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View Full Version : Poop What is the Worst Kind of Shit?


'Hamas' Jenkins
03-19-2014, 09:19 PM
Please support your response with relevant examples.

Titty Meat
03-19-2014, 09:21 PM
Blumpkin

BossChief
03-19-2014, 09:23 PM
For me...really hot foods.

They make me sit on the stool hoping I don't poop.

JoeyChuckles
03-19-2014, 09:23 PM
This thread.

Example A: This thread

MMXcalibur
03-19-2014, 09:23 PM
Worst? The shit of 1001 wipes. The kinds of shits where no matter how much you wipe your ass, you just. Can't. Seem. To. Get. Your. Asshole. CLEAN!

On the opposite end of the spectrum is the clean poopie, where you wipe once, see nothing on the paper, and give a quick fist pump.

Rasputin
03-19-2014, 09:23 PM
<iframe width="640" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/hFFivMBBSWU?feature=player_embedded" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Titty Meat
03-19-2014, 09:24 PM
The worst kind is when you have to shit you're 5 minutes away from home but traffic is slow as fuck

'Hamas' Jenkins
03-19-2014, 09:24 PM
This thread.

Example A: This thread

The best kind: You running down the crack of your mother's ass.

Pushead2
03-19-2014, 09:24 PM
Worst? The shit of 1001 wipes. The kinds of shits where no matter how much you wipe your ass, you just. Can't. Seem. To. Get. Your. Asshole. CLEAN!

This x100

Pablo
03-19-2014, 09:24 PM
The kind of shits you get when you have a stomach bug and still decide to play beer pong.

Both ends.

College was full of learning experiences.

JoeyChuckles
03-19-2014, 09:26 PM
The best kind: You running down the crack of your mother's ass.

But I'm here ain't I? Are you referencing the "best part of me"?

'Hamas' Jenkins
03-19-2014, 09:27 PM
But I'm here ain't I? Are you referencing the "best part of me"?

I do think you've been cheated.

Discuss Thrower
03-19-2014, 09:27 PM
2014 Kansas City Chiefs offseason.

Fansy the Famous Bard
03-19-2014, 09:28 PM
The Tabasco enema shit.

Iconic
03-19-2014, 09:28 PM
The kind that feels like you're pissing brown stuff out of your ass crack. Then when you go for the whipe, it becomes impossible to get it clean. You give up eventually and have rot-ass the rest of the day that starts itching a couple hours later.

Titty Meat
03-19-2014, 09:33 PM
I hate the kind where it's like you're peeing out of your butt and after several trips wiping becomes like the prison scene in American History X.

Pablo
03-19-2014, 09:37 PM
Explosive water shits are fun every now and then.

There's nothing like your own ass imitating an elephant's trunk spraying.

TLO
03-19-2014, 09:46 PM
Worst? The shit of 1001 wipes. The kinds of shits where no matter how much you wipe your ass, you just. Can't. Seem. To. Get. Your. Asshole. CLEAN!

On the opposite end of the spectrum is the clean poopie, where you wipe once, see nothing on the paper, and give a quick fist pump.

I came in here to post this. You could wipe till your ass was raw and it still wouldn't be clean. The explosive hot poops are a close second in my book though.

TLO
03-19-2014, 09:47 PM
Not a big fan of the bowling ball poops either... but at least it feels good once you finally cross that"OH MY GOD I'm GOING TO DIE" moment.

Pepe Silvia
03-19-2014, 09:51 PM
I like it when you get the peak over, then you know you've taken a good shit. If it's clean that's a bonus.

As for bad shit I can't stand it when I take a sewer dump. You need courtesy flushes for those.

hometeam
03-19-2014, 09:59 PM
Which one is the one where it comes out at molten lava temps?

Buehler445
03-19-2014, 10:06 PM
Gastroenteritis. I got this last year and it is the worst shit. By 13 miles. It lasted 6 weeks in a time of year when I spent 18 hours a day in the sprayer. Most of the time along way from any working shitter.

Goddamn that sucked. It was basically diarrhea that felt like it was getting my guts put through a wood chipper every time. 8 or so times a day.

So yeah, I chose diarrhea on the poll.

Simply Red
03-19-2014, 10:12 PM
earthworms are horrible as well - but no poo really discourages me - coming out empty-handed like that, mate.

