The Onion Superbowl Guide

[stanleychief]

I don't read The Onion as much as I used to, but every once in a while they put out a good article.

The Onion Sports Guide to The Super Bowl (http://www.theonion.com/articles/onion-sports-guide-to-super-bowl-xlviii,35120/)

Champ Bailey:
Cornerback, Denver Broncos
Strengths: Always introduces self to receiver at start of each play; Can turn a terrible defense into only a sort of terrible defense; Prevents separation by relying on safety to carry him after receiver
Weakness: Remembers intercepting a pass from Troy Aikman
Claim To Fame: Is a professional athlete
Speed: Swiftly turns head to watch receivers running downfield
Style Of Play: Slow veteran who can be easily beat
Lifelong Dream: Winning AFC Championship
Favorite Coverage Type: Blown

[TribalElder]

ROFL
John Fox
Embarrassing Secret: Thought it was called “line of spinach” until just last year

[007]

I don't read The Onion as much as I used to, but every once in a while they put out a good article.

The Onion Sports Guide to The Super Bowl (http://www.theonion.com/articles/onion-sports-guide-to-super-bowl-xlviii,35120/)

Champ Bailey:
Cornerback, Denver Broncos
Strengths: Always introduces self to receiver at start of each play; Can turn a terrible defense into only a sort of terrible defense; Prevents separation by relying on safety to carry him after receiver
Weakness: Remembers intercepting a pass from Troy Aikman
Claim To Fame: Is a professional athlete
Speed: Swiftly turns head to watch receivers running downfield
Style Of Play: Slow veteran who can be easily beat
Lifelong Dream: Winning AFC Championship
Favorite Coverage Type: Blown
LMAO at highlighted.

[Easy 6]

LMAO at one of Russel Wilsons strengths... "ability to evade the Browns in 2012 draft."