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View Full Version : News Yeah...no foul play here. None at all.


Rain Man
04-03-2014, 09:17 AM
Umm...is there nothing here that seems a little suspicious? He was found in a storage space in his ex-wife's home. It seems like that might arouse a hint of suspicion, though I admit it's odd that she eventually reported the body. Was he perhaps peeping and got stuck? I can't come up with a good story of an accidental death here.

And how do the renters live in a house for a year and not smell a dead body? I'm guessing this was not a high-end rental home.

http://www.cnn.com/2014/04/02/justice/alaska-missing-man/index.html?hpt=hp_t3

(CNN) -- An Alaska man missing for more than a year was found dead in his home on Monday, according to Anchorage Police. The home had been occupied by renters for nearly a year, but they apparently had no idea the body was in the home, police said.

Samuel E. McAlpine, 37, was last seen March 17, 2013, when he told his mother he was going on a date.

McAlpine's sister reported him missing 12 days later, Anchorage Police spokeswoman Dani Myren said.

Family members weren't initially concerned, because he "frequently disappears for weeks at a time" said an e-mail sent by police in August asking for the public's help in finding McAlpine.

McAlpine was going through a divorce at the time and had moved out of the home he shared with his now ex-wife, Myren said. "They were unable to sell the home, so she rented it out to tenants."

Those tenants moved in to the McAlpine home around April 1, 2013, and recently moved out.

Myren said McAlpine's ex-wife, Christine, detected a foul odor when she came to clean and show the apartment to potential new tenants.

She discovered her ex-husband's body in a small storage space under the stairs.

Attempts to reach her Wednesday were unsuccessful.

Police, who do not suspect foul play, think McAlpine died before the tenants moved in.

Myren said drugs and alcohol are believed to have played a role, and an autopsy is pending.

The Alaska State Medical Examiner's Office does not release cause and manner of death to the public.

A Salt Weapon
04-03-2014, 09:27 AM
They've been talking about that on the radio a bit up here, probably rented to crack heads.

htismaqe
04-03-2014, 09:30 AM
They've been talking about that on the radio a bit up here, probably rented to crack heads.

They have crack in Alaska?

Rain Man
04-03-2014, 09:33 AM
They've been talking about that on the radio a bit up here, probably rented to crack heads.

Does crack affect one's sense of smell? Or do crackheads not bathe regularly?

I was trying to figure out some explanation, but given the dates, how about this?


Dude goes off on a bender for a couple of weeks, then comes back. He didn't know that the ex-wife had rented the place out, so he uses his key or otherwise breaks in, and finds himself in a room with some people who think he's trying to burgle them. (Is burgle a word?) They're a rough group of people, so they kill him and hide the body. Then when they move out, they don't think they need to move the body, or they're crackheads and forget to move the body.

Bob Dole
04-03-2014, 09:37 AM
Bob Dole always crawls in a small storage space under the stairs when he wants to get drunk and pop some pills. Completely reasonable to think this was an accidental OD.

Fish
04-03-2014, 09:39 AM
They have crack in Alaska?

Seriously. Why would anyone want to do crack in Alaska?

htismaqe
04-03-2014, 09:41 AM
Seriously. Why would anyone want to do crack in Alaska?

What else are you going to do?

A Salt Weapon
04-03-2014, 09:44 AM
They have crack in Alaska?

I dont know, probably up in Anchorage, Anchorage is kinda like a north Seattle. Complete with gangs and hoods and all the other stuff one would associate with crack. In fact it's hard to even associate Anchorage with Alaska, it's nothing like the rest of Alaska. It really should be placed somewhere in the middle of N.Dakota.

htismaqe
04-03-2014, 09:46 AM
I dont know, probably up in Anchorage, Anchorage is kinda like a north Seattle. Complete with gangs and hoods and all the other stuff one would associate with crack. In fact it's hard to even associate Anchorage with Alaska, it's nothing like the rest of Alaska. It really should be placed somewhere in the middle of N.Dakota.