Ragged Robin
03-19-2014, 10:14 PM
The ones that the Chiefs lay in the playoffs.

WhiteWhale
03-19-2014, 10:18 PM
Ah man, the peanut butter shits.

All of the wiping makes my ass dry and sore. :(

Simply Red
03-19-2014, 10:23 PM
I believe this is Hamas' first poo thread.

This is a pretty darned big day.


http://i.imgur.com/ZlT0Nd3.gif

Easy 6
03-19-2014, 10:26 PM
Peanut butters.. I HATE spending twice as long wiping as I did unloading the awful cargo.

HOW MUCH TP DO I HAVE TO USE AND WHEN WILL THIS NIGHTMARE END :mad:

Simply Red
03-19-2014, 10:37 PM
Peanut butters.. I HATE spending twice as long wiping as I did unloading the awful cargo.

HOW MUCH TP DO I HAVE TO USE AND WHEN WILL THIS NIGHTMARE END :mad:

Hi - have you been pretty satisfied lately w/ your dumps?

Fish
03-19-2014, 10:41 PM
The forever wiper.

Discuss Thrower
03-19-2014, 11:05 PM
I seem to have a different category entirely... Acidic shits that burn the sphincter with the fury of a handful of Suns and just kinda clings to the nether region.

Probably related to my mentally impaired diet but you know, YOLO.

listopencil
03-19-2014, 11:11 PM
You left dream shits off the poll. Not cool dude, not cool.

listopencil
03-19-2014, 11:13 PM
I picked bowling ball shits. Some times those actually scare me. I feel real, honest fear that I may injure myself.

Cmd'r&Chief
03-19-2014, 11:18 PM
The ones that burn your ass crack a b-hole like sulfuric acid

Easy 6
03-19-2014, 11:19 PM
Hi - have you been pretty satisfied lately w/ your dumps?

I'm usually far removed from this ugly reality... after the first or second cup of coffee its TIME, and is usually handle in 2-3 minutes tops and thats it for my day... over early, forget you're a filthy animal the rest of the day, its pretty cool..

But occasionally, if I've been drinking or gorging myself on foods and otherwise getting myself out of rhythm... forget it, I find myself trying to be Korean on an American toilet.

Whatever it take to wrap this crap UP.

Simply Red
03-19-2014, 11:26 PM
I'm usually far removed from this ugly reality... after the first or second cup of coffee its TIME, and is usually handle in 2-3 minutes tops and thats it for my day... over early, forget you're a filthy animal the rest of the day, its pretty cool..

But occasionally, if I've been drinking or gorging myself on foods and otherwise getting myself out of rhythm... forget it, I find myself trying to be Korean on an American toilet.

Whatever it take to wrap this crap UP.

since I've been eating right - I've pooped every morning - and you're right - it's like that coffee pushes it right out. Also since I've switched up eating habits, I'm clean-breaking about 1 out of 3 poops.

crazycoffey
03-19-2014, 11:26 PM
Coital.....

Discuss Thrower
03-19-2014, 11:31 PM
Coital.....

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/YaG5SAw1n0c" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

nstygma
03-19-2014, 11:37 PM
tubgirl mode is the worst.
or best, depending on your perspective.

Pants
03-19-2014, 11:48 PM
Incomplete evacuations are the worst for me. Your ass is dirty and you don't even get that feeling of satisfaction. It's the cruelest shit of all.

BullJunkandIron
03-19-2014, 11:53 PM
My stepdad always smelled like poop and now I have a complex of smelling like poo. Thank god I've had women in my life to assure me I don't smell like kaw kaw.

BullJunkandIron
03-19-2014, 11:56 PM
When you were kids did your mom ever lay naked on a couch with a red can of aqua-net on her woo woo? She said she would do it because her lips were swollen from the hives,

ThaVirus
03-20-2014, 12:02 AM
Worst? The shit of 1001 wipes. The kinds of shits where no matter how much you wipe your ass, you just. Can't. Seem. To. Get. Your. Asshole. CLEAN!

On the opposite end of the spectrum is the clean poopie, where you wipe once, see nothing on the paper, and give a quick fist pump.



Incomplete evacuations are the worst for me. Your ass is dirty and you don't even get that feeling of satisfaction. It's the cruelest shit of all.


