it's been slim pickings.

You don't need to preface this with anything. It rings true no matter what you're referring to.

[Direckshun]

I'm checking out for now - thanks - fun thread, I'm plugging in The Conjuring via blu ray. Then crashing - it'll be 2 degrees here in Atlanta when I wake up.

My 2006 Audi that had the timing chain snap is getting an engine replacement and will be ready for pick up in the morning, so I'll have two functioning cars. Makes no sense - but I'm a car guy.

Later all...

I have one car, and it's hiccuping a bit right now.

Let me know how the Conjuring is.

Night.

[Simply Red]

Can I just say something as a note regarding The Conjuring?


I'm ten mins. in. There was never a doll that looked like this doll in the movie, not even with regards to antique dolls, that thing is like the bride of chucky.

Awfully staged, however Rotten tomatoes give this horror flick solid reviews by their panel/reviewers. Looks like it'll be a dandy and I'm all freaking over it!

[Direckshun]

One night. In their prime and still alive of course.

Grace Kelly, Kim Novak, or Elizabeth Taylor?

Definitely, definitely definitely Grace Kelly.

I'm not 21 anymore. We're not fucking all night. So I want someone I can talk to for part of it.

[Direckshun]

You don't need to preface this with anything. It rings true no matter what you're referring to.

Nonsense.

I was in Indianapolis recently for a convention, and there were plenty of attractive black women there from across the country.

[Direckshun]

Can I just say something as a note regarding The Conjuring?


I'm ten mins. in. There was never a doll that looked like this doll in the movie, not even with regards to antique dolls, that thing is like the bride of chucky.

Awfully staged, however Rotten tomatoes give this horror flick solid reviews by their panel/reviewers. Looks like it'll be a dandy and I'm all freaking over it!

Eesh, SR. Spoiler tags, please.

[Simply Red]

Eesh, SR. Spoiler tags, please.

:(

man, that wasn't giving much up - but ok.

[greatgooglymoogly]

Nonsense.

I was in Indianapolis recently for a convention, and there were plenty of attractive black women there from across the country.

I'm talking about Springfield itself. It's the second largest small town I've ever been to (OKC is #1).

[Direckshun]

:(

man, that wasn't giving much up - but ok.

< hugz >

[Direckshun]

I'm talking about Springfield itself. It's the second largest small town I've ever been to (OKC is #1).

I don't know... I know it's not Miami, but there's some pretty fine tail here.

[RunKC]

Direckshun, what would be the craziest shit you would do to see a Chiefs SB victory?

[The Franchise]

Kelly Kapowski, Jesse Spano or Lisa Turtle?

[mlyonsd]

Definitely, definitely definitely Grace Kelly.

I'm not 21 anymore. We're not ****ing all night. So I want someone I can talk to for part of it.You're fine, you passed the test. I seriously hope things get better and 2014 ends up working out for you. We've never met but bantered enough to know you've got what it takes to get past whatever you're facing. Be strong my distant friend.

[Direckshun]

Direckshun, what would be the craziest shit you would do to see a Chiefs SB victory?

Oh my god.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm................

I wouldn't streak Arrowhead, as I'd have to explain that to anybody I ever send my resume to ever again. I wouldn't break any laws.

I wouldn't have gay sex, either pitching or catching. But I might let a gay dude blow me.

Or a straight dude. But I'm willing to bet the gay guy's better at it.

[Simply Red]

it's a renter, no doubt. I'll leave it there.

Piece.

[Direckshun]

Kelly Kapowski, Jesse Spano or Lisa Turtle?

God, none of them.

80s hair. Noooooo thank you.

As they grew up and got more attractive, I probably would have ****ed Jesse Spano. Just because you KNOW she's a trip in bed.

[Direckshun]

You're fine, you passed the test. I seriously hope things get better and 2014 ends up working out for you. We've never met but bantered enough to know you've got what it takes to get past whatever you're facing. Be strong my distant friend.