ROFL

Eleazar
04-03-2014, 09:53 AM
It sounds like the guy was homeless and wasted, and just wanted to crawl in some place. Seems like the cause of death would tell us more.

J Diddy
04-03-2014, 09:54 AM
What else are you going to do?

Hunt wolves from a chopper is all the rage, I hear.

Eleazar
04-03-2014, 09:55 AM
I dont know, probably up in Anchorage, Anchorage is kinda like a north Seattle. Complete with gangs and hoods and all the other stuff one would associate with crack. In fact it's hard to even associate Anchorage with Alaska, it's nothing like the rest of Alaska. It really should be placed somewhere in the middle of N.Dakota.

I saw some TV program about the gangs in Anchorage. Apparently some thugs moved up there from the west coast because there was no dominant presence there, so there was money to be made.

htismaqe
04-03-2014, 09:55 AM
Hunt wolves from a chopper is all the rage, I hear.

Doing that on crack would be FUN.

A Salt Weapon
04-03-2014, 09:56 AM
Doing that on crack would be FUN.

ROFL

J Diddy
04-03-2014, 09:57 AM
Doing that on crack would be FUN.

Indeed. I may have found my next new hobby. I must wait until I get older and require dentures (that way my teeth won't rot out) but count me in!

htismaqe
04-03-2014, 09:57 AM
I saw some TV program about the gangs in Anchorage. Apparently some thugs moved up there from the west coast because there was no dominant presence there, so there was money to be made.

Wow. That's just sick.

A Salt Weapon
04-03-2014, 09:58 AM
What else are you going to do?

Not much, I started up a business making landmines that look just like prayer mats.

Prophets are through the roof.

J Diddy
04-03-2014, 10:00 AM
Not much, I started up a business making landmines that look just like prayer mats.

Phophets are through the roof.

If you could have stuck the landing it would've been great.

A Salt Weapon
04-03-2014, 10:01 AM
Indeed. I may have found my next new hobby. I must wait until I get older and require dentures (that way my teeth won't rot out) but count me in!

Can I fly the chopper? I don't have much experience but I ride in them all the time so it shouldn't take long to learn. And hell if you're on crack anyways you won't even notice.

A Salt Weapon
04-03-2014, 10:02 AM
If you could have stuck the landing it would've been great.

This is your brain on rugs?

Kman34
04-03-2014, 10:02 AM
So he crawls into a storage space under some stairs and dies? No foul play? Right.

J Diddy
04-03-2014, 10:03 AM
Can I fly the chopper? I don't have much experience but I ride in them all the time so it shouldn't take long to learn. And hell if you're on crack anyways you won't even notice.

Sounds like a solid well thought out plan. Count me in!

J Diddy
04-03-2014, 10:04 AM
This is your brain on rugs?

Prophets are through the roof.

The "phophets" made me think to hard and thus shot my wad earlier than I wanted (a fate not uncommon to me).

J Diddy
04-03-2014, 10:05 AM
So he crawls into a storage space under some stairs and dies? No foul play? Right.

Dogs do it all the time and I've yet to hear someone to say that is foul play.

A Salt Weapon
04-03-2014, 10:08 AM
Prophets are through the roof.

The "phophets" made me think to hard and thus shot my wad earlier than I wanted (a fate not uncommon to me).

Good point, I got all excited thinking about doing crack and flying us around in a chopper shooting wolves, completely forgot how to spell.

J Diddy
04-03-2014, 10:12 AM
Good point, I got all excited thinking about doing crack and flying us around in a chopper shooting wolves, completely forgot how to spell.

Understood. I'm working on a theme song for it now. All I've got is the first line:

"On Crack killing, chopper flying
Smoking my teeth while wolves are dying"

htismaqe
04-03-2014, 10:13 AM
Understood. I'm working on a theme song for it now. All I've got is the first line:

"On Crack killing, chopper flying
Smoking my teeth while wolves are dying"

Would you be smoking wolves while your teeth are dying?