These here.

ThaVirus
03-20-2014, 12:07 AM
While we're on the subject, I had a small bout of what I'm guessing was diarrhea a couple months ago.

I'd get this legitimate heat wave feeling in my intestines followed immediately by an intense urge to shit what usually ended up being a liquid-y almond butter looking concoction.

Luckily I only dealt with that for a couple days but that fiery feeling in the gut was unmistakeable. That's the nearest I've gotten to a burning sensation going number 2 though.

My stomach must be a fucking battle tested warrior because my pooping habits or what have you don't change much at all depending on what I eat.

RealSNR
03-20-2014, 12:24 AM
Incomplete evacuations are the worst for me. Your ass is dirty and you don't even get that feeling of satisfaction. It's the cruelest shit of all.

This

Dayze
03-20-2014, 01:43 AM
breakers. hate those bastards. nothing like wiping your ass for hours on end afterwards.

Steron
03-20-2014, 05:55 AM
Matt Cassel

htismaqe
03-20-2014, 06:19 AM
While we're on the subject, I had a small bout of what I'm guessing was diarrhea a couple months ago.

I'd get this legitimate heat wave feeling in my intestines followed immediately by an intense urge to shit what usually ended up being a liquid-y almond butter looking concoction.

Luckily I only dealt with that for a couple days but that fiery feeling in the gut was unmistakeable. That's the nearest I've gotten to a burning sensation going number 2 though.

My stomach must be a fucking battle tested warrior because my pooping habits or what have you don't change much at all depending on what I eat.

Stop eating pizza flavored Combos.

Katipan
03-20-2014, 06:50 AM
Kaw kaw and woo woos? Wtf

siberian khatru
03-20-2014, 06:57 AM
The ones that clog the toilet, and you have to get a clothes hanger to break it up.

Simply Red
03-20-2014, 06:57 AM
Guys,

I'm going in now.

booger
03-20-2014, 07:00 AM
Guys,

I'm going in now.

Don't forget your rain coat!

Simply Red
03-20-2014, 07:06 AM
Don't forget your rain coat!

It wasn't a proud moment - there was no consistency - I felt the crushed red pepper from my dinner last night - I DO feel better - but it came w/ a cost of burning anus -

Strongside
03-20-2014, 07:07 AM
I've got the beer shits this morning. Not really identifiable per say, just a sudden burst that basically encompasses all of the above in one swoop.

blaise
03-20-2014, 07:12 AM
The worst kind is when your wife keeps trying to talk to you through the door and won't let you dump in peace.

booger
03-20-2014, 07:12 AM
It wasn't a proud moment - there was no consistency - I felt the crushed red pepper from my dinner last night - I DO feel better - but it came w/ a cost of burning anus -

I hate the ones that hurt like it came out sideways

booger
03-20-2014, 07:15 AM
The worst kind is when your wife keeps trying to talk to you through the door and won't let you dump in peace.

Open the door and toss a turd at her

Strongside
03-20-2014, 07:17 AM
For me, though, the worst is dropping a load outdoors...like at a camp out, or a field party. Doesn't matter the consistency, you're gonna have a bad time. Our bodies have forgotten the poo-in-nature instinct.

I once took a shit under an overpass on the highway whilst on a road trip. It might have been the most stressful, traumatic experience of my life.

Simply Red
03-20-2014, 07:19 AM
I once took a shit under an overpass


This one is on my bucket-list.

WhawhaWhat
03-20-2014, 07:19 AM
The one where I'm driving home and don't know if I'm going to make it before it explodes. Clinching as much as I can and then I completely Harry Dunne the toilet when I make it home.

Hammock Parties
03-20-2014, 07:22 AM
fecal slurry

booger
03-20-2014, 07:23 AM
This one is on my bucket-list.

I want to poop under water sometime

seclark
03-20-2014, 08:06 AM
bloody ulcer shit

about 15 years ago. spent the weekend playing in a softball tourney. after 3 games we all decided to go grab a bite. since we were all filthy, the group decided on taco ****in bell.

everyone ordered but me...my guts and been rumbling for awhile and didn't want to take a chance of eating anything. while sitting w/the group, my stomach started rolling pretty bad, and I was kinda dizzy. so, I head to the shitter and sat down to let it rip. good grief, it was mostly all blood. I thought, "this shit aint good", and really started getting dizzy.