Much love, brother. Appreciate it.

[Cephalic Trauma]

Every now and then I roll around in a blowup swimming pool filled with KY jelly and pretend I'm a slug. What's your dirty little secret?

[Discuss Thrower]

1) Wouldn't you rather work in a field rather than education?
2) What odds would you put on us absolutely hating each other if we were to cross paths in Springfield?
3) y r u takeing threds from Reddit

[Direckshun]

Every now and then I roll around in a blowup swimming pool filled with KY jelly and pretend I'm a slug. What's your dirty little secret?

LMAO

Pass.

[Direckshun]

1) Wouldn't you rather work in a field rather than education?
2) What odds would you put on us absolutely hating each other if we were to cross paths in Springfield?
3) y r u takeing threds from Reddit

1. Why not?

2. I don't even know you well enough here on CP. Do I hate you?

3. AMAs are like, the best thing about Reddit.

[Discuss Thrower]

1. Why not?

2. I don't even know you well enough here on CP. Do I hate you?

3. AMAs are like, the best thing about Reddit.

1. Money. Not dealing with asshat kids.

2. Do you hate freedom?

3. I've often wanted to a Casual IamA that said : I'm 25 years old, vastly underemployed with a degree and I'm doing a double Power Hour. AMA.

[Simply Red]

I'm terrified right now.

[Direckshun]

1. Money. Not dealing with asshat kids.

2. Do you hate freedom?

3. I've often wanted to a Casual IamA that said : I'm 25 years old, vastly underemployed with a degree and I'm doing a double Power Hour. AMA.

1. Fair points.

2. I love freedom. But I hate questions like "Do you hate freedom?"

3. I think you just answered everybody questions with that title, actually. There's nothing left to ask.

[Discuss Thrower]

1. Fair points.

2. I love freedom. But I hate questions like "Do you hate freedom?"

3. I think you just answered everybody questions with that title, actually. There's nothing left to ask.

That's it. I am *not* buying you a beer.

[Direckshun]

That's it. I am *not* buying you a beer.

That's fair.

[Discuss Thrower]

That's fair.

You probably hang out at W.F Cody's or something anyway.

[Direckshun]

You probably hang out at W.F Cody's or something anyway.

Skinny Slim's. Adobe Cafe. Patton Alley. The Stepchild. Tipsy Turtle. The Outland Ballroom.

[cdcox]

A cruise ship is adrift at sea. There are 10 dead 70 kg dead adult passengers aboard, along with 1 male and 1 female cannibal rats.

A. What is the peak number of cannibal rats?

B. How long until the last cannibal rat dies?

[Direckshun]

A cruise ship is adrift at sea. There are 10 dead 70 kg dead adult passengers aboard, along with 1 male and 1 female cannibal rats.

A. What is the peak number of cannibal rats?

B. How long until the last cannibal rat dies?

I'll admit that I am drastically under-read on rat science.

[Discuss Thrower]

Skinny Slim's. Adobe Cafe. Patton Alley. The Stepchild. Tipsy Turtle. The Outland Ballroom.

Skinny's is good, true dat.

[Direckshun]

Best bar downtown. And only one of, like, two true pubs in all of Springfield.

[Sorter]

1. Fair points.

2. I love freedom. But I hate questions like "Do you hate freedom?"

3. I think you just answered everybody questions with that title, actually. There's nothing left to ask.

Don't you think that it's the unspoken truth of humanity: that you crave subjugation?

[Sorter]

Also, what are your thoughts on pattern matching Cover 2 in nickel with trips?

[nstygma]

hey D, have you ever witnessed any gun crime?
tonight I saw a man fire as two cops caught (http://www.hawaiinewsnow.com/story/24536792/wanted-fugitive-arrested-in-kahala-after-firing-on-authorities) him!!

[acesn8s]

Since you have been fucked in ass for the last eight months, does this qualify you as being gay?