J Diddy
04-03-2014, 10:17 AM
Would you be smoking wolves while your teeth are dying?

Either way works really.

A Salt Weapon
04-03-2014, 10:21 AM
I'm thinking the wolves would be pretty safe. I'm not sure exactly how crack effects flying, but I don't think we'd make it very far. Maybe we should just sit in the chopper, smoke crack, and shoot wolves from the ground.

J Diddy
04-03-2014, 10:30 AM
I'm thinking the wolves would be pretty safe. I'm not sure exactly how crack effects flying, but I don't think we'd make it very far. Maybe we should just sit in the chopper, smoke crack, and shoot wolves from the ground.

Seems more cost effective.

Rain Man
04-03-2014, 10:34 AM
Dogs do it all the time and I've yet to hear someone to say that is foul play.

The cat yakuza keeps the dogs silent.

htismaqe
04-03-2014, 10:38 AM
Seems more cost effective.

Can't they jump into the chopper though?

Shooting wolves while high on crack might be fun but getting mauled by wolves while high on crack doesn't sound very fun at all...

Rain Man
04-03-2014, 10:40 AM
Can't they jump into the chopper though?

Shooting wolves while high on crack might be fun but getting mauled by wolves while high on crack doesn't sound very fun at all...


If a wolf eats a person who is high on crack, does the wolf then get high on crack? Or does crack only work once?

htismaqe
04-03-2014, 10:42 AM
If a wolf eats a person who is high on crack, does the wolf then get high on crack? Or does crack only work once?

Well, if a baby can get addicted to crack in-utero, I'm sure the wolves would get off.

DTLB58
04-03-2014, 10:46 AM
I dont know, probably up in Anchorage, Anchorage is kinda like a north Seattle. Complete with gangs and hoods and all the other stuff one would associate with crack. In fact it's hard to even associate Anchorage with Alaska, it's nothing like the rest of Alaska. It really should be placed somewhere in the middle of N.Dakota.

There is a difference between Alaska and North Dakota? :p

bevischief
04-03-2014, 11:09 AM
Bob Dole always crawls in a small storage space under the stairs when he wants to get drunk and pop some pills. Completely reasonable to think this was an accidental OD.

ROFL

htismaqe
04-03-2014, 11:11 AM
There is a difference between Alaska and North Dakota? :p

Apparently.

North Dakota has meth. Alaska has crack. Big difference.

Rain Man
04-03-2014, 11:13 AM
Well, if a baby can get addicted to crack in-utero, I'm sure the wolves would get off.

That would make for an interesting scenario. I could envision a whole town being terrorized by crack-high wolves. And with their sense of smell, I bet they could identify the crack users and they would hunt them down with special vigor.

htismaqe
04-03-2014, 11:15 AM
That would make for an interesting scenario. I could envision a whole town being terrorized by crack-high wolves. And with their sense of smell, I bet they could identify the crack users and they would hunt them down with special vigor.

I smell a movie deal!

Me.

You.

$$$

Dave Lane
04-03-2014, 11:16 AM
Does crack affect one's sense of smell? Or do crackheads not bathe regularly?

I was trying to figure out some explanation, but given the dates, how about this?


Dude goes off on a bender for a couple of weeks, then comes back. He didn't know that the ex-wife had rented the place out, so he uses his key or otherwise breaks in, and finds himself in a room with some people who think he's trying to burgle them. (Is burgle a word?) They're a rough group of people, so they kill him and hide the body. Then when they move out, they don't think they need to move the body, or they're crackheads and forget to move the body.

Its like -80 degrees all but one day a year up there. They call that day Springsummerfall. So that may have played a role in the smell.

Rain Man
04-03-2014, 11:19 AM
I smell a movie deal!

Me.

You.

$$$

Frankly, I'm shocked that it hasn't already been done. We need to jump on this.

rico
04-03-2014, 11:21 AM
I wonder how his date went...? I wonder if she had huge hooters...

htismaqe
04-03-2014, 11:23 AM
Frankly, I'm shocked that it hasn't already been done. We need to jump on this.