I decided to just walk out to the car and wait for the wife there. no sense in walking back to the table and announcing I'm shitting blood while the others are right in the middle of their burritos, so I staggered out the door. took about 3 steps outside and passed out in the parking lot. wallered around and was able to crawl over to the car and get in. after awhile, the wife came out, saw my condition and took me over to the e.r.

while my wife was in one room filling out forms, I stood against the wall trying to keep from falling over. all of a sudden, my guts started screaming again. slowly, my legs slid out from under me and I dropped to the floor. I couldn't friggin move, and I knew I was about to shit myself...and I did.

nurse stuck her head out the door and said, "mr. sec, you're next...oh my, what are you doing down there?"

I said, "I think I just shit myself."

so, they get me up and take me to the back room and stripped me down to hose me off. everyone in the e.r. was gagging. worst smelling shit ever for about 4 days. plus they wouldn't let me shit in a flushing stool...they had to keep checking it for blood. poor nurses earned their money that time.

sec

Perineum Ripper
03-20-2014, 09:58 AM
I hate when I step out of the shower and the strong urge to shit hits me at full force

vailpass
03-20-2014, 10:09 AM
Worst? The shit of 1001 wipes. The kinds of shits where no matter how much you wipe your ass, you just. Can't. Seem. To. Get. Your. Asshole. CLEAN!

On the opposite end of the spectrum is the clean poopie, where you wipe once, see nothing on the paper, and give a quick fist pump.

When I was married I'd use my wife's bidet in times like that. Sounds gay but damn it works.I'm half thinking of putting one in a guest bathroom...

bdj23
03-20-2014, 10:15 AM
I hate the kind where it's like you're peeing out of your butt and after several trips wiping becomes like the prison scene in American History X.

This was me on St. Patrick's day

crazycoffey
03-20-2014, 10:46 AM
<iframe width="420" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/YaG5SAw1n0c" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

It happens during heterosexual intercourse as well, but I don't judge if your first instinct is about same sex loving.

rico
03-20-2014, 10:59 AM
Creamy peanut butter poops are undoubtedly the worst. You'll take one of these poops and if you are as neurotic as I am when it comes to having a clean bunghole, you will wipe your buns like 7 times before finally having clean toilet paper. And to make this one the "cream of the crop" in terms of worst poops is the fact that you will walk around a little bit or just...I dunno, move around or stray away from the computer or something and you will immediately feel the need to go to the bathroom just to wipe your buns again. This happens like every 30 minutes or so following the poop and will last until you take your next "non creamy peanut butter" poop pushes the creamy poop out.

vailpass
03-20-2014, 11:03 AM
Creamy peanut butter poops are undoubtedly the worst. You'll take one of these poops and if you are as neurotic as I am when it comes to having a clean bunghole, you will wipe your buns like 7 times before finally having clean toilet paper. And to make this one the "cream of the crop" in terms of worst poops is the fact that you will walk around a little bit or just...I dunno, move around or stray away from the computer or something and you will immediately feel the need to go to the bathroom just to wipe your buns again. This happens like every 30 minutes or so following the poop and will last until you take your next "non creamy peanut butter" poop pushes the creamy poop out.

You need to keep a thing of moist wipies in your bathroom...

TLO
03-20-2014, 11:07 AM
Creamy peanut butter poops are undoubtedly the worst. You'll take one of these poops and if you are as neurotic as I am when it comes to having a clean bunghole, you will wipe your buns like 7 times before finally having clean toilet paper. And to make this one the "cream of the crop" in terms of worst poops is the fact that you will walk around a little bit or just...I dunno, move around or stray away from the computer or something and you will immediately feel the need to go to the bathroom just to wipe your buns again. This happens like every 30 minutes or so following the poop and will last until you take your next "non creamy peanut butter" poop pushes the creamy poop out.

That itchy "not so fresh" feeling. Turrible.

rico
03-20-2014, 11:14 AM
You need to keep a thing of moist wipies in your bathroom...

I know. My parents did that and I keep forgetting to pick those up whenever I'm at Target.

rico
03-20-2014, 11:15 AM
That itchy "not so fresh" feeling. Turrible.