[Dayze]

**** me. I probably would.

The question should be what the smallest amount you'd do it for.

I'd probably do it for $100,000.00, I think. My turds are pretty clean, you know, turd-wise.

LMAO

[Dayze]

does it mean you're gay if you don't 'like' it?

[Saul Good]

I don't know... I know it's not Miami, but there's some pretty fine tail here.

I went on spring break in Florida back in college (don't remember if it was Daytona or Florida) and met a chick from Springfield, MO at a club. We were talking for a while, and I wound up suddenly vomiting all over myself while standing next to her at the bar. I went into the restroom, washed my shirt in the sink, dried it off under the hand dryer, and went back to the bar. When I got back, she asked me where I'd been. I was thinking "WTF...did you really not notice me go exorcist all over myself?". Evidently, she didn't even see it happen.

I wound up banging her in her shitty motel room on the ground floor. Her roommate was in the next bed getting railed by some huge black dude. I just remember that, at one point, he got out of bed for some reason, and he was walking around naked with a boner while wearing a condom. This image helped neither my performance or my self esteem.

Anyway, probably two or three years later, I was visiting a friend in Springfield and happened to find her number on a tiny scrap of paper while looking for something in my wallet. For some reason, I decided it was fate and called her up. She remembered me, and we met up at some bar in town. (I don't remember the name of the place, but it was huge and a pretty nice place back in 2002ish). I did wind up,banging her again that night, but she wasn't nearly as attractive as I had remembered...nice tight body, though.

[TLO]

Is this still going? I have some questions that need answering.

[RealSNR]

Me too, Big Smoke. Last night was a shitty night to hit the sack early. I love these types of threads.

[The Franchise]

If you could draft 11 players to form a football team, and all of the players had to play both ways plus special teams, who would you draft?

Like 11 NFL players??

Jesus. No ****ing clue.

First thing you'd need is a crazy good athlete at QB, who you'd put in the secondary to play safety so you can disguise him and protect him, but he can make plays if he has to.

Colin Kaepernick (QB/S)

Then you need to protect him. I'm going to go with two smaller left tackles who can try to get some push, and two 3-4 DEs you'll just have to play at guard but can rush the passer really well.

Matt Kalil (LT/DT)
Joe Staley (RT/DT)
Justin Smith (RG/DE)
JJ Watt (LG/DE)

You need a fifth lineman, so you'd preferably get a bigger linebacker here who can hike the ball.

Patrick Willis (C/ILB)

Now you need a RB who can play LB, and a LB who can play TE/FB.

Adrian Peterson (RB/OLB)
Von Miller (TE/OLB)

Now you need three receivers/secondary guys.

Patrick Peterson (WR/CB) obv
Julian Edelman (WR/CB
Calvin Johnson (WR/S)

That took me a shit ton of thought...

It started out as an Ask Direckshun thread but everyone was chiming in. I'd be interested to see what your answer would be to Saul's question. I posted D'reck's response as well.

Me too, Big Smoke. Last night was a shitty night to hit the sack early. I love these types of threads.

[Easy 6]

Why is it called "taking a dump"

Shouldnt it be called "giving a dump"

[The Franchise]

Why is it called "taking a dump"

Shouldnt it be called "giving a dump"

More like "leaving a dump".

[DMAC]

Are we hangin out Sunday?

[Dayze]

More like "leaving a dump".

one of the great Beavis & Butt-head moments when Beavis was impersonating Andy Rooney with this very poop discussion

[Saul Good]

It started out as an Ask Direckshun thread but everyone was chiming in. I'd be interested to see what your answer would be to Saul's question. I posted D'reck's response as well.

It probably deserves its own thread. It's a fun thought exercise.

[The Franchise]

It probably deserves its own thread. It's a fun thought exercise.

It is. Start that shit up.

[Simply Red]

Chris Owens - How do you feel about that one?