Immediately.

tooge
04-03-2014, 11:30 AM
Renter thought his wifes feet just stunk

listopencil
04-03-2014, 11:49 AM
Would you be smoking wolves while your teeth are dying?

"Smokin' wolves, smokin' crack

bum bum bum-bum

We're on the attack

bum bum bum-bum

Flyin' high, flyin' low

bum bum bum-bum

Death dealin' Esquimaux

bum bum bum-bum"




OK. I'll stop now. I'm sorry.

htismaqe
04-03-2014, 11:52 AM
"Smokin' wolves, smokin' crack

I read that first line and all I could think of was this:

http://24.media.tumblr.com/9406bd20bf9eb520105242a04dc76a83/tumblr_mka560AIBW1qcb5nio1_500.gif

listopencil
04-03-2014, 11:53 AM
I read that first line and all I could think of was this:

http://24.media.tumblr.com/9406bd20bf9eb520105242a04dc76a83/tumblr_mka560AIBW1qcb5nio1_500.gif


Yeah. Like that but more hard core.

htismaqe
04-03-2014, 11:55 AM
Yeah. Like that but more hard core.

While I might be able to pass for Kevin Smith, something tells me it would be a bad idea to assume Rain Man could pass for Jason Mewes...

listopencil
04-03-2014, 11:58 AM
While I might be able to pass for Kevin Smith, something tells me it would be a bad idea to assume Rain Man could pass for Jason Mewes...

I think you would be stunned by how much I look like Kevin Smith. I am fairly lean though, pretty close to my ideal weight. Jason Mewes though. Man. Good luck.

htismaqe
04-03-2014, 11:58 AM
I think you would be stunned by how much I look like Kevin Smith. I am fairly lean though, pretty close to my ideal weight. Jason Mewes though. Man. Good luck.

Yeah, I pretty much have the overweight, slovenly, long-hair who never shaves thing down pat...

A Salt Weapon
04-03-2014, 12:04 PM
"Smokin' wolves, smokin' crack

bum bum bum-bum

We're on the attack

bum bum bum-bum

Flyin' high, flyin' low

bum bum bum-bum

Death dealin' Esquimaux

bum bum bum-bum"




OK. I'll stop now. I'm sorry.

??? Eskimo?

listopencil
04-03-2014, 12:05 PM
??? Eskimo?

No. You have to sing it like it's written in French.

listopencil
04-03-2014, 12:07 PM
Yeah, I pretty much have the overweight, slovenly, long-hair who never shaves thing down pat...

I mean even down to the physical characteristics of his face. We look alike.

A Salt Weapon
04-03-2014, 12:07 PM
Apparently.

North Dakota has meth. Alaska has crack. Big difference.

Pretty sure there's meth up here too, I disguised my lab to look like an igloo.

htismaqe
04-03-2014, 12:07 PM
No. You have to sing it like it's written in French.

Or Cajun.

htismaqe
04-03-2014, 12:08 PM
Pretty sure there's meth up here too, I disguised my lab to look like an igloo.

ROFL

WhiteWhale
04-03-2014, 01:25 PM
What else are you going to do?

Far more than there is to do in, say, Kansas.

J Diddy
04-03-2014, 02:29 PM
Well, if a baby can get addicted to crack in-utero, I'm sure the wolves would get off.

Might have to rethink this. A cracked out pack of wolves stealing vcr's and biting people might have some potentially horrible repercussions.

htismaqe
04-03-2014, 02:37 PM
Far more than there is to do in, say, Kansas.

Do they have crack there?

htismaqe
04-03-2014, 02:37 PM
Might have to rethink this. A cracked out pack of wolves stealing vcr's and biting people might have some potentially horrible repercussions.

No, no re-thinking it.

Me and Rain Man are working on a 13-episode deal for Animal Planet...

Rain Man
04-03-2014, 02:48 PM
No, no re-thinking it.

Me and Rain Man are working on a 13-episode deal for Animal Planet...