It's just awful. Especially if you are in a situation where you can't just sprint to the bathroom to alleviate the turrible-ness.

vailpass
03-20-2014, 11:16 AM
I know. My parents did that and I keep forgetting to pick those up whenever I'm at Target.

I keep them for my female guests but I'm not afraid to use as needed. Just be sure to get the flushable kind...

Pasta Little Brioni
03-20-2014, 11:23 AM
Worst? The shit of 1001 wipes. The kinds of shits where no matter how much you wipe your ass, you just. Can't. Seem. To. Get. Your. Asshole. CLEAN!

On the opposite end of the spectrum is the clean poopie, where you wipe once, see nothing on the paper, and give a quick fist pump.

Thread over. The 2nd example is a clean breaker. PM simply or I for tips.

Katipan
03-20-2014, 11:25 AM
When I was married I'd use my wife's bidet in times like that. Sounds gay but damn it works.I'm half thinking of putting one in a guest bathroom...

My mother has a super fancy Japanese toilet thing that does everything. Warms, wets, dries, powdered, hand job. That is far too complicated for me.

But I would so install a nice urinal in a well used bathroom.

Rausch
03-20-2014, 11:27 AM
My mother has a super fancy Japanese toilet thing that does everything. Warms, wets, dries, powdered, hand job. That is far too complicated for me.

I'm pretty sure you could pull off the handy.

And the Japanese are very diverse in their poops.

Everything from squat-n-grunt to complete pampering...

Katipan
03-20-2014, 11:29 AM
I'm pretty sure you could pull off the handy.

And the Japanese are very diverse in their poops.

Everything from squat-n-grunt to complete pampering...

I honestly think there's a lot to be said for the squat n grunt. Collectively our society would have to start working on their core muscles but that would kill two birds with one turd.

Rausch
03-20-2014, 11:31 AM
I honestly think there's a lot to be said for the squat n grunt. Collectively our society would have to start working on their core muscles but that would kill two birds with one turd.

Truth.

vailpass
03-20-2014, 11:32 AM
My mother has a super fancy Japanese toilet thing that does everything. Warms, wets, dries, powdered, hand job. That is far too complicated for me.

But I would so install a nice urinal in a well used bathroom.

You are some kind of special...

Gonzo
03-20-2014, 11:49 AM
At least with the bowling ball shit you feel as though you've accomplished something with your day.
Nothing says relief like when that's over with. You feel lighter, almost like tapping the weight off of a baseball bat and skipper gives you the "swing away" signal.

rico
03-20-2014, 11:56 AM
At least with the bowling ball shit you feel as though you've accomplished something with your day.
Nothing says relief like when that's over with. You feel lighter, almost like tapping the weight off of a baseball bat and skipper gives you the "swing away" signal.

Those can be awful, especially before they reach the sphincter and they are stretching out around the descending/sigmoid colon region and you can't quite tell if you have to take a bowling ball shit or if you are passing a kidney stone. I've pissed out a kidney stone...and have taken a few spike-covered bowling ball shits in my day...it feels similar when the shit is in that region I mentioned.

Cephalic Trauma
03-20-2014, 12:03 PM
http://www.cabothealth.com.au/article/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/bristol-stool-chart-1.jpg

Any room for this chart to roughly determine what your shits mean?

frankotank
03-20-2014, 12:06 PM
Worst? The shit of 1001 wipes. The kinds of shits where no matter how much you wipe your ass, you just. Can't. Seem. To. Get. Your. Asshole. CLEAN!

On the opposite end of the spectrum is the clean poopie, where you wipe once, see nothing on the paper, and give a quick fist pump.

hahaha. immediately made me think of this. funny stuff.
@ 1:10

NSFW language....

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/K_Zz5un_BDE" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Frosty
03-20-2014, 12:08 PM
Here's the worst:

You have incredible back spasms. I mean any straining in the abdomen - a sneeze, cough or even a sniff - will put you on the floor in incredible pain. To combat this, the doctor puts you on Oxycontin but forgets to mention the nasty side effect of constipation.

A couple of days later, you are still in incredible pain when the urge to defecate (Pink Floyd reference there) hits. Suddenly you find that it's bowling ball poop time and you must spend an hour alternating between your back killing you and your butt killing you.

Katipan
03-20-2014, 01:43 PM
You are some kind of special...

Truth.

ModSocks
03-20-2014, 01:46 PM
Truth.

Now show us dem titties!

Cephalic Trauma
03-20-2014, 01:56 PM
Now show us dem titties!

She has.

https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTpmBL7eISADi5UYfou_NHdmonA4fEq8cZvvxe1saUk0zN6ixUA

Bowser
03-20-2014, 03:22 PM
I voted bowling ball with the caveat that said bowling ball is actually a fireball. Bowling ball shits can bring on hemorrhoids as well, so that's an added bonus.

Really, anything outside of a clean breaker could be argued to be The Worst Kind of Shit.

Pablo
03-20-2014, 03:23 PM
Smooth, soft sausage-snake.

srvy
03-20-2014, 06:17 PM
For me, though, the worst is dropping a load outdoors...like at a camp out, or a field party. Doesn't matter the consistency, you're gonna have a bad time. Our bodies have forgotten the poo-in-nature instinct.

I once took a shit under an overpass on the highway whilst on a road trip. It might have been the most stressful, traumatic experience of my life.

Ahhhhhhh the old field poop taken them everywhere imaginable working outside as a land surveyor. Taken under culverts overpasses bridges. Worked under the old Paseo Bridge in KC over the Missouri River. There are scaffolding crawl paces under it. we had to get level elevations on the steel beams under the roadway decking. Well midway about under the bridge the urge hit. There was no making to land and the truck and quik stop. So hung a cheek over the steel and droped mud 70 feet below into The Big Muddy. You work out in it you learn to prepare and deal with it. Teepee in the Rawls.

Second most awesome place to poop is is on a sky scrapper under construction. They put out Porta potti that are half height like sawed in two. there is no roof so when you poo your head sticks out through the roof. This is due to the high winds and resistance to blowing over and making a mess. Well was on the about 24the floor and it was open steel decking the concrete floor had not been poured yet. This was the ATT Town Pavilion right across the street was the 10 Main Center Building. You could see the office workers like almost reaching out to shake hands. Well I had to take a shit bad so im sitting there doing the business and I look over and see 2 gals and about 3 dudes looking over. So I just wave. I mean there is no doubt what your doing especially when you gotta stand and wipe. After I stepped back out I faced them and took a bow.

BullJunkandIron
03-20-2014, 06:28 PM
That was you? When you took a bow we noticed you had Kaw Kaw on your hand.

Simply Red
03-21-2014, 07:41 AM
I'm going in.

Simply Red
03-21-2014, 07:44 AM
ok done already.

The gauge wasn't real large, but the length of the waste made it somewhat of a satisfying poop.

I'm fairly happy about it.

booger
03-21-2014, 07:46 AM
You know it's a good one if I comes out with hair on it

Braincase
03-21-2014, 08:03 AM
Can't say anything about the worst. I've had lower g.i. problems since my 20's, and have been taking fiber supplements since. I'm now 50.

Few things in life are as enjoyable as getting up in the morning, having a good cup of coffee, and then dropping a one-pound butt grenade as easy as letting a baseball slip out of your hand and plopping in for a splash down.

My b.m.'s are divine.

Jilly
03-21-2014, 09:13 AM
Damn......7 pages of poop talk. I think this confirms how full of shit we really are.

Jimmya
03-21-2014, 09:23 AM
Yes sir..... We are full of it.

Radar Chief
03-21-2014, 09:30 AM
Damn......7 pages of poop talk. I think this confirms how full of shit we really are.

As if there were any doubt.

Radar Chief
03-21-2014, 09:34 AM
Ahhhhhhh the old field poop


Heh yea, I’ve had to sacrifice a sock before. That’s why I always pack a zip lock with a couple rolls of TP in each of my rigs.

BullJunkandIron
03-21-2014, 11:17 AM
In the military with night vision goggles I have seen humans taking shits everyway possible all over the world. Sometimes I would fire on them while they were doing it.

BullJunkandIron
03-21-2014, 11:18 AM
You think people weren't pooping in the world trade centers when that happened?

crazycoffey
03-21-2014, 11:34 AM
Fred phelps, FTW

vailpass
03-21-2014, 11:36 AM
In the military with night vision goggles I have seen humans taking shits everyway possible all over the world. Sometimes I would fire on them while they were doing it.

Fired on them? Hope they weren't friendlies...

TLO
12-27-2018, 04:14 PM
Which one is the one where it comes out at molten lava temps?

This is the shit I'm dealing with right now.

Yesterday I was constipated as shit.

Now I'm shitting molten lava that makes me feel like my b-hole just chugged a bottle of Tabasco sauce.

tmax63
12-27-2018, 04:23 PM
If you're lucky it will burn off all your hemorrhoids and cauterize the stumps.

chinaski
12-27-2018, 04:50 PM
I briefly scanned this thread and saw a reply from 2014 about particular bowel movements that create an incessant need to wipe.

If you have mud on your driveway, do you get out paper towels and smear it around, or do you bust out the hose/pressure washer?

Obviously the latter. The very notion that you simply wipe the dirtiest part of your body with some wadded up tissue and call it a day is, quite frankly, disgusting.

Shit, Shower and Shave is always good, but sometimes you have to do your business AFTER the shower.

Enter the Bidet. You can buy an inexpensive mechanical bidet attachment that fits under your toilet seat on Amazon for around 30 bucks. It will be the BEST investment you have ever made in your life. Trust me.

Takes a bit to get used to, but once you do, it is GLORIOUS. NO MORE DIRTY ASSHOLES IN THIS HOUSE. :)

OnTheWarpath15
12-27-2018, 04:53 PM
Taking your first shit after an old-school inguinal hernia repair, while constipated AF because of the painkillers.

Was a race to see what would happen first - shit, pass out or blow out the incision.

TLO
12-27-2018, 05:35 PM
Taking your first shit after an old-school inguinal hernia repair, while constipated AF because of the painkillers.

Was a race to see what would happen first - shit, pass out or blow out the incision.

Sounds like my kind of party!

58-4ever
12-27-2018, 05:38 PM
I thought it would be human vs animal... answer: Human, every time, no questions about it.

58-4ever
12-27-2018, 05:39 PM
Worst? The shit of 1001 wipes. The kinds of shits where no matter how much you wipe your ass, you just. Can't. Seem. To. Get. Your. Asshole. CLEAN!

On the opposite end of the spectrum is the clean poopie, where you wipe once, see nothing on the paper, and give a quick fist pump.

Ummm, who's there w/ you?

dlphg9
12-27-2018, 05:56 PM
The kind of shit where you wake up in the middle of the night with cramps that would make a woman in labor blush and then you fill the toilet with 10 pounds of half water half runny shit.

stumppy
12-27-2018, 06:27 PM
Taking your first shit after an old-school inguinal hernia repair, while constipated AF because of the painkillers.

Was a race to see what would happen first - shit, pass out or blow out the incision.

Been there, done that. You just gotta let it happen.......eventually.

TLO
12-27-2018, 06:39 PM
The kind of shit where you wake up in the middle of the night with cramps that would make a woman in labor blush and then you fill the toilet with 10 pounds of half water half runny shit.

I've honestly never had this happen...

MahiMike
12-27-2018, 06:40 PM
Creamy peanut butter is the ideal poop.

Randallflagg
12-27-2018, 07:12 PM
The worst kind is when you have to shit you're 5 minutes away from home but traffic is slow as ****


Lordy......I’m an old man and it happens more than you might think. Once I didn’t make it back to the house.


Funny....it felt kind of “freeing”. LMAO


Not really.

sd4chiefs
12-27-2018, 09:54 PM
The worst is the burning acid shit in the morning after eating jalapenos the night before.

Buehler445
12-27-2018, 10:10 PM
Taking your first shit after an old-school inguinal hernia repair, while constipated AF because of the painkillers.

Was a race to see what would happen first - shit, pass out or blow out the incision.

My buddy just had this. I encouraged him heavily to lay off the opiates.

suzzer99
12-27-2018, 11:26 PM
Jagged with peanuts.

Nutella shit when you have limited TP.

Funnel cake shit after a case of Busch.

GloryDayz
12-27-2018, 11:44 PM
https://www.reddit.com/r/ratemypoo/

Ass Rockah
12-27-2018, 11:48 PM
When you shit your pants at work on accident, go to the bathroom and prop your butthole up in the sink to gently wash away the crust ring. Lmfao bwaaahahahahaaaa it’s happened to me at work twice after Taco Bell ��