Do you think we go straight into the crack story line, or do we start them off eating marijuana users and work our way up?

Just Passin' By
04-03-2014, 02:50 PM
Do you think we go straight into the crack story line, or do we start them off eating marijuana users and work our way up?

Cannabis lupus?

ChiefGator
04-03-2014, 03:36 PM
He probably has his equipment for keeping an eye on the Russians in that little closet, and the Ruskies prolly got him.

htismaqe
04-03-2014, 04:17 PM
Do you think we go straight into the crack story line, or do we start them off eating marijuana users and work our way up?

Wait, what?

I thought crack users ALWAYS started with marijuana...gateway drug, and stuff...

Rain Man
04-03-2014, 04:18 PM
Wait, what?

I thought crack users ALWAYS started with marijuana...gateway drug, and stuff...


This is where I would need creative help. Would marijuana-user-eating wolves eventually start eating crack-using people, or would they just hang around and become herbivores? We need to keep this believable.

htismaqe
04-03-2014, 04:20 PM
This is where I would need creative help. Would marijuana-user-eating wolves eventually start eating crack-using people, or would they just hang around and become herbivores? We need to keep this believable.

Dude, they can't grow marijuana in Alaska. That stuff grows in like Mexico, Thaliland, and Chillicothe.

Let's just go straight to the crack.

Rain Man
04-03-2014, 04:41 PM
Dude, they can't grow marijuana in Alaska. That stuff grows in like Mexico, Thaliland, and Chillicothe.

Let's just go straight to the crack.

I agree. Plus it gives us a splashy opening scene. I'm envisioning a messy, low-end rental house with several crack addicts and crack ho's sitting around. They hear something outside and suspect cops. As one of them stands at the window, "POW!" A wolf flies through it and grabs him by the neck, flinging him around like a rag doll. I suspect that wolves will prefer eating the heads first because they probably contain more crack. The rest of the pack then follows the leader through the broken window and pandemonium ensues.

A Salt Weapon
04-03-2014, 04:50 PM
Dude, they can't grow marijuana in Alaska. That stuff grows in like Mexico, Thaliland, and Chillicothe.

Let's just go straight to the crack.

Oh yes we can. Matenuska valley used to be famous for it, something to do with the whole 24hr daylight thing. It's legal, err decriminalized, to grow it up here so hydroponics is everywhere.

I don't partake in it (cdl holder) but used to, I assure you the shittiest weed here puts the lower 48's best to shame.

Rain Man
04-03-2014, 04:52 PM
Oh yes we can. Matenuska valley used to be famous for it, something to do with the whole 24hr daylight thing. It's legal, err decriminalized, to grow it up here so hydroponics is everywhere.

I don't partake in it (cdl holder) but used to, I assure you the shittiest weed here puts the lower 48's best to shame.

And wolves don't eat it? I need to know for plot development reasons.

A Salt Weapon
04-03-2014, 04:56 PM
I agree. Plus it gives us a splashy opening scene. I'm envisioning a messy, low-end rental house with several crack addicts and crack ho's sitting around. They hear something outside and suspect cops. As one of them stands at the window, "POW!" A wolf flies through it and grabs him by the neck, flinging him around like a rag doll. I suspect that wolves will prefer eating the heads first because they probably contain more crack. The rest of the pack then follows the leader through the broken window and pandemonium ensues.

Good start, maybe after the opening attack flashback and focus on the first attack when the wolves discovered crack heads. Maybe it started with a crackhead that had a pet wolf, the wolf pet starts licking the mirror or whatever crackheads use, and wigs out. The crack wolf drags his owners carcass out to the wild pack in the woods or something.

J Diddy
04-03-2014, 05:21 PM
This is where I would need creative help. Would marijuana-user-eating wolves eventually start eating crack-using people, or would they just hang around and become herbivores? We need to keep this believable.
First a wolf eats a pot head and then all aggression goes from his bones. He's relegated to a life of sofa lounging and hunting for Dorito